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Jake and Rach talk their biggest passions, pitfalls, and everything in between
Jake Scott: [00:00:00] Welcome to Biggest Fan.
Rachel Scott: Welcome to Biggest Fan. We just had a little, I'd say like 0.5 out of 10 fight.
Jake Scott: That little?
Rachel Scott: Yeah.
Jake Scott: Yes, yeah.
Rachel Scott: No, point 10.
Jake Scott: Point, point one?
Rachel Scott: Point, point 10 out of a hun- a very, very tiny little 10.
Jake Scott: We are excellent at math and that's actually our next episode is how it counts.
Rachel Scott: Anyway, we love each other.
We worked it out. Welcome back to Biggest Fan. Jake has a handheld mic now too.
Jake Scott: I do. I am a free, free girlie.
Rachel Scott: Oh, in charge of his own destiny ready Rob.
I
Jake Scott: can't tell if I love it or hate it, but here we are.
Rachel Scott: He loves it.
Jake Scott: We're evolving.
Rachel Scott: Mm-hmm.
Jake Scott: Um- Hi. Hi. How you feeling?
Rachel Scott: Well, I am, you'll find out in two seconds why I'm a little, I'm a little nervous.
Jake Scott: A little nervous.
Rachel Scott: Yeah.
Jake Scott: Well, today's a special day because we're talking about you.
Rachel Scott: Yep.
Jake Scott: All about you.
Rachel Scott: Mm-hmm.
Jake Scott: We get to hear the story of Rachel Kirkendall Scott. Oh. And I'm excited.
Rachel Scott: I know.
Jake Scott: You're not?
Rachel Scott: Well, I'm really, [00:01:00] really ... I so prefer to be in your seat.
Jake Scott: Uh-huh.
Rachel Scott: You know this. I-
Jake Scott: I know this about you. I just don't understand it.
Rachel Scott: 'Cause you love to talk about yourself.
Jake Scott: Yes. But no, I mean, you just ... Look, you are ... I'm gonna brag.
Rachel Scott: Hold on. No, no, no. Just don't ... We can't start with that because I, I'll quit the podcast today. We ... It's just, I, one, l- I really genuinely love talking to people about their stories. Yeah. So I understand how fun it is to be on your side.
But two, it's just like telling your story is vulnerable.
Jake Scott: Yeah. But you, uh, you're just such, so, uh, the, you're very unbelievably gifted at connecting with people, asking questions- Thank you. ... and talking to people. And I get to live day in and day out with that gift, but you are so good at it. I also, though, wanna see you-
Rachel Scott: Uh-huh.
Jake Scott: offer that up, you know, offer yourself. You're
Rachel Scott: right. Yes,
Jake Scott: you're right. I think, I think I don't want you ... You have so much to, to give [00:02:00] from yourself and your own story, so-
Rachel Scott: No, you're right. I can kinda hide. This
Jake Scott: is exposure therapy.
Rachel Scott: Exposure therapy. And I'm hormonal, so pregnant, so I could cry.
Jake Scott: And our kids put you through the ringer last night.
Rachel Scott: Yes. We had children in bed. We didn't sleep, but we're here. That's probably better, because I'm just gonna be-
Jake Scott: Honestly,
Rachel Scott: just- It'll be a zombie. Raw zombie person. Rozome. Okay. Well, then you, you gotta lead the way, because I'm definitely not gonna be like, "Hey," and, you know-
Jake Scott: All right. So here we go. This is Rachel's story.
Rachel Scott: Just my story. Yeah, we did Jake's story. It's just basically just, just who I am, I guess. How- I guess
Jake Scott: so start, start with that. Who are you? Tell us about- What? Where are you from? Where were you born? Tell us your backstory.
Rachel Scott: Okay. I'm from Plano. This is already hard.
Jake Scott: You got this one.
Rachel Scott: That's not a good sign.
Plano, Texas, north of Dallas. Um, born and raised, baby.
Jake Scott: Born and raised.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. That's where I'm from.
Jake Scott: You've lived in the same house your entire life.
Rachel Scott: My parents have had the same house my whole life. They still
Jake Scott: have- That's rare, I feel like.
Rachel Scott: I agree these days. Although I do feel like our [00:03:00] parents' generation stays more.
Definitely not our age people, but yeah. Um, same house. They threatened to move once and I was not well. And now they're not doing that anymore.
Jake Scott: I just think it's so cool that, like, our kids get to go to the bedroom that you grew up in. I know. Actually-
Rachel Scott: I know. ...
Jake Scott: that house.
Rachel Scott: I know.
Jake Scott: I don't have that.
Rachel Scott: Well, no. I mean, like you said, it's rare to have that and it is
I love ... They have the most magical house on earth. And I loved growing up there. We lived on a little bike trail. I mean, is this really ... Do we really need these? Yes. This is already like I'm dying.
Jake Scott: We need a little bit of backstory, but then I wanted just to get from who you are to how you fell in love with film, with acting, with writing- Yeah.
your story, who you are.
Rachel Scott: Yes, yes. Okay. So yeah, I was, um, grew up in Plano and just to get ... I mean, I always, uh ... Actually, this is an interest ... I was thinking about this, not to do with this podcast, but this, this thought crosses my mind a lot because I think a lot of my story, overarching story is about finding my way back to myself, [00:04:00] um, because so many times in my life I have been swayed by what I should be doing or what the people around me are doing and also often taking what people, what I think people think negatively and letting it inform decisions I make.
Does that make sense?
Jake Scott: Totally.
Rachel Scott: In a very bad way.
Jake Scott: Well, say more though.
Rachel Scott: I'm about to. So one of the fir- One of the first things I remember about that is being in elementary school and, uh, drawing something. And I remember, I don't remember ... Some, no one would have said this to me, but I remember thinking distinctly, I'm not creative.
I'm not good at this. Creativity- How old were you? Oh, young, like, you know, third grade or something. And creativity to me had been put in this box of this, you can draw or do things with your hands.
Jake Scott: Okay.
Rachel Scott: Crafty people. I'm still not a crafty girl. Um, but to me, it was like that was what I labeled creativity.
And it didn't really, it wasn't like it, you [00:05:00] know, made me feel any kind of way at that age. I didn't have a desired ... I was just kind of like, I guess I'm just not creative. I don't want to draw this, you know, paper dog that I was trying to make or whatever.
Jake Scott: So, so you interpreted like, okay, I'm not good at drawing, therefore not creative.
Rachel Scott: Yeah.
Jake Scott: Is that because none of your friends were creative or your family wasn't necessarily like
Rachel Scott: besides your- No, this is like eight-year-old girl who was just like, "I can't make this whatever it was I was trying to make." And I was like, I don't, and not only that, I don't like being told to make this. I wanna be done with this class right now.
I'm not creative moving on.
Jake Scott: That has not left you.
Rachel Scott: That has not left me. But I'm saying there was not a lot of thought in that at all. Um, but I did stick with me to where later as I got older, it, it was like a seed that grew and I just didn't feel like I was a creative person and-
Jake Scott: That's so bizarre to me.
Rachel Scott: Why?
Jake Scott: Because you are so incredibly creative. I didn't really
Rachel Scott: realize- Well, that's how when, I mean, think how often people believe the opposite about themselves to be true. Yeah,
Jake Scott: I know, [00:06:00] but like you, I didn't realize how deep that went for you as a kid.
Rachel Scott: Yeah, I, I don't, I just remember, you know how those memories you have from when you're younger, they're, they're not, you don't have tons.
Yeah. So that, especially the negative ones that you do have kind of stick out, but it's not like I dwell on it. And I probably hadn't connected it being that first insecurity, but it became an insecurity because I then did want to pursue creative things, but it was like, but you're fraud. When did you ... Oh, when did you feel that start?
