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Kevin tells the tale of Lucky’s short king suitor. And Harley discovers the Dad she never knew. Plus: Wucky gets waid!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.
00:00:23
Speaker 1: Welcome back to beardless, stickless me. I'm Kevin Smith Smith. Okay, full disclosure. So this episode is posting after Chronicon, but we're taping it early because of Chronicon, So we don't know how Chronicon went.
00:00:48
Speaker 2: Oh good, good. I hope it goes well.
00:00:51
Speaker 1: Me too, because this show could be posting and people will be like, it's so sad to listen to them not know that they died that weekend.
00:00:59
Speaker 2: Was my thought to.
00:01:02
Speaker 3: Do.
00:01:04
Speaker 2: Knock on wood. We're alive. We live for right now, we live for many, many, many more decades.
00:01:11
Speaker 1: I like it. Oh my god, that knocked at it. Thank God, Thank god your c d D. That's so yeah. So we don't know how chronic Con is going to go, but you know what, I'm just going to say, it went well. Oh yeah, I hope.
00:01:30
Speaker 2: So what's those saying?
00:01:32
Speaker 1: You know, the one well, begune done.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: Assume the best, accept the worst, Expect the best, accept the worst.
00:01:51
Speaker 1: Expect expect the best.
00:01:53
Speaker 2: Best, accept the worst.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: Very easy to say, way easier to let me share with you a story.
00:02:08
Speaker 2: Is it sad?
00:02:09
Speaker 1: No?
00:02:11
Speaker 2: Is it funny? Sweet cry? I'm really not on the market to cry right now.
00:02:17
Speaker 1: It's going to make it go like it's a story of Bertie the dog park. So Bertie has been you know, she's a young lady.
00:02:35
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, yeah, I see where this is going.
00:02:39
Speaker 1: Yes. And Bertie, as a young lady, yes, has started having something of a lady time. Yes, which I don't know why. This was completely foreign to me back in the day. But these two, because are dogs, were all fixed young. Well when we got Lucky, she had just had Bertie, so we couldn't fix her right away, and so she got she did, but she first went through her heat thing and she bled all over and we were like what. I was like, what the fuck?
00:03:15
Speaker 2: This is the thing very important to get your dogsad.
00:03:18
Speaker 1: I feel I have weird feelings about doing it with Bertie because I'm like, that removes the choice from her hands.
00:03:26
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess, I guess.
00:03:30
Speaker 1: It's kind to I.
00:03:31
Speaker 2: Guess in the case that I mean, there's no there's no men around for Bertie too to have babies with. But but usually you should get your dogs vader neuter because there are way too many dogs that need homes already. Just needed to say it, thank you so much.
00:03:52
Speaker 1: What if Bertie's like, don't fucking family plan for me Bro, but wait, I want my own Birdie.
00:03:58
Speaker 2: I have a question. I really should have fact this before. But is it true that this is not true? I'm gonna sound so fucking stupid.
00:04:06
Speaker 1: Here we go. That money I paid for a private education, can go?
00:04:11
Speaker 2: I saw today on Instagram that they're gonna give rats birth control in New York City.
00:04:19
Speaker 1: They are, I.
00:04:22
Speaker 2: Really confirm that before in that case, making it easier for rats to receive birth control than most humans, really, which is really back. But I think that I mean again, I'm gonna sound so stupid if.
00:04:38
Speaker 1: It's not birth control, do you mean mouse trapsay?
00:04:47
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, hey, well oh yeah yeah, to lower its rap rat population, NYC considers birth control as a humane option. I'm hey, I mean, I should probably read about it before I say I support it. But that's true, that's so much better than killing the rats.
00:05:06
Speaker 1: Birth control for the rats for the girl rats, prophylactics for the boys. Well, that's you know, that is humane.
00:05:17
Speaker 2: That's at first, I was like, a lot more.
00:05:19
Speaker 1: Humane than what fucking Walkie did to the rat last week. Chills. So in an event, Bertie has been having her lady time and it I mean I'm not trying to stereotype or anything, but it has put her in something of a mood, like she's are you very jealous of Lucky? So if like she's always jealous of Lucky beyond she got into like a like a fistfight with Lucky today.
00:05:47
Speaker 2: Remember the fist fight on Christmas.
00:05:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that was over food. This was over affection where I was petting Bertie and I'm like, oh, it's getting Bertie attention, And Lucky came over and Bertie like pounced on her, put both paws on Lucky's head and did the snarl and her hair went up on her back, and she was like, she's so small.
00:06:07
Speaker 4: I wish you could you could see her. She's so she's just a baby size.
00:06:13
Speaker 1: And I've seen her in Lucky like tussle, like razzle.
00:06:17
Speaker 2: I've seen it.
00:06:18
Speaker 1: Lucky could destroy her like with a blink of an eye.
00:06:25
Speaker 2: But my dad just winked.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: But she really like holds back like Lucky holds back when Bertie gets all like weird like that, and I think she's like, look, I know what she's going through. But Bertie, you know, has been in a bit of a mood. So we went walking today. Then I took them to the dog park and Bertie met a boy.
00:06:55
Speaker 2: Bertie met a boy.
00:06:57
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's right there. She's like pretty met a boy and did like the thing where dogs like, oh my god's done of each other. She scampered at him and he scampered at her, and they chased each other a little bit. But he was definitely taking his nose like toward her crouch and what you know, well he was because she's like, you know at the tail end, my sister. Well, I was there just like a you know, fucking nun of a goddamn Catholic school dance. I was like, leave six inches for the Holy Spirit. So I made sure they were you.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: Know, there's no type of dog like.
00:07:43
Speaker 1: I don't know how to describe it, but like he was shorter. Was it like one of no, No, I wouldn't. I would have been girls. I don't like. It was a good old short hair, you know, presented well. I was like, hey, mister Smith, can I play with Bertie? Oh it was not.
00:08:06
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, what if Mo and.
00:08:07
Speaker 1: Birdie were could be friends? Bertie could be friends with the cat?
00:08:11
Speaker 2: Can I ask you on a date?
00:08:13
Speaker 1: Oh my god, if they went out, Oh.
00:08:15
Speaker 2: Mister Grandpa, can I ask your daughter on a date?
00:08:20
Speaker 1: Be kind of weird that the guy with the stereotypical Southern accent asks out his cousin by Birdie be my cousin. Well, I still love my.
00:08:36
Speaker 2: Overby. He's just a country bear.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: I don't care what the law says. It's one my horn, says my boy Morris says, I love my cousin play. He's even a dog. It was adorable, like because not only was she just playing with another dog, but she rarely doesn't. It was a boy dog and you could tell she was like oh oh, oh yeah, oh yeah. She was fucking flirting, is what it came down to. Wow. And then Lucky got involved and was like.
00:09:10
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh my god. Really walking was like no boy dog bull walk.
00:09:18
Speaker 1: Well, i'll tell you here getting past yeh know, Bertie. We were at where was I? Where's I walking? I was on running and it was like, I guess it was on Sunday because it was fucking packed day Saturday or Sunday. It was like packed. There were dogs like galore, and I went way early in the morning. So there I am walking the girls and they're on their double leash and.
00:09:47
Speaker 2: Stuff like that, but so crazy that you walk walking.
00:09:51
Speaker 1: I hate it too, but it's either that it's preferable to dying. That's what I period. All right, continue, So I'm walking east and again, you know she's got even Mom said this ain't me. I didn't notice. My mom called it out first because I picked up Bertie the other day when Pop was over and stuff, and I was holding her in my lap, and later on Mom was like, have you seen her business?
00:10:17
Speaker 2: And oh my gosh, inappropriate, I.
00:10:19
Speaker 1: Know, but it's like inflamed and on fire. He and she keeps looking at Oh my god, inappropriate for the beardless you're talking about. People are like dogs going heat. We're not talking about like, I'm not talking about your mother.
00:10:33
Speaker 2: But I'm like, okay, So.
