Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
In this episode of Real Talk, the host continues the “Rebuilding After Divorce” series by welcoming Maurice Webb to discuss how divorce reshaped his role as a father to three daughters, including learning new routines, managing school responsibilities, and creating emotional safety for his kids while grieving both divorce and his father’s death. Maurice shares struggles with isolation, depression, and the quiet of living alone, and emphasizes community, healthier outlets, and avoiding destructive coping. The conversation covers financial strain from child support, rent, health setbacks, and balancing entrepreneurship with taking a job for stability. They also discuss rebuilding through prayer, finding a church home, travel, fitness, nature, positive media, and daily habits, ending with hope, personal growth, accountability, and encouragement for men to find joy, love their kids, trust God, and lean on a strong circle.
00:00 Welcome to Real Talk
02:29 Meet Maurice
03:05 Impact on Fatherhood
05:06 Navigating Single Parenthood
07:49 Day to Day Changes
09:12 Emotional Intelligence and Nurturing
12:00 Dealing with Solitude
13:35 Finding Community Support
14:45 Isolation and Self Esteem
16:02 Getting Out the House
17:49 Financial Struggles
19:23 Health Challenges
21:12 Asking for Help
22:07 Budgeting and Providing
24:29 Investing in Yourself
24:44 Finding Spiritual Community
25:43 Mental Health and Nature
27:02 Joining the Right Gym
27:57 Vitamin Regimen and Self Care
28:32 Healing as Daily Practice
29:06 Mental Physical Spiritual Balance
30:30 Positive Input and Mindset
31:22 Fighting Unhealthy Thoughts
32:16 Training Your Algorithm
33:32 Reading and Personal Growth
34:13 Becoming a Different Man
34:33 What Hope Looks Like
36:12 Being There for Brothers
36:55 Not Giving Up on Marriage
38:21 Trying New Experiences
39:03 Scotland Travel Adventure
41:10 First Cruise Experience
41:50 Expanding Your World
43:03 Avoiding the Quicksand
44:13 Retiring Old Versions
45:30 Becoming a Better Dad
46:47 Growth Through Acceptance
48:50 Stronger Prayer Life
50:15 Final Words of Encouragement
Creators and Guests
What is Real Talk: Men, Divorce & Rebuilding?
Real Talk: Men, Divorce & Rebuilding is a podcast for men navigating life after separation, heartbreak, and major life transitions. Through honest conversations and real stories, we explore divorce, co-parenting, rebuilding confidence, finding love again, and growing into better fathers, brothers, and husbands. This is a space where men are heard, supported, and reminded they’re not alone. Whether you’re newly divorced, years removed, or still healing, this show exists to help you move forward with clarity, strength, and purpose. Your life did not end when your marriage ended. Now it's time to do the work so your "next" doesn't deal with the same things as your "ex."
Default_2026-03-28_3
===
[00:00:00] welcome back to Real Talk where men have real conversations about real life.
Speaker 2: Today we're building on something that hits home to many men. In our last episode, we sat down with Dennis and Muir for part one of Rebuilding After Divorce, stability, strength, and starting over. And that conversation we talked about real, honest and necessary feelings. We talked about the true effects of divorce, not just on us as men, but our children, and [00:01:00] also our day-to-day life.
That shift from building something with our former spouses to starting all over again. It's not easy. And one thing that we made clear is you are not alone. Too many men try to carry the weight by themselves, but healing happens in community. You've gotta find your circle. We also got into what it looks like to redefine stability after divorce.
Locking in on your kids, creating a safe space for them to express themselves and showing concerns about their day-to-day life, and also dealing with the uncertainties. And then we talked about invested in yourself, because if you don't heal, you'll bleed on people who didn't even cut you. That means taking care of your mental, physical, and spiritual health, whether it is through prayer, exercise, and just keep your mind focused on things that are positive.
We reminded each other that [00:02:00] there's life after divorce, there's still purpose after divorce, and there's still hope after divorce. And finally, we talked about investing in our brothers because as men, we need each other. We need each other as we go through this healing journey. You're not by yourself.
Grab a brother, be there for one another. So if you missed the last episode, make sure you go back and check it out because we laid the foundation for where we're going today. Today's conversation, I have the. Opportunity to speak with one of my brothers in Christ. I've got an opportunity to speak to this awesome guy, Maurice.
Well, he's someone who's walked through life situations and have come out on the other end, a stronger, better man. Come on, put your hands together as we bring the bring to the stage to the mic. Maurice, well please introduce yourself, brother.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, thank you so much for having me. This is such an honor and a privilege [00:03:00] man, and I'm excited to be here.
And thank you for that wonderful introduction.
Speaker 2: Also, I've known Maurice for years, man, I remember when the twins were first born, so, you know, it is been a long journey here with brother we, so first, let's talk about the impact of the divorce. If as it relates to being a father, you know, knowing that you have three young ladies.
Um, so how did divorce impact you as your role as a father?
Speaker: Wow, that's a deep question. Um, I'm trying to give it a simple answer. Um, well, it, it made me more of a father. Um, I think that, you know, going through divorce it exposed some things that. Um, you know, I had to step up and I was a single dad for the first time in my entire life.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, my daughters are, you know, they're, they're 15 going on 16, and then my youngest is eight. So for a long time, um, I was a two-parent home.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So that was a, that was a, a big adjustment. And, um, it was rough because I also, my, [00:04:00] my father passed away. While I was going through the divorce as well, so I had to travel back and forth to Michigan.
Um, it was rough man. It was rough. And, um, there was moments where I, I couldn't be there for my girls. Um, I just, all I could do is take 'em to school, come back home and get into bed and just cry the day away and then go back and pick them up. Um, you know, full transparency, man. There was moments where I was late picking my kids up from school 'cause.
I was just, couldn't get outta bed and school would be calling, Hey Mr. Webb, you gotta come get your kids. And um, I was just kind of, just try to get enough strength to get in the car and go get 'em. So it was rough. It was rough, man, but, um, but it, it definitely exposed me in terms of understanding that I needed to be a better man for them.
