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The podcast for high-level leaders carrying the invisible weight of the world.
If you’re a founder, executive, or high-ranking leader, you already know this truth: the higher you rise, the fewer people you can safely talk to.
Lonely at the Top is a sanctuary in the storm—a space where the emotional cost of leadership is named, and where relief, clarity, and grounded support are always on the table.
Hosted by Soul Medic and former psychotherapist Rachel Alexandria, this podcast dives into the unspoken realities of high-level decision-making: the pressure, the isolation, the doubt, and the fatigue. Each episode offers insight, emotional tools, and conversations with seasoned leaders who’ve learned to navigate the weight of responsibility without losing themselves.
I get to show up at the office, as a son of farm workers, as a son of a truck driver, as a queer
person, as a first person in my family to finish high school,
as a first person in my family to own a home. And that's the American dream. And just being
here, I have already succeeded,
📍
📍 Welcome to Lonely At the Top, a podcast for high level leaders carrying the invisible weight
of the world. Because you know the higher you rise, the fewer people you can safely talk to.
Here we welcome founders, executives, and decision makers who feel the isolation and
pressure that comes with power.
Lonely At the Top is your sanctuary in the storm, and I'm your host, Soul medic and former
psychotherapist, Rachel Alexandria. Today on the podcast we have Alfred Fraijo Jr. He's the
founder and CEO of the Somos Group, which specializes in the design and permitting of
complex development projects for government and private sector clients.
Prior to starting his own firm, he was the head of land use practice at an international law firm
in Los Angeles. Alfred was born and raised in Los Angeles and he's passionate about
community service and serves on a number of major philanthropic and nonprofit boards,
including the Los Angeles LGBT Center, the California Community Foundation, the LA
Philharmonic, and he is the founder and former chair of Inclusive Action for the City
Incorporated which advocates for equitable land use and sustainable development policies.
Alfred. Oh my gosh. We had to really hone your bio because you're doing so many cool and
important things. Thank you so much for making time to be here on the podcast.
Thank you. I'm thrilled to be with you. To be with your listeners. To be in community, around
these topics is really an honor for me and, a moment of reflection. So it's a real treat for me.
Thank you.
Yay. So I always like to share about how we know each other. so we met through the amazing,
Ginger Hitzke.
Yes, indeed. Indeed, uh, I owe her, a debt of gratitude for introducing me to you, but also, she
is one of the most special, sources of light and joy in my life I'm so lucky to know her.
I feel the same way. Ginger is a remarkable person. Those who've listened to her episode on
Lonely at the Top will know this, and everybody who already knows is just nodding along. Like,
yeah, if you're in San Diego and you don't know Ginger Hitzke, you're missing out.
I agree. she has been a friend of mine, for many years, going on decades it's such a wonderful
thing because I feel like the moment we met, we understood that we were cut from the same
cloth it was a love affair from the very beginning. And what's been really wonderful is to grow
and evolve as human beings and continue to have that same level of connection, that only
grows and deepens. It's like a mood ring, you know, it just changes different colors and you
see like different parts of it as you move forward, but it's always a cherished thing.
And, that's been my relationship with Ginger. I've also learned a ton from her, which is part of
my story as a leader to just continue to be curious and continue to be open to evolving and to
learning.
Yeah, ginger. Ginger doesn't maintain long friendships with people unless they are the highest
quality. So I know she will say the same about you. I also wanna acknowledge for our
listeners, obviously my voice is a little hoarse today. I'd make a little nay sound. That's my
mom in me, the punster.
I'm just recovering from some of the coughing crud. So. Tell us a little bit about how you got
into what you do.
Born and raised in Los Angeles, and you have some background we wanna get into, you're on
the board for the LGBT, nonprofit. I'm assuming you identify as part of the
I identify as queer. I identify as gay.
Community.
as part of the community for sure.
Yeah.
to share. My, firm is a multidisciplinary firm that is really a platform for work that's at the
intersection of city building and social justice.
