Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Hosted by Anton Rieke, Ladylike is a podcast born from one dad’s mission to raise his daughter with role models who lead with heart, grit, and grace. In each episode, Anton spends time learning from a remarkable woman, sitting down for a deep conversation about her journey.
From bakers to business owners, athletes to artists, these women are rewriting the rules of what it means to be strong, skilled, and “ladylike.” Episodes end with a letter to Anton’s daughter, Drew, reflecting on the lessons learned from each guest.
If you want a podcast that blends humor, heart, and hard truths, Ladylike invites you to listen in and leave inspired.
Hey, y'all. Thank you for tuning in to Ladylike. This is Anton again, and this episode was with Cortland Byragen, the owner of Love Lily Flowers. This conversation was probably one of the more emotional conversations that I've ever had on the podcast. We talked about foster care.
Anton:We talked about my foster son and a lot of his story. It's really beautiful thing to listen to. And we also talked about Portland's foster son and the adoptive story that happened there. And lastly, we talked about her company, which is incredible and interesting and amazing. I've attended weddings where love Lily was doing the flowers and spectacular.
Anton:But, anyway, we're gonna roll right into the dear Drew. And then after that, you'll hear straight from us. Thanks. Dear Drew, today you'll hear from Cortland, a woman whose life reminds me that love is not just a feeling, it's a choice made daily, especially when the future is uncertain. He and Will loved Bryce before they knew whether he'd stay.
Anton:She loved him with her whole heart anyway. That kind of love, full hearted, brave, without guarantees, is the kind I want you to grow up around. Flowers are fragile. They wilt. They bruise.
Anton:But they're also defiant. They bloom in dry soil. They return in the spring. And they make things more beautiful just by showing up. That's Cortland.
Anton:And I think that could be you too. If you take anything away from this conversation, let it be this. You don't have to wait until things are perfect to begin. You can create something meaningful in the middle of the mess. Lovely Flowers was born in a difficult season yet bloomed into something magnificent.
Anton:You can love with your whole heart even if you don't know what tomorrow brings. Love, dad. Welcome to Ladylike. I'm Anton. I'm here today with Cortlyn who runs her own company, Love Lily Flowers.
Anton:She's on the podcast because I want my daughter to grow up to be someone like her. Cortlyn is incredible. She is gentle and firm at the same time, running a business and being a mother. I'm really excited to spend time with her, and I hope you fall in love with her as I have.
Courtlynn:So sweet.
Anton:Yeah. Tell them a little bit about what you do.
Courtlynn:So I am a wedding florist primarily, like a floral designer. I love working. I think I'm kinda known in the industry for really colorful weddings, kind of maximalist, funky, playful, like, floral designs. And that's, like, my business, and then I'm also a mom. I have two kids.
Anton:Foster and adoptive mother.
Courtlynn:I am a foster and adoptive mother and a bio mom.
Anton:And a bio mom. Yeah. A mom of all kinds. I was curious what you were like when you were a kiddo. Were you always, like, thinking I'm gonna start a business?
Anton:Were you where what were your dreams when you were a kid?
Courtlynn:I was a sweet kid. Mhmm. So sweet and, like, always had rose colored glasses on, but I was very entrepreneurial. I my mom kept her she was a teacher and kept her school books in my closet. So I told her I would organize them, but she would have to pay me if she wanted to get them out.
Anton:Oh, wow.
Courtlynn:Like, at kinda like a library, but it costs money.
Anton:Yeah. Dang.
Courtlynn:And then I also had CourtCare, which was my babysitting business.
Anton:That's funny about running a library out of your house, like, scamming your mom Mhmm. From childhood. So tell me about your mom, actually. I was curious about your mom and the matriarchs in your life, maybe your grandmother. Would love to hear about who they were and how they inspired you as a kiddo.
Courtlynn:I'm lucky because my mom is young. She was a teen mom. I have both of my grandmas, and they're still young, and my mom is still young. And I just feel so thankful that I've I'm 29 almost 29 now, and they're still, like, a big part of my life.
Anton:What did you take away from the way that your mom and your grandmother lived, and how did that inspire you as a kid, or do you even remember that?
Courtlynn:Well, I feel like my mom was incredibly resilient and always kind of like a total go getter, how to plan. Like being a young parent, I think there's a lot of challenges, and you're also navigating your first big girl job and all those things. And I watched her graduate college while working She full would work night jobs and also do college and also take care of us and cook dinner. She, I think, has been a steady backbone of our family. Dang.
Courtlynn:Yeah. Proud of her.
Anton:How much older than you is your mom?
Courtlynn:17 years.
Anton:So she was, like, teen teen. She could have been on MTV's teen moms.