Even though they saw me in a really dark place, um, I'm glad that they were still in my life, so, mm-hmm. So me and mom spent split time, 50 50 and, um, so, so they're [00:05:00] still coming over every week and things are getting better, you know, so. Yeah, man, it's been great.
Speaker 2: Okay. I definitely understand the shift from the co-parenting as it relates to the girls with school because, you know I will say, you know, a lot of times my former wife, she did a lot of the homework type stuff, um, and I was there to help, but she probably did most of it.
And then going from a shift to now. The weeks that they're with me, you are the one making sure that the homework is done. You making sure the lunch gets packed. Yeah. Make sure to get to school on time because I drive 'em to school and pick 'em up. So all that is on you for an entire week, where before at a minimum we used to split it up.
Right? Because I know my youngest, she started off at a private school in kindergarten, and then my, um, oldest, she was already in the charter school. So. I took one to school and she took the other school. Now, thank God they both at the same school now, but still, you know, that getting them ready for [00:06:00] school, preparing the lunches make sure they got all, everything they need for school, um, where it was shared responsibility right now, at least for that week.
It is your responsibility. 100%. Yeah. So I definitely know that feeling and that shift from now, you gotta learn to carry the one again and you know and school is definitely different than what it was when we grew up.
Speaker: Man, listen, these kids is doing all kinds of stuff that we never learned, so. I'll be like YouTube Khan Academy.
Mm-hmm. They got big si. My little, my child got big sisters, so I'll be like this is y'all job now. Y'all, y'all gotta help daddy with this, with this homework, so.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: I put the food on the table. Y'all gotta help with homework. We got a little deal. Right. There you go. Work it out. Right.
Speaker 2: So I, yes. The a hundred percent Academy, that is my dude right now, because there's some things I'm like.
I don't know. Sure. We learned that you carry the one and you do this. Now they got this what? Blocks and all this kind of stuff. I'm like, yeah, YouTube University at Khan Academy definitely helped me out, you know, learning that
Speaker: they do [00:07:00] more math theory. We do. We just did arithmetic, like we did math.
'cause you had to count numbers and stuff. Like they do math based on logic and reasoning.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And I get it, but it's like, for us it's like. Yeah, our brains is fried. We right, we, we try to figure out how to get to work and get back home. We ain't thinking about no
Speaker 2: arithmetic like that, that part, you know, I've been, you know, all day because I'm a business analyst, so all day I'm analyzing all this data and stuff, and then now I gotta, you know, do learn about parameters and area.
I ain't did that in 20 somebody years. But thank God. For, you know, he brought it back to my mem memory. But yes, going through that, it's almost like you're in school again.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Um, especially because you're, they're teaching it a different way than we learned it when we grew up. So it's like now you have to relearn what they're teaching them, the way they're teaching them, so, yeah.
So, um, so we talked about this a little bit. What changes in your day-to-day relationship with your kids?
Speaker: Well, if I could kind of frame it around just, you know, a transition, [00:08:00] right? Everything is in transition when you're going through, um, a lot of life changes like that.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And that was something I couldn't frame in the beginning.
It was just all kind of just getting mixed up in the same bowl.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So I think what changed for me is just I didn't have a routine. I didn't have a schedule. Um, I didn't have, you know, I didn't know how to live. I had been with somebody for my entire adult life. So I had to learn how to do the soft skills and um, set schedules and start pulling out a calendar.
You know, I had to figure those things out and run a business, right? Mm-hmm. So, you know running a construction business and keeping up with customers and kids, there was times I forgot things. Um, and then I'm 40, man, I just hit 40, so, you know, that's another piece of it. I'm like, Lord, what's going on, man?
So that's why I wore my cowboy hat today, because it's been a hell of a ride.
Speaker 2: It definitely be fitting,
Speaker: definitely. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's been, it's been a ride. Okay. Mm-hmm. And so some days, man, it's [00:09:00] just like mashed potatoes. It's all running together, but
Default_2026-03-28_3: mm-hmm.
Speaker: You know, at the end, um, I was just talking to a young lady and you know, you, you gotta put that effort in, right?
Mm-hmm. Just gotta keep going and keep trying and keep trying to figure it out every day.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think one thing that is not talked about enough is how us as men have to carry the emotions of what's going on, right. Um, with our kids. Because one of the things that I try to make sure is a, have a safe space for my girls to talk because, you know, they're seven and 10.
Right. You know, they're, I'm depress. Doesn't look the same way as an adult, I'm depressed. Right? So I definitely make sure that I have an opportunity to, a, you need to talk to me. Daddy's here, you know, if you need somebody to talk to, daddy can hook you up with somebody that may have some PhDs behind their name, whatever it is.
You know, that's being the support for their kids. Because a lot of times, um, you know, as I say, well women are the nurturers. Mm. Well, guess what? The time with it, with us, we have to be that nurturer. Um, [00:10:00] un you know, unfortunately, because that piece is missing in the home, unless, until I find me another wife.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, the, the, the truth of the matter is that men are actually more nurturing than women.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: But we have not been taught how to express our emotions.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And so we hold them in because we don't know how to express them.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: But once we learn how to express our emotions. See, a lot of men have a lot of high iq mm-hmm.
But we don't have a lot of high eq. Mm. And so when you get in situations like going through a divorce, and now you're kind of thrusted into, especially with us as with girls, right? Mm-hmm. We, we, we understand that the woman that she's gonna become is rooted in the things that I pour into her now.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: So what happens is, is that.
It did kind of force me to start working on my EQ more.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And when I, once I started understanding what my EQ was, I could be both masculine with her in one sense, but I could also kind of tap into some of that feminine side and say. This is Dad's perspective on that. [00:11:00] And she was able, my kids were able to understand certain things because I started being more intentional about being emotional and I cried in front of them.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, like I said, I was going through a divorce and my father dying and passing away at the same time.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So I was double grieving. So there would be days I'd be grieving the fact that I'm single, there'd be days I was grieving the fact that my dad wasn't here and I couldn't call my dad to ask him a question.
