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A relatable and honest podcast about the highs and lows of being a youth hockey parent. Join us as we share real stories, struggles, and wins from the rink, offering insights and support for parents navigating the world of youth hockey.
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to day four of the Crazy Hockey Dads podcast mini camp. We are the Crazy Hockey Dads podcast, the unfiltered podcast for hockey parents, zero politics, no sugarcoating. Not a little bit. We don't do any sugarcoating.
Jamie:Just real talk for hockey parents in the trenches episode 28.
Scott:28. We are past halfway. We're on the backside Past hump day. Hump day. Yep.
Scott:Let me get a oh, that's two times Tuesday. What the hell am I thinking? Let me get a hoo two times Tuesday. What commercial was that from?
Jamie:I don't know.
Scott:That was definitely a thing.
Jamie:Is that, like, for, like, a restaurant? Like, a Friday or something like that?
Scott:I just totally messed that up.
Jamie:I don't know where that's from.
Scott:Because what I was what I was really trying to Convey? Convey was the GEICO commercial with Camel and a hump day. That
Jamie:was a great You just What'd I do?
Scott:You you hit the Are you all jacked up?
Jamie:Mhmm. Are you?
Scott:Alright. Well, we'll You
Jamie:sound fine to me, by
Scott:the way. Oh, I did not sound fine to
Jamie:me. Really?
Scott:Yeah. Did you
Jamie:lose something in your ear?
Scott:Lost my mind.
Jamie:Well, because hockey season's back, so yeah.
Scott:I know. Okay.
Jamie:I get it. Yeah. Here we are. Here we are. Day four of Crazy Hockey Dad's mini camp.
Jamie:I'm hoping that you guys enjoy days one through three. Yep. Right? So here we are, day four. Shall we do our crazy hockey?
Jamie:Should we do our you got to give me the signal. Tell me exactly what that means. Scott's giving me hand signals and I have no idea what he's trying to tell me.
Scott:Can you
Jamie:just tell me?
Scott:Yeah. So if you could adjust
Jamie:can you put your hand can't hear? Oh, Scott's Scott's mic's
Scott:on here. Something's a little sensitive over there.
Jamie:Yeah. Hold on. Let me let me fix you here. Does that work?
Scott:Yeah. Now just maybe leave it.
Jamie:Are you good?
Scott:I think so.
Jamie:Okay. You're
Scott:Until you mess it up again.
Jamie:It's all my fault?
Scott:I mean, you're the one that's sitting next to the thingamabob. Fair. Because that's a technical word.
Jamie:Fair. Anyway, so here we are. Should we do a little shout out to our partners? Yeah. Howie's hockey, the greatest logo in youth hockey other than Crazy Oggie Dads.
Scott:Okay, sure.
Jamie:And maybe Ring Life. Coming soon, people. Coming soon. Yeah. So Howie's Hockey, Crazy ten.
Jamie:Use our Crazy ten discount code for 10% off. As the season barrels on here, tape, laces, gear, bobbleheads. Candles. So good, they're candles. The candles smell fantastic.
Scott:I was in the Pro Shop the other day and there was someone looking at them.
Jamie:Stick wax?
Scott:Yeah, stick wax and they got the yellow tin and the blue tin.
Jamie:They both smell great.
Scott:Delicious.
Jamie:Yeah. The candles are tremendous, by way. You took theirs home, right? Yeah. Have ever burned it?
Scott:I did.
Jamie:Yeah. It smells so good. Yeah, dude. So Howie's hockey, Crazy 10. We love Howie's.
Scott:Prostride.
Jamie:Prostride CHD 10 for 10% off. Angelo Searce and his power skating clinics. If you're in our area, he is tremendous. And then API, Eric, athletic performance insight. We love Eric.
Jamie:If you guys need a game tagged, if you want to kind of do something a little different with your team, with your kids off the ice, I think that's a very good move, they will tag a game for free. They will. Awesome. I love it. Fantastic.
Scott:Yep.
Jamie:All right. So here we are, day four of our mini camp. Right? Yep. Hopefully, days one through three helped you, like I said.
Jamie:And what are we talking about today, Scott? I'm looking to see my notes here.
Scott:So listen, we're talking about confidence. Confidence. Okay. Right. And keeping your
Jamie:kid in a positive headspace.
Scott:And ultimately, we're talking about helping protect your kid's mindset, especially when it gets ugly. And really the takeaway here is helping them don't if takeaway is the right word. But we want to talk about ways to keep our kids mentally upright after tough games, bad shifts, rough weekends.
Jamie:Yeah, because they're going to happen.
Scott:Right. And we also, on one hand, you don't want to sugarcoat it. But you also don't
Jamie:because we don't sugarcoat anything here.
