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Nobody can stop you from having it all.
Welcome to The Unstoppable Babe Show. THE podcast for women who are done negotiating with their potential. Every episode is a permission slip and a wake-up call: elite performance strategy, identity psychology, and zero-excuses standards for the woman who wants a hot body, a rich life, a marriage that pops, and dreams so wild they used to sound delusional...but now they're about to become data.
Hosted by elite performance coach and speaker Annette Perkins, this show blows your own mind open on health, wealth, and relationships, and hands you the exact framework that built her own unstoppable life: her body, her business, her marriage, her platform. No pain-scan pep talks, no fixing what was never broken. Just standards, decisions, and the receipts that follow.
You don't need a vision board. Tune in and become one.
You will have 10 times the energy every week if you stop doing this one thing. Stop managing other people. Very subtly, we're managing other people when we are trying to show up in a way that would make them think something about us. Let me give you an example. When I was younger, a family member was talking with a friend, and I was nearby.
Annette Perkins:And as soon as that friend walked away... Remember, it was a friend. This family member turned to me and was, woah. Did you see her outfit? I can't believe she's wearing that.
Annette Perkins:And completely started to bash this friend. I learned in that moment that if you are not completely put together, look, make sure that you're all what everybody else thinks you need to be, then you are at risk. You are at risk for people not liking you. And that feeling of other people not liking you is wired into us to reject. We want to belong.
Annette Perkins:We are humans. We love connection, and we love being around people. And to feel rejected, we we tend to avoid it. So then we start playing small because we're trying to manage what everybody else is thinking about us by not playing to our grandest version of our life, and we play small. We don't show up on social media.
Annette Perkins:We don't do what we really wanna do. We are afraid of failure. We're afraid of embarrassment. We're afraid that we won't show up perfect, and and people find out that we're an impostor, that we're a fraud. All of those thoughts are simply you trying to manage somebody else.
Annette Perkins:They're all just a lie because your greatest highest version of you and what you really, really want is the thing that's speaking to your soul. And the moment you go for it, you're like, oh, no. What if I fail? What if somebody doesn't like me? What if they talk about me behind my back?
Annette Perkins:Guess what? That person couldn't have done anything different for my family member to have said anything different. That family member, by the way, she was envious of this friend without being able to put that into words. And so she made a comment to put that friend back down to an even playing field, to create the feeling that she was superior to this friend, which made her feel better in that moment. And isn't that what we sometimes do?
Annette Perkins:Walking around trying to manage how other people view us so that we can know that we are good enough, so we can know that we are worthy of belonging. But what if I just told you that you don't have to do any of that, that we were born belonging, that we are born worthy. It's our birthright. And so we don't have to spend all this time and energy managing anyone else to try and convince them that we are lovable, worthy, belonging. That wastes so much time and energy trying to manage what people think about us.
Annette Perkins:Take an audit of your day and make a little tally on a little piece of paper or on your phone for every time you have a thought about somebody thinking something about you and find out how often are you wasting time, energy, potential on trying to manage what other people think about you because you were taught that that is the safest way to live. And safe feels good to our nervous system. We... Our comfort zone feels great. We're wired for comfort and safety and security.
Annette Perkins:We all we all want to feel belonging and safe and certain. It's wired in us. But if we let that override what our soul is telling us to do, which is always outside our comfort zone, which is putting ourselves a little bit on the line and playing bigger to that grandest version of ourselves and what we desire, then we will always pull ourselves back if we're worried about what everybody else thinks. It's a word called visibility. So if you're not allowing yourself to be visible, stepping on a stage, stepping onto a podcast show, stepping up onto social media, being able to lead in a group, showing up in meetings, if we can't do that, we are hiding.
Annette Perkins:We are avoiding being visible, and we are usually trying to manage what someone else thinks of us. Because what if we mess up? What if we embarrass ourselves? What if we fail? What if we are rejected?
Annette Perkins:What if our ideas aren't that good? And we spend so much time in that mental spinning of all of the obstacles and the negativity. How about you give that same amount of airtime to what if they love it? What if you absolutely rock the stage? What if you found your purpose there?
