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Authentic gay conversations on personal development, life coaching, and mental health. Join Keegan Hirst, founder of Gay Man's Coaching and former professional rugby player, for weekly real talk about gay lifestyle, coming out, relationships, business, and authentic living. Deep, honest conversations that help gay men build confidence, find community, and create vibrant, unapologetic lives.
00:00
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Gay Man's Coaching podcast. The podcast for men who want to build lives that they're proud of, become people that they're proud of. And I'm really, really excited for this episode because I'm going to be interviewing one of our GMC members called Wyatt, who's from South Dakota. He grew up in a very homophobic area, struggled with his sexuality and struggled with being able to be himself, and has completely changed his life and he's starting his dream job in a couple of months. So I'm really, really excited to share Wyatt's story and let him tell you about what's going on.
00:29
Couple of announcements for the guys in GMC. We have got our GMC games coming up on the 6th and 7th of March, one-to-one coaching on the 6th of March and then our group day on the Saturday on the 7th. So if you want to attend, fill in the Typeform on the Hub or you've been added to the WhatsApp groups. It's a weekend with your coach where you can get invaluable feedback and spend it with a group as well.
00:59
We've also got details for the adventure days that we're doing, the one in the UK, the one in the US. Go check those out in the Hub. All your details that you need for all our in-person events are up there. And on the WhatsApp groups, again, it's limited spaces, so it's first come, first serve.
01:27
We're going to be, for the UK guys, we're going to be going back to Adventure Wales and we're going to be doing a whitewater rafting course. It's gonna be a picnic lunch. There's going to be loads of stuff going on and then we'll have a bit of a social afterwards. And lastly, this is just for GMC members, we are doing our August retreat. Tickets will be available in two weeks. Again, space is limited. So you need to have signed up to the waitlist. The links are in the Hub and they've been shared in the WhatsApp groups.
01:57
So yeah, this episode guys, something that's really important to me is putting clients front and centre with GMC. Obviously it's great to get the coaches in and talk about their stories because it's a full team at GMC, but something I always see when I look on coaches pages is it's all about the coaches. And I like to showcase our members because it's their stories, their journeys, their actions that change their lives and that's something that I'm really really proud of.
02:25
And you know even within our own community this week, Greg Turner, Mark Conway, Richie Travis, Jeff Tobinski, Nisen and Rio Aguero all posting amazing things in the Hub about the changes that they're making in their lives and the actions that they're taking, the things that they're doing and having the courage to share their wins because that reinforces positive behaviour.
02:52
If you don't have that kind of community, if you're not part of GMC, find one because that is going to 10x everything that you do, most importantly your enjoyment of the things that you do. But without further ado, like I said, I want to introduce Wyatt. I met Wyatt last year originally when we did our Chicago event and we opened up five spots for non-GMC members and Wyatt was one of the people that came.
03:19
We do have our Edinburgh event coming up in March, there's still a couple of spots for non-GMC members left so maybe you'll hear Wyatt's story and have a think about what he's done, the action that he's taken and how much of him taking a punt on himself and coming to that event has changed his life. Guys, let me introduce Wyatt.
---
**INTERVIEW**
03:43
All right. Welcome Wyatt to the GMC podcast. Good to have you on mate. Thank you for stepping in, joining us, having a chat with me. Do you just want to introduce yourself, who you are, how old you are, where you are, you know, the basics.
04:04
Yeah. So my name is Wyatt. I am from Vermilion, South Dakota, and I'm 26 years old.
04:14
Thank you for jumping on, mate. Now you have a very unique way into GMC that not many people do, four people I think in the history of GMC. Do you just want to explain how you came to be in the program?
04:31
So I had found your social media about a year or two ago and got on your email thread. And one day I saw the email about, hey, we're doing an event in Chicago. Would you want to come? I was like, you know what? Why not? Let's do it. So I reached out to you, got the details, got everything all signed up and went to Chicago.
05:01
I had a wonderful couple of days with you and the rest of the guys and decided, yeah, this is something that I want to be a part of and I committed and here we are.
