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Parenting is a must-win game. That's true for all of us, including some of the most accomplished coaches and leaders in athletics across the country.
Presented by Black Raven and Little U Productions, Championship Parenting is a weekly master class on parenting and leadership from some of the top coaches, administrators and executives across the landscape of American sports — each of whom have children of their own, and a wealth of relatable stories and insight to share.
Kolby Paxton (00:02.958)
We're joined by Alexa and Darryl Keckler. Quick bios on the pair, Alexa, head volleyball coach at Lehigh University. Her teams have won over 60 % of their games, 61 % according to the internet, but I didn't want to get down to like the exact percentage point in case there was a win streak that happened last season that wasn't captured yet. Before she was a coach as a player, Alexa was an All -American at Hagerstown Community College.
and then enrolled at Trevecca Nazarene where she'd go on to play two seasons for the Trojans, both times earning academic all -conference honors. so, you know, she's smart. That's why we got her on here. Darryl is the head basketball coach at Moravian university prior to his move to Moravian, 14 seasons as a head coach at Drew, two -time landmark conference coach of the year. and like Alexa Darryl was also a standout college athlete. He scored more than 1 ,250 points during his basketball career.
Also at Trevecca, safe to say the two of you are at Trevecca Royalty at this point. Two time all conference selection. Alexa, Darryl, thank you so much for joining the show today. Really appreciate it.
Alexa Keckler (01:12.646)
Thanks for having us. Yeah, thanks, Colby. We're excited to be here.
Kolby Paxton (01:16.814)
Certainly there's plenty for us to discuss relative to your accomplishments within your respective sports. But before we get into all that, amid the list of criteria needed to get an invite to be a guest on the Championship Parenting Podcast, there is one non -negotiable, and that is the parenting part of the equation. Together, you two have four children, three girls and a boy. So let's start there. Just kind of give me the background on your kids and background on your family dynamic.
Alexa Keckler (01:47.75)
Yeah, so we have four kids, our oldest 18 year old Olivia, she just graduated high school. She is heading to Susquehanna University to play volleyball in the fall. We're really excited about that. And then Cameron will be going into her sophomore year. She's 14, she'll be 15 in August. And then we have boy girl twins that will be heading into seventh grade, Max and Mallory. So needless to say, it is a busy household.
Kolby Paxton (02:14.35)
Yeah, I bet. I bet. The first thing I really want to do, and, you know, take this in whatever direction you want to go, and obviously there's two of you, so I'm interested in really getting a handle on the background from both of you in terms of how you grew up. Your upbringing, you know, the key mentors in your life, whether it be parent, coach, et cetera. What sports did you play? Where are you from? Just kind of give us a bit of an elevator pitch version of kind of
your experience as a child growing up.
Alexa Keckler (02:47.942)
Yeah, of course. so I grew up in a, basketball household. my dad was a, standout high school basketball coach in the state of Maryland. coached in the Baltimore Catholic league for pretty much since, you know, the eighties, he was there for about almost 30 years, at St. Mary Greti. So, a lot of, a lot of sports, a lot of basketball, I started crawling and walking into gym. So haven't really been able to get my, my way out of it. I was the youngest of three. So my,
Two older sisters were quite a bit older than me. And so I was kind of the, I would consider myself the boy of the family. So played lots of basketball, lots of volleyball, softball, was a two sport athlete through high school. And then headed off to Hagerstown Community College and then finished my career at Trebekah Nazarene. And I grew up in Mount Juliet, Tennessee, just outside of Nashville. And I'm the oldest of two. I have a younger brother and I played every sport. My first love was
was probably baseball. I always loved basketball, but was small as a kid, as an early age. Got into football a little bit as I began to grow. Moved towards football and basketball in high school when I outgrew the positions I loved in baseball. And then ended up luckily playing college basketball at Treveca. So it's been a very unique experience for us.
I think we were both two sport athletes. We both looked at going to college to play two sports. Alexa went to college to play basketball and volleyball. I think it was a bone of contention in her family when she gave up basketball. I don't think her dad talked to her for a few weeks. That's true. That's true. We still never bring that up, even though it's been many, many years since that happened. I think it still hurts. And for me, I had originally thought I was going to play football and basketball at the Division I level.
Kolby Paxton (04:27.438)
Sound like it.
