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Yapping about movies, tv shows, reality tv, pop culture moments, and anything else that I can't get off my mind.
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Welcome
Hello and welcome to the I Have to Say Podcast.
I was originally going to rank Bridgerton this episode, but in the time between episodes, news and a video released that flipped the reality tv world upside down, to the point that non-reality tv watchers saw the news.
So because of that, we’re switching things up…
And, today, I Have To Say, Reality TV has a problem.
What is that problem, you may ask? Aside from racism, which we’ve already discussed in a previous episode if you want to listen or read the blog post, reality tv’s other problem is that they have a history of enabling abuse and not protecting their cast if it means that they earn a profit.
The showrunners, producers, execs, whoever the decision makers are, have a history of caring more about views and money than they do about people’s safety and their health and I think it’s time that we talk about it.
So, thank you for joining me, thank you for being here, and let’s get into it. And also, this is a trigger warning because I will be referencing abuse and domestic violence and things of that nature.
Taylor Frankie Paul
For the past week or so, people have been talking about Taylor Frankie Paul. Her rise to fame started with a group called MomTok that gained popularity on TikTok because they’re Mormon women who would make videos, from my understanding about lifestyle content and dance trends. They act the opposite of what you would stereotypically assume Mormon women would act because of the religious guidelines, so I think that’s part of why they got popular online.
Taylor was then involved in a soft-swinging scandal that she admitted contributed to her divorce, which was even more salacious because they’re Mormon women, and that all somehow got the ladies a deal on Hulu, starring in The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
And in the past few years, they have become more famous, with other ladies getting opportunities to be on Dancing With The Stars, which led one of them to starring in the musical Chicago, and this year, Taylor became the leading woman on The Bachelorette, which was supposed to come out a few days after everything came out.
TMZ is the one that broke the news that there is currently an ongoing investigation between Taylor and Dakota, her on again, off again boyfriend, or situation, or whatever you want to call it, and the father of one of her three kids, which halted production of the current season of Mormon Wives the ladies were filming.
Some time after that initial article, TMZ then released the video from her first abuse charges, back in 2023, around the time that Secret Lives of Mormon Wives aired for the first time.
The video is horrific. I highly recommend you don’t watch it if you haven’t already, but in the video, we can see that Taylor is drunk and physically fighting Dakota while he records it. We see her throw more than one bar stool at him, while her young daughter is in the room, and there’s conversations online that her daughter was hit by one of the bar stools. I don’t know for sure, um, even based on what I’ve seen, but you can hear the crying in the video.
I’ll link this in the comments,, but Yahoo states in 2023, that she was charged with aggravated assault, two counts of domestic violence in front of a child, child abuse, and criminal mischief.
I believe it ended with a plea down and probation with the option of lessening her sentence, and now in February of this year, 2026, there are new allegations of domestic violence between Dakota and Taylor, with an ongoing investigation currently.
And I’ve seen people online saying that this video isn’t new information, and it’s not honestly, but it is being presented in a new way. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the first season of Mormon Wives, where the original 2023 charges are discussed, but I’ve seen clips of the police cam footage that has aired, and it’s presented in a way where you can see that Taylor is distraught.
Without any other context, in my opinion, it’s framed as if it was self-defense or that it was a one time drunken mistake, a toxic couple arguing and that it was something Taylor was actively doing the work on. I didn’t realize that her child was present because it wasn’t the focus of what was shared in the investigation in the series. She wasn’t originally painted as the aggressor in the situation and I’m not here to say who was or who wasn’t because I don’t know them and I’m not gonna speculate on these real people’s lives.
But I do want to say that not everyone who watches reality tv follows the show or the people, outside of the episodes that air. I can only speak about my experience, but The Mormon Wives are people who I don’t pay much attention to outside of the show and viral content, like that fruit loops situation, was it fruit loop? It was like, a cereal. But um…that made it easy for the incident to get swept under the rug, especially if you’re not watching the show as it airs, because that’s when people are talking about it the most.
Taylor’s situation uncovers a bigger issue within reality tv though, because it’s incredibly hard for me to believe that the people involved in the show, who have the power to make decisions on who is casted, what is edited, and if the show even exists, didn’t know how bad the 2023 incident was when it happened, whether self defense or not.
And if they knew, which is alleged, because I have no proof they knew, but if they did, it means that they willingly continued with the show, knowing how dangerous that situation was, and knowing all of this happened in front of a young child, who was under six at the time, and who may or may not have been hurt in the process.
And I know there’s people out there saying that Taylor was reacting to Dakota’s abuse, and again I don’t want to comment on that at all because we don’t know the truth of their relationship and I don’t want to speculate anything because it’s honestly counterproductive.
But what we know and could see in that video is that Taylor was throwing big ass bar stools at him in front of her daughter after putting him in a headlock and now again, there are more domestic violence allegations against her.
And even if if if it was a situation where it’s self defense, it’s still on production who shouldn’t have allowed both Taylor and Dakota to film together or separately, knowing that their situation escalates to violence.