Can I interrupt you just to ask because I don't necessarily entirely know, and so my listeners
might not know what does multidisciplinary actually mean?
Wonderful question. The way that we think of it and how we define it at Somos is really that we
integrate different disciplines into the problem solving, that our clients task us with. And so for
us as a firm, we believe the best solutions for our clients that are building, different uses,
whether it's housing or working on commercial projects or even building infrastructure, that you
need, advisors and partners that tackle problems from different perspectives, from different
disciplines. so we've integrated, experts, in their own rights in different disciplines. It includes
the law myself as a lawyer. It includes, urban planners. I also have architects and urban
designers on my team, and I have other specialists
Okay.
And we bring them in as needed. And we believe that working together really ends up, giving
our clients the best solutions or the best results.
So that's a multidisciplinary piece that I'm talking about.
Okay.
And.
you.
Sure. And it is unique in the space in the sense that there are other firms, in real estate that
have different disciplines, but not law firms like mine that started with a core foundational
practice, which is the law and integrated other services. We've seen that multidisciplinary
approach in other sectors, in other industries, particularly around finance, and the accounting
firms. But this has been for us, a great thing to do in the land planning space, and we're
excited about it.
Yeah. You used to work at another law firm and you were the head of the land use, um,
the land use permitting practice
group.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Exactly.
What made you take the leap from that to starting your own firm?
so to answer that question. I wanna explain a bit about how I ended up practicing land use,
Yeah.
and, and real estate law because that is a really meaningful story to me and one that I share
with young professionals in particular. Oftentimes
when I meet with students or I meet with young professionals, they're really looking for
direction on the path. And how do they, pursue promotion and pursue advancement in their
careers? And they're thinking of things somewhat linearly, linear thinking that is sequential
Mm-hmm.
and you do certain things and you end up in the right location or you know, can you just tell me
exactly the number of steps I need to take to get there? And for me my career
Yeah.
Is about hard work, it is about luck and it is about meeting the right people along the way. And
certainly Ginger qualifies, for that third category of good fortune that I've had. As you
mentioned, I grew up in Los Angeles. I grew up in Boyle Heights, which is a historically, diverse
community
in LA. It was at the turn of the century, primarily Jewish, and it , had the largest Jewish
population, second only to Brooklyn in New York. So it has really deep roots
Wow.
in the Jewish community in LA. it was also, a home for many Japanese Americans before,
World War ii and unfortunately
wow.
Was impacted by the Internments and so it was decimated, in that way where Japanese
Americans were forced out of our community, by the federal government. And after that, it
became in big part a Latino Mexican American community. And that's where my family
ultimately ended. it is an area of LA that is under resourced and also impacted by a lot of land
use decisions that were made at City Hall that didn't reflect the interests of our community. and
many of us know about land use decisions that, were, embedded with implicit bias, with
racism, with classism. And our growth from a land use standpoint was definitely impacted by
that. So we have, for instance, 30% of our community is freeway and infrastructure, which has
had
Wow.
significant impact on air quality, for instance.
Yeah.
Um, a lot of the industrial uses in LA historically, were located east of the river, in Boyle Heights
as well. And so I grew up in an environment where those things were part of what we saw. It
was something that we just literally breathed but didn't really think about the ways to change it.
And I ended up meeting, our elected official council member, Richard Alatorre, who was a huge
proponent of, progressive policies that really, try to shift the investment, you know, historic
underinvestment in our communities and I was really inspired by that. Inspired so much that I
wanted to be a politician.
I really wanted to go into politics and, I went to law school with that idea in mind that if I
wanted to be in politics and make laws, I needed to know how they worked and how they were
enforced as a lawyer. And so that started my path in law school. My first summer, while I was in
law school, I ended up working at a nonprofit in San Francisco called the Greenlining Institute.