Alexa Keckler (04:42.47)
and I ended up not pulling the trigger and playing football. I just couldn't make myself do it. I really loved basketball and it worked out going to Treveka and getting to play. And I tell everyone I went to play college basketball 20 plus years ago and I'm still riding the same bus trips, eating the same Domino's pizza after games. So I definitely loved it and I hope they never make me leave it.
Kolby Paxton (05:05.166)
Well, I mean, Alexa, a little insult to injury there, not only leaving the sport, but then making a career in the other sport. So at least you married a basketball player has a bit of a consolation, huh?
Alexa Keckler (05:14.79)
yeah, are you kidding me? My dad and Darryl are great friends. My dad's been a help along the way. He's always sending recommendations of high school players he sees in the area and still providing me with a glorious report card after matches on my own coaching. So he's still critiquing and helping guide me in any way he can, but it's appreciated.
Kolby Paxton (05:38.318)
That's awesome. I'm making an assumption because I didn't ask you before we started recording, but Trevek and Nazarene, not a huge enrollment. So is it fair for me to assume that you all met while you were student athletes there?
Alexa Keckler (05:52.006)
Good assumption. Yeah. That's correct.
Kolby Paxton (05:53.838)
Yeah, very good, very good. Okay, so apart from, God, you share everything. You were student athletes at the same school, and then obviously, Alexa, your family slept for basketball, and then you marry the perfect guy for that. But in terms of your shared coaching background, how would you say being married to another coach has influenced your approach to coaching and parenting, right? But I think the trickle down,
is probably coaching first and then and then you know how that influences your approach to parenting
Alexa Keckler (06:30.47)
Yeah, I think it's, Colby, honestly, it's one of the most unique things we probably could do in our lives. I mean, when I'm out of season, she's in the heart of it. And the ability to read like what someone's going through, you know, if it's whether it's a lack of patience or a lack of sleep or just the frustration going on, to be able to put yourself in that person's shoes and know exactly what they're dealing with, I think has made our relationship strong. But then you throw in the parenting side of it. And for us to go through it.
and be able to see both sides of it as well where we can bring up in conversation like, hey, if we look at it from this angle, here's what they're seeing. And I think without that, you know, it's so hard to be empathetic and to understand what the athletes are going through, what their parents are going through, and to know the conversations that are going on in their homes when they're not with us has certainly shifted us as leaders. And I joke all the time and thank you for not bringing up my career record.
But I've taken up two programs that were at the bottom of the league when I took over. And so much of the process is becoming a better leader. I always joke, I was a much better coach when I first took over my first head job at Drew, but we didn't start winning until I became a worse coach and a much better leader. And so much of that was synergistic with becoming a father and having our kids start to play sports and to be able to see that other side of it. And it's something that we discussed quite a bit.
Kolby Paxton (07:56.206)
well listen there are two time landmark conference coach of the year okay that's all anybody needs to know i said that and that's all they need to know so that's right that's right
Alexa Keckler (08:02.95)
Focus on the positive goal. We all love that man. Yeah. I definitely think with the parenting perspective, we just went through the college recruiting process and I sure wish that we would have had that opportunity at the beginning of my coaching career because to see it from the other side was certainly eye opening to understand inside the mind of a 16, 17 year old trying to make a decision and recognizing sometimes the difficulty and the discomfort that family is
are facing, we do it every day, but it is difficult for those families to go through that. So I think that's probably my biggest one. And then also recognizing how we want our own children to be when they're entering that world and looking at some of our players and thinking, wow, these are amazing young women or young men. This is what we want our kids to be like when they get there and seeing that and putting that into perspective of how we're handling our own.
parenting skills and decisions based on the fact that we want them to be like these young adults that we get to coach every day.
Kolby Paxton (09:09.518)
Yeah, Alexa, I mean, I wanted to get there eventually and you took us there. So I'm going to jump ahead and we can jump back. But the recruiting aspect of it, I think, is pretty fascinating from your perspective, because obviously both of you have been the recruiter in the dynamic and now having been the parent in the dynamic and had coaches talking to you about wanting your daughter to play at their school.
You can speak to the uniqueness of that and what was it like? I mean, you kind of know where the bodies are buried, so to speak, right? I mean, that's so, I mean, were they were other coaches nervous and I would have been nervous in front of y 'all when they're trying to recruit your daughter or what was that like?
Alexa Keckler (09:42.246)
Ha ha!