05:15
Yeah. So for anybody who doesn't know, we put our events on throughout the year. We have single day events, multi-day events. We did our first event in the US last year in Chicago.
05:28
And normally our events are just for GMC members. But for Chicago, we opened it up to, we opened five spots and we're doing the same for Edinburgh in March. Five spots for non-GMC members to come, get an idea of what we're about, what the community is, and just have an amazing experience. And Wyatt did that, came down to Chicago. It was very hot, wasn't it?
05:57
It was, and there was like 30 odd of us there. And we had a great few days and Chicago Pride was there, right? We went to Chicago Pride. I think it was your first Pride event. Is that right, Wyatt?
06:11
Yeah.
06:12
And me and you had a bit of a moment, didn't we? Where we were... I, if, do you want to tell that story? I don't know if you want to tell that story.
06:24
I basically cried throughout the whole parade, just overwhelmed by just finally seeing just, you know, love represented in such a positive way and these people being so supportive, that's not something I'm used to seeing. So I was just so overwhelmed. I spent the whole three hours just crying nonstop basically.
06:52
Yeah. And I saw Wyatt and gave him a hug and we had a bit of a moment and it took me back to my first Pride, which is in Manchester, not quite as glamorous as Chicago, but, and I felt exactly the same and I sobbed all the way through it. And when I went to New York Pride as well, I sobbed through that as well. And it is, it is lovely. I mean, do you just want to explain a little bit about your situation and kind of how life has been, I suppose, pre-GMC?
07:22
Yeah. So, I mean, I grew up in the rural Midwest, so pretty typical, you know, traditional household. A lot of pressure, you know, just to, you know, be the man, to be the one to carry all the burdens and just kind of do all the things, which translated over to many aspects of my life. So yeah, I never really took time off to relax, really took time to really enjoy life or really to take care of myself because that was all focused on, I got to work hard, I can always be going 120%, can never slow down no matter how hard life gets. You always got to get back up no matter what happens.
07:50
And just never really took time to realize how unhealthy that was. And even when I was working out, I was working out seven days a week, just going balls to the walls and never really properly like having structure about my training or diet. I was just eating high protein and a lot of food but not really structured meals, really structured macros. And even with my workouts, I was just doing whatever I thought was good.
08:18
So even then, my workouts were kind of a hot mess. I was working out seven days a week, so no rest days, no time off, so my body actually recovered. So in that aspect of my life, things were not very well put together.
08:47
And what about outside of health and fitness? How was mindset? How was mental health? How were you kind of in your own skin, I guess?
08:58
Yeah. I wasn't. I was putting on a huge mask. You know, like I said, growing up in a very traditional household, you don't talk about your feelings, your emotions, especially as a guy. You don't mention when you're struggling because I was kind of taught that nobody really cares.
09:17
If you get hurt or you're struggling, what did you do? Life is hard, you know, wrestling there on that you're fine. So I really never really grew up with that support and empathy from anybody really. Never really felt like anybody cared about me. I was only really good for like being the muscles. You know, I was only just obliged to move things from point A to point B. So when I was struggling,
09:45
I had no one to go to, so I just kind of kept it all to myself, bottled it up and put on that brave happy face that everything is great and joyful, but inside I was actually in a hot mess. I was sad, lonely, scared, just needed someone to see me for who I really was, really just stop actually caring about me as an individual.
10:11
And you touched on being lonely there. And I know that was a big thing that you took away from the Chicago event was the community side of things. And also being able to, you know, be with other gay men. That's not, that wasn't something you'd experienced before, right? It was, that was a novel group for you.
10:30
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, lonely definitely. Then you add in the whole factor of finding that I realized that I'm gay. I was like, this is another factor that makes me feel even more alienated from the people around me where I live because it's not a safe place to be out. You know, thankfully there is a university in my hometown. So when school's in session, it helps a little bit, you know, kind of balance out the views, but still like the actual like town itself, it's not really safe to be out. Even this kind of whole region, it's not really safe.