Courtlynn:I know.
Anton:Dang. Missed opportunity, MTV.
Courtlynn:Glassier than
Anton:That's true. That's true. That wasn't, like, the best the best rendition of what it meant to be a teen mom.
Courtlynn:But I think something that's really cool is having young parents. I think they needed a lot of support from my grandparents, and my grandparents both, they were all really part of raising me.
Anton:That's awesome.
Courtlynn:Yeah. So I I feel like my relationships with all my family, plus I'm the first granddaughter who, like, builds sides and the first daughter. So, you know, all those, like Yep. Reels, I feel like they're real they're real.
Anton:The the reels are real. Drew is also the first daughter and the granddaughter on both sides. And so
Courtlynn:Special girl.
Anton:Living her life my parents were 26 when they had me. But when I was in high school, people often asked me and my dad if we were brothers. And I was like, you know, it just Yeah, fed his I
Courtlynn:my first year of high school, we walked in with my dad and one of the teachers recognized my dad.
Anton:Oh, wow. My
Courtlynn:dad was like the bad boy. My mom was like drum major, a So good they were like, Ugh, this troublemaker.
Anton:Oh my gosh. It's Korean
Courtlynn:good girl.
Anton:What the Grease? That's incredible. Or High School Musical almost.
Courtlynn:I know, yeah.
Anton:That's awesome. Speaking of dads, what was your relationship like with your dad when you were a kid? Do you have any special memories, any things I can steal from him to do with Drew?
Courtlynn:I feel like I felt completely free with my dad. He was just so proud of me. Like, felt like I could do anything, and he would be like, that's my daughter. Like, when I wanted to start my business in college, both of my parents were like, You can do anything. I feel like my other friends who wanted to dabble in art, their parents were like, Why don't you just finish your nursing degree?
Courtlynn:And then, like, maybe down the line you can play around. But both of my parents were like, You've got this. Like, we believe in you. And I think I can just I think that's one of my favorite things about my relationship with my dad is I can feel his pride when he looks at me.
Anton:That is so awesome. The wind in your sails, you married your high school sweetheart, you married Will, and we love Will. What do you love the most about him as a dad?
Courtlynn:Oh my gosh. He's such a good dad. One thing I was drawn to him when dating was how steady he is. I just, when our son came into our lives, I just felt like Will got to give him those pieces of him. Like, Will got to give those things to Bryce that he was steady, and he showed up, and he was consistent.
Courtlynn:And one thing that I just know is so good for kids, and I'm just so thankful. Like, I love seeing that and for them to for him to be able to show up for my kids in that way. But, also, he's just, like, really playful and goofy. Like, he'll make their plates, and it will be, like, you know, using the food to make a face. Yeah.
Courtlynn:And he'll draw them, like, pictures to go in their lunch boxes and just plays with them every day.
Anton:That's awesome. Yeah. I love that. Tell me about the the beginning of Lovelyly and what happened with that.
Courtlynn:Yeah. So we were in our small our, like, hometown growing up, and it was my freshman year and all of not my best friend was still there, but I felt like so many people moved away and just the whole shift of the city changed after we graduated. Will moved away. I felt kind of sorry for myself. I had to go to community college and was like, Everybody else is going and having these experiences, and I'm just like home in my same town that I've been in, and my boyfriend, not husband, boyfriend is gone, and I was, like, hopelessly romantic obsessed with him.
Anton:As one should be.
Courtlynn:Devastated that he was gone. So that summer, we went to Colorado, and Will's family has a cabin there, and I like picked flowers for the dinner table. And then when I came back to our hometown, I was desperate for something, like a fun outlet or something to look forward to. So I asked this bakery in our hometown, the owner Jane, shout out, love you, if I could put flowers on the tables in her bakery. It was like a bakery coffee shop, Jane and John Doe.
Courtlynn:And she let me. And then eventually she was like, You're really good at this. You should start an Instagram. And so I did. And then my first bride was like, a customer from the bakery.
Courtlynn:Woah. She saw my work and was like, do you do weddings?
Anton:That's crazy. They're like, I like these flowers. I wanted them at my wedding.
Courtlynn:Yeah. Sweet.
Anton:And what was the moment that you knew, like, I'm building something here. Love Lily is taking off. This can be my full time thing and my job.
Courtlynn:It was I don't know. It there was a moment where I was like, oh, you can make money from this. I struggled so much to charge anybody, anything.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:And it feels like because I kind of grew up in a poverty mindset, it feels hard to charge something that I would never pay for, and I've never had that much money to be able to pay $15,000 for flowers for one day.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:I mean, it's, like, extremely physically demanding and time consuming, and I just hit this point where I was like, I'm working every weekend, I'm stressed out, I'm not eating, I'm having so much anxiety. Came to a point where I was like, Wait, this is not a free hobby. Yeah. This is my full time job, and I have to value my time. And so if somebody can't afford me, that is so fine.
