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THE podcast for navigating all things midlife with honesty, humor, and heart
Heidi (00:11)
Welcome to the Evolving Together Podcast. I'm your host, Heidi Sexton, and this is the podcast for navigating all the things that happen in midlife with honesty, humor, and heart. If you haven't already figured this out for yourself or you're watching somebody you love transform into someone different, I'll tell you midlife is massive for transformations, rebirths, and reinventions. At times it can feel like each week, or even each day.
You're being thrown another curveball, or what I like to call an opportunity to examine what's working in your life and what isn't, so you can choose how to move forward. Whether your rebirth is small, like a new hairstyle or color, which isn't all that small to be honest, or a total career shift or relationship ending or beginning, by the end of our conversation today, I hope you feel inspired and empowered to honor your inner voice that's inside of you that's been asking to be seen.
Today I have the one and only Jaimee Dorris with me. If you live on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, you definitely know exactly who I'm talking about. And if you don't, well, you're in for a treat because you are about to meet her in just a second. Jaimee was the first person I thought of when I wanted to have an honest conversation about reinvention, rebirth, and transitions. She didn't just start embracing transitions in midlife. This is in her DNA. She's embodied the spirit of rebirth and reinvention.
So I wanted to go to the source. I wanted to get behind the scenes of Jaimee, the woman who makes things happen, and see if she'll give us her secret to having many successful and diverse careers, and maybe give us a window into what lights her fire to jet off to new adventures, both personally and professionally. So welcome, Jaimee. Thank you for being on the Baby Evolving Together podcast.
Jaimee Dorris (02:05)
I am so thrilled to be
here. Thank you so much for having me.
Heidi (02:08)
This is exciting. it's it's taken us a minute to get this all together, but we are here. We're happening.
Jaimee Dorris (02:12)
We are. This is the second recording and this is a
a delayed recording because, you know, technology. So we are evolving together, Heidi.
Heidi (02:19)
But that's okay. That's
absolutely and that's what I love about this too, because we were joking before we started is that when we first did this it was back before the podcast even was released. And, you know, it's been like five or six weeks. I'm like, a lot happens in five or six weeks c we can have a whole different conversation today. So
Jaimee Dorris (02:41)
We can and
that was one of my concerns as like today as I was putting on makeup and I was thinking, okay, what did we talk about? Because we recorded together like five weeks ago. And I was like, I'm a different person than I was five weeks ago. How is that? I am I the only one who has that experience or does everyone else feel the same way?
Heidi (02:56)
Ha ha ha.
I don't
know. That's a really good question. I mean, I feel like I'm kind of similar to that because I'm always I'm curious and I love to learn and yeah, I I think we're actually all probably evolving like that on some level, but I think some people kind of fast forward and some people, you know, move more at a like a snail's pace or something like that. But
Jaimee Dorris (03:21)
Okay. Well clearly I'm I'm the jackrabbit of the bunch
I'm like, that's new
Heidi (03:26)
Well that's all the more reason to have you on because you're definitely very inspiring. And ⁓ I I'm not gonna read your bio and go into your bio because it is too freaking long. You've done more things in your forty plus years than most have done in a lifetime. And I I think the best person to share it though would be you. So if you don't mind just kind of giving an overview to the listeners who don't know you, but also the ones that think they know you, because there's probably
some little things in there that they don't know about you.
Jaimee Dorris (03:56)
Interesting.
Yeah. You know, it's probably one of the my least favorite things to do in the world is try to describe myself because ⁓ I typically try to describe myself based upon where the the audience knows me from. So you kind of already brought it up. ⁓ a lot of people, especially on the Gulf Coast, know me from my very last role. So I was an anchor on WLOX for Good Morning Mississippi. But before I was the news lady, I was Mrs. Mississippi American twenty twenty. And before I was Mrs.
Mississippi
I was known as Miss Congeniality because I had my own television show. And that television show it aired both here on the Gulf Coast and in New Orleans, a 30-minute weekly show that I produced and posted myself. Before I was Miss Congeniality, I had a web design business. And I had a web design business for about 12, 13 years, ⁓ sold in 2019. I had upwards of five employees at the very end, designed websites, hundreds.
hundreds of websites for many clients across the coast, across the in the nation and across the world. Before I was that, I was known as Micah's mom because I was big into like mothering in my mid twenties, And before that, I was also known as this is midlife brain. Midlife brain. This is it only what was it?
Heidi (05:13)
Brazil? Something to do with Brazil?
Jaimee Dorris (05:13)
No, no, before that, ⁓
the first lady of Moss Point. The first lady of Moss Point because my former, my ex-husband was the Moss Point mayor. And so I was known as the first lady of Moss Point. But before that, I was known as Miss Brazil because I was an exchange student in Brazil. And so I've had lots of incarnations, lots of chapters, and lots of things that really defined my life. But ultimately, when it comes to the listener today, I hope to be able to inspire them to
Heidi (05:18)
yes yes.
Jaimee Dorris (05:42)
gravitate towards whatever is coming up next for them, whatever their next title is.
Heidi (05:47)
Absolutely, yeah. And see see listeners, that's why I wasn't gonna do the bio because I could not I would have left something out. So and I'm sure there's probably even more filtered in that mix as well. Yeah, micro chapters, yes, I like that because and those micro chapters may have been things I would think that you started and said, nah, this isn't really doesn't feel right for me. But I think you know, I think that's another great thing too, you're not afraid to ⁓ pivot and
Jaimee Dorris (05:58)
There's micro chapters. Those are the big chapters.
Heidi (06:17)
change and just completely move directions. Which speaking of which, so when you left W L O X and that's where a lot of people probably know you from the most because that had the probably the greatest reach I would imagine.
I was shocked and I think a lot of people were shocked 'cause you were killing it. you were the sunshine that we all woke up to and I loved seeing what you were wearing and what you were gonna say. You were hilarious and so honest. I mean you weren't you weren't entertaining us like you weren't trying to be funny.
Jaimee Dorris (06:49)
gotcha.