Well, I guess it ... Okay. So, so that was younger, but then I did start doing theater in ... I did like a camp in elementary school and actually another little ins- like moment of insecurity. I remember it was a clown camp. There was just clowns. I remember that.
Jake Scott: How have I never heard that you went to clown camp?
Rachel Scott: No, it wasn't clown camp. It was theater, it was a theater couple day thing. I was really ... It was pre-middle school. And the, whatever the play was, everyone worked ... I just remember clowns. And so that's already a bad start to this story.
Jake Scott: Well, so, so let me [00:07:00] get this right. So you go from eight-year-old Rachel feeling like I can't draw therefore not creative to then full send into a two-day camp of theater.
Rachel Scott: Well, honey, it wasn't like Monday I had my creative thought and Sunday I was in theater camp. At some point later-
Jake Scott: Yeah, but like to just cannonball into, I'm not creative and then I'm going to theater
Rachel Scott: campus. Well, again, when you're that young, I wasn't thinking about anything. Yeah. I did have an interest in theater from very young.
And I also didn't really associate acting with creativity until I was older, until labels started coming in. And this is just like- Oh, these are creative people. These aren't. This was just ... When you're young, the beauty is these things bounce off of you. Now, they do often also go deep, but they don't have to, they haven't rooted and grown yet and the world hasn't watered them.
So I was just living my little nine-year-old life. Yeah. Clown camp, here we come.
Jake Scott: Clown
Rachel Scott: camp. And I, I do remember though, from that camp, there were a lot of kids, the traditional kind of actory kids who are, you know, "I'm here to be on stage."
Jake Scott: We, we all [00:08:00] know theater kids.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. Well, no, not just theater kids, just, just showmen type kids.
Jake Scott: Who you could tell were like confident.
Rachel Scott: They were very confident. They were, they were, because I was a theater kid. I mean, theater kids are actually often more, you know, they're, they're all types. This was just the c- you see them in any, any ti- any industry, those confident people who've always been like ready to be- Yeah.
in front of people. And I did not feel that. I was so scared, so nervous. I feel like, I don't remember if we had to audition or what, but I just remember feeling like I'm really scared. I didn't have any friends there. Like I went alone to this little thing. I need to ask my mom more about this because I'm like- Yeah.
was this a fever dream? But no.
Jake Scott: This was not an overnight thing.
Rachel Scott: No.
Jake Scott: Okay, okay.
Rachel Scott: I feel like it was like a two day thing maybe and it was just during the day.
Jake Scott: I'm picturing that movie, Theater Camp.
Rachel Scott: Oh my gosh, such a good movie. Such a good movie. Uh, no. See, I was not, you know how, uh, what's her name?
Jake Scott: Beckstye.
Beckstein. Rebecca Diane.
Rachel Scott: I was not Beck Stye. Okay. I was like nervy. So, so I kind of, I didn't write [00:09:00] myself off, but I do remember feeling insecure about that, just like, oh, I'm not confident enough to go be, you know, I'm not good enough, I'm not
Jake Scott: good
Rachel Scott: enough.
Jake Scott: Yeah. Well, especially if this is the first, like, exposure to it that you've ever jumped into.
Exactly. Oh, whoa, these kids are like out there.
Rachel Scott: Exactly. So that was the first thing I did with acting, but then in sixth grade, girly, I, at the end of the year, you were allowed to, um ... Well, you had to choose in sixth grade whether you were going to do, this was lots of schools. Quiet, because it was the first year of middle school, choir, band, or orchestra.
And I didn't really want to do any of those, so I chose band and I played the clarinet because that's what my sister had done. I had first chair for a day, and then after that, I was like, "We done. We're out of here." Best
Jake Scott: day of your life.
Rachel Scott: Oh, not ... I, I don't know, remember what happened, but after that, I feel like I purposefully broke the clarinet so I could sit out.
Like it was like I was just not into it.
Jake Scott: No, no, you told me the story that that absolte-
Rachel Scott: That did happen. Okay. You, you
Jake Scott: purposely broke
Rachel Scott: the read. It was broken and then it was in the shop way longer than it needed to be. Oh, in the show. My clarinet was in the shop, so I chilled. But then [00:10:00] at the end of the year, you could choose for your, like, fine arts programming to, to be in theater.
And I auditioned for this advanced theater program. And, and I obvi- obviously got in Bextye wasn't- Sorry. She
Jake Scott: was Rebecca and I am was bursting forth.
Rachel Scott: She was inside. And I auditioned for my, for my first play, Snow White, and I- Were you
Jake Scott: Snow White?
Rachel Scott: No. I was Snow White's mom, and I think I died in the first scene.
I don't know if that's part of the original Snow White, but this is my memory. I know- This is
Jake Scott: the Plano version of Snow White.
Rachel Scott: I definitely had to die in my first play early on, but it felt so natural to me to die.
Jake Scott: You,
Rachel Scott: you were born to die. I was born to die. Um-
Jake Scott: I was existential.
Rachel Scott: But yeah, that kind of kicked it off.
I was like, so all through sixth, seventh, eighth grade, I was in this theater program. And honestly, we were so young, but it was, my teacher was amazing. It was a great program. I had friends in there who were also like, everyone took it seriously. It wasn't like, you know, us breaking our clarinets in the back of the room.
Right. This was like we are the theater. We have a
Jake Scott: theater.
Rachel Scott: Um-
Jake Scott: This is our moment, the
Rachel Scott: shot. Yeah. And I did, I played, I [00:11:00] did play Cinderella, but it was a modern day version, so it was Cindy Ella and I was Cindy Ella. Um, and just-
Jake Scott: So, so first play, you're the mom that dies five minutes in and then second play, you're Cinderella.
You're the
Rachel Scott: star of the show. No, honey. You're really wanting to, you're really wanting to go one, two, three, ta-da. There were probably some plays in, but some different things in between. At some point I played Cinderella.
Jake Scott: But this is a real question-
Rachel Scott: That one wasn't.
Jake Scott: Yeah, that was not real. This is a real question, like, when did you realize you loved it?
Rachel Scott: Oh, well, from the very beginning. Actually, that's a, that is a check, check, real good question because I think despite my clown experience, the moment I auditioned for that at the end of sixth grade, that advanced theater, I remember feeling, and I also felt this, what, 12, 13 years later when I picked acting back up again, like, I know what to do with a script.
I know how to do this. It's very natural. It's, it's like riding a bike for me. And I think when [00:12:00] something comes naturally to you and you love it, I mean, you can, it's like a, it's like a drug, you know, you can feel it. Yeah. And I remember feeling that. I remember knowing, I don't know if you're supposed to say this, but I remember feeling like, "I know I'm good at this.
I know I love this. " Yeah. And, and I was so young. How old are you in sixth grade? 11? I don't know, 10.
Jake Scott: Well, it's, it also is just at Evidence is like you just got it. Yeah. You understood it. You had the thing.
Rachel Scott: And often, I feel like a lot of people, you can trace interests back to, to your, your youth and whenever you're doing these things now where people are like, "Okay, well, if you don't know what you wanna do, what did you like when you were eight?"
You know? Mm. And I guess that's this for me.
Jake Scott: So was it because you would watch movies and be like, "Ooh, that sounds, that looks cool or fun." Or was it, you saw plays at school? Like what sparked that? Uh,
Rachel Scott: I don't really remember. I mean, I always love movies as any child does though. So I wasn't watching, you know, you know, Martin, some, I don't wanna say him.
You
Jake Scott: weren't watching Scorsese films? I
Rachel Scott: think it's Scorsese, that's why I [00:13:00] got-
Jake Scott: Scorsese. As a five-year-old?
Rachel Scott: Yes, but I was for sure into Beauty and the Beast and those things.
Jake Scott: Oh, that's classics.