00:10:43
Speaker 1: She's clearly, you know, giving off some sort of please you don't care. She's clearly given off some sort of scent, so much so that like boy, dogs are like, oh hello for the first time. Now. What's even crazier is we caught the attention of a dog. I only know his name because his owner had to scream it the entire way up. I mean kept going Benji no, Benji looked like, you know, a short fucking kind of spuds. Mackenzie is kind of dog low to the ground. Lucky is a large bear like dog.
00:11:22
Speaker 2: Lucky really does very.
00:11:25
Speaker 1: Large in size, like four times the size of Bertie. So if you you know, we're gonna fucking take a shot at the queen, so you better be Marmaduke, you better be a tall dog.
00:11:40
Speaker 2: He really is, he really is.
00:11:43
Speaker 1: She's the Queen. You gotta be a tall dog. This little ass dog was so fucking confused, right because he's like, he smells like somebody's in heat. They ain't Lucky because Lucky's been fixed, but it's Birdie. But he don't fucking go at Bertie.
00:12:01
Speaker 5: He Mountsaky and Wucky's expression, oh as she turned around and didn't look like Wucky you know, having must.
00:12:13
Speaker 1: Have been mounted before, because Bertie exists expected to look back and see a dog looking at her. She had to look back and then look down to be like, are you fucking kidding me? And gave him the butt She like twirked her ass and popped my man back onto his back. It was nuts.
00:12:35
Speaker 2: Onto his back, Oh my god, and just like.
00:12:39
Speaker 1: She wasn't like but she was just like, are you fucking real? That day is dumb? So my man kept following her, Oh my god, up the hill. The biggest Wucky fan in the world, Peppi leapew himself fucking creep chasing her up the hill and took a second fucking shot at the title. This time, Lucky turned around and viciously.
00:13:05
Speaker 2: Snapped reasonably so leave it. Lucky alone was un undeterred, could like down the hill.
00:13:15
Speaker 1: It's not like Lucky is like thrown off the scent or in heat like it would be.
00:13:20
Speaker 2: He's just like, oh my god, that's the most beautiful dog I've ever seen in my life.
00:13:24
Speaker 1: That or he's like so confused that the.
00:13:26
Speaker 2: Sounds he's taken away by beauty.
00:13:29
Speaker 1: He's just like, oh my god, she's gorgeous. Even though she's like I'm I'm like, I don't do this ship no more. Oh my god, I'm beyond this ship. You're out of your mind.
00:13:39
Speaker 2: I'm eight years old.
00:13:40
Speaker 1: For the whole walk up the hill, the guy kept going like Benji. No, he kept sucking.
00:13:45
Speaker 2: Like, was Benji not on a leash or something?
00:13:47
Speaker 1: No, Benji was free ranging.
00:13:48
Speaker 2: Benji should have been on a fucking leash and left fucking lucky alone. That's my sister. That's my sister, Benji.
00:13:56
Speaker 1: Look you she needed no protecting. Yeah, he's like this dog was shorter than Birdie. He would have had a better shot at Birdie, but just couldn't put it together. And is that either that or it is like you said, he was just like I like German butts in for.
00:14:14
Speaker 2: Real, honestly. I mean, Waki is one impressive.
00:14:16
Speaker 1: Special I like big butts.
00:14:22
Speaker 2: She's just kind of huge.
00:14:24
Speaker 1: Like she's got like she's not fat, she's very solid.
00:14:30
Speaker 2: Very muscular, very thick with two seas.
00:14:32
Speaker 1: And she she's thick with two seas and she's with all her walking. She's definitely drop.
00:14:37
Speaker 2: Big, big girl.
00:14:38
Speaker 1: She is.
00:14:39
Speaker 2: She's a bear in the Big Blue House.
00:14:40
Speaker 1: Bear, Bear in the Big Blue House. Yeah.
00:14:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, she looks like Bear in the Big Blue House.
00:14:45
Speaker 6: Bear.
00:14:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, welcome to the Blue House.
00:14:47
Speaker 2: She really really doesn't you know? She also looks like blue a little bit. Who Blue the bear? Yeah, she's she just looks like a fucking bear.
00:14:57
Speaker 1: She's very bear like. She looks like what's the name of the Monarch? Is the name of the California Bear.
00:15:03
Speaker 2: I would have never known that that because your mother.
00:15:07
Speaker 1: She's a massive fan of the state. She's like, game Monarc, what a cute name. I've been married for twenty five years. You trade all sorts of information.
00:15:18
Speaker 2: I see.
00:15:20
Speaker 1: I was happy to learn that was that's useful. Game Monarc make me California man, no greater fan of this state.
00:15:32
Speaker 2: So true, Walkee.
00:15:42
Speaker 1: Was the I feel unintended target of this little dog's affections.
00:15:49
Speaker 2: No, I definitely think that this tiny ass little dog was just taken away. Milwaukee's beautiful, beautiful, Oh my god. That yeah, I mean, honestly, she's.
00:16:04
Speaker 1: Just he was like, rocked me on a dais.
00:16:07
Speaker 2: Oh my.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: Dad. I'm trying to think of something German, because they're fucking German dogs.
00:16:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not too familiar with the German music.
00:16:22
Speaker 1: This ain't German, but it was international hit. Joe let text, it was an international hit. Something there or something there that is. That's all I got on on the dogs.
00:16:39
Speaker 2: I mean, the beardless dickless. The audience is probably like, yeah, we've heard enough.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you lost us at our fucking throbbing MoU Yeah.
00:16:48
Speaker 2: Literally, who the hell is even listening at this point?
00:16:52
Speaker 1: It must have been noticeable, though, because like Jennifer brought it up to be like, oh my god, I couldn't make eye contact.
00:17:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's let's talk not talk about the dogs anymore. Let's talk about the cats.
00:17:06
Speaker 1: What about it?
00:17:06
Speaker 2: Way more interesting. They just run, they do, you know, they.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: Don't They don't rock as much as the dog. I don't get into a passion dogs ration cats.
00:17:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm throwing something at you.
00:17:21
Speaker 1: I'm a dog person. I'm not against cats. I was a cat, and you change because you dogs give a lot more.
00:17:28
Speaker 2: I changed.
00:17:29
Speaker 1: Also, dogs are like give a little bit, give a little bit life.
00:17:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, and cats are like cats are like funk off.
00:17:41
Speaker 1: Cats are like you.
00:17:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, they are, They're perfect. You have to gain their respect, and I think that's cool. Dogs just hand it over like.
00:18:00
Speaker 1: Now, that's a fact. Remember when Glee was a thing. Oh yeah, and like Gwyneth Paltrow saying fuck you on Glee, but as forget you, they.
00:18:10
Speaker 2: Couldn't say, oh yeah, you.
00:18:14
Speaker 1: Man, Glee was the thing. You know, we went, we went to the set.
00:18:19
Speaker 2: We did. Yeah, that's crazy because Glee's a little bit of a curse.
00:18:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a.
00:18:26
Speaker 2: This is a sensitive subject, so I don't I don't know. It's a sense.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: Well, here I'll take off you by telling my fucking Glee story that I took the kid to Glee as previously mentioned, and uh, everyone was fucking lovely, the whole cast. Everyone was like, hey, blah.
00:18:48
Speaker 2: Blah blah, I can't that's crazy.
00:18:51
Speaker 1: It's like you met Corey mom.
00:18:54
Speaker 2: Teeth is Yeah, that's so crazy to think.
00:18:59
Speaker 1: And maybe even Melissa before before we.
00:19:02
Speaker 2: Even knew her Supergirl, that's so crazy nuts.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: So, uh, we'll go to the Glee set and my friend works there. Who uh yeah, I can say Carol Banker and she's like a big TV director now, like she was Continuity forever right, Like she was Contdy on Marats, not chasing Amy Dogma, not Jane southing about shrunk back Jersey Girl. Wow, she did every other one. But she always wanted to be a director and finally got to aggregate the director. And now she's directed like many. She directed a couple of Reachers, some titans like you know, the fucking my Burns whatever. She's directed a lot. So, but this was when she wasn't directed, and she was riding what we call little chair, what she calls little chair. Uh, you know, continuity on Glee. So she was there all the time, and you know, like every TV show they have different directors every day. Yeah, so she tells us and you were busy, like, Hi, coming, can we marry? One day, I was sitting there talking to Carol, going like, so it's a scoop here. She was like, Uh, why don't you come direct? And I was like, I can't do stuff like this. Oh my god, yes you can. She's going we had this guy in last week and it was a very famous director.