Alexa Keckler (09:52.518)
Yeah, I mean, I don't know necessarily, I can't speak to whether or not they were nervous, but I do think most of them just assumed that she was gonna play for me at Lehigh. And, you know, and Darryl, we've had some long extensive conversations about what that would look like, how that would feel. And, you know, I think from both my perspective and Olivia's, we both wanted her to have the freedom of spreading her wings and becoming her own person. And we didn't really feel like that would happen if she was constantly under me or in my world. And so,
Kolby Paxton (10:01.422)
Yeah.
Alexa Keckler (10:22.406)
you know, we wanted her to be able to find a space and, you know, honestly, it was, you know, for her, she, she lives and breathes it, but at the same time, it's also a little difficult when you're starting to process all of that. But, you know, all the, all the coaches that recruited her were fantastic, coaches and individuals. And, you know, I think we just kind of let it in her hands to be able to make that decision for herself and what she wanted and kind of kept our, you know,
major opinions out of it. We guided her, we sat in the passenger seat, made sure she stayed on the right highway, but we were letting her really drive it. I'm going to be honest with you though, Colby. There were many times we were sitting at the dinner table and I'm like, wait a minute, let's talk about this a little bit, Liv. Like you can go to Lehigh for free. Alexa, you could scholarship her, cover her room and board. What are we doing here? Like let's save some money here. You know what I mean? Let's be smart about this.
Kolby Paxton (11:08.558)
I don't know, right?
Alexa Keckler (11:14.438)
But at the same time, you know, the biggest thing was we don't want to damage mother daughter relationship. That is primarily the number one thing we want. And the volleyball part of it is great. And I'm a big believer that college can be awesome everywhere. You know, one thing I say in our recruiting spiel all the time is this isn't marriage. This isn't, you know, there's only one right person for you and you're going to be with them for life. Like college can be awesome. A lot of places, if you handle things the right way and we hope our daughter does so.
It was really about letting her find where she was going to be comfortable, where she wanted to be. Regardless of what we think of the coaches or the playing time or any of that stuff, volleyball definitely comes as an auxiliary bonus to that.
Kolby Paxton (11:55.822)
What was it about Susquehanna in particular, if I could ask? I mean, I know Sharif Ashiim, their athletic director, is a wonderful guy, but I don't think that Sharif had much to do with Olivia going to Susquehanna. So what was it about Susquehanna in particular that appealed to her and appealed to you?
Alexa Keckler (12:13.446)
You know, I think the one thing that did help us is we knew, okay, here's where she falls academically. what schools we think she could have reached for, what school she could have gotten into, but also the ones that would check off the boxes academically, socially, and athletically where she could really enjoy the experience from all three perspectives. And, you know, being in the landmark, like I've been for 16 years now, I really targeted landmark schools after we pursued like the highest academic school. She happens to be a really good student.
she pursued some of the highest academic schools she could look at, but in the end it was like, you know, would you get to enjoy the experience as a student as well? And for her, it felt like she would have to really, really grind and work hard all the time just to survive academically. And I don't know that she wanted to do that, you know, and it was about the balance for us. And I've always been impressed with Susquehanna and I'll be quite honest. One thing that impressed her is.
Kolby Paxton (13:00.558)
Yeah. Yeah.
Alexa Keckler (13:09.478)
My last year at Drew, we played at Susquehanna in the championship game and she went to that game and the atmosphere was incredible. And I think there was a lasting impression. And in division three, a lot of times people think, well, what do sports have to do with enrollment? Why is it so important? Well, I can point to my daughter and say, hey, she was attracted to Susquehanna because she went to a division three basketball game there one day and now she wants to attend there for four years. Like it really does matter that much.
It also helps that she's two hours away and they have a Wednesday, Saturday schedule. So I'll get to see her play a little bit.
Kolby Paxton (13:44.91)
Two hours is like perfect, right? It's like far enough away that you're not at home, but not so far away that we can't get to you pretty quick. So yeah, that makes a ton of sense. Cameron Mallory Maddox, I'm assuming all athletes as well. Can you speak to that a little bit?
Alexa Keckler (14:02.246)
Yeah, they're in it all the time. I swear our calendars are color coded and they're. Everybody that sees it just says that gives them a high anxiety. So that's, you know, I'm a calendar color coded spreadsheet kind of person. So, but yeah, they're in a lot of things. Cameron is a soccer volleyball, but kind of had to give up the soccer world when she started high school. So she has volleyball for high school, travel club volleyball.
