Meredith Brock: Hi, friends. Thanks for tuning in to the Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast, where we share biblical truths for any girl in any season. I'm your host, Meredith Brock, and I am here today with my co host, Kaley Olson.
Kaley Olson: Well, hey, Meredith. I am so excited for our listeners to get to hear today's episode.
We've got a brand new guest, one of our P31 teammates, Jasmine Kromah, who is just so delightful. You guys are gonna love hearing from her, not only because she's gonna encourage you, with a lot of, scriptural truths, but what I really liked about Jasmine's teaching is she's gonna meet our listeners where they are in their struggle with high expectations. And, Meredith, I mean, everybody, and their mama, and your kids, like, everybody listening to this is struggling with having high expectations of yourself. And so we're not gonna give too much away, and we're gonna dive straight into the episode. So let's jump in.
Meredith Brock: Let's do it.
Well, we are excited to welcome our friend and Proverbs 31 teammate, Jasmine Kromah, to the show today. Hey, Jas.
Jasmine Kromah: Hi. What else everyone doing?
Kaley Olson: We're so good.
Jasmine Kromah: Good.
Kaley Olson: It's fun to be in the studio sitting down. A lot of times when we record you guys listening, just for your information, sometimes we record over Zoom. And so it's like me and Meredith sitting here, and then somebody else is on a camera
Jasmine Kromah: Yeah.
Kaley Olson: On across the universe or wherever from. But you are here with us, and so it kinda makes the podcast a little bit more fun whenever you're here in the studio. But, Jasmine, you've been on staff with us for three years now, and you serve on the social media team. And okay. Here's the deal.
Instead of having you introduce yourself, I was recently and Meredith, you actually were part of a meeting where we had to introduce a colleague, and I was like, this will be fun. So I'm adapting that for today's show. And, Jasmine, I had your boss, Nicole, write your introduction. And this is so sweet. Okay.
So are you ready? Nicole says, Jasmine is kind, wise, and deeply knowledgeable about the word, and shares her insights with such grace. She manages the publishing of every single social media post for our ministry, which is a huge task, and writes so many of the impactful messages you see on your Facebook and Instagram.
And as if that wasn't enough, she is also an incredibly talented dancer and easily one of the best dressed people I know, which I can vouch for all of that. You look amazing today, Jasmine.
Jasmine Kromah: Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
Meredith Brock: And if if Jasmine ever comments on my outfit Oh, yeah. I feel really good about myself.
Kaley Olson: Yeah. Same. Uh-huh.
Meredith Brock: So Jasmine is on the show today to speak to all the girls with high expectations of themselves. So quickly, let's lay the groundwork for this message. You might be someone who has high expectations of yourself if you, and here we go, get ready listeners, find yourself unable to settle down. You know, maybe you can't ever stop cleaning your kitchen. You're passionate about making an impact.
You were raised in a high achievement environment or you feel like you have to prove your worth. Maybe you were the firstborn child in your family, firstborn. Hello. Raise your hand. You don't wanna let anyone down or wait for it.
You believe your identity as a Christian means you have to be perfect. Wow. I think that pretty much covers us all, ladies. So, Jas, now that we know everybody needs this, we would love to hear what the Lord's been putting on your heart.
Jasmine Kromah: Yes. Well, thank you so much for that introduction, Meredith and Kaley, and shout out to Nicole for that. I know. Sweet introduction. But, yes, today, I'm gonna be talking to the girl that has high expectations of herself.
And I know for me personally, I feel most triggered when it comes to high expectations be from my experience of being a dancer. So I grew up being, a dancer. I was started from the age of three. Both me and my sister just share the same passion and, I grew up doing it all throughout school into college and, took a little bit of a break during the pandemic trying to figure out what I wanted to do the rest of my life.
And I did have a call in my heart to do ministry and I was always asking God, like, how do I combine, like, my love of dance, in ministry? And so I did find myself in places where I knew my identity did not come from, the way that I performed, but I grew up in such a performance based industry that it was really hard to separate the two. And so as a dancer, the dance industry, it just demands yourself to be very, extremely disciplined. And you're challenged to make physical pain, mental fatigue, self doubt look, like, super easy. Like, no one ever knows, that, like, 95% of your craft and your training is done in front of a mirror.