They had received a grant, to hire their first law student, and the executive director called me
and said, Hey, Alfred, we have this opportunity. And, and what I heard from him was, I have a
job. I have a way to pay you. uh, that was all I needed to hear. And I mentioned that with
intention because a lot of students perhaps would've wondered, well, Alfred, did you ask
what you were gonna do? Or, you know, did you, get a description of what the summer was
gonna be like? And, did you have an understanding of what the requirements? I said, no, I, I
did it because I trusted this person. I had great admiration for his work, I needed a paying job.
Yeah. Right.
was going to, whatever I was gonna do, I was ultimately going to harness that opportunity into
something productive for me. And I certainly did that. I ended up working, on a project that
focused on the redevelopment of brownfields and I had no idea what brownfields were that,
you know,
I don't know what brown fields are. Yeah, what's that?
Basically the definition of a brownfield is under utilized lots that are perceived to be
contaminated or are actually contaminated. The typical brownfield is an abandoned, gas
station, for example, that's been cordoned off. if the gas station happens to be in an area of the
city where, it's affluent and it's wealthy, developers are likely to take on a lot of risk because
they know the upside is significant.
Right.
but if that piece of real estate is located in a less affluent, less resourced neighborhood the
investment opportunity for that site is likely to be diminished.
Right.
we wanted to level the playing field. We wanted to adopt legislation that would standardize the
cleanup obligations for parties that assumed that risk, that took on that land so that we at least
could give some certainty to developers that if you took a chance on these lots that you would
at least have the clarity of how much it would take to clean it up if you found contamination.
We thought it was a novel idea. We thought it made sense, that it was a way of creating
transparency, and providing sunshine on some of these policies. And what we encountered
was a lot of opposition from progressive organizations that, didn't really have the interest of our
community in mind or really didn't reflect our community in intentional ways. So organizations
that were focused on preserving open space. Organizations that were, focused on, areas of
California that, could be, accessible for hiking or for, various forests, et cetera. We think of the
Sierra Club as an organization that's really focused on preservation of green space, but nobody
was really tackling this issue of how does the environmental, movement intersect with
economic justice, the social justice movement?
And at the start of my career, there was an opportunity for, diverse voices to really lean into that
intersectionality and talk about how if we were protecting the waterways and if we were
protecting our forests from deforestation, that we also needed to prioritize the health and
wellness of, black and brown children. That that, objective was as important as other,
objectives in the environmental movement. So I sort of found my calling. There was a real need
to represent that level of diversity and prioritize, poor kids from the inner city in that agenda.
And it really started my career. Over the course of my career, I began to add additional skills to
my practice. When I started as a lawyer, I was working primarily on cleanups, cleanup of brown
fields, and then I integrated, the land use component, which is navigating local land use rules
to get projects entitled or permitted for construction. I integrated the local, labor requirements
as well, so a lot of our projects have comprehensive labor agreements and so on. And
ultimately I was able to create what we call a, a redevelopment law practice.
Wow. It sounds incredibly complex and there's so many factors to figure in.
yes, exactly.
Yeah.
the really, the real great, joy of the work that I do is that it is about, a cohesive, blanket over
these disparate parts. It's been how I do it professionally and how I do it personally as well.
I am curious ' cause I find that a lot of people who are highly passionate about something or
who are trying to bridge a lot of gaps tend to be on their own. I'm wondering if that's been your
experience. As you're saying. Okay. Yes, we're all trying to accomplish progressive goals, but
your goals and my goals sometimes are at odds, or you're not thinking about mine and I'm
trying to bring us together. Has that been a difficult experience emotionally or have you been
on your own a lot?
There are a lot of moments when I do feel lonely in my work. I think it is a kind of a natural
result of being at the top. Of course, we can talk more about that. And then the other is the
loneliness that comes from being the first.
Yeah,
and
I.
a piece that for me, has been more meaningful in my career. I have been, the first to
accomplish a lot of things and as a lawyer in particular, there is a lot of ground to be covered or
to be advanced in terms of diversity of the Bar in California. I was commenting to a friend
yesterday that, we are wholly underrepresented. Latinos are underrepresented in the practice
of law and not withstanding our majority status in many cities across California.
