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Swipe Right: This is the One About Our Souls
Sermons from Commons Church. Intellectually honest. Spiritually passionate. Jesus at the centre. Since 2014.
And you know what else is true? The details of our intimate past or your personal decisions or your complex relationships aren't really the business of strangers.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the commons cast. We're glad to have you here. We hope you find something meaningful in our teaching this week. Head to commons.church for more information.
Speaker 1:To be not so good? I mean, this was a week, wasn't it? It was a lot, but you made it. I actually have a number of people in my life who have a really hard time with January. And it turns out that is actually super normal.
Speaker 1:There's even a date on the calendar to honor our post Christmas blues. It's called Blue Monday, and this year, it's on January 20, and that is tomorrow, people. The Internet calls Blue Monday the most depressing day of the year. And maybe you're thinking, oh my gosh, Bobby. Like, what a bummer of a way to begin today.
Speaker 1:And I hear you. I really do. But if you have a case of the Januaries, let me say, please take good care of yourself the rest of this month. I mean, we are past the halfway point, but there is still some time to go, and I know you can do this. But let me also say, do we have a series for you?
Speaker 1:We started the new year with our steamiest teaching series, swipe right, and maybe just maybe it's been warming you up. Today is part three of three in our series, Swipe Right. And while the series isn't necessarily about Tinder or Bumble or the always changing world of online dating, we are taking some time at the start of a year to consider our lives as sexual beings. So whether you've been married forty years or you spent the week going on 10 Tinder dates or you just celebrated your fourth wedding anniversary. Hey, oh.
Speaker 1:That's me. How we live in our bodies and how we live in our most intimate relationships is spiritual. And yes, this includes those of us who aren't really keen on partnership at all. Maybe you're kind of post partnership, and life is actually pretty good that way. Maybe it's just been hard to date, and you're not really sure that you need the trouble.
Speaker 1:And maybe things just haven't gone how you want them in the romantic department. It is all fine. We are not elevating a certain view of family or marriage or bodies, nor are we trying to tell you how far is too far or who should put what body part in another person's body. What we're interested in is human flourishing and the sacred spaces between us and the ways God is present in our thirst for more. Because our sexuality and our sex lives are not just places where we are wounded.
Speaker 1:Our sexuality and our sex lives are places where we are healed. So we started the series talking about brains. Then we talked about bodies. And today, I'm talking about the soul. And I'm calling this sermon Bumble for the soul.
Speaker 1:And if you don't know, Bumble is the dating app built for women to make the first move. It wasn't around when I did some online dating, but I really wish that it had been. But of course, enough about my own dating past. Today, we are talking about our souls, and we will explore distance and difference, all our sexy crushes, call the prophet, and soul satisfaction. But before we dive in, please join me in prayer.
Speaker 1:Loving God, We name the fact that some of us have a really tricky time with sex. Maybe we carry some unrealized longing. Maybe sex just hasn't been that great for us. Maybe we even hold some trauma or pain, and it makes us feel scared and alone and sad. Thank you that you are not distant from our sex lives.
Speaker 1:We can turn toward the mysterious ways that you welcome our learning. God, you trust us with our own story, and you hope for wholeness in our bodies, in our brains, in our souls. Jesus, you show us what it means to be human and what it means to meet the divine in our own skin and maybe even in the skin of another. So spirit, won't you guide us towards a more healed and a more whole sexuality with hope and great care? We pray.
Speaker 1:Amen. So I wanna start by telling you what Lamar Jackson means to my marriage. That's right. I am married to a man who loves sports. But guess what, you guys?
Speaker 1:I hate sports. I mean, maybe that's a little bit of an overstatement. Of course, if you play a sport, I care about your sport. But usually, I could not tell you what team I cheer for because I don't care. And then I married a real sports fan.
Speaker 1:And this past fall and winter, I have heard a lot, a lot about Lamar Jackson. And you know what? I've loved it. Lamar Jackson is the quarterback of the Baltimore Ravens. And when my husband Jonathan talks about Lamar Jackson, there are little pink hearts in his sports eyes.
