Extreme Ownership - The Key to Success

New Program for Glutes and Delts Starting MONDAY! May 27th. Sign up HERE for optimized programming and learn how to eat toward your goals too with yummy recipes and courses on how to set up a nutrition lifestyle!

Lindsay talks about how teaching her children work ethic, grit, and emotional regulation has tested her and taught her valuable lessons about parenting. She also touches on her realization that she needs to improve her time management to achieve better work-life balance, especially with summer approaching and her children being home. Lindsay uses personal anecdotes to illustrate how tracking and measuring her actions, both as a parent and in her professional life, have led to significant improvements. She encourages her listeners to take ownership of their actions and outcomes in life, shifting from being busy to being productive by setting measurable goals and following through. Lindsay's message is one of hope, encouraging listeners to see that they have the power to change their lives for the better.

Topics:

• (00:00) - 127 - Extreme Ownership - The Key to Success
• (00:05) - Join me in some self introspection
• (03:09) - Recognizing what kind of life you are creating
• (06:32) - You may be the cause, but you're also the solution!
• (08:38) - Thinking about what story we tell ourselves about ourselves
• (15:24) - Raise the floor, not just the ceiling by holding yourself accountable
• (18:32) - Obsessing about something won't bring it about
• (23:21) - What we can measure, we can control, and we can change

Creators & Guests

Host

Lindsay

Wife and mother of three. I have a deep passion for learning and teaching. I also really love lifting weights and fitness.

What is LiftingLindsay's More Than Fitness?

Dive into the joy of fitness with Lindsay and other guests exploring how it goes well and beyond the gym floor, the number on the scale, the size of your waist or the calories you're counting.

Lindsay: Hey guys, welcome to
the Lifting Lindsay podcast.

Today's episode, I really want to
encourage you to do a lot of self

introspection here, like a lot.

Um, and maybe I just want you to
join me because I've been doing

it a lot lately and I'm just like.

Oh, uh, I, I am needing to take far
more accountability and just ownership

of my choices, and I've been telling
Alex, I've been having so many of these

epiphanies, sadly it's the same epiphany,
but just about different topics of my

life where I'm like, oh, um, I'm actually.

Like, I'm, I'm the problem.

It's me.

No, I don't wanna say I'm the problem.

Um, I don't wanna, I don't want to, I
don't wanna put this in a light where

it would make somebody not want to
stand up and take massive amounts of

like extreme ownership of their life.

Um, so I don't wanna say like, you are
the problem, or I don't wanna use any

kind of like, maybe words that may lean
towards shame, because there are those

of us who may heavily, um, any feeling of
shame and they just kind of run and hide.

They, they don't wanna, they
don't wanna face ownership.

But I do really want to encourage you.

Today's gonna be an episode where we
take massive amounts of ownership,

um, for the way our life has turned
out and the direction of it right now.

It's been kind of a humbling week.

I think that that's
the, that's what I want.

I want, maybe this be, I want
you guys to feel the way I feel.

Okay.

Don't feel ashamed, but humbled.

Yes.

There's been things that I've noticed
with my children and in my family

that I, I really want it to change.

I don't want to keep this traject
trajectory because I'm, I'm worried

about what that's gonna look like
for my kids as they get older.

Right.

And for myself, and as
I did some really deep.

Diving this week.

Uh, really, really thinking and trying
to educate myself on what can, what

can I do to change these behaviors?

How can I teach my children to work?

How can I teach them grit?

How can I teach them emotional regulation?

Um, there, there's all of these
things that I feel like these are,

what are, what are going to serve
them best in their life and the

trajectory that, that, uh, they are on.

Is not one that is going to serve them.

Over and over again this week, I kept
feeling like, and, and once again

this isn't a shameful way, this was
just a very humbling and just me

taking complete ownership, I just
realized it's, I am creating this.

I'm creating, what I'm seeing that I
don't like, I am, I'm the creator of this.

I try to teach them to work.

I try to give them assignments,
but then I don't actually spend the

time to sit and do the work with
them and teach them how to do it.

And then I don't, I I, I kind
of hold them accountable by.

Going up and seeing and being
like, oh, well you didn't do

this and you didn't do that.

It's like, but I never put in the hours
to actually side by side, teach them.

But then I'm just mad that they
don't miraculously know exactly

how to do it, how I would do it.

And maybe some of you with
kids, this comes naturally.

Maybe some of you are like judging me.

Maybe some of you are, I don't care.

Maybe some of you are like, oh
yeah, yeah, I'm doing that too.

But.

Teaching children to work takes so
much work teaching children to have

grit takes so much grit like it
is testing me on whole new levels.

teaching my children emotional regulation.

Requires so much emotional regulation,

it requires all of these things.

And you guys, um, yesterday
was, um, mother's Day.