10:59
So it's that added another layer of just like, I don't belong here. I'm not, you know, quote unquote, like normal. So then I went to Chicago and you know saw it just be so normalized that's another reason why I was so overwhelming for me and I cried so often was just because finally like, you know, it was normalized and it wasn't, it's like a big, you know shocker to see, you know, gay men, you know, being themselves. It was just a part of everyday, daily life, you know?
11:30
Yeah. Yeah. Really powerful, isn't it? When you, when you see that and obviously, me being closeted as well, I've certainly experienced that arc from it being something shameful and secretive and not normal, dirty, whatever word people associate with it, and then see it just people, you know, just getting on with their lives and having a good time and enjoying each other's company and connecting and things like that.
11:57
So obviously you came to the event, experienced that and were like, yeah, this is a bit of me. I wanna get involved with this. Would you say that was like the tipping point where you thought, did that empower you to make change? Before that, did you think there wasn't like another way or like what was the, yeah, what was the thing that made you finally go, I can't keep doing what I'm doing and I need to make a change?
12:28
Yeah, part of it was Chicago. Also another part of it was my grandmother getting ill and passing away over the summer. It was very rapid. She got diagnosed with cancer and then three weeks later she had passed. And right after she passed, I went to Chicago. So those two events come together, just made me realize that life is short and that I really do need to live life to the fullest.
12:56
And that means taking my health seriously and you know, my well being seriously. So that's what made me want to be part of this group because I want to take this to the next level. Because I've been working out for about two years at that point. So I knew my way around the gym. I was very comfortable in the gym, but I wasn't seeing a lot of results. So I have a lot of discipline. So I wanted to kind of elevate that to the next level and take it seriously because
13:24
I want to make sure that my body is functioning well and I'm able to live a long life. And one way you can do that is through fitness and taking care of yourself. And this was an opportunity to be part of a group where that is a big priority, taking care of yourself, not only physically, but also emotionally and mentally too.
13:44
Yeah. You know what I want to discuss, your physical progress, because that is immense. And I know you're prepping for a photo shoot, which you're like, I didn't think I could do this. And you've totally stepped out of your comfort zone. So I want to talk about that. And then I want to talk about how it's led into some big changes that are coming up in your life, which are really exciting. It's, you know, I talk a lot about look good, feel good, play good and how they all feed into each other.
14:08
And, you know, I believe that when we look good and we start to prioritize ourselves and follow through and keep those promises to ourselves. That is the physical manifestation of self-respect, of keeping promises to ourselves, building our self-worth. Then we start to feel better, then we start to show up different and they all feed into each other and it's not necessarily the easiest but it's certainly the simplest way to do that.
14:36
So just talk us through some kind of specific behaviors that you changed, because like you said, you knew your way around the gym, you had been training, you had some experience, but what are some of the specific behaviors that kind of have changed or been tightened up that have helped you see that really quick physical transformation that you've seen?
14:58
Yeah, I mean, definitely it was just like tracking my food and like logging everything that I eat and being aware of food, just looking at what calories are and stuff and seeing like certain foods that are very nutrient dense, you know, trying to cut those out of my diet just because, you know, when you start with GMC, you're in a priming phase, you're kind of in a calorie deficit. Some of those really high calorie foods like oils, like, you know, like tree nuts are really good, but they have a lot of calories in them.
15:27
So that's something that, you know, you don't realize, you know, a small handful of nuts can have, you know, 100, 200 calories in them. And you're gonna eat that in like, you know, a minute and still be hungry and want more. So that's a way that you earn back on a lot of calories without even realizing it. So just being very mindful about what I eat and actually reading the labels and seeing, what's in this food? Does it fit into my calories for that day, yes or no? And really just being disciplined, like, no, I only have this amount of calories in a day. I need to meet these certain macros and I can only eat foods that are going to help me achieve this goal.
16:03
And do you think having that support and that accountability with boundaries, you know, say no to other people, like, I know you've got family and wanting to feed you and you know, do you, so do you think, you know, having that support and accountability from the coaches, from your check-ins, from your food plans, from your meal prep, from, you know, all those things that GMC and your coach has helped you, Aidan. Do you think that that added into being able to bring that all together?