Courtlynn:I can't afford this. Yeah. But in order for me to make this my full time job, I have to charge. And it's it's not fair to my kids if I'm not making, like, money doing my job, and I'm just, like, missing all these things with them or, like, missing so many weekends. I just think I it came to a point where I had to value, like, oh, my time and my energy is valuable, and clearly, people wanna work with me.
Anton:When did you or how do you currently delineate that? Like, do you when you're accepting clients, do you, like, have a schedule? Do you have a, like, a barrier to entry? Like, I imagine there's a lot of people that want the same weekend. Right?
Anton:Do you look at the finances or look at the type of the wedding and consult?
Courtlynn:Or Yeah. So my inquiry form on my website kind of helps naturally weed people out who may not be a good fit. Mhmm. So I ask questions like, what's your budget? And then my minimum minimum right now is 7,500.
Courtlynn:Mhmm. So I think from the inquiry form, they know. Like, if it's something smaller or if their budget's smaller, then I'm probably not a good fit. But I also have, like, another form on the website that's, like, little small random odds and ends inquiries, or if you just wanted, like, a bouquet or something, you can, like, fill that in. So 7,500 is, like, full service.
Courtlynn:We're gonna go. We're gonna set it up. We're gonna install. We're gonna bring the ladders. We're gonna clean it all up.
Courtlynn:We're gonna flip it from ceremony to reception. Mhmm. And then we're gonna, like, take it all out of the venue. So if you don't need that, then you know? And then once they inquire, it's not like they can't just, like, book me.
Courtlynn:Mhmm. They inquire, and I see, like, their vendor team, their photographer, their wedding planner, their venue, their dates, and I have to kinda decide based on, like, how big the wedding is. Because sometimes I'll do two on a weekend or two on the same day. Wow. But they have to be it has to they all have to fit together.
Courtlynn:It's like puzzle piecing Yeah. Schedule together. I have to, like, take account for rest between because they're really physically demanding. Even if I'm available weekend, but it's a huge one or a really small one that I would only profit a little bit of money, it doesn't make sense to book it.
Anton:Mhmm.
Courtlynn:Because it's like, I actually need the weekend to recoup and be with my kids.
Anton:And so then with the, like, the needing the rest between and everything, did you learn those things the hard way? I wondering if you knew, okay, I have to plan ahead or
Courtlynn:if I've you learned were like it all the hard way, unfortunately.
Anton:Wow. Yeah. RIP to the hard way.
Courtlynn:So I don't feel anxious anymore, but I did like, the first wedding I went to, I was like
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:And then I, like, cried on side. So
Anton:I know that you do the weddings, and you probably make a lot of money doing the weddings, but I've seen you do pop ups, like, for Valentine's Day, Mother's Day. What's the business side with that, and how does that work in comparison to weddings? Is that, like, an off season thing, or is it?
Courtlynn:Honestly, pop ups are not moneymakers.
Anton:Really? I did not know that.
Courtlynn:But I will say it's, like, my favorite day of the year. It's so fun. And I'm lucky to have, like, gotten in with Merit, the coffee shop, and I feel like they really like me coming. So it's this little mutual thing, and it's just fun because I feel so supported and loved by, like, people who come and, like, see me at the pop up and stuff. So I love to do it.
Courtlynn:I don't I don't care. That doesn't make that much money.
Anton:Yeah. The first time you met Drew was at the Valentine's Day pop up. She was 14 old.
Courtlynn:Sweet babe.
Anton:That's crazy. Throwback to
Courtlynn:That crazy.
Anton:Pop up life. And with the pop ups, do you see them more as, like, marketing opportunities, like, random people you've never met before are probably
Courtlynn:Yeah. Totally.
Anton:Buying and Yeah.
Courtlynn:And just, like, I have a little sign that I'll put up and, like, decorate and stuff. So and you can really lean into it with the creativity. It's like I get to pick whatever I want for the theme and the colors and all that kind of stuff.
Anton:So how do you stay grounded and creative or just grounded managing a business and motherhood?
Courtlynn:It's hard.
Anton:It's so hard.
Courtlynn:I think I just have to give myself a lot of grace because, well, we all know comparison is the thief of joy. So if I look to a stay at home mom, then I'm just like, do I even love my kids? Have I ever And spent time with then if I look at a full time corporate girly nine to five in the office, My life is so different. I have more flexibility during the week, then on the weekends, I'm gone a lot. So yeah, I think I have to just remember that this is my own motherhood journey and take the time I do have with my kids and try to be intentional.