00:20:26
Speaker 2: Do you recall who I know exactly? Who are you going to say?
00:20:29
Speaker 1: We'll see, I'll tell the story and we'll figure it out.
00:20:32
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:20:34
Speaker 1: So uh, I was like, oh, get out of here. What's that cat like? And she goes asshole and I was like why she goes, He's just a fucking starfucker Like I didn't talk to me for the entire time, only talk to the actors.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: Write it on your phone and tell me. I need to know.
00:20:58
Speaker 1: He was a big dragger here now and he hasn't directed it in a red hot because some.
00:21:05
Speaker 2: Stuff you got to write it down that happened.
00:21:08
Speaker 1: But this guy when she told me that writ it on there. When she told me that I was like, get out of here, man, because everyone loves this guy.
00:21:19
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
00:21:21
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, I don't. And I was like, oh, and this was between the two gigantic fucking blockbusters that this dude directed, two billion dollar earning fucking movies.
00:21:35
Speaker 2: I would have never thought of this person.
00:21:38
Speaker 1: Especially, but she called it early because that, you.
00:21:42
Speaker 2: Know, ship, he don't work anymore.
00:21:45
Speaker 1: He got They took him to the woodshed for a number of things.
00:21:50
Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm not too familiar with I'm just glad.
00:21:54
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're not, because not any number of front if you'd been a big fan, then you have been heart program and if you worked with them, might have to be like, let's sit down and have a conversation.
00:22:06
Speaker 2: That's fad, that's but are going to be like, who the are you talking about?
00:22:11
Speaker 1: You don't figure it out, And there's only so many movies that have made a billion dollars, you know what I'm saying. Okay, So, and again I don't even know why I'm being discreet about it, because, you know, because it's not my story to tell somebody else together. But yeah, and I remember being really surprised. I was like, no, everybody loves this cat on the internet, and Carol was like, well, I don't I should phony it was the word that we used.
00:22:41
Speaker 2: That's no good.
00:22:42
Speaker 1: But starfucker like in our business, yeah, it's one thing if you're outside of the business and starfucker, like everybody's like, oh my god, that fucker is famous. But like when you work in the business, like you realize everybody's equally set, of course, but this cat was still of like, well, these people are beneath me. I'm only gonna talk to the cast.
00:23:04
Speaker 2: I know quite a few starfuckers, what do you mean in the business? In the business, yes, out and in, but the ones in suck even more because it's like they're just I mean, everybody's just using you.
00:23:19
Speaker 1: But is that what you feel. I've never really analyzed it to see if that's the case. You know why, Probably because I feel so guilty because I'm always using other people, right something you say, or like he be in my movie or fucking like this happened to us. But I'm gonna make it mine.
00:23:37
Speaker 2: I think people use you so much that if you realized it would blow your mind. We can talk about it. I'll expand later. But you're just a very very giving, gracious person, and sometimes I feel as though you give the wrong people. I think you're a little too for giving.
00:24:02
Speaker 1: In talking about your mother, she might be to hear.
00:24:09
Speaker 2: For the record, I'm not Mom. You know you'll never listen to this. I'm not talking about you, but I.
00:24:16
Speaker 1: Spoke about you, Tod Well. I guess I could say this. But we're recording this before we even get to Chronic Khan, as we said, but this is airing the week after Chronic Kan. But you know, Plus one is the first, one of the first shows up I do with your mom and for those that don't follow, and we used to do it for years and and and stuff, but we stopped and we don't do it as much. So we did it on the cruise ship and she had a blast. But now she's of course sweating, like you know, we're up first, this has to be perfect. She's like really hard on herself. I was like, and she's like, what do we gonna talk about? And we were driving the neighborhood yesterday and we saw, like we drove past one of the houses down the street and they had a sign out front that said wine and Cheese party four to six. You know, the neighborhood open, and she was like, oh my god. I was like, well, if we go, we'll have something to talk about them. So she said, yes, now we have to go.
00:25:15
Speaker 2: Really we didn't want to stuff. I shouldn't imagine you doing that.
00:25:19
Speaker 1: I would have done for the story. I wouldn't.
00:25:21
Speaker 2: I can't imagine you doing that ever.
00:25:23
Speaker 1: But but we uh, at that point, like when we realized, you know, oh my god, we didn't go, She's like, I won't have any of the talk about I said, Harley will be there. We can easily pull Harley.
00:25:34
Speaker 2: And how insulted do I feel that beardless dickless me live is not happy on chronicon.
00:25:40
Speaker 1: I'll say it on Mike hurt Off.
00:25:42
Speaker 2: My feels fucking left out.
00:25:44
Speaker 1: Beardless sickless me was invented. Oh four weeks.
00:25:50
Speaker 2: Doing it for us?
00:25:51
Speaker 5: Doing it?
00:25:53
Speaker 2: Mother? What the fuck?
00:25:56
Speaker 1: Four weeks and two days?
00:25:57
Speaker 2: Where's the beardless dickless love and wing to build an empire here off the backs of the beardless dick liss.
00:26:03
Speaker 1: I'm strategic, but let me tell you something.
00:26:06
Speaker 2: About oh please, oh please.
00:26:09
Speaker 1: You know, if I can give it away at Crown account b where everyone's already going and ship. You saved that until we do of ourselves.
00:26:16
Speaker 2: I think you're just trying to make we're doing it for a.
00:26:18
Speaker 1: Minimum ten to fifteen K show. No, I'm saying it because I'm a smack reality fuck If that don't get.
00:26:28
Speaker 2: If that were to ever be true, that would be a the best thing in the world.
00:26:37
Speaker 1: Bar is that low. I think I can fucking make it.
00:26:40
Speaker 2: I have a mortgage, of course, my bar is not that low. That's it. That's like a huge amount of.
00:26:45
Speaker 1: Money, and we can totally.
00:26:48
Speaker 2: I got bills to pay, I got four cats. I need a new electric glitter box. Mommy needs a new electric litter box for real. Another one, yeah, because the other one broke, the one that I not. No, No, the one the one use is up and so generously.
00:27:04
Speaker 1: So the other one does. Now you're back to one. Yes, So now the brand news.
00:27:08
Speaker 2: Yes, And I want to get I want to get the same one. So maybe after chronicon I can bring home my babies a new litter loo.
00:27:16
Speaker 1: I'm telling you my plan is for an early we let you know, this podcast has been out for literally for fucking weeks, about as long as the four thirty movie which came and fucking went like a far theaters as all Kevin Smith movies.
00:27:30
Speaker 4: Did you just say like a far?
00:27:32
Speaker 1: Yeah?
00:27:33
Speaker 4: Oh my god, stop it.
00:27:34
Speaker 2: Right, So the podcast is like not any fault of the movies.
00:27:39
Speaker 1: It's in its infancy, to say the least mercifully. Like we got to jump on since I was doing press, I was like, let's fucking title this podcast? Yeah, because and you know we got to talk about it on SETH Myers and fucking every place.
00:27:57
Speaker 2: So it's pretty cool.
00:27:58
Speaker 1: So we've been able to spread the word and with no marketing dollars. Our Heart was like, we don't have anything till next year. Don't worry about the.
00:28:05
Speaker 2: Fact that anyone wants to listen to us talk is crazy to me.
00:28:10
Speaker 1: And we're not call her Daddy because we don't have Kamala Harris here yet.
00:28:15
Speaker 2: So true, but one days.
00:28:20
Speaker 1: Election we can have her on the show and she'll be like, I could never be on it with the title.
00:28:29
Speaker 2: I am wondering how we're ever going to get sponsors easy? Do you think that like anyone will want to associate with her name?
00:28:40
Speaker 1: I guess we're gonna find out. Daniel, our producer over at Our.
00:28:43
Speaker 2: Heart, will tell come on Dan make some mask.
