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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast,
Speaker 2:a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Okay. We found something and I was watching. And I was watching so I can do again by myself because we are learning new places. And if you learn new places, you gotta pay attention. Four, there are instructions.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for it? You might need a piece of paper. You can write for a pen or a pencil or crayon or marker. You can even do finger paint if you want. It's not my problem of it.
Speaker 1:First thing you write down is step one. Now on step one, there are different choices of sizes of bowl or what is on your bowl. I got bowl What's even happening out there? I got a bowl that has whale on it because my therapist talk about the whales. My therapist lives next to the whales, and my therapist can go on a kayak boat or another boat, and the dog can swim.
Speaker 1:And if they go very far out or get on the bigger boat, they don't see the whales. And so my therapist as an expert of whales and keeping whales alive and taking care of whales. And my therapist told me about it, and my therapist showed me pictures. So I know my therapist told me the truth of it. And if my therapist can keep a whale alive, my therapist can keep me alive.
Speaker 1:So when they pick a bowl with a whale, I think I need a a bowl with a whale. That's step one. But you don't have to have a whale. But I didn't have to have a whale. Step two, that you write that down.
Speaker 1:It's very important. Are the levers. It's called a lever. It's not a button. You have to pull it down.
Speaker 1:You pull it down, and ice cream comes out of it. I did not make this up. There's so many there's so many levers. You can pick tart. You can pick chocolate.
Speaker 1:You can pick peppermint. You can pick coffee. You can pick strawberry. You can even pick some combinations. Now combinations of the middle lever gives you both of them.
Speaker 1:So if you are very brave, you can pick vanilla and a pomegranate, and you get vanilla granite if you pull the the metal lever. Okay? And I did not. I was not that brave. I just got vanilla.
Speaker 1:But you pick your own ice cream flavor lever. Okay? Then step three, you fill up your bowl with this salad bar of candy. The salad bar of candy is very important step. They have all of the candies that you imagine, except here's one thing you you may not know, but it's very important to know is they the you can be almost Canada, but in Canada, if you have a Smarties, it's really like M and M but without the poison in it.
Speaker 1:But America, you have a Smarties is, like, very tart. Like, tart is a flavor of ice cream. But I know about Smarties because, well, my mother has Smarties. And also one one kid, outside kid, his father did give him a Smartie every time. So at our house, we know about the smarties because they are about parents.
Speaker 1:But at America, That's how to sneeze. I feel so good of it. America, the Smarties are little discies, and they're in the package all rolled up like cylinder shape. But they're only tart, and they are colors. But at Canada, smiley is is M and M, and it's better than M and M.
Speaker 1:If you like a M and M, can you imagine M and M without the poison? So it's like an M and M that's not slimy or chemical. I don't I don't know how to tell you of it until you eat your own smarty at Canna. And I really actually advise you to go to Canada before Canada says please stop coming here. And I think I think if if you get smarties, you might say, well, Canada, thank you very much.
Speaker 1:I would like to stay here because I like your smarties. But if if you stay in America and you eat you eat M and M, well, it it will it will taste like chemical slime, and you will not know it because it's called conditioning, and you will be programmed of it. My therapist will talk about conditioning, and my therapist will help me a bit. It's a kind of trauma, and I think I have M and M trauma. But I thought one M and M is really good, yummy, kind, because it's the only M and M I ever had.
Speaker 1:And so I thought, I just I just have to have a M and M, and I will like it, and it might be delicious. But then when you go to M and M therapy, you find out that you've been lied to the whole time, and that's not really even chocolate. And it's not a funny joke. It's like you got tricked of thinking this good thing was a good thing, but it was not actually good at all. And when that happens at you in life, it's a very sad thing and will break your heart.
Speaker 1:And, also, it's very important that if someone really love you, they'll tell you the truth of it. And I'm telling you, buddy, you you, my friends, don't eat the M and M's. You need to eat smarty from Canada. That's smarty pants of you do because it will be no slime on that M and M. No chemical poison of that M and M.
Speaker 1:Just only a disc of delicious. I I do like Smarty of Canada, M and M kind, But it's not called Eminem. It's called Smarty. I'm not make this up. I'm a native speaker of snacks, and I know about this and I learned about this and I pay attention.
Speaker 1:But at the at the ice cream place they they they have all of the chocolate candies and all of that coconut and all of the things you might wanna put in your bowl on top of your ice cream. I did put some in my bowl. I did not put any gummy bears or I do we we do not eat anything with faces. So I did not get any gummy bears, but I did get strawberries, and I did get blueberries. And I got mango boba poppers, and I got strawberry boba poppers.
Speaker 1:But that boba did not come with boba. It came with poppers. And if what I've got to tell you what I've got to tell you is what I've got what I've got to tell you about it is that it just popped in my mouth without even a drink for swallowing. And I said, well, that was a surprise in my mouth like a firework cracker without the crackers, just boba. And I think I I do not know if I will tell the children about this place because I do not know if I want to share this place.
Speaker 1:But it would be very nice of me to tell the children about this place because they are going to like it a little very much. But step four, you can put on there some chocolate syrup, some white syrup, and caramel sauce syrup. I did not do that. I'm not really a fan of the sticky. I didn't want to touch that.
Speaker 1:And also not a fan of it in my mouth, but I like blueberries and I like strawberries and I like boba poppers. And I know that Kate can make tapioca ones, pearl poppers that do not pop, they just pearl. Because she showed us one time and I was watching that a long time ago. But I I do not work at the bakery. And at the bakery, there is not a bakery.
Speaker 1:There's just ice cream with instructions. And they said, follow this sign, please. Read the sign. And I said, I will be very careful to read the sign as I will be with my rule followers and will follow the rules of the sign. Step one, pick a bowl.
Speaker 1:Step two, pull the lever. Step three, pick a toppings as many as your bowl can carry. I didn't I did not want too many. And step four, cover that in sauce. I said, no.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Step five, you have to give them your bowl, and you have to hope they will give your bowl back to you. They they stand there, and they look at your bowl, and they decide if you did a good job or not. They decide if that looks tasty or not. They decide.
Speaker 1:I do not wanna eat what you picked out, so you can have that back. And And, well, it's pretty good. I sat outside to eat mine, and when I was eating outside, I thought this is good stuff. And you know what? I thought is the only thing make it better is if I could see a whale while eating ice cream in my whale bowl.
Speaker 1:What do you think of that? Well, I'll tell you what I think of that. If I saw a whale in the parking lot, I would think that's a strange sight indeed. So I think that's why I did not see it well in the parking lot because that would be a strange sight indeed. That would be a normal response to abnormal circumstance situations.
Speaker 1:If a whale was in my parking lot, I would say, whale buddy, what are you doing here? And that whale would say, give me your ice cream. I'm feeling thirsty. And I'd say you better flop back in the ocean, and he would say, no way. That volcano is gonna blow.
Speaker 1:And I would say, no. That's on down south, and you like a heated pool. And then I will just go back to eat my ice cream. I'd have earned it if I pushed all them levers, But I'm not sorry about that salad bar of candy. That's the best idea I ever didn't think of myself.
Speaker 1:That's that's that's the best idea I ever knew about from anybody. It was a salad bar full of candy. I thought we're gonna be alright here. We're gonna be alright.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this.