Courtlynn:Working from home makes it really hard because I work in my home, honestly. Yeah. I can't get away from it. All of my problems are right here with me. Love that.
Courtlynn:Love that. That makes it hard having a balance. Yeah. But it also makes it nice because when the kids are sleeping, I can work or, like, if they're homesick or whatever. So
Anton:What is it like I guess I should explain. When I was in college, I was broke, obviously, and I worked a full time job and went to school at the same time. It was crazy. I was an Amazon delivery driver.
Courtlynn:Oh.
Anton:Yeah. It was pretty actually, my favorite job I've ever had. With that job, that meant that a lot of weekends, I wasn't around. And that meant a lot of parties I couldn't go to and a lot of just college kids hang out till, like, 1AM every night anyway. I missed out on that because I had to wake up at seven.
Anton:Do you feel like that echoes for your job and being busy on the weekends and not being able to hang out with friends? Like, do you resonate with that at all?
Courtlynn:So much. Really? Yeah. I really struggled with that. Like and it's gotten better as I hired somebody, Rachel, and, like have more help to try to get my life a little bit to look more like a nine to five.
Courtlynn:But yes, at the end, like, I feel like that's something that's been so hard through the whole thing. But since it's the only job I've had and I've been doing it since college, I feel like generally all of my friends know that's how my life works. And sometimes I felt a lot of guilt about that because it, I think I know for a fact I've had people feel like, wow, the most important thing in Cortland's life is her work, and then we come second. I actually don't know for a fact because nobody has said that to the face, but I feel confident that I have hurt friends in that, or just made them feel like, unfortunately, this has to come first.
Anton:Yep.
Courtlynn:And even, like, I feel really nervous as my kids get older, and they're in sports, and all those types of things, because a wedding, they book you out a year and a half in advance, and it's like being the boss, not every wedding do I need to be at, but I need to be at them for the most part. That has been a really hard thing to navigate on top of just feeling like if I do go to something, there's only 10 of myself showing up because I am so tired. Yeah. And I haven't eaten all day.
Anton:I get that, and I have empathy for that because I lived through that in college, and I hated that. What does what has success looked like for you lately? Has your definition changed of success over time?
Courtlynn:For sure. Everything felt like a win at the beginning. Like, another person. And there's been lulls right after I had my daughter. Basically no maternity leave, but I was drowning.
Courtlynn:I had my first wedding four weeks after Davey was born, and I had a C section, and then I had my second week two weeks later, and then two in that same weekend. It was just
Anton:No way. You got on the ladder? That's crazy.
Courtlynn:Yeah. I did get on the ladder, but I didn't get very high. The four weeks after. The six weeks, I was doing everything.
Anton:That's crazy.
Courtlynn:Yeah. Was with us.
Anton:That's so crazy. I'm going to break my mic. Snaps it.
Courtlynn:Yeah, that was definitely a learning curve. And also, with birth, you can't I tried my best to control it, and I had tons of help, but it was still like I was just drowning.
Anton:This is TMI, but was your C section planned?
Courtlynn:Kind of. Oh, okay. Yes, it was.
Anton:She was breached?
Courtlynn:She was breached. Okay. So the week of my daughter's, like, due date, our foster son our son Yeah. But at the time, our foster son had his final court hearing.
Anton:That's right.
Courtlynn:So, on Monday, I had to go testify as like a thirty nine week pregnant person. I was like out of breath and crying on the stand. And then I think she was induced on Thursday, but she was breached. So we had to we did an ECV. Like, my plan was to do the ECV when I get to the hospital, and if she flips, then they would induce me.
Anton:Mhmm.
Courtlynn:But she didn't flip. So then I knew if she didn't flip, I would have to have a c section. But the reality is is she's here safely. Yeah. And it is what it is.
Anton:And I pushed for three hours. She was in labor for twenty. I think she's in labor for twenty hours. They were like, we're about to have to go into a c section. But the guy that did Anna's birth, he's, like, 80.
Anton:And was like, I'm gonna use the the tongs or something. I don't know. The the big and he, like, pulled her out onto brighter subjects. You're not just a mom. You're an adoptive mom and a former foster mom, but I think forever a foster mom if you've done it once.
Anton:Walk me through the Bryce journey because I legitimately don't remember or know, like, when he came into your care and how long that was. If you feel like you can share it's his story, of course, but love We to
Courtlynn:were so excited to be foster parents. We were you know, it takes, a year to get certified. And so we got a bunch of calls in a row, and they all kept falling through. And then we got a call. Well, I had had a dream.
Anton:Oh.
