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Lawrence Marshall shares the incredible story of how he became a mentor to kids from hard places in Grand Prairie, TX. Lawrence founded and served as Executive Director for Integrity Mentors, an organization that helped kids to build self-esteem, confidence and self-respect through programs based on biblical principles.
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven, and I'm here with 2 very special people, Darius Person.
Speaker 3:What's up?
Speaker 2:And Lawrence Marshall.
Speaker 4:Hello. How you doing?
Speaker 2:Lawrence, so glad to have you all the way from Grand Prairie, Mansfield. I don't know if there's any other like, is there a nickname of that part of town? I don't know.
Speaker 4:No. Well, I guess they would call it Murri Lago's. Mira Lago's the big area over there, so it's that just all consuming.
Speaker 2:Come on. Well, thank you for taking the time to come all the way out here to Northeast Dallas. You said this morning that this was, like, the longest you've driven since, since COVID happened.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. We've we've been in the house. 3 kids, you know, wife, working from home, and just I take a drive every day. It's usually just up and down 20, and then I go home once a day.
Speaker 4:But this is but I was I was geeking. He said, hey. Do you wanna drive 50 minutes to an hour? Yeah. Let's go.
Speaker 4:Let's go. I'm there. This gets me out of the house for a while, and I can do a little drive. So I'm I'm always okay with it.
Speaker 2:Oh, man. COVID COVID has got us going crazy. Like, we get excited about driving in 50 minutes. Like, yes. Something new.
Speaker 4:Yeah. The wife and wife say, hey. Text me on the way up on the way home. Hey. Could you stop by the store?
Speaker 4:Yes. What do you need? You know, the story when we stop by. I need to go you know, it's it's it's fun. You gotta find creative ways.
Speaker 4:Right?
Speaker 2:Yes. Find creative ways. Yes. Aaron's are a perk at this time. So Yeah.
Speaker 3:I actually grabbed the mask and keep it on you and Yep. One time, I forgot to put it on and they just said, hey. Hey. Mask. What's what's your mask?
Speaker 3:Oh,
Speaker 4:my bad. Yeah. We keep a bunch of them in the car. Both cars have a stack of them. We get go to the car.
Speaker 4:They're they're locking it down now. You can't go in here.
Speaker 2:Come on, man. I went to see my grandmother up in Perkins, and you you said that you're from kinda Oklahoma City Yeah. Went to Langston.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And, we thought that this whole thing was gonna just kinda end. Mhmm. And so I hadn't seen my grandma in a long time, and I just had my firstborn son.
Speaker 4:Oh, congrats.
Speaker 2:We're like, we we just wanted her to see him. Yeah. We went up there and, my grandma answers the door and she's wearing this mask, and it's just a big Elvis, like, on her mask. It's just like the most ridiculous mask I've ever seen, and I just laughed so hard. And she loves Elvis, so I was just like, of course, grandma.
Speaker 4:You're Too funny. You're going for it. So
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my wife lived right by Elvis in Memphis, and she said she never been, you know, to Graceland. And it's like, why? She's just been he's right there. I just don't really care.
Speaker 4:Gotta go see that. I haven't been there, but I'll look. I I I'm not gonna lie. I'll I'll I'll I'll admit. I watched a lot of his movies growing up, a lot of those movies.
Speaker 4:It was very entertaining. So, yeah, I'm I'm a I'm a Elvis fan, you know, part of the movies and a little bit of the music, but Elvis is a great
Speaker 3:guy.
Speaker 4:He was a great guy, rather.
Speaker 2:Come on. Lawrence, I I wanna hear more about you. So Yeah. Tell our listeners a little about who Lawrence Marshall is and, I mean, just kind of your experience in the mentoring sphere, if people don't know you yet. I know you know Carlton from Mercy Street.
Speaker 2:I know you're super connected, but I would love for our listeners to learn a little about you.
Speaker 4:Sure. Sure. Yeah. Lawrence Marshall been here. I'm originally from Oklahoma City, and I moved the ground quite a bit quite a bit.
Speaker 4:No father in the home. Mother and my father divorced when I was 3. I have an older sister and a younger sister, and so we just grew up in this really violent, one of the I was not gonna say the worst, but one of the worst neighborhoods in Oklahoma City called North Highlands. So folks who have been there know about North Highlands. There's a juvenile detention center not too far right outside of the neighborhood, so man, I just I I I try to think about things that I haven't gone through, and it's a short list, and it's a lot
Speaker 3:of grace to God that
Speaker 4:I survived through all of that, you know, through dealing with gangs and been arrested three times before I was 24, you know, starting at 15, selling cars and and selling drugs, or runner for cocaine, and, you know, dabbling in gun activities, and and clothes, and just you you name it. Just hanging out with the wrong people at the wrong time, and and just fighting all the time. My temper was just horrible. I was angry all the time, never understood why. Even though my mom kept us in church and kept us involved, even though my mom will put put a whooping on me if I acted out of line, but I still see I don't know why we knucklehead kids walk out the door the next day and completely forgot what just happened and go out and do something else to get you in trouble.
Speaker 4:So I think just about every school I went through went to, I I knew the principles of first name basis. Like, hey. How you doing? How's your day? You getting in trouble today?
Speaker 4:No. I'm I'm good today. But but, just going through all of that, and and and I wanted the the the my mom got me involved with a couple of young men that invested in me and just, you know, even though I didn't talk to them every day, they were just there when I when I just hit rock bottom, and I just didn't really get somebody to talk to and just kinda talk me through some stuff when I got a bite to eat. So a mentor doesn't always have to be connected every day, every week to their kids. They just have to be available when they do call.
Speaker 4:That builds trust over time. And over time, I just developed this rapport where and still to this day, I'm in contact with them. I call them mama, papa Fox, papa Siems, mama Siems, you know, those are guys that's involved in my life, and I wanted to be that to these kids. So, you know, fast forward, I'm married 14 years, met my wife at OCBF in the youth ministry, and we dated for a while, and she has the same passion for kids and, you know, we adopted our 3rd kid, Ramon, about maybe 7 years ago and we're kinda dabbling around the idea of doing it again.
Speaker 2:Really?
Speaker 4:Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it's it's been more so me kind of pumping the brakes. I mean, that's 4 kids.
Speaker 4:My wife's like, if you have 3 kids, what's the 4? Doesn't it? No. It's different. There's another room.
Speaker 4:There's another plate. There's another space in the car. You know? So but, you know, so
Speaker 2:we're we're still we're still gonna need a new dishwasher.
Speaker 4:Yeah. We gotta get a bigger fridge and but, yeah. So then I'm yes. Running Integrity Mentor. I started Integrity Mentor.
Speaker 4:I'm the founder and executive director back in 2006. Got a nonprofit status in 08 from, SMU. They help you get your non this is a note for everybody. SMU helps you get your nonprofit status at no cost to you. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:You just call them up, pitch your idea, they interview you, they bring you on as a client, they take care of everything, your bylaws, you're submitting your everything. You just go and you just make yourself available.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 4:Just started, you know, just started I started with 5 boys, my passion, just getting involved with these kids, live with 5 boys that I wasn't involved with at this other program that was going away, and I just took those 5 boys, started hanging out with them once a month, and it turned into our format. Someone turned me onto the nonprofit sector, I kinda had an idea and I decided to go ahead and pursue that. And then 14 years later, I'm dealing with investors and constantly having meetings to raise money and have some volunteers that's been running the programs, but still you gotta oversee all of those things while at the same time raising a family of 5 and still doing IT consulting and still trying to mentor like in the face of kids, so it was a lot. But now, you know, of course, as I mentioned, I may have mentioned, but, you know, it's kinda just gonna slow things down and get back to my passion so I can be in the face of these kids on a regular basis now so that frees up more time for me. Wow.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Praise God. Yeah. So you mentioned that your mom was like, hey, you know, you need a mentor in your life. Yeah. Like, how was it for you?