Speaker 1:And over the course of our Lamar dialogues, I've learned about Jackson's poise and presence in the pocket. I have learned that Lamar Jackson won the Heisman trophy in his sophomore year in college and then got even better after that. I've even learned some stats, which I'll spare you. But you know what? I had no idea.
Speaker 1:I cared so much about Lamar Jackson until a few weeks ago when Jonathan and I were in San Francisco, and I walked by a group of college aged guys, and I heard, blah blah blah, Lamar Jackson, and my heart skipped a beat. Even when I'm just listening to Jonathan talk about Lamar Jackson, we are strengthening our intimacy. Dialogue is strength in intimacy. It's how all of that stuff that we care about inside finds its way out and into the heart of another. And today, we look at this intimate dialogue between Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well.
Speaker 1:So let's just get to the conversation. We're in John chapter four, and Jesus is getting into trouble with the religious establishment in Judea. So he leaves Judea and on his way back to Galilee goes through Samaria. Now we're told in the passage that Jesus had to go through Samaria, and it's not exactly true. There were two ways to go from Judea to Galilee.
Speaker 1:One, through Samaria and the other by crossing over to the other side of the Jordan. And Jewish travelers typically avoided Samaria and took the Jordan route. So what's the deal with Samaria? Well, Jews didn't like Samaritans and Samaritans didn't like Jews. They had similar but distinct histories and similar but different holy sites.
Speaker 1:In fact, in the century before Jesus, Jews destroyed the Samaritan temple on Mount Gerizim. So that sucked for Samaritans. But then in June, Samaritans snuck into the temple in Jerusalem and scattered human bones. So that sucked for Jews. The fact that Jesus is compelled to go through Samaria is making a point.
Speaker 1:The point isn't geographical or historical. The point is theological. The story is meant to convey something about God. How the divine skips borders and denies boundaries. How God will speak with whomever God wants to speak.
Speaker 1:So let's hear the story. In the middle of a hot, dry day, Jesus is weary from his journey, so he sits down by a well in Samaria. Now folks familiar with the Hebrew scriptures would know that the scene of a well is a big deal in Jewish narrative. Wells are where boy meets girl. Think Isaac and Rebecca.
Speaker 1:Think Jacob and Rachel. Think Moses and Zipporah. So we've got some kind of boy meets girl scene here, only it verges on offensive, like Jewish boys don't meet Samaritan girls. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, will you give me a drink? The disciple the disciples had gone into the town to buy food.
Speaker 1:The Samaritan woman said to him, you are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink? For Jews do not associate with Samaritans. Jesus answered her, if you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water. Now for centuries, commentators have read the Samaritan woman as a woman with corrupt morality or a woman without the theological fortitude to have the kind of conversation Jesus wants to engage her in.
Speaker 1:And you know what? This is garbage. And we are going to push against this loose woman interpretation in verse 17. But let's be clear about our location in the scriptures first. Time and time again in the gospel of John, the writer draws us to divine and human exchange that centers on mutuality.
Speaker 1:The sharing of blessing and bounty and whatever we need for the journey. And somehow that sharing goes both ways. Throughout the dialogue, we will see Jesus close the distance on difference. It's like Jesus is saying, oh, women and men shouldn't speak in private? Watch this.
Speaker 1:Oh, Jews and Samaritans hate each other? Yeah. I don't play like that. Oh, you think some people exhaust grace? Not even possible.
Speaker 1:It is in the space between this woman and Jesus that we see the mutuality of God, and that mutuality insists on closeness. And do you know what God's closeness looks like here? Need, thirst, gift, metaphor, conversation, inquiry. Jesus's presence does not dominate this woman. He doesn't reduce her or diminish her.
Speaker 1:She has allowed her questions. She's given all this space to process the encounter. But Jesus and the woman, they are not on the same page immediately. And it's going to take some real work to get close. And this feels so real to me because I have never found relationships to be easy.