I'm not exactly sure when this
podcast is gonna go out, but for me,

yesterday was Mother's Day and I.

Just, I'm, I'm trying to get my kids
ready to church, to go to church, and I

just lost it on one of my daughters, and
I just sat there thinking afterwards.

One of the hardest things about being
a parent is actually regulating my

own emotions and not getting pulled
into the emotions of my children.

I think one of the hardest things
about any relationship is that right.

What if your spouse shows up in
an immature way and is accusatory

or whatever, it's hard not to
get pulled right into that.

Right?

Your, your sibling, your mother-in-law,
your mom, your dad, whatever,

show up in this immature way,
it's really easy to match them in

their energy and in their emotion.

And I was telling my husband that is.

It is so hard to stay the adult

as a parent.

Because when my children show
up in certain ways that are

frustrating for me, I instantly
wanna meet them where they're at.

But that's not how I teach
them emotional regulation.

So I'm sharing all of this
with you guys, not because I

know anything on the subject.

I am floundering around.

I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm trying to be a better
parent, better person.

Um, I'm trying to stay in growth
mindset and, and constantly

be working on improving.

those aspects of my life
that are the most important.

But this week it really has been
very eye-opening to me that the

changes you want, the cha, what
you're seeing, you are the cause

of, and that should not be scary.

It should not be frustrating.

It should not fill you with shame.

It should not fill you with doubt.

It should merely.

Almost fill you with hope that if
you're the cause of the current

state right now, guess what?

You are also the solution
and how exciting is that?

So just sharing a little
bit about my work.

I've been really frustrated.

This is another aspect, so I have that,
that parenting aspect that I've been

really focusing on and trying to work on.

But I also have work that I'm
like, something needs to change.

Something needs to change.

And I've been trying
to co-create with God.

Like what is it like I.

What is it that needs to change?

Why do I feel the way I feel and, and
how, and I'm, I'm also very nervous.

I feel like I'm just kind of living
day to day and not planning, and not,

yeah, there's, there's a lot of things
that I feel like I would like to see

improvements on within my work, but
also within the amount of time that I

spend working, because I really want to
spend more time with people and summer

is coming up and my kids are gonna be
home all the time, and so I'm like,

I've gotta get ahead and I've got to.

Plan out all these things.

Anyways, I've been overwhelmed by the
things I'm telling myself that I have to

have and have to do and have to accomplish
and have to plan and all of these things.

And this thought just came to me.

The only thing that you have to
do is become better at managing

your time and mental energy.

I'm like, okay, well that's
not that profound of a thought.

Anybody who knows me knows that
Lindsay just manage your time better.

But it's interesting because, and
this is where I really want you to

listen and think about this, we tell
ourselves stories that aren't really

based off of the full scope of reality.

I've been telling myself stories of
I work so much, I work all of these

hours, I do all of this for work,
and yet it's not producing X, Y, and

Z or doing X, uh, you know, A, B, c.

It's not, it's, it's
not doing these things.

And the thought came to me so
strongly whenever somebody comes to

me, and they're struggling because
they're not seeing that loss.

And I tell 'em, okay, are you tracking?

I ask them, are you tracking?

Well, yeah, kind of, but, but I
will tell you what they really do.

They tell me about their
best performing days.

I, they will lay out their best
performing day for me, and then

they'll say, I, I am doing that.

So why aren't I seeing results?

I tracked a hundred percent.

That's what everything looks
like all day, like all, you

know, week, all month, all year.

So why aren't I seeing fat loss?

I.

It must be, I have a slow mota metabolism.

It must be hormones, it
must be all of these things.

But remember, they're telling
me their best performing day.

How do I know this?

Because when they hire me as
a coach and I hold the floor

to that ceiling pretty much that
they told me that they were doing.

When I say that's the minimum that's
required of you doing what you said

you were doing, every day you do
it, you track a hundred percent

everything going in your mouth.

Okay?

Do it, and then guess what happens?

Huh?

All of a sudden they start losing weight.

So it wasn't the hormones,
it wasn't the metabolism, it

wasn't the, you know, thyroid.

Now, I will say that there are a
small handful of people, but usually

I can spot them and know that it's
time to move up to maintenance.

I've gotten pretty good at
a conversation with somebody

and knowing what the issue is.

So sometimes the conversation is.

You were seeing tons of success.

You kind of hit this wall.

This is why, let's move
you back up to maintenance.

And, but a lot of the times it
really is, you just described

your best day, but guess what?

That wasn't your normal, average day.

It's like when a fitness
influencer's like, oh man.

I'm gonna do a, everything I ate today,
you know, post better store, including

more vegetables, better make my meals look
better, better, you know, and it changes.

It changes the way that they show up.

So, so now let's take a step
back to what I was saying about

me and my time management.

So I got this, this.