Rachel Scott: But I, I don't know, you just know, just in the same way that you wanted to play drums when you were five or six.
Like, I guess you saw that thing you do, but I, for me, it was, it- Yeah,
Jake Scott: I thought they l- I was like, "That dude looks so cool." So I'm wondering if that was the same thing for you that you saw-
Rachel Scott: No, I think, like, tracing it back. Clearly the clown theater camp, something in me wanted to do that, but-
Jake Scott: Crowns really left to mark.
Rachel Scott: Also, at that age, your parents were like, "It's summer, do you wanna do gymnastics? Do you wanna X, Y, Z?" And so something inside me wanted to do that. And then once I had to choose a fine arts thing and I knew it wasn't gonna be clarinet-
Jake Scott: Cut out of your system.
Rachel Scott: It's not gonna be choir.
Jake Scott: Still in the shop.
Rachel Scott: Still in the shop, baby. It's, I owe a lot of money. But I, uh, I was like, "Oh, theater, this is what I wanna do. " So yeah, I obviously ... And then, and then, you know, I got in the play and I got into it and theater and it was just, I just loved
Jake Scott: it. Was there any part of you as a, [00:14:00] you know, young teen girl who was like, "Oh, this isn't cool."
Like-
Rachel Scott: Preteen.
Jake Scott: Preteen. As like, "Oh, my friends are gonna think this is lame."
Rachel Scott: Okay, actually, that's a great segue. So no, at, in middle school, no, because actually my friends, I had a lot of close friends who were doing it with me.
Jake Scott: Hmm.
Rachel Scott: Like my best friends were, not all of them, but several of them were in the class with me and doing the plays with me.
Jake Scott: That's amazing.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. So it didn't feel like that. However, as time went on, I get into 9th grade, which in Plano or at least where I went, it was six, seven, eight was middle school and then nine and 10 was high, uh, high school. You had two separate high schools, nine, 10, and 11, 12. That doesn't really matter what does matter is in ninth grade, you're then going to high school, you're, you know, everyone knows that feeling.
That's scary. You're, you're having other schools joining you there. I think we had probably one or two other big middle schools coming, and that is when I really clicked into ... I think two things happened. I think the friend ... I don't, I feel like maybe [00:15:00] the friends that I had who I was doing theater with, uh, one or two went to different schools for high school, one or two, um, stopped doing it.
And it was like, oh wait, sports is what's cool. And that's when I really clued into the need to be ... I mean, I already had the need to be accepted and I mean, probably not cool at that age, but definitely accepted. It was a huge, like, deep that every human has it, but for me, that was such a, such a driving force as a desire to belong and a fear that I will not belong.
And so in ninth grade, I did take a theater class and I loved it and, like, thrived in it, but that I was slowly like, "This isn't cool anymore." It became much more in my mind, like, this is lame, what schools to play sports, like just the very traditional- Yeah. ... high school experience is what I had in front of my face, as what I needed to do to be accepted.
And s- and I did play sports, so it wasn't like- Yeah. ... I can't do that. So I was [00:16:00] like, "I'll play s- because I played soccer still, so I'll play soccer." Um, and it wasn't even like a, "Oh, I'm so sad I'm sacrificing my dream." Because at that point, it was like, my dream is to belong. And so deeper than the dream of anything else, my dream is to belong.
And so, and- Like
Jake Scott: you didn't even feel the tug in your heart of like, "
Rachel Scott: Oh,
Jake Scott: man, I'm
Rachel Scott: gonna miss this. " Oh, like the choice of being lame or not- Yeah. ... then I'm going the not way. Yeah. I'll sacrifice every part of myself. And at that age though, you weren't thinking that way. Yeah. All of this is subconscious. Yeah. I was just like, I was just, just, uh, the, I mean, you are present at that age.
You're not thinking about anything in the future. However, for me, you know, there was no understanding. Your, your brain is not remotely developed. Your child. So,
Jake Scott: but yeah, I did that theater class.
Rachel Scott: And I remember, again, like, knowing, because it was like, it was not some, it was just a, an elective you signed up for, but in it, in the classroom, I, I, like, I remember that.
I don't remember any of my other classes except for one that I [00:17:00] always fell asleep in. This class, I can remember just vividly the scripts and doing it and getting up in front of them and really ... And you can feel when you're thriving in something. Yeah. But that, I was like, who cares? I'm not trying out for plays.
I am not doing that. I am going to play soccer. I'm gonna be cool. I'm gonna be accepted. I'm gonna focus fully on my social life and belonging. And that was, that was really the rest of high school. Um-
Jake Scott: But, like, even when you were in the class and you felt like, okay, I am like, I am loving this. I'm thriving in this moment.
And let's just be honest, it's like, I'm good at this. I get this. This clicks for me.
Rachel Scott: Okay. Yes.
Jake Scott: Is there any part of you in that moment that's like, uh, I wanna do this more? Or was it just like, all right, cool, whatever. Now- No. ... back to the lunch table.
Rachel Scott: All right, cool, whatever, back to the lunch table. It felt good in the moment.
Like, I, I can literally remember a scene I did with this guy. I don't remember the guy ever again in my whole high school experience.
Jake Scott: Good.
Rachel Scott: But, uh, we were, [00:18:00] he was very different from me. And so we had this kind of odd couple dynamic in the scene and it was really, it made it really funny. And I remember that feeling of being up there, but, but did I leave that room and think about it again?
No, I was like, cool, let me find my angle in this school, which is so common and it does make me so sad. And it also makes me wanna be like, how do I, how do we prevent our children from, you know, that? Because I, clearly everyone, I think as an adult, and especially once you have kids, you see your own issues as the worst issues to have.
But I am like, I wanna protect our kids from my issues that I had because I look at ... I don't regret anything. God uses everything. He makes plan Z, plan A. I really believe that. He redeems time. However, I just grieve that because I think that they're ... You know, I look at your story and you were, you just ... I think there's
When you have this secure foundation of identity, which I don't even know if you would say that you did or not.
Jake Scott: Definitely didn't.
Rachel Scott: Right. So it's personality. I mean, it's a [00:19:00] number of things that add into this, but we are, our goal as a couple with children is to, is to figure out how to instill that identity in them so that they're not, you know, 14 years old, just fully abandoning
Jake Scott: themselves.
Well, how was that for you? Like did, did your parents know? Did they even have an awareness
Rachel Scott: that you loved it? And that's not their fault be- Oh yeah, they had awareness.
Jake Scott: It's their fault. I'm just kind of trying to get back to,
Rachel Scott: like- Yes. They fully had an awareness that I loved it, but also I loved sports too.
So it wasn't ... None of this was obvious on the surface. Right. And that, right? Like, you look like you're doing ... I looked like I was doing great. And then- Right. Um, I mean, I did get crazy through high school, like fully got it. You know this, like-
Jake Scott: Yeah. ...
Rachel Scott: partied my way through. As I got older,
Jake Scott: started- But you had, you always were, you had lots of friends.
Yeah. You were doing well in school. Yeah. So like other than natural concerns, your parents were like, okay, this, you know-
Rachel Scott: Yeah. ...
Jake Scott: she's finding her way through life very well.
Rachel Scott: Probably, yeah. I mean, I feel like my later high school years, the partying was definitely scary for them, but-
Jake Scott: Well, so like, [00:20:00] I'm curious, because I've never actually asked you this, but like during that season
So, so you're in high school, you, you're in this theater class, and then you, you are doing soccer, you start getting into the partying, seeing which happens, you know, late high school for most people.
Rachel Scott: Yeah, very typical high school partying. Yeah. But looking ... Now that I have kids, I'm like, oh.
Jake Scott: Yeah. I mean- Sorry, mom and dad.