Speaker 1:Relationships aren't easy, They aren't meant to be. They take work. You have to break a sweat to cross distance and difference. There are no shortcuts to intimacy and nearness. But curious dialogue can begin to close the distance on difference.
Speaker 1:But, like, how much difference is too much difference? Like, are there spaces that are just too great to cross? I mean, should you date someone who isn't a Christian? Should you support that for others? What happens if you do marry someone who is a Christian and years later, he or she changes his or her mind about faith?
Speaker 1:Because that can happen. What about that? And how do you know when your sexual proclivities are right for you or right for the person that you are with? As a pastor, people ask me these questions all the time, and I always have all of the answers. Right.
Speaker 1:You know that. You know I'm kidding. But I do think about this stuff a lot. I once knew of a of a rabbi in Vancouver who used to bless mixed faith couples in synagogue, Jews and Christians forming family, Jews and atheists confirming partnerships. And you know what she said about these bonds?
Speaker 1:She said that if we can figure out how to love across religious differences in our families, then there just might be hope for peace in our world. Now, I am not saying that you have to agree with her or want interfaith relationships for yourself or your kids. But let me tell you, I have never stopped thinking about forming family like that. Because one of the most rewarding things in life is love that crosses distance and difference. Like intimacy, you have to work so hard for.
Speaker 1:Dialogue that doesn't skip what's important to the ones you love because sometimes taking the path of Lamar Jackson leads straight to the one that I love. And I think that's where Jesus' metaphor of living water comes from because we are so thirsty for so much more than water. We are thirsty for meaningful connection that makes us feel alive. And we are thirsty to be seen and known and cherished at the deepest level. And we are thirsty to be enjoyed for who we really are.
Speaker 1:No hiding, no denying, no pretending. And here's the deal, there is no way that we can quench thirst like that with just a quick drink of water from an old well. But as intimate as this conversation between Jesus and the woman will get, there's no make out scene here. What we do get is holy intimacy that we can learn from. So after Jesus and the woman have this dialogue and they move closer to one another, The woman probes, sir, you have nothing to draw water and the well is just too deep.
Speaker 1:I mean, here, she thinks Jesus is referring to this spring that's below the well. She thinks that the natural spring is the supernatural water, which is actually a pretty good take. But then she insists there's no way that a dusty man tired from a journey could be greater than Jacob. Like patriarch Jacob who gave the well and used the well and found the well to be sufficient for his sons and his livestock. So Jesus takes the metaphor further.
Speaker 1:He responds, everyone who drinks this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks the water I provide will never thirst. And more the water I give will become a part of your inner life, a spring inside you welling up to eternal life. And the woman says, I want that. Like, I want that water. I don't want to haul this water from the well anymore.
Speaker 1:It is hot. I am tired. Give me the magical water so I don't have to come here in the middle of the day alone. Now, it sounds kinda woo woo, but Jesus isn't making this stuff up. Jesus draws the metaphor from Judaism.
Speaker 1:And in Judaism, the wisdom of God can be thought of as a spring dispensing peace to all humankind. Then another way to pick up what he is putting down is to think about these words, eternal life. While ancient Jewish tradition had no coherent belief in life after death, the gospel of John has this unique understanding of eternal life. John's gospel, of course, supports the resurrection life Jesus offers, but the emphasis throughout the gospel is on eternal life in the present. So if salvation means being rescued from danger and brought into the kingdom and restored to health, then salvation is not just something that we are reaching for in the afterlife.
Speaker 1:Eternal life is the fullness of life now. It's feeling safe and being made whole and knowing that you belong here now, together. I mean, what more could your soul want? And speaking of the soul, way back in ancient philosophy, people thought there was this clear division between skin and spirit and the physical and the spiritual. And in this traditional duality, the body and the soul are separate and of course, the soul is thought of as superior.