Kolby Paxton (14:06.222)
I don't even want to see your calendar. I don't. I don't want to see it.
Ha ha
Alexa Keckler (14:31.622)
And then Mallory is still kind of figuring out her ways, tending to lean more towards volleyball. She's around it a lot, but she does basketball, soccer, played lacrosse the last couple of years. And Maddox is just all in on football and basketball, like all in. He would play at 24 seven, knows the draft picks. I mean, it's just crazy. Yeah. So like father likes it for sure.
Kolby Paxton (14:56.393)
But have either of you ever had an opportunity to coach any of your kids at the youth level?
Alexa Keckler (15:03.302)
Yeah, a lot currently both of us do. Yeah. I think it's been fun for us on that, that angle of it. We also have tried to coach them at the younger ages and then pass them off as they've gotten older. that's something that my dad did for me. my dad is not a coach by trade, but he coached me at the younger ages. And I thought the best thing he ever did is, you know, I was, I excelled in basketball at an early age and he wouldn't let that be, you know,
Kolby Paxton (15:05.574)
that's awesome. Can you tell me about that?
Kolby Paxton (15:17.454)
Mm -hmm.
Alexa Keckler (15:32.422)
inflate my ego, he would take me into the inner city, he would drop me off at places where I wasn't gonna excel and let me see all of it. So we've tried to coach our kids at a young age, mainly just to protect like the fun part of it. You know, the one thing from a negative standpoint we've seen with youth coaches is they can be too into it and you can scare kids off. And we definitely are not, when we coach at the youth sports, it's...
what we do, it's our profession and our careers, but when we coach youth sports, we just want the kids to continue to play. More than anything, we just want them to have fun with it. So we've tried to do it at the youth ages, and then once they've moved into middle school and high school, we've passed them off to their coaches. And I hope we continue to do that. Yeah, it's definitely a, I don't know, I think it's been a pretty, just amazing opportunity to be in the gym with the kids.
in particular, it's helped out from a scheduling standpoint, because when you are the coach, you do have a little bit of control over when they practice, where they practice. So there's been, there's definitely, you know, this might be the, you know, the underlying tone to some of the coaching, but it does make a big difference. but I would echo it, but what Darryl said, you know, I think it's just so important that at that younger age that they are seeing what the sport is about and not being pushed so hard at that young age to, to be the.
the starting kid, the perfect player, you know, and there's so much pressure sometimes putting on children by their parents, you know, that we really want to be in there and teach them the game, but also show them that this is an amazing sport. This is what we chose to do for our profession and make sure that they have a lot of fun. But after, I don't know, after 14, they got to go handle different coaching styles and get pressed in different ways. So they learn how to survive in the real world.
Kolby Paxton (17:19.118)
Yeah, so I have a I have a son who will be four and I'm a rookie. I'm not a veteran like like you to have a son who will be four in August. We had a daughter a week ago. So it's ridiculous. But still my my thought process always goes to you know, for example, my son, I have successfully indoctrinated him to baseball football, which were my loves growing up to this point. He will play baseball with soft.
soft bat, soft ball, but he'll play in the house, in the hallway. And he wants to hit a home run every time when, you know, when he swings and misses, he's very displeased about that result. But I want to support him in every way, right? We go to, we live 15 minutes from the ballpark in Arlington. We go to Texas Ranger games and we have a blast doing it, but I can't help but think ahead about how I can go about continually supporting.
his love for whether it's baseball, football, basketball, soccer, whatever it is, I want to be supportive. But I want to guard against burnout. And I feel like that's probably a pretty difficult needle to thread. And I don't know of any two people that can speak to it better than the two of you. How have you gone about and you alluded to it just a second ago, Alexa, but how have you gone about supporting your children and their pursuit of their passions without burning them out just because they're always around it?