Like, how do you deal with this? You've been through two divorces. How you, you gotta help me do this, pops right? And so I was mad, I was angry. I was. Disbelief. Mm-hmm. I went through that grief cycle many times.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And then I was, I started dating before I was supposed to, so, um, 'cause I, I was bored man, and I didn't wanna deal with it.
I didn't wanna deal with any of it, so I just numbed the pain with, you know, getting out the house and trying to. Just escape it.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker: But once I started being honest with myself
Speaker 2: mm-hmm.
Speaker: Man, it was a powerful time. Powerful time.
Speaker 2: Yeah. [00:12:00] Yeah. The emotions of divorce. 'cause like, and I make the analogy, the, the walls be talking, you know, it's just like when you, especially the, the weeks when the girls aren't there, it's like you're sitting there.
And your new norm, your new space, your new apartment. Yeah. Your new, you know, and it's like, you know, I'm used to hearing the kids run around or the wife talking to you or just, just not being solitude, you know? Right. And it's just being there by yourself is just, um, yeah. A lot of emotions. A lot of emotions.
Speaker: And, and let me add too, that. We, we, we kind of came up in ministry a little bit together, became elders. Were we in the same class? Did we go through our elder? Okay.
Default_2026-03-28_3: I
Speaker 2: went a little bit earlier
Speaker: than earlier. Okay. So we became elders. Um, and we had community, right? We kind of had built in community. We had our, our, our colleagues in ministry.
And the Lord had, um. We, we left the church. We were at, we, we left our, our church and we didn't have a church because then we went through COVID.
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: [00:13:00] And so I didn't have a church home. My father was dying and passing away. I was going through a divorce.
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And now I'm thrusted into to being a single dad.
Mm-hmm. Noncustodial parent.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Dealing with the back and forth of trying to do a separation agreement and you got the kids this and you supposed to take 'em here and all of that. So I was really in a really dark place because I didn't have any tools on how to navigate any of that. And so. That was, that was hard, man.
Yeah. I mean that first year was just tough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can imagine. 'cause it was tough for me with help. Yeah. You know, I still did have a circle, um, and I still, you know, I was still at the church and, um, pastor, we and him had several conversations to kind of help the healing process through and then some of the brothers of the church, yeah, we were able to talk.
But you break up a very valid point going through this during the COVID years was. Crazy. You know, because you don't go to the church, you all you [00:14:00] see is online, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Um, so just everything that was going on leading for me was leading up to the divorce. The divorce happened after COVID, but some of the stuff that led up to was during the COVID years.
Yeah. And you don't have that, Hey, I need somebody to talk to, just real quick, you know? Um, because we weren't allowed to be, you know?
Speaker: Yeah. And, and I tell you, um, I didn't also, I didn't know how to not share so much. Um, I shared everything because I didn't know what to not share and I was grieving and I just, things would come out and I was trying not to talk about it, but then I ended up talking about it too much.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And I would get off the phone with people and I'd be like, man, I just tell my whole life to a stranger what's going on here? And I would be crying about that. Like, man, what's, what am I doing? Mm-hmm. So then I become isolated and typically men become isolated when we are. Um, when we don't know how to navigate challenges, we typically kind of go into our caves.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Some of us go into playing [00:15:00] video games or we, we, you know, don't wanna come outside, we don't wanna be social. And depending on what age you are and how you feel about yourself, um, I felt very horrible about myself. My, my self-esteem was very low.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, and you just don't know what to do with that.
You just don't know what to do with that. So, so, um, that was a lot. And like I said, being in an apartment, I, I'm, you know, I've been, last time I was in an apartment was in college, you know? Right. So I'm like, man, I'm back in an apartment, got people on top of me. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to sleep, ah, this is too much.
Mm-hmm. And so. Um, I remember one day just being in my apartment and I was like, this is the first time I could actually hear my thoughts.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: It's that quiet.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: I've been in a house with kids and kids run around for the last 20 years.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker: So to be in a place now where I'm like, I can actually hear my thoughts, it scared me.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And, um, you know what I did? I started traveling, I was like, I gotta get outta here. Yes. I gotta see something else.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And um, that gave me a lot of, like, hope that [00:16:00] the future was brighter than my past.
Speaker 2: You know, you bring up a very valid point here. 'cause I had to do the same thing because being in the house was very depressing to me.
So I was like, I had to fine stuff to do. Like I would go bowling, I would go. To the mall, and I'm not a mall guy. Like I, I'm not that dude. Yeah. But I had to go to the mall just to get out the house, you know, find something to do that was not at the house. I mean, there would be times where I, you know, I was getting off, say, five o'clock and I would not go home because home was.
Solitude again. So I would go and yeah, just drive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I would go the gym. I, oh, I lost weight. I lost weight back then I was in gym.
Speaker: Hey, you look good too, man.
Speaker 2: Thank sir. Thank you.
Speaker: Look bump, man. I gotta get there. I gotta get there.
Speaker 2: So like me and the gym, like I was in the gym all the time, so just finding outlets too.
And I would say that to guys as well. Find an outlet. Don't stay stuck in the house because that could honestly. Be the worst thing because you can't hear your thoughts. Right. And sometimes you are the worst person to listen to when you're going through depression.
Speaker: [00:17:00] Yeah. And there's a book that's called, um, don't listen to Everything You Think.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: And it's a powerful book because it really deals with that. Mm-hmm. Because sometimes, um, and, and this is one of the things too, most men don't know how to take care of themselves health wise. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: So
Speaker: we don't know how to get enough sleep. We don't know how to shut things off. We don't know how to shut the computer to social media.
Mm-hmm. So those things start running rapid. When you're going through a very stressful time mm-hmm. Because your body just wants to feed on any dopamine or anything that will take your mind away from
Speaker 2: mm-hmm.