Speaker 3:Were you were you kinda open to it? Were you kinda like pushing back or get out there?
Speaker 4:Well, you know, what I learned and and I thank God for allowing me to go through all of that stuff. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have changed it because when I come across kids still to this day, when I come across a kid that's kinda like, man, you ain't been through nothing. You can't help me. Because you got a lot of folks that whites, blacks, it doesn't matter, ethnicity, they wanna help kids more so African American boys, and when you first approach a kid and they never met you, then they're gonna have this guard up
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Because they don't think that we haven't been anything close to what I've been through, so they're gonna be tuned off. So I just started understanding that with these kids that you have to understand that going into a relationship and you have to build a rapport with them and you have to be consistent, and then once you share some of the pitfalls that you've had, then you would hope that you know, something will come will will will follow on the kids here, and then they'll they'll plant a seed, and then that'll start the growing process of developing a relationship to where they'll they'll potentially start reaching out to you more times, more often, and start listening and start really taking things that you say to them and applying it to life. So, I'm just blessed to be able to to to to be able to do that and wanna continue to continue to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. So how did how did those you mentioned 2 mentors Yeah. That were kinda just that you wanted to emulate as you grew up. Right.
Speaker 2:You were like, I wanna be that for for boys. How did they relate with you when you're in that season when you were you said something about clothes like you were I don't know. I'd love to hear more about what that looked like, but, also, just how did they relate with you in that season that that led you to then be where you're at today?
Speaker 4:Well, they they they didn't pressure me. They didn't make demands. They didn't if if a lot of kids, they you when you call them to check up on you, they either don't answer the phone and they don't call you back or right away. Someone just never call you back and or they may not respond to the text. And when when of course, when I grew up, we didn't have cell phones like that and we didn't have call waiting.
Speaker 4:But, anyway so when they call or whatever and and I would get the message, you know, they didn't take it thought. They didn't take it they didn't take it personal.
Speaker 3:You
Speaker 4:know? So that's one thing to keep in mind is not to take it personal. It takes time.
Speaker 2:But it's so easy to do that now. Yeah.
Speaker 4:It's so easy to do that if you think that what's wrong with me? What did I do? Did I say something? But you have to understand it takes probably a good 6 months to a year to develop that report of where they're calling you back. But so these guys, you know, mama Fox, mama Fox, papa Sims, and they just Michael Pollard, he's he's he's deceased now, unfortunately.
Speaker 4:They just they just made themselves available. So when I did call, they were, you know, wide ears and, welcoming anything that I had to say. Alright. Let's talk through this. Whatever it is that's going on, let's talk through this.
Speaker 4:And that's how they kinda handled the situation. So they built that you know, it was consistent, and they built that rapport, and I saw that longevity to where when I hit rock bottom, I knew I had somebody to call, and I will call specifically those people. And but I think now, when it's it's it's very important for you to share some things that you've gone through. Be transparent. It's very critical that you when you're mentoring and you're trying to engage another kid, the first thing is they wanna know is what have you gone through that will will can make us relatable.
Speaker 4:If you don't if they don't know upfront that there's a connection there, and then they're gonna they're gonna have their guards up. It's just like when you're dating somebody, when you when you meet you meet your wife, it was something that you guys had in common. Right? And you you once you realized that, you focused on that. Right?
Speaker 4:It's like you saw that as a little cat chasing a little red dot around. You you oh, we have that in common. So that can be our date night. That can be, you know, those kind of things you just need to focus on when you're mentoring is is is finding something that you have in common and and using that as a means of of really guiding that relationship. And that that was very helpful for me.
Speaker 4:That that kept me. That's why I said we're still they're in Oklahoma City. Mhmm. Most of them, and I'm still connected with them. I actually just saw them when I went back not too long ago, and proper Fox News Park, they moved here.
Speaker 4:So I see them and I stay in contact with them.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, Ben. Yeah. Yeah. You're making me think about my my wife when I met her. I met her on a bus.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Go into this incoming freshman deal, and she told me that she played tennis. Mhmm. When I got off the bus, I got on the phone with my roommate, and I said, we need to learn how to play tennis.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Exactly.
Speaker 2:And we signed up for a tennis class, and I started playing tennis. And then the next time I saw her, I was like, oh, you remember me? Like, I was like, hold on. Do you play tennis?
Speaker 4:See, that's how you do it.
Speaker 2:And and just I mean, like, picking up any bid, anything that that that a kid's given you so you can kinda try and relate and not necessarily try and bring the mentee to your level, but get down to theirs and what's what's passionate what they're passionate about.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:What I I wanna know just kind of those conversations when you would reach out. Mhmm. What information are you sharing? Are you just are you just saying, I'm angry about this, or can we just get, like, dinner? Can we can we meet up?
Speaker 2:Like, what were the bids that you were giving to to your mentors?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Right right off the bat, what I what
Speaker 3:I found was part of
Speaker 4:the training that that was passed down to us is Imessages, and I really didn't understand what that was until I went through this material. And what it it it entails is just really focusing on so if you have a kid that shares something like, man, I didn't I got suspended from school. Well, why'd you get suspended from school? Well, because this kid called me a jerk, and I didn't like that so I I hit him. Okay.
Speaker 4:Then the IMess could be, no, you should not have done that. It shouldn't be about that that shouldn't be how the conversation started. It should be once you hear that information, so okay, you reflect back on something that you may have done Mhmm. That maybe put you in a similar situation that he's in. Like I got suspended all the time.
Speaker 4:I was in ISS all the time. So I will reflect, I remember when I did this and this was the outcome and these are all things that's happened because of that reaction that I made and had I have thought about had I have done the things differently, then I believe this could have been the outcome. And then I may have shared I may share that another story of when I did do it differently and here was the outcome. You know, I I went through that similar before, and I talked to the guy, and instead of us talk instead of us fighting, I talked to him, and the outcome came. We ended up becoming really cool, and, you know, that stopped the the whole back and forth bickering.
Speaker 4:So when you share that stuff with them, you're not pinpointing them and saying, well, you should've did this, you should've did that, you shouldn't have done that. It's just focus. You put the focus on you. It says, I did this and this is what happened when I did that, and this is the outcome. And then they can internalize that and apply that to their situation and hope that they can make better decisions.
Speaker 4:That would that could potentially open a it won't be immediate, but that opens up the door for them to to have the interest of wanting to call you and says, I have another situation going on. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:You know,
Speaker 4:have you been through something else similar to that?
Speaker 3:Wow. That's good. Because that's like the image of Jesus. You know, it's like this kid is already feeling shame and, you know, people are mad at him, like the like teachers, the administration, the principal is the hardest kid, and you come in and say, I'm gonna put the
Speaker 4:I'm a put it on my shoulders.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I'm gonna tell you about my experience and how I feel. Yep. Man, that's that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, kids kids respond to that in a different way. Right. I mean, when I message, we're not talking about getting the message to be blue when you text them.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:We're talking about when they share something, we're not telling them, well, if I was you, this is what I would have done. Mhmm. You're saying, this is what I did Mhmm. And this is what happened.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And I understand. Right. And I I think that that understanding creates trust. It creates an environment where, like you said, that they're they're gonna come back with the next thing that happened
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And maybe ask for more feedback. Right. Because they know that you're the person that's not gonna tell them what to do, but you're gonna tell them what you did. Right. And that's that's really encouraging.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. Yeah. Because they're they're constantly used to hearing from their mom, dad, teachers, principal, friends, just everybody around them. Why did you do that? You were so you know, depending on the situation.
Speaker 4:I've I've heard where that was you were so stupid. That was a dumb thing to do. Mhmm. And the kid is just falling, you know, getting smaller and smaller and smaller. Yeah.
