Adrienne
Hi everybody and welcome to Sugar Coated. I'm your host, Adrienne Garland, and I am so excited to introduce my very good friend that I've known for a long time now, Miss Bob Gallagher of Mahalo Massage, New York City. Welcome to Sugar Coated Bob.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Thank you, Adrienne. Such a pleasure to be here. Oh my goodness. Like we gab all the time and it's just like, oh my God, we gab all the time. And how many years ago was it like, Adrienne, we should be recording these. And here we are, finally, we're recording one.
Adrienne
I'm so excited.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Yeah, and I definitely remember us recording a test. A test recording, I think it was maybe before I started Sugar Coated or in the midst of it, but this is the official live show. And I'm so excited to have you on the show because I think more than anyone, you understand this concept of not Sugar coating
conversation, right, especially when it comes to women entrepreneurs.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I don't have time or energy for bullshit. I might have a lot of my own bullshit, but like my life's path is to wade through the bullshit and like shed it, yeah? Shit it. I'm trying to shit the bullshit. Like, you can quote me on that. Yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah. Shit. The bullshit. Right out of you.
Listen, that is a good title for a book. Shit the bullshit. I love it. Oh my God, oh my God.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Well, there you are. Well, you heard it here first. You heard it here first.
Adrienne
So for those of my audience that do not know you, why don't you just take a moment or so and just let everybody know a little bit about who you are and what you do and then we can get into everything.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah. Okay. I am. Oh man. Like on the spot, it's like, well, I have ADHD. I'm really ambitious. No. I'm a badass. I'm a mom. So I am a human being. I'm a woman just making it happen. I am an entrepreneur. I started, I went into private practice, a massage practice privately.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
I love that.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I don't know, gosh, 13 years ago now. And then I expanded into a small business nine years ago. And I love working with people. And so much so that at some point I was like, I need to start a podcast. And now I also have a podcast called Bank the Fire that is currently on hiatus. And I gotta say, I actually owe my podcast to you because you and I were...
you were talking about women in media and you and I were having such fantastic conversations. And I was like, why aren't, do other people know about this? Cause we forget, like we, we're such go-getters and we are, we just make things happen that we forget that not everyone is aware that they can just make things happen. Yeah. So that's, I think that's it.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah, okay. So I think this is how all of our conversations start. So you like throw that softball out there and then we start to go down a path. So I totally love this discussion topic about the fact that we literally can make anything happen. It's all reality. It's all what we...
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Hahaha!
Adrienne
believe is our reality and what we're capable of. And we are the ones that decide to make things happen. Right?
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Mm-hmm. Right. It's just, it's really a choice. It's perspective, right?
Adrienne
It's a choice. And I think what has happened, generally speaking, to women and others is that society has conditioned us to believe that we need to follow a certain path or go down a certain road in order to have what we want or be successful, whatever that means to us.
PS, we don't need to follow these rules. We don't. And in fact, the people that don't are the ones that are getting it done.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Right. I was listening. I finally picked up You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. Sincero, yeah. I'm listening to the audio book. So yeah, yeah. So I'm able, it was like, yeah. Anyway, like I would, yeah. Hi. And I was always put off by the title, but at some points, it was,
Adrienne
Mm. Yeah, Jen Sincero. Yeah.
the chair up.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
You know, you hear all those stats about like the divide between political parties. And if you're on one side of the line, you refuse to learn about the other side of the line. And so you end up in your own echo chamber of knowledge. Yeah. And so knowing that I was like, I'm poo pooing this book because of the title. And let me listen to a sample of it. Let me check it out. Like if I can listen to The Power by Rhonda Byrne and love it.
Adrienne
Mm.
Adrienne
Mm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
then why can't I also love some of the other ends of the same spectrum of you are a badass, right? Power. You are a badass. It's like, it's all saying the same thing, but different packaging. Like Tony Robbins has his own package. Deepak Chopra has his own package. Mid-century, mid-last century, Neville Goddard has his own package. You know, all these people. Anyway, I listened to a sample of it and
Oh my God, it's so great.