Speaker 1:But over time, Christian thinkers began to question the division. Biblical scholars made the case that there is no distinction between matter and mind and the divine in the world. And since the seventeenth century, neuroscience has demonstrated the interrelatedness of the physical and psychological occurrences. Theologian Joel Green makes this affirmation. Taken as a whole, the biblical witness affirms the human being as a biological, psychological, spiritual unity.
Speaker 1:And here's where I'm going with this. We tend to cut up the whole to master it. I mean, I just did that this morning with my orange. I cut it up, mastered it. But when we do this with individuals, we reduce a person to a part of their whole.
Speaker 1:We also have a tendency to do this in relationships. We divide up relationships all the time, keep them separate. I want this kind of friendship with this person. I want this kind of intimacy with this person. I want this kind of hook up with this person.
Speaker 1:And we pedal a smaller humanity when we divide it up. What if God's love for us flows through all relationships? And when we put our relationships together, we begin to find ourselves whole. I mean, I am absolutely healed and saved in my marriage with Jonathan. Our intimacy makes me more whole.
Speaker 1:But I need more than him. And you need more than a lover too. You need multiple conversation partners. You need people who get your jokes. You need colleagues and bosses who respect you.
Speaker 1:You need mentors, young people who look up to you. You need adversaries to sharpen and tame you. You are going to see beauty and attractiveness in more people than just your partner. And you will have friendships that have nothing to do with your faith, and you are welcome to learn from people you aren't trying to change. Every interaction, every spark of connection, every intimate exchange holds some potential to heal you.
Speaker 1:But there is a warning here too. If you need more than a person can give you, more from that person than they can give you. If turning towards a person means the betrayal of another, an exciting connection means turning away from your honest self, then there is more work to be done in your soul. There is likely a hidden part of yourself you need to look at in the light of day. So back in our story, there's this deeper complexity to the woman revealed at the well.
Speaker 1:Jesus told her, go call your husband and come back. I have no husband, she replied. Jesus said to her, you are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is you have had five husbands, and the man you now live with is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.
Speaker 1:Now, it's important to notice what Jesus does not say. He does not say that the woman has been divorced five times. There is no evidence of anyone in the ancient world being divorced five times. And a man would not marry a convicted adulteress without a significant fortune to her name. It's more likely that tragic loss has landed her in her current state.
Speaker 1:Death of husbands, maybe no dowry to form this sixth marriage, maybe the sixth partner is already married, so her status is similar to a concubine. Whatever the cause, her situation simply does not translate as living in sin or shacking up. Add to that another thing Jesus does not do here. He does not offer to forgive her. There's no rebuke, no condemnation, no shame.
Speaker 1:The woman is not the one who needs forgiveness here. For centuries, men have interpreted the woman's story as if her life was marked by some gross impropriety. But the truth is that she has little to no agency when it comes to her marital status. So when this woman shows up at a well alone, because her history maybe makes it hard for her to be around others, Jesus meets her right where she is. You can be so close to God even when your story is hard for others to understand.
Speaker 1:You know that. Right? And you know what else is true? The details of our intimate past or your personal decisions or your complex relationships aren't really the business of strangers, but they are always the business of God. And when you welcome Jesus as company into your relationship history, you might notice that the divine does not judge like we do.
Speaker 1:Thankfully, other interpreters see this woman much more clearly. New Testament scholar Lynn Kohick calls the woman an inquisitive religious seeker. And if you read further in the story, you will see that the townspeople actually listen to the woman tell them about Jesus and they trust her. So this story is not concerned with the details of the woman's sexual past. Honestly, they don't come up.
Speaker 1:What does come up is how having Jesus know her past, whatever the details may be, restores her. She says as much when she says his name. The woman says, I can see that you are a prophet. And this one line opens up so much. Several times in the Gospel of John, we are drawn into an important theme that Jesus sees and knows all.