So naturally, you know, 5% is like we're performing on stage. But every time we're practicing, we're in front of a mirror, we're looking at ourselves. So we have a high expectations of where our body should physically look like, what our abilities should be. Like, we should be more flexible than than the girl next to us, what our lines should look like, what our hair looks like. And so naturally, it starts to create this environment of competition and striving for perfection.
Then you go off and you might compete and you're dancing in front of three judges that don't know you from yesterday. They have feedback they wanna give you. If they see one minute routine and you feel like you're completely judged for the dancer that you are, even though you might have had a terrible morning, you might have gotten nervous, and you have these complete and utterly, like, unattainable expectations and you start to set your identity in, if I won first place that weekend, then that's what makes me a good dancer when that's not the case. But, high expectations can start to make you feel like your passion becomes this constant cycle of proving yourself worthy to win an award or to book a gig or to make someone believe the story that you're telling through your dancing. And so naturally, you can see how a lot of dancers have high expectations of themselves, but I know not everyone's a dancer.
And, another way in which I relate to this topic is just being an older sibling and also just having, you know, we have I have a parent that, is from West Africa. So naturally, like, academics and, like, being highly achieving household was just a natural conversation. Yeah. And, I don't think that my parents, put a lot of pressure on me, like, externally, but I naturally felt that pressure of, like, okay. I'm the oldest sibling.
Like, I need to know exactly what my plan is. Like, I wanna get the good grades, and I wanna be set an example for not only my sister, but I'm also, you know, coming up to be, like, the oldest cousin in the family. And, like, what does that look like for me? And I kind of put my validation in being, like, the really good girl and, like, going to the bible studies and interning at the church and, like, doing all the cool things and realizing that I was setting, like, unattainable high achieving goals that it was like no one else was putting that pressure on myself but me.
And, again, just seeking validation in ways in which, like, God never even put that pressure on me. I kind of just decided one day, I was giving an example to my sister when she was walking through, like, trying to find an internship and going on LinkedIn and seeing all these people get the cool, like, jobs at Google and Spotify. And, my parents had been begging me to, intern at my church. And I was like, why would I wanna do that when everyone has these, like, cool tech roles and or doing big, cool sports journalism roles? And, immediately, I realized that my the reason why I didn't wanna do it was not because it didn't seem cool, but because I had this I had set expectations of like, oh my gosh.
What if Pastor Dermen, like, quizzes me on the whole bible and I don't know what it is? Or, like, what if I haven't read the whole entire Old Testament and I don't know anything about theology? Like, why would they want me? Like, why would I wanna even apply to this rule? What do I have to offer?
And it was just an example of, like, why do we set these crazy expectations? Like, no one even asked me. Like, I I entered into the role and I had so much fun just growing and learning about my faith and being a beginner and learning about hermeneutics and all of these things where I was like, why did I set these crazy expectations on myself and create so much anxiety and added pressure when that was, like, never an expectation that anyone externally placed on me or anything that, like, God had placed on me. And so I know sometimes women can get in these positions where it's like, we might have yes. I know we grapple with external expectations, but a lot of the expectations that we find placed upon ourself is from ourselves and just these chaotic things that we make up in our head and spiral through these negative thought loops in order to, almost, like, disqualify ourselves before even taking a risk or acting on crazy faith.
So today, I just wanted to kind of touch on that in my teaching. And so I know, like I said, we're not all dancers or we might not be older siblings, but there is something or situations we find ourselves in where we're in these immense high pressure situations. And we might find ourselves saying, like, I just need to do better or anything less than perfect is just not good enough or why can't I just get my life together together? And so these thoughts may show up in our roles as parents. Maybe I have a lot of friends that are educators or work in health care.
So anything at your job, maybe even as a neighbor or a servant leader at your church. Maybe you're caretaking for a parent or a loved one. And our desires to want to show up well in these roles and spaces can start super innocently. And, of course, we wanna be reliable and we wanna be trustworthy, and we want to be able to show God, like, yes. These are the things you've given me and I wanna steward them well and I wanna take care of them with responsibility.