16:33
Definitely. Because even when I first started out, I was very worried about tracking calories and logging food. So I was already open and honest with my coach, being like, this is something that makes me nervous and just worried about tracking food and just how that may affect my mindset around food. And you and everyone else was very open and like, yeah, we understand it's a very valid fear.
16:58
And if we get to that point, we can make a meal plan instead. So you just have to work on eating the food, not necessarily about the macros. You know, whatever makes you the most comfortable, we're willing to work with. So even right there, just having that support, it's like we get it. That your fears are valid, they're real. And we're willing to support you and walk with you however we can. That was a big help.
17:20
Yeah. I think, yeah, that, I think often people can hear, oh, tracking food sounds really time consuming. It sounds really difficult. I don't know what to do, but that, there's loads of different ways we can manage our input. Like you said, there's meal plans, there's photos, there's hand measurements. There's so many different ways to go about it. And we always work with you guys on that. And then obviously once we've finished the photo shoot, we're gonna transition away from, you know, what going into maintenance looks like and not having to track your food at all and being able to maintain that. So that's a really exciting part of your journey that's coming up.
17:53
Let's talk about the kind of mental shift, because you've mentioned that earlier, you talked about the mental and the emotional side. And even just, you know, me and you speak quite regularly, like how you turn up on calls is different, even how you are here today. Tell us what those physical shifts which have led to those, like those mental and emotional shifts. So how are you feeling?
18:19
Now what opportunities has that opened up for you? Like what's kind of shifted for you?
18:26
Yeah, I definitely am in a much better place mentally and emotionally. I'm a lot happier and let's say I don't have no rough days, but I'm able to bounce back so much faster and those happier days are more often they're, you know, even more happier than it would happen in the past. Just feel just overall just better and more, I'm enjoying life more. And that does play into my career and stuff because then you really know like, I can chase my dreams if I want. So that's what I ended up doing. And then I got my dream job, which starts in a month and I'm looking forward to doing something that I thought, oh, I could never achieve growing up is because I am this little kid from the Midwest. I can't, I'm never gonna get out, I'm never gonna make it, who am I to do that?
19:05
And one of the things we've talked about in some of the workshops is just like, the only person that's saying that is you. No one else is saying you can't do those things just because of your location, because of how much money you make or what you've done in the past. You're the only ones setting up those barriers, you know?
19:23
Yeah, I remember when we spoke in Chicago and I was like, well, you know, what do you want to do? And where do you want to go? And how do you want your life to be? And I remember you were very kind of defeatist about, well, this is just how it is. And this is where I have to, this is this and this is that. And I was like, why? Why? And I remember you kind of going, uh, uh, well, because, and I was like, that's not an answer.
19:47
And then obviously working together and then you going for the job and getting it and yeah, amazing. I mean, for you then Wyatt, what has been, what's shift in you? What would the old Wyatt, the Wyatt that I was talking to in Chicago who was saying, no, I can't do, without that defeatist one, what would he not recognize about this current version of you?
20:17
I think he would just be shocked when I say, you know, I'm putting myself first and I'm also not gonna be chasing people anymore, especially those people that only like give me attention when like they're bored, they're horny, they want someone to talk to or they're lonely. You know, that's definitely something that I did a lot back then. I was, you know, I was just so lonely wanting any sort of attention. You know, I would seek it out in any capacity I could, even if I knew it wasn't
20:43
a healthy situation, I still, at least someone's talking to me, so it's fine, it's worth it. But now I'd be like, no, that's awful. If that's all you want from me, then go find someone else.
20:55
What an amazing transformation, because what you've just talked about there is self-respect. To go from, I am willing to put my needs down at the bottom to get some attention, even if it's not good or healthy or what I actually want, to then have this shift where you go, no, I'm worth more than that. I'm worth some effort and I'm worth more than whether it's a booty call or a friend who doesn't wanna put in effort or whatever. And to be able to say, no, I'm not doing that and know that you are worth something is a huge, huge internal shift.
