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Conversations With Thomas is a podcast where humor, heart, and a touch of sass collide. Hosted by Thomas Kevin Dolan, each episode explores raw, real topics like self-compassion, healing, and the delightful mess of being human. As the seventh of ten kids, Thomas didn’t always have a voice—now he’s sharing it with you, and trust us, you’ll want to hear this.
Expect vulnerability, laughs, and thought-provoking questions that dive into subjects most people avoid (because, let's face it, some topics just need to be tackled). With a mix of wit and wisdom, Thomas takes you on a journey where you might cry, you might laugh, and you’ll definitely feel a little more connected to yourself and the world.
New episodes drop every 2nd and 4th Monday. Tune in for a dose of honesty, heart, and just the right amount of quirky.
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respect, the original stewards of these islands, their wisdom, resilience, and aloha
still pulsed through this place, shaping the spirit of these conversations. This new
season, that big question mark, it's deeper. I think it's braver. It's more
brilliantly human, which is another way of saying we'll get real,
we'll laugh deeply, and we'll sit honestly with the moments that move us, because
that's life, right? Today's episode is called "Pop Quizzes from the Universe," those
moments when life hands us the same lesson again and again, not because we failed,
not because we screwed up, but because we're being refined. Today I want to start
with a question. Have you ever caught yourself sighing and saying, "Ugh, Not this
lesson again,
been there, done that, still doing it. You thought you healed,
you thought you learned, you thought you had graduated from that particular life
test, only to have the universe slide the exact same pop quiz across your desk the
next morning. It's easy in those moments to feel like you failed, Like you're behind
or like you'll never get it. But what if that's not failure at all? What if that's
simply how life works? Mark Neppo in his book the book of awakening says this and
I love this. This is actually what moved me. I had another topic for my First
episode in season two. But when I read this I thought I need to talk about this.
Mark Nepo's quote from his book, "The Book of Awakening" says this, "My husband was
actually reading it to me." Okay, I'll get to the point. Repetition is not failure.
Ask the waves. Ask the leaves. Ask the wind. Isn't that gorgeous?
That line has been echoing in me. It's, like I said,
what inspired this episode.
Because repetition is everywhere. It's nature's rhythm. It's in our heartbeat.
It's in our breath. Ha is in Haba 'i. In the tides, in the rise and fall of the
Sun, we don't call those things failures. We call them life. So today's conversation
is about why repetition is not all caps, not failure.
Why it's actually vital to our growth and how instead of resenting the lesson That
return we can actually receive them and that's where I want to begin today So let's
start by zooming out. Let's go to what I call Eagle's view
Philosophically Repetition is baked into life The Stoics told us that everything
returns in cycles. Pain, joy, loss, healing.
Buddhism teaches us that permanence and return are the ways of things. Seasons circle
back, never identical though, but always familiar. And yet when life hands us the
same emotional challenge, again, we call ourselves slow learners. We groan and we
judge. Let's be honest, most of us carry a quiet anxiety that we're behind.
Behind in healing, behind in career, behind in love.
Like life is some kind of syllabus and we're the kid who missed the first three
weeks of class and can never catch up. But here's the truth. There is no syllabus.
There is no schedule. There is only the lesson that shows up when it shows up.
I like to think of this as psychologists call it, "spiral learning." The idea that
growth doesn't happen in a straight line, nor a gay line for that matter, we circle
back again and again. But each time at a deeper level, every time we revisit an
old wound or don't have it, it's actually another chance to rewrite and another
chance to rewire. So when you catch yourself saying, "Ugh, not this again," try
reframing it as, "Ah, another lap in the spiral." You've dipped into what I call
the myth of falling behind. I play with this this way.
The universe is less like a stern math teacher, marking you down in red ink and
more like Netflix. It keeps recommending the same show until you finally click play.
And sometimes you click play, watch half an episode, wander away, and the next day
it's waiting for you again. That's not failure, that's persistence, that's care.
Now let's get practical and a little science in what I'm sharing with you today is
backed up by science, a neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to rewire itself.
Actually depends on repetition. And I have a sense that you get that. When we learn
something new, those neurons don't fire perfectly the first time. They actually need
practice. A new neuro pathway, right? They need the groove to deepen.
Think of learning to play piano or learning a new language. You don't master it
instantly. You practice scales. You stumble. You screw up the language.
You repeat. And slowly, your brain builds the highway. That groove I talked about,
it builds the highway instead of the gravel road. Psychology says the same. Habits
aren't formed by one dramatic effort. They're formed by small, incremental reputations
over and over. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, calls it "the compound effect
of tiny actions." Repetitions how the brain learns. Neurons that fire together?
You got it. They wire together. The first time we face grief or rejection, our
brain doesn't know what to do with it. But when it happens again, and oh my gosh,
it does happen again, the brain has a little more muscle memory. It recognizes the
pain. Even if there's a sting to it, it still recognizes it. And spirituality,
every tradition says the same thing. The Psalms repeat,
Buddhist chants repeat, ole or chance here in Hawaii,
repeat. Why? Because repetition is not failure. It's rhythm. It's how our souls
remember. Even healing works this way.
Trauma doesn't leave our bodies because we understood it once in therapy. Patterns
repeat. They rise again until we can bring awareness, Compassion and patience.
I love this from Bell Hooks and Bell Hooks reminds us that love is not just a
feeling, but a practice. And practices by definition require repetition. We don't fall
in love once, we practice loving again and again. Through mess,
through repair, through choosing connections. That's why in my relationship love is a
verb for me. I show my husband as often as I possibly can how I love him, on top
of telling him how I love him. Let me ground this in my own life as an example.