Thought just came to me really strongly
like, you think you know what you're

doing with your time, but are you
just thinking about your best days?

And so, do you know what I did?

I downloaded an app.

I can pull it up right now.

It's called Toggle Track, and I
tracked every minute of every day.

Do you know what happened?

Well, I am.

I'm human, just like my
clients are human and yep.

I was telling myself the best day because
all of the sudden I start tracking

every tiny little thing that I'm doing.

I start really seeing where
my time is going, where I'm

draining it, and guess what?

I stopped draining less time.

My productivity for work skyrocketed.

All of the sudden, when I was tracking
where my time was going and I knew exactly

where I was going, guess what I could do?

I could control it and I could
manipulate it, and all of a sudden

I had the time that I needed to get
all the work and then some done.

Isn't that amazing how that happens?

Just like with my clients who, um, or
newer clients or people who come to

me and they're like, well, I track,
but, but are you really, are you

telling me your best day or are you
telling me your real average day?

So I saw this quote on social media,
um, and it said, most of performance

is about how we perform on our.

Average days, that's our floor,

not performance is not about
how we perform on our best days.

So the goal then is raise
the floor, not the ceiling.

So the ceiling is, I feel
like our best days, right?

We do.

We need to learn how to raise the floor.

Let me read that again.

Most of performance is about how
we perform on our average days, not

about how we perform on our best days.

Raise the floor, not just the ceiling.

I really want you to pause and think.

Are you tracking the way you
say you're tracking your time?

Your energy, your macros, whatever
it is that may be your goal.

I really want you to hold
yourself accountable.

Take extreme ownership.

That's also a book that is next on
my, on my reading list, but I feel

like I'm learning that right now.

As soon as I took extreme ownership.

Over what was going on with my
kids and, and their behavior.

Now I can start seeing changes.

I hope they happen faster than they're
happening because I can change me.

As soon as I took extreme ownership
over my time, I was mind blown

away by my level of productivity.

I had been wasting so much time,
but I'll tell you, as soon as you

start monitoring it, then you can
see what, where you're losing stuff

and you can pull and reign things in.

So that is, that's one of the
things that I really wanted to talk

to you and encourage you about it
really is the idea of being busy.

Versus being productive.

You see, in my mind, I was so busy.

I was so busy.

Why was I not productive?

Why wasn't I seeing
the fruits of my labor?

Because I wasn't monitoring to
the level that I should have been.

Now I see other ways
where we are very busy.

Not productive.

This is something that I've, I believe
I've talked about this before in

another episode, but I see people
spend 90% of their time being really,

really busy by studying everything.

They possibly can about
nutrition and exercise.

They are following all their
favorite fitness influencers.

They're asking them questions all the
time, but when it comes down to it,

they're only doing like five to 10% of
the required work that is needed to hit

their goals, but they, they feel busy
because it is constantly on their mind.

I see this with fat loss because somebody
is obsessing about how much they want to

lose body fat because every single time I.

They are obsessing and every single time
they, they step in front of the mirror.

They start thinking about,
I need to lose body fat.

You look at me, all of these things,
they start picking themselves apart.

Every day.

They step on the scale,
pick themselves apart.

Every time they go to eat, they just pick
themselves apart, even though, and it

may or may not change what they're eating
too, but it's like a constant obsession

about fat loss.

And so their mind feels so taken up
by it and so busy that they think

and they confuse obsessing about
fat loss will bring about fat loss.

No, it won't.

No it won't.

It seldom does.

In fact, usually it sabotages that
level of obsession, sabotages things.

It's like when you think about picking
up sand and, and you really wanna hold

the sand and you pick it up, the more
you squeeze it and try to hold onto as

much sand as you can, what happens the
more it all slips through your fingers.

So I see this nonstop with
individuals who are constantly

obsessing and thinking about.

Fat loss, fat loss, fat loss, fat loss.

This is what I need to do, need to do.

Maybe I need to a, a better plan.

That's what I need.

I need to ask this fitness influencer this
and this, and this, and this, and this.

So I have experience with, um,
on Instagram with a few followers

that will constantly inundate me
with questions throughout the week.

Now, I enjoy questions
and I wanna help people.

Now, keep in mind there's, I have
to respect those that pay me.

Um, and, and so there's only so
much that I can offer on Instagram,

but I do like helping people.

But questions would come in almost
daily from some individuals.

And finally I'd be like, well,
we already talked about this.

Did you do it?

Oh, not yet.

This is what I'm talking about.

You're staying busy.

And then what's even worse is
when I'm sitting mentoring a coach

who that person al also follows.

I.

We talk about this idea of busy and
productive and how there's difference,

and the coach was like, oh, I actually
have people who message me almost

every day asking me these questions.