Courtlynn:Yeah. I had a dream. I woke up, and I was like, Will, this is so weird. I had a dream that they called and asked if we wanted a boy or a girl. There's two kids who need homes, and you get to pick.
Courtlynn:And I was like, isn't that weird? And we wanted a girl so bad. But in the dream, it was weird, but in the dream, we picked the baby boy. And so the next morning, I woke up and told Will about my dream, and he went to work. And I got a text from the caseworker being like, this is bizarre, but we have two kids.
Anton:No way.
Courtlynn:A baby boy and a baby girl.
Anton:Stop.
Courtlynn:And so we had wanted a girl so bad, and so I, like, picked the baby boy. Well, Will and I talked a lot. He was a broken baby and, like, was in the hospital, had a lot of stuff going on. And so the other baby was, like a newborn legally free, I think, which means they're available for adoption. But we knew we wanted to foster and were really big advocates for reunification.
Courtlynn:And so we were like, we feel unqualified to take care of a baby who has a lot of needs, but So we said yes to the boy, and the lady texted me back and was like, we're excited you're, like, willing and and will, like, love to say yes to this baby boy. She was like, go meet him at the hospital. Go pick out some clothes for him.
Anton:No way.
Courtlynn:And I was just so excited, and I was feeling, like, so beyond myself that I had a dream and it was all coming to life. And I was like, the Lord is showing up, and He wants us to be foster parents, and He's doing all this stuff. So we were like, I picked out a bunch of stuff, went to the closet and grabbed all these things. And then an hour later, we got a call that they had found an ant. And I was just like
Anton:Wow.
Courtlynn:I literally was seems so dramatic.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:But I was, like, weeping on the floor. I think mainly because I felt so stupid that I was, like, would think God would give me a dream. I just felt stupid and, like, embarrassed that I had told people I had this dream, then it came to life. I was like, I don't even wanna do this anymore. Like, it kept falling through, and I was like, I I can't explain it, But I was devastated that it fell through and just just felt silly and dumb.
Courtlynn:And so Will and I went, and we were, like, so thankful he has a family member. Like, that's a great thing. Somebody is in his family that can take care of him. And we're like, we're gonna go drink margaritas.
Anton:Heck, yeah.
Courtlynn:And we went, and then Will looked down at his phone, he was like, Cortland? And I was like, what? And he was like, we need to go home because our caseworker just placed us with a new baby.
Anton:Wow.
Courtlynn:And I was actually kind of upset because it was like 11PM, and I had told Will, like, we're saying no for a while. Like, I'm so upset about this other baby, and I cannot, like, handle saying yes again and then that falling through. Like, I am just so ready to be a foster parent. Took over a year. Like and it's just bizarre because it feels like you don't even know the kid.
Courtlynn:But when you say yes, it's like you I don't know. It's like you understand.
Anton:They're your kid.
Courtlynn:They're your kid. It's like you put you're like, yes. I'm gonna love you and protect you. And I had done this for this baby who I knew needed someone to do it. And then anyways, I was just, like, very distraught about it.
Courtlynn:But the caseworker was like, CPS is on the way to your home with a We'd love that. Three month old baby boy.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:She was like, I'm sorry, but I said yes for you because I know how upset you were earlier. So we were like That's insane. I know.
Anton:I'm stressed for you.
Courtlynn:We, like, sobered up really fast. I mean, we were it was we were already fine, but we went and got coffee and just went and waited at home. And they came at midnight, and we met our son at midnight, and he was, like, asleep. She brought him in and, like, put him in his little carrier on the table, and she was like, we've had a hard day. And I just remember him, like, opening his eyes and looking at me.
Courtlynn:I was like, who are
Anton:you? Yeah. We
Courtlynn:he we, like, put him in his bassinet, and the next morning, he woke up and smiled at me. And I was just like, this is so I was like, you're so cute. I don't know you. But it's really sweet now to look back on that story. And I was so upset that the first baby, like, didn't end up in our family.
Courtlynn:And without, like, I had no say in Bryce being in our home, and it just feels like he, like, I don't know. It's just, like, really bizarre that I didn't say yes. Like, it was just put on me. Yeah. And then, obviously, we love him so much, and, like, I can't imagine our life without him.
Courtlynn:But that's how we moved into our house. Wow. Yeah. Wow. He had a really long case, and it had several extensions.
Courtlynn:So I feel like that was really hard.
Anton:Has becoming a parent changed your view of your parents?