A little embarrassing to share with you, but I'm going to go there anyways. A few
years ago, I thought I had really done the work around self -worth. I at times can
fall into this trap of thinking I've got it all figured out. And life is humbling
when it shows me that I don't. I'd been in therapy. I'd been in coaching. I was a
client with a coach. I still am. I was journaling like a champ, gold star for
Thomas or as a little Catholic elementary school boy, holy sticker for Thomas. And
then, yeah, you got it. I got rejected for something I deeply wanted. And there I
I crawled up on the couch, eight years old again, feeling unlovable. My little boy
was in pain. At first I thought, "Seriously? Haven't I graduated from this?" But
then I realized this wasn't failure. It was another round of rehearsal,
another chance to love myself deeper than before. Another opportunity to practice
mindfulness, my favorite word, kindness, plus mindfulness woven together.
It simply was another door to walk through, another chance to level up.
In each lap around, the spiral brought me closer, not further from healing and
perhaps a chance to have even better hair.
Let me stop for a moment with a bit of a coach promo here. You know, these pop
quizzes from the universe, they're not just random annoyances. I call them
invitations. Do I always want them? No, they're invitations. And if you're tired of
feeling like you're stuck on the same lesson, this is exactly the kind of work I
do in my coaching. I support folks to see that repetition isn't failure.
It's a chance to realign with your essential self. That's another word for your
heart. That part of you, that intuition, that part of you knows the answer. Together
we explore the patterns that keep showing up. Not to shame you, but to finally
shift them into growth for you. So if life keeps handling and handing you the same
test, maybe it's time to stop cramming alone. I'd love to be your guide, your
mirror, your ally, or accomplice in the process. Visit ThomasKevindoland .com,
click "Begin Your Heart Journey" to book a free discovery session with me. And let's
turn those pop quizzes into real breakthroughs. Okay, back to the episode. Let me
bring in some voices of women leaders who shaped this idea for me.
Dr. Stell or Esther Perel reminds us, the quality of your life ultimately depends on
the quality of your relationships. Dr. Perel is brilliant in all kinds of ways.
She reminds us, and those relationships don't teach us something once. They circle
back over and over, asking us to deepen our listening, our honesty,
our growth. I think here's the spiral again. Dr. Thema Bryant, powerful, powerful
woman. Dr. Bryant says this healing is not a one -time event. It is a process.
That's the essence of it, isn't it? The universe doesn't hand us one neat,
one -and -done lesson. It offers us cycles, spirals, gentle,
sometimes relentless invitations to practice, release and rise again,
as my Angelo says. So how do we live this out? Here are a few imitations from me
to you to consider. Think of a lesson that keeps showing up in your life.
Instead of asking why again, try asking what's deeper here for me this time.
A second journal with journal with this prompt I'm not failing I am rehearsing and
then fill in the blank finish that sentence I am not failing I am rehearsing
patience I'm rehearsing courage hell I'm rehearsing love and then the third idea is
look at nature as your teacher watch the waves the leaves the wind,
let them remind you that repetition is actually vitality, not punishment. And because
this is deep, deep soulful, heartful work.
And on some level, it's simple. Here are three more practices that I want to share
with you that I use. The first is, name your repeat teachers.
What lessons keep circling back for you? I'm constantly reminded of,
and this is how a teacher shows up for me. She shows up as boundaries. She shows
up as self -worth. She shows up as patience. Instead of labeling them failures,
they are my teachers, and I welcome them as often as I consciously can. I welcome
them. Here's the second thing I do. I shift the script. Next time you catch
yourself saying, "Oh, not this again." Refame it to,
"Welcome back. What do you want me to see this time?" It's actually fun to do
that. It really is fun to do that. And the third, and this is really important,
celebrate the incremental. Maybe you don't ace the test this first time either, But
did you flinch less? Did you recover faster? Were you able to offer yourself more
compassion,
flinching less, recovering faster, offering yourself more compassion? That's progress.
That's what I celebrate. Because growth doesn't come in leaps, it comes in layers.
So let's circle back to where we began kind of like what Julianne just said. Let's
start at the very beginning. Mark Nepo, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves,
the leaves, ask the wind. And maybe that's the truth of it. Our work isn't to
escape repetition or even to be embarrassed or shamed by it. Our work is to let
repetition deepen us, to let it rehearse us into being. Isn't that beautiful?
Let repetition rehearse us into being. I don't get it right the first time and now
I don't need to. I'm going to invite you not to get it right either the first
time. And if you ever doubt it, go ask the waves. Ask the leaves.
Ask the wind. They'll remind you. Rhythm is not failure. It's life. The work isn't
to rush, it isn't to rush, or to actually keep pace with anyone else,
nor with their timeline. Learning comes exactly when it's meant to come.
So next time life slides, the same lesson back across your lap, inviting you not to
groan, smile, even just a little, because you're not failing,
you're being invited deeper.
If what I shared in today's episode spoke to you or even in some way whispered
something to you, I'm gonna invite you not just to keep it to yourself. Share it
certainly, but here's the point. Don't just keep it. I'm gonna invite you to live
it. And then go ahead and share it. Like me, wrestle with it. Like me,
practice it. And when the universe slips that same old pop quiz onto your path.
Remember, you're not failing. You're evolving one lesson at a time. Isn't that
gorgeous? You're evolving one lesson at a time. It's nice to have a partner on that
path. Thank you for being that partner. I craft this podcast from heart, from
healing and a breath of science to keep me honest. Behind the scenes executive
production is my brilliant husband, Adam Ma, and me. Until next time, keep showing
up for life's pop quizzes. Keep laughing at the questions you already should know,
and above all, keep listening to yourself, to others, and to the wisdom that's
whispering beneath the repetition. That's what the repetition is all about. It's a
whisper for you to God, or some wisdom from it.