00:28:46
Speaker 1: Like we've had a problem getting adds.
00:28:49
Speaker 2: I'm like, can you please make it the Little Robot or Little Loop please? I need a new one.
00:28:55
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I think hook up a live show gig. But you know, where's where?
00:29:02
Speaker 6: Where?
00:29:03
Speaker 2: Who would come?
00:29:04
Speaker 1: People listen?
00:29:05
Speaker 2: As I'm so scared that's who the fuck gives a fuck about me or anything I do.
00:29:11
Speaker 1: Well, I think if they got if they're a fan of the show, they would absolutely show up. And I think that's my My plan is we do this for a few more months in early twenty twenty five. That's when we do the first live one.
00:29:22
Speaker 2: I remember going to that's where we make the money.
00:29:25
Speaker 1: I mean, and when you get the money, you get the women. When you get the women, you get the power.
00:29:30
Speaker 2: I don't even know with my notes on that.
00:29:34
Speaker 1: But.
00:29:36
Speaker 2: I just can't. I just can't imagine that, like anyone wants to hear my voice. So it's cool that people do listen, and if we get to make confidence and show Okay, shut the fuck the whole.
00:29:50
Speaker 1: Last fucking podcast prior to this even happen that people for years have been like bringing it back, bring it back when edits when you were like.
00:29:59
Speaker 2: I don't want to talk about veganism. I don't want to talk about VIGANO.
00:30:02
Speaker 1: Well it's I just not I don't want to talk about vegans. And I was like, look, we want to launch a successful podcast. Leave that word, replace it with that's how you sell.
00:30:13
Speaker 2: And every single business is like, no, thank you.
00:30:18
Speaker 1: So now, yeah, I'm telling you that's doable.
00:30:21
Speaker 2: I'm going to put out music by the end of the year. That's pretty cool.
00:30:25
Speaker 1: That's very cool, super cool. Got a name for your band yet?
00:30:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I want for me to do yep, you know you got it.
00:30:35
Speaker 1: That is the word that was like, oh betwixt well that was you asked, But there was another word that was like, oh, I'm sure.
00:30:45
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I forgot about Nah.
00:30:49
Speaker 1: It's Momily's am sure.
00:30:56
Speaker 2: They're like they have taken this momly thing way too far?
00:31:00
Speaker 1: Are the I'm but sure? Long but sure.
00:31:03
Speaker 2: You know my bands and I'm sure and.
00:31:08
Speaker 1: Harley Quinn's are but sure.
00:31:10
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that person's tweet or whatever that was or X or whatever the fun you call it now that you sent me of spelling cinnamon a different way, it was awesome.
00:31:21
Speaker 1: You like that.
00:31:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, shout out to that person that made me smile.
00:31:25
Speaker 1: Tweet I sent where somebody who's like the band name should be Cinnamon but spelled s Iamble tamble.
00:31:45
Speaker 2: Cinnamon has been so bad lately anyways.
00:31:48
Speaker 1: Here there have been some people I've seen on Twitter who are like, where do these clips come from? Because I put up clips of the show, and uh, I guess we should say. If you go to that Kevin Smith club all one word dot com, you can actually see it.
00:32:06
Speaker 2: You can see us.
00:32:07
Speaker 1: You see what we look like when we do it like on the show like see our faces phrase poorly, so you can see our faces. Fucking mind where your head went? Fucking daughter?
00:32:20
Speaker 2: Are you christ with our beauty?
00:32:24
Speaker 1: Yeah? You can see us. You could like, like, right now I'm looking in the camera, you could be looking at me while I'm looking at you, and you.
00:32:30
Speaker 2: Might even catch Walkie in the background.
00:32:32
Speaker 1: What if you found out? Oh no, what if you found out the show became very popular?
00:32:42
Speaker 2: What's the hypothetical? What's the it? But I know a butt's coming? What have I got to give.
00:32:49
Speaker 1: Up in sacrifice for some reason?
00:32:53
Speaker 2: Oh?
00:32:54
Speaker 1: No? The New York Times writes a piece about like we don't know why, but it's what's driving It's like one of them TikTok trends. I remember when motherfucker's dressed up in suits to go see Oppenheimer and people are like why, but just because it's kind of like this. Okay, so beer lisstickles me has big numbers m M in a very specific community. Oh oh no community, Well what would be your nightmare community? We'll start there and see if I really want to put me on the spot like that here, I'll spare you, spare me the spot. Come on, bro, the community that makes our podcast a hit, and I mean ridiculous numbers, whereas like that fucking nothing we're doing like bird Kreischer, Tom segera fucking call her daddy numbers. What is it with a very specific some might say misunderstood audience.
00:34:00
Speaker 2: I just feel as though this is gonna get me another negative review. My answer to whatever this hypothetical is.
00:34:08
Speaker 1: It turns out that for an entire subset of people, certain age group, if you will, certain age group, and because of some trend on TikTok took off, people like to listen to beardless dickless me.
00:34:25
Speaker 2: While why do you have to be this way?
00:34:29
Speaker 1: Why?
00:34:30
Speaker 4: Why do you have to be this way, you're so weird?
00:34:33
Speaker 1: Would you care? Would you care if that was the metric that made the show successful?
00:34:41
Speaker 4: One?
00:34:41
Speaker 2: Why does your head think that way to.
00:34:45
Speaker 1: Thirty years doing this shit? Yeah, this is hypothetical. You don't have to worry. But if it came true, if it was the popular podcast became so popular all over again, a subset of people that are just like I downloaded that ship and we fucking go all night. Their shows are that's how long we take it.
00:35:12
Speaker 3: We match their pace, man, we take it all the way to have a beard listen day. That's when I finish, and we finished together, because that's love.
00:35:23
Speaker 2: You already know I'm having a hard day. I'm hanging on my thread.
00:35:27
Speaker 1: You fuck, But why would that bother you get weird? Who gives a ship listeners? Man? And they're not like fucking like, they're not, They're just they're listeners in love, man, Just sure they love by way of listening to the sh.
00:35:45
Speaker 2: Fucking whatever you want to think and you're a weird little twist in mind.
00:35:49
Speaker 1: I don't know why that would unterview like that to me. I'm like, really, that's who listens fantastic.
00:35:54
Speaker 2: I'd rather be like, how.
00:35:56
Speaker 1: Much of the show did they hear?
00:35:58
Speaker 2: I mean, if something there's the playtime, like the run time.
00:36:03
Speaker 1: I mean, let's say you get the run.
00:36:04
Speaker 2: Time, and then if you listen to the whole thing, give it airtime or runtime or whatever it's called, and then leave a five star review. Do whatever the fuck you want.
00:36:14
Speaker 1: Okay. So for the people out there who are like I like the time, I love.
00:36:19
Speaker 2: Making to your show, then I have major questions for you, and I just wonder what the fuck happened to you.
00:36:26
Speaker 1: They like the sound of your voice, like I think nobody.
00:36:29
Speaker 2: Likes the sound of my voice.
00:36:30
Speaker 1: Oh shit, fucking there's a dude you've been fucking living with for five years must like the sound of your voice. You say ship and I never see him go like, well you're not seeing the full sem a lot like this.
00:36:46
Speaker 2: I heard my voice in that video I sent to you today, and I was like, oh my god, what of what happened to my voice?
00:36:57
Speaker 1: You don't think voice?
00:36:58
Speaker 2: I obviously am the weirdest fucking voice. Why do you think that it's honestly weird and ugly?
00:37:05
Speaker 1: Bullshit? And not because you're like related to me, but like if somebody was like describe Harley Quinn's voice in ten words. Weird would never come into.
00:37:14
Speaker 2: Me, but weird deep.
00:37:21
Speaker 1: Voice.
00:37:21
Speaker 2: The only thing, the only thing cool about my voice is that I can do cartoon like I can do like animal voices and stuff. I can do weird things with my voice that I think are cool but my but my normal speaking voice is just which I'm sure I could change.
00:37:39
Speaker 1: You can't. Like you're a fucking actor.
00:37:41
Speaker 2: You do whatever you want, all right, but just if I'm comfortably speaking, it's so weird sounding.