Courtlynn:In the hospital, I when my mom came to meet Davey, I just was, like, couldn't stop crying because I was like, how did you do this at 17? I think being a parent has put into perspective how much my parents sacrificed to be good parents to me. Like, they gave up so much. I got to have my college years, and I got to have, like, all these things, and it's still hard. Like, I got to start parenthood with a full time job and, like, a home and all these things, and, it's still really hard.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:So I think it just put it into perspective of, like, I felt loved and cared for and, like, a lot of peace in my childhood despite, like, I know they went through a lot of stuff. Yeah. So Yeah. That's been the biggest thing, I think.
Anton:Yeah. I definitely resonate with that. Like, I when we had our foster kid, I was, like, feeding him at three in the morning thinking, oh my gosh. My parents did this for me. You know?
Anton:It was really, like, a crazy revelation. My mom my mom and I have a hard relationship, and she got charged with neglect when I was a teenager. So, you know, that makes it really tough, and we had a falling out for a long time. We didn't talk for a couple years. And when I held my foster kid and thought about the fact that my mom did that for me, I realized that she didn't she didn't fail me her whole life, maybe just a short period in that one little time period, like, kinda separated us because of where I was.
Anton:And it gives me so much empathy now being a parent for my mom because she did it for fifteen years without any real big mistakes. You know? And it's like, I haven't done anything for fifteen years without any mistakes. Yeah. So much empathy for the sacrifices they made.
Courtlynn:Yeah.
Anton:When you hear the word ladylike, what does it mean to you?
Courtlynn:My mom was just telling me she was just reminding me the other day and laughing about how when I was growing up, I, like, didn't think rich people farted or, like, ladylike people farted or celebrities.
Anton:Yeah. They don't fart. You're right.
Courtlynn:I love this podcast because I think it's helping me and Shirley, a lot of other people reframe their mindset of ladylike. Because I think, I think, like, generally of, like, their traditional, like, cross your legs, don't smack your gum, like, no burping. Yeah. But I just love that you're on a mission to show that Lee, like, there's it's such like, it's so complex. Yeah.
Courtlynn:And there's it's so layered, and it can look in, like, so many different things.
Anton:My argument is that Ladylike is like Mia Thermopolis before and after she became the princess of Genovia, If you know about have you seen that movie? Princess Diaries, I think it is.
Courtlynn:Wait, were we talking how I've only seen like 10 movies?
Anton:No, that's crazy.
Courtlynn:Movies were not a part of my childhood. And I think maybe it's my ADHD. I don't know.
Anton:I feel you. I feel you.
Courtlynn:But I I mean, I know before and after. It's both. Is that what you're saying?
Anton:Yeah. I think it is both. Both are ladylike, and that is just a physical representation of the, you know Mhmm. Emotional and everything else that goes into it. Yeah.
Anton:But I'm a guy, and that's why I'm on this journey to discover that. So we'll see how it continues to develop. What would your younger self be most surprised about the woman you are today?
Courtlynn:I think she would be so happy, which is so sweet.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:I had a hard journey of motherhood, I think, at the beginning, like becoming a parent through foster care. I really was disappointed in myself of the type of mom I was. I didn't resonate with it. I think I just didn't know how to be a foster mom. So much of foster care is out of your control.
Courtlynn:Yeah. And to protect myself, I became this, like, laid back, super chill, it is what it is type of mom out of, like, that's all I could do. That's what you it's kind of the type of parent you can be as a foster parent because none of it's in your control.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:I carried a lot of shame about that. It was always told to me, like, you're gonna be an amazing mom. You're and I always loved kids too, so I always just thought it would be really natural, and I struggled really, really badly with, like, my identity and just feeling disappointed in, like, how I was as a mom. So I had to give myself grace. It's now been seven months since we adopted our son, and it's been really sweet.
Courtlynn:I'm, like, leaning into this new angle of motherhood of, like, a permanent mom to him. And my daughter now is also a year and a half. So
Anton:Oh my gosh. I didn't know she was that old.
Courtlynn:Uh-huh.
Anton:That's crazy.
Courtlynn:Yeah. What? So in the past year, like, I've really grown into the type of mom that I always thought I would be, and that's been, like, so relieving because I was just, like, so distraught about it. I wouldn't be surprised if that's a common theme for first time moms who enter motherhood through foster care because it's just so out of your control. And you're, like, comparing yourself to all these other moms who maybe entered motherhood in a really traditional way.
Courtlynn:Yeah.
Anton:And I
Courtlynn:just felt like it's not fair. You just get to hug your kid and not worry about what's their future.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:Which it's all a lie. We we have no control. It's like a fake type of control of being a bio parent.
Anton:It is.
Courtlynn:But I felt, like, envious of that, and I felt like I couldn't relate to other moms. But that's, like, a long winded answer. I think younger me would be just, like, couldn't wait to grow up if they got to see my life today. Yeah. It feels, like, right in line with who I always thought I would be.