Heidi (06:49)
Truthful.
Yeah, you're truthful and you're fresh. And I don't see that that genuine joy, I guess, maybe in news So a it was just kind of like, my gosh, she's leaving and so would you kind of take us into your head and like what what made you decide to leave and was it a hard decision? And like you know, I mean there's a lot that probably went into that decision. Did you know what you're gonna do next? I mean, so many questions.
Jaimee Dorris (07:17)
Lot lots of
it. Yeah, lots of it. Okay. So I'll try to answer it all pretty briefly. loved my job. Loved. Loved it. ⁓ did not love the alarm clock. The alarm clock went off at two o'clock in the morning. And if you kind of think about the structure of a day, think about how all those different sacrifices that, you know, you're making on the family and you're making on your health and all these things. So I basically had to weigh it.
First my first contract was three years. So I was coming up at the end and it was time to kind of renew.
I didn't like the alarm clock, and that is ultimately why I decided to not renew a contract. I went, you know what? I getting up at two o'clock in the morning is for the birds. You know, if you do it in your 20s, that sounds great. If you want to do it in your 30s, that's great. for me, and especially as a woman, I could feel not only the changes happening in my body, but I also had actual data.
I had blood work. I'm I'm kind of a health freak. Okay. So I've always been getting my blood work done just to keep up with all the details. And ⁓ I had data from before I took on the job and I was getting up at two o'clock in the morning. I knew like what all my numbers were. And then I had ⁓ gone to the doctor a few times after I had taken the job. And I'm gonna tell you what, numbers had gotten worse. And I just went, I'm very forward thinking. And I went, This isn't.
This isn't going anywhere. Like, you know what I mean? Like this is just going to go downhill because I cannot change what time I'm getting up in the morning and I cannot change anything more in my daily routine. I was already getting in bed at seven o'clock. You know, I was already trying so hard to get eight hours of sleep. And I keep hearing it more and more these days, but I I knew about this a long time ago. And the most important thing anyone can possibly do for their health is sleep.
Heidi (09:05)
Right.
Jaimee Dorris (09:05)
That is the most
important thing you can do. And it and if you need seven or eight hours of sleep, you need to prioritize that. And it's hard to negotiate this world where you're literally signing yourself up for five or six hours of sleep a night every night of the week, so that you can have this glamorous looking job. And I've just always been somebody that's I'm very authentic and I'm very forward thinking with my health.
And I'm like, your health is your wealth. And I personally did not have a plan of what I was going to do next. I did not have a plan. But I didn't, I wasn't worried about it because I've always been able to pivot in my life. I've always had things that just opened up next. And so I just assumed, well, this is God's way of saying, hey, this isn't the right thing anymore. Something new is coming. ⁓ what I didn't expect is that I'm 18 months out and I don't.
Heidi (09:34)
That's what I yeah.
Jaimee Dorris (09:56)
I don't really know what's next. ⁓
Heidi (10:00)
Well that's a g I mean I
I think that's where a lot of people stand most of their lives. They don't really necessarily know what's coming next and then then th the fear sets in. And so that kind of paralyzes everyone feels fear. I used to tell my students, you know, be afraid and then go do it anyway. And so when you I mean, are you afraid? Do you feel like, my God, what's next? Or do you f
Jaimee Dorris (10:11)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I do. I actually feel more fear
now than I think I've ever felt. ⁓ I think I told you before the last time we we did this, ⁓ that my biggest fear has always been a fear of regret. That's always been the f the the fear that would make me jump into something is because I would reg I would I would think that in the future I would regret not doing it. Because I believe that most of the time by the end of somebody's life, they're gonna regret what they didn't do, not what they did for the most part.
Heidi (10:34)
Yeah.
I agree.
Jaimee Dorris (10:54)
⁓
and so I've always kind of had that mindset, but this chapter has been very different for me. It hasn't turned into what I thought. And coming from a very public-focused kind of of role where everyone's looking at you and then everyone wants wants to know what's next, that has added a layer onto it ⁓ that I didn't have prior to that. I was able to kind of pivot without.
Heidi (11:20)
that yeah.
Jaimee Dorris (11:23)
really anybody knowing and anybody really caring, but now there's that little bit of level. And so I think that adds stress to it. But yeah, I'd everyone kept saying, I just know you have a plan. You have a plan. You got something up your sleeve. And I'm like, actually I don't.
Heidi (11:36)
Isn't it kind of wouldn't you say it's kind of like the the author that has the big breakout novel or the the band that has this you know, they have this amazing hit and everyone's like, Well th the next one's gotta be even better and it's like, Well, the pressure, I mean, geeze, it's like, Well, what about maybe just different or you know and that's and l speaking of bands, you know, they'll they'll do a certain sound and then they wanna change it up and like no, no, no, you can't do that because everyone is expecting
Jaimee Dorris (11:50)
yes.
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (12:06)
this this sound or these this type of lyrics or whatever and then they're like, Well, but I'm not feeling that anymore. So yeah.
Jaimee Dorris (12:13)
Yeah, I can't imagine. And look, I mean just
the tiny bit of of success I've had here locally, especially in this like visibility sense, I can't imagine it on a national or international like stage where, like you're saying, there's so much pressure to perform and there's so much pressure to ⁓ stay excellent and and keep doing the right lyrics.
And keep making everybody happy. I mean, like there's a lot of pressure there. And I I you know, I don't know about you, but I mean the whole point of your podcast is, you know, the evolvingness, especially at midlife, of of how you're transforming. And I can feel it. It just seems like every single day there's one more notch of something different. And I'm like, and I I mean, like my girlfriends and I, we've now come up with a code word. And I think this is probably more for women than men, but men may deal with this.
Heidi (12:54)
Yeah. ⁓
Jaimee Dorris (13:03)
And the code word, I'm not gonna tell you what the word is, but I'm gonna tell you what it's for. And that is if one of our behaviors needs some attention. Okay. Because here's the thing. You know, during midlife, we're we're we're we're adjusting. And as women, I think, you know, everyone's noticing that, you're your people pleasing goes down, and maybe you say more of what you think and you just don't care as much anymore. But then, like my friends are like, to an extent.