00:37:47
Speaker 1: I didn't like the sound of my own voice. Now I love it. I hate the sound of young Kevin Smith's voice.
00:37:54
Speaker 2: Can you do an impression?
00:37:56
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't even do it. I left him behind hot your eyes like cool?
00:38:01
Speaker 2: Oh my god, No, it was so high. It's just like everything is no, no, no, it's not like that. It's high.
00:38:08
Speaker 1: What do you mean.
00:38:10
Speaker 2: It's I don't know how to I don't even know how to describe. But it's just it's not your voice. I mean I guess it is, and you're just a fake now.
00:38:19
Speaker 1: But like it's a fake now. I've just seasoned my fucking voice, man, Like I did a lot of fucking weat smoking back in the day.
00:38:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe your voice is actually just like destroyed at this point.
00:38:29
Speaker 1: It's not destroyed, man, it's melodic. I get to work it like an instrument. I learned how to work my fucking voice, Like Okay, here you go. Oh my god, I'm gonna let you hear. Kevin Smith on The John Stuart Show, nineteen ninety four, The John Stuart on MTV got it.
00:38:49
Speaker 6: Kevin cheers, you're the first guest tonight that will actually finish?
00:38:56
Speaker 2: Is that you budget? Let me see it? You really?
00:39:02
Speaker 7: You enjoy a good piece of food, sugar, you know what. I enjoy your movie.
00:39:06
Speaker 6: It's one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time.
00:39:08
Speaker 7: The movie Clerks is really fade.
00:39:12
Speaker 2: Remember, Oh my god.
00:39:20
Speaker 8: Basically I've worked in convenience stirs for about six years. Oh so yeah, oh and uh it's sooner or later.
00:39:28
Speaker 6: I just wanted to get out of there.
00:39:29
Speaker 8: And after six years, you have enough to fill one movie, right, So it came from there.
00:39:34
Speaker 7: So these are all things that sort of happened to you or just sort of taken from there.
00:39:37
Speaker 6: Pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. I mean stuff somehow, some stuff happened, some stuff did very funny stuff.
00:39:41
Speaker 7: Here's a quick clip from Clerks right now.
00:39:44
Speaker 2: I'm sorry to this man. I don't know this man. I literally, who the fuck is that?
00:39:49
Speaker 1: I feel bad for John Stewart man, like fucking like that was what you said. A, that's what I sounded like, and B that's what a terrible interview I was. I always wanted to get out of that store. Man. Everything was so hard for me gen ICs and it's painful.
00:40:07
Speaker 2: You sound I feel like, yeah, you sound like somebody.
00:40:15
Speaker 1: And if I sound like you, bro listen.
00:40:20
Speaker 2: I think your voice is higher than mine.
00:40:22
Speaker 1: That could be.
00:40:23
Speaker 2: I think your voice is I feel like if I try to think about it, I can figure out who is.
00:40:32
Speaker 6: There's a lot of language, graphic sexual.
00:40:36
Speaker 8: There's no sex, there's no violence, just like in my real life.
00:40:41
Speaker 6: You laugh, but it's true. No, it was just I guess there's a lot.
00:40:44
Speaker 8: Of language I should can tell by the beets, right.
00:40:48
Speaker 6: Basically, Marx hired that ye hired for the appeal, which.
00:41:00
Speaker 2: You're literally acting like a nineties rock star?
00:41:04
Speaker 1: Is that what it is?
00:41:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's literally exactly how every fucking nineties rock star acts, like like they just don't give a fuck.
00:41:12
Speaker 1: They're like, well, maybe it wasn't. It wasn't just the rock stars. None of us gave a fuck.
00:41:16
Speaker 2: It was then I guess maybe none of you gave a fuck. But that just reminds me of like every nineties band interview I've ever watched.
00:41:23
Speaker 8: Up because Alan Derschwitz a lawyer that defended class fund below fortune.
00:41:28
Speaker 6: So it's me, Klaus. This moment was made for twenty and seventy five bucks.
00:41:36
Speaker 7: Unbelievable, and that was all just pocket six years working at the convenience store.
00:41:41
Speaker 9: Some of it.
00:41:41
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was just like expectations.
00:41:44
Speaker 8: I sold the Comico collection to do that, right, And I had a couple of cars that I lost in a flood.
00:41:49
Speaker 6: And the government gave me insurance money for it, and I used that that went to the budget.
00:41:54
Speaker 8: We just cut corners and stuff like when we were we bought the film at the Kodak and they give you like a.
00:41:58
Speaker 6: Fifteen percent discounter. That's nice.
00:42:00
Speaker 8: But I didn't have a student ID, so me and my producer are there and then they're like, where's your ID?
00:42:04
Speaker 6: And I turned my producer.
00:42:05
Speaker 8: I'm like, you know, Scott, where's your student Id's like, oh, it's downstairs in my school bag and they so we just went down to the.
00:42:12
Speaker 6: New School for Social Research.
00:42:14
Speaker 8: I applied for a one day course A suckling pig, got a student ida, went back up, got fifteen percent.
00:42:20
Speaker 6: Discount, went back downtown, dropped the course. No suckling pig. No no.
00:42:24
Speaker 7: And it takes a lot of balls to lay yourself on the line like that, and you know, spend that kind of money and do it.
00:42:29
Speaker 6: But it's a tremendous saying.
00:42:30
Speaker 7: Now you're of course you got the big deal with whatever Disney Spielberg paramount something and a universe millions of dollars and going to leave all your old friends behind.
00:42:38
Speaker 8: And yeah, now they're in the green room.
00:42:41
Speaker 6: Actually, are they really?
00:42:42
Speaker 7: I brought up posse they didn't any of the people that are in the movie out there.
00:42:45
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a few of them. Definitely. My lawyer's back there too, in case, yeah, you.
00:42:48
Speaker 7: Got a lawyer gets in case I take a bunch or anything like that.
00:42:51
Speaker 6: In the sec I'm talking, all right, that's cool.
00:42:54
Speaker 7: Have there been like a great response from clerks You walk in a convenience store and tears in his eyes at the seven eleven.
00:42:59
Speaker 6: That is my story. You knowthing like that.
00:43:01
Speaker 8: Yeah, people see me as some sort of like a prophet or something.
00:43:03
Speaker 6: Now, no, nobody, I mean hardly anyone.
00:43:05
Speaker 1: Seen the film.
00:43:06
Speaker 6: Oh it hasn't really a lot of film festival people.
00:43:09
Speaker 7: Sorry, that's where the big talk wasn't all that She's gonna travel around at the festivals and keep it going.
00:43:13
Speaker 1: Yep?
00:43:14
Speaker 6: Well, I personally laughed, thought it was a very.
00:43:17
Speaker 2: Funny, fie.
00:43:18
Speaker 6: I've never heard you speak, Dershowitz.
00:43:21
Speaker 7: I'm sure we'll get me off. I don't comment there, but but thank you very much for coming by film.
00:43:25
Speaker 6: Thanks, lad.
00:43:30
Speaker 10: Is.
00:43:31
Speaker 1: I have so many thoughts, that's crazy.
00:43:33
Speaker 2: I don't think you ever just ever say yep, like you're like, yep, and here's a novel.
00:43:39
Speaker 1: And do you know why? Because I learned from watching those interviews, I'm like, oh my god, I made that dude work so fucking hard.
00:43:46
Speaker 2: That's like, you're just like a different human.
00:43:50
Speaker 1: That was me before I knew how to be how older either, It is nineteen ninety four and he said the movie is just about to come out twenty four years.
00:44:00
Speaker 2: I was like, so we were like when I was born.
00:44:04
Speaker 1: I mean five years. Let's Kevin Smith. I was born That was Kevin Smith nineteen ninety four. So we'll do.
00:44:14
Speaker 2: Kevin scared me. You seem like a fucking I don't know.
00:44:21
Speaker 1: I think it was a fantastic assessment in terms of you being like.
00:44:26
Speaker 2: It literally seems like a Nirvana interview or something, and they just don't give a single fuck. It's crazy.