Annette Perkins:When I first became a fitness instructor, I remember putting on that mic for the first time, and my mouth was dry. My face was flushed. My hands were shaking. I almost couldn't even push play on the music because I was so afraid to speak into that mic. I knew my stuff.
Annette Perkins:I knew I was actually physically ready, but emotionally, I was not in my most confident self. I almost didn't even start talking. I was so nervous. But what I did is I told a joke, push play, and we went, and it just kind of... It flowed.
Annette Perkins:It was... You know, compared to probably now, it was not a great class. But guess what? Being bad at something at the beginning is the price of success at the end. You have to actually suck first to become great at whatever it is that you want to do.
Annette Perkins:That is the price of entry. And when I just kept pushing play over and over every week, it it just got better and better and better, and I got better and better and better. And I was able to realize it's actually not bad. Because I was so afraid. What if they don't come back?
Annette Perkins:What if they don't like my class? What if nobody shows up? What if they tell their friend she's a horrible instructor? What if, what if, what if? When in reality, the opposite happened.
Annette Perkins:Sure. Some people didn't like class. Some people didn't come back. But most of them went and told other people, come to this class. This is a great class.
Annette Perkins:This is fun. You get a good training session. And on and on and on, my classes grew. But if I had allowed myself to be stoppable just because I was a little bit afraid and trying to manage what other people thought of me, I never would have realized how much fun it was to step on a stage and lead classes like that and to actually impact lives and watch their lives change and to create a space where everyone belongs and everyone can have an awesome time being united in getting fitter. We all belong in getting fitter.
Annette Perkins:So what is your thing that you are trying to manage somebody else's feelings, emotions, and thoughts about you when in reality, it's time to step in and own yourself and own your leadership. That it gives you back so much energy, so much time, and it makes it so much fun because all of a sudden, you're not responsible for anybody else's thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, actions towards you. And you're just a 100% owning who you are in all of your glorious awesomeness, in all of your grandest ambitions, and your divine DNA, and then your life can take off. A lot of people call themselves recovering people pleasers or I was a people pleaser or I worry about what other people think or perfectionists. Perfectionism is simply the fear of being seen, and it's a safety mechanism that has been a learned behavior.
Annette Perkins:It's something that I learned to do to make sure that I showed up, quote, unquote, correctly so that other people would think x, y, and z about me. That was me spending so much unnecessary energy trying to control what other people thought about me. When in reality, I had zero control over it, whether I showed up, quote, unquote, perfect or not. You can show up as the closest to, quote, unquote, perfection as possible, and there will still be people who don't like you. And that's okay.
Annette Perkins:Because if you like you, then it doesn't matter. And if you're living at your highest version and your most aligned, self, who you really, really are when nobody's watching and you're not performing and it's just you, then that feels incredible. That's actually the joy and the happiness people are looking for. And and you can have so much success and even more success when when you are sitting in that version. And then you can continue to raise the bar on your life, and that creates a bigger, wider circle of influence.
Annette Perkins:So you can impact and influence more people as a leader you really, really are. But we can't do that if we shrink our responsibility and energy to trying to control people outside of us. So when somebody is thinking, oh, I would like to turn my side hustle into a business, then immediately, our primitive brain is gonna serve up some thoughts of, oh, don't do that. What will your family think? Oh, yeah.
Annette Perkins:Your cousin did that and failed. Right? So it's gonna start serving up reasons why not to do it. And if we spend time there and give it airtime, then we will be stoppable, and we won't go do it because we're spending time thinking about, oh, better make sure that my aunt is happy that I chose the thing that she thinks for my life versus... But then you'll be playing at a smaller version of you, and it will feel really, really terrible.
Annette Perkins:And so if you understand how to train your brain and master the higher part of your brain, which is the prefrontal cortex using that to your advantage, your executive manager, then your actual you, your soul, your spirit that existed before you had a body and she knows what she wants, you can tap into that. And then you can actually make choices and decisions that are in alignment with her, with who you really, really are and the leader that you truly are. That's how you get a lot of your energy back. That's how you find more joy. That's how you create more impact in really, really cool ways.