Adrienne
Yeah, she's pretty great. She actually is about us. Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
She is actually a badass and it's like it's only when you not only win but quite often it's when you're going through this the muck of life and you're The same thing is just happening over and over and over again And you know, this is going back to like it's a choice to make things happen. It's really easy to say that it's like I choose XYZ and it's like is that wishful thinking? Yeah
Adrienne
Hmm. Maybe, maybe.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
And it's like, okay, maybe because for, I don't know, for the last six years, for as long as we've known each other, I was like, I want to be able to grow my business. And like, why isn't it expanding? And like, oh my God, it's so hard to hire somebody like good. I don't want to manage people. And there were all these stories that I had that I didn't realize I had. And it was, it's like, so, okay, so now I've made the choice. I want my business to be bigger and it's not happening.
So then it becomes an examination of what needs to change. And that's why I'm digging Jen Cinturro's book, because that's what she was going through. She was like talking about like crying hysterically in public, like dating the same loser, like, you know, same asshole type of guy. And it's like, when life becomes a struggle constantly, over and over and over again.
understand everyone I think it's like hopefully they get to the point of understanding that the only common factor there is the self and you want anything to change it's going to be the self you know attracting what you reflect it's like you want this but this is what you're getting understand that like and you're allowing that thing that you don't actually want into your life that's a choice that is giving permission for that thing that you don't want to be in your life
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah, which doesn't leave room for the thing that you do want.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Gosh, I listened to this incredible woman. She has a podcast, it's called Project Me, and her name is Tiffany Carter. She's a badass. But she talks about things in a really raw and wonderful way, but she talks about how, on this theme, that she's no longer available for certain things. Like, no, I'm no longer available for that.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Cool. Yeah.
Adrienne
And it is a choice, and it reminds me of something that my mom used to say to me all the time, and that it really works. I don't know why I don't employ it more often, but my mom would say, just make a conscious decision to do blah, blah. So it's almost like, I think without her knowing what she was.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Mm-hmm.
Adrienne
really saying and empowering, I think it was like, bring what, you know, the crap that we attract is on a subconscious level. It's serving us in some way, right? It just does, or else we wouldn't be doing it. So that's one thing. But like when my mom says, make a conscious decision, it's like, bring it to your consciousness, right? See it and make a conscious decision, a conscious choice
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Absolutely. Right.
Adrienne
to choose something different and then operate from there. And that's the same thing that like when Tiffany says like, I'm no longer available for like, you know, working my ass off and not getting paid for it. It's just something that I don't do anymore, you know? Or, you know, I just don't eat peanut butter, right?
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Right, right. It's the, you know, very popular quote and I should probably check the legitimacy of it, of Einstein, like, if you do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result, it's insanity. Of course I'm butchering the quote, but that's the, the gist of it. Yeah. And it's what, I forget, I don't know what his title is, but this coach guy, Price Pritchett,
Adrienne
Yeah. No, you aren't. That's perfect. That's exactly what it is.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
He has quantum leaps. And it's like, if you want little changes, make little, you know, if you want things to change slowly, then make little changes. If you want things to change in a big way, in a quantum way, and, you know, to an exponential degree, then you also have to reach out and make the choice in an exponential degree. Right? And it's the...
Adrienne
Mm.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It's absolutely true. It's, you can't do the same thing over and over again and think it's gonna turn out differently. There's just no way.
Adrienne
And I think that this really relates to women entrepreneurs. We are so inundated with all of the negativity around, we don't get financing, we don't get past a million dollars, we have our time, blah, blah. It's like, we absorb that message.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Okay, right. Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah. And that means that we are looking for someone outside of us to validate and affirm for us what it is that we're doing. They're not giving me financing. They're not giving me financing. Well, either my idea isn't great or I don't believe in myself and I think I need that person, you know, Mr. Mrs. Bank of whatever to make it happen for me. That's also a choice.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
being stuck in that mire and having that perspective, right? Understanding that one's perspective is also a choice. The vibration that we are creating for ourselves with our beliefs and our self-talk. I mean, this was the last newsletter that my business put out, being loved or being loved. These are two different things. You wanna be, it's like being loved, beautiful.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
You know, it's like my husband loves me. I think my kid loves me if she understands, you know, because she's just tapped into the universe. And like, therefore I'm okay. My clients love me and therefore I must be a really great massage therapist. And like the people who work for me love me. Therefore I must be a really great business person, whatever. You know, it's like everything on the outside, it has to be very specific circumstances for me to feel validated and loved.