Scott:No. But you also don't wanna completely flatten them. Right? You don't wanna and like overcorrect and you know, be a broken record or hit them over the head with it. So ultimately, look, your kid's mindset and keeping it positive and trying to maintain confidence or bring back confidence if it's gone.
Scott:It's hard. And that's gonna happen. Right? But that is all way more important than any single game. Or any single shift.
Scott:Right? No question. Look, we talked a little bit in one of the previous podcasts about patterns of behavior and if you see things that are really been kind of off the mark for if your kid was at maybe a higher level and then you saw a decline, then maybe you want to talk to coaches.
Jamie:That's where the communication
Scott:The communication piece.
Jamie:Day two.
Scott:Right. But just before you say or give your kid feedback, you want to also be mindful that you don't want to tear down any confidence. And there's an art there. And if it was really easy, everyone would be doing
Jamie:it No question. It is an art form to deliver that in the correct manner.
Scott:Right.
Jamie:Especially when your emotions are high as a parent. That's where you kind of go back to the last couple of days we've been talking about handling your emotions.
Scott:Right.
Jamie:Because generally if you say things when you're emotional, they don't come out right. Right? So positivity is huge.
Scott:Other thing
Jamie:Compass is huge.
Scott:So just sorry to cut you off, but the one piece that also comes up is the critiquing of your kid after the game. And they probably know that they didn't have a good game
Jamie:and they also don't need
Scott:to necessarily hear it from you right afterwards. So it's like stay positive.
Jamie:Twenty four hour rule. Four hour rule. We've been talking the last couple days.
Scott:Yep, so that's a concern.
Jamie:For parents and for you talking to your children, right?
Scott:No doubt.
Jamie:Coaches and talking to your kid, right?
Scott:Right. But stay positive and No, not necessarily
Jamie:no. Positivity is huge.
Scott:Right. It's huge. But positivity doesn't I mean, that can also be weaved into feedback that, you know, negative feedback or, you know, opportunities for improvement. So it's like, hey, Otto, you know, and I'm just making this up. Was like, hey, listen.
Scott:You know, I saw that, you know, on, like, you know, this game wasn't your best game.
Jamie:Yep.
Scott:But, you've been getting better here, here, and here. It's kind of that balancing act of like No question. I don't know what there's there's different people that give you different ratios. But for every three bits, like for every one piece of negative feedback, you better have like three positives, two or three to make up for it.
Jamie:My wife says two stars and a wish. Two things she did positive and something that we wish she would have done better or we wish she would have done differently to try. Right? Something like that. Is that what you mean?
Scott:Yeah. That's exactly what I mean. So again, the the overarching goal is to stay positive. Right? We want and and part of that is to not not omit or not to give constructive feedback, but make sure that there's positivity attached to it in the with the hopes of maintaining or building confidence.
Jamie:Listen, the last couple of days, they all meld into each other in different ways.
Scott:No doubt.
Jamie:When you're talking to your kid when they come off the ice, they if had a good game or a bad game and you want to tell them something that you were not happy with, there's a way to deliver it. We talk about how to communicate. There's a way to deliver these things. And I, in the past, have been guilty of delivering things in a not so positive light. And I to tell you, of course, right?
Jamie:And I have to tell you, but I can give you an example. It kind of tore my kid down a little bit where then I had to realize
Scott:Or a lot of it.
Jamie:Or a lot of it. And then I had to realize what the fuck was going on and then go fix it, right? Look Oh, that was loud ice. I know.
Scott:That was really loud. Bad call on my phone.
Jamie:Really it was funny, but it just loud. But yeah, so and I have to tell you, as this season is starting, Dominic's confidence is at an all time high and we are being nothing but positive. And I know that some of the things that we say on this podcast are not easy to do. Saying make sure you communicate, Make sure you have your emotions in check. Make sure you keep things positive with your kid.
Jamie:It's easier said than done.
Scott:It's simple, but not easy. Correct. Right. It's difficult. And I think if it hasn't been clear so far, and I think it has been, we are in no stretch doing this very well most of the time.
Jamie:Right. We're getting better.
Scott:We're getting better.
Jamie:This podcast is helping us do that. And hopefully it's helping you guys listening as well. Just get better, a little bit better every time. So then maybe your relationship with your kid doesn't You don't have an
Scott:issue. Right. You know, and and and part of this, you know, the processing part of when things are difficult and maybe you don't feel positive, maybe your kid doesn't feel positive, they feel negative the confidence is lower and you figure that out because you saw a kid that used to be like a dog in the corners and now they're being timid. Right? So there's been a shift.
Scott:So, you know, there surely are gonna be times when like your kid's gonna wanna open up about it. Sure. And part of them opening up about it is process and kinda like what's going on. And they might not want to hear what I have to say. That's right.