Speaker 4:So it's very rare when you come across somebody who just changes the script. Like, you know what? It's okay. I did this before, and this is what happened to me. So you're you're it's like it's a game changer for them because it's like you're not coming at them the same way that everybody else's that says they love me and they're my parents and they're my teachers and my, you know, my siblings or whatever the case is.
Speaker 4:We have a stranger that's coming to me at a completely different way
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:That is not demeaning and is not demoralizing. It's it's not, you know, putting me down as more so let me just you just, you know, you hold onto your feelings for a minute. Let me put mine on my shoulder. I'm on my sleeve for a little bit so you can see what I did and what happened to me and how I made it. That shows vulnerability.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. And as a man, we need to be able to see that in other men because a lot of us don't. We don't show that vulnerability. We show that, well, I'm not sharing that because that makes me too weak. No.
Speaker 4:Or I don't wanna give him the upper hand on me knowing that about me. And so me, I don't care. I mean, I'm very transparent and and I allow myself to be vulnerable as much as I can, as much as is appropriate for the situation because, I know God has allowed brought me a long way, and I I know that's something that I say will either help them now or in the future. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I can just hear in my mind people saying, like, well, you're just enabling bad behavior. Like, you gotta call that out. You gotta, I don't know. Just, like, when you know what's wisdom, like, just tell it like it is.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. But I think that there is wisdom in recognizing a child's exposure when that no one likes their junk being out in front of everybody, like, which going to ISS or getting in trouble is, like, the perfect example of a kid's junk being out and and, like, because he's getting Right. He's getting in trouble. There's consequences to your actions. And Mhmm.
Speaker 2:For you to respond to that exposure with vulnerability of, like, sharing your own experiences in age appropriate ways.
Speaker 3:Right. Right. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:But I I think that that that act of choosing to expose a story that doesn't possibly shine good on you Mhmm. Is is probably what mentors need to do more Right. Than just sharing our highlight reel. Alright. Right.
Speaker 2:Where it's like, well, you know, when I was in high school and
Speaker 3:I had self control. I did I did a talk back and I did and I cursed back. I was very, very
Speaker 4:no, sir. I I is that's that's me me me and my wife is again there's nothing wrong with with folks that do it on Facebook and social media, but they put their best foot forward every time and I think it's a misconception, especially in marriage. You see all the positive things. Again, it's nothing wrong. People do it.
Speaker 4:That's them. Me and my wife is, we're just not that type. If we're gonna post, we're gonna try to to put something out there that's neutral, some pictures or something like that, but we know we're not perfect, but we think it's in I don't know, I think it gives me strength allowing myself to be vulnerable. You know what I mean? It's like I don't know if you guys ever seen 8 Mile with Eminem.
Speaker 4:You ever seen that movie? Mhmm. But in the last battle, what's his name? Doctor, what's his name? But anyway, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4:Papa Doc. Papa Doc. He had some dirt on Eminem instead so since Eminem went first, then Eminem put all this dirt out there. Like
Speaker 2:So he had nothing? Yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm a trailer park. Yeah. I'm this. Yeah. I'm that.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm this. And Papa Doc didn't have once once he did that and papa dog didn't have oh, man. I ain't got nothing on you. So Eminem end up winning that battle and ended up being the champ.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. So it's it's that just speaks volumes to this. Like, what what better person to, lay out your dirty laundry than yourself?
Speaker 3:Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 4:You know what I mean? Why allow another situation or someone else to do that for you? So then you gotta go play cleanup. You gotta you know, I'd rather lay it out there. Hey.
Speaker 4:This is who I am. I think it's good to do that as well. The second thing is it's not just because of that, but also it it it it it tells the the audience, those who's listening that, this is where I was, this is where I am now. So if you're at a place where you're at peace and you're you've recovered and you've been delivered from all of those things, then why not share it? You're not doing that stuff no more.
Speaker 4:Right? You're not that type of person no more. So they're able to reflect back on, okay, you know, because they see you for who you are because they they may have known you for quite a few years, but they don't know, like, growing up what made you. And that's a lot of things about me is a lot of people a lot of people think that I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, both parents in my home, and I, you know, I went to engineering school and all that kind of stuff, and it's it's like no. I'm falling out.
Speaker 4:You know? I didn't go to engineering school. I had to hustle and bustle, and and I ended up getting jobs that cater to that, and it just kinda grew from there. So I need for them to understand that, what you see today is not how it's always been. I wanna be the best father and the best husband I possibly can.
Speaker 4:Did I have a model of that? No. Not every day. I didn't have that in a home, but it's very important to be able to because it shows that where you where you've been and now where you where where you're going and then it's completely different path.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's good. That's that's good. That's real good.
Speaker 2:So I wanna ask you a question back to Langston. Mhmm. So looking back well, even even just in the current, like, in the modern day HBCUs are on the map, like, there's professional athletes or or college athletes who are being recruited to go to HBCUs and and, like, there's there's a lot of athletes that are, like, putting HBCUs on the map or trying to right now. I wanna I would love to hear about your experience at Langston. I mean, the good and the bad Yeah.
Speaker 2:Of that and, yeah, just how that I don't know, those formative years of your life Mhmm. How that influenced you and, I mean, potentially, like, moved you into this season.
Speaker 4:So Yeah. It's it's it's, you know, I reflect back on that. I only went to school because I needed a place to stay, and Mhmm. I graduated from high school in 91. I didn't go to college till 93.
Speaker 4:I was detailing cars at these dealerships and living at home with mom, no car, and that's pretty much all I was doing, still hustling in the streets, still out there, acting wilding out. And a lot of people ask, what was the fork in the road for you? Why did you go to Langston? Why did you go to college? I was the first person in my family to go to college, and when my mom and this is in my story as well, and and I tried to tiptoe.
Speaker 4:I tried not to go too deep just to make sure that it's it's it's high level in my story, but, basically, what it boils down to is that it it all happened within a week's time frame. I get kicked out of the house again, and my mom was just constantly butting heads. But then that same week, 2 or 3 days prior at the dealership that I was working at, I was being recruited to be basically a hit man for this organization and so this guy was trying to recruit me and he was working there as a cover there at the dealership and we became friends over the course of the time of me being there and so he was trying to recruit me. So here's the deal, you know, $50,000 ahead and if you didn't take the hit, it will come after you. You can't go back to the life that you know you live, you know now, and your life is gonna be completely different.
Speaker 4:You look like you can handle yourself, so he gave me a week to think about it. And his number got because 2 or 3 days later, my mom kicked me out of the house, and I had to let him know by that Saturday. My mom kicked me out Friday, and it's raining. It's dark. I didn't have a car, so I called my friend, tell me to help me go get my stuff.
Speaker 4:She literally threw all my clothes on the porch, and when I went up to the house, the door locks was changed and my whatever crap she let me have, it was sitting on the porch. And I had to get it and stay with my cousin that night, and then I went to work Saturday to tell this guy no one says, hey. Jump me in, whatever I gotta do with initiation to get involved in the organization, but it just so happened he wasn't at work that day. And so I'm just like, man, I I gotta go do something. I got I need a place to stay.
Speaker 4:I literally was trying to go ahead with the recruiting process whatever that entailed, and he just wasn't there that day. And so I have to call my mentor, Michael Pollard at the time, and he's the one that just kinda talked me through it. He says, you know, I'll come pick you up only if you go to college. If you don't go to college, I'm not coming to get you. You know, you're on a path on your own.
Speaker 4:So after convincing, I decided to say, yes. I'm a go ahead and go to school, and I stayed with him Saturday night, went went to church, him and his family on Saturday, Sunday morning, and and he took me to Langston University that Monday morning. Stayed with me the whole time to get my classes, got my room, got my meal ticket, financial aid, literally the whole day. I don't know if you ever been to when you sign up to get your class, it's just it's ridiculous. So I he took me get my room, and we went to the parking lot, and he says, you know, what you do from here on out is up to you, and he drove off.