Adrienne
She does.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
what happens to my identity when all of that goes away, right? Versus, I am with myself all the time. How can I be the light that I seek? Yeah? And then, so being the love. So it's the, again, going back to, it's like getting mired in the negative versus focusing on, not to say like, you know, again, it's
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It's such a fine line, wishful thinking versus negating the negative, right? It's not to say that the negative doesn't need to be worked through. The negative needs to be worked through. Like I had amazing revelations in the past couple of years, but like there were some things I was really anxious about. And I was like, for some people, when you're anxious about something, oh, that's just the way it is.
I no longer believe that because when I dug up this childhood memory and realized how I've been carrying the burden, not the burden, but like carrying this gift of memory and then using it to give myself a facsimile of a safety net my whole life, AKA anxiety, to protect, quote unquote, protect me. As soon as I found that source, I was like, I don't need this net of protection anymore.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah, and in a couple of different ways, not to get into such too specific of a detail, but it's like, I am, like once I, that came into my consciousness, I stopped being so anxious about those things. I stopped being so anxious about death. I stopped being so worried about pleasing other people or being, I was so worried about being an inconvenience to people that I couldn't even own my space, right? And,
Adrienne
Mm.
Adrienne
Yeah, that's crazy.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
And so again, not to say, not to say it's like, let's just focus on the good, but.
When the negative keeps coming up, let's say, treat it like a gift. Like you say, it is there to serve us. And so when that negative keeps coming up, hang out with it. Hi, you're here constantly. Let's be friends. Why am I so scared of everyone leaving the house and dying and not coming back? What is this abandonment? Is this an abandonment issue?
Adrienne
Right.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I don't think so. I'm just worried that when my husband leaves the house, he's gonna die and he's not gonna come back. Oh, okay, so we are going to detail. My mom would joke about death all the time. And so at a very young age, I was like worried about someone going away and never coming back. Yeah. And so make the choice. Recognize, there's the conscious choice and then there's the unconscious choice, right?
Adrienne
Hmm. Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Like here's this thought, it keeps coming up, it keeps haunting me, okay? It's like the sixth sense. At some point, the M. Night Shyamalan movie, it's a great movie, at some point that main character recognizes that these ghosts just need someone to communicate with and he's a fantastic medium. So if he can hang out with them, talk to them, understand them, develop a relationship with them, then he realizes there's nothing to be scared of. They're just part of his existence. Of his...
Adrienne
Wasn't he dead though? Wasn't that the... Was that the...
Mrs Bob Gallagher
No, the kid wasn't dead. The kid wasn't dead. Yeah, Bruce Willis' character was dead and didn't real, and that's the catch. Hey, yeah, sorry for everyone who's not. Yeah, it's been out for a while. If you haven't seen it yet, but it's even so, even knowing that the way it's, I don't know, I enjoy M. Night Shyamalan, the way he, the suspense, he built the suspense.
Adrienne
and didn't realize it. Yeah. Spoiler alert.
Adrienne
Yeah, right. It's the unexpected. I want to pause and kind of go back to a couple of things that you said. So I think that we do have to recognize, and again, without playing a victim, we have to recognize that so much of what's in our psyche are things that we have been indoctrinated in society.
to think and within your family for one, and in school and all of it, we have been conditioned to think and behave in a certain way. So some of this tension, anxiety, confusion, is because we recognize that, wait a minute, that doesn't work.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Society or familiality?
Adrienne
We've recognized that it doesn't necessarily work for our lives. So we do need to roll it back and give ourselves a little grace and to say that, you know, this is how we were conditioned. We need to unlearn some of that and that is very uncomfortable, especially, you know, we're not , right? So we don't, we can't just, you know, randomly operate in a different way.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It is.
Adrienne
make a decision that maybe the way that we were educated and, you know, conditioned isn't working for us. And so what are the parts that do work and what are the parts that don't? And how can we look at those things like you said, like, hey, you're always with me, like, let's examine why you're here. Like let me ask some.
questions. And if you can't do that on your own, which it is very difficult, there's absolutely no shame in getting someone to help you work through that, whether that's a friend or a therapist or a coach or whatever, because that's another thing that we were conditioned. Like we got to figure it out on our own. And if we don't, we're weak.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yes. Yeah, it's absolutely, it absolutely is possible to get, I mean, I see it so much in men. I definitely see it in women, but I definitely, I see it like it's not to say all men are like this, but the majority of heteronormative males that I know are so insistent on I need to be able to figure this out myself.