Jamie:You may be making it worse.
Scott:Without a doubt. So I think there there will be opportunities when I just need to sit there and I just need to listen. Now, I hope that Otto is going to feel confident to not talk well, confident, period. But what I was trying to
Jamie:say was
Scott:that he'll be willing and able to have those conversations with me. But I'll tell you this much. If he's convinced that if he shares stuff like that with me where he's not feeling good about himself and I start comparing him to other kids He's
Jamie:not gonna tell you anymore.
Scott:There's not a chance we're having that conversation.
Jamie:No, there's not. He's not going to come
Scott:to you. Right.
Jamie:And so you don't want that as a parent. Want your kid to be able to come to you and have a conversation with you.
Scott:Right. And if they're coming if Otto comes to me or Dominic comes to you and they're upset about something or they're frustrated or whatever it is, you can shift the conversation from what went wrong or what is wrong to going from problem, problematic thinking or whatever to more solution Solution You're like, okay. Absolutely. Okay. That's the problem.
Scott:Great. We identify that's the problem, but let's stop talking about That's right.
Jamie:And now go figure out how to fix it.
Scott:Poor me.
Jamie:Because that does nobody any good. No. Or this is a waste of time and effort and energy. Now go fix it.
Scott:But there is a space for a kid Fun. To They can vent. Absolutely. They don't have to be like these Robots. Robots, exactly.
Jamie:I agree. I agree. But you're right. That was actually a very good call by you because I think you're 100% right. And I'm a solutions kind of guy.
Jamie:I don't dwell on things. I see a problem. I identify the problem. And then now it's on about how to go fix it.
Scott:Right. And I think part of the things that I get wrong at times as a parent is that when we talk about some of these things that might seem insignificant to us because we've just we're older, we can't minimize how that might be making our kid feel, right? And that's also where some of that art comes in and it's gonna be different by kid, by situation. But I think you also want to, you don't want to minimize maybe what your kid's going through. Just because you think it might not be a big deal if a pattern behavior is persistent, well maybe it's a bigger deal than you as a parent are making it out to be and that your kid's having a harder time than maybe you think they should or they're leading on.
Jamie:Right.
Scott:Yeah. Right? So you want to be there for them. Absolutely. Obviously.
Scott:Yeah. Yeah, no question. To that end, the confidence piece, I think about it and it probably breaks or crumbles faster than it does to build it up, right?
Jamie:Yeah. Oh,
Scott:yeah. It doesn't necessarily take much to shatter confidence.
Jamie:But it's hard to build it back.
Scott:But it takes a long time.
Jamie:It's like the stock market. It goes down really easy. It takes a long time to come back.
Scott:Dude, it's like if you've been physically fit or active and then you just totally drop it
Jamie:It goes in a heartbeat. You can
Scott:put on a ton of weight
Jamie:And your strength gets zapped and it takes forever to put it back.
Scott:Exactly.
Jamie:Yeah, no, it's true. You're right. You're exactly right. The confidence is the exact same thing. I saw it with my own kid.
Jamie:And now that it's back, I will do whatever I can do to keep it there because of the long road back like we just talked about. It's a nightmare trying to get it back.
Scott:But there's gonna be other things that you're gonna go through it again but they're also gonna have that experience now where Dominic will and he can look back on that and be like, look, went through something tough. And
Jamie:look, was
Scott:really tough. And he can be like, I can do hard things.
Jamie:And get through them and move on. It didn't kill me. I'm still here. Right. He could see that it didn't change him.
Jamie:Right? If anything, it makes you stronger.
Scott:Right. You may not see it in the moment. Whatever doesn't kill you
Jamie:makes you stronger.
Scott:Yes. Yeah. I a I worked for a chef. Right. And he would come in and he would say, you know what they say, Scott?
Scott:And say, no, David. What what do they say? And he would say, whatever doesn't kill you will only make you wish you were dead. I was like, oh.
Jamie:Is that what he said?
Scott:Oh, yeah. He was Was
Jamie:he American?
Scott:Yeah. He was.
Jamie:Yes. Yeah.
Scott:He was very sarcastic.
Jamie:Older guy?
Scott:I mean, he was older than me for sure. But, like, I don't know if so. He's probably like, I don't know, fifteen years older than me.
Jamie:Okay. Is he a good chef?
Scott:Yeah, excellent.
Jamie:Still?
Scott:Yeah. I mean, he's been out of the kitchen game for a long time.
Jamie:Oh, hasn't been not in it anymore?
Scott:No, but all I'm saying
Jamie:is Oh, he's not cooking anymore?
Scott:No. I think he teaches.
Jamie:Interesting.