I know. But like, like, did you have any part of you that was like, oh, when you'd watch a movie or when you'd see a play or anything like that that you'd say like, "Ooh, that looks really cool. Like I would love to one, maybe do that, like be an actress one day." Or were you like fully focused on, "I'm in high school, I'm having fun, this is all I'm thinking about.
Rachel Scott: Um, okay, I was saying no at first, but then a memory did pop into my head, which actually is such a, it's such a movie memory because I was, we were, the soccer team was taking pictures for our like yearly pictures outside by this pond at my high [00:21:00] school and across from the pond, at least in my memory, I'm, but I'm almost positive this is right, there was, there was the theater and a play, like they were rehearsing.
I saw people, clearly play people, theater people. And I do remember in that moment kind of looking at that like, oh, I don't know if longing is the word, but something stirred inside me. But then I was back in- Of like
Jake Scott: a, of like a FOMO kind of thing of like, oh man.
Rachel Scott: It felt like that's another life that I could, I could choose and maybe would fit me better and maybe is more me.
Again, not so eloquently- Just
Jake Scott: like a little tug in your
Rachel Scott: gut. Yes. A tug of like, ooh, like, like it felt like relief to think about going and doing that- Yeah, I understand that. ... other than trying to make this square peg fit into a round hole.
Jake Scott: I really get that.
Rachel Scott: And so that's, I do have that memory and I do remember going with my parents to play at some point and having the same feeling, um-
Jake Scott: Of feeling like I could do this?
Rachel Scott: It was, it was not so like I could do this. It was a, [00:22:00] I, I would, a feeling of that's what I should be doing, you know? But, but also, honey, I was so, you know, I'm not thinking more than five minutes at this point.
Jake Scott: Yeah, I get it. But I don't know, I guess the, the way I can relate to this is, is kind of the same.
I wasn't thinking about my future, but when I would see a John Mayer video of him on stage, I'd be like, "Ooh, man."
Rachel Scott: I think you had the version- That one day I would love to do that. Felt like you felt that you had it in you.
Jake Scott: Yeah.
Rachel Scott: And I probably-
Jake Scott: Yeah, I guess that's a good way to say it. Yeah. I- Did you know you had it in you?
Well,
Rachel Scott: I knew it would came naturally to me. You know when you can do something well- Yeah. ... and also you get feedback, you know, when every time I did it, it was, I would, it, it went well. You know, I'd be in the play or whatever. It was- Yeah. ... it was just clearly-
Jake Scott: Were you getting affirmation from your, like, classmates and teachers?
Rachel Scott: Well, like remember at this point I did it for middle school and then one class in ninth grade, but yes, when I did, obviously, I was, you know, yeah. Um, but I just didn't, I [00:23:00] just, it was never gonna be stronger than my need and need. It is a need to belong. And I had defined belonging as one very specific thing and it was very toxic for me.
Um, and that was what ruled my life. And it ruled my life through getting into college because, but by the time I got to college, obviously you, you do mature some. And at that point, I had decided, okay, I, I also always wrote, which is a different-
Jake Scott: Yeah, I wanna get into that.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. I mean, that was something
Writing was always very natural to me too. It was less of a thrill. Acting was the thrill and the, the kind of acting was like the dessert of like, oh my gosh, this is just so fun. And writing was the meal. You know, like I just, I know, I knew both felt very natural and-
Jake Scott: When did you, when did you first start noticing that you could write?
Rachel Scott: My parents always saw it, and I actually don't know how, but my whole [00:24:00] life they would say, "You're a writer, you're a writer," and they're both writers. My dad's a lawyer, my mom's a journalist, broadcast, you know this, but she was a news reporter. So writing was very, um, big in my family. Everyone can do it. And so they recognized it and they always affirmed it, but something in me rejected it.
It was like, "I don't wanna be a writer." Um, because- '
Jake Scott: Cause ... Yeah, go ahead.
Rachel Scott: I think my love for writing developed later. I could always do it, but the love for it, it felt ... I didn't wanna be boxed into just being a writer. And I probably had some version of it in my head of what a writer is that I didn't wanna be.
And so it was like, that's not me, you know? Like what,
Jake Scott: what was the version?
Rachel Scott: I don't really remember, but I think deep down I wanted to be an actress and it was like, that's the cool thing and you're telling me I need to go be a writer and be in a, you know, tiny room and write on my typewriter and I don't wanna do that.
Jake Scott: So it was more kind of like, oh, well, the writer is kind of behind the scenes. I don't wanna be the, the-
Rachel Scott: Oh, it was
Jake Scott: just- 'Cause I get it. I, I, I really understand that of like, oh wait, no, I wanna be the star. I don't wanna be the, the, you know, the background player.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. Oh, [00:25:00] I'm so struggling with how hard this is to talk about myself like this.
Okay.
Jake Scott: I, I know.
Rachel Scott: I, you probably, have you ever seen me do this?
Jake Scott: No, because you've never-
Rachel Scott: I will say let's- ... Put
Jake Scott: yourself out. ... no, we gotta, I wanna, I wann talk more about the writing because that is-
Rachel Scott: Okay, okay, okay, okay. ... such
Jake Scott: a huge part
Rachel Scott: of that. I remember that feeling that you just said happening more later after college when, which we'll get into, feeling like, I don't wanna be the one behind the scenes, I wanna be the one doing it in front of the camera and I don't wanna be
Oh, you, you probably have the same thought, are you saying that because you don't believe in me that I can do it- Right. Yeah. ... in front
Jake Scott: of me. But, oh, hey, you could be the be- the be, the beat player here. Yeah. You don't, you're not gonna be the one on the front, but-
Rachel Scott: You probably have that more because there's the songwriters and then there's the musicians.
Lots of actors don't, acting and writing don't have to be, they're not so intertwined the way songwriting and musicians are.
Jake Scott: Yeah, true. But I guess even in the film world, it's like you kind of, uh, historically-
Rachel Scott: Y wanna be good- ...
Jake Scott: Very se- segmented of like, you're either a writer or you're an actor.
Rachel Scott: Yeah.
You're not both. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, again though, the kind of writing I was doing growing up, I wasn't writing [00:26:00] plays. I was doing, I was like writing articles and, um- Essays and- Essays, yes.
Jake Scott: But you knew you had a way with words. Like it
Rachel Scott: was- Well yeah, I, I'm remembering now. These are things you just don't ever think about.
But I had, I remember in a class, one of my teachers, I wrote something and she was like, this is, I think she like read it out loud and was like, this is, you know, how it needs to be. And then I did write something my senior year for a class. I think the way this went down, I wrote something for my English class and I was always in, I think honors English, you know, that was where, that was my subject.
Um, and my mom submitted it to the newspaper and they printed it. I,
Jake Scott: I remember this story.
Rachel Scott: Yes. And, and so like things like that were-
Jake Scott: How old were you?
Rachel Scott: That was my senior year. It was about, it was about the passage of time, ending high school, going into college, not knowing where you're going. I, the whole thing, the whole theme of it was I don't know where I'm going, but I know I'm going somewhere.
Ooh. I know. And literally at that age, I was falling off a cliff, like that's where I'm going, girl. We're going somewhere, but- But I could write. I could, I [00:27:00] could make it sound nice. But yeah, I, uh, so, but those things would happen and it would, it would go in one ear and out the other. It wasn't like, it did not fill a bucket for me.
It did not make me be like, I should write. Now, I did major in broadcast journalism in college, so clearly it was like, uh, okay, I'll just do that. But it wasn't-
Jake Scott: So whenever your teachers would like praise your writing or-
Rachel Scott: And I also wt- I'm remembering like, this is, I don't know if I should admit this or not, but like, I loved writing my college essays.
I definitely wrote at least a couple friend's college essays for them, you know, that kind of thing. Handed
Jake Scott: out the favors. Give, give us the tea. Come on.