Adrienne
Mmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
And let us all remember that we are part of humanity. We have been able to survive because of our relationships with each other. So why not call upon a friend? Why not call upon a therapist? Part of having that jewel that is currently encased in a rock or in...
you know, encased in mud was because we did, you know, in my opinion, it's because we were not given safe space to be able to tap into the jewel that's in the middle. Yeah. And so, because we didn't have that safe space, to your point, it feels like we need to be able to do this thing ourselves, figure it out ourselves. But as a massage therapist, so often when I'm
It's like, oh my God, I didn't know that was tender. I was like, yeah, because you're living your normal. And it's only when someone comes along and gives you a sense of relativity that you can then recognize what is going on, right? It's all relative. Like I am in my normal all the time and only, and it's like, it's so easy to think, doesn't everybody think like this? You know, whatever the thought pattern is. And it's just like, yeah, no, I am a unique snowflake.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Mm-mm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
better or worse, I'm a unique snowflake. And together, you know, we create this beautiful snow landscape, but anyway.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
I think one of the things that's interesting about your particular business and what you do is you're in the healing arts, right? You're helping other people through physical, and I know it transcends physical. I know it does. I'm just saying that through physical manipulation of muscles and energy and all of that. I think sometimes what happens.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Sure. Yeah, no, it's cool.
Adrienne
Again, I like, because I do it all the time, I make general statements about women. We are conditioned or whatever. I don't know if it's in us, but we help people. So many of the women that I know have businesses that in one way, shape, or form, they are helping someone else. What ends up happening is we as the helpers, you as the massage therapist, maybe you're
putting out so much help, so much healing. And you need that same level, if not more, so that you can help and heal people. And that's a place where I do feel like women don't take the time to say, wait a minute, I need to take care of myself.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I definitely see it with men as well. Yeah, it may not be so obvious because culturally, societally, it's expected of them in a different fashion than it is for women. And I think also, and I had this realization just yesterday, I mean, it's been brewing for a long time, I imagine. I've been doing this years. That's, and...
Adrienne
Mmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
working with other, um, knowing other entrepreneurs, working with other massage therapists and being in conversation that so much of the natural quotes, naturalness of serving others.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Sorry, I'm still working on formulating this. So much of the naturalness of serving others is due to the training that we've had to forsake ourselves in service of others. Just growing up. And so of course, this is what I'm going to do for a living. Of course, it's easier for me to ignore myself to help you and so that when you have a good massage, then I can feel validated for what I've done.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Mmm. So good.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Right? Versus, how can I show up? That's all I wanna do. I just wanna show up. And then I can meet you where you're at. As long as I know where I am, I'm not getting lost in you. I am, because I can see where I, because I can recognize where I am, I can now see you.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm.
Adrienne
Mm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah. Otherwise I'm just like, like I'm just a, otherwise I'm just a tornado. Like, let me make something happen. Let me make something happen. And I'm not there. I'm not present at all to what actually needs to be done. Yeah. You know, back to your point, like I got to take care. It's the, and I see this in so many caretakers. It's the.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It's like it should be the mantra. Like you can't take care of anyone until you take care of yourself. You don't, it's so hard. It's not that it's so hard, but like our notion of love that we can give to others, it's really just ego. Like I'm gonna love you the way I think you need to be loved because really it's how I need to be loved and I can't do it for myself, so let me do it for you. What do you mean you don't appreciate my love?
What do you mean you're breaking up with me? Like, didn't I love you enough? No, I didn't love myself enough. So how can I possibly expect you to love me too?
Adrienne
So what are the ways that you are finding? And I guess this is like maybe tips for people. What are some of those ways that you're finding? Because I think it's on two levels. It's the emotional, right? And how can you take care of yourself? But it extends like everything into your business, right? So what are some of the either?
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Adrienne
practices or what have you tried or what might you suggest for other people and everybody is individual, we understand this. But just to just to kind of get the wheels going.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Totally. Like it's like, yeah, you know, it's like you, uh, we are all able to hear the thing that we are ready to hear. Yeah. So I could say like different things, but obviously the one that's going to resonate with you is going to land. Right. So I need to remember that what I do is not life or death. Yeah. And
Adrienne
Mm. Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
And my primary goal is to live my life. And so if I'm going to sacrifice myself for my business, it creates a dynamic of need and resentment. That's just not healthy. And so that's, if I were to...
Adrienne
Hmm. Right, why would anybody wanna come to a business where there's need and resentment? Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Right. Like, let's say I'm watering my aloe plant every day because I need it to grow. My aloe plant is going to die if I water it every day, right? So it's like, okay, so I'm going to water it. I'm going to see how it goes. I'm going to step away. I'm going to take care of my stuff. And I'm going to check in with you and see where you're at. See what progress or not progress you've made and then change conditions. Yeah. And so...