Speaker 4:He died 2 years later, but even though I was still into some dirt there, I was meeting some people that I was it was different element than I grew up in. You had African American men, beautiful women and I was trying to holler at all these different women and they're just like, if you wanna talk to me, you meet me in the library. And I haven't been exposed to that before like reaching the library. Like some of the baddest women that I've meet there were like, you have to meet me in the library. You have to go to class because I'm studying.
Speaker 4:I'm studying. So it just changed my whole perspective as far as the women that I was attracted to, the guys that I was hanging out with. And we would spend, like, I was a bachelor of science in industrial technology. So what that is, they taught you engineering and architecture and electrical engineering, manufacturing. So we're designing homes at 2, 3, 4 in the morning with the radio station and box of pizzas in the classroom.
Speaker 4:I haven't been exposed to that before. Mhmm. So that kinda changed my whole perspective, and these guys were graduating. The ones that were before me, they were getting engineering jobs. They were so that changed my whole my whole my whole life.
Speaker 4:And literally, the the semester I'm graduating from college, this is this is no joke, I can't make this up, the same semester I'm graduating from college is the same semester I get arrested for the 3rd time with 9 counts.
Speaker 3:It's the
Speaker 4:same semester I'm about to graduate from college, right? And then the same semester my dad calls and says, I never met my dad, never heard from him, never talked to him, and he said he wants to meet his kids. So all these things are going on in this one semester. So it was by the grace of God that the court appointed attorneys were able to use that as leverage. Like hey, this guy's about to graduate from college in a few months.
Speaker 4:His dad called for the first time. He'd never spoken, never seen his dad, and here's the kicker, the other kicker is that I got one job offer and it was from the same city where my dad lived, and he had nothing to do with that. So how does that happen? Mhmm. You get a job offer by one company that's not only in the same state, but in the exact same city, Aurora, Colorado where my dad still lives, and he had nothing to do with that?
Speaker 4:You can't tell me that's not God. So the attorneys were able to use that and the judge didn't allow him because usually when you have a case pending you can't leave the city state. Mhmm. So God allowed the situation to transpire in the order that it did. So I had to think about it if it would happen out of order, but it happened in perfect order to where attorney was able to say, hey, he's graduating, he got a job offer as an engineer in Colorado, and he's about to go stay with his dad for the first time ever.
Speaker 4:The attorneys allowed me to go 2 years probation. So as you can see is that that college being at Langston not only from a cultural standpoint, just experience the people a lot of people that I met were still friends to this day. That's I was the 1st person to go to college. My younger sister followed right behind me. She just completed a nurse practitioner's license.
Speaker 4:She's a she's been a nurse for all these years. So to your question, I know it was a long way to get to the answer, but it's like so much happened from the beginning of college and then the end of college. So transitioning into and then transitioning out, those are huge pivotal moments in my life that could have made or break, you know, me literally. So it it was I felt felt the need to share that.
Speaker 3:Wow. Wow. God's God's divine nature is is
Speaker 4:you can't explain it. Yeah. You can't explain it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Darius Darius told me a new phrase yesterday. He said, you just snitched on God.
Speaker 3:Snitched on God. God did it.
Speaker 4:You can't because it's like God creates scenarios in your life to where it's unexplainable. You you have no choice but to fall on your knees. You have no choice but to shed a tear. You have no choice but to share your story because it's just it's unexplainable. All you're doing, you can't explain the story.
Speaker 4:You can just tell the story and then let the users, the viewers, the listeners to allow God to speak to them how he wants to use that story for them. And that's what I do, I share my story not to pull me up, not to, you know, give me 1 kid said I share my story at one of these alternative schools and what did he say? He said something to the effect of, man, I wish I had your street credo, something he said. And I was so offended. I was so angry at him for saying that, and and I didn't lash out at him, but what I did is I looked at him and I says, man, do you know with all of that comes with so much that I'm still 47 years old and still struggling with to this day?
Speaker 4:Trust. Some people call it PTSD. That's what I was telling you earlier, in the other room that I don't deal with death well. I literally don't watch. My wife knows me to this day.
Speaker 4:If she watches the trailer and if relationships are developed and someone dies, I can't watch that because it affects me. I'm depressed for about a week. And so this kid said that I had to explain it to him. I says don't ever tell anybody that we've shared this kind of story with you because then you make it feel like, hey, if you've gone through it, I can go through it. It's no big deal.
Speaker 4:No. It's that's it's it's so demeaning to that person. I was able to handle it. I'm cool with that, but it's a bittersweet. You learn so much, but there's a cost to everything that you learn, good and bad.
Speaker 4:There's a cost to it. And, mine, even though I still look at it as being a positive because I survived through that and I'm not bitter and I still believe in God and I raise my family accordingly and I conduct myself accordingly so, it's a win win for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I I think that there may be a a larger number of mentors who feel like their their experience, going
Speaker 3:back
Speaker 2:to the I message, that they might not feel like they can relate or they can relate their experiences to the experience of a kid that they're mentoring. Mhmm. And so kind of what you're saying is that a kid is like looking at your story and he's saying, man, like, I haven't done nothing, like, nothing's happened to me or I haven't asked been asked to be a hit man and and they're thinking, like, I don't know, just there there's something in them that's, like, you've lived you've lived something, and that sounds like an experience Mhmm. To be kind of like you said. They're they're, like, envious of something that is traumatic and Right.
Speaker 2:Is, like, still something that affects you. Yeah. And that that's, like, I guess yeah. That's really challenging to to consider and try to help kids understand that all of these experiences are not to be envied. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But then for I guess, the other side, what would you say to a mentor who's, like, I don't know how to relate to my kid who just got in trouble,
Speaker 4:like,
Speaker 2:and, like, they're they're like mister clean over here Yeah. Mentoring a kid that has some issues, like, and is working through some stuff. Like, what would you say to him?
Speaker 4:Yeah. So, I mean, that's that's a great question, and and papa Fox and papa sounds, they are those individuals, even though they're African American males successful in their own right, they didn't have the child that I had. You know what I mean? They were just consistent. They didn't take anything that I said or didn't say or how I responded and take it personal.
Speaker 4:So my message to any of the mentors that are out there, male or female, black or white, it doesn't matter. All we, and I say we because I was that kid, all we are looking for is someone to be consistent. God put it on my heart to name Integrity Mentors, name the program Integrity Mentors. I will search for a name. And because I always try to live by that.
Speaker 4:I try to make sure what I'm doing in private, you know, it's it's what I'm doing in public, it's already been practiced in private Mhmm. So it becomes natural. So when you're investing in a kid, I don't think I think the kid cares less about what you've gone through and whether it aligns with them. They just wanna know if you're willing to share some of your pitfalls and how you overcame them. There's a message in there's a message in everything that is so common to one another.
Speaker 4:You made a mistake, whatever that mistake is, because of decisions you made, whatever that is, here was the outcome, and here's what you learned from it. And then the next thing is when that similar situation came about, this is how I handled it differently, This was the outcome. You know what I mean? Yeah. And this is the life that I choose to live moving forward.
Speaker 4:And I think kids need to hear that. They don't hear that if you think about it. In their environment, they just hear about a lot of principals, and there's been quite a few kids that I've worked with where when they go pass they pass from school to school that they already have this and I try to explain the kid, they already have this book on you based on your behavior. As soon as you walk in the door, they already kinda have an idea of who you are. And so what I try to help the kids understand and mentors is that if you're consistent, if you are no matter what you've gone through, if you just show them you're just loving on this kid and they know that it's not a popularity contest, like who has the most street cred, whoever's been through the most, they're focused on because Michael Pollard, Papa Fox, Papa Simons, these are the 3 guys I was that that helped raise me.