Rachel Scott: That's it, that's
Jake Scott: the tea. I mean, did you journal a lot as a kid though?
Rachel Scott: Zero.
Jake Scott: Really?
Rachel Scott: Zero. '
Jake Scott: Cause you are like a-
Rachel Scott: Oh,
Jake Scott: avid. You are an avid journaler now.
Rachel Scott: The way that I look at it as I was in, now looking back, I was not, I don't wanna say survival mode, but I do think I was.
And so when, uh, still now when I get into sort my s- obviously I don't live in survival mode now, but when I'm in it for moments, [00:28:00] you lose a lot of the things that make you you. And so it is funny to think that I didn't journal growing up because it is such a core part of who I am now and what, in terms of how I express myself and how I feel really healthy and good and I know I did none of that because I'm not kidding you.
I don't think you, you didn't experience this, but I was kind of in this war growing up of like this school is a war zone and it didn't look like that or feel like that. Like in terms of, it just looked like normal girl at school, but inside me, there was this war going on of like, you have to stay safe, you have to belong, you have to, you have to survive this.
Jake Scott: Right. You can't let your guard down.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. And I, but from the outside, I looked like a happy normal girl, but definitely. I mean, you, I've, you know this, but lots of just, lots of girl drama and all of this stuff that was just consuming my world. And when you're in that type of survival place, you're not journaling.
At least I wasn't. You're literally surviving, you know? I was not thriving. I was-
Jake Scott: Yeah.
Rachel Scott: But it [00:29:00] didn't appear that way because I was also having a lot of fun. Well, yeah. And so I was getting kind of, I was like half of my life I loved and then, and I wasn't aware of any of the trauma responses that I was living through, you know?
Jake Scott: Well, I mean, yeah, you were a teenage girl with, you know,
Rachel Scott: dealing with
Jake Scott: girls.
Rachel Scott: Yeah, a lot. This is all very normal stuff and I was just caught up in all of it and lived very fully in that world. And, and so that was, you know, anything healthy which like, hey, a teacher affirming your writing, "Hey, your mom submitted your paper and it got in the newspaper."
Like these like things that, you know-
Jake Scott: Just kind of went into an empty void.
Rachel Scott: Yes.
Jake Scott: And it's just like, all right, whatever.
Rachel Scott: That doesn't matter if you don't feel like you're safe.
Jake Scott: Right. Yeah.
Rachel Scott: It's like cool.That's a great way to say that. That's nice, but really I don't feel safe. And so-
Jake Scott: Yeah, man.
Rachel Scott: It, and, and, and it was, you know, looking back, I'm like, there's no
I don't blame myself. I don't blame anyone. I think this is part of life for every human on earth as you become an adult and some people, some people [00:30:00] People truly, you know, they wake up, so to speak, way younger or they wake up in their 20s or 30s or 40s, but as you do kind of wake up, it's this process of healing with God, with therapy, with different tools God provides.
And, and you realize that we just live in a, the, the world is just broken in a lot of ways. And so I don't really know where I'm going with that other than just, you know, it's not a blame game. I do think that it's like, okay, well, I understand that happened and so that caused me to feel this. But really, I think, I don't know.
I just, I just don't want it to ever feel like you're like, oh, this happened to me and na, na, na, na, na, you know?
Jake Scott: Yeah, totally. But I mean, I don't know. I gue- I guess I, I can relate in my own experience of just like I ... Well, I guess with the, my question for you is, do you regret any of those years? Like any of the ways that you lived through high school and college, now looking back on what your life [00:31:00] is-
Rachel Scott: Yeah.
Jake Scott: and what you're passionate about, like, are there any things you would've done differently?
Rachel Scott: Oh my gosh, of course.
Jake Scott: Like what?
Rachel Scott: Like everything. I mean, everything I'm saying, I, I, and that's where I think I keep going back to, I don't blame myself, I don't blame anyone for decisions I made. I was so young and I was in a lot of pain making those choices.
And I also am prone to, I love people, I love being around people, I love relationship. And so I was always gonna be someone who prioritized that. I was always going to, to just love being with friends and, and, and, and relationship. And I see that as beautiful now, but I think at that point it can, it can get hairy, you know?
I really feel like God redeems everything, like I've already said. And so I don't f- I don't look back with regret that haunts me. I look back with curiosity. Like-
Jake Scott: Hmm. ...
Rachel Scott: what would it have felt like to, to not [00:32:00] have made those choices? Not necessarily where would I be now though? Yeah, that crosses your mind, you know?
Jake Scott: Yeah. I mean,
Rachel Scott: I,
Jake Scott: I get that.
Rachel Scott: Yeah.
Jake Scott: I think that all the time.
Rachel Scott: But I, I, it just isn't something that haunts me. However, I definitely know that it, I look at our kids and I'm like, whatever I have to do to help them avoid making the same mistakes I made, I will do. And not that that's possible always. Kids are ... I had a strong personality and I was gonna do what I was gonna do.
Jake Scott: I, I truly actually can't imagine.
Rachel Scott: Oh, my poor parents, the more they would try to get me to do the right things, the more I was like, force me and I'll do the exact opposite. I mean, I'm- I mean- Yeah. ...
Jake Scott: you are a force of nature. That is, that's putting it lightly.
Rachel Scott: It just wasn't, it wasn't, it was also like, uh, in a, obviously I haven't, I have reflected on this in certain ways, but not so intensely as we're doing right now, um, at least outside of like a therapy session.
But I definitely can see just that ... And this is why I have [00:33:00] empathy for myself and for everyone around me at that time, the motor and the engine of my life to belong was so strong that nothing was gonna stop that.
Jake Scott: Mm.
Rachel Scott: And, and my ill-defined definition of belonging was the poison. And so, yeah, because you're, you know, yeah.
So I, I definitely have some version of regret that is not a bad version of regret. I have a version that keeps me humble now and that keeps me on track now where it's like I will not go back to that place. I will not make ... Now, mind you, this is still, this is one of the battles of my life, you know? Yeah.
This is everyone's battle, the battle of-
Jake Scott: Belonging.
Rachel Scott: Right. And, you know, it's funny because we all actually have that within our access immediately. Mm-hmm. Um, because people will reject you left and right your whole life. You're not always going to be bel- find belonging with other people. Hopefully you'll, you need people and you need people you do belong with, but I mean, for me, belonging with, you find that with God first.
Yeah. And that is, that is your, you [00:34:00] know, your ... Hi, Mickey. Nicky,
Jake Scott: Mickey's joining the chat.
Rachel Scott: She's having a ... She's, she's feeling my, my feels. Um-
Jake Scott: Mickey, Mickey, here, come here, come here.
Rachel Scott: I'm gonna come up here.
Jake Scott: Call me Mickey.
Rachel Scott: Wonder what that looks like on camera.
Jake Scott: Oh, okay. Make yourself at home, babe.
Rachel Scott: But- She knows she can't-
Jake Scott: How, how do we
Rachel Scott: I'm sorry, this is-
Jake Scott: She's, she's my, she's my accessory.
Rachel Scott: I'm literally obsessed with
Jake Scott: it. How, now as a ... I'm, we're gonna get back to it, but I had this, this question's like, as a mom now with kids, especially with a daughter, how, how can we, like, instill that in them-
Rachel Scott: mm-hmm. ...
Jake Scott: early? Like what ... I think about this all the time of just like, oh man, like I want our kids to
I
Rachel Scott: mean, there's-
Jake Scott: I wanna teach them how to think, you know? I don't know. I, like, I'm curious what, what you, like, how, how do we help them avoid, not [00:35:00] even just, like, navigating high school and, and, you know, mean kids and all that stuff. Like, that's just, that's everyone's life. But how do you navigate-
Rachel Scott: Well, or being.