00:44:33
Speaker 1: Here's the You know when I protested my own movie, So that right?
00:44:37
Speaker 2: So what?
00:44:39
Speaker 1: So I protested Dogma?
00:44:41
Speaker 2: You protested It opens tonight and it's already generating a huge amount of controversy, and.
00:44:47
Speaker 6: So is its creator Kevin Smith.
00:44:49
Speaker 1: That lives right here.
00:44:49
Speaker 2: Ney's New Jerseys Caroline Shively reports on one protest against the movie in Eatontown tonight.
00:44:58
Speaker 10: Organizers in Eaton Town and had hoped for hundreds to join them in the protest against the movie Dogma.
00:45:04
Speaker 11: Instead, they got less than two dozen. But they were joined by this man.
00:45:08
Speaker 10: He wouldn't admit it, but he looked and sounded suspiciously like Dogma's writer, director, co star in New Jersey resident Kevin Smith.
00:45:17
Speaker 8: I don't think it stands for anything positive.
00:45:20
Speaker 6: What is it temper? I don't know, but I've been told not good.
00:45:23
Speaker 10: The movie follows two fallen angels who try to get back into heaven and the people who.
00:45:28
Speaker 11: Were fighting to keep them out. Thirteenth a possible. You knew Christ. We're old than twelve months, but lines like that have many groups angry. And we're here with.
00:45:39
Speaker 12: A small number, but we're the church militant. We should have more Catholics here. If this was a direct attack again it's Muslims or the Holocaust or the Jewish people, you would see them outrage.
00:45:52
Speaker 11: The protesters didn't seem to slow down.
00:45:54
Speaker 10: The number of people pouring into the theater to see the film.
00:45:58
Speaker 1: Just makes me want to see it more.
00:45:59
Speaker 7: Actually, yeah, if there's controversy about it, I think.
00:46:02
Speaker 1: They might be taking it too seriously. I mean, it's just a film.
00:46:04
Speaker 8: It's it's a comedy, so you really shouldn't take it too seriously.
00:46:07
Speaker 10: The batter between the protesters and filmmakers is sure to continue for as long as the film runs, but in the end, this is a fight that might be one or lost at the box office in Eatontown.
00:46:18
Speaker 11: Caroline Shively News twelve, New Jersey.
00:46:20
Speaker 1: Smith's Productions actually posts hate mail and receives on its website.
00:46:28
Speaker 2: I honestly think that you protested and pretended to not be you is probably the coolest thing you've ever done.
00:46:38
Speaker 1: I think it's sweet watching your face react to it. The internet been aware of that. Ever about every six months, somebody on Earth's that and they're like, you know, Kevin Smith protested his own.
00:46:47
Speaker 2: Movie, but like, pretended to be not you. That is actually the coolest thing you've ever done. The hands down.
00:46:57
Speaker 1: Kind of shit we did in the nineties. Son. Anyway, that's my voice when you were born. You're you're alive as to me.
00:47:04
Speaker 2: Like, honestly, not that I didn't perspect.
00:47:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, what the fuck man? Not that I like, I get who you are.
00:47:13
Speaker 4: That makes me be.
00:47:14
Speaker 2: Like, damn, you're pretty cool. That's that's sick as hell.
00:47:20
Speaker 1: That's honestly really impressing twenty somethings is like my aim in life now.
00:47:26
Speaker 2: Pressive.
00:47:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was fun times. But anyway, the voice, that's my voice when you were born, Wow, you were alive. You were with Nanna Pop while me and Brian Johnson and your mom we're at the theater.
00:47:41
Speaker 4: That's cool.
00:47:42
Speaker 1: As me and Brian joined the line, your mom was off like to the side taking pictures.
00:47:48
Speaker 2: Really, what you and Malcolm. He said, Brian Johnson, if.
00:47:53
Speaker 1: You see in the footage, he's like standing next to me. But yeah, they interviewed me and they're like the lady, the lady. She got out of the car because we joined. I heard it was going to be like fifteen hundred people, so I was like, that's everybody in our hometown. We got there was only fifteen people, so I joined the line. We had made signs me and Brian and your mom at home at the Ocean porthouse and wrote like to hell with Dogma and dogma is dog shit, and we took glue and put sparkles on. So we both went there with our signs and it was like, you know, there was nobody there, so we joined the line. We start praying, but Brian Johnson he don't know the prayers and shit. I was like our father Horne him and he was like our father Jesus.
00:48:35
Speaker 2: Her being like, there's this man here who looks oddly like the director.
00:48:41
Speaker 1: When I saw them pull up, that's so and she got out and she looked so disappointed because the lot they weren't.
00:48:46
Speaker 2: A lot of Yeah, and then.
00:48:48
Speaker 1: Her and cameraman got a car and she's looking at her clipboard and then she looked over at us. I guess she was trying to figure out what shot. And then she looks at me and then she looks at her clipboard and then she looks back at me and she comes over and she's like, are you Are you him? And I pointed to the statue of Jesus. I was like, no, that's him, Oh my god. And she was like, you're not Kevin Smith. I was like no. She goes, can I interview you? And I said yeah, and I get an interview and at the end she goes, but your name. I was like, Brian Johnson really And Momily called me after it was on TV to be like, Tiger, there's a boy on TV looks just like you.
00:49:32
Speaker 11: Serious. Oh my god, Oh my god.
00:49:36
Speaker 4: She believed it.
00:49:37
Speaker 1: She did, oh my god. Because they hear saw the report. They're like, he looks suspiciously liked that they couldn't identify me.
00:49:44
Speaker 4: There's a guy that looks exactly.
00:49:46
Speaker 1: Just exactly Harley, Harley, that's Cooky Man.
00:49:53
Speaker 2: I missed. Momily.
00:49:54
Speaker 1: She's the best all right man, passionate ration time. Wow, that's right, fucking.
00:50:00
Speaker 2: Mean flew By so true.
00:50:03
Speaker 1: Now the bar is high. Before you leave this world. You got to protest your own movie.
00:50:08
Speaker 2: Obviously, passion is finding out you did that. That's just like.
00:50:13
Speaker 1: That makes me happy. That makes me feel that I.
00:50:15
Speaker 2: Don't know, that's like, that's really fucking metal, is cool.
00:50:20
Speaker 1: My hope is that I've done enough things and and of course cataloged it all and talked about it all over the place and ship that when I'm gone, you will be discovering shit about me until you die. Where you're like, I had no idea he did that.
00:50:36
Speaker 2: Well, it's like I know, I know you that you now and like seeing that you was just like I don't have no idea who that guy is, but like I hate that kid. I love him to.
00:50:51
Speaker 1: Death because he got me here. But I can't stand how how fucking I it was era, But yeah.
00:51:01
Speaker 2: That is literally the epito. I wasn't even there, but that's the epitome of the nineties.
00:51:06
Speaker 1: I remember, like nobody ever there was no class on like this is how to conduct an interview, asshole like like that. All the interview I did was like based on interviews that I had seen.
00:51:17
Speaker 2: So crazy, that's literally like the group of that that's where I wish I was more than anything, like that's the group of humans that I feel most connected to that era. Yes, and to see like you, it's just like it's so crazy.
00:51:36
Speaker 1: It makes me cringe, Like it's just every every like fucking one decent joke and then undercut of like you laugh, but it's true.
00:51:46
Speaker 2: I mean it's not like the jokes are like, are funny, but it's more just like, wow, he really doesn't give a fuck like when you when you watch watch the difference is it's not joke. Give oh an infinite amount of fucks.
00:52:07
Speaker 1: Yeah I couldn't. I couldn't give.
00:52:09
Speaker 2: More more fucks possibly.
00:52:11
Speaker 1: But then yes, everything was like do I have to do this? All right?
00:52:16
Speaker 2: That's just so crazy because it's you really just don't give a fuck, And like if you watch interviews of Courtney Love like negative fucks and it's just like crazy to see you as that, it's really it's really blowing my mind.