Speaker 4:They were just consistent. Mhmm. They weren't involved in gangs. I don't even especially Papa Fox and Pastor Simons. Pastor Simons has been a pastor for all these years.
Speaker 4:I don't think that they've been arrested. I don't think that they've been involved in gangs. It's not that way. They've never if I honestly, I can reflect, but I don't remember them ever sharing, like, a story similar to what I've gone through. They just came in my life and was available for what was going on at that particular time.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And they knew the environment I was going in, growing up, and they knew my mom, how she was, how she is, and they just knew the environment. So they knew when I called, okay, it must be really serious. I'll come pick you up. And they just they were consistent. They answered the phone.
Speaker 4:They offered up any they they just let me talk. Let me talk. If there's anything that they can apply to the situation that can help kinda ease ease it over, make it a little better than they would. But other than that, they just they they were just a lending ear. And that's very critical to these kids because they don't have a lot of people, parents, siblings, friends that just sits there and listens to them, not judges them, not points the finger, and not just throw up their hands like, oh, I'm so sick of you doing this again.
Speaker 4:They're not that's all they're used to. It's just Mhmm. I've I've I've, I failed again. I'm a failure. I'm never gonna be anything.
Speaker 4:I was working with 1 kid in an alternative school where his dad got so high off of meth that this young man had to put a butter knife, jam it in between his door jam and his door when he goes to sleep at night because his dad would get so high off of stuff and come in there and just beat on him. So when he comes to the school, I'm working with him, we're talking, and he's the greatest kid. But he's calling me and his dad isn't home, but he's calling me and asking people for advice. He's calling me and saying I wanna come vent because he know I'm just gonna say, I'm not gonna judge you. I've been through a buttload of stuff, but I'm not gonna judge you.
Speaker 4:So just making yourself available, mentors, being transparent is very critical so you don't come off as being this all high and mighty that I've never gone through things. Don't ever try to compare what you've gone through to what this kid is going through. Don't ever do that because you start demoralizing the kid and it comes into a competing, it comes into a contest who's been through the worst stuff. What's important is to just sit there and listen. Probing questions, meaning probing questions is what I like to do a lot is when a kid is talking to me about something.
Speaker 4:And I said, well, how did that how did you feel about that? No one's ever asked these kids, well, how was your day? Oh, you made a bad grade, how do you feel? What what could you've done? They don't never break it down, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So when you're in a situation where you're asking them, well, how did you feel about that? They're like, I don't know. I've never had nobody ask me that before. Well, what if you've done it done it this way? How no.
Speaker 4:You don't give them examples. You say, well, how could you have done it differently to get a different outcome? Let them start thinking about it. Mhmm. So basically, you're coming up with ways, creative ways to not necessarily pour into them, but you're helping, you're walking alongside of them, and you guys together are coming up with a solution.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. So you're not bringing them water, you're leading them to get the water themselves. Yeah. You're you're you're finding creative ways to to help them start feeling for themselves because once they once you do part and you go to separate ways, they go to their environment, you go to their environment, they need that tool. They need to continue to develop that tool.
Speaker 4:How can I go get my own water? No. I don't wanna just call Lawrence so he can get me water. No. How can I go get my own?
Speaker 4:How can I go get my own solution?
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And they start reflecting back on some of the conversations and how you worded certain sentences to make them to make them think, to force them to start thinking to that. So when they get in a situation similar to that or any situation, they start reflecting back on some of the things and how you worded it, and then that hopefully will make them think of thing think of a better outcome and and and focus on doing that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That is good. That's really good. As I as I hear that, it just it just so good to know that sometimes difference is good.
Speaker 4:Like Oh, it's always good.
Speaker 3:Is is good. It's something because you mentioned that you were, you know, being exposed to, you know, college and their life, something that you would never seen Yeah. Which made you more open to it because it was different. Right. And for mentors who haven't been through anything a kid been through, that's sometimes that's a leverage Right.
Speaker 3:Because you can, you know, show them something new. But just on the on that question, Steven, it's just it's just us reminding ourselves that we aren't the heroes. Right. You know, Jesus is. And most importantly, we have to, you know, expose them to him.
Speaker 3:You know? Yeah. Not not not to us, you know, but to him. So that's that's real good.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And and anybody that knows me, they'll all they'll they'll tell you one thing and I always say I'm I always try to follow-up, make sure it's in a conversation, man. It's never about me ever. Mhmm. If it if it ever if I ever get the inkling of a feeling that someone's trying to make it about me and kudos and pat, man, I I get so I guess the only word I can say is just annoyed because I'm like, no.
Speaker 4:I don't know, God. I don't want that to be about me because then, you know, that takes away from you. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:Don't snitch on me. Don't
Speaker 4:didn't take myself through that situation. I didn't orchestrate it the way it did. But, yeah, I I try to focus. It's never about me ever.
Speaker 2:I wanna hear about just kind of what you've shared in this last season of running this large program, reaching a a lot of kids, but feeling as the leader, the desire to be face to face with the kids, to to have more interaction and with having 3 kids and a wife who wants a 4th and running an organization, there's only so much capacity you have. And so I I would love for you to just kinda share about, yeah, just where you're at currently and and about that desire.
Speaker 4:Yeah. It's it's it's again, being transparent, being honest. Right? So last the last 4 years, I've just been tormenting. I don't know if this is even a phrase tormenting.
Speaker 4:Just unhappy. Just, didn't know what it was. I had no clue. I mean, the kids are coming. You know, investors are investing.
Speaker 4:I mean, it just got this nice little flow going, but I was just unhappy. I was I dreaded another because we met monthly, and I dreaded another monthly session. When it ended, I give myself 2 or 3 days. Oh, I gotta prepare for the next month. You know, even though we have folks doing it and we we were financially stable and and things were just really going really well, I just I was just unhappy, and I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 4:And I've been praying and my we had I haven't had have an advisory board. We're still good with good friends and we connect. I call them the 3 wise men and one of them mentioned, they took me to breakfast at Mandalay, Omni Mandalay, and I was like, okay. This is expensive place, and so this must be really serious meeting. So let me go I won't open mine.
Speaker 4:But what they were saying in the meeting is during our breakfast is that they were trying to open my mind to potential partnerships or allowing our organization to come underneath another one, or allowing someone else to lead in. And, I just felt like, you know, I I the the enemy tried to get in my spirit, like, man, it's the pride. Like, no. It's mine. This is why I started this.
Speaker 4:I came up with the name. I'm gonna let somebody else run it. So although I was open to the conversation in my spirit, in my heart, like honestly, and I talked to them about it that way after the fact because I just didn't I didn't I wasn't there. And fast forward to June of last year, maybe May, God was really just working on me. You're unhappy, you got the stuff that's going on, you gotta do this, you gotta do that.
Speaker 4:And I prayed about it again, and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. And I was like, I'm not supposed to be running this no more. So I was thinking that, okay, maybe someone else needs to be running it. And so I started opening myself up to that and started interviewing folks, interviewing teams, and over the course of I gave myself a deadline end of last year, December 31st. It says, if I don't have, if I haven't secured anyone, if no one is just been identified to run it, then I have to close it.
Speaker 4:And it was just in my mind. It's every time I thought about it, like, oh my god. Just doing away with Integrity Mentor. It's like that's not an option. So we're meeting with people and things are starting to roll and things just didn't start to work out and I started to realize that, you know, this may not be the best fit for these individuals for different separate reasons and they had stuff going on that may take them away from all the stuff that's required with what we already have going on, so they wouldn't be able to commit to that.
Speaker 4:So coming into this year has come to realization that that we're back at a square one, you know, trying to identify somebody. And then it just it just got to the point where I got more and more peace of just, you know, letting it go, letting it go, letting it go because it's it's I felt the sense of urgency. And then when the young man passed away and when literally last year coming into this year, one of our donors, our major donor had to kind of pause because of the the the economy and the way that things were going at that time. So so it was God was allowing things to happen. It just kind of steered me in the direction of you might wanna revisit no longer continuing on.