You know, there's times when I was mean, because not because I am mean, I'm not, but I ... To survive, you do whatever- Yeah. ... you have to
Jake Scott: do.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. And that's what those people were doing, that's what I was doing. So it's less about, oh, who's mean and who's not? It's, oh, we were all trying to survive and- Yeah. ... that can bring out the worst in you.
And it did for me, and it did for people around me, and yeah. I mean, there's probably, that's a whole other topic, because I've thought through it so much, and I think it's about ... I think the family unit is so essential where they find, you know, we're their first place of, of reflection for identity and different things.
And I think, I mean, I don't know if I can say this one out loud yet, because I haven't fully workshopped it in my head, but I'm like, well, I want, uh, in a ... [00:36:00] Before I say that, I was also a middle child, a middle of three girls- mm-hmm. ... and just so classically, I wanna find my identity outside the family.
Jake Scott: Yep.
Rachel Scott: I'm one of three girls. Where do I fit in this? I need to go find my identity. And, and I did. And, and that's like, my parents couldn't control that they had three girls and I'm the middle and that naturally I'm going to want to just find myself-
Jake Scott: Uh-huh. ...
Rachel Scott: in my personalities to want to.
Jake Scott: Yep.
Rachel Scott: So- Just, you, you're
Jake Scott: just born with some fire in this-
Rachel Scott: Born with some fire.
Jake Scott: bains.
Rachel Scott: I'm by it, honestly. Um, yeah. There's a lot of answers to that question that I feel like is a whole podcast.
Jake Scott: Yeah. And I just, like, I don't know. I, I feel like hearing your, your story more in depth, like, it makes-
Rachel Scott: Nice to meet you. Yeah,
Jake Scott: right. You said this-
Rachel Scott: I know.
You said
Rachel Scott: this always. Your story more in depth.
Okay. All right. You're righ, you're
Jake Scott: right. Every couple should do this, interview each other.
Rachel Scott: Uh-huh. Honestly. But,
Jake Scott: like, I don't know. It makes me, it [00:37:00] makes me wish that, that y- we both, as high schoolers, but especially looking at you, it's just like I wish someone would come in and be like, "Hey, what do you like?
What are you passionate about? What makes you happy? What do you feel like you're good at?"
Rachel Scott: You know what though, for better or for worse, I think because tell me if you felt this way, where I grew up, the perception I had of where I grew up was that to, to be accepted and cool, you play sports. And I bought into that, right?
Yeah. Lots of other people went to my school who did not buy into that and chose their own way. It, it, this is where I'm like, this isn't-
Jake Scott: I mean, yeah, but there's also kind of like, I know from my experience, it wasn't even like a, oh, this is what's cool. It's just like, this is what you do. Like, this is what everyone does.
Rachel Scott: To me, it was the cool thing. Okay. This is, this is what's cool. This is what you do to be cool. This is the, this is the accepted-
Jake Scott: Yeah, these are the cool kids and the sports
Rachel Scott: plays. Yeah, it's like sports. And I mean, I, the movies we grew up on, you know, it was all, that's just- The
Jake Scott: jocks.
Rachel Scott: That was what it was.
And I had made that what I wanted, and so that [00:38:00] was what I was gonna do. But I-
Jake Scott: It's funny because the stereotype is like the football players and the cheerleaders. Did you have any, any slight inkling in your life to be a cheerleader
Rachel Scott: ever? Well, I was in eighth grade because you didn't have to try out. And if you had had to try out, I would not have made it.
Jake Scott: Oh, I like
Rachel Scott: that. Dancing is not my thing. No. I, I, I also even- You're
Jake Scott: skin and bows.
Rachel Scott: Even I was like 40 pounds soaking wet, six feet tall, just not ready to be out there. I also knew, I was like, even, this is not gonna be my thing. Um, I'm honestly amazed by them though, the athleticism.
Jake Scott: Oh, it's, it's incredible.
But you were like, all right.
Rachel Scott: No.
Jake Scott: Just like you were drawing, not my bag.
Rachel Scott: So yeah, I mean, that was just, that carried me through high school. And then, but by the time I got to college, like I didn't even, it wasn't like, oh my gosh, where do I go to college? I just kind of, I went where a lot of my friends went and I ma- so I majored in broadcast journalism, which the thought behind that was, okay, I can write and I like camera stuff and my mom did this.
She was a news reporter.
Jake Scott: Yeah. She was like a very successful-
Rachel Scott: Yeah, she did [00:39:00] amazing. And so it was like that I know how to do and that's kind of the acceptable version of acting, right? You're on camera, but it's, it's the, it's always comes back to this ridiculous definition of cool that I had. This isn't lame, this is cool.
And also with acting, it wasn't just about, you know, the traditional like, eh, being cool or being a dork. It was also that to put yourself out there in that way, oh, who do you think you are? You're- mm-hmm. Okay, this is so cringe. Wow. Yeah.
Jake Scott: So, so-
Rachel Scott: Which wasn't, that, that was later because in high school you can do theater and it's not, it's not you're trying to be something, it's just your activity.
Yeah, yeah. But later on that really came into play and it certainly, you know, I was not gonna be putting myself out there in that way that could get me ... I put myself out there in ways that felt safe to me.
Jake Scott: But were you aware of this like secret desire of like, ooh, well, maybe this is like parallel to the, to my desire to act, but
Rachel Scott: it's- I don't think I ever had it conscious though.
[00:40:00] It wasn't conscious. Yeah. You just- I just think it felt like this is me and it was me. Yeah. I can write, I can, I can do- You're
good
Jake Scott: on camera.
Rachel Scott: Yeah, and I, it's in my blood with my mom. Um-
Jake Scott: I'm sure that had something to do with exposure to it.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. It, it was, it was, I knew that I could do it. And so that was my major, but then through college, you know, I, things did shift for me.
The whole belonging thing still carried me through, but I definitely found my place more. It's not quite as dark of a time for me as high school was at all, in fact, much less dark. However, still was not ... What ended up happening for me my freshman year, I didn't really try, but then something clicked and I started really trying in school and I started doing really well and that became, that's the first thing I remember feeling, oh, this feels really good.
And it wa- that wasn't about social life. It was like, "Ooh, it feels good to make good grades and to thrive in school."
Jake Scott: Was it because you were like, "Oh, I'm, I'm being the [00:41:00] best version of myself here or what, or was it like I'm not doing something just to be cool, like I'm actually applying myself?"
Rachel Scott: No, I think- One of the pieces.
Probably simpler and maybe not even, I don't even know if I would consider it unhealthy. I think I was trying and I was succeeding and that, that as a human feels good.
Jake Scott: Yeah.
Rachel Scott: You know, it's like, and it's something that was valuable. And I was also growing up some where, okay, you know, let's mature some, like, because I did not care about grades at all in high school.
Um, not that that's a lack of maturity or not. I know you didn't either, but for me, now you knowing my personality, I actually, uh, naturally school is good, is easy. Like I like, I like the school setting. You're not a school guy. But I like, I'm traditionally, well, more so what I mean by that is I, it's not fair how school's set up because the way my brain works, I was at an advantage.
I love to read, I love to learn, I can write it down, I can take the test. Your brain is wired differently, and so school's not really a reflection for you of, of your intelligence because- Yeah,
Jake Scott: but, uh, well-
Rachel Scott: But for me, it was a direct, like, I know how to do school and I [00:42:00] can be good at school.
Jake Scott: Fair. And you didn't really ever feel yourself doing that before?
Rachel Scott: No, no.
Jake Scott: Well, because you, this is something I didn't even ... Yeah, you, you have been a reader your whole life. Oh
Rachel Scott: yeah, obsessed with reading.