Speaker 1:So in John one, there's this story where Jesus seems to know about this man, Nathaniel, before he even meets him. And in John two, the writer says that Jesus knows what is going on inside inside each person in a Passover crowd. And now in John four, Jesus is called prophet for knowing the particulars of the woman's private past. Here's the thing about a prophet. In the Hebrew scriptures, prophecy is history.
Speaker 1:Prophets are the historical books which tell the events of Israel's past by a person who names the truth. So whether a prophet has a book named after him or a prophet meets a woman at a well or a prophet connects with you in your pew, the work of a prophet is to name the truth about who you are. And you know where else prophets hang out? In therapist's offices, in coffee shops where friends take time to listen, in text messages, and books that remind you who you really are, I believe we convey the prophetic to each other. Anyone who sees your past and helps to move you along in your story toward healing and wholeness is a holy prophet.
Speaker 1:If we hope to fix the broken parts of our sexuality, we need to name the truth for each other. You likely will not hear a voice from heaven telling you how to live your sex life. You have to trust yourself and the holy prophets who love you. There is no other way. So here, let me give it a try.
Speaker 1:Your sexual past does not determine your future, and you can move past. The abuse done to you was never your fault. And you do not need to follow someone else's rules as if God would be so far away from your own soul. If you can't or don't know how to live the truth of your life, please talk to someone. I am not saying that your friend or therapist or pastor will always get it right, but you will know it when they do.
Speaker 1:Like, you will know it with every part of your being. It will be like living water for your soul. So back to the text. The woman said, I know that Messiah called Christ is coming. And when he comes, he will explain everything to us.
Speaker 1:Then Jesus declared, I, the one speaking to you, I am he. Like, what a mic drop moment. It's like finally, they're there and they're standing face to face. Now you may not have noticed an interesting progression in the text, but let me point it out. At first, the woman calls Jesus a Jew, highlighting their differences.
Speaker 1:Then she calls him sir as the distance between them dissolves. Next, she declares him a prophet. It's this leap of intimacy when she feels seen. Finally finally, she wonders if he might be messiah. Like, just transcending their human interaction.
Speaker 1:And I love I love the freedom that she has to find her own way. Could anything be more satisfying? And she is so moved that she leaves her water jug behind, and she bumbles her way into town saying, come and see a man who told me everything I ever did. Jesus doesn't force her to stay by the well until she fully grasps who he is. And I imagine her running and him laughing and the disciples returning from town stupefied to find themselves in the wake of an encounter like this.
Speaker 1:It's like their chemistry is still sparking in the air. I mean, maybe it's not sexual, but it's not not sexual. Because the sexual is always about our inner lives. The work of the soul is so sexy. You can be single and chaste and still so sexy.
Speaker 1:The sex ship may have sailed for you, and your ability to connect to others and your own existence in the world is sexy. And you can do it two times a week with your partner of fifteen years and still find ways to heal each other in the bedroom. That is sexy. The point isn't to become a sex god or get everything you think you want. The point is to find in your sexuality something that reaches into your own soul, into the deepest part of who you are.
Speaker 1:And then, when you get there, to find God is waiting for you right there too. In the middle of a hot day, when you thought you were alone, someone might ask you for a drink, and your soul will finally feel safe and in love, and maybe even met by another. Please join me in prayer. Loving God, what a gift it is to be people, bodies, brains, and souls, open to so much pleasure. We know our vulnerability in this place too.
Speaker 1:Nakedness, fantasy, longing. Are all here in our sacred human experience, and God, you love us for it. For those of us who want more healing and more wholeness and more joy in this part of our lives, Won't you invite us into these sacred spaces? May our imaginations be renewed and healed as we live in the world that you have made with such great care for creation. God, will you help us to be good, gentle, attentive lovers?
Speaker 1:Will you help us to be clear, compassionate, patient partners? And if we are still waiting for encounter that could bring some of this to life, will you show us the way? Spirit of the living God, present with us now, Enter the places of our longing, our woundedness, our desire, and heal us of all that harms us. Amen.