The show should’ve been cancelled right there from that 2023 incident, or she or both of them should’ve never been on the show in the first place, like from the first episode, but because she allegedly had connections that ensured she didn’t feel the full weight of the court system, she got off easy, which could have impacted how seriously she took the incident in the first place.
Money Over People
This situation really shines a light on reality tv shows and their focus on money over people’s wellbeing.
Let me be real for a second, reality tv can be exploitative. Big moments tend to mean more views, especially now with people discussing it over social media, and more views means more ad revenue. Allegedly, producers will do what they can to get a moment, even if it means manufacturing drama and it’s gotten to the point, where now some cast members self-produce, grossly exaggerating their reactions and coming up with rehearsed lines that they think will land, to get the audience on their side. Allegedly.
The show Unreal completely changed how I engage with reality tv. And I’ll have to take an episode to talk about that show, but it really cemented for me that reality tv can have very real moments, but it’s not all real, and I think to be a responsible reality tv watcher you have to know this, because it can give perspective into the way some people act on tv.
But more on that later, because the point that I’m trying to make is that, allegedly, I don’t think it’s a reach to say that producers reward volatility. They want people to crash out and to be explosive. They want unpredictability and people who like the attention and will do whatever’s necessary to take control of a moment, and an example of that is Taylor Frankie Paul.
Prior to the most recent incident, she was referred to as the anchor of the show by almost every other cast member, but apparently, and allegedly, whatever happened a few months ago was bad enough the cast had to step in and declare they weren’t comfortable filming with her anymore.
And that’s a problem.
To me, It’s a problem that she wasn’t fired after the first incident because I find it very hard to believe production, show runners, execs, whoever didn’t know it was that bad and even harder to believe that The Bachelor franchise and network execs didn’t do an extensive background check into Taylor’s past before deciding that she would be the next bachelorette.
Someone had to know something, and they chose to turn a blind eye, and to choose potential ratings and drama, which is only not a reward to Taylor’s bad and abusive behavior, but it puts everyone involved in a dangerous situation.
The powers that be on these two shows, shouldn’t have allowed her to continue filming and I’m talking from the first season of Mormon Wives.
If Taylor was not a white conservative Mormon woman from Utah, Mormon Wives probably wouldn’t have existed as a concept, but she also would’ve been fired, long before the video leaked.
It should not take a video leaking and public reaction to get people behind the scenes in reality tv to do the right thing.
They were so worried about views and their bottom line that they casted her, and the carelessness of it is going to wreck their bottom line anyway.
Other Examples
Unfortunately, Taylor isn’t the first abusive person or a person who needs real genuine help that has starred on reality tv.
I still have thoughts on people’s reaction to Huda on Love Island, and I’ll get into it later maybe, but one thing that was always clear was that she was making the villa hell and she needs real help. I don’t understand why they kept her in the villa when she was clearly miserable and making others miserable and since then the mother of her boyfriend, maybe her ex-boyfriend’s, child has been granted a temporary restraining order against her and there were texts leaked that further show that she is manipulative and genuinely not okay in my opinion.
Jax Taylor, who starred on Vanderpump Rules from 2013 to 2020 and then joined The Valley in 2024, is not returning for the third season. He originally got kicked off in 2020 along with Stassi Schroeder and Kristin Doute for racist remarks, but now has taken the time to focus on his health and his sobriety.
Though from what I’ve found, alleged abuse isn’t the reason why he was kicked off, and it seems that he willingly resigned, instead of getting fired, there were conversations in the second season about Jax breaking furniture, throwing things, and we’ve seen him be disrespectful, and I would go as far to say, emotionally abusive allegedly, all my opinion, to Brittany on multiple occasions and I’ll link another article detailing this in the comments.
We’ve seen on various seasons the way that he talks about her behind her back, how he body shames her, how he yells at her, and everything like that. Year after year it’s the same story. Jax did something fucked up, would apologize and say he’s trying to do better, and then he would do something fucked up again. Two years ago he said he struggles with substance abuse issues and has a bipolar diagnosis and I wonder if he was actually called out for his behavior in a constructive way while he was on tv, if he actually would’ve gotten this information sooner.
Jersey Shore is another example. Sammie and Ron’s relationship was a moment in reality tv history, but it really wasn’t a healthy relationship and in hindsight it’s a little crazy how much of it was recorded and aired for people’s entertainment. In 2021, Ronnie was arrested on domestic violence charges, and I’ll link an article for more on that in the comments as well.
I also think about Gus on Floribama Shore. His entire demeanor shifted after he got into a fight with his best friend in the house at the time, Jeremiah. I remember it got to the point where he was an outsider in the cast, and as a viewer, I remember being concerned because he just seemed off. It didn’t seem like the show was healthy anymore for him and apparently he posted on Instagram in 2021 on Instagram saying, "They can f*ck with someone else for a change and exploit someone else's mental sh*t while purposely trying to piss them off for entertainment.” And I’ll link the Screenrant article in the comments as well.