Speaker 4:It's not that I am supposed to stay in place, no, I am just supposed to dissolve and because I have something else I have for you. And I made the decision about March, says okay, I can't wait. And I started getting excited about dissolving an organization, which is odd because last year I was like, there's a pride thing, like, oh, this'll be the last thing I ever do. That will never happen. But then this year, March, maybe February or so, I couldn't wait.
Speaker 4:But in my mind, I knew that, okay, all these people are tied to this organization. We got donors, we got investors, we got kids, parents, volunteers. So I came up with this process started beginning of this year, and I says June was gonna be it when everything will be because you had to get kind of those relationships, make sure they understood what was going on, kinda, you know, kinda have those conversations, kinda gradually start having this checklist of things you gotta make sure it's done, and then I ended with creating that video, that just kinda expound on everything because I was supposed to meet with the parents, and the kids have one big powwow before we ended, then the COVID hit.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. And I
Speaker 4:was like, then it's been dragged on. I was like, okay. We can't get in place for these kids, so I gotta put together something. So I've never been happier. I've never ever I'm the happiest I've ever been Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Wow. By far. And I never thought that that was the reason. So God has been, my goal is to focus on my passion, to go back to my passion. I wanna get in the face of these kids, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 4:Still working with, alternative school when things get back to normal. I wanna be able to do things like what we're doing here. Being able to share the story and the impact and again, not making it about me, but making it about these kids and that you can still no matter what you've gone through, you can still share your story with a kid. Mhmm. And then the third thing is consulting, which I've been doing a lot is consulting with these smaller nonprofits or those who have an idea to start a nonprofit and just walking with them.
Speaker 4:Those who are serious, I mean, I do it at no cost. I open up myself, make myself available, but I give them we start out with a plan, and you work this plan and then let me know how much you want me to be involved and so we can kinda work together through this because I did not have no support. Let me rephrase it. I had little to no support doing this, and it was just trial and error, making mistakes, stumbling, falling, God bringing somebody else in my path, and it just kinda just went from there. So I wanna be able to to to help minimize someone else that God has put something sincere and true and passionate on their heart that impacts the community.
Speaker 4:I wanna be able to be that resource for them. So those are the three things that I'm gonna, you know, focus on moving forward.
Speaker 2:It's great, man. Thanks for sharing because
Speaker 3:I I
Speaker 2:mean, I think it's coupled with the vulnerability that we were talking about earlier when we talked to our talked to the kids we mentor, I think it's also vulnerable to the talk about the process of the Lord taking you from launching an organization to thriving, to recognizing that there's there's needs in your own heart
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:That don't align and, like, there is a time for closure. There's a time for a transition.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I I would say that probably most founders see that as, like, exactly what you said, the last thing that I would ever let happen. Right. But to hear someone who's, like, walking through that in health and trying to not just, like, position the pieces in a favorable way to show, like, well, you know, like, I did my best and yada yada. You're like, no. I'm I'm happy.
Speaker 2:Right. Mhmm. And I I think for for someone to hear that who, I don't know, is maybe in a similar situation where they've started something, and it's gone in ways that are I don't wanna say, like, it's grown past them, but it's grown in a different way that has left them doing a lot of the things that they don't feel called to. Yeah. To come back into the calling is is like a really refreshing thing to hear.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And this and this what what a lot of us don't understand is that not to get all too spiritual and and but god gave me a dream years ago Bring it on. You know, years ago, way before I moved here, what the position he was gonna he was going to award me, and I felt in my spirit that this was what it's gonna be. This is how it's gonna end. I'm gonna retire doing this.
Speaker 4:I felt that all these years, that's why it's like, well, I'm not gonna stop it because God showed me this vision of doing this. So I'm supposed to be in that capacity. But then when I made the decision to do that, God gave me so much peace, and he and he just kept saying Moses. And he was talking about, you know, these guys was out here 40 days 40 nights. You know?
Speaker 4:Well, no, no, no. It was 40 years. He was out in the wilderness. Right? And and I just read, you know, yesterday in the devotional, it just reminded me that, you know, God told Moses straight up, he says, you're not gonna see the promised land.
Speaker 4:You're gonna see it from a distance, and these people are gonna go they're they're gonna go into a land that was prepared for them. And what helped me kinda rationalize things that, you know, this is not it's not meant for me to see how this ends or if it ends or where it goes. It's up to me to be obedient. And so it it it was meant for me to kinda transition. You never know the what impact you've made to a kid or a parent or even a volunteer or someone that you've crossed paths with along the way that helped take them to the next level of that mentoring or starting an organization or being this better parent or being this better kid.
Speaker 4:You just never know. And, when you when you think about Moses and how he may have how he must have felt, he died before he was able to see the promised land, you know, it wasn't for him to see it. You know what I mean? So that hit home for me, and people have to understand is that when you relinquish control, then it shouldn't matter how you're gonna get there. All of this should matter is as long as you get there.
Speaker 4:And if we focus on how we get there, then we're gonna be trying to control it. Because man, I got stressed. I'm a perfectionist, OCD, all of that. Literally, pencils had to be sharpened. I mean I'll get my wife is me and my wife is Sammy Sammy.
Speaker 2:You look at my desk and you're like having a seizure.
Speaker 4:Like my desk, my wife is so bad. There has to be and she's not like this all the time, but she is so funny. But she likes to see those marks in the carpet when you vacuumed. She likes to see that. When we first got married, you know, I'm a guy.
Speaker 4:You know, she bought her house before we got married, and after we got married, we got married, I moved in. She took all my hangers. I had the wooden and all the stuff my mom gave me when I came from the hood and, you know, dry cleaner hangers and all this kind of stuff. And when I when I moved in, I came home from work, and she had all small white, plastic hangers for my shirts, all small all thick white plastic hangers for my pants. And so she's like, there's no way you're gonna have it messed up.
Speaker 4:So it's it's that's how OCD so it's like it it has to be done a certain way. You know what I mean? And I like to make sure that anything that I'm involved with, anyone that I'm involved with is is done with perfection, you know, as as much as we have control. And, you know, it's it's I I I tend I tend along the way even when I was meeting with these other individuals to try to take over, I was trying to control the end result and that would made it even more frustrating. But that was another confirmation for me that it it it's time for you to to shut it down and move on because it's not meant for you.
Speaker 4:If it was meant, then I would have found somebody a long time ago. It just would have just naturally flowed and it just would have been it just would have happened. You would have done some work to get it there, but if it doesn't naturally flow and you're constantly trying to force a round peg into a square hole, then then then you need to really sit down and reevaluate, okay, what it is that God is trying to
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Trying to do in your life at that point in time. So Yep.
Speaker 3:I had a mentor back in Tennessee, and he said, you have to know when God's grace is off. Yeah. You have to know, like, when that when that grace lifts off, is it? Yeah.
Speaker 4:Or is
Speaker 3:you gonna be trying to do it Yeah. Out of your flesh and it's like, oh, man. Where is it at? It's just like like when I had quit football. It's like like the grace was off.
Speaker 3:Like, I didn't have no desire. Like, God just he's just sovereign like that. Mhmm. He's just divine, and and he can he can control your heart, your mind, your spirit. Like, he's just powerful like that.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. So yeah. You have to. Yeah.