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
That's again what I've been working on for the past couple of years of, I mean, past six years, but it really came to a head in the past couple of years of
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Anyone can blame external factors for why they are not successful.
At the end of the day.
the founder, the owner, the CEO.
they're setting the tone for the entire business. So if something's not right within, something's not going to be right with the business. Whatever that looks like. And I mean, there's Elon Musk's, there's Jeff Bezos's of the world, Steve Jobs, like I'm sure had his own thing, Bill Gates has his own thing. I don't get it. It's cool. I was listening to the armchair experts today.
episode with Dr. Peter Attia, whom I admire so much. And I had to stop listening to him because he's such an arrogant fuck. But of course he's an arrogant fuck. That's what you want from a doctor. But he was an arrogant fuck. And it's mentioned in this episode. It's mentioned in this episode, it's like the, I can't remember who he was quoting, but he was talking about like great leaders or people who are quote unquote so successful.
Adrienne
Hahaha.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
One of the mantra that's kind of going through the mind is, I gotta be so great so that no one knows that I am worthless, yeah? And it's just, think about what does success look like and what do you actually think it's going to give you that framework of success that you have in your mind? Like my business is gonna do XYZ number of dollars per year.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I'm gonna have a number of massage therapists working for me. There are gonna be so many appointments. What do I think is gonna happen? I'm still gonna have me at the end of the day. No matter how much money I make, it's still gonna be me at the end of the day. So what is my goal in life? To be successful at life. Everything else, whatever that means, everything else is just icing. It's just cake, right? But like, I want my steak. I want my life to be beautiful, right? And what does that look like? I've got an amazing kid. I love my husband.
Adrienne
Whatever that means, yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah. And so, and so I mean, these aren't quick tidbits, but it's, it's the, you know, the need and like, I need my business to be successful. And it's not, and I really resent that. It's like, nobody wants like, think about the relationship you have with your business. Why? Why are you, why do you need your business to be successful? What is it within you that is not fulfilled that you need your business to be successful versus
Adrienne
Mmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
your business being an expression of creativity. Different.
Adrienne
a totally different way to think about business and conceptualize it. There is a lot of proving energy. I'm talking about this from myself personally, a lot of proving energy in this is something that I've created, that if it's not successful, that speaks about me.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Good night.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yes, yes. And so, sure, totally understand. Knowing that is the end result, like that is that business that was a reflection of me. Okay, so what the fuck do I need to work on so everything else in my life can be a reflection of me? Yeah? I mean, you brought it back to the point of like me. Like if my business sucks, it's a reflection of me.
Adrienne
And I'm afraid of that.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I really need to get my business together. No, you just totally missed the point. It's a reflection of you. You gotta get your shit together. And listening to Rick Rubin, listening to... I mean, Paul McCartney told... Unfortunately, I don't remember which podcast this was on. Maybe on Armchair Experts. Paul McCartney told the story of he was hanging out with the greatest composer in the world. No idea of the guy's name, because that's not my genre. And the greatest composer in the world was like,
Adrienne
Yeah, no, you got to get your shit together. Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
and that everyone's gonna find out that I don't know what I'm doing. Like Robin Sharma is supposed, is I don't know the veracity, I don't know the truth of this, I haven't done much research, but Robin Sharma, another like, I don't know what you call it, self-help guy, he apparently works with like world leaders and C-suite, like high level, high net worth individuals. And...
Adrienne
Wow.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Somebody asked him, like, what is the most common treat amongst all these people that you work with? Impostor syndrome. We all suffer from it. And it's, we're all looking for like outside validation. And really, I think it's cover because we're all so worried that someone's going to figure out that we don't know what the fuck we're doing. And now that I'm on this side, it's so great. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing because that means anything I try is like new and exciting. It's a surprise if it works.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I'm okay not knowing. I love the fact that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And I really hope that people working for me are understanding of this. But it's like, no.
Adrienne
Yeah, I think it has to, that's also a spectrum because it is not entirely true that you don't know what you're doing because you do know what you're doing and maybe it's in a certain realm. The I don't know what I'm doing is a sweeping statement about I don't know what I'm doing from A to Z. I might know.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Totally.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It's like, yeah, totally. It's more like, it's more like the more I know, the more I know I don't know. And that's what I mean. Like, yeah, like, yeah, I have my business. And yes, I have my family. I've had a few dogs. Let's bring it back to dogs. I've had a few dogs. The next vlog, everything I've ever learned.