Speaker: You, you know, that's painful. Yeah. So you gotta not think, you gotta start acting. And, and part of that is getting out and going to art museums and I.
Food shows and concerts and festivals. Mm-hmm. Get around people.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: You don't have to be interactive with people all the time, but just get out the house. Mm-hmm. Because that is a dangerous place when you're going through a very stressful time.
Speaker 2: Yes, a hundred percent. So let's talk, so let's go a little bit deeper.
Let's talk about, um, your livelihood. How did that change when going from a two income household to by yourself [00:18:00] now?
Speaker: Oh my gosh. The money. We're talking about the money, right? We're talking
Speaker 2: about the money.
Speaker: Okay. So we're talking about the money. Um, I was paying child support, paying rent for the first time by myself, trying to keep food on the table, um, and running a business.
So there was ups and downs and a lot of cyclical moments of things coming back up. Um, constantly kind of running outta money. And, um, I had to go to God and ask the Lord to help me to manage better, to steward better. Um, when you're in a two-parent home for a long time, a lot of your. Imperfections get covered because you got somebody that's helping you out.
So if you spend too much money in one month, be like, okay, um, well, you know, hey, can you cover that bill? I'll get it next month or something. You have some help. But when you become, um, you, you get to a place where you're single and, and you got child support. 'cause you know, they, that's another part that I never like, well, I gotta pay you to take care of these kids.
[00:19:00] They could, you know, 'cause I'm 50 50, so they still come to me. Mm-hmm. And that was a thing. You know, I'm like, God, what I gotta do all of this.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker: Do it. Yeah. And so I was angry about that.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So a lot of, a lot of angry spending, like, mm-hmm well, I gotta pay rent, why I gotta do this. Mm-hmm. And then it was like, okay, at some point you gotta accept what is
Speaker 2: correct.
Speaker: And I'll tell you, um, I, I also went through a, a health issue. My blood pressure just went through the roof and I couldn't get my medication. Mm-hmm. And I ended up in the hospital for four days. First time I had been admitted to the hospital, um, in my life.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So I lost opportunities to work because, um, I had that going on and then I blew out my knee.
Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
Speaker: So, um. Financially, it really strained me. And, um, glory be to God. I have secured some contracts this year [00:20:00] that will help me to kind of catch up and get back on track. But. I had to also go and get a job mm-hmm. For the first time. I, you know, I had to go and really say, I gotta work both, I gotta get a job from health insurance benefits and mm-hmm.
And then I gotta work my business so that, um, I hedge against, you know, a, a very volatile economy.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And so it was, it was tough, man. And it, and, and to be honest with you, I'm still kind of coming outta some of that, but, mm-hmm. I'm not afraid of failure like I was before, like, oh my gosh, what if I run outta money, man, I'd run outta money so many times.
Mm-hmm. And had to figure some stuff out and had to call people and put my pride down.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: But that's what God wanted. I think God wanted to show me that you do have help. It's just not what you think it should look like, but there's help. There's people that are rocking with you and I need you.
Sometimes God will tell you, I need you to call your brother. And sometimes people gonna have to call you.
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And I want you to remember this [00:21:00] moment because you need them and they need you. And we are our brothers keeper. So get you some guys with some money. Get some money. Some guys who got a little money because sometimes you might need help.
Mm-hmm. You, you might need help. And I just wanna encourage men that when you're going through something, don't be so afraid to say, I'm going through it.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: They might not be able to help you financially, but I can pray for you and I might know somebody that can help you that. Hey, call my man right here.
He's got a a opportunity and you got the free time. Call him.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And y'all link up and that's gonna help you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, so it's, it is sometimes it's about just humbling yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: And that's what I had to do, man. Just had to say, God threw my hands up.
Default_2026-03-28_3: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2: Hey, I definitely understand that.
And going back to community, you know, make sure you have a good circle around you that when you do have, you know, those moments of, Hey bro, my life's about to get turned off. You know, can I get a couple hundred dollars? You know what I'm saying? So it's definitely important to have those people around you, and not even just [00:22:00] for the financial, but just for, but it is good to have somebody with a little piece of money in their pockets because you are going through this new stage.
I would say for me, I had to learn how to budget because like you said, when you got another income coming in. No big deal. You know, I, I overspent this week, her check coming next week, you know, but it's like when you're on your own, it's like your check coming this week, your check ain't coming again for another two weeks.
So you have to have a budget, have to have an emergency fund. All those things that we learned, we learned. Now you actually have to apply those things, you know, the whole Dave Ramsay principle and stuff. You have to learn those things. You have to actually implement those things till not. Yeah, you gonna be on the streets.
Yeah. And then the big thing is I never want to disappoint my daughters.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker 2: So that's why I grind so hard. Right? Because if it's something that they want, I want to be able to provide them with that. And I think that's the man's heart, or father's heart anyway. You know, we want to make sure our kids are always good.
Mm-hmm. That our kids never go without. You know, my kids are in charter school, [00:23:00] those uniforms are $25 a piece.
Speaker: Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's just the top. You still got bottoms to go.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it's like, so making sure they always have everything that they need or even, and some of their wants. You know, I, I, I think I think I mentioned this in the last episode, I kind of spoiled my girls at the beginning because.
They were going through something that they've never gone through before and I wanted them to always feel safe.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: You know, daddy got 'em.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker: Yeah. I agree. Um, you know, having girls, man, the girls are expensive, you know. Yeah. It hair products. Mm-hmm. Clothes, um, you know, I take my daughters on a trip every year.
Daddy daughter trip. I've been doing it since they were seven. Mm-hmm. It's be 16, so it's been a little while.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And last year we went to DC This year we're gonna Chicago. And I wanted to keep my promise so that that motivated me.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, I took on jobs that I probably, you know, would never take on before, but, hey man, listen, it'll make a man outta you.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And that's good [00:24:00] because it, it helps us to reshape our focus and just always to let our daughters know man or our kids know that resilience is a powerful thing.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And you can tap into certain parts of yourself when you need to. Gotta put your mind to it.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, you know, I started a whole nother business.