Anton:That's awesome. And when, you know, little girls, they're like, future letter to myself type thing. I feel like they go, did I marry him? And you did marry him, you know, the one that you probably would have been writing about, which is really, I think, a very sweet thing. And
Courtlynn:I have, like, hilarious journal entries
Anton:About Will.
Courtlynn:About Will.
Anton:Oh, man. Next episode, just reading entries from Will. I'm just kidding. But I I also wanted to say, because you're one of the only people that I know that has a very similar journey to Anna and I that we both fostered a boy. We both loved that boy a lot.
Anton:And then, you know, obviously, we had a bio girl. You guys had a bio girl. I was really I I yeah. I don't think it's a experience to motherhood only to feel that weird tension because I remember with my foster son, I would have died for him. But as I thought that he might transition out of our home, I felt myself, like, I don't care.
Anton:I'm cool. And it's just like, that's not reality. It's a coping mechanism because you don't control anything when you're a foster parent.
Courtlynn:Yeah.
Anton:From the car seat, like, we were told what kind of car seat he had to be in and, you know, everything in his life was was kind of we got to make small choices, but it is just really interesting that I didn't let myself love with complete reckless abandon. And I did for a long time, but towards the end when it looked like he was gonna be transitioned into another home, into a family member's home, I remember being, like, feeling an immense amount of shame and guilt. Like, oh my gosh. I I'm not being the best version of myself. So
Courtlynn:I think, like, on top of that, it's such a hard balance because if you are which I I know we, like, have the same training. So Yeah. Like, being reunification
Anton:Focused.
Courtlynn:Focused. Yeah. It's this tough balance of when a child comes into your home, you want and you hope that their family can heal in a way that they can go back. Yeah. And that's like the goal.
Courtlynn:And so how do you balance that with this is your son, treat him like he's your son, when every week he gets to see, you know, his bio family, and then I'm reminded as soon as we're there, he's not mine.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:You know? So I think I really struggled with that.
Anton:100%.
Courtlynn:I think every foster parent should give themselves grace because it's like an impossible thing.
Anton:Yeah. It's insane. It's a really unique experience.
Courtlynn:I felt a lot of guilt watching our friend's daughter be reunified
Anton:Yeah. Yeah.
Courtlynn:Their foster daughter and watching your foster son be reunified. Yeah. Because I was in the middle of adopting our son, that honestly was my biggest fear. Not my biggest fear, but one thing I was really worried about was our son leaving and me suddenly losing this identity that I had for the past two years.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:I was just so you can take all of this off, but I was just like so proud of Kaitan and Yaki and you guys just watching y'all navigate, like not being parents anymore. It's like
Anton:It was brutal. Oh, man. Yeah. Gotta make me cry. But
Courtlynn:Yeah.
Anton:Yeah. I think it was insane. We I don't know if you ever felt like you were when you were a foster parent at the beginning, like, oh my gosh. I can't wait for this kid to leave so I can go to the movies or whatever. But I just remember I just remember thinking, like, man, I'm so excited that that our son is gonna be put with awesome family members.
Anton:It's gonna be great. And then we're gonna go back to being dinks, you know, and that's gonna be great. I cannot describe the emptiness that that felt when we when he got with his family and we had the first night in ten months where we slept through the night for three nights in a row. And we went to the movies, and we went on dates, and we were just like, this is not it.
Courtlynn:Yeah.
Anton:You know, we were like, luckily, we were pregnant. So we were deep into pregnancy, so we knew this was very temporary, but it was, incredibly hard. And I think it gave me also a lot of empathy for empty nesters, which is crazy. But in the middle of it, you're like, oh, I just can't wait for these kids to grow up or whatever. But then I think at the end of of it all, when your kids go and they go off in life, you're probably feeling, like, lost.
Courtlynn:I know I didn't feel it because it didn't happen. Yeah. But I felt it for months, like, at night crying
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:Being so fearful Yeah. Of that. And so knowing that y'all walked directly into that and you had no choice, like
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:I cried for you guys because I just was like, oh, this is, like, the worst thing ever. Yeah. You like, you can also keep this off, but I know, like, today he went with his dad.
Anton:Yeah. Today.
Courtlynn:I just So I'm like
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:It just makes it's just like, oh, I don't wanna do foster care anymore.
Anton:I know. I was gonna that was gonna be a nice question. It's like, has it ever has that fear has that feeling ever made you think that you didn't wanna go back into it and do foster care anymore? Obviously, there's a reality. It's like, you're raising two kids.
Courtlynn:Yeah. Yeah.
Anton:But at the same time, it's like, I mean, for me, it took we're not we're gonna be foster parents again in September, but it took a long time for me to be like, I'm ready to expose myself to trauma.