Alexa Keckler (18:46.246)
Yeah, I mean, one of the things that I feel like I've seen when players get to us at 18 is their identity is solely their sport. So they have been pushed at it so much that anytime something doesn't go their way, they just feel as though they are failing at life. And so I think we've learned from that perspective, we want our children to know that their value is not in them as an athlete, their value is in them as individuals, as people, as...
you know, caring, you know, smart, funny. And so, you know, if, if I think that the greatest thing that I feel that we've done a good job at is we've never forced anything upon them. They want to play, they want to play. They want to try the violin, go play the violin. That'd be awesome. Let's see how you do at it. Right? Like we want them to explore and, and have a passion for what they're doing. If we're forcing that on them, they're not making that choice. We're making that. So I think from our perspective, it is trying to value them for who they are, not
what they do all the time and making sure that if they have a bad day at practice, okay, you had a bad day. That doesn't make you a bad player. That doesn't make you a bad person. So really helping them to separate their identity from being the athlete or the performer and who they are as an individual, I think is really helpful. And it has been difficult, Colby. And we're still, we're juggling it like crazy all the time. And we don't know that the routes that we choose are the right routes. It's just right for us in the moment when we work together on it.
Because there are times where we're like, man, maybe our kids would be a little better if we pushed them harder or if we did this a little bit more. But again, we always choose the relationship of parent child over can I make this kid a better athlete? And that's just the approach that we've always taken. And it's been interesting because our oldest daughter was a borderline division one athlete. Our next three are all pretty good. And it is one of those things where it's like, man, if they really want it.
We hate to hold them back if we could help them get there, but we don't want to do it at the expense of our relationships or making them feel like we're pushing them that way or it's not their decision. So we are always walking that tight rope. And I don't know that we're always good at it. We certainly try to be, but man, what you're talking about is, is I think every parent's dilemma, you know, the ones that we could care, right? Like if they, if your kids love it, you want to give them every opportunity to be great.
Kolby Paxton (21:03.63)
Right.
Alexa Keckler (21:11.622)
But man, what cost, right? Like that's the difficult part.
Kolby Paxton (21:15.406)
Yeah, well, I'll get back to you in about, I don't know, five, six years, let you know how it's going. What do you, I mean, my niece plays club volleyball, loves it, loves it. She specializes though, and she was a decent basketball player, you know, as a kid. And at a point it became, at least the implication was that it was pretty crucial to her development that...
Alexa Keckler (21:21.83)
Thank you.
Kolby Paxton (21:40.718)
that she focused on volleyball if that was something that she wanted to do. I've heard similar stories about baseball, basketball, lived experience of my own. What is your viewpoint on A, playing multiple, we can, I mean, all your kids play multiple sports. I think we can guess how you feel about a multi -sport athlete versus specialization, but, you know, relative to the travel team, the club space and basketball and volleyball in particular, you could put your...
college head coach hat on, put your parent hat on, but in general, what do you like about it? What do you not like about it? You know, from both of those perspectives.
Alexa Keckler (22:22.726)
I mean, I would probably say, I think the thing I like most about it is it provides them with so many different experiences. number one, their training, their cross training. So they're getting different from a, from, okay, from a coach's perspective, they're definitely getting cross -trained, right? They're, they're not pounding the same things all of the time. Their time management skills are usually impeccable, right? Because they've had to, to juggle, you know, a high school sport and a club sport. And if they're good academically, they're taking APs or honors courses. It's really awesome to be able to see that.
And in a lot of cases, they play different roles. So they might be really great in one team and maybe just a sub or role player in another. And they've started to recognize and not always the star, but I can learn to be both. I can learn to be a great leader or accept those things. I think from a parent perspective, you know, sometimes, you know, our oldest, like Olivia wouldn't have a day off. Literally in basketball season, you know, she would not have a day off.
at all a week. I mean, on Sundays they'd have off basketball, but that would be one of her club volleyball practice days or she would play in the morning wave for volleyball and drive two hours to get to her basketball practice and then drive back to finish out a tournament. So, but she was so committed to both of them and you know, had coaches that were willing to, to work with her to allow her to play both that, you know, I think she benefited greatly from being able to do that. You know, and, but I also look back on my college experience and you
or high school experience, you referenced a little bit of things you had to go through. You know, I remember getting a phone call back when we used house phones. I don't know if you know about this Colby that this happened back in the day. I don't know if you're old enough for this, but someone called your house and said he was attached to a wall. But I remember in something like springtime answering the phone when I'm 15 years old and the guy says, Hey, I coach for the XYZ AAU program. Do you want to play for us? And I knew who they were. And I'm like, yeah, coach, thank you for the call. I really want to play. He says, well, I hear you play baseball.