Speaker 2:When when it comes to transitions Mhmm. I think that's also something that happens in mental relationships. Mhmm. So similar to your organization, there a lot of mental relationships will terminate whether a kid moves away.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:I mean, even this this last week, we had a mom call us and tell us that she's getting back together with her ex husband and wants to pull her her kids from our program.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that means their mentors
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Who have built relationship are now
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like the relationships over and it and it wasn't something that they expected or saw coming. But for those mentors, now they're in a spot where they have to reflect and remember and believe that it was worth it. Like, that everything that happened in the past, like, was like, their investment was worthwhile
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:And that what God has for them next is Right. Worthwhile. Does that make sense? Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. I had that a lot a lot, and and there were there were when because the majority of the boys that was in the program, their fathers were not in their lives, and then those who did see their father from time to time, they would share all the things that we would do, and the dads would get jealous and get, you know, like it it would hit home for them. Like, okay. They got this stranger spending more time with my kid and exposing them to stuff that more stuff than I ever have.
Speaker 4:So they end up snatching their kid out of the program. When I say snatch, you know, those aggressive word literally is like the mother reached out, the son is no longer gonna be involved, not because of the mom's doing it because it's just causing such a rift in the family. Most of those cases is where the the the kid ended up going to live with the dad. So that's a win win. That's yeah.
Speaker 2:That's great.
Speaker 4:You can take it as being negative, you know, if you're being allowed to be about you, but it's not about you. It's about
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:That kid. And I think it was 4 or 5 of those boys. They lived with their daddy and developed great relationships. They're in college now. Some of them reach out to me from time to time.
Speaker 4:So to those those mentors that's that's that's dealing with that's dealing with something like that, I mean, it's it's there's always it's it's it's like when you take yourself out of the equation, then you're no answer. You're not even part of the answer. Does that make sense? When there's an equation involved about life, about this relationship, I think the problem comes when we're trying to make make ourselves a part of the answer, part of the solution. But when we remove ourselves from the equation completely and God is the answer and it's about this kid being plugged back into a relation a healthy relationship, then once you remove yourself completely, man, it's the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 4:Then you take you take it off of you. So it doesn't it's not about you. So you your feeling shouldn't be hurt. You shouldn't feel any kind of way other than great, you know, God using me because God may have used me or this organization to be to to to basically communicate to these fathers that, hey, you could be doing a better job.
Speaker 2:Yep. Can
Speaker 4:you imagine had I God not have chosen me to use this organization, but the platform, and these particular kids got involved, how that relationship may or may not have turned out? That's how you have to think about it. Yeah. You gotta think about it like that. And so my thing is with anybody who may be feeling that way is that you gotta remove yourself from the equation because you're not the solution, you're not the answer at all whatsoever.
Speaker 4:And if if it's a hard pill to swallow, then you may be in it for the wrong reason. That's the reality of it. You may be in it for the wrong reason or you're looking for something to for healing for yourself. There may be something that you're dealing with. But if you're struggling with with that, then you may need to back away and, kinda ask God to kinda reveal some things in you before you step back into a relationship like that because a kid can see that if if they're feeling animosity or feeling some tension because they're no longer in, you know, this relationship.
Speaker 4:They can kids, they're very intuitive. They can they can read you and feel you that you're you're upset but not for the right reason. You're not just upset because, oh, we're gonna lose the relationship. No. I'm upset because, you know, I'm not I'm not pouring into you.
Speaker 4:You know, I don't get to do what I wanna do now.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I'm not gonna be in the position that I was.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm not gonna be in a position that I was.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think it's okay to grieve that but it's but it's also it is a it helps you recognize just the the place in you that probably desired to I don't know. The thought of being a mentor sounds like
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're the you're the Gandalf hanging out with the the fellowship. Right. I don't know a better example of that.
Speaker 4:I just
Speaker 2:I went with Lord of the Rings for some reason.
Speaker 4:No. That's that's fine because, literally, that's what it is. I mean, people look at it a lot of people look at it as in they feel a sense of pride and joy being able to tell somebody that I'm a mentor or I run a nonprofit helping kids or I I'm doing this. And, again, I don't I don't Prophesize it all there? Yeah.
Speaker 4:There's there it is. I mean, I I don't public I never publicized it. People knew by googling, they find out or whatever, but it's you just have to take yourself out of the equation. And it's it's it's never about me. It's always about these kids because I I know and, again, you don't have to go through what I've gone through to understand that it is about these kids because they they don't have they don't have a voice.
Speaker 4:They don't have a platform. A lot of the rap music that's out, that's their platform. Poetry, that's their art. Dancing, that's their art. Music, that's their art.
Speaker 4:Or they're playing an instrument or something like that. Some of them, their outlet is gangs, and some of them is is selling drugs. They're good at it. You Some of my big brothers are not a biological. Some of my big brothers were head of gangs and head of drug.
Speaker 4:These are drug lords and these guys were my brothers and still to this day, unfortunately, not unfortunately, but fortunately these are still I'm real cool with them. And they they taught me the streets, but just enough to where I wouldn't get too involved where I can get in some serious trouble. But they they taught me to gang. They taught me the streets, and, they protected me, you know, literally. So I I would take that and I try to apply that to life.
Speaker 4:You know? So it's it's we have to understand that when my time is up, my time is up. It's time to go to the next thing. Time to go to the next thing. That is not about me, and that's what my brothers always made it.
Speaker 4:They they said it's never about me. They wouldn't let me get too involved because they said, we want you to go to college because they knew it wasn't about them and about their agenda, it was about me getting out of the environment that I was in and knew that recognizing that I had potential and understanding that there's a line that could not be crossed because you're gonna go through good things. And they saw that and look at God and I'm able to talk with them and we're able to sit and joke about the stuff that we've done and just reflect on some of the not so good things that we've done Mhmm. And be able to see that see that transformation. So I'm just thank God for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So good, Lawrence. Darius, do you have any questions about high school stuff to kinda finish our time? I know, it might be interesting to hear just Mhmm. From Lawrence's experience.
Speaker 4:I'm an open book. I'm an open book.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Yeah. Just just so grateful for your story and just you being here today. Just thanks again.
Speaker 4:No problem.
Speaker 3:This is very refreshing, encouraging, and life giving. With your story, could you just tell us a a story of a kid who, you know, like, you kinda saw yourself in and you were able to, you know, pour into them? How was that process, and where they are at now and yeah.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah. That's a I I have a few, but one just stands out. I won't, you know, add a confidentiality. I won't mention his name, but he knows who I am, who I'm talking about, but there's a young man, gives me goosebumps to this day. This kid did it right.
Speaker 4:He was one of the 5 boys I started the program with back in 2006 and, even though his father was involved in his life, his father would actually be the one sometimes to drop him off at the monthly sessions and this young man, you know, even though his father went his life, he has a sister and so he was growing up trying to do the right thing. His mom got involved in the program and he was just involved. He was just involved all these years, and growing up, things became more challenging because he started to get to that era where he was trying to go to school and trying to go to college and he tried to do something with his life, and he was I I think he was reacting or acting out, not in a real bad way, but acting out in a way that where he wanted more time with his with his father. And so he just leaned on me and just, you know, I made myself available from time to time. We'll talk.
Speaker 4:Literally, it was very rare, but sometimes we'll talk. But most of the time, most of the experience would be at those monthly sessions. As he got into college, graduated from college, mind you, all this time, he's saving himself for marriage. Literally, he's practicing abstinence. He meets a young lady.
Speaker 4:They both decide as they're dating, they're practicing abstinence. And I'm just blown, like, man, that was the smallest thing from my mind when I was his age, but he's like, he wants to save himself for marriage. She wanted to save herself for marriage. So they turned around, come to find so me and him was meeting probably once every other quarter, grab a bite to eat. How's everything going?
Speaker 4:I was I told him he was responsible for asking me 2 questions before we leave for that day before we park. It has to be 2 questions, come over something, and we'll just kinda talk through some of that stuff. And during one of our meetings, he mentioned that, you know, you're more of a father to me than my than my biological father, which was kinda floored me. Like, wow. That's huge.