Um, you know, I started another business, worked hard on the business I already had. Mm-hmm. And also went and got a nine to five, so. Mm-hmm. Hey, listen man, we do what we gotta do.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: We do what we gotta do.
Speaker 2: So let's shift to rebuilding, investing in yourself. So, I know you've hit on some of it, but now we're gonna focus on a little bit.
How did you invest in your mental, physical, and spiritual being?
Speaker: Okay. That's a great question. So I'm try to tackle those one by one spiritually. Um, I really had to pray about a new church home because I wanted to be back out in community. I wanted to be I wanted to hear the word, I wanted to hear that, that, that [00:25:00] praise and worship, right?
Been in church a long time and I appreciate what that provides for me, um, that environment. So that was something that I prayed about and I started visiting churches. Um, I wouldn't say anything. I'd just kind of sit in the back, you know? Um, I'm kind of, I got a good little bit of a name in the community, so people would see me and be like, oh, I know who that is.
And I'd be like, no, you don't. You know, I'm not here right now because I just wanted to just be out the way. Mm-hmm. I remember one time I was at a church and the guy was like, oh. You supposed to be up there and I'm like, nah, man, I'm supposed to be right here. Just taking it all in and rebuilding and finally found a church home and said, okay, I'm gonna make a decision on place this year and, and get back in and, and, and get back active.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: That was one thing. I think mentally, you know, we in, we in North Carolina, so we have some great places to visit here, like the beach, the mountains.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So I encourage guys to get away. Um, a, a tank of gas. I mean, right now it's kind of, kind of high, but I mean, a tank of gas could get you to [00:26:00] water or the mountains.
Those two places to me have been, um, great places of solace. I like to be around the ocean because those waves are therapeutic. Um, if you study anything about nature, nature is its own type of therapy.
Speaker 2: Hmm.
Speaker: So if you can't afford therapy. You can afford to take a, take a Saturday and, you know, go to the beach.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, take, get you, get you cooler and get you your favorite drinks in a book or some headphones or something and just hang out at the beach, man. Um, it's very therapeutic. So that's something I look forward to. Um, I think the other thing is like, like you just getting back in the gym, I started, um, I read something in a book that said Buy, buy.
One thing you should buy later in your life is professional friends.
Speaker 2: Hmm.
Speaker: And what they were talking about is, so memberships, clubs, organizations where people are, are already curating, um, healthy thinking processes. So. When you join certain [00:27:00] gyms, there's a certain demographic.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So you, you're already putting yourself in the circle of people that they're not working out just to look good.
They're working out to survive, to, um, work on their mental health so they don't crash out and things like that. Mm-hmm. So I joined burn Bootcamp. Now here's the thing. I wanted to join the gym where it wasn't about trying to pick up a woman
Speaker 4: mm-hmm.
Speaker: Because I knew that that would be a distraction. I joined a place where I knew, you know, this is not my demographic.
These are not type of people I'm typically around, but these people working out.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So it, it got me to focus on just coming in, working out, going home, Hey, how you doing? And kept it moving. Mm-hmm. And that, I did that for a whole year and just, I learned so much about myself.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, so those are the types of things that I, I, I incorporate now in my daily life.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: That help me to, um. Just to get better. And the last thing I'll say. Mm-hmm. Fellas, get you a [00:28:00] vitamin regimen.
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker: Get you a vitamin regimen because. We put our bodies through a lot and you gotta replenish. And that's part of taking care of yourself is you gotta replenish. Listen, these knees is not 20 no more.
Okay? So to my future wife, if I gotta propose to you, just gimme a little minute to get down on one knee, it's gonna take me a little. These knees ain't the same as before.
Speaker 2: Definitely not a 20 row knee. Definitely not.
Speaker: They not the same. Okay? So, um, but you gotta take care of yourself. And so those are some of the things that I do.
Speaker 2: You know, you said something that, I mean, was profound, the word daily.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: See, a lot of times people, healing is a process. It's not a one time thing. Yeah. So, oh, I went to the gym today. Okay. And then don't go for another month. No. It has to be part of your daily routine, I pray today. No, and it'd be part of a daily routine.
That's it. Or, you know, go to church. It is a routine of Sunday, Wednesday or whatever. You know, your regular, you know, your regular services are, but. [00:29:00] Making it a lifestyle.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think is very important, um, for your mental and physical being. Um, mentally you wanna make sure that you're in a good head space for your kids.
Yeah. In a good head space for your future spouse, you wanna be also for the people that God has placed in your life. You know, we both are ministers, we mm-hmm. We share the gospel. But if you're not in a good head space, you're not gonna be able to minister to someone who needs what's in you.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker 2: So making sure you take care of that mental, make sure you are physical, because when it comes to physical, if you are broken down, you're in the hospital once again, you can't be out there for your kids. You know, my kids are 10 and seven, so if somebody, Eddie, want to go running, you know, if my body's broken down, I can't go for a run.
Right. You know, um, I'm teaching them how to ride bikes without the training wheels. Mm-hmm. If I'm broken down, I can't be out there for them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know, and spiritually spiritually. I gotta have be solid. Me and me and God's relationship gotta be solid.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker 2: You know, I do a lot of ministry work, but that's working in [00:30:00] ministry also.
It gotta be a relationship with you and God.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: And that is a big thing that goes with studying the scripture. That goes to having an active prayer life. Um, and also listen to some good gospel music.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: You know, 'cause sometimes you get inspirations from there. And the, and honestly, and, and I did not think of this until my pastor brought it up.
There are certain secular songs that may minister to you.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: Um, but my point behind that piece of the puzzle is find something that speaks to your situation, that lifts you up.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Um, because you need constant pouring in.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And I, I like those YouTube motivational you know, 30 minute, 40 minute, 50 minute, you know, get back out there, do it again.
Mm-hmm. You know, um, I'll listen to those while I'm, you know, headed back from dropping my daughter off at school, and that would be part of my daily routine.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So instead of getting on the phone and complaining and griping about my situation, I just try to listen to something that would give me.