Kolby Paxton (23:59.262)
huh. huh.
Alexa Keckler (24:17.99)
I do, he says, well, you got to quit baseball right now. And I'm 15 years old, I love baseball, but he's saying, if you want to be a division one basketball player, you can't play 50 games of baseball in the summer, you got to be in the gym. So I said, okay, coach, I'm done with baseball right now, wins practice, hang up. Well, when I told my dad that, you would have thought that I, you know, the dog died, right? Like he's face dropped, like, what do you mean you don't play baseball anymore? And luckily, you know, we were able to work around it and I still continue to do that. But to have those conversations with kids at 14, 15 years old.
I don't know that that's healthy, right? Like their passion may be in something that they're not great at at the moment. And I think that's the hardest part. And I certainly see it from the recruiting standpoint, mainly from Alexa. She recruits kids at an earlier age than I have to. And to watch her have recruiting calls with kids at 15, trying to figure out where they're gonna go to college is outrageous to me. It's part of the business, but man.
They haven't even figured out what passion is yet and how much they really love something. They're just doing what they think they're supposed to do. And I think that's the hardest part is making kids have to make those decisions because of what they think they want. And that's the one part I think is a real negative in the recruiting process these days.
Kolby Paxton (25:18.734)
Yeah.
Kolby Paxton (25:32.366)
Yeah, I mean, I'm glad that I'm glad you told that anecdote because I think that that is something that should be amplified. You know, when a kid is 14, 15 years old, maybe they realize that maybe they don't. But man, a lot of these club team, travel team coaches have a lot of influence on not just the next three, four months, but the next three, four years or 30 to 40 years, depending on what career choice they end up making in that moment. And a lot of it can just come down to
You know, I'm going to play football because, you know, 10 ,000 people show up to watch us play on a Friday night, whereas 15 show up to watch the baseball games, right? Which is not a good reason to make a decision like that. But when you're 15 years old, it's, I just, as a parent, how involved were you all? I mean, I, again, I think I know the answer to this just because I've gotten to know the two of you over the course of this conversation, but how, I'll ask a different way.
How involved should parents be? And again, kind of back to my question on how to balance support and influence up against, you know, being commandeering and burning your kid out. But how involved do you think parents should be in those discussions and conversations about specializing at, you know, college 14, 15 years old?
Alexa Keckler (26:54.086)
Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, I think I don't know there's a right answer to this one, man. Like I really don't. But I will say this. I think parents are more educated now than they've ever been. They're educated on the recruiting process because everything's public now and the Internet is such a valuable resource to them. I think that club coaches, there's a power struggle between the club coaches, the high school coaches, the parents who's really in charge of this kid's future.
And the reality of it is the ones who are in the best situations are the ones that can collaborate together and work for the kids best interest. And I think the parents role in this should be really vetting the coaches, not buying into, you know, what they're being sold on social media or what they're being told on what a club coach is going to do for them, but really vetting who has their, their young person's best interest in mind. And that may be that that kid has to miss a club tournament every now and then.
because a kid really cares about their high school, their high school team. And I think when you find coaches that are, you know, so bent on like needing things tilted their way, I don't think that's a good environment for these kids to be in. And I think that's dangerous, right? Cause some parents just see like which one's going to give me the scholarship, which one's going to save us the money, which one's going to open the doors for my kids that they buy that, that salesman spiel sometimes. It's a tough process, but I think that's where the parents should be involved is really vetting.
Okay, what do you want for my kid? And seeing who has the right answers on that. That'd be my recommendation. But again, that doesn't make it right, man. No, no. And the expectations sometimes are just so unrealistic, you know, and going back to just, again, what Daryl said, I think that it's not about how many kids you can get committed. It shouldn't be about how much, you know...
gear you're gonna walk into on day one of your season or whether there's a Starbucks in every one of the dorms or not, but like, what is the best in the best interest of my kid? And I think sometimes the parents, if they've not been an athlete of any sort, they get wowed in that as much as the kid is by seeing all of this. And I think ultimately it is going back to what is the most important thing for my child? Where...
Kolby Paxton (29:03.758)
Yeah.