Jake Scott: And so I'm surprised that that didn't spark even more interest in writing as a kid because you, I mean, I'm talking- You
Rachel Scott: think about it as a kid, you have to write. Yeah. I just, like, because I was- Yeah, I guess
Jake Scott: you're forced
Rachel Scott: to write.
I was always writing because of school. However, I was just not, uh, the person, you do hear of writers who are like, "I was writing my first novel at 12 and the short story." And I actually, I think that's beautiful, but I think that those stor- those stories often make us, people who aren't that way count ourselves out.
Jake Scott: Yeah.
Rachel Scott: Well, I'm not a real writer. I wasn't doing that. Comes back to that story I told you, I'm not really creative, you know, because I can't draw, but, but that, that live from third grade started bleeding over into, to all creativity for me, even though it was about me not being able to draw a puppy or whatever it was.
Jake Scott: Yeah.
Rachel Scott: Um, even though I did win a drawing contest for drawing a literal [00:43:00] puppy in second grade.
Jake Scott: For real?
Rachel Scott: Yep. And I left before- Because this is a
Jake Scott: hard
Rachel Scott: left turn. I left before the award was given and my sister brought it home and I was like, "You won." It was like a bag of candy. I was like, "
Jake Scott: My puppy."
Rachel Scott: I just wanted to come home.
Jake Scott: But
Rachel Scott: prize. Anyway, later on, yeah. So, so yeah, I, um, I started, I still-
Jake Scott: You started applying yourself in college.
Rachel Scott: Started applying myself, it felt good. I s- but, but it also developed into big time perfectionism. Um, it feels good to have this perfect looking life.
Jake Scott: You were like, you've, oh, okay, gotcha, gotcha. "
Rachel Scott: I'm making good grades.
I have friends. I'm in a good sorority. I have-
Jake Scott: But you weren't putting pressure on yourself of like, " Oh no, I'm a failure if I don't get good grades. "It was really just like, " I have to look like I have it all together. "
Rachel Scott: I think more so it felt good to have it all together. It was like the drug was working.
Jake Scott: It was like self-imposed pressure.
Rachel Scott: Yeah, no one was pressuring me. No, my parents were, you know, they, I was doing well, they were happy with it, but I did, this was very self-induced. And also, um, yeah, they were proud of that and that feels [00:44:00] good, but, but the self-induced, I, I started, if my worth was this vacuum in high school of needing to belong and then, I mean, high school, middle school, girl dynamics I was in every stereotype of them.
That faded as I got into college and you're, you're just healthier as people. And it was still, you know, there was still worlds to navigate there, but, but that was more settled. And so then my worth turned to trying to build my worth outside of social stuff for the first time and it became being this perfect human who, um- Yeah.
who, and grades were a part of that and, you know, having a boyfriend and having good friends and, and just looking perfect. But, but again, it wasn't, I didn't have ... Actually through all of college, I never had a gap between, oh man, my life looks perfect, but I feel depressed. I was like, I love life. Like I loved it.
I loved every bit of college. I-
Jake Scott: You were thriving in it. I mean, [00:45:00] you were, you were doing all these things. It's hard not to feel good about your life when it's like- I mean, I was
Rachel Scott: partying, partying so hard still. But I, I also believed the lie, like part- the parting, I mean, I don't wanna say lie because lots of people do party, but it was like, well, duh, you party in college?
Jake Scott: Right.
Rachel Scott: You know, it's so fun. It's what you do. And it was fun. But looking back at like-
Jake Scott: Would you do it if it weren't fun?
Rachel Scott: Right. But of course, looking back, I, do I wish I had done everything differently and spent my time differently? Yes, because- What
Jake Scott: would you have done?
Rachel Scott: Well-
Jake Scott: Gen- that's a genuine question.
It's not just like a, "Oh yeah, well, I wouldn't have parted." It's like actually thinking through, like, what would you have chosen to do differently if you could go back and do it again?
Rachel Scott: I mean, again, the same answer as earlier, this is, because at this point I'm growing up some, right? So I'm not quite the live wire that I was in high school, just reacting to everything, but I'm definitely still very close to that.
When I was in college, [00:46:00] because that's, you, that's a thread that you pull and it, it didn't start then. You go all the way back to, to younger me that, that didn't have the foundation as a human that I needed in order to make the choices that I wish I had made. Uh, I mean, because to start ... I need to really think about that.
Jake Scott: Would you have majored in something different?
Rachel Scott: Well, yeah, but my major was actually, again, not too far off, but yes, had I actually followed my dreams, quote unquote, I would have majored in something differently because the second I, I interned for, um, a news station my senior year and they offered me a job to be a reporter for that, it was a, in the college town I went to, like, "We'll hire you.
And I was like, "I don't wanna do this. " And so the second it became, you know, in college, it's all, it's all, "Oh, I'll be a news reporter and I'll have a husband and ." And then it becomes- Oh,
Jake Scott: it's a concept.
Rachel Scott: It's a concept. And the second it became real, it was like, "I don't wanna do this. " Oh, that, I was gonna say this earlier.
This is, this is [00:47:00] huge. I think, and this answers your question right now too, for better or for worse, one thing that social media has done is it opens your world up to what's possible outside of your little town. And so for me, my perception of my town and then my college was, this is who you need to be, the city I grew up in, this is what's acceptable, this is what's cool, this is what's respected, and this is who you need to be in order to belong.
Right. And again, I was, I just really look back and I'm like, here was the circumstances and my trauma took it and defined it that town and those things a certain way. It's not ... Plenty of people grew up there and had a different experience. Um, but I do feel like if I had seen, oh wait, this is not how it has to be- Right.
via, you know, your world kind of exploded with social media. Yeah. But now I say that and I'm like, I do not want our kids. No. And like, how do we- Please, Lord. How do we take that lesson and not, because our kids aren't gonna have social media till they're like 35. Oh. So- If that. [00:48:00] But my point is, I was so, so consumed with winning the world I was in.
The, yeah, the context that you had. It's not about me being Miss Best. Winning equals I'm safe and loved. That was the root of every choice I made and it didn't look like that, right? Because I looked, I was always sassy and confident seeming, but brokenness was under that.
Jake Scott: Yeah, but that's also part of what is mesmerizing about you and magnetic about you.
And I will say that from a rooftop because I'm your husband, is that y- you do have such a fire and such a ... I don't know. I don't, I don't know the right words to say for it, but you just have such a ... You, you're such a force and it's so-
Rachel Scott: Yeah, but an unredeemed version of that
Jake Scott: is- Yeah. ...
Rachel Scott: is so scary,
Jake Scott: dude. I never saw the unredeemed version of it.
I thankfully came in later after you had matured a little bit, but, like, it just drew me to you so much and it draws everybody to you. Well- Just like, "Oh, here's this, here's [00:49:00] Rachel and she is just a pistol and a half." And it's so fun because every second with you is truly like a do adventure.
Rachel Scott: A new time.
Jake Scott: Or, for not to sound like a Hallmark guard. Okay. Question for you, because that's a really good point about just like the world you have exposure to kind of defines what you're-
Rachel Scott: Yeah, that's a really nice way of saying it, which-
Jake Scott: Your goals are. '
Rachel Scott: Cause I think the first time my world opened up was right after college, and that's very typical.
I remember ... Okay, so I'll keep going.
Jake Scott: I, I have one question about ... So when you're doing broadcast journalism, I mean, that is a super weird major. What? Like, it, it, it's unique within like all of your friends are probably, "Oh, I'm a business major. I'm getting under you. " Okay, we don't have to- Early education major, communications, whatever.
But then you're like, "Oh, I'm a broadcast journalism major." People are probably like, "Ooh, okay." So did you ever feel any perception of like that made you unique or it made you weird or [00:50:00] did your friends ever be like, "Oh, there's racial on like the campus news." Well, my very best
Rachel Scott: friends was also a broadcast journalism major.