Speaker 4:And, I ended up being, invited to be in his wedding. So I was in his wedding. They, they had a have a kid now, and he's graduated from college. He's going to school to be an EMT, fireman. So it's like this guy, they're married, got a little kid, got a house, going to EMT fire school, I mean, come on now.
Speaker 4:I mean, this is like the nobody's perfect, but it's like a model son that you would want. And in my mind, I'm thinking like, why wouldn't you wanna be in this kid's life? Why wouldn't you wanna be in this kid's life? You know what I mean? Blows my mind.
Speaker 4:Like, there's nothing you can separate me from me and my kids. And to know that you have a kid that on his own by leadership of his mom and Christ being like he's a Christian, he's like, this is what I'm gonna do and this is what I'm gonna stick to. I don't have the best role model to do that, but this is this is the life I'm gonna choose to live. And he lived it, still living it out to this day. And I'll reach out to him from time to time, let him know that I'm there.
Speaker 4:If he needs anything, I know they're a small, young family, so I try to, you know, help out and just kinda, you know, let him know that, hey. You got support, that you're not doing this by yourself. So if I could if I could highlight anybody, it would be this guy. And he just it just it it it blows my mind to know that, okay. It can be done.
Speaker 4:It can be done. I I didn't see it growing up, but to have a kid that has little support, just do that and stick to it, and you see the outcome from all of that. You know, it's it's a big volume.
Speaker 3:Beautiful. I love it.
Speaker 2:It's powerful, man. Yeah. And I I I think that that story can translate into every mentor as he looks into the, his kid that he's mentoring. It's just like, what a privilege to be a mentor. What a privilege to be in that seat.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That may not be a communicated thing like that of of him saying, like, you're a better dad to me, father figure than I've ever had.
Speaker 4:Like Right.
Speaker 2:I feel like our mentors really need to hear that. Yeah. And I don't I don't know if, I mean, a 4th grader is gonna be able to explain or articulate that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But for every mentor to understand that that's that's what they're they're doing.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:And that's really powerful, man.
Speaker 4:Yeah. This is the the mentors you have to understand, volunteers you have to understand that this is a thankless job. Plain and simple. And, again, if you're in it to be thanked, then you're in it for the wrong reason and you need to ask God to redirect your steps.
Speaker 2:You need to go to a gala somewhere and write a big check for somebody. You you wanna thank you.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's that's it. I mean, because this is I mean, because literally, I mean, if you look in if you look at it, all the things that you do, all the planning that goes into these monthly sessions. I mean, every month, we had breakfast catered in, we had to go buy it or someone volunteered, we had to coordinate that. A discussion's topic.
Speaker 4:It it was always someone coming out or we tend to do it from time to time, but it was an engaging session. Get them to ask questions and open up. And then after every session, we had an activity. Every month was something different. Archery, we've flown on airplanes before, we've done horse horseback riding, painting, paint paintball, go kart extreme go kart.
Speaker 4:So we tried to come up with things that they may have never done and probably never will do. So a lot goes into a monthly session. So if we were looking for after every session, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 4:Thank you. Did you did you show appreciation? I mean, then you're in it to get you're you're you're you're in it for that. You're in it for someone to patch you on back. Great job, Lawrence.
Speaker 4:You did an awesome job, and you're just you're just awesome. You're just you just you just the world just loves you. I I I don't need all of that. You know? I I just wanna see I just wanna see that the kids are their eyes are lighting up, their behavior is improving, the parents are less stressed.
Speaker 4:And some of the kids, literally, I get goosebumps thinking about it, but it was some of the kids literally would lose sleep the night before the session, And we will I we didn't find out until after the fact. I was like, why why are you not sleeping? Why can't you sleep? Because I couldn't wait to come to the monthly session. Right.
Speaker 4:And, you know, when he said when these kids would say that, I'm like, really? I said, you literally did not go to sleep. It's I was just I just didn't know what to expect. Sometimes we wouldn't tell them what activity is gonna be. We just blow their mind when they get there.
Speaker 4:And, like, oh, we're going to, like, the go karts will go 70 miles an hour, you know, archery, like, literally teach them professional archery and, you know, camping and and and fishing and find you know, just doing all these different types of things. And so these kids would say that, you know, I was just so excited. I couldn't wait to get to the session. I mean, it's huge. You know?
Speaker 4:So, again, it's it's not to me. It's not to my team, but it's it's like what I think what stood out most is that fact that this kid's eyes lit up, and he gave him a little something. All I had growing up was stealing cars and vandalizing homes and that was being built. That was my activity, hanging out with the knuckleheads out there in the streets. I didn't have the program like that to just go and be a part of something completely outside of my environment.
Speaker 4:So for kids to see that there is and that's why we tailored it the way the way we did is we wanted to give them something completely different, expose them to something they may or may never see again. Mhmm. The hope open their eyes and see that there's there's there's something that you could be doing with your time other than out there breaking into cars or getting involved in gangs and stuff like that. So
Speaker 2:yeah. Something we've been talking about as a staff is just how really everything we're doing in mentoring is God's plan. It's his heart. It's his will. And we're getting to participate.
Speaker 2:We're receiving this as a gift to be a part of. And, and and just the thought of, like, every time I hear a kid say thank you, it blows me away. Mhmm. Because I'm like, wow. Like, yes.
Speaker 2:Like, that that's encouraging.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:But it's representative of how much I don't see how much God loves what we do. Mhmm. And, like, can I hear the father who sees in secret Mhmm? Just like cheering mentors on
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And loving what's happening in the relationships. Every uncelebrated thing is, like, there's a party going on in heaven Right. For, like, that if only we knew
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Like, we would be encouraged and we would keep going and we would persevere.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And, like, every obstacle we would overcome because we know, like, we have heaven's backing. Mhmm. And I I just think that that's that's something mentors need to hear.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They don't need a thank you from the kid, but they need they need to hear that heaven's backing you Yeah. As you do what you're doing. Yeah. So and and that's what I I mean just hear from from you just with within all all that you do. It's so good, man.
Speaker 2:We could go a ton of different directions, Lawrence.
Speaker 3:We're gonna
Speaker 2:have to you back on here, share more stories, but thank you so much for investing in our mentors. How could they connect with you in this next season if they wanna get a hold of you after listening to this?
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm on I'm on I'm on LinkedIn, Lawrence Marshall, Facebook, of course, Instagram. Instagram is integrity mentor. I post kinda cute stuff. I try to tell or communicate to everybody that says, hey.
Speaker 4:Yeah. We're we're dissolving integrity mentors, not because of failure, but it's a transition. That this we you know, there's some things has to stop, you know, for other things to begin. And I had to understand it took a long time to understand that. So, I let everybody know, hey.
Speaker 4:I'm still reachable through all the social media outlets and, you know, reach out if there's a new thing that's going on that you feel that I might be able to add value and and and help out in some kind of way. If it involves kids, you know, I'm there. You know, I don't ask for anything in return. I just, you know, all I care about is I want I wanna get my story out there. I wanna share that again, it's not about me, but, hey, this is what I was doing, but this is what I'm doing now.
Speaker 4:And and the result of having a mentor in my life had I just it closed with this. It just had God not have put that mentor in my life, man. I can't I can't say I'll be dead or in jail. I don't know what I would be doing, but I know it wouldn't be something constructive, positive. It would be it just it just there was a lot of things I was involved within that I would not be able to turn back from.
Speaker 4:That makes sense. So I just I just thank thank God for that.
Speaker 2:Snitching on God again. I'll take it. Come on.
Speaker 4:Take it. That's research.
Speaker 2:So good. Well, thanks for listening to today's episode. Share it with somebody. If you, you felt encouraged by anything you heard and, we'd love to hear your feedback. So thank you for listening.
Speaker 2:And if there's one thing you picked up from today's episode, let it be this. You can mentor.