00:52:36
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, like kind of blowing my mind. I'm like, because you never here's my advice to you in your free time, Yeah, just google all right, but like Kevin Smith any particular year and you can listen to my voice and attitude change. You can watch me start caring and it doesn't kick in for a long time. Though I was interviewed so much, so much, particularly from the beginning. It's not even like and it's like, I don't I honestly don't know why they continued to interview me based on that interview, Like what the fuck did that guy have to offer? I don't know. It's very sweet.
00:53:31
Speaker 6: She wouldn't care.
00:53:34
Speaker 2: He was he would take a rockster, but now he cares.
00:53:39
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be bleeding heart.
00:53:44
Speaker 4: Crying so hard and laughing at the same time.
00:53:49
Speaker 1: Joy, I'll take whatever.
00:53:55
Speaker 4: Now there are tears coming from my eyes.
00:53:59
Speaker 1: This is why you want to go to that Kevin Smith club. Kids. You can see the metamorphosis of Harley's face that she goes from laughter to tears. That happens, oh, thirty years ago in.
00:54:10
Speaker 4: This insane thing where I start crying but then it makes me laugh that I'm crying, and then it just looks fucking psychotic. But it's just like, oh no, I don't even know if I can say it, but it's.
00:54:27
Speaker 1: Just like, well, we're waiting. What is it?
00:54:34
Speaker 4: That's like the era that means so much to me.
00:54:37
Speaker 1: That era. Yeah, like the era that I helped define.
00:54:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, it really doesn't like see you be like because I.
00:54:48
Speaker 13: Feel like you don't under you always say like we differ, Like I don't really get. I mean you obviously like have your own relationship with music, but like you never want to make music, but like.
00:54:58
Speaker 1: Just not that fe was like a musician.
00:55:02
Speaker 2: That feels like the like the crossover of like.
00:55:05
Speaker 1: May I maybe why do you think there's something there that that brings you into the mix? Right? Just like this here, I'll I have a theory for why perhaps I am that person and not so much. You know, now I get why I am the way I am now because I'm like, oh my god, I would never dream of fucking taking up somebody's time and not being entertaining. But there were no directors doing press prior you know what I'm saying, Like just so I couldn't. But I'm saying like I couldn't look at a director and be like, that's the attitude you're supposed to have because there wasn't a lot of it's just for me, it would probably be like, well this is what people like, don't I don't know.
00:55:57
Speaker 2: Just when I see that, I feel like, I already hell sits at the time. It's all It's like, I already relate to you so much. But when I see that, oh my.
00:56:10
Speaker 1: God, are you like to Keeople online or were like, go back to being that guy you were so cool then before you got walk and ship?
00:56:20
Speaker 4: It would it would suck if you were like that.
00:56:23
Speaker 1: As my dad like, oh my god, if I was just.
00:56:26
Speaker 2: It would suck.
00:56:27
Speaker 1: Dad, I'm having problems, are you? Are you? I have brain freeze?
00:56:32
Speaker 2: I fucking suck. But's just like seeing that you were like that, we got it, and we got I.
00:56:43
Speaker 4: Call this man no passion around.
00:56:45
Speaker 1: You gotta fashion around.
00:56:46
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, you're never allowed to use this footage because look at my face.
00:56:52
Speaker 9: The only people go to see it all at that Kevin Smith club dot com. If you want to see Harley's We're in this makeup job, go to that Kevin Smith club dot com. All right, Passion irration apparently passion for you is dad protesting a movie twenty five years ago, Adorable. I was just at the LA Comic Con yesterday and I did a panel for Chronic Blunt Punch, the video game that Trevor's friend Justin has been making.
00:57:22
Speaker 1: For years and looks great. But they asked me at one point during the Q and A though, like, what are your what's the last like video game you played or remember Loving No, that's you.
00:57:32
Speaker 2: I never really that was the last one you played, but they.
00:57:35
Speaker 1: Wanted to know that I played like all the way through.
00:57:38
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
00:57:39
Speaker 1: I said the Lego Star Wars with my kid. I was like, we never watched Star Wars, but that's how she ingested play Lego Star Wars. We could totally do, I kidd, come on over, we have a giant fucking TV upstairs. But I said, we didn't really watch some movies.
00:57:56
Speaker 6: But she ingested the.
00:57:58
Speaker 1: Star Wars saga through the Lego Star Wars and people were like, that's so sweet.
00:58:03
Speaker 2: It's true true, Well.
00:58:06
Speaker 1: That's partly whites, all right.
00:58:09
Speaker 2: I can't even see.
00:58:13
Speaker 1: Rashing passion waterproof makeup rashing that you pick up that runs. I'll give you my passion bomba.
00:58:23
Speaker 4: Oh so true.
00:58:24
Speaker 1: I've rediscovered bomba. Do you have it as a gun? Room bomba? Is keep taking It's the peanuts snack now, Like I ain't trying to get political. This is the peanuts snack from Israel comes straight out of Israel. Israeli kids are raised on it, and they say that it's there's no like people in Israel with a peanut allergy, because they've raised fucking babies with this bomba. It's got like three ingredients maybe four. It's like corn, peanuts, salt.
00:58:52
Speaker 2: What am I start growing about bomba?
00:58:55
Speaker 1: I'm sure you will. She was eating her whole young life and ship, and recently I rediscovered I saw a case of bamba at Ralph's.
00:59:02
Speaker 2: I told you you go to Ralphs. You always You're.
00:59:05
Speaker 1: Like, Harley had a theory before.
00:59:06
Speaker 2: She was no, no, no, don't say the theory.
00:59:08
Speaker 4: Please, please don't say the theory.
00:59:09
Speaker 1: I can't wait to share, no, yea. So I pick up a thing, a big old box, a fucking bomba, and Jennifer's like, oh these are back. I was like yeah, man, And so Harley saw him too, and she was like, give me so many ship. But they're cheese doodles, but without cheese. Made a peanut.
00:59:25
Speaker 2: My friend had one, like took one the other day and was like, oh my god, I thought this was going to be cheese.
00:59:32
Speaker 1: I was like, they in their own branded Yeah. Yeah, but it's still bomba but oh, I've been having a love affair with the bomb So there's my passion. My ration is Birdie being jealous of Lucky. I can't stand this ship less of that.
00:59:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tough to say.
00:59:48
Speaker 1: It's really tough to watch like her get jealous over me where I'm like, I am fucking either of you. So fucking don't Betty and Veronica this ship? Well, it's true. I mean, wouldn't be worse if I was, like, I'm gonna fuck one of them, Harley, I just don't know which one's nice.
01:00:03
Speaker 2: Why does it got to be a topic.
01:00:06
Speaker 1: Oh, why does it have to be a topic after thirty years?
01:00:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, bro, it's still fine and fascinating.
01:00:16
Speaker 1: I can't believe you don't talk about as much as I do, considering you are my kid.
01:00:21
Speaker 2: This bra I told you we have to end my makeup.
01:00:27
Speaker 1: You didn't write any down, did you?
01:00:29
Speaker 7: No?
01:00:29
Speaker 1: I did. I'm gonna hit you with my passion, passion, irration.
01:00:35
Speaker 2: Boomers like baby boomers. Yeah, what age group is that? Oh? Well, I I honestly I love well, wait, let me look up what age it is. I love the elderly. I love the elderly. Nana par like literally just they're they're perfect. They're perfect, little chair of angels.
01:01:03
Speaker 1: I love the elderlier so boomers passion, irration, ration, like the old people. It's time for the young youth.
01:01:12
Speaker 2: This king passion. I love old.
01:01:14
Speaker 1: People, passion, irration, driving, passion.
01:01:19
Speaker 2: I love driving because I listen to music.
01:01:22
Speaker 1: You can do that.
01:01:22
Speaker 2: I just sound like you in the interview. I like driving music.
01:01:27
Speaker 13: Yeah.
01:01:27
Speaker 1: No, if you were me in the interview, they'd be like, do you like music, You'd be like, yeah, yep. I like, okay, no, wonder this fucker played silent Bob. Now I sit down for an interview, I'm like, shut up and I run. No.
01:01:41
Speaker 2: Now you're like Seth Myers, here's fire script I wrote, and you don't see a single word.