Adrienne
DNE.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Who knows? It might not apply. Some of it might apply, but there are definitely some things that this next dog is going to teach me. It's like having kids. You think, you know, you have, you, oh my God, my sister has six kids. My sister has six kids. After three, she was like, yeah. She and her husband were like, yeah, we know what we're doing. Oh my God. Then the fourth kid showed up. And it was like, we have no idea what the fuck we're doing. And that's what I mean by, I don't know what I'm doing. I kind of know what I'm doing. You know, I can get by, right?
Adrienne
Yeah. Yep.
No.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
But I also have the humility to recognize that every situation is unique. Let me not assume that I know what I'm doing, because then I might miss something. Yeah. And I don't do that.
Adrienne
Yeah, that's very much, I'm actually reading Rick Rubin, and I'm actually typing it because I should really know the name of the book, The Creative Act. So.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yarder, the creative act. Yeah, I've got it. Yeah, I've got it in audible and hard copy. So much respect.
Adrienne
The hard copy is beautiful because of the way that the book is laid out. So it would be very interesting to also hear the audio part of it. But I'm only, whatever, pages in or something.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
not the kind of book I feel like it's not the kind of book you necessarily have to read all the way through. I'm sorry I'm eating but I'm drinking bubble tea. But anyway um Ruben is of the mind you get what you need when you need it. So he's he has talked about walking into a bookstore. He had um the doctors were saying he had to get his um appendix out. He walked into the bookstore. Right.
Adrienne
Yeah, exactly.
Adrienne
Yeah. Yes. Emergency.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
You walked into a bookstore, opened up one of Andrew Wiles' books and was like, the doctors tell you that you don't need something in your body, then walk away. Or whatever it was. Dude still has his appendix. And thank God he does. Cause like if for, because I'm a health person, everyone, I, I would, I desire everyone to know this, the appendix, we have an appendix, we don't have any accessory organs.
Adrienne
Yeah, that's exactly what it was.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
This whole science thing of like, oh, we don't know what that organ does. So it must be an accessory. Not true. Our design is perfect. Anyway, the appendix is used in the digestive process. And if it's inflamed, it's a sign that something's up with your digestion. Yeah? And so let's not take it for granted that it's inflamed. Oh, we should take it out. That cures it. No, it's a symptom of something greater going on.
Adrienne
Mm-hmm.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah. I wanted to just mention Rick Rubin, OK, about the appendix story, but more so about this idea of being open, open to the possibilities, knowing that there are greater things at play and being aware that you just need to recognize and that there are.
answers, there's answers in nature, you know, there are alternatives, there is not just one way. And it's very yoga-like, you know, art is a practice, a practice of observation. And this is something that if we can adopt that perspective and mindset, yes, in our business, we have, you know, shit to do.
But if we can adopt the perspective of sort of being an observer and opening our minds instead of having that tunnel vision, I think that there would be answers to some of these challenges that we all face as entrepreneurs and especially because the whole entire audience for Sugar Coated is women entrepreneurs. Right? We need to let go of...
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Hmm.
Adrienne
Like Rick Rubin says, creating the art to put it on a shelf. No, art for art, right? So I think for women in business, we have to let go of the fact that we need to know exactly what it is that we're doing and be open and kind of lean in, even though I hate that, lean in to the fact that
There are answers out there. There are solutions to problems. We just need to get rid of the veil, take off the blinders, and observe.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah, be open to, like, it's true. Be open to possibility. Recognize there is always a choice, which brings us back to the beginning. It's a choice. Recognizing that there's a choice, that's the first step. If you don't recognize that you have a choice, then you're going to be mired. When you recognize you have a choice, then the possibilities are endless. And then that's the great part. Yeah.
Adrienne
Yep. Yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah. And I think what we can also do, and maybe I'm speaking to myself, but we can also recognize that we need our business to be successful. We need a certain outcome. Well, maybe it's the business as it exists right now in the state that it's in. Maybe that is the thing that requires.
changing. Maybe it's not this business that is going to be successful, but rather the next iteration of it or something completely different. And know that where you are and everything that you've learned is applicable. It's all information. It's all process.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It's all a process. It's all a process. Right? It's all, um, one experience feeds the next experience. Like, yeah, I don't know what I'm doing, except that I've been in business for years. Clearly, I know some things, and being open to the possibility that there's something I may not know. Yeah?