Heidi (13:07)
Secret.
Ha
ha.
Jaimee Dorris (13:31)
Like,
if you pull out the, my God, we gotta pull out the code word, that means you need some attention.
Heidi (13:37)
That is hilarious. No polyester
pants suits with elastic waistbands, like you know.
Jaimee Dorris (13:42)
Basically, yeah, like we're gonna let
you go feral up until a point, and then we're gonna call the code word of you need some help. but you know, something else I was thinking about as I was preparing for this. I am literally smack dab in the middle of this place where I think a lot of women are in this age range. I'm 44, I'll be 45 in August. ⁓ it's time to maybe start having that conversation about.
Heidi (13:49)
Right. Yeah.
Jaimee Dorris (14:06)
About hormones and and like what needs to be supplemented and where am I at and what's going on. And I definitely think that there is a a purpose for that. I think it's beautiful that we have access to that kind of ⁓ that that medical, you know, ⁓ the the help. I think the science is there. I think we're getting more and more information about perimenopause and information is getting out there. But I think before we jump I think there is
A beauty behind paying attention to what you're experiencing because I think that's where the wisdom is before you medicate it. You know what I'm you does that you understand what I'm saying?
Heidi (14:42)
Yes. ⁓ a hundred yeah, a hundred percent.
A hundred percent because I'm I mean, I'm a health nut too, and we know we've talked about this before
but you have good structure to take care of yourself, like your health, and you prioritize like you were talking about prioritizing sleep and you know, like what kind of rituals I'm I think you have foods that you eat, foods you don't eat. So you're you're tapped into your body and we can go into that more
or two like specifically what what are some of the things that you do and don't do. I'd love to I'd love to hear that. ⁓ but you're right because a lot of the things that are coming up in midlife in the hormones, so you are where I was I'm fifty seven, so do the math well, thirteen years ago. Actually wow. Thirteen years ago I think is when I started perimenopause. I think. And it was about eight years of what the bleepity bleep blink blink.
It's like
Yeah. But I didn't know what it was. We weren't talking about it then. So it was no, it was not a conversation. There was there was the menopause conversation. I had no idea what was going on in my body. And so the first thing I noticed I think was I started to gain a little weight around the middle, which was so strange. So weird for me. ⁓ I always gained it in the booty. still do, but I gain it everywhere now. But it was so interesting because that was the first thing, but I didn't I thought, this is not a big I didn't tell
Jaimee Dorris (15:45)
Really?
Heidi (16:12)
Take it that seriously. I I just had so much I had a lot going on. But I think that experien like when you're in your body and going, Okay, why am I feeling this way? You know, why am I waking up at you know two o'clock in the morning or whatever? It could be something that you ate or drank at 6 PM or 1 PM. But until you like are really in your space in your body, you don't know. So I think it's
Jaimee Dorris (16:32)
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (16:42)
it's
good to not just automatically jump to some kind of, you know, medical support because you know your body better than anybody else. E even in perimenopause. When we don't really know our bodies.
Jaimee Dorris (16:55)
Yeah, well, and it's it's
I'm I'm so glad we're talking about this because when I was at ⁓ my gynecologist last year, I started asking because as you know, we've already established I'm a health nut. So I was like, At what point should I start hormone replacement therapy? And she goes, Well, are you having any symptoms? And I went, I don't know. I might be. And she goes, ⁓ you'll know. And I went
Heidi (17:11)
Yeah.
Maybe.
Jaimee Dorris (17:22)
Okay. And she seriously, she was like, you'll know. You'll come back when you know. Well, now I know. I mean, I know. I do. And it is funny because on one hand, it's like when I start to experience for me, I think it's more of it's I'm not gonna say it's mood swings in as much as it is I just can't will myself to do the things I used to do. I just can't. Like it's like a
Heidi (17:28)
I was gonna say, do you know now?
Jaimee Dorris (17:50)
barrier now. Like there's like this wall and it's kind of like there's this thick glass and it's just like, I've got to get through that thick glass. Whereas there used to just like be nothing there, you know? And and what I'm realizing is that there's a part of me that's like, I think I need the hormone replacement therapy now. But then the other part of me is like, listen, listen to what's coming up. Cause you know, if you're losing one one, yeah, if you're losing estrogen or you're having issues with testosterone or whatever it is that's going on.
It's also giving you an opportunity to see what's underneath it all and what do you need to know about your body. And so what I'm what what's coming up is I'm realizing that a lot of the behaviors that I've had over the course of a lot of my life has been, ⁓ I guess I could call it kind of people pleasing, but more, I guess I would call it more like earning love. Not not knowing that I'm doing it. If not
Heidi (18:22)
A hundred percent Yes.
⁓ fair.
No, that's fair.
And and you're right. And I'm glad you brought that up because that is something that does come up in midlife. There's there's
Jaimee Dorris (18:47)
Not doing it on purpose.
Heidi (18:54)
It's like a stew or like a you know, it's this cauldron of stuff and it starts to simmer and things will come up and you'll be like, Ooh, what's that uncomfortable feeling? And it it could be a physical feeling, it could be but it they're all kind of tied to this emotional, mental the wall that you're talking about, you know, people say, I have brain fog. I'm like, Well, you could have that absolutely, but there's also that part of you that starts to say, Mm, I this doesn't feel
Right anymore, or you start to see sides of yourself, you're like, okay, that worked then, but you know what? I don't need that anymore. Or yeah, it it's and that's why I think it's important to let the things rise up. I mean, not to say that they won't if you go on hormone replacement therapy or things like that. I don't know for sure, but I think that there is this process that we go through. And there's a a guest that I'm hoping will come on.