Yeah.
and so being in big law, what we call, corporate law is absolutely lonely. And for me, I'm a
person who loves company. I enjoy having times, of solitude and reflection and meditation.
But I'm a creature that really thrives on proximity to other creatures, to belonging, to being in
community. And, I happen to be also a person that's, I think, talented at bringing people
together. I think that's one of my skills and I mention that because it goes to your question.
For me what's been really great is to find that common ground that connects us. One, it was
out of necessity 'cause I was the only one and I needed support and I needed champions, but I
also needed good company. And so finding that common ground for me has been something
that I really enjoy doing. And just now in my conversation with you, I realize that that skillset
has been an important pillar in how I've been able to create this multidisciplinary platform
because,
Yeah.
talk about collaboration by professionals of different disciplines. But we need to learn how to
understand each other. We need to learn how to listen to each other. We need to learn to be
vulnerable with each other, to take up space and to retreat, and let others also occupy space,
to have the courage to stay in curiosity as opposed to staying in solutions or jumping to
conclusions. then also have the courage to say that you don't know. That, you're afraid, that
you're triggered by certain things, and it doesn't happen in that clinical way, but it definitely
happens in, less obvious ways. And I have good people and I feel like I'm trying to create a
team, an army of, change makers and we gotta lean
Yeah.
into all those aspects.
Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds like you're very good at emotional intelligence. It sounds like
you're very good at whoever's in your sphere knowing how to bridge the gaps mentally and
emotionally. Yeah. That's really cool.
I learned that from my mom, you
Yeah.
um, in good ways and, not so good ways in the sense that growing up in my household, love
was conditional.
Hmm.
so I needed to really, perform, I really needed to find ways to get the attention that, a young
child needs, to grow. And, it took me a lot of therapy, a lot of time, and therapy to, turn that
experience into an asset, into a skill. And I feel like I have mastered that in some respects. Not
perfectly, of course, and not always, but certainly I give a lot of credit to my upbringing, to my
mom for that.
Yeah, you've put in the 10,000 hours to develop mastery, right?
right.
Yeah. Well, good for you for going to therapy. Doing it before it was popular.
Yes, I did it because it was, needed, you know, you grew up in, a household where mental
health is not something, but I think I had the clarity to definitely, understand that it was really
important for me at least, and I certainly encourage your listeners to consider it if they're not
already doing it. and there are different forms of it, certainly, and I know that you're an expert in
that space as well. But for me it's been, life changing.
So I, I'm still curious. I hear how you started your career and what you felt passionate about,
and what you got drawn to . What made you make the jump from your international law firm
over to starting your own thing? I mean, clearly you're comfortable sort of being a trailblazer,
right?
You just have to be because you have multiple ways, both from your identity and from your
interests, that you are the first, and being the first is always lonely.
Yes.
So how did you decide to make the additional lonely jump to start your own thing?
I always had an entrepreneurial bug. And specifically the idea of creating my own business was
something that was important to me. And I would say that, it was about the right time to do it,
but also I thought it was important to, tone in on my skills, it's harder to be an entrepreneur
when you're just starting off professionally. So for me it was really important to develop the
word you used mastery, to develop the mastery of the legal technical skills I have. So that was
important and I spent a long time doing that and I also, spent a lot of time studying how law
firms work. How they are very, reticent to innovate, because of the nature of law. And our
practice is really anchored in precedent. And because of that, it's inherently conservative and
it's about helping our clients manage risk, as well. But I also understood that with the
emergence of technology, particularly AI and other disruptors, the laws as an industry needed
to innovate more quickly than it was. And I got, a front seat view of that being in management
at one of the largest law firms in California through the pandemic. And it was really a
masterclass and business management, and it was a thrill for me because it allowed me to
really exercise these muscles that as a lawyer, and as a counselor for clients, you don't do.
But as a business owner, they're quite essential. And so after a couple of years of doing that, I
understood that if I really wanted to put into practice innovation I thought was essential to
maintain a practice to be competitive, I needed to do my own thing. So that was the first part
of it.