21:26
And I think that is testament to the work, you and like you've said, you still have up days, you still have down days, like we all do, you know, it doesn't always go perfect. It's not always, you know, gonna go to plan, but the fact that you are consistent, that you ask for help, that you bounce back because of the work that you put in, that is what the work is. It's inconsistent, it's imperfect, but it's progress. I mean, you talked there about, you know, you haven't got it all figured out yet. It's not perfect. So what is one area that you are still building, still working on?
21:59
Yeah, I'm working on still being okay with resting and not feeling so much guilt. It's actually something that my coach Chris this week challenged me to work on in general about is just to really sit with and process why do I feel so much guilt around resting? You know, it's like actually like sitting there and just genuinely relaxing. You know, what makes me feel so guilty about it.
22:24
And do you want to share any insights into that? Has anything come up for you yet?
22:30
Yeah. And I think part of it just is because growing up, I wasn't allowed to rest. You know, on the weekends, if I was still in bed past eight o'clock, I was getting yelled at. You know, if I sat down, my parents would say, well, since you're obviously bored, here's some stuff to do. You know, if I wasn't always actively moving, doing stuff, I was given more things to do because the default was, Wyatt must be bored. Therefore, let's give him work to do. So now when I try to rest, I feel that guilt or I feel that worry or, you know, I feel like, well, I must be doing something because otherwise, you know, I am lazy. I might, you know, I might use my time wisely, stuff like that. So it's just recognizing that a lot of my feelings of guilt I have are it's because of how I was raised and how I was treated back then.
23:10
Yeah. I hear you, man. And that's something I've struggled with myself over the years. Something I still struggle with and work on. And, you know, I grew up in a single parent family, council estate, not a lot of money. I always felt like I was behind everybody and I always wanted better for myself and what my life was growing up. So I think if I didn't work, I always felt like I was behind. And if I was behind, then I needed to be successful, to be worthy, to feel love.
23:38
There's so many different reasons why we feel guilt for not working. And it's something that's very prevalent with gay men and particularly with high performing gay men is that they feel the need to prove their worth and validate their worth. And I think, we talked earlier about the photo shoot and that's obviously something that you are going for. That could be, you know, someone could look at that and say, I'm gonna do that for sure. I'm gonna get in amazing shape because then I'll be worthy. So many of us think that if I have abs or I have a big chest or whatever, then someone will love me and da da da da. But it never works out like that.
24:11
So for you then with that in mind, and I know that's not the reason why you're doing it. What is the reason that you wanted to step in and do this? You know, really, it's a really difficult thing. It's really worthwhile, but it's a difficult thing to challenge yourself. What was your thinking behind the photo shoot?
24:31
Yeah, I really just wanted to challenge myself and push myself to the fullest. You know, y'all are very honest about how it's a very rough process with a lot of long gym sessions. You gotta follow a really strict diet. And like, yeah, it's going to be hard, but I really want to prove to myself that I can do hard things. I can commit to myself for this period of time and do this really difficult thing and follow through on it. Sure, I'm gonna look great once this is all done, I'll send you awesome photos, but I'm doing this more as a mental and emotional challenge. You're going to commit to yourself for the six months of prioritizing yourself and your wellbeing and you're gonna push yourself to absolute limit, but you're doing it because you love yourself so much.
25:12
Yeah, I love that. I think that's such a good take on it. And I love that line that you just said. I wanted to prove to myself that I can do hard things. I think that line is, if you had to sum up confidence in one line, that is what is having the internal belief that I can do hard things. Give me something to do. I can do hard things. Mine will be perfect, mine will be great, but I can do hard things and I can survive if they're not. And I think, you know, the fact that you're absolutely right.
25:41
The photoshoot, obviously physically we all, we end up looking great, but it's so much more of a mental and emotional challenge to stay the course, to not quit when it's good, but it could be great. So, man, I'm absolutely buzzing for the photo shoot in April. I'm really excited to. I mean, your progress has been immense already, so I can't wait to see where we're gonna be in another 12 weeks.