Jaimee Dorris (19:39)
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (19:51)
she wrote an essay it said is menopause a promotion it's the granny effect and I read that and I was like whoa I realized looking back at all the years
leading up to where I am now, it was the overarching transition with all these little baby, like little little tiny transitions underneath. But that whole reinvention of now being on the other side of it, I get it. I'm like, ⁓ okay. It's it's uncomfortable. It's a shake up. I you know, midlife is a shake up like nothing else. And
Jaimee Dorris (20:22)
Yeah.
Girl, I'm I am right there.
It's it started over the last year and I'm like, I'm like a new person every every week, every month. I feel like I'm just new because I'm constantly like when something comes up, I stop and go, okay, hold up, this is important. Okay, hold up. Well, this is important.
Heidi (20:41)
hey, I have a huge favor to ask you. Okay, two, two favors. First, could you stop and go to wherever you're listening and give the Evolving Together podcast a five star review? That would mean so much. It helps the podcast move up in visibility
The other request that I have, please, please, please, is
could you share this podcast with at least one person that you think needs to hear this information? Thank you so much.
Jaimee Dorris (21:07)
just yesterday, I'm I can't give too many details because these people are really close to me, but I had originally said I was going to be doing this event for some people that are really close to me. And
yesterday went, I don't want to do it. you know, why did I sign up for this? I don't need to do it. it's free. I mean, like I'm just giving of my time. And I'm like, why did I say yeah? And I'm like, I said yes because I guess I felt like I needed to fill in the gaps where there were gaps and I needed to do that. And I just said, mm-hmm So I literally
One at a time went through each person who was a kind of you know ⁓ affiliated with the event and just said, Hey, I will not be hosting this anymore. And I've canceled everything and ⁓ nothing personal. I just need to focus on other things. And what I loved about that moment was first, I felt so relieved. Second, I got an opportunity to see who or how people responded.
And I think this is a really cool thing about the shakeup, the stew, the cauldron, is that when you do stop on any one of those one little things and then you actually change. You actually change yourself and then you observe. I had several people text it back, okay.
Heidi (22:26)
That's it.
Jaimee Dorris (22:27)
Had one person say, Thanks for letting us know. Now look, this isn't like me. I am the quintessential. If I say I'm gonna do it, I do it. Okay. And not only do I do it, I do it with bells on. Okay. I do the thing. I I mean, I'm literally a person of my word. And so for me to say, Yeah, I'm not doing it, it is not like me. Only one person actually called and said, Are you okay?
Heidi (22:40)
Ha ha ha.
Mm.
Jaimee Dorris (22:57)
And I went, thank you. Thank you for actually seeing me. Cause now I know why inside of me I decided to not do it. Is because the bulk of the people were just taking from me. That's what this age is teaching me.
Heidi (23:06)
Caps.
And they ex
Yes, girl, yes. In i in in that expectation that well she's just gonna do it. And you get really ⁓ you you start to really fine tune that,
Jaimee Dorris (23:17)
Yes.
Heidi (23:22)
barometer or that the gauge that says, This is worthy of my time, this is not, these people are worthy of more time, these people really don't care. And it's so interesting to see that shift. I and I know people say, no is a I I want to do another episode soon about the word maybe because you know, yes is the breath of creation. Like you say yes, figure it out later. And you've lived your your whole life that way.
Jaimee Dorris (23:50)
Mm-hmm.
gosh, yes. I'm a yes girl. Yes Anne.
Heidi (23:52)
Base you know, we talk we've talked yeah. Say yes, yeah. Yes,
and I'll figure it out later. And that's part of why you've been so successful, because you don't get all worked up in the details. You just say, I'm gonna do it. Just do it. Yes, yes. And then
Jaimee Dorris (24:04)
Do it. And because I'm a person of my word, I have to do it. ⁓ my gosh, I got to figure it out.
Heidi (24:10)
Right. And then there's the the the no is a complete sentence, absolutely. But there's also the maybe, you know, it's like, Mm, maybe this isn't right. Maybe it is. And you let it sit for a minute and then you you get your yes or your no. And and that I think we get really discerning and ⁓ people don't like it.
Jaimee Dorris (24:28)
look,
that is that now that has been the next thing that I've dealt with is that people aren't liking the change. another big thing, like for me, is that recently I just haven't wanted to post much on social media, which is odd for me because I do a lot of posting on social media, but I just haven't felt like it. I I just, you know, in the old me would be like, do it anyway,
Heidi (24:49)
Yeah, do it
Yeah. You're right.
Jaimee Dorris (24:51)
to do it. You know, and
it's like that discernment of like, what am I doing and why am I doing it? And a lot is changing in a very short period of time. And yeah, I'm I'm like shaking things up I'm like a new woman and I don't know what's happening.
Heidi (25:04)
Yeah, I love it. I love it.
No,
this is exciting because the first time we talked, this wasn't even really on the radar too much. It wasn't really on the conversation and that's why I was like, Okay, in five weeks a lot happens and it's exciting because it to me it is opportunities. I I I know that and I it's easy for me to say 'cause I'm on the other side of all this to to a degree. I still deal with some midlife things obviously, but I can look back and say, ⁓ okay. It's a time where you say, Enough, I'm not gonna let people treat me this way or
Jaimee Dorris (25:18)
Yes.
Heidi (25:39)
I'm not gonna do this just because I've always done it. I'm going to really check in with myself. And and the self that you're checking in with, it changes and more of the true self kind of bubbles up. Things that we were not dealing with or whatever. And even things you don't even realize or probably shoved down start to come up and they are asking to be seen. So and I think that it's like it's kind of like a a hold on tight.
Jaimee Dorris (25:59)
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (26:06)
Don't be afraid and just and just lean into it because it and it's different for everybody. I mean, some people have really, you know, really, really challenging transitions. I think when you eat well like you do and take care of yourself, you know, you move your body more than you sit. I remember ⁓ seeing that on one of your ⁓ one of your Facebook posts, I believe it was, and I thought one of your videos, yes, and I thought that's so great because because that is so simple, but it and like weighing yourself every day.
Jaimee Dorris (26:29)
One of my videos.
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (26:36)
Day.