The second part, for me and the inspiration behind creating Somos was I really wanted to test
the idea that if you built a firm that was designed to support the people within it. That it was
designed to really foster and cultivate the talents of the folks that comprise the organization. As
opposed to having a business where you're looking at profit and you're looking at resilience
from an organizational standpoint, not from a human driven standpoint, I believe a lot of larger
institutions they shift from a human-centered approach to the business planning to one that's
more organizational centered and that really results in decisions that don't necessarily align
with human values. They align with profit and they align with self preservation.
Yeah.
And it's not an abstract term, I think for me what it was is like, okay, how do we create a space
that gives people the opportunity to live their greatest potential? Is that a big firm? Is that a
small firm? Is it about values? Is it about clients and the partnerships we have? And is it about
starting relationships with our clients from that standpoint? The duality of how we benefited
versus how they benefited, et cetera. And so I thought those questions were really important
for me to explore and experiment in. And, Somos is a manifestation of that, it is really a
question, can we build a company whose purpose is to change the world and still create profit
for the people that work in it? Can we create an organization that's zealous about values and
still create impact at scale? Can we do that?
How long have you been running the company?
three years.
Do you have an answer yet?
I think we're on our way. I think
Okay.
really well. We have over 40 employees. I have, three offices. I just opened an office in Mexico
City. I had an all staff retreat last fall, and I was so gratified to hear the language that I use in
my crazy way in our various meetings and, convenings in our office, be reflected back to me
Right.
by our staff and that
Yeah.
great. We also launched a nonprofit, an affiliate of our company and we're really excited about
that. The name of the nonprofit is Somos Accelerator For Economic Resilience or SAFER. And I
founded it to focus on two key things. The first is to bring attention to wealth inequality in
America. To really begin to understand our current condition as a nation, our current condition
as civic society, it really stems from the fact that we have an over concentration of resources in
the hands of very few. And what was really compelling to me is that that level of concentration
has only amplified, has only gotten worse over the course of the many progressive
administrations we've had in the White House. And that was really concerning to me. There
was something we were not getting right and there was something we were not truly dealing
with, and so I'm in the process of exploring that and trying to dismantle wealth inequality in
America. The other is really focused on having a platform for ideation and research and
development. I really believe that if you're creating something new, then you probably need to
do new investigations too, to support your thesis. And that's exactly what we're doing. We're
partnering with UCLA, to create new models for community investment. I'm teaching a class at
UCLA this spring on of topics related to the work I'm doing through the nonprofit. And then
we're partnering also with other foundations, that are really investing in creative thinkings
around using land as a tool for repairing communities and making them healthier. So we're
really excited about that.
You have so much going on, I'm just struck by your level of passion and ambition, honestly, I
appreciate that there's a way, when you talk about this, I'm not surprised that people repeat
what you say because you've got that, that inspirational leader vibe going on. is that
something that just comes naturally to you or is that something that sometimes you have to put
it on like your work uniform?
I'm asking the hard questions here.
that's a tough question. That's a tough question. You mentioned uniform. know, I mentioned I
was in management at a very large firm and we had thousands of
Yeah.
employees and we had a real debate about whether or not we would relax our dress code,
particularly after the pandemic. and what that meant is that we would not require men 'cause it
was a gendered conversation. We would not require men to wear suits and ties to business
meetings.
Hmm.
I was vehemently opposed to relaxing our standard And I had to reflect on what that was about
and why I was off trend, so to speak, with younger generations who were really pushing for
some modernization in our standards.
And ultimately what I concluded was. My suit was my armor. It was a way of, showing up in
spaces, so that, people would not confuse me, that they really understood I was there as the
lawyer, not as the clerical person.
Sure.
there as a convener, and not the staff. I've had so many instances where I was confused, um,
Yeah.
in that way.