And I think that's a really good thing, but the reality is that life is not always as flexible as we'd like it to be. And priorities shift and our capacity to operate at 100% in all of the areas and spheres of influence that we're in is just not attainable, especially when we try to do it in our own strength. And so when we set these high standards or impossible standards for ourself, it only puts this, like, added weight. It almost intensifies, especially if you're already an anxious person or, you know, you get nervous in high pressure situations. It only intensifies what we're already walking through.
And that pressure can lead to, you know, stress, anxiety, and that constant feeling of just being on edge, never feeling good enough, trying to perform your best work in in all the areas, in your relationship, in personal growth, in your roles at work. And so I do wanna take a moment and just say, like, it is very honorable to want to do everything well. And the desire to be, again, dependable in all these spaces is a really normal feeling. But when perfectionism starts to creep in, it can become overwhelming and sometimes it even stalls you or it's can be very detrimental to how you show up in other spaces.
And that line between having almost a prideful perfectionist viewpoint and doing things with excellence can be really blurry. It can get really blurry. And when I was researching this topic, I found this quote, which I know, Kaley, it kinda shook us both, so I'm gonna read it. But it reads, when we pursue excellence, we're determined to do something as well as possible within a given set of talent, resources, and time limits. But perfectionism is a pride or fear based compulsion that either fuels our obsessive fixation on doing something perfectly or it paralyzes us from acting at all.
Both of which often result in the harmful neglect of other necessary or good things. And that was what made me remember that internship experience because for me, it did kind of stall me and paralyze me in almost not wanting to go out for opportunities. And, again, I was just like, oh my gosh.
Wait. I haven't read the whole Bible. I I hope no one quizzes me on anything where it's like, no one even said they would. But it almost counted me out of such, like, a beautiful time of learning about my faith and being and growing the confidence to even be like, oh, yeah.
I don't know much, but I can tell you what I do know about Jesus. And it so I almost would have missed that great opportunity had I kind of fallen back into almost hyperfixating on what I was lacking. And I know sometimes creating those high expectations builds that wall of, like, okay. I'm immediately gonna disqualify myself because I know I won't measure up anyway.
And the beautiful truth of the gospel is that, like, God isn't asking us to measure up on our own. Like, if we could measure up on our own, then we wouldn't need him.
And so I think that's something that's super special.
Kaley Olson: Can I tell you why that quote roasted me? So the word paralyzed that you mentioned, you talked about, perfectionism paralyzing you in there.
And it brought me back to in the very beginning of the Bible in Genesis where God says, you are free. And a lot of times, we kind of think about that, like, You are free to, you know, like, live and, like, go name the animals, You are free, but don't do this. But the first command starts with, You are free. And, I'm so thankful Lysa taught us that years ago, because that's been a game changer for me, but I've never associated you are free with high expectations of myself or like being paralyzed.
But if God wants us to be free, then that means everything. You know, like I am free to do my best with excellence, but I am not free whenever I'm chained to perfectionism, which makes me not even try at all. How many times do I get stalled out and not even do something because I'm afraid I won't do it well. So I just wanted to add a little bit of color there because I just think, that it's it was such a good quote, and I like the distinction.
So Yeah.
Meredith Brock: Kaley, it's so funny that that's where you went in scripture because I went to this same section of scripture. I literally wrote down as you were talking, Jasmine, this back in Genesis, so much of this comes from that original sin moment, you guys. And do you remember what what did God say to Adam and Eve when they hid? Where are you?
Where are you? And who said that?
You know? And so much of these expectations that we set on ourself, I feel like the Lord says, Who said that? Yeah. Like, I never put that on you. You know, your sin nature is telling you that you need to be perfect when that is actually impossible to be perfect.
And the only way to be perfect is to be dependent on him and so even that is that idea of, like, I have to fill in the blank. I have to do great in school.
I have to be the best dancer. I have to be the perfect mom. I have to be the best employee, or whatever, fill in that blank.