Courtlynn:Yeah. Yeah. I know. Seriously.
Anton:Literally.
Courtlynn:I think well, we go back and forth. Like, I don't feel completely done. Mhmm. But I like, it's this I well, it just keeps me, like, you don't have to decide right now.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:And that's true. But I I don't feel completely done. Like, I don't feel like our family's full.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:But I, like, I do feel in the trenches right now. And so when I think about, like, the capacity is just not there. Like, when we started, I had no kids. Weird dinks. Like, we were just easy breezy living life.
Courtlynn:Yeah. And so I felt like I had a lot of capacity, and I had a lot of support. And now that we have two kids, two toddlers, it's like they are so needy and so annoying and so, like, wonderful, obviously. Like, loud and crazy. It's like how and all else, our house is tiny.
Courtlynn:So it's like, where would they go? But, yeah, I I do think I would wanna do it again, but I don't I don't know. I think I'm much less naive to how hard it is
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:Now. So it's like it feels like a bigger yes than the first time.
Anton:I got more questions, and we're almost done.
Courtlynn:Okay.
Anton:So if Davey and Drew were listening fifteen years from now, what do you hope they hear in our conversation? Mostly Drew or mostly Davey. Sorry. Mostly my daughter. Mostly Davey is what I mean.
Courtlynn:For Drew. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, girls. Y'all are little teenagers.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:I who knows what the world will be like then? But I just feel like I was blessed with people in my life who just supported me and encouraged me and let me just do what I wanted to do. I hope as parents that we can, like, feed them courage and resilience and boldness and bravery to do the things that they want to do.
Anton:If you could hand the girls, Davey and Drew, one message from this season of your life, what would it be about who you are today?
Courtlynn:I don't know.
Anton:Yeah.
Courtlynn:If I could one one message? I wish I had some, like, concise little one liner. I know. I don't.
Anton:The unfortunate thing is I have one loaded up. I'm so sorry, but I've been thinking about this one. So
Courtlynn:Well, let me think of something. I don't know. Sayers.
Anton:This has been a really good episode. We both cried. I was just looking at the camera like, that's a great angle. Shout out to myself. My message is this.
Anton:Other people will fail you in life, but just don't fail yourself. Like, show up for yourself and work your hardest. I was in a sales meeting with my boss. Shout out Celeste, CEO of my company. She's the best, and she's really great at sales.
Anton:And I was in a meeting with her probably two year or a year a year and a half ago now. And in that meeting, I was like, I'm not making as much money as I want to. And kind of coming in like a blaming sort of sense. I was like, you're responsible for growing this company. You're the CEO.
Anton:And she looked me dead in the eyes, and she goes, it's like the the reason for my success is that I don't fail myself. Some clients might fall off. She was like, I'm gonna do everything in my power to not fail myself. And I was like, dang. And so I've been thinking about that.
Anton:So don't fail yourselves, girls. Like, do everything in the power to achieve the dreams that you want, and other things are gonna get in the way, but you gotta keep pushing through it for your own sake. Nobody else is gonna give it to you. You gotta take it.
Courtlynn:I think to add on to that, you might fail yourself once. Yeah. Or you might make a mistake, and it feels like you fail yourself, but you get the next choice to take care of yourself again.
Anton:Totally.
Courtlynn:That's been something huge I've been learning is how to take care of myself after having Davey and postpartum depression and just feeling overwhelmed with life is, feel like I've been gathering up the pieces. And, yeah, I did feel like I failed myself, but you can always get back up again.
Anton:100%. Yeah. That is so true. It's like, if we're talking about not feeling ourselves and the expectation is perfection with ourselves Yeah. That is false.
Anton:I feel myself probably at least eight times a day, just kidding, probably like eight times a week. But every time that I do the next choice, you have the opportunity to keep coming back and you have the opportunity to keep going. So I wanna echo that. So tell that camera and that camera where people can find you with LoveLilyFlowers and what you do, And anything else you wanna shout out? And tell them to be foster parents.
Anton:You got it. This is your moment. Don't do it.
Courtlynn:I'm just kidding.
Anton:Don't be foster parents.
Courtlynn:You can find me at Instagram at lovelily dot flowers. And, yeah, you can look at my website, lovelilyflowers.com.
Anton:That's awesome. Yeah. Well, thank you for spending this time with me. This episode, I'm really excited to put out there, and we have episodes coming out every Wednesday. Follow us on Instagram, TikTok at ladylike underscore pod, and then on YouTube at ladylike the dad podcast is where you will find us.
Anton:Thank you guys for being here.
Courtlynn:Thanks for having me.