We found out it, it was the same
two people constantly asking us

both the same exact question, but
they weren't ever doing anything.

They weren't being productive.

So their mind is in this calorie deficit.

'cause they're always obsessing
about calorie deficit, always

obsessing about fat loss.

But their body is not in a
physical calorie deficit.

So they're not actually
seeing any changes whatsoever,

but their walk around
exhausted because they think.

Just thinking about something,
planning something, obsessing about

it, wanting it is enough and it's not.

They're busy, not productive.

We have to get out of that.

So how do we, how do we step away from
that busy and step into productive?

We need to choose items that we can
measure and measure with accuracy.

Right.

So just like I was obsessing about
time management, I, I, I even like

last, in the past three months, this
has been on my mind so much and I've

listened to like four different books.

'cause I do audible on
productivity, on time management.

I just barely finished one
on the 12 week work year.

'cause I'm obsessing, I wanna glean
all this information, but the truth is.

I, I already know what I need to do,
but it's a matter of writing it down

and measuring it, and that's what
measuring my time did for me, and

that's what measuring people's energy
in their calories do for so many people.

But here's the thing,
you gotta measure it.

Measure it accurately.

It wouldn't be good enough if I just
said, well, at the end of the day, I'm

gonna think back on what I did in my
day, and I'm gonna put it into this

timer thing, and then that'll tell
me, because you forget so many things,

you just forget.

We're all human, it wouldn't have worked.

I literally right now, can tell you
exactly how long I've been working

on podcasts because I have it in my
toggle timer tracker right now, because

in the moment I am measuring it.

What we can measure, we can
control and we can change.

Remember that, but it takes massive
amounts of ownership too, to be

able to pause and say, because
of my actions, I am here, but how

amazing, because of my actions.

Then I can land somewhere else in just
a few weeks, a few months and a year.

So I want you to pause
and think to yourself.

What are things in your life
that you're complaining about but

you're not taking ownership of?

You're not actually writing down
measurable goals and then measuring

them and then doing it, doing the work.

You can talk about the work all day long,
but until you do it, nothing gets done.

Nothing changes.

So hopefully.

In today's episode, you've, it, it
doesn't even have to be about fitness.

Right.

Here I was talking about taking ownership
as a mom of my children's behavior more.

Now, I'm, I'm logical.

I know to some degree there are things
that I, I can't take ownership of.

They're still their own person,
but there's also a good, they

are still very, very moldable.

I have a 5-year-old, a
9-year-old, an 8-year-old.

There's still so much within my control,

and taking mass ownership of what
I've contributed to relationships,

to outcomes within my home, empowers
me to be able to change that.

What's fascinating about all of this is
every single time over the past week I've

sat down and been like, this is a problem.

I don't like this.

I wanna change it.

It is amazing how the change
has been, change yourself.

This about you, change it and
this is how you change it.

And it is just been a really,
really eye-opening week.

So.

Thank you so much for
joining me today, guys.

I just really wanna encourage you to
take hope in the ownership of your life.

We really do create the
outcomes of our life.

We really do.

I tell my daughters this all the time.

Last night had discussion with
my daughter about this she said,

I feel like you're just using me
and that you don't appreciate me.

I had asked her to do her chicken chores.

That made her feel used.

And I said, do you know
what's interesting?

It's actually a lot easier for me
to do your chicken chores for you.

Did you know that it takes a lot more
effort for me to teach you to do them?

And she just looked at me.

She goes, really?

I said, yeah, but do you know
why I want you to do them?

Even though it's actually
easier for me to do it?

Because I want you to learn that in
life, the most successful people do

things even when they don't want to.

They learn how to work and
they learn grit, and they

learn ownership of their work.

I said, you see, right now you're
telling yourself a story you're saying.

Mom is using me.

She just has me as a slave.

She just wants me to do all
of the, the cleaning and the

chicken chores and all of that.

She just wants to use me.

And I said, but reality is I'm
over here like, I love you.

And because I love you so much,
I wanna teach you the things that

will make you successful with I, I
shared that with you because, um.

That particular daughter tells
herself a lot of stories, and then

she gets so upset like many of us do.

After telling ourselves story, after
story after story and creating this

world in our head, we get upset when then
the reality that we created comes true.

And we say, oh, see, see,
I knew it was gonna happen.

I said, well, yeah, you knew it was
gonna happen because you created it.

You've spent weeks and weeks and weeks,
years and years, months and months,

creating that story, telling yourself that
narrative over and over and over again.

Of course it came true.

You created it.

Well, if you can create that, then you can
create a story that serves you, and that's

what I try to teach with my children.

That's what I try to do for myself.

We have to start learning to tell
ourselves narratives and stories

that serve us best and take ownership
in the world that we are creating.

You guys are awesome.

I appreciate all of you so, so much.

You guys have a wonderful week.