And, and not that any of those jobs are less important or less valuable, but that people made
an assumption based on my skin color,
Right,
role I should take on. And so I
right.
that, my attire was a way of eliminating that variable,
Yeah.
Reducing the risk, so to speak, so is truly armor. So that's one thing in the way I show up. But I
would say that, and I appreciate , your comments about the way I speak about it. I am certainly
passionate about it, but think it has to do more about how the work I've done to be more
authentic,
Mm-hmm.
talk about these things, I hope it inspires people because they're sincere. Because
Yeah.
from someone that is not, only theorizing these issues but really has lived experience and
knows that as a person who grew up housing insecure, as a person grew up in poverty, that
was food insecure, that talking about wealth inequality matters. That I can
Yeah.
project a degree of experience that I think brings some level of weight to the conversation
that's meaningful. And not so much that I have some moral authority over it, but that I have
hopefully something, different to offer, in terms of solutions. 'cause I feel like we cannot
continue to do the same thing. So that's a piece of it. we started this conversation with me
coming out to you as a proud gay, professional, and, a proud gay parent. Me and my husband
have a beautiful son who is 11 years old.
That's awesome.
having a son also forces you to really be crystal clear about your family values and about your
own constitution and what you want to, impart. 'cause I feel like our primary task as parents is
to create kind, loving humans. That operate in the world in that way. And so it really requires
you to be, a complete person. Truly,
Yeah.
And
Yeah, kids are great BS detectors, right?
Exactly.
they don't stand on formality. They're just really invested in who's present and who's not. Yeah.
I want my son to be proud of having a gay dad and a gay papa. I want him to be proud of
being Latino. And being Latino in America today is a dangerous thing. We live in a dangerous,
climate at the moment. And so being clear
Very much.
about your convictions, and being proud, of your culture for us is important and meaningful to
convey to our son.
And certainly now it's important also share it with others, to show up and give space and to
acknowledge the diversity we have, has been wonderful.
Yeah. Agreed. I think in this time and in this climate especially, we really see why people from
the LGBT community celebrate pride. You know, because you can't fight back hate with more
hate, right? You can only fight hate with joy and love. People have to lean into and embrace
what, what they want more of.
Right. So I get that and it is inspiring. It feels like things you wanna look at too, right? Like we
want to look at people who are expressing joy and love, and if they're doing that about their
culture, then it invites people in. Which is what we need a lot more of.
That is exactly it. I think the way to, love others and the way to experience joy is through
kindness and having that commitment to, unadulterated kindness. It
just opens the doors to possibility, to understanding, to giving people grace and to ultimately
falling in love with people, you know, letting yourself do that. Kindness is a vehicle for that, in
my opinion. and so I do a lot of work with, Homeboy Industries and I encourage folks to
explore what they're about. We have the incredible privilege of working with Father Greg Boyle,
who is a founder and he talks about kinship, he talks about kindness.
Well, there's gonna be so many entities that we'll put in your show notes that people can check
out, like so many different causes and great organizations that you'll be able to recommend.
Let me ask you. What is a leadership decision or season that really tested you?
A season. I love that. I would say that I'm in that season now. The creation of my company, is
absolutely, a season of extraordinary challenges, stimulating and rewarding. But it is very
much a period of being tested as a leader. I have really been, mindful of finding moments like
this one where I get to have a conversation about my experience, and have a witness. I talk
about needing witnesses in our lives to be able to reflect on what joy it has been, what an
incredible privilege that I have to do it. So taking those moments of reflection and saying, Hey,
yes it's hard. Yes, it's risky. Yes, it's stressful. Yes. You are, operating at the brink of a financial
precipice. I'm risking a lot of capital, of course. But it's also an incredible privilege. I get to
show up at the office, as a son of farm workers, as a son of a truck driver, as a queer person,
as a first person in my family to finish high school,
Wow.
as a first person in my family to own a car, to own a home. And that's the American dream. And
just being here, I have already succeeded, know
Yeah.