Guys, that's your sin nature. And it's screaming at you, trying to draw you away from dependency on the Lord, because he's saying, I never said that.
You know? And so so good, Jasmine. I think you're really hitting a vein here, you know?
Jasmine Kromah: Well, I'm so glad you guys brought up both of those things talking about just experiencing that freedom, because that's one of the scriptures that I wanted to talk about.
So Okay. Here we go. But first, I'll I'll speak to this verse, in second Corinthians 12:9-10. And it reads, but he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why Christ for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. And I honestly, I hear that verse all the time and sometimes I'm like, yeah. I know. It's I I get it.
My my weaknesses, he shows up. But sometimes those super high expectations that, you know, we place on ourselves, again, they create that burden of perfection and that pressure. And like Meredith said, we were never who said that? Like, we were never meant to carry it anyway. And the other beautiful truth about that is that, like, Jesus already met perfection so that we don't have to.
And I think sometimes when we're going about our daily routines or even when we have a high pressure moment, it's really easy to, like, not remind yourself of that simple truth of the gospel. Like, sometimes you you know it, like, you know your head knows it. But I think a lot of the times when I'm navigating just like, okay. I know I have this audition coming up. Like, sometimes the the most simple thing I can tell myself is, like, I'm not expected to be perfect.
Like, yes, I'm going to be performing in front of three people that don't know me, and it's gonna be thirty seconds of choreography, and they're gonna make a decision right there. That's what that's what might be true in that moment. But also what is true is that, like, Jesus already met perfection for me. So I'm not expected to show up and be perfect. And, I think that's really a beautiful thing that we can remind ourselves of especially in when our thoughts are the thing that's intensifying that burden, is like reminding yourself of that simple truth.
But I also like the part of this verse that talks about how God meets us in our weaknesses. And it's so funny. I'm I'm part of, like, a hip hop crew outside of dance and it's we have this thing where now that we go into auditions a lot or we have these, like, really crazy packed out classes with, like, choreographers from, like, all over, sometimes we just tell ourself right before we, like, go on the dance floor, we're like, you know what? I'm just gonna show up in delusion. Like, I'm gonna, like you almost kind of, like, make not make light of your weaknesses, but you kind of just, like, accept it.
And, yes, you, like, work on them and you wanna grow and improve in those areas, but you almost want to, like, just be like, okay. Well, God's gonna meet me in my weaknesses. I know what I what my strengths are, and I can't fix my weaknesses right away in this moment. So, like, how can I ask God to and how can I invite him into, you know, where what what I'm lacking and where I feel like I'm not the strongest? And the rest, I'm just gonna, like, I'm just gonna be delusional.
Like, if the choreography is fast, I'm gonna tell myself it's not that fast. And, like --
Kaley Olson: Yeah. But I love that you're having fun with it. Yeah. I think there's freedom in giving your yourself permission to have it.
Jasmine Kromah: To have fun. And sometimes, honestly, life is not that serious. Like, sometimes it's just not that deep. And I know sometimes it is.
Don't get me wrong. But I do feel like it's part of that, freedom and, like, the grace that God gives us is, like, sometimes the only thing you can do to de intensify a situation is, like, guys, I can't really do that. Like Yeah. Let's be real. Like, I can't do that.
I'm not God. So how are we gonna show up in this moment? I'm gonna trust that God's gonna meet me where I'm lacking and leave the rest to him. And that's kind of something that, again, even though it's a little silly and funny, it is kinda preaching to yourself. Like, Jesus has already met perfection.
Like, we saw throughout the Old Testament, like, we were incapable of meeting all these highly impossible standards. Like, there was a reason that God sent his son and so he did the work, He completed that work and it is finished. And, like, now we get to live in that freedom, which I I just love that verse. And I also think it's so fun to just see kind of, like, your weaknesses and make light of them a little bit.
But, yeah, I I think that verse also reminds me that Jesus is just super dependable and we don't really I don't know. Sometimes we like white I know we talk about white knuckling it through life and feeling like we have to show up and be a % all the time. And the truth is that, like, our best is gonna look different every day. Like, my best today is not gonna be what my best looks like tomorrow, and that's okay. It's still my best and it's still honorable, but I'm human and my humanity is not going to be not going to measure up to the finished work that Jesus did.