01:01:45
Speaker 1: I learned my lesson. Every time I see that interview, I cringe. I'm like, God, damn it, somebody was That was like one of his last episodes, and for years I felt like if I'd been better.
01:01:56
Speaker 2: I just can't believe that you pretended to be somebody else.
01:02:00
Speaker 1: So the protest anyways, you think that's metal? Yeah, that star type behavior legendary.
01:02:05
Speaker 2: Blow my mind. Okay, what's the.
01:02:07
Speaker 1: Next legend uh passion ration guns?
01:02:12
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I mean fucking how why why you gotta put me.
01:02:17
Speaker 1: On the spot. I don't think. Yeah, you think the n r A audience is listening to the beardless. I don't know. But it doesn't have to be political. And ration doesn't mean I don't.
01:02:27
Speaker 2: I don't.
01:02:28
Speaker 1: Passion means more of this, less than everything else. Ration means less of this.
01:02:33
Speaker 2: Ration. Guns scare me a lot. Obviously, they they are there, terrible things happened with them. Man, they need to regulated.
01:02:42
Speaker 1: Kamala Harris has a glock.
01:02:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do you know that, but that's kind of metal. I just think guns need to be obviously regulated and not like sold to people who are going to do terrible things.
01:02:56
Speaker 1: Good answer. Now, I'll give you an easy one.
01:03:00
Speaker 2: An easy lad My god, Jesus.
01:03:03
Speaker 1: You handled that well. I don't think it alienated people. And again I'm getting another one star. Yeah, people like you took on guns. I thought you handled that senseibly. Let's see how to handle this. This is a political hop potato ready, Oh, the cool side of the pillow.
01:03:30
Speaker 2: That's pretty funny. It's not more it's not so much about the cool side for me. It's about like the soft side.
01:03:38
Speaker 1: Bro, what are you not a human being? For every human being alive, it's been about the cool side of the pillows.
01:03:44
Speaker 2: Okay, but it's just about which side is the.
01:03:47
Speaker 1: Coolest cool as in the saying hot and I'm sweating on it. Yeah, not cool like cool yea cool.
01:03:57
Speaker 2: But for me, it's more about like the.
01:04:01
Speaker 1: Texture of the texture.
01:04:03
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, not the texture. I don't think that's the word I'm searching for, but whether.
01:04:08
Speaker 1: It's soft or not soft. Yeah, that would be texture.
01:04:12
Speaker 2: Excuse me, sorry, Like father, like daughter.
01:04:16
Speaker 1: So that's my last one. Passion irration farting, no passion irration, the cool side of the pillow.
01:04:25
Speaker 2: Did you hear the noise throat? Oh? Yeah, I think I think passion obviously?
01:04:32
Speaker 1: One four Man. I keep trying to get this podcast.
01:04:34
Speaker 2: Under you just can't.
01:04:36
Speaker 1: You can't final one. Uh farting passion irration ration.
01:04:43
Speaker 2: What your farts are?
01:04:45
Speaker 1: Out of my farts? I said, farting in general.
01:04:48
Speaker 2: I don't really fart that much. I burp like a really inconceivable amount, but I really don't fart that much, and I and I hate how other people's fart smell. And I don't really fart smell.
01:05:04
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody in recorded history has ever really liked how someone else's farts smell. I don't know, tolerated.
01:05:12
Speaker 2: There are some weird people out there.
01:05:14
Speaker 1: Well, when I was a kid, when the Internet first started, we found Brazilian fart porn. It's just girls farting and sniffing it. And I was like, are you kidding me? This is a thing.
01:05:25
Speaker 2: Oh my god, my mind keeps being busted open tonight.
01:05:30
Speaker 1: And it was like fucking you know now in retrospects, like they really up the ante uli, like the fart because they threw it flat out fart noises.
01:05:38
Speaker 13: Like.
01:05:40
Speaker 1: Even though these chicks weren't like tight cheeked or anything like that, like as if it's a pleasure, but like the way you would sniff like a fucking freshly baked cake. O. Gosh, Somewhere somebody was like that turns me out, just like somewhere somebody could be like I have sex to.
01:06:00
Speaker 2: Why I don't understand. I don't understand you. And good night everyone. I'm gonna go wipe off my makeup. I cried when I wake. Can you take me to the grocery make did you fart?
01:06:15
Speaker 1: No, You've got two dogs in this room, and if I farted, you'd know it.
01:06:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true.
01:06:19
Speaker 1: Did you? I'm sorry? Do you just sneak in? Will you take me to the grocery store and then accused me of farting? No?
01:06:28
Speaker 2: Actually, can you take me to the drag cleaners?
01:06:30
Speaker 1: Why?
01:06:31
Speaker 2: Because I need it? I need it.
01:06:34
Speaker 1: I need it. I need to fix the drag c.
01:06:39
Speaker 2: Fart well, then smell it?
01:06:42
Speaker 1: Well whoever smelled it down to it? Bra was that's the rule?
01:06:46
Speaker 2: I don't far Bro, it was you.
01:06:49
Speaker 1: It wasn't me.
01:06:49
Speaker 2: I tell you, I would.
01:06:53
Speaker 1: Claim to it. Bertie is the one that got up, so she might have farted and it woke her up.
01:06:58
Speaker 2: It was so bad. Bertie wants to go to the dry cleaners.
01:07:00
Speaker 1: Aady wants to go out the bathroom apparently, like, Bro, I'm pinching it hard. It's filtering my fart forward. There it is. Kids, You enjoy your beardless stickless, give a beardless sickless thanks to your little fucking host, Harley Quinn Smith.
01:07:17
Speaker 2: Please don't watch this video. Just listen to the.
01:07:20
Speaker 1: You want to see the video. I can't like that and like and subscribe and leave a review. Harlie's way into the reviews.
01:07:35
Speaker 2: I'm reading them, so if you're writing them, I'm reading them.
01:07:40
Speaker 1: I can't live that way.
01:07:41
Speaker 2: I don't know how to read the Spotify ones though, if there are any, but I check the numbers, so uh, you know, I'll be out there.
01:07:50
Speaker 1: I'll be keeping my eye on you. You be liking.
01:07:54
Speaker 2: In fact, I'm gonna look after this and check in.
01:07:58
Speaker 1: We're done.
01:07:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've already checked it. Better, I'll check again. I'm unhealthy. I was gonna say I have problems.
01:08:07
Speaker 1: I mean, why I can't just like, hey, we finished the show and I enjoy it, and that's good because.
01:08:12
Speaker 2: I have mental health problems.
01:08:14
Speaker 1: If other people enjoy it, I mean, it's tough because you need an audience. So yeah, fore feel fore you to engage. But just do I approach it like I'm having a good time.
01:08:24
Speaker 2: Do I give a ship I'm having I honestly have a really fun time recording, except for when I cry, and except when you talk about things that I hate, like well, things I don't want to talk about with.
01:08:34
Speaker 1: You with me? What do you mean you talk about it with others? And ship? I knew it. You're gonna be in bed you can be like do what would it be weird if people listen to beardless stickles be when they were having sex? What the fuck is your problem?
01:08:58
Speaker 2: Oh my god, the Windy's Girl.
01:09:03
Speaker 1: Zoo Oh yet it sorry? What you know? My father protesting movie in the nineties. He did it was like a rock started like creepy love.
01:09:23
Speaker 2: I'm gonna crying, Yeah.
01:09:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, I Courtney loved my dad. Where you're going, I'm sleeping in the garage.
01:09:43
Speaker 2: Fuck im out. I'm believing I'm crying again.
01:09:48
Speaker 1: For some reason, Courtney loved my old man, my father. That didn't I have an emotional girl? What a roll goes to take away?
01:10:00
Speaker 2: I'm a bit erotic today, it's time to go.
01:10:03
Speaker 1: I have to go. Kids, there's your beardlessilas this week for beardless you have a beardless Nicklas Day.
01:10:24
Speaker 14: This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard?
01:10:37
Speaker 1: Well? Guess what.
01:10:38
Speaker 14: We've got tons more, man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that Kevinsmith club dot com.
01:10:45
Speaker 1: Go sign up now.