I think like I d you know, some people be like, I used to think that was a terrible idea, but I didn't weigh myself every day. So what what did I know? ⁓ it's the intention behind why you weigh yourself every day. You're not looking at the scale and using that as a as a ⁓ like a threat or a what's the word I'm looking for? Punishment. Right. Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Jaimee Dorris (26:45)
Mm-hmm.
It's it's not a punishment. It's a it's a it's information. I'm a big fan of data. Like I love, I'm almost like a geek about it. Like I love
information. And so it's information for me. You know what's so funny about that? I I literally have learned this about myself. As soon as I put something out there, like verbally, like I just put it out to the universe, and then it's like there's this little like oops, doesn't work anymore. I literally haven't weighed myself in like three weeks.
It's because I told everybody what I do and then I stopped doing that. And so I ha that's something else I've been more aware about. Like, Jaimee, be careful about the things you share because then it becomes almost like you don't do it anymore. Somebody goes, my God, I need your smoothie recipe. And I'm like, ⁓ I'm gonna be so amazing and give everybody my smoothie recipe. Then the next week I change it up.
Heidi (27:46)
But see that's and you have every right to and that's that's what's so great about being but you're transparent about that too and you're not you're not like putting it out there than really, you know, you know, secretly like eating, you know, peanut butter cups for breakfast or something. I don't know. Like you know.
Jaimee Dorris (27:50)
wanna change it up. Yeah.
Girl, I could not. I I have to eat protein and I have to eat like
no, I have specific things I have to eat. I have specific things I eat every day and and I know what works for me. And if I travel, and I travel a lot and I always get off the wagon when I travel and I'm like, what have I been eating? Bread. That's what I like to eat. ⁓ but at home I don't. And and I I love I love being at home because I end up eating the same things. I have the same thing for breakfast, the same thing for lunch, and I make sure all my stuff is very ⁓
Heidi (28:19)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jaimee Dorris (28:32)
⁓ it's high quality and it's filling and it gives me all of my macronutrients and everything I like and and then it kind of helps balance me out when I'm traveling and I'm, you know, just eating French bread and Nutella.
Heidi (28:44)
Like
it's about, you know.
And all that. But I but I think that that's that's also another really great trait about you is that you you're not putting it on for anybody. You're not saying, I do this, but then really behind closed doors you're doing something completely different and you're okay with changing and being honest about it. And I think that that's important that's an important conversation because we don't fit into a box. And I this quote, and I absolutely love this. I saw this, it was from April 27th. You did a Facebook post. You were, I think, like an
Jaimee Dorris (28:48)
Mm-hmm. Mm-mm.
Heidi (29:17)
MC at the mob mobile where am I from? The mobile the mo why can't I say it? Mobile Alabama International Speedway and you said you were I think the MC or is it w I think it was and it said
Jaimee Dorris (29:36)
we were the Grand Marshals
for the evening. Yes, yes.
Heidi (29:37)
The Grand Marshals, yes, that's
right. That's right. And you said life stays interesting when you don't put yourself in in just one box. And I thought, Absolutely. I mean, you you were saying I didn't know I was gonna be doing this last week and here they asked and I said yes and it was interesting, it was fun. I mean, are you going to become, you know, the the grandmistress of the speedway? Most likely not, but you did it and I think it's just that adventurous spirit is going to bring you to what you're
supposed
to be doing next. And I love that you're giving your it will, but I think it's so beautiful that you're giving yourself that space and that pause because that's also part of this that strength and that resilience that you have. Like i and I will say this it's super uncomfortable to sit in that space of not knowing. Especially for people like you and I. And I I group us together because we are curious, we like to go, we like answers, we like the data, we want the control, really.
Jaimee Dorris (30:09)
Hopefully so.
Heidi (30:37)
And we don't have it. We don't have the answers. And when I left teaching, I was teaching
High School.
special education Everyone's like, What are you gonna I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. And it was very uncomfortable. The first couple months was great. It was awesome. We did nothing. I you know, I did my little guard. Yeah.
Jaimee Dorris (30:57)
Yeah, that's an enjoyable time. 'Cause you're like, well, it's happening. Now
I'm just gonna have a little vacation. Yeah.
Heidi (31:01)
Yes. And it was great. And I was gardening and I was sleeping
in and doing all the things. And then it set in, I'm like, ooh, what is next? You know, I am I going back to school? Am I gonna do more writing? I didn't know what I was gonna do. And that was so uncomfortable. But I had to sit in that space and my friend Connie, who who comes on the podcast a lot, we talk about that all the time. she's a yoga teacher. So we talk about that n the necessity to sit in that space of just
The unknowing, the unknowingness.
Jaimee Dorris (31:32)
And you know, and I will add on to that
that just recently I was in Orlando with my son and we drove all the way there and drove all the way back. And while we were driving, we were he and I were switching back and forth who drove and who was, you know, the passenger princess. And while I was passenger processing halfway through, I would make myself not get on the phone. And I would just sit there and he and I have this great ability to just be quiet for hours at a time. Like
We could drive in the car and not say one word for five hours. and I just made myself just kind of be there. Don't get on the phone, you know, don't sit there and like try to distract yourself. Just be there. And I had so many realizations during that time. And it was just like the 11 hour drive, you know. And I and I'm like, and that's kind of what you're saying about like being in that like really uncomfortable, just kind of sitting, like, I don't really know what I'm doing.
It's very, very uncomfortable. And I feel like I'm getting some mentoring from you because I you know it's like I'm I'm on the podcast to help your your listeners and I'm like, I don't have the answers.
Heidi (32:30)
good.
Ha.
But see that's what's great because we
you know, I think evolving together because there are times where you will have the answers and then there's gonna be times where you don't and I think that that's just how we evolve. I think that's s why it's so important to talk about these things because someone could say, Jaimee's got she's got she's got her shit together, you know, she's on the TV, you know, and all this stuff and and it's and there have been times where you definitely did
Jaimee Dorris (32:56)
No, I do not. I do
Heidi (33:01)
sure, you know, you saying that you never missed well right, but you never missed a day at at W L O X and you and I and you showed up with full makeup and I was like, Whoa I mean and dressed. Like if I don't Yeah. so that that is that is having your shit together.
