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Distraction is all around us. Our phones, social media, television, news outlets....the list goes on and on. Our work productivity suffers and we don't invest our emotional capital into the relationships around us. Our society is centered around instant gratification, and the notifications from our phones constantly pull our attention away from the task at hand. These distractions can, and often do, impact our relationships with our mentees, and that can communicate to them that they aren't a priority in our lives. John is back this week to deliver a word on the dangers of allowing distraction to enter into our mentoring relationships as well as some practicals on how to eliminate distractions while we invest into the lives of our mentees.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators & Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Crisis. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Distraction. It is from the Latin dis, which means apart, and triheri, to pull or to drag distraction. It if it doesn't mark our lives, it certainly impacts it, doesn't it? And so what can we do to think about and consider distraction free mentor meetings, these times that we take time out out of our schedule to sit down, spend time with our mentees? This is what we wanna discuss today.
Speaker 3:I am your host, John, and this is You Can Mentor. So the Bible mentions the importance of distraction free meetings with God in some really vital spots. Right? So what comes to mind when you think about that? Is it how God and Moses spend time together as Moses goes up Mount Sinai to spend that time that God gives him specific direction right?
Speaker 3:Hey. Take off your sandals. This is holy ground. This is important. I want you to be here.
Speaker 3:This is valuable for you. I have something to say that I that I I have a message for my people. Maybe you think about the high priest in the old testament who goes into the holy of holies, right, for that time. That is that is the place of God's presence and so the high priest is led into that space free of distraction. No one else can see that that space.
Speaker 3:No one else is invited into that space. Right? You think about Jesus and his earthly ministry that he made it a priority to go and and begin the day by withdrawing from the disciples, going and spending that time with the father in the morning. Maybe you think about John 3 with Nicodemus sitting down with Jesus, going to meet him at night. Interestingly enough, you know, you think about that meeting and you think, Oh man, Nicodemus, he was really led to go meet with Jesus at night because he didn't want to be seen.
Speaker 3:You know, that is such kind of the perspective that maybe you have had taught to you when you consider that really incredible chapter. But, you know, what? What about the value of Nicodemus kinda pulling himself away from the hustle and bustle of the city of of his daily requirements as a Jewish leader, in order to sit down with Jesus, maybe fireside, maybe enjoying a a cup of chai, right, and and having this really incredible conversation. As scripture says, Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus, who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. He came to Jesus at night and said, Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God, for no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.
Speaker 3:And Jesus replied, very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again. Well, how can they someone be born when they are old? Nicodemus asked. Surely they cannot enter the 2nd time into their mother's womb to be born. And Jesus answered, very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the spirit.
Speaker 3:Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying you must be born again. The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you can't tell where it comes from or where it's going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.
Speaker 3:And so Jesus gives this incredible truth and and begins to share the understanding of what it means to be born again, to belong to the Lord, to be a member of his holy household, right, to this Pharisee, to this leader who had no idea. And so, we think about the importance of just that context, right, of that conversation when you had Nicodemus who could completely focus on Jesus' words because they were important, because they needed to be heard, because they needed to be shared even to us in the future. So, time and time again throughout scripture, God says, be here 100% mind, body, and spirit. Do not be distracted. Right?
Speaker 3:Do not be, as the Latin says, distraheri. Do not be pulled or dragged apart from this time because this time is worth your 100% attention. And so mentors, individuals and organizations both, we we have to put a premium on that time with our mentees. Right? We have to train our mentors to know that that that is the most valuable time that some of our mentees are going to spend during the week, Time when they get to be heard, time when they get to hear truth, time when they get maybe maybe the only time in their week that they're going to have someone 100% focused on them.
Speaker 3:Hey. When we're 100% at our mentor meetings, we show our mentees that they are seen, we show them that they are heard, we show them that they are valuable, and we show them that we, as their mentor, that we're choosing them in the moment. Okay? And really get that. Really understand that that that is what we get to communicate during that time.
Speaker 3:But when we are divided during our meetings, we show our mentees that they are not quite enough, right, that there is a competition for our attention, and, ultimately, that mentee is not going to have the the understanding that this is again, that you're a busy person and that you have lots of responsibilities or maybe that you brought something into the meeting that you're struggling with. You guys, all they're really thinking about is themselves in that. And quite honestly, with many of our mentees, that's really okay because that time should be about them. It should be about someone of margin taking the time to listen to them and to speak truth into their life during that time. So, again, when we're not when we're divided, we're sharing that, we're sharing that we'd rather be somewhere else maybe.
Speaker 3:That's maybe what they're picking up on. We're sharing maybe that this is a structured relationship, you know, that you're there as their mentor because it's something that you signed up for, something that's a part of their school program, something that's a part of their arrangement that they have to do with the state, whatever it might be, you kinda highlight that as opposed to your truly wanting to be there and being away from everything else in that. And Also, we can communicate if we are not careful that this is a performance based relationship, right? That if they were interesting enough or if they were smart enough or if they were funny enough then you could be engaged with them completely, but that's just not the truth and so there is competition by something else, your phone or someone else or your computer or whatever it might be. Okay.