And that's a piece I really love, anything else I can do is really additional if I can do it, great,
but it doesn't define me. That's the other piece
Yeah.
that's really important. And so I'm learning all of that in full color everyday,
Yeah. It's an amazing accomplishment to make the leap out of the class and the circumstance
that our families were in. For anybody who steps out of the family norm, even if it's in a positive
way, it's a lot of work and it is, something that only emotionally resilient people can do.
Yes, yes.
so at the top, no one sees your balance sheet of burdens, but here on the show we like to ask
our guests to open their private ledger. So I'm wondering if you would be willing to share with
us one cost you paid for being in leadership.
In preparation for our conversation, I was really thinking about, The amount of time I have
invested in my professional advancement and how that has resulted in perhaps less attention
to my personal relationships. And I think that that is probably the thing that comes to mind the
most, is
navigating that cost, how much I've had to commit as far as time, I mentioned I'm a person ,
that relishes company I enjoy being with others, especially my family and friends , and I think
that's a real piece of it. The other, I would say the cost, is that have to push myself to have time
for creative exploration.
For me.
time to read fiction, time to read the books , I enjoy that are not related to my work , and
reading for me, is an important, exercise in, building additional bandwidth in my brain for new
things. And finding new ideas too. I'm reading a book written by Patti Smith her love affair
with Robert Mapplethorpe, the photographer and artist. And I'm finding such joy in it and even
though it couldn't be further away from the work that I do, I find some common, areas where I
get inspiration on how I'm doing my own practice as a lawyer too.
Yeah.
that's been really great.
That's cool and it's a good reminder. You sound like you've really developed as much as
possible, a well-rounded life while being a leader, which means of course you're going to have
the majority of your time and attention focused on what you're building. What is one invisible
asset you didn't realize you had at the time?
This is such a great question. For me is being a chameleon. I mentioned, my upbringing and
my mother always told us that, having class has nothing to do with having money. That you
can be a classy person, and operate in that space and feel that way. And she always said,
you're as good as anybody else. My father who was a truck driver his whole life would show up
at, our parent-teacher conferences, I remember and, hold his own with our teachers and talk
about colleges that I had never even heard of as a person who didn't go to high school.
And I remember taking that as an important lesson of you can be a learned person, not have
formal education. And those pieces, I think, operating in spaces where you may not be familiar
and still holding your own ground is for me, what, is my invisible superpower.
Tha's a great one. Yeah. And a required one, right. Anytime you're breaking new ground, you
have to connect with people that aren't your already existing community. So, yeah, you have to
learn. I'm an only child and so I'm a bit of a chameleon, or I can be too, because I've had to
learn how to integrate into other groups.
'cause I didn't have my own group. I did not have a natural family group. I had a divorced
working mom. So it was just me most of the time and yeah, chameleon powers are important. I
love that.
requires courage
So,
I would say. It requires, internal constitution that allows you, to occupy the spaces, and temper
the insecurities, and find that common ground with folks that you can connect with.
It requires multiple skills to be a chameleon.
The assertion, like you said, that you learned from your parents, which is such a great gift that
you belong anywhere you go.
Yes.
You have to assert it. 'cause no one's gonna tell you that you do.
That's
You just come in saying, it's okay that I'm here, I can belong here.
Yes. Yes.
Tell us one investment you're making now for your wellbeing or your soul.
I continue to, see a therapist. My mental wellbeing is very, very important to me. Yes, exercise
is important. Yes, diet is important, but having a professional to help you, , with your personal
development, your emotional development, is so critical. And I, I would say that that's an
investment that's paid dividends beyond measure.
Well, you know, I love that answer of course.
Of course,
yeah.
wasn't
And is, it was not staged, no. Well, and it's lovely because we don't barely know each other.
Most of the people on the podcast who say that are people who've worked with me, so I love
hearing it from somebody who has no prior relationship with me.
I think this is a well hidden secret that a lot of people don't know. Leaders who are near the
top, most of them have some kind of paid mentorship or therapy.
Yes,
You just have to, it's just so much burden to bear and you can't bear it all alone.
yes, exactly right.