Alexa Keckler (29:11.59)
where can I help guide them? Not don't have to make their decision for them. Where can I help guide them in making sure that their best interest is being looked at, you know, at the forefront and not, well now they can get seven kids to go Division One off the team when really those seven kids are going to end up in the transfer portal, you know.
six months after they get there. Or they transfer because they don't even have the major. There's so many different things to take into perspective. And I just think we get sometimes as humans, we just get caught up in all of the amazing, tangible things that we think we're getting and we forget about what really is most important at heart. And I'm going to give you my parents' perspective on this Colby. The pricing is outrageous. The amount of money you have to pay to play club sports these days is nuts.
And to think that a parent's not gonna want return on that investment, that's where these club coaches are getting themselves in trouble is like the money grab is so much. And then it's like, well, these parents mad that their kid didn't get scholarships. They just paid for college. If they had just invested all of that money that they did for club volleyball over the last four years, they could have paid for their kid to go to any school they wanted to. It really has gotten to that point.
Kolby Paxton (30:19.342)
Yeah, right.
Kolby Paxton (30:24.654)
In terms of Y 'all that was that was perfect first of all really really appreciate the insight and again like that's why like the two of you are perfect for a conversation like this because that's insight that the majority of parents are not just not gonna have and not gonna have access to so Appreciate you both being candid and transparent about that. I thought that was wonderful Taking a step back toward like the positive side being an athlete
Alexa Keckler (30:31.046)
Thank you.
Kolby Paxton (30:53.358)
This whole idea for me really started with the question that I get asked about whether or not I'll let my son play football because football is predominantly in my background. And obviously the PR for the sport has not been super great over the last decade or more in terms of safety. So I get asked the question based on that. I'm not going to go through the full long winded answer of, of, you know, my, how I respond, but ultimately the answer is yes, but not just football, baseball, basketball, again, whatever he wants to play.
The answer is yes, but it's not yes for the reasons that I think a lot of folks would think. It's yes because of all the lessons and just personal growth that I experienced as a teenager and into college by virtue of being in a locker room and by virtue of being around leaders of men and women like the two of you. So all to say my question for you is, what do you want your
both your players at Lehigh and Moravian respectively, but also your children, in terms of qualities and skills that you hope will be instilled in them through being on these teams, what skills, what qualities stand out to you as the big ones that are motivators for you and being a part of sports for as long as you have.
Alexa Keckler (32:17.542)
You know, I'm getting the nod, I think. I think for us, I love the fact that they are having to work hard towards something. So I want them to learn how to earn their playing time, how to earn the respect of others, how to put forth, you know, their energy and time to achieve something that they're interested in, to achieve something that they are passionate about. And I think that is really...
tool piece to see athletes be able to learn and show during their growth. I also think just from our perspective, we both coach team sports and it is really awesome to recognize when it clicks that it is not about me, it's something bigger than me and I'm a part of it and my role is important regardless of whether it's, you know, three rotations, 30 seconds on the court or whether I'm playing the whole way around or all the minutes, you know, that I am
part of something bigger and I'm more self -aware of who I am, who's around me and how my actions impact others. And I think that as a parent, we talk about that all the time to our kids. It's not just about you. There are others that are around you. Your attitude, your comments, your lack of doing something, that impacts everybody around you. It is important to know how...
powerful you can be in a room, how powerful you can be when you make a statement positive or negative. And I think that's the same thing that I know in our program we talk about is, you know, like that energy, that, that those, those comments, those actions, how they impact others for good and bad and to be able to learn that and how much power you can have in the right way. Yeah. And a lot of that's, you know, going to be similar for me, but I definitely think teaching our kids and our players.
You know, and I learned this playing football and I didn't always love playing football and Kobe, you alluded to it. I'm from Nashville, Tennessee, that area. There were 10, 12 ,000 people at games and I happened to be the quarterback. Like I love to be in the quarterback of a high school football team in the South. Like that was a lot of fun for me, but I hated practices. I hated walking into the locker room that smelled terrible with 100 sweaty dudes in it, right? Like that just wasn't always my cup of tea.
Alexa Keckler (34:38.918)
But I loved the role that I got on a Friday night. I loved wearing the jersey and leading the pep rallies and doing all that stuff as the quarterback. But man, when we went to the Oklahoma drills and all that stuff, like I was one of those, I either hit in the back or jumped on the front, did it one time. So everyone knew I did it and they never wanted to do it again, right? Like, but I learned that you had to enjoy the work regardless of what the result was going to be. And I think in society, we've lost sight of that, right? So, so often now kids only want to start the journey.