Annette Perkins:Because when you are hiding, when you are keeping yourself from being who you really, really are deep down and what you really want deep down, then you are shrinking yourself to fit a version that isn't you. And how do clothes feel when they don't fit right? No. Thank you. You want clothes that feel good and that make you stand in your most confident, highest version self.
Annette Perkins:You want clothes that fit so that you can stand in your highest version of you, that actually does the thing that she wants to do. I had a leader teach me this phrase, and it's one of my favorite phrases. When I was training to become a national trainer, I remember being very overwhelmed and a little bit upset about how the trainees weren't leveling up to the level that I thought they could. And in reality, it was simply because I wanted their performance to reflect on their leader, me, I was one of the co leaders, and validate my work. So when I realized that, my co trainer, she helped me come up with a phrase that allowed me to separate my effort, which I'm a 100% responsible for, from their results, which they are a 100% responsible for.
Annette Perkins:That way I can give my highest level of performance at work and can be unattached to the result that they choose to go achieve. And actually what's crazy about this is it actually skyrocketed my career and performance to do that. You think that, oh, if you feel so responsible for the client's results and for your trainees' results and your students' results and your kids' results that, you know, all that, you know, just all that effort that it will then really show how awesome of a leader, parent, trainer, coworker, entrepreneur you are. When in reality, it actually shrinks you because then your energy is so focused on, I gotta get them the results so that I look good. Completely different energy versus I'm gonna give my best.
Annette Perkins:I'm putting in the preparation that I know. I'm gonna stand in my leadership and be an authority here and guide them as best as I can, and then it's up to them what they decide to do with it. Oh my gosh. That feels so good. Now that is calm authority and leadership.
Annette Perkins:And here's how I learned how to do that. It's this phrase that you say when you recognize that you're trying to manage everybody else and try and figure out their lives for them and make sure that they reflect well on you. And you say this, not my circus, not my monkeys. That actually increases your performance in life, work, health, family, relationship because you're owning what is truly yours to own and you're allowing them to own what's truly theirs to own. And that separation of responsibility and allowing them to manage what's theirs and you to manage what's yours increases your energy because you no longer have this burden of responsibility that was never yours to carry in the first place that you've been carrying off your shoulders.
Annette Perkins:And then they get to choose how they'd like to choose. It is one of the secrets to great leadership and parenting, which is a form of leadership. And it's one of the quickest ways to actually command authority in a very confident, empowering way, because then you're no longer trying to force or coerce or control somebody else. You literally hand them the keys to owning their results. And then they get to feel so great about it because how does it feel when you earn your results that are all yours that nobody can take away from you?
Annette Perkins:That's empowerment. That is success because you feel on top of the world when you've done the climb. Nobody else did it for you. Nobody else carried you up the mountain. You did it yourself.
Annette Perkins:So not only do they feel amazing because they know that they owned their effort and their results a 100%, but you feel amazing because you also have more energy to lead at the highest level. It's a win win situation. Everybody wins. Because that's what we do here. We win, and we help everybody else win.
Annette Perkins:When you stand grounded and leading yourself instead of spending so much time and energy managing everybody else and how they think about you, now we're rolling. Honestly, I whisper that phrase in my head when there's some family drama or a person didn't love my class or somebody's complaining about somebody else or when I think that my husband should do something different. Because when you allow people to go manage themselves, you give yourself permission to be yourself. It increases your authority in your leadership. It allows you to stand aligned with who you really are and not waste so much time trying to manage everybody else.
Annette Perkins:Plus, it creates freedom for you. Freedom to impact at a higher level because then you're the leader you've always wanted to be. And you can have the success and the results that you've always wanted because you're not wasting so much time on everybody else's drama and their lives. So you show up with more energy. And isn't that what we all want?
Annette Perkins:Try it this week. One simple phrase. Because how you show up is 100 responsibility. How everybody else takes it and reacts to it, 0% of your responsibility. God bless.