Jaimee Dorris (33:02)
Yeah.
no. absolutely not.
yeah, I'd put makeup on at like it was two fifteen in the morning. I I would put
You think? Well, it's funny underneath
that. I think everybody deals with that. You have some things that that you do do consistently and like you're very good at that. And then you have other things that maybe let go by the wayside. ⁓ you know, I I I remember an interview I did with a friend of mine, Aloysius Ballard. Shout out to Aloysius, he's over in Ocean Springs, he's a videographer. And I remember one thing he said to me during the interview, and again, this is like 2016. This is like 10 years ago. So kudos to my perimenopause brain that I can remember this. But he was like making grilled cheese.
And he was showing me some stuff and he said, The important thing, Jaimee, is that you let go in the little things so that you don't let go in the big things. And I I've I've never forgotten that. He was talking about grilled cheese, and I'm sure I was saying, Woo, you know, how often do you eat grilled cheese? And he's like, You let go of the little things so you don't let go of the big things. And
Yeah, so I kind of I guess I feel like that because I'm there's a lot of things you don't let go of, like the little things, but hopefully you're not like letting go of the big things. But I do feel right now in my life, right this moment, like I have no idea what I'm doing. My stuff is not together. My ducks are not in a row. My ducks are everywhere. I mean, them mofos are like they scattered. They're run like races on their own and like doing calisthenics and stuff.
Heidi (34:39)
Well, I
don't think I really don't think in midlife the ducks are supposed to be in a row. I I don't. I I don't think so. I mean I'm I'm sure that there's there's certain
Jaimee Dorris (34:43)
Really?
Heidi (34:48)
careers and situations where that is like that's the pinnacle like okay, you know, I'm in my forties or fifties and it's like, okay, this is this is it. You know, my ducks are in a row and I am good, you know, I jammed for my twenties and thirties and I've I've reached this point. But I don't think I I wanna I'd love to hear from a male perspective because they have their own type of midlife issues and that's another whole conversation, but I
Jaimee Dorris (35:11)
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (35:16)
I think that we're not always supposed to have her ducks in a row. That's the whole point. Because if they're always in a row, when are we when are we taking that pause? When are we stepping out? Yes, right now, girl.
Jaimee Dorris (35:26)
No. Maybe that's the only thing somebody's gonna
get out of this interview. Is just if you're where I'm at, I guess it's okay, right? Like let it be okay.
Heidi (35:35)
Yes, it's a hundred
Yes. It's a hundred percent okay. And I think it's I think it's even more than okay. I think it's necessary. Because I think within that space and that not knowing, that's when the unfolding of the next reinvention, the next 'cause you are actually in the process of it, but it doesn't seem so apparent because we're used to different signs, I think. And ⁓ I know that when the the whole podcast came to I wanted to do it a few years ago, three or four years ago, and I like, Well I have to do this first, I gotta do that first and all these things
I
had to I have to get my following and I gotta get my writing down and my newsletter and then I just I just kind of backed off on everything I started to do a little video for I guess Facebook or something, I don't even know. And then I watched it back and I was cringing.
It's like, God. And but what I realized is right in that moment I'm like, you wanna have an impact, you wanna talk to people, you wanna learn, you wanna have conversations that other people need to hear or want to hear, you wanna connect people. I love connecting. Well done.
medicine alarm. So I take care of my mom who has I I know. Well it's funny. Well I I have alarms on my phone 'cause I my mom lives with my husband and me and so she's early stage dementia and so she's still very capable of doing like tons of stuff, but there's certain things that she needs reminding of and one of them is her medicine. So I have my alarms and that's why I was like
Jaimee Dorris (36:46)
Say you're in midlife without saying you're in midlife.
So do you need to go give
her her medicine? Okay. Okay. She'll be okay for twenty minutes? Okay. Okay.
Heidi (37:12)
No, it's okay. It's it's it it can it's all right. It'll sh she'll survive. No She's good. She's good, yeah.
⁓ it's kind of a pre a pre alarm. I have all kinds of alarms. And I will say setting alarms and reminders on the phone is wonderful for midlife because that you set it and forget it. But ⁓ but yeah, anyway, I was trying a lot of different things and then the realization w literally lit up in my face. It's like you're supposed to be doing the podcast now. You're not supposed
to be doing all these other things because I needed something that I could do from home because of my mom. I needed I needed different things at this time in my life. And I wanted I I wanted a sense of of of contribution and an impact, but it's like I couldn't go and get a job somewhere. Like I kept I I my my dream job, I couldn't do it. I wanted to be a career counselor or a career coach for high school students. I love high school students and teenagers. I pfft I'm weird. I love teenagers.
Jaimee Dorris (38:08)
I know that would that would be fun.
I would love to be a career coach.
Heidi (38:10)
Ha ha ha.
my god, you'd be amazing. Yeah.
And and and that didn't that didn't happen. I was like, ⁓ I need to do something. But I had to go through all the things, you know, and then I just had to give myself permission to go in a completely different direction and just say, Well, I don't know how to do a podcast. I don't know how to record stuff. I don't know anything about anything, but I'm gonna figure it out. And see, you inspire me in that way because you are one of those people that says, I'm just gonna say yes and figure it out. And I'm inspired that you are not saying
Yes to anything, and you are just saying yes to yourself, like you're just saying it's me right now.
Jaimee Dorris (38:47)
I'm I'm
being honest with myself. And I I feel like that's always been something that I've kind of prided myself on is trying to be as authentic as I possibly can. I mean, come on, we're all human, you know, we have limitations. But I think for the most part, that's something I have always tried to be within myself is to be honest. But I think I'm I'm almost unable to be unhonest at this point. Like it's just gotten worse. But then I was
Heidi (38:51)
Yes.