And so just resting in that truth, I think it gives that freedom that you talked about, Kaylee. But also I wanted to speak to another verse, and it's comes from, where am I? Comes from Hebrews 10:14 And it reads, for by the one offering, he forever made perfect those who are being made holy. He fulfills what we can't.
And that comes from the New Living Translation. And I really loved that translation. At first, I kind of read it and I was like, is it saying that, like, we're supposed to be perfect and we no longer struggle with sin? And obviously not or we wouldn't need a savior. But, I did find this quote from Charles Spurgeon and it reads, What a glorious word.
Those for whom Christ has died were perfected by his death. It does not mean that he made them perfect in characters so that they are no longer sinners, but that he made those for whom he died perfectly free from the guilt of sin. When Christ took their sins upon himself, sin remained no longer upon them for it cannot be in two places at one in the same time. And that's how I know, like, the Holy Spirit was moving because you mentioned perfectly free and Meredith, you mentioned, you know, that sin that the almost like that pride that gets in the way, that perfectionism that says, like, oh, no. I can do this all on my own.
And, like, these are the expectations that I've set for myself. It almost feels like sometimes we kind of take try to take the reins from God and we're like, you know what? I can control this situation. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna set these standards.
And by doing that, we do live chained. Like, we're not living in the grace God gives us. We're not living in that freedom and we're not accepting that perfection has already been has already been met. And therefore, even the word that says, like, upon them, like, now we're we've placed all of this stuff upon ourself to carry when it was never meant to be that way. And, I do believe, like we talked about in Genesis, sometimes part of that sinful nature that we have is pride.
And sometimes we don't realize, like, trying to reach for perfection is a it's prideful. There is a way to live life where we wanna steward things well and we want to achieve excellence. But, again, that can get blurred when we set these high expectations And then when we fall short, because we will, when we do fall short, we're like, well, why couldn't I get that together? Like, what is it about me? And it and it's all that the the glory that we could have given to God that would help us walk through those situations is now everything's about me.
I didn't do anything right. And it doesn't sound prideful, but it is. And and so, those unrealistic expectations or even just striving to do things that God has called us to do, but trying to do it in our own strength, it just creates unnecessary work and stress that could be eased had we invited God into our situation to begin with. And we could experience that freedom, that he's ready to give us if we let go of that extra weight and cling to that truth that, like, no. He's not acting asking us to be perfect.
He's just reminding us that he's already shown up and done the work. And why create extra weight and stress when you don't have to do that? Yeah. And so I think that's such, like, a beautiful gift that we get to rest in his freedom from striving.
But I do think it does take a little bit of practice to kinda keep reminding yourself, like, I'm actually not Jesus. Like, I actually cannot do that. Right. But asking him to meet you where you are lacking. So I think that's something that kind of has helped me, kind of cling to that truth, especially, like I don't know.
As a dancer, you're just always in high pressure. It's like every you're trying to prove yourself in every audition, every room you walk into. I don't like, I was trying to explain to, like, people that don't really dance, like, let's say you make a team, you might still be auditioning for every dance that you have once you've already made the team. So it's like every week, it'd be like if Meredith interviewed you every week for your job.
Kaley Olson: No, thank you.
Meredith Brock: That is brutal. It's a lot.
Jasmine Kromah: It's a lot.
Meredith Brock: That is brutal. It's a lot. In a world that I really have not had any connection with, and so it's just very eye opening to me. And when you were talking about pride, I think sometimes, at least in the, or at least for me, I'm gonna say this is for me, when I, and I've had to learn this over time, the way that I have previously defined pride was a cocky person.
You know, like that's how I thought of pride, like, and so I was like, I am not a cocky person. In fact, I think I'm, I can be pretty insecure about stuff. And so I never really thought I wrestled with pride until I found myself in a few very, very needy situations. And I knew I was being brought face to face with my own need and my own lack of ability to push through something, figure something out, whatever. There was a there's a variety of different things that all of a sudden I saw how needy I was.