26:04
Just last thing to wrap this up. If someone's listening to this podcast and they're in a similar position to you where you feel stuck, you feel isolated, you feel a little bit hopeless, what would your advice be to them?
26:22
Yeah, if someone is feeling stuck, I would definitely do a time journal. I know you have me do this, but just take an honest look at what you're spending your time doing. You know, what are you, are you scrolling on social media, are you just kind of, you know, going, you know, what are you doing with your life basically? Not in a way of judgment or saying this is wrong or bad, it is seeing how are you using your time and then go through with a highlighter and see which of these things I've done this week give me life, I enjoy, that I know make me happy. Those are green, we need to keep those in our life, we need to keep those things.
26:55
If something is something you dread, you hate doing, it takes energy from you, those should be in red and those need to be cut out in some way, shape or form. And everything else should be yellow, orange, whatever you're feeling and we should try and just kind of see can you make those things green or do they also need to be cut? Just because I think we waste so much time doing things that aren't life-giving and you know definitely like social media and you know it's doom-scrolling when something like that we're just you know cut that down to maybe like a half hour or less you know in your day. Just seeing where can you just cut things out of your life to make room for more joy, more happiness.
27:27
Also, maybe you just take some time to just like sit and like look back and zoom out. I know for me sometimes I get so hyper focused on like today and the current stuff. I forget to look back at all the progress I've made in this journey. Sometimes I'll get so mad at myself when I've gained a pound, but I'm like, but Wyatt, you've lost 48 pounds. Just because you gained one pound does not mean that you're back to that beginning. You still made all this amazing progress. So, taking time to zoom out and look at the big picture sometimes helps me realize, I am still making progress. I am still moving forward in life. It may not be always at the pace that I thought it would be or want it to be, but I am still making that progress. That kind of helps me kind of get out of that mental rut of, I'm not gonna make it or I can't do it.
28:08
And helps me kind of get back on the horse and just keep moving forward. And hopefully, you know, having people in your corner, whether it's a coach, therapist, friend, a family member, what have you, and they can just be honest with them about like, hey, like I'm kind of struggling a little bit, or I'm kind of feeling this way, you know. Could we talk about it? You know, or, you know, could you help keep me accountable in these goals? And hopefully that person can start, you know, making that progress.
28:35
Yeah, I love that, man. Some really good actionable stuff. So, a time diary, which is just writing something down every 15 minutes, what you've done, and then go through it with a highlighter, like you said, and highlight the good stuff, the bad stuff, the intermediate stuff and you know, try and make some changes off the back of it. I love what you said about perspective. It's so easy, because if you think of your progress as a graph and you find yourself, like, you know, you've, whether you put weight on or lost weight or whatever, depending on what your goal is, you always look at where you were, like compared to a week ago or a month ago, but look at where you were six months ago. Look at where you were a year ago.
29:08
And you're right. If in doubt, zoom out is something I always say to you guys, don't I? Just zoom out and take a look at everything. If you're in doubt where to go, if you're in doubt how far you've come, it's such a powerful thing. But mate, that was honestly, that's so helpful, so many insights. And you know, I think it's testament to yourself at 26 to invest in yourself, set yourself up and really want to grow and push and challenge yourself. And it's already paid dividends. You know, the fact that you've got your dream job so far. Your ambition and your expectations are going to keep growing, but you know, as you've said, you've proved yourself, you can do hard things and you will continue to do hard things.
29:44
So mate, thank you for being so open and honest and vulnerable and sharing with us. I think a lot of people are gonna take a lot of value from this. Thank you for being part of GMC. Obviously I love working with you. So it's been great to see this change in you. Thank you guys for listening. I hope you've got some value out of it. If you've got any questions, as always, you can reach out to me. If you're in GMC, you can reach out to Wyatt. And I will see you next week. Stay safe, look after yourself and don't eat and drink at the expense of how you want to look and feel. And I will chat to you next week.