Some perspective because, you know, the Bible talks about he didn't have a ear, let him [00:31:00] hear. Right? So it is conditioning yourself to be sensitive to things that are going to, um, activate a certain part of yourself and you gotta hear it, right? Mm-hmm. You gotta hear the word, you gotta hear those things constantly over and over and over again, because what you're trying to do is you're trying to fight against all of those old belief systems.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, I think when you go through a divorce, I think what it un uncovers is how many unhealthy thoughts you had.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: Because when you're trying to survive, your mental, your mental state is the most important thing. Mm-hmm. Right? So as a man, think if so is he right? Mm-hmm. Um, and so if you're thinking is stinking.
You are going to be constantly in a bitter state or mm-hmm. A, a state of anger.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And, um, the Bible says that anger arrested in the bosom of fools. So you become a fool because you're controlled by something that you should be controlling.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: You become a [00:32:00] city without walls.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker: You become a man that has no boundaries, right?
Mm-hmm. You're a dangerous man in a way that is, um. Not good to your children or to yourself.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And so you become that unhealed man
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker: That a lot of people talk about.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker: Um, and I just think that, you know, if you're gonna engage in any type of social media or anything like that, try to train your algorithm to give you positive stuff.
So scroll past the. The in proclivities, the naked women, the, the, you know, the, the red pill talk. 'cause you, you don't need to see or hear any of that right now. You need good soul food so that as you build yourself mm-hmm. You build yourself in a way that is positive and. Yeah, you got a lot of stuff that you went through.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: But man, you can come out better on this thing.
Speaker 2: Yes. And, and I agree with you on that, even with the whole podcast thing, because that was my constant, especially when I was dropping the girls off to school. On my way back home, I'm, I worked from my home. So on my way back home, I would [00:33:00] listen to different podcasts that were inspirational.
I didn't even, a lot of times I didn't even listen to music because I wanted to listen to those positive podcasts because I wanted to shift what I was thinking. And I think the saying goes, nothing positives come from a negative mindset. So if you're constantly on the negative, your life is gonna start to reflect that negative.
Mm-hmm. So you have to pour in something positive into your in, into you, in order to become a, this positive guide that God has called you to be.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: You don't wanna get stuck in that negative.
Speaker: Yeah. And I like audio audible I have that on my phone. Mm-hmm. Man, I, I hear, I'll hear somebody talk about a certain book.
Mm-hmm. And I'll just immediately go and download it, you know? Mm-hmm. And, um, just listen to it while I'm working.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And you find yourself, sometimes you'll read a book and you're like, okay, why did I need to read that? But then you'll look up and you're actually doing some of those things. 'cause you're training your subconscious to be different and healthy now because again.
Sometimes you, you, you, you never [00:34:00] worked on those skills.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: You just was married. Right. And you kind of depended on somebody else, or you just never dealt with it, or you suppressed it.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And when you go through a divorce, you gotta, you gotta uncover some things, especially if you want to get better.
And, and I want to get married again. So I knew that I wanna be a different man the next time around. I don't want to just say, okay, it was her or this or that. I wanna change,
Speaker 2: right?
Speaker: I wanna change so that the person that I marry gets a different version of me. And that's where the hard work is done. But that's where the, the greatest reward is.
Speaker 2: Yes, I agree. And we'll down to our last segment, what does hope look like for you today?
Speaker: Great question. I think hope today looks like, um, I'm much more secure in myself. I think that's important because sometimes your children, going back to our kids, sometimes, like you say, you wanna give them everything that you feel like they need in this time, but sometimes it's just, I can't give you what I haven't given myself.
So hope for me [00:35:00] looks like being able to constantly question my identity and make sure that I'm, I'm, I'm pleasing the Lord, glorifying God. Um, am I accountable in my community? And when I say my community, the brotherhood, you know, am I contributing to make sure that I'm doing my part to encourage my brothers, you know, I texted you the other day, man.
I watched episode one and I said, you know, great job, man. You know, keep going. Mm-hmm. Now you got a real, you know, now. This brother got a real subtle way of like, he don't show no expression. He just thumbs up,
thumbs up. Say, man, I'm trying to encourage you here, man. You can say, you know, you can say, Hey appreciate that bro. Man, we doing, you know nothing man. Just bye man. My man, everybody knows that when you hit the thumbs up, that's kind of like cussing at you really? Because what is this? What is this? Apple?
Get rid of this because we hate it. It says [00:36:00] like, but the thumb, the thumbs up, just kind of like so dismissive. But anyway yeah, man, you know, just kind of being, trying to get back out there and be an encouragement to others and,
Speaker 2: mm-hmm.
Speaker: Just, just be a good person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and just to piggyback on it, um, being there for my brothers that are going through some of the same things.
I sit back, um, accidentally ran into somebody at the gas station one time, just casual conversation, and then I told him about the podcast. He was, oh man, I'm going through the exact same thing, you know, you know, my, you know, my, my wife told me we getting a divorce, you know, it came outta nowhere. You know, we are good church people.
And it just like outta the blue, she was like, yeah, I'm done with marriage. Mm-hmm. You know, so just being there for people who. Going through some of the similar things that we've gone through. Yeah. This PO kind of the purpose of this podcast. Like, yo, there's a conversation that's not being had. Yeah. That need to be hurt.
Speaker: Yeah, man. Absolutely. Um, yeah, you know, unfortunately, um, there, we've [00:37:00] reached a groundswell in a lot of young marriages, and in the last 2015 years it has taken us you know, to a place where we've ran outta skills. We've ran out of reasons to love one another.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, but on the other side, there's people who wanna do it again.
They wanna get better at it, so there's hope there. Mm-hmm. It's just. It's, it's a harsh reality. Mm-hmm. And I don't have a answer to why people say I didn't wanna give up on it. Um, I know the next time I do, it'll be the last time I do it, so. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to get it right within myself this time so that I can prepare myself for my new bride one day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely understand because this is like, I don't want my nexts to deal with issues from my ex. Yeah. You know? So when it comes to hope as. To me, I look at hope as not giving up on this thing called marriage.