And how exposing that felt to me. And in that moment, was I going to puff myself up and pretend like I didn't have need and say, no, I am perfect, and I am gonna keep I'm gonna keep doing this until I make it right.
Or am I gonna say, wow, God, I don't actually know. And I really need you to show up here. And I need the people you've put in my life, I need you to use them now to show up for me, you know?
And so I think oftentimes this, it really is like this, it's a blurry line between striving for excellence and pride. You know, and saying, are you gonna white knuckle it? Are you gonna hold on to control? Are you gonna force an outcome?
Or maybe not even an outcome, a, what's the word I'm looking for? Are you gonna make it look on the outside differently than it actually facade. Are you gonna make it look different on the outside than it actually is on the inside?
You know, in order to hold up appearances. That's what the word I was looking for. And I think we do that a lot because we're unwilling to show our need to other people and unwilling to show our need to God.
You know, and that is a, when you talk about freedom, that's a prison y'all. To live in that place where you're unwilling to, and it's mostly because of fear and and pride, you're unwilling to say, man, I'm needy and not enough is a is a prison to live there if you're unwilling to do it. When you're finally willing to say, yeah, I am so not enough.
Like, I so don't have it together, there is this freedom there. But it is scary because it requires dependency on the Lord. I'll you guys have probably all heard me say this before, but I'll say it again because it was such a profound moment in my life.
I won't go through all the details, but I was younger, in my twenties, had worked really, really hard to get to a certain place, and everything felt like it was falling apart. And I was being put in a position that I really felt like was unfair and all this stuff, and not even unfair, it was more like, God, this is not what you had designed for me. This is not it. You told me you were gonna fill in the blank. And the Lord so clearly told me, I was reading in Psalm, and I had to look it up on my phone while you were talking, Jasmine, because I was like, I wanna make sure this is the right one, but it's in Psalm 147.
I was reading, kinda mad at God, and it talks about how he lifts up the humble. And in that moment, it was so clear the Lord said to me, Meredith, I cannot lift an unbowed head. And it was like, oh man, I need to bow my head otherwise. And it was so clear in the moment too. He said, I can lift it for you if it's bowed, and then it's my job to keep it lifted.
I don't want the pressure of lifting my own head, guys, and keeping it there. I don't want the pressure of being perfect and always having to hit that mark. Because I know deep down inside, I don't have what it takes.
We can't. It's impossible. Yeah. And so there's freedom in bowing your head and saying, Lord, I can't do it.
You know, and I'm okay with exposing my frailty because in that moment, it allows you to show your strength, the Lord. So so good, Jasmine. Come on, girl.
Jasmine Kromah: Well, yeah. I can definitely relate to, like, almost like you really do have to practice humbling yourself. I mean, otherwise, God will humble you.
Meredith Brock: That's right.
Jasmine Kromah: But that's true. Yeah. I love that you shared that.
Thank you, Meredith. But now I just wanna get into, like, the practical application of just how these verses have impacted my life. And, obviously, I'm not perfect at any of these, but I think it's just something that I kinda landed on. Even I was, I was just talking with friends and things of, like, how do we, like, stop setting these unrealistic expectations? And even if we do, how do we work to kind of be a little bit more flexible in in how we approach them?
And so the first gentle reminder I wanted to start with was just embracing rest. And I do have one more scripture that kinda ties this together. I love Hebrews because it's one of those books that really does, like, just humble me. It's like, no. You need to rest.
But this verse comes from Hebrews 4:9-11 And it says, there remains then a Sabbath rest for the people of God. For anyone who enters God's rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us therefore make every effort to enter that rest so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. And so I just love that when we do rest, we actually do imitate our savior.
We do imitate, who God is. And, again, like, when we're wearing this badge of honor of, like, well, actually, my schedule and my Google Calendar is, like, completely student council president, and then I'm also, like, making straight A’s and all of these things. You're actually not allowing any time to rest, and it it is a prideful thing. You're like you're saying, hey. These are all the things that I'm doing in my own strength.