Speaker 3:So, how do we get the most out of our time and how do we fight against distraction when it comes to meeting with our mentors? You know, Psalm 139 comes to mind as it says at the conclusion of that chapter, prepare your heart and mind, or as he as it says, search me, oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. So, the first thing that we can do as we get ready for, as we prepare ourselves for that mentor meeting, is to really and truly prepare our hearts and minds with prayer and with scripture.
Speaker 3:Scripture like this that reminds us that we are to let God in to evaluate really where our head is at and really where our heart is at and and to do business if there is something anxious within us, right, if there is something unsettling that we are bringing in to that meeting that is going to keep us from being 100%. We are giving that to the Lord and so that our focus can be a laser focus onto our mentee. Alright? Search me, God. Know me.
Speaker 3:Test me. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. So, Lord, if there is anything temporary that I am struggling with, God, take that from me and, instead, let me be focused on what is eternal. And I know again that we just don't think about that sometimes with our relationships with our mentee is that understanding, man, that's a that's an eternal time because you get to share truth that is eternal, and maybe that's gonna be the time when your mentee discovers a spiritual truth, lets scripture or your wisdom speak truth into their hearts, and so we wanna really be ready for that. So besides preparing our hearts and minds, guess what we can also do?
Speaker 3:We can prepare our surroundings, and that involves removing as many obstacles to our attention as possible. Obviously, it might mean finding a quiet place to actually meet so that we're not in a crowd of people. Maybe don't, in those times, choose to have your mentor meeting as you're driving down the road because of all those situations that can present themselves during that time. And you know what? Also, in in preparing our surroundings, we can also anticipate what might be an issue.
Speaker 3:So just kinda think worst case scenario. Okay. So if we're gonna meet at this time in this place, what might be something that might be a distraction? You know? If it's over at my house and my kids might be running around or something, I may need a parent during that time.
Speaker 3:That would be okay, but is it the most optimal situation? So anticipating is also part of that preparing our surroundings. So we wanna be prepared to fight against distraction. We also wanna communicate. We wanna tell our mentee that you're excited to meet with them and that you made efforts to remove distractions so that you can be 100% there.
Speaker 3:That's not a bad thing to share. Letting them know that, hey. You did this on purpose. You did this with some intention because you really want, you know, your 30 minutes or an hour to be just about the best that it can be. Alright?
Speaker 3:So you you did that work in to begin with so that that will be a time when you guys can really share together and enjoy that time. Another thing to remember is you might have something after the meeting. You might be jumping from meeting to meeting that day, and your mentee meeting is just one of the things that you do. Well, instead of kind of breeding this attitude of, hey, you know what? Let's let's go ahead and knock this out because I have got to move on to an to the and the next thing.
Speaker 3:You would never want your mentee to feel like you are keeping them from something or that they are in any way a burden, but in order to to communicate that well and to, kind of case that, you know, conversation well, just remind them that you are so thankful that even though you only have a limited amount of time, the meeting that you're about to take with them is about the best part of the day. So, again, here's another opportunity for to for you to stress to your mentee that you really value their time and your time with them, and that even though you have something coming up that is important, it's not as important as y'all's time together. And so gotta do a thing after, but again, this is really what you've been looking forward to all day long. So prepare, communicate, and finally, you guys, just let's talk about some nonverbal stuff to remember during our meeting because we want to remember that our mentee is gonna be picking up on things throughout the conversation. Right?
Speaker 3:Both verbal and nonverbal. And sometimes those nonverbal things get communicated even easier than the verbal things do. So in social conversations, I will tell you this if you don't know this already, but when you when you see 2 people having a conversation in public, what you're gonna what you're gonna discover is that the person facing the other person is actually more engaged in the conversation. Right? Wherever your shoulders are turned, that's really where your focus is going to be.
Speaker 3:So if you've seen kind of a casual conversation taking place, it might be between a couple of folks kinda facing the same direction right away from each other. But the most engaging conversation that you're gonna have is where your shoulders are squared to each other and you're making eye contact and you really are focused on one another. So simply put, face your mentee. Alright? Allow that to be something even if they're not facing you.
Speaker 3:If you have the opportunity to face them, then by all means do that. That's one nonverbal way that you can communicate in a really good way. So here's another thing. Okay? I've got a good friend and he has this thing that he does, and I've heard this from other folks as well, but he does a thing where he'll have a conversation and he's, you know, brilliant and endearing.