Speaker: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What'd you say? You said I don't want my next to deal with things from my ex bars.
Speaker 2: Hey, you know, so, but it's very true, man. I don't want my ex my next [00:38:00] to have to deal with things from my ex. I'm stealing
Speaker: that, putting it on t-shirt,
Speaker 2: right? So it's like, it's all about make sure you're healing, make sure you're right, and not giving up on hope. Because the thing is this, um. Faith without works is dead.
So I have faith that I'm gonna get married again, so I'm gonna work on myself to become a better self for my next.
Speaker: And, and listen guys, have fun, man. You know, I, I'm, I went to my first trail ride. That's why I'm racking my cowboy hat, man. I done tried some new things. I got exposed. Mm-hmm. I said, you know, there's things I've never done in my life.
Yeah. And I'm, I get an opportunity to do it now as a single man. I get to go hang out in places. And I went to Houston for the first time. Try some, you know, some cubo and mm-hmm. I mean, you just, you gotta live man. Yeah. You gotta get back out there and just keep living. Mm-hmm. And enjoying life. And there's so much out here, man.
Oh, yeah. And, and there's love again. There's hope again, if you want that. Mm-hmm. You can, you can get better, man. Yeah. I, I call it. I call it alchemy. If we, you know, if you ever studied the term alchemy, what that really means is just [00:39:00] absorb all of those things and let it make you better.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And speaking of changes, when, you know, in this single state, I had an opportunity to fly all the way to Scotland.
Speaker: Okay. I didn't
Speaker 2: know that. Yeah. Yeah. How
Speaker: was that?
Speaker 2: That was amazing once I finally got there, because getting, there was a headache, you know, from the delays at airports and changing flights. Yeah. Changed from a united, an American flight to international flight. It was a headache. But once I got there, it was amazing, man.
Got to try haggis. Which is, I think this is illegal to the United States, but over there in Scotland, that's a normal thing.
Speaker: What is that weed? Is that,
Speaker 2: no, it's not weed. It's a dish. It's a dish. It is, um, I think like intestines of something, mix in with some grains and all that kind stuff. It is really, really good.
You just can't bite it over here,
Speaker: man. That sounds like some chitlins, man. Whatcha talking about?
Speaker 2: It's definitely not like chitlins at all. At all. But it was really cool experience. Gotta see the cos, which we call cows here, but they call 'em cos over there. [00:40:00] And
Speaker: just mo
Speaker 2: cos cos yeah, basically it's a really hairy looking cow.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker 2: So that was a cool experience seeing the highlands and just seeing all the castles and like it really, if you ever seen any medieval time movies. Just go to Scotland. That's what it looks like.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker 2: So there was dope experience. My sister, she lives over there. Her and her family lives over there.
Nice. It's a good, a chance to hang out with my my nieces and her and her husband out there. Um, just getting away. Get away. Got my passport signed, you know. Nice. Almost got stuck in Germany.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was an experience because what happened was I didn't know you had to sign your passport before you left.
Speaker: Yeah,
Speaker 2: yeah. So I made it all the way to Germany and then the, the lady was like, um, sir, you do know this gotta be signed, right? Yeah. If the wrong person sees this. It could be bad.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was like, Ooh, okay. So I went in to sign and everything. So you imagine getting stuck in Germany, like sister, um, I don't know what to do.[00:41:00]
You know, I don't speak German and I, I, you know, I need to get home, you know, so that was a, a funny experience there in Scotland. But, um, I. Well getting into Scotland, but it was pretty cool, a cool experience. Also, I went on my first cruise.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I went
Speaker: on a cruise.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That was cool. Yeah, so that was a great experience there.
Three day cruise, three days, Fortnite, cruise. Um, great experience, great food. I promise you. They try to feed you all day.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Like I know I gained weight on that cruise. That was a good experience. And actually on a cruise, met a couple of people from all over the world and just chit chatted. Learned about them.
They learned about me just meeting new people. Yeah. You know, and it goes back to what we talked about before getting out the house, you know, that way live. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Your life did not end when your marriage ended.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's just a new phase of your life.
Speaker: And, and there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a quote to go with that.
It says, once your mind has seen better or bigger. It cannot go back to smaller. Mm. So when you expose yourself to other [00:42:00] cultures, other geographical regions
Speaker 2: mm-hmm.
Speaker: Man, it just opens your whole world up.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: And you can't never see your current reality the same again.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: So traveling is a is a beautiful thing.
You know, I, I actually take a lot of plays from women.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Women travel. Women like to try new food. Women like to go places. Take some outta their playbook, get on Instagram and type in black women that travel. And I promise you, bro, you'll learn everything you need to know.
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: You know, fashion you get, get, you get around people that are doing things that are different than what you've ever done, and just try one of them, man.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm telling you, it is just opened you up. So many things. I'm a much more happy and joyful person now because I understand that my challenges and my, my divorce or whatever is not the end.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker: It's, it's not the end man. Mm-hmm. Actually. When you, when you've gone through heartbreak, you actually can love harder and, and more thoroughly.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Now heartbreak is hard.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker: But when you come on the other side of it, mm-hmm. Man, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2: [00:43:00] Yeah, I definitely understand getting on that other side. And fellas don't give up in the middle because I think a lot of times that's where guys they mess up, where they get stuck on the divorce and they, they, they, they're in that quicksand.
Yeah. You know? Then they like, you know, it messes with their career because they're making bad decisions at work. It messes with their health because they're making bad health choices. Whether it be alcoholism, whether it be drug is, whether it be, I mean, promiscuity, you know, like, Hey, you know, I'm done with this man.