Kolby Paxton (34:53.134)
Yup.
Alexa Keckler (35:08.902)
if they know they're going to get the result they want in the end. And I think when you play team sports, you got to try to get your playing time. You want to score the points. You want to be on the floor. But if you don't love every day at practice, regardless whether or not you get to play, you should go invest your time somewhere else. And that's something that we're trying to teach our kids is, hey, only do this if you really care about it. Don't do it just to get the wins. Don't do it just to, you know, don't just buy the lottery ticket only if you think you're going to win.
Because like majority of people don't get the wins. You got to love everything about it. Even if the losses and the heartbreak comes with it. That's when, if you let yourself be guided by that, then you'll be successful. Whether that's in the business world, whether that's professionally, whether that's with, you know, who you pursue as a spouse. Like you've got to love the good and the bad in it. And that's what we try to teach our kids. And it's not about, you know, I don't look back and remember I was fortunate in college. I hit a bunch of big shots down the stretch.
I don't think back on those when I missed my college playing days. I think back on the days we worked out at 545 in the morning, we came back at three and we were exhausted at the end of it. I remember those times more than any, sitting in front of my locker thinking like, man, we really went hard today. Those are the times I miss the most. And I think that's why I'm still riding three hour bus trips and going to places that my family's never heard of. We're playing like Juniata, my family still calls it Huniita or something like that. They don't even know that.
Kolby Paxton (36:31.502)
Hahaha.
Alexa Keckler (36:35.718)
But like I'm still addicted to it. And the same with Alexa, and that's why we're still doing this, you know? And that's what we're trying to show our kids is like, you know, there's things to be passionate about and that's how you choose your course in life.
Kolby Paxton (36:48.43)
Yeah, I think, yeah, I agree with everything you said. I think the beauty is in the journey, not the destination. And if the focus is on the destination, even if you get where you wanted to go, it's kind of empty. If the focus wasn't on the process, how early, I mean, you've done it four times over, right? How early is too early or when is the right time to start?
teaching your children to be process oriented rather than being results oriented.
Alexa Keckler (37:27.558)
I mean, I would say, I think it starts as early as you can, you know? We, I don't know, we've tapped on so many things over the years and sometimes, you know, we just laugh and feel like it's two different lifetimes of parenting with our kids. But, you know, I can remember like setting up chores and even now, you know, we have, we're like, hey, these are all the things that need to be done this week. And they all fight over what they want to do. But our oldest...
will not let anyone else fold the clothes because they don't fold the laundry neatly in the way that I would fold it or she would fold it. And I keep trying to say that's how you got good at it. It's because we just kept letting you do it until you figured it out. And so I think that's like a funny thing for her. She hasn't learned that. So she takes that to her all the time because she doesn't want, you know, the wrong clothes in her room or she doesn't want them messed up and she has to fold them again. So I just think early on it was.
No, like it's someone collect the trash and if they got them all, they got it all. If they didn't, they didn't. Like it was teaching them and then saying, okay, like, let's see if we can be a little bit better next time we forgot this one or, you know, trying to help them do that. But I think the earlier you can go with this is how we want it done and not necessarily all about, you know, the results of it, but just also just teach them to keep working at it, keep working at it, keep working at it is kind of fun. And if I've learned anything in this school,
One blueprint that worked does not work with the next kid, right? Like every, there's not one blueprint that works for all of them and it just clicks. Like every personality is different, whether that's our players, whether it's our kids, like just cause it worked with one kid does not mean it'll work with the other. And you certainly have to continue to play with that and be flexible. And, and that part's probably the wildest thing that we've learned. And we've also been fortunate to coach at different schools and it's been the same way in our coaching careers. Just cause it worked in one place doesn't mean it's going to work at the next.
That's probably helped us with our kids and vice versa.
Kolby Paxton (39:19.694)
Daryl and Alexa Keckler, you both have been absolutely wonderful. Can't thank you enough. This has been great, really appreciate it. Wishing the best of luck at Moravian and Lehigh respectively in the 24, 25 season. And we'd love to have you back on because I feel like we could have done this for a couple, or I could have done this for a couple of hours. I'm sure you got other stuff to do.
Alexa Keckler (39:43.91)
Well, thank you so much for having us here. We're super excited this week, getting ready for it, and we appreciate the time. Yeah, thank you very much.