Jaimee Dorris (39:16)
Was visiting with a friend of mine not too long ago, and she's in her 50s now. So I guess she's somewhere around your age, maybe a little bit younger than you are. And she is single, runs a business, and has a she's a single mom, has a child, and has very little help. And she's been doing this since she was in her 20s, and she is frazzled. I mean, just so frazzled. And
She was like, I just, I don't, I don't understand. I just cannot. I just cannot keep doing what I'm doing. And I looked at her and I said, I can see it very clearly. you built a life based upon you being amazing. And now you're unable to be amazing. And you never took the time to stop and recalibrate and make changes. And so now you're just living in the fires of all the stuff you can't do, but you never said no to.
⁓ and so it's just interesting because I feel like now I'm starting to pay attention to all of that, but really I'm I'm just being so honest with myself because I do feel like I'm being led. And a big part of being led is to pay attention, even if what you're experiencing and feeling and and what's coming up isn't what you wanted it to be. Like I'm I'm still being led. I'm paying attention, I'm trying. I don't like it.
Heidi (40:35)
Yeah. Yeah, because Yeah,
because that was one of my questions. Do are you, you know, more driven or led? And you just you just answered that question. It's like Mm.
Jaimee Dorris (40:44)
I was more driven up until 40. And then I
decided to be become led. I remember visually, I mean, like, I mean, I can remember where I was when I said, God, I have made decisions of what I wanted up until this very moment. I have decided what Jaimee wants, Jaimee's gonna do it. Now I'm ready for you to lead me to what's next. And ⁓ and it's it's interesting because three months later I got on Good Morning Mississippi, by the way, right after that. So it was like this weird, like
That wasn't a plan. Like I wasn't planning that. It happened, you know? ⁓ and then this is happening. I mean, Heidi, Help explain it. I don't understand.
Heidi (41:14)
Right.
well you
if you're a person that has drive ever, then you can tap into that drive wherever you're led to next. So yes. Yeah, but that's
Jaimee Dorris (41:34)
Maybe, but I told you about the glass, so I'm starting to get a little freaked out.
Heidi (41:39)
But that's because
I don't think you have all the answers. Like you're s you're in the information gathering stage. I really believe that. Because people that are driven, it's it's not like it's something that I think we can turn on and off. if we're passionate about something, we're driven. Like I literally could do this podcast.
Jaimee Dorris (41:42)
Yeah.
Heidi (41:57)
all day long.
I could edit all day long. I could ⁓ all the things, all the nerdy little things that go with it, I could do it all day long and never eat, never sleep. I love it.
that said, that's not realistic. But I'm very driven. If I'm doing something that I believe in or I'm just super passionate about, I guess that's the same thing. I'm driven. And that's the s that's how you are. And I think that it's just finding that the next thing that you're led to, because you're gonna tap right back into that drive. You're just n yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because you're just not excited about anything yet, but it'll come. It'll come.
Jaimee Dorris (42:30)
I hope so. I am so glad you're saying that.
See, you know, this is another thing I
think is interesting about midlife. And you and I did talk about this last time, is when you're 40 plus, you now have 20 plus years of actual real life experience to draw from. So, like when somebody's 20, 25, everything is about potential, right? Everything is romanticized, everything could be amazing. And so it's easier to get excited about something. ⁓
Whereas now I feel myself at 44, when people go, well, you should fill in the blank. I'm already like, done that, didn't work out. I had to get up at two o'clock in the morning, not doing that. You know, like all of a sudden you start to have a lot more barriers because you've had a lot more experiences. So I always tell like like my kids and my stepkids, I I tell them, like, you know, the thing about life is that, you know, experiences help.
Heidi (43:10)
Mm.
Jaimee Dorris (43:27)
You to know what you want and what you don't want, every experience you have. And so the longer you've been on this earth, you know what you do like, you also know what you don't like or what didn't work. And so that's the fear I have at this point is that yeah, maybe I just haven't been led yet. But then I'm like, am I affecting myself because I've had so many experiences and I now have opinions about everything.
Heidi (43:48)
Well, and that's
beautiful. I mean that's part of the whole midlife transition. You start to go, Well let me tell ya, sweetie, I've been there and that doesn't work you know, you you start sounding like your your grandmother or something, like, ⁓ maybe she really Yeah. ⁓ that comes out of my mouth sometimes. first of all I will say when someone says should, that's the mm, nix that ⁓ the minute I hear that. But when you said you have all those years, you have that perspective, those years were built
Jaimee Dorris (43:59)
I know who wants to be that person. When I was your age
⁓
Mm.
Heidi (44:17)
building. Those are the layers that gonna you're drawing from and they're they're pieces of a puzzle. They don't just go away and they're they're all there just kind of to support whatever comes next. Whether it's ⁓ I mean who knows? I mean i it it's the opportunities are limitless and knowing that that drive is still there waiting you use the word recalibrate number one I love that word like that I
I wrote that word down, like, ooh, I'm gonna use that one a lot. Cause there's so much recalibrating necessary to figure out what comes next. Because your why changes, what what inspires you changes, your needs change, you know, like you're not willing to get up at two o'clock in the morning to go work this awesome job that you love. Well, yeah, because that's hard on the body. The circadian rhythm gets thrown off, and and and so I think it comes down to having that trust in yourself because you didn't just get from point A to
Jaimee Dorris (44:52)
Mm-hmm.
Heidi (45:13)
To point B by chance. So you're gonna get from B to C and C to D and on and on. You had that trust in yourself. So that wall might feel like it's like you might feel shut down, but just certain parts that aren't necessary anymore are shutting down and allowing that space to come up for like, okay, yeah. Mmm, mmm, girl.
Jaimee Dorris (45:33)
Okay, well then there is a lot of unnecessary. I mean I am so glad I I am getting counseling with
Heidi. This is wonderful. Like you're supposed to be helping the audience and instead you're like help me.