I'm gonna have sex with everybody now. Yeah. You know, they make bad decisions that in the end hurt him. Versus fighting healthy ways, like you said, traveling, trying new foods. Yeah. Trying different experiences. Um, somebody trying to get me to bungee jump. I ain't got that yet. I ain't got that yet. So but you know, that, that may be something I try one day.
Yeah. But you know, try something that you just, just scare yourself, you know? Yeah. Do something. Find yourself in a space that you never would've thought of, you know? You know, if you've never been to Vegas, yeah. Go to Vegas. If you've never been to another [00:44:00] country, visit another country. This is your opportunity to, I wouldn't say reinvent yourself, but learn who you are.
Speaker: Well, that's part of reinventing yourself Yeah. Is actually digging out the person that you were.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: You know, I posted on my Instagram, I talked about when I turned 40, retiring the old version of myself.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: Because 40 was a great, um, demarcation for me to say, you know what? I get to now kind of really architect my life.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And if you start learning about age 40 is really where people like wake up. Mm-hmm. They, they become more alive, they become more. Conscious. They start becoming more accepting of things that are, and things that are not, and they just move forward.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think that was a great place for me to just say, I'm gonna make a choice to not let my thirties and twenties and the mistakes I made be the end of my life.
You know, people say that the, they'll say that whatever I was. I only was operating with the knowledge I had at that time.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker: [00:45:00] And so, so you gotta give yourself some grace. Mm-hmm. And, and, and just go back to God, man. You know, um, going back to my first love was so pivotal for me.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And just, just having that little boy joy when I first got saved and first love the Lord and saying to myself like, man, there's nothing too hard for God, man.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: So why am I letting myself just. Wallow in this.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Pick yourself up, put that hat on and go, man. You know, so that's, that was kind of my, um, you know, my start to. Reinventing myself and man, I'm a much better person and I'm a happier dad today too.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: I'm much more fun with my kids. Um, I'm not so critical about every little small thing.
Um, and I'm, I'm involved in their life, you know, so I'm proud of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker: Um, and that doesn't mean you won't have challenges, right? That doesn't mean you won't have resistance. Things will happen. But you, it will help you to become the better version of yourself. 'cause you'll be like, listen, that stuff is what it is, but it ain't going to stop [00:46:00] me today.
Speaker 2: There you go. Hey, you know, you hit on something when you were in your twenties, you only had 20 years worth of knowledge.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker 2: Now you're in your forties. Like, wait a minute. Okay. So I've seen some things. That's right. I've experienced some things and then some things that we thought it was the end of the world in our twenties.
It's like, yeah. It's not a big deal anymore 'cause you understand that certain things are temporary, certain things aren't worth the energy. Um, I would say I'm definitely calmer now than I was in my twenties because, you know, my parents know I had a temper back then. But now in my forties after living life, I've certain things that used to really just rile me up.
Yep. Yeah, just, you know, eh, you know, that type of thing. So I definitely understand the growth. Um, and I guess and then I'll we'll end on this. Um, before we give you a final, what area do you feel that going through a divorce forced you to grow the most? Or where have you grown the most as a man?[00:47:00]
Speaker: I, I won't say going through the divorce, I would say the part of accepting my life at this stage, um, and the divorce was obviously part of that.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, I think the most important thing for me was to control my lust. Um, because when you go through this period, there is a chemical release that you want to.
Go out there and be wild and crazy. So I had to kind of deal with that. And, um, my attachment issues, my abandonment issues as a child really started to rear their ugly head. You don't get away from your childhood guys, so you gotta deal with it. And um, so I had to really look at, um, that part of my life and there was some shame there.
And one of the things that I had to do is say. What am I wasting my time on? Because I don't have as much as I used to have and it's valuable. [00:48:00] So time and opportunities became the two things that became my central focus. Um, time, because it's limited.
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Only get so much in a day and you only get so much in your lifetime.
But also opportunity is if you do it right, you can rebuild, you can re rebound. You can bounce back stronger.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So those are two things that I focus on now a lot, and they've helped me to kind of keep the focus where it needs to be. So I date different now. Um, I'm looking at things much more linear in terms of where do we want to be in five years, 10 years from now.
Um, also with the opportunities that I have in front of me is to say, how do we maximize 'em? Mm-hmm. How do we include other people? How do we do everything we can to be great at this? So. Yeah, those two things have helped me a lot.
Speaker 2: Good. Okay. And I would say for me, areas that I had to grow in is definitely, it forced me to have a stronger prayer life [00:49:00] because.
I felt like, like for me, it was a big shift in my faith when I first started going through it because it was like, you know, I did everything that I thought I was supposed to do as Christian. I'm like, this ain't supposed to happen to me. You know, God, you, you, you know, but. It actually forced me to grow closer to God.
'cause I knew that he was the only one that I could depend on. A hundred percent.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: So from a spiritual standpoint, that is why it's forced me to spend more time in my words, spend more time in prayer and just, God, I lean on you and trust in you, and also learn to control what you can control.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know, I think sometimes we try to control everything and in doing so, going through a divorce, it's like, okay, there are things you have zero control over. You learn to categorize things in your life. As such, you can't control a person's. Um. What other people do.
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2: You can't control the weather, you can't control, there's certain things in your life you can't [00:50:00] control.
So I say, God, I put it in your hands and let you do what you can do with it. 'cause God can control everything. That's right. So I would say for me, it, I taught, it taught me to put things in God's hand and not try to control things so much.
Speaker: Yeah. That's good man. Yep.
Speaker 2: So, alright, so Maurice what's some final words for the brothers?
Speaker: Final word would be, um, find joy. And find the Lord and love your kids man, through all of it. Um, they're watching us. So try to be the best example and pray about every decision. Just execute on the things that you know God has put in you.
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Amen. And I, I'm gonna leave you with this one thing.
Trust in God and have you a good circle. Find some good brothers because you not alone in this. Healing is a community thing. Brothers be there for one another, strengthen one another and we're gonna make it to the other [00:51:00] side. And this is another episode of Real Talk. Well, we talk with real men about real conversations with real solutions.
Have a blessed one.