When it's like the real the reality of that is, like, it's not gonna be sustainable. You're not gonna have time to show up well in all of those spaces at all times. It's just not going to happen. And then you kinda fall into a pattern of, like, well, maybe I don't have time to read my Bible today. I don't have time to pray.
I don't have and slowly but surely, you're creating a pattern of just, like, leaving yourself open to not be obedient to God. And so I think that rest is super intentional to where it kind of separates us from our priorities just a little bit and it allows us to get into that intimate space with God, and allow for, yeah, that, like, humbling and reminding ourselves of our humanity and why we need a savior and asking him to show up in the places that we're lacking. And so I think something that I try to do just practically is even if it's something just like going on a walk or after work, like, I try to set my bag down as soon as I get home and I'm like, the weather's nice. Let's not doom scroll on Instagram and compare myself to everyone on social media when I can go for a walk, I can play some worship music, I can call a friend, and, just making, time to rest, I think. It's something simple, but it really does help.
Kind of just, like, take your mind off of these expectations that you've set and really allow God to do what he does best and kind of refill you, reestablish yourself, and even give yourself time. Okay. Maybe this goal that I set for myself is really unrealistic. How can I flesh this out and ?
Make it a little bit more bite sized so that it doesn't feel like this overarching, overwhelming, task at hand. But secondly, I would say is challenging negative thought loops, which I know we kinda talk about that a lot. But I know when we have expectations, we can spiral really quickly. Obviously, like the internship experience I was talking about where I just continued to spiral. But I think pausing, even whether it be the verses that we talked about today, Genesis and Hebrews and 2 Corinthians, where it's like keeping catching those thoughts captive and really speaking truth back over yourself.
Sometimes I like to do this even if I, like, save one of our graphics or, like, if it's something Lysa said, I'll, like, bookmark it or save it on Instagram or put it as my iPhone, like, wallpaper. So just, like, being intentional about constantly reminding myself because how often, like, just as we spiral with, like, negative thoughts, we could just over obsess over, you know, something that is actually true about us instead of, always just creating this thought loop that does nothing but intensify a situation. And so I think even just, like, having sticky notes or writing it on an index card. I know when I got my first car, my mom put, like, scripture in my car and put it on my dashboard and, like, it's still now my sister has that car and it's still there. And so it's just one of those things that you can always, like, look back to, and just, like, remind your heart of what your head might already know it by just repeating it to your heart and so you really, can live that out.
And so the third step that I would say is celebrating progress and not perfection. This really showed up in my dancing because, obviously, there's just I mean, it's so subjective. There's so many different judges you're always a part of. You might be the perfect fit for one job and the next job is, like, nope. You actually have curly hair, we don't need any more curly haired people. Thanks for coming. Like, you know, so it could be something so, so out of your control. And I think taking the time to celebrate little progress. Sometimes in class, I'm like, I'm just really happy that I got the first four counts of eight of that choreography.
I didn't get the last four counts of eight, but I'm really happy that I got the first four counts. And just, like, allowing myself to feel happy about something that, like, you know what? I did put a lot of work into that. And, I like to at the top of every year, I like to have a list in my notes app where I just call it, like, moves of God 2025. And it'll just have things like, oh, I talked to a new person today at the audition or oh, like, I got asked to be on the podcast. I wanted to say no, but I said yes. And, like, just have recognizing those moments where it's like, oh, yeah. That was like a really nice moment of bravery that I didn't disqualify myself in that.
And I think it's something that also reminds me, like, and look at how God met me there. And I can celebrate that and I don't have to I don't have to think of progress as reaching these really high unattainable goals. I can almost turn, an expectation into, like, an intention instead, like, setting an intention, like, even before class. It could be, I really wanna set the intention of focusing on retaining choreography.
That way it's like, oh, I need to retain the exact, you know, choreography to the best of my ability. It's like, okay. If I set my intention on retaining choreography, three counts of eight, I retain three counts of eight. Maybe not the full eight count or maybe that looks like, you know, today I wanted to set an intention of not saying, a lot when I talk or taking pauses and, you know, making eye contact and things like that.