Heidi (45:41)
It's so funny and it's funny.
this is a perfect example. We started off, you know, in my mind I'm like, I want Jaimee's inspiring and and you are the queen of reinvention and rebirth and you still are. And that's what's so exciting about this conversation is because y it's like life. You don't know where it's going to go. You don't know who is going to be behind that next door or who's gonna come into your life and and be like this amazing puzzle piece that maybe maybe they're just there a little
while or maybe they're there for a lot longer. But I I do believe things come to us, you know, we we state our intention, we receive, and you have to be still enough to to hear it. You know, when you're going like your your friend that you were saying, she's frazzled. It's like she's been grinding and just going and going and going. But if you don't pause, you literally lose t sight of where you're going. Because you know, when I was younger, I
to be a fashion designer and I was. Had I not stopped, I would have just kept going on this path that that really wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. And I can think of many times where there was something like when I quit teaching, I mean everyone's like, wait, you you've put in enough years to retire? I'm like, hell no. I would have been 70 if I'd put in enough years to retire. it didn't work anymore for me. I I said okay I'm I'm done. I I don't want to do this anymore.
There's something else I'm supposed to do. Didn't know what, but I think that it's that touching base, it's that checking in with yourself and saying, I'm gonna allow this pause. I don't know what's coming next. This is really scary. But that trust in yourself, you've never let yourself down. And and when you have, you've learned from it. I can guarantee it. And so that's the work. That's that's the the biggest work. ⁓ one of my yoga teachers, Mel
How
she does a restorative class after the the really intense yoga fusion class that just about kills me with weights and everything. ⁓
Jaimee Dorris (47:43)
What weight with yoga?
Heidi (47:45)
yeah, it's yoga fusion. So it's like yoga with weights and you only use she says nothing more than five pounds and I'm like, Well I can do more than five pounds. no. Not in her class you don't. Like it is I mean, you are like dripping sweat and it's like a she always says yoga first and then and then the the strength and then she does this lovely restorative yoga class afterwards, but she always says the hardest work is to be still in that restorative class. It's we can power through anything.
Jaimee Dorris (47:53)
yeah, but you wouldn't want to. Yeah.
⁓
Heidi (48:15)
You know, but it's that that stillness and that the pause. Menopause. Perimenopause. There's a pause for a reason. So this has been a great conversation. I am
Jaimee Dorris (48:28)
Hmm. Hasn't it? And so different
from our conversation from a month ago. So different.
Heidi (48:34)
I know.
I know. And that's a testimony to just how how how we change and and especially if we're allowed to. We have to allow ourselves to to become who we're supposed to become and who we were always meant to be. But but if we don't take that time, if we're constantly pushing, you know, we should not feel like we're always pushing, pushing, pushing. it's also time to receive. I think that's the
Jaimee Dorris (48:58)
Well, and that's a whole
nother topic. We could talk about that for days, because that's another thing that I think like I was referring to my my friend who's around your age, who's been hustling and she's been single. I think a lot of women in this age range and older are dealing with what we didn't understand when we were younger and we were told, you can be anything, you can have anything, you can have any great career, blah, blah, blah, you can have it all. What we didn't know at the time was that's bullshit. Okay. You can't have everything, you know, everything in life, you're just gonna have to pick one or the other, you know.
Heidi (49:01)
Yes.
Jaimee Dorris (49:28)
So you're gonna have to sacrifice a lot. And ⁓ I do find that a lot of women my age, are thinking more and more about hmm, do I want to hustle? Do I want to keep working? Do I want to maybe be a little more feminine and not feel like I have to do all these things? There's a lot of people questioning that type of stuff. And so yeah, to me, that's a whole nother branch of this conversation.
Heidi (49:48)
⁓ it sure is. I
a hundred percent.
Jaimee Dorris (49:51)
really questioning more in midlife because it's I can't do as much as I used to. And instead of looking at it like this is a problem, perhaps I should look at this like maybe this is something I need to address.
Heidi (49:57)
yeah.
Mm.
that, yeah. Well, wow, this has been this has been amazing. I love where this conversation went. I like to let things flow. this is this feels like an episode of Girls Night In. Maybe I'll release it as a girls' night in 'cause it kind of feels like that actually. I really appreciate you taking the time and and being open to just letting the the conversation go where where it was supposed to go. Where we were led, honestly. And
I ⁓
Jaimee Dorris (50:29)
We were led to you mentoring me. And
you know, I I I have to say, I am happy that that's how it turned out because I do know this is a different version of me than most people are used to. And that is something that I'm trying to embrace. It's like, what is it that that I'm ultimately supposed to do next? And how is it that I'm supposed to help next? And I don't know what it looks like, but in moments like this, I'm like lean into whatever wherever you're being led and try to conquer it with grace.
Heidi (50:53)
yeah.
That's right. I'm
a big fan of leaning in. It's like it's super uncomfortable sometimes, but I I think that's that's really that's where the gold is, like really lean in and feel it, 'cause it's it's not gonna just go away if you ignore it. It's gonna it's gonna bubble up at some point, you know, in the middle of the night. But or some or at some point, you know. Right.
Jaimee Dorris (51:13)
When you're sweating.
Heidi (51:16)
if you want to follow Jaimee, which I highly recommend that you do. We don't know what's coming next, but it's going to be something amazing, only because I know that you have a high standard and that you're you're you are a giver, but I think that your time is going to be given to something really special in the future. I don't know what it is, but I'm excited. So all of Jaimee's contact information,
is to be in the show notes to follow and subscribe I'm very excited for you and and for the people who adore you because you have a lot of people who adore you. And if you don't mind spending a little more time with me, Jaimee and I are gonna have an extended conversation about being with the right partner. And we're gonna talk about our husbands. So
Jaimee Dorris (51:57)
Yes. Yes. So ⁓ stay tuned.
Heidi (52:01)
So stay
tuned. Who knows where that one's gonna go. Anyway, thank you so much for listening and we will see you in another episode. Thanks, Jaimee.
Jaimee Dorris (52:06)
That's a funny.
Thank you so much for having me.
Heidi (52:13)
and now for the disclaimer. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. The views expressed are our own and should not be taken as medical, legal, or financial guidance. always consult a qualified professional regarding your specific situation.
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