Speaker 3:He's engaging when he's having a conversation, but he does this thing where he'll actually talk to you over his laptop. Okay? And maybe this is a guy maybe you know people like this who they just seem to have like a dual processor. They can They can keep their attention focused on you as they talk and they are also answering emails. Well, that's all well and good, but as a mentor I can tell you please don't ever do that.
Speaker 3:Okay? That is gross. That is that is no way to lead a conversation because quite honestly and quite obviously it's sending a message to say that you are not important enough to be everything that I'm focused on during this time. Okay? Whatever divides your focus is more important than your mentee no matter what it's going to be.
Speaker 3:Okay? So really just understand that and know that that that sends a message that if you are looking on your phone, if you are looking at your laptop or focused on anything else, that sends that direct message to say this thing is more valuable than what you're saying, this thing is more valuable than our time together. And so what do we do? Well, we flip our phone over during our meeting for 1, right? You got your phone there on the table.
Speaker 3:What do you do? You wanna turn it upside down so that all those notifications and all those texts and whatever the rest of the world is trying to do in getting your attention, you are gonna tell your mentee, hey. I'm gonna take this time out. I'm gonna remove myself from everything else and every other conversation that I can have so that I can be here with you now. Okay?
Speaker 3:So that I can be 100%. Go on airplane mode. Right? And that goes for everything. That goes for your phone and your watch and your earbuds.
Speaker 3:My goodness. Please don't have a mentee mentor meeting while your earbuds are in place. That is also sending that message to say, hey. At any given time, I might get a notification or someone might be saying something in my ear. And you wanna be able to show that you are giving your undivided attention.
Speaker 3:Okay? Remove them from your site even if you can. Take these pieces of technology and remove them from the table, put them in a bag, put that stuff on the floor, get it out of there. Something that I like to do, which I think is really funny that I do and something that I wanna give to you guys as well is this. Pretty much in every social situation, in every conversation, whether it be with a very good friend, maybe it's somebody that I'm talking to for the first time, when we are face to face, if I'm in a conversation with someone and that person goes to their phone or their watch or they tap the thing that's stuck in their ear or whatever, if they go to something else, what I do, if I'm talking, I just stop talking.
Speaker 3:I literally just mid word shut it down in that moment. And what I found more than anything in that it's helpful that it sends a message to say, hey, you know what? I want you to be so focused on everything that you have kinda coming your way that I'm going to take myself out of this conversation at this time so that you can focus on what on whatever your phone is saying. Right? It's a great way to really kind of practice a priority to say, at all times, we wanna be 100% focused on what we're doing.
Speaker 3:So I give that to you guys as a practice to be able to say, you know what? If we're talking and I'm sharing with you, I will I will stop what I'm saying so that you can be completely focused on that notification that just popped up on your phone if that's what you need to take a look at. Okay? And more times than not, what you'll find is that person is going to say, oh, I'm so sorry. I need to go ahead and turn my phone off.
Speaker 3:You know, it it actually leads to them being able to communicate to say, oh, this is what you're showing me in that that that we're completely 100% connected to each other in this conversation and so I'm gonna I'm gonna remove on my end anything that distracts. So a great way to do that for sure. So, listen. Your values and practices will determine your mentee's values and practices. Please understand there is a direct straight line between what you value and what you do and what you're telling your mentor what their values should be and what their practices should be as well.
Speaker 3:So, if we speak these values, then we should practice these values. Right? If we believe that being distraction free in our mentor mentee meetings is important, well then our practices are going to reflect that as well. If there is something that we say and then something that we do that is conflicting with what we say, I don't have to tell you that that creates an issue. Right?
Speaker 3:So they are going to learn healthy and unhealthy tendencies from what we do and from what we say. Alright. To sum up, remember, to be distraction free during our times with our mentees, we wanna prepare, we wanna communicate, and we wanna be aware of all the nonverbals going on. And remember, you can mentor. Hey, mentors.
Speaker 3:We need to hear from you. How can we equip and encourage you as an individual or as an organization? You guys, this is why we exist at You Can Mentor. It's to equip you. It's to give you the tools that you need to be effective as mentors.
Speaker 3:It's also to encourage you. It's to be on your side, to champion your efforts, to be able to say what you do matters. We would love to know how to do that even better. So instead of us kinda trying to come up with the our clever ideas for what we share on our podcast, we need to know where you are in the trenches, what you need to be equipped with, how we can encourage you. And so that's real easy.
Speaker 3:How do you do it? Here it is. You email john@ukinmentor.com. That's john@ukinmentor.com, and let me know what I can share, what Zach can share, what we can share collectively, and then also what we can share as we bring other guests on this show as well. You might not really wanna email me, by the way, so maybe you can email Zach, zach@ukementor.com.
Speaker 3:Tell you what, don't let anything get in the way of communicating what you would like to hear about on this, the you can mentor podcast. Let us know. That's what we wanna share because guess what? If it's something that you need that you can use, well, it's gonna be something that someone else out there can use as well. You can mentor.