Jake Scott: True.
Rachel Scott: And so I had, it, and I, I, sorry, I don't know what world you were living in. It's not that odd. It wa- Have you watched the news? Very specific.
Jake Scott: Like, okay, it's like, oh wow, you really know ... I looked at those kids because I, we enough was in the same house
Rachel Scott: broadcast. You were not. You were not.
Jake Scott: I was a broadcaster.
I was a, I was a journalism major and I took a broadcast journalism
Rachel Scott: class. Listen, every time I ask his major, he's like, "Today it's marketing. Uh, tomorrow I'll find- I had a lot of slacks. It was communications." And then he's sitting here telling me- Mini- Your major's weird.
Jake Scott: Okay. I, I had a lot of, uh, sub-majors within my major.
Rachel Scott: Okay. I hear your question though through the, through the, the noise of the, of the crazy things you're
Jake Scott: saying. When I saw the broadcast journalism kids, I was like, "Oh, this person has known they want to be a broadcast journalism, like a, a, an anchor on the news for their whole life."
Rachel Scott: How often were you, were you spotting the broadcast journalist with
Jake Scott: kids?
I took a broadcast class, so I was with them a [00:51:00] lot, actually.
Rachel Scott: One semester.
Jake Scott: And I came in like a fish out of water. I was like, "What is this? " And all those kids were like, "I
Rachel Scott: was born for this. " I was not that kid. Um, but there were definitely those types of people in my classes. But again, one, my, one of my very best friends was also doing it, and so it didn't feel crazy, but it definitely, I, I felt proud of it because, yeah, I remember, you know, I remember one of my boyfriends in college.
Jake Scott: One of your boyfriends in
Rachel Scott: college? Hey, I had some boyfriends, babe. Uh, like you could tell, it was like, "Oh, you're gonna be a sports journalist." And I was like, "Yeah, that sounds so cool, doesn't it? " Like it does, it felt cool.
Jake Scott: A pretty girl on sports
Rachel Scott: center. Okay, please, please.
Jake Scott: I'll say it.
Rachel Scott: So that, that felt good.
And it also, I think felt now reflecting, it did feel because remind, you know, in high school, I had really just followed, okay, I'm just gonna play a sport, nothing really [00:52:00] connected to me. Having this major felt closer to me than any other choice I had made. So it felt authentic in a way that I hadn't experienced because it was like, yeah, this is something I like.
I do like wri- I, I'm, I, like all through college, again, my writing was affirmed to firm to firm. So it felt like this is actually reflective of me. And now that I'm, it's so funny because I, I've touched on this already, but authenticity is so huge to me as a human, but I didn't come into touch with that when I was still in survival mode because again, nothing matters except except surviving when you're in survival mode.
But, um, yeah, so it had a touch of that, but it, it was also just, just like anything else. It's just your life. Like when people ask me, "Oh, how does it feel your husband writes songs about you? " And it's like, well, it feels amazing, but also it's a Tuesday. I should not use that day. It said Wednesday. It's like, it, not to say it's not amazing, but everything becomes normal to you.
Jake Scott: Yeah, you, you don't really think about
Rachel Scott: it as much. So no, but it felt, it felt two things at once. What I just said, which is it felt more like me than any other school or choice I had made at the same time when I would [00:53:00] do those straight up broadcast classes as college went on, I was like, "Do I like this? " I don't know.
Jake Scott: Well, because it is truly like your dream job stripped of the creativity. Now, there is a creative element to being a journalist, obviously. Hugely. Okay, so I take it back to all the journalists up
Rachel Scott: there. Okay. He is coming to fight the broadcaster.
Jake Scott: I love the journalist. You're incredibly talented, but it is like, you know-
Rachel Scott: No, let me just say this for you before you dig your hole to China.
It is, it is, it is just not the version of it that was right for me. There's a lot of creativity and, and in fact, especially when I was coming up, it was when it was like, okay, now you need to be the camera people, you need to edit it, you need to, you know, there was so many elements of it.
Jake Scott: It's like a, it is the direct placebo.
It's like the, the, the, the parallel universe to what you actually wanted to do, which was-
Rachel Scott: Exactly. Which if I were, if I were trying to do acting, but I was meant to do news, then it would have felt the same, just reverse. Like I would have been in my acting classes hoping, wishing that I could-
Jake Scott: Which is kind of [00:54:00] interesting, I'm thinking about this.
The difference is, is like journalism is the pursuit of, of facts at all costs- Uh-huh. ... and like getting to the bottom of the truth, whereas-
Rachel Scott: You got that right. That's your first correct fact about broadcaster realism.
Jake Scott: Whereas, whereas writing a movie, writing a script is you're creating a, a fantasy world that is based in truth and you're trying to get to the, the bottom of human experience, but it is actually the opposite.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. That's actually, you're finally got one right, babe. We should
Jake Scott: get on this podcast now.
Rachel Scott: So yeah, you know how the first two years are more electives and then you get into your, your junior and senior year of college are just all- Yeah. ... your major classes.
Jake Scott: A basket weaving.
Rachel Scott: Right, exactly. So what, which I do You're gonna come for them now too?
We got a hit list over here from, from Jake.
Jake Scott: I suck some of the dumbest classes ever cause keep going.
Rachel Scott: Oh, that's, we're gonna have a podcast about that too. That's
Jake Scott: the point.
Rachel Scott: Uh, but yeah, I did take one acting [00:55:00] class in college and- You
Jake Scott: did?
Rachel Scott: Uh-huh. Just an elective.
Jake Scott: What was like theater 101?
Rachel Scott: It was just like intro to acting because it was, you know, the basic, it wasn't
I- in, in the acting class, you did, you know, a couple weeks of improv, a couple weeks of theater, a couple weeks of film. Uh, it was very intro to everything. And actually that was the first time I really improvised and I loved it. But again, I was in this world of the college false reality where it was just like, "Oh, this is a fun thing.
I'll dip my toe in and then I'm, you know, you, you're just ... " I was just fully living for the college life. I was so invested and I loved every second, like I've already said. And so that did not pop until I graduated, until I got that job offer with the news ... Did I say that?
Jake Scott: Yeah, the job offer.
Rachel Scott: And I was like, "Okay, I don't wanna take this job.
I don't wanna be a news reporter."
Jake Scott: When it got real, you were like, "Ooh."
Rachel Scott: It got real. And also it was gonna require me to stay in the college town, Lubbock.
Jake Scott: True.
Rachel Scott: And I was like, "I wanna go back to Dallas." Lubbock's amazing.
Jake Scott: Shout out Lubbock.
Rachel Scott: Oh, well yeah, it was, it's [00:56:00] nothing to do with Lubbock. It is amazing. I just didn't wanna stay there.
I knew I wanted to go, I wanted to be in a big city. And so I was like, "I'm gonna turn this job offer down. I don't think I wanna do that. " And then I, post college, so much shifted for me. That's probably a, like we've been talking a long time. It's probably time for a part two.
Jake Scott: Oh, we're gonna need to do part two.
Okay. We'll be back with part two.
Rachel Scott: We'll be back. Rachel story. Will this be alive or will I have murdered him?
Jake Scott: We don't know. I will probably come in with one less limb to this next episode.
Rachel Scott: Okay. I'm really kidding, but this is very, I've been, I've been adj-
Jake Scott: You did a really good job. You stayed in it. I could feel that you wanted to punch me in the face a few times.
Rachel Scott: Yeah. It's so weird. I definitely did. Just for you asking simple questions, something ... I don't know what this is. This is, we'll do another podcast about my resistance to talk about myself.
Jake Scott: I think that's a good episode.
Rachel Scott: Okay. Love
Jake Scott: you.
Rachel Scott: Love ya.