So even just setting an intention, I kinda feel like it gives, like, a softer entrance into rather than having an expectation that feels weighty and an intention feels a little bit more bite sized. And it's something that you can really, like, celebrate and make fun and share with your loved ones and share with your friends. Like, hey. This is this is the things that I never thought I would do and God met me there.
And so lastly, I would say to practice self compassion. And I know that sounds really silly, but I think of, like, all the times that I'm constantly hyping up my friends on social media or, you know, at the studio, we're screaming so loud. You can barely hear the music because we're just cheering for our friends, but and it's easy to do that, but we don't do that for ourselves. We never like, think of how many times you compliment your friend and then you stare back in the mirror and you're like, I actually hate this about myself. I'm not doing this right.
And we just never show ourselves the compassion and it's like, God sees us as his daughter and he sees us as someone worth loving and someone worth, you know, walking through life with and we do not see ourselves the same way. And so I think it's really important simply almost the to contradict those negative thought loops that we talked about earlier, but speaking positively over yourself. And that doesn't always mean like, oh, I'm perfect and I get nothing right or, like, nothing wrong.
But it could just be something as simple as, like, you know what? I showed up today. I was braver than I was yesterday.
I saw growth in this area that I was struggling with for a long time. And I know sometimes it can fluctuate. Some days we have better days than others. That's normal. But even in that, saying, like, my I gave my best today and my best might have been 40%.
Whereas yesterday, my best was 80%. And so even though our best looks different every day, it's still our best and it's still, excellence within the capacity that we have. And whatever capacity we don't have, we can pray and ask God to provide that for us and show up in the areas that we're lacking. And I always like to say, like, if I wouldn't say it to a friend, like, why am I saying it to myself?
And it I catch myself, like, every single minute of the day. I'm just like, I really would not I wouldn't say this to, like, my little sister. I would never say that to her or, like, my mom or my best friend. I would never say things like that to them. So why do I think it's okay to speak that over myself?
Yeah. But, yeah, I would just say those four practical steps, embracing rest, challenging those negative thought loops, celebrating progress over perfection, and turning those expectations into intentions. And then just practicing grace and self compassion, and knowing that it's okay to not have everything together. It's actually impossible. We can't have everything together all the time.
But regardless, we are deeply loved and we are valued, and regardless of our performance. Like, that will always be true because we just have such a wonderful God who is gracious and shows up for us. But, yeah, that's that's all I have.
Kaley Olson: That was so good.
I loved our conversation today, and here's how I would just wrap it up and land the plane. Part of what we talked about in the middle of the teaching was pride and how we feel like we have to have it all together, and that creates, like, this illusion, a facade of something that's totally untrue. And I think, Jasmine, what you're teaching today was was really an invitation to live out what the gospel message of, like, of Christ is. If we acted like we had it all together, we would never have an opportunity to show how God is using us in our weakness. And I think a lot of times, that's even a way that we can put pressure on ourself, like, oh, I need to go to my neighbor and have a tract, and give them Psalm 23 and, like, lead them.
Like, no. Show up authentically and invite them into how God is working in your life through conversation. And so I think that, even today, just embracing our own imperfections, showing up in life like we are, talking about how God is working in us and through us is a way for us to be the light, of Jesus to the world. So thank you for coming on the show today. I do have a couple of announcements.
First, follow Proverbs 31 Ministries on social media. Jasmine writes so much great content, and so does the rest of the team there. But what I liked about our message today, as Jasmine talked about, like, taking screenshots or, saving content that really encourages you, you're gonna find encouragement on our social media channels multiple times a day, every day. Second thing, we've linked a resource called “A Simplified Guide to the Lord's Prayer” in the show notes. And so if you're kind of like, okay.
What do I do next? How do I, you know, incorporate a reminder of my humanity, so that I don't focus on perfection or high expectations, like, I think that this guide would be really, really helpful to you. So you can download it using the link in the show notes for free.
Meredith Brock: That's right. Well, that is all we have for today, friends.
At Proverbs 31 Ministries, we believe when you know the truth and live the truth, it really changes everything.