Adrienne
Something. Yeah. Ha ha ha.
Adrienne
Right, yeah. And I think that's the best we can do for ourselves and continuing to be open and continuing to have that learner's mindset and act on that.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
It's.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah, beginner's mind. The whole notion of like, I want my business to be successful. It's, what's the word? It's missing the now. Yeah. Taking the time to recognize everything that we have done thus far. And finding the joy and celebrating.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
that success right there. Because if we can't recognize how far we've come right now, what makes us think we're gonna recognize like steps later? Yeah, how can we get to steps later? It's like the whole notion of now, was it Lao Tzu? It's like if you're anxious, you're, if you're depressed, you're in the past. If you're anxious, you're in the future, right? And the joy is in the presence, is in the present, right? And it's like, that is...
Adrienne
That, yeah.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Adrienne
Sure.
Adrienne
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
That is ever, that's a, oh shoot, I'm sorry, I'm losing words. That's great bubble tea. I'm totally drunk on it.
Adrienne
The bubble tea made bubbles in your brain.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I call those migraine, but it's homeostasis, it's equilibrium, it's not a fixed state. It ebbs and it flows, and somewhere in the middle, we're in the present, yeah? So like we keep shooting for the future, and like, but the desire to be successful is a shooting into the future, totally missing the past, and definitely not hanging out in the present, yeah? So.
So for all you listeners out there, please take a moment to celebrate everything that you have done thus far. Hang out in the presence of your reality in this very moment.
Adrienne
Oh my gosh, I love this so much. And I'm going to do a call to action around that. So on the Sugar Coated podcast or the She Leads Media Instagram, let's take some time to go over there and talk about how far we've come. What are some successes, even if they are not outward expressions.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Internal, internal, external. Yeah, internal, external.
Adrienne
external, internal, whatever, how far you've come, what you've been able to overcome personally, anything that you feel like is a measure of success that's important to you. Let's put that on the She Leads Media Instagram with the hashtag #sugarcoatedsuccess. Okay? #sugarcoatedsuccess. I love that so much. Bob, I could talk to you all day, and I do.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
#Sugarcoatedsuccess. That's awesome. That's so great.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Oh, there. Ha ha ha. Oh, there.
Adrienne
All day about everything. So this is an invitation to come back at a later time. And we'll have another conversation about another incredible topic. But I just want to thank you so much for your time today and all of your incredible wisdom. You are so interesting. I think that you're just interesting. You are fun as hell.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Thank you.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yeah.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Thanks, Babe.
Adrienne
I mean, I think people can get a sense for how much fun you are, and you are in the moment. You are.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
We're just.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
I mean, it's all there. It's like you and I are just so curious. Like how can we not like spin off into the, in the beautiful wide universe, right? So yeah, if, um, if you want to find more about me, please check me out on Instagram at Mahalo Massage NYC or my podcast at Bank the Fire. You can check me out on Spotify. I am on the She Leads Media Podcast Network and my business Mahalo Massage NYC - we are in Union Square, New York.
Adrienne
Yeah. Into the universe.
Adrienne
Amazing. So can so people need to make an appointment They have to contact you through their website or through your website or giving you a call. There's no walk-ins
Mrs Bob Gallagher
All right.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Yes. There are no walk-ins. Everything's by appointment only.Su
Adrienne
And this is not just any old massage. Let's just also say that this is intuitive. This is bi-directional. This is collaboration. And it's beautiful.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
This is intuitive and it's really about the embody, when I embody myself and I'm teaching my massage therapist to do this, when I embody myself, it's that much easier for me to be present to you and recognize what's going on with you. Yeah. If I can hold space for myself, that practice of holding space for myself allows me to be able to hold space for you. Yeah.
Adrienne
So everybody in the Sugar Coated audience, if you're not in the New York City area, get on a goddamn plane and go to Union Square and book an appointment with Mahalo Massage. It will change your life like it has changed mine. And so many of the other women that are in our Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses cohort, shout out to Tory Burch cohort number 5, New York City.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Join us, we welcome you.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Bye!
Adrienne
Yay. So just thank you so much. And I hope everybody has enjoyed this wonderful conversation.
Mrs Bob Gallagher
Thank you, love you, bye.
Adrienne
Love you.