Okay, so
i've got two questions left. First one is, what do you wish more leaders felt permission to say
out loud?
I end many of my calls with my colleagues with the words I love you. And sometimes it's love
you. Sometimes it's, I love you and I do it with my colleagues, because I like to end these
conversations no matter what it's about with that message no matter what we're about love,
it's about love
I love that so much. That's so cool. I love that.
And maybe it's awkward, maybe it's, unorthodox, perhaps all of that, but it's authentic to me.
And that's a piece that I wasn't prepared to share with you necessarily. I had other thoughts I
put in my notes here. I have a lot of love for the people I work with. I consider them my family,
so they need to say that . And it may not be love, it may be, you know what? I really care about
you. You know what? Let's take a moment to pause and think about how beautiful you are as a
person, or how grateful I am to be in your presence and how lucky and fortunate I am to have
you on my side, whatever it is. That emotional piece I think would be something that I would
encourage leaders , to lean into a bit more.
yeah, I love that. That's so cool. I really do. I got to a place with some of my clients where,
especially as the pandemic was hitting and people I'd worked with for a long time they were
just like, I know maybe this is weird, but I just have to say it because you don't ever know how
many days we have left.
I love you. And I was like, yeah, I love you too. So we definitely break those barriers. Me with
some of my clients that I've worked with for a long time because Sure, it's a professional
relationship, but it's also a personal one,
Yes, exactly.
All right. Before we get to the last question, I just would love for you to tell our listeners if they
might be able to get in contact with you, if they feel inspired by what you're doing, if they
wanna hire your group, or if they want to, connect with you in some other way, how they could
do that.
Yes. Thank you, I would love that. I love, expanding our network, even if it is to connect , and
share how we are, building healthier communities and more resilient cities. I welcome, your
listeners to reach out to me via email at alfred@somosgroup.org or to visit our website. it's
Somos Group, S-O-M-O-S and they'll get more information about us and how they can contact
me as well. I really appreciate that. Absolutely.
I love that and we'll put that in the show notes.
In addition to any information about, the nonprofits that you're also part of,
Great.
Okay. So last question. We're gonna open the time machine doors open. If you can go back in
time, what would you say to yourself earlier in your career?
I've been reflecting on this and I think what I would have appreciated hearing is that many of
the people you consider leaders, who you admired when you were younger, even your mentors
and professionals in positions of power like supervisors and bosses, is that they're also trying
to figure it out, they are also human beings that are evolving and changing. That they're not
perfect. What they're sharing with you as inspirational as it might feel, is qualified. It's based on
their own experience, and it may or may not fit what you need entirely. And so just bringing it
down a notch or two terms of how you interact with people in influence and power, I think for
me would've been super helpful because it would give me a little bit more perspective, in ways
of processing the information or the modeling that I was, experiencing at the time.
I love that. That is not an answer I've ever heard so that's amazing and I think it's very wise. No
surprise, you have done so much work. I wish you so well in all your endeavors. I wanna send
all the good angel energy to everything that you're working on because you know, Mr.
Rogers always says, look for the helpers. Right.
Look for the helpers
And you are one of the helpers, Godspeed to all of your projects.
Thank you, Rachel. I'm gonna take that as a blessing
Yeah.
I extend the same to you and I hope your listeners, really, um, benefit from these stories, this
testimonial I hope makes an impact to others. And if only to feel less lonely in the world.
Exactly.
us a moment of connection, in whatever's happening. And there's so many crazy things
happening. So thank you for this opportunity, Rachel.
Thanks for listening to Lonely At the Top. If today's conversation resonated, I hope you'll give
yourself permission to pause even just for a moment and check in with what you might be
carrying silently. You don't have to hold it all alone.
I work with high performers and leaders who wanna clean up their secret messes. You can
learn more at rachelalexandria.com. If you know another leader who needs to hear this show,
send it their way because, yeah, it's lonely at the top, but it doesn't have to stay that way.