Scott:Yeah. Anyway, doc tell to digress. What do what do they say?
Jamie:No. They say those who can't do teach.
Scott:Okay. Maybe.
Jamie:Not school. I'm not talking about teacher teachers. Not like elementary school.
Scott:Yeah. Keep digging. Keep
Jamie:digging. Keep
Scott:digging the
Jamie:hole that
Scott:you're making for yourself.
Jamie:As my wife's a teacher.
Scott:Way to go, buddy. Good job. Yeah. Awesome. Way to way to maintain her confidence.
Jamie:Seriously. Yeah. She's really good
Scott:though. Oh, yeah? She is. Yeah. Good.
Jamie:She's stud.
Scott:Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I'm sure she is.
Jamie:Yeah. That's why my kids are so awesome.
Scott:Because of her.
Jamie:All because of her.
Scott:Yeah.
Jamie:You know what they say? They say behind every great man is a great woman.
Scott:Really? That's what they say. You know, all of these expressions, who the fuck is they? They. Yeah, that's my point.
Scott:They. They. Okay. Anyway, is getting a little off But so again, confidence, positivity Huge. Really important.
Scott:And again, it crumbles faster than it builds. So Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So as the season goes on and as things get challenging Yeah. As things get difficult, just make sure that you do what you can to help keep your kids' mindset Positive.
Scott:Positive as possible. Yes. Help keep them upright after games, bad shifts, rough weekends.
Jamie:Regardless of player issues, themselves playing poorly, coach issues, parent issues, cause they will arise. This game is a roller coaster.
Scott:Right. And so when you go through this stuff, it's okay to be honest, but that honesty should also be complemented by picking out the positive. Yes. And keep the focus on your kid and where they were
Jamie:On the positivity.
Scott:On the positivity, but the progress that they've made. You know, we're not comparing like we talked about in the last podcast.
Jamie:No comparing.
Scott:No doubt. Again, their mindset is more important than any one game or any one shift. So skip the post game critique.
Jamie:And you know what? If you your kid with negativity, they're not going to play well. And it's just a downward spiral. It doesn't help. I think sometimes a lot of us parents because we kind of are a little bit of old school thinking we think that if you lay into your kid that they're going to respond.
Jamie:Some do, don't get me wrong, But the majority I don't think do.
Scott:Look, there's definitely examples of families of kids where it's just they're seemingly cut from a different cloth. There's people on all ends of that spectrum.
Jamie:You mentioned the Williams sisters, right? Mentioned Tiger Tiger parents, I'm pretty sure, laid into them pretty good and was not think they were pretty prickly. And they turned out But not to be be
Scott:working for them.
Jamie:But like you and I talked about off air, I think that they're the exception, not the rule. And I think that there are a lot many parents who have ruined their kid as opposed to kids that have reached heights like that.
Scott:Right. And so Right. You just don't hear about
Jamie:them.
Scott:Something my wife says to me often is that what you say to your kid or your reactions to your kid is what's going to become their inner voice.
Jamie:It's true.
Scott:And that's something that, you know, again
Jamie:It's true.
Scott:She it's not like that she came up with it, but that's something that she heard and she's held on to.
Jamie:It's true.
Scott:And we talk about in our house and I need to think about that more often. But just imagine if, know, let's, you know, let's say that's true that like your reactions become your kid's inner voice.
Jamie:Right.
Scott:Then the way that you lay into your kid, like that's the that's the story, that's the narrative, that's the anger, that's the body language. That's all those things that they are replaying over in their head. And that for most people is not going to yield a better positive kid with confidence, self esteem, all that stuff. We want to do what we can to support them and be healthy.
Jamie:That's why we're here. That's the idea behind this whole thing. So hopefully day four was just as good as day one through three. Hopefully you guys had a good takeaway from it. Tomorrow, are I know we did managing or keeping things positive today at all costs.
Jamie:Tomorrow, we're going to jump into a little bit of managing your own stress Yes. And emotions as a parent Because like we said before, this is a roller coaster. This game and you tell me if I'm wrong the highs are so high and the lows are so low, and you get everything in between. And it can change in a heartbeat. It's wild.
Jamie:A season has so many highs and so many lows and everything in between.
Scott:Yeah, it's a mixed bag, but it's also a great journey.
Jamie:It's wonderful. But my God, are the highs high and the lows are low?
Scott:Listen, as is life.
Jamie:That is very true. So again, we talk about life lessons.
Scott:There we go.
Jamie:You know, it's a good life lesson for kids
Scott:Alright. To Episode four in the books, dude.
Jamie:That was day four in the books. Right? Episode 28, day four. Tomorrow, we'll be back with managing your own stress and emotions. Scott, till tomorrow?
Scott:Until tomorrow. See you, bud. Later. Later.