Love is Blind also has a number of abuse allegations, including one by Renne Poche, who ended up going to Mexico with Carter Wall and has said that it was an unsafe environment. I believe that was Season 5 of Love is Blind and for the most part she was cut out of the season because I think she asked not to have it aired. And I’ll link an article that I found about that in the comments as well.
But, I include all of these examples to show that it is not just one show or one person, it’s the industry as a whole that has a problem.
What’s frustrating
What’s frustrating is that The Bachelorette situation could have been avoided. If they held Taylor to the same standards that they held any other lead to, she would’ve never been casted as the bachelorette in the first place, if she even got a show in the first place, and they wouldn’t be in the situation they are in now with all of the money that they are losing. I saw something about ten million dollars being lost, and I don’t know if it’s accurate, but I could definitely see the loss being in the millions.
It’s also frustrating that truths get watered down, reframed, or hidden from us, as an audience, to get us to watch without the guilt of knowing the reality of the situation going on.
And Katie Maloney, who was on Vanderpump Rules with Jax, posted on threads talking about how she wanted to post something…hold on let me…let me pull up what she actually said so that I don’t misquote it.
Oh dang, I wish I screenshotted it, because I think it’s deleted. Yeah she 100% deleted it because I know that I reposted it. But it was something along the lines that there’s been a lot of times where production has swept things under the rug to keep up appearances. It had something to do in that realm.
I’m not trying to be on a soapbox or trying to virtue signal or anything like that. I watch reality tv for a lot of reasons, and that includes the drama of it all. It’s entertaining and I like talking about it in the same way that people like talking about sports. Disagreements and fights are included in the drama of it all and it’s unrealistic to expect no one will ever lose their temper in an isolated environment with people they may or may not get along with or who they may or may or not even actually know forreal, and while they’re away from their family and friends and most of the time they’re drinking. Emotions are also heightened.
Some of the standout moments in reality tv do include moments that haven’t aged well since our prefrontal cortexes have developed and I understand production’s desires to create an iconic moment, but I think we can all agree that a line has to be drawn, and when the cast is put in dangerous situations, when cast members are clearly unwell, when they’re acting irrationally, or not completely there, when they have a history of causing harm to others, or when it’s clear that a dangerous situation is unfolding, the fourth wall should be broken and production should step in, even if it goes as far as firing someone. I don’t think just editing out is always a solution, like, they should be stopping things in the moment instead of waiting to see how things will play out.
It’s frustrating when you’re supporting people, by watching the show, and the truth gets buried and then you later find out the truth of the situation and that what was first shown wasn’t the complete truth. Like, that’s a frustrating experience as a viewer so I can’t imagine what it’s like as a cast member who was actually present.
Should reality tv end?
I saw a post on threads asking if it was time to end reality tv. And selfishly, I want to say no, though I understand why they would post that, because like I said earlier, reality tv can be exploitative.
I just think that the people involved in these types of shows, on every level, whether they’re working with the cast, whether they’re showrunners, whether they’re people who approve the show, they need to genuinely care about the cast’s wellbeing.
They need to do psych tests, but not as a way to figure out who or what to exploit and take advantage of, but as a way to truly understand what people’s limits are and what they can or cannot handle.
I think there should be third party agencies involved that hire therapists and people who oversee what’s going on to make sure that the environment is safe and that the people are taken care of appropriately.
I do think that fucking with people’s mental healths and casting people who are abusive are both completely avoidable and that reality tv shows can and should invest more in the type of people that they cast and the type of storylines they want to portray.
They shouldn’t be pressuring their cast past what is necessary and it should never get to a point where their cast is calling a meeting because things are out of hand.
And this brings up the question, are we the problem? For engaging, enjoying, and talking about these things?
I do think that we all need to have our lines about what is too much, and some of those lines do need to be a collective experience so that studios know that that line exists.
At the same time, I think that blaming casting, production, and show runner choices on audiences is disingenuous because we watch what is out there, and we interpret what we’re shown. There could be so many instances where a big part of the situation is taken out and we don’t know unless we dig or years later when someone does a tell all, like with what’s happened with America’s Next Top Model.
I just really believe that we can have fun with reality tv, while also taking care of the cast involved.
Canada Shore on Paramount+ is actually a good example, pending possible footage that has been cut out, ‘cause…you know..you never know. But the cast didn’t always get along and there were some intense moments and screaming matches. People, honestly, did get irrationally angry and there was a bag of chips thrown fast, which is honestly a red flag now that I’m talking about it, but at the same time, while watching the show, I never felt like anyone was in real danger. And Snookie, from Jersey Shore frequently checked in and talked people down, like when they were sad and wanted to leave because they missed home or when the verbal fights were getting ridiculous. Like, she would usually check in the next day.
Watching that show I never felt like a fight was too big that it wouldn’t get resolved, ‘cause they always seemed to resolve it by the next episode. And that could be because of how they edited it, but things could change obviously, but that first season was good reality tv and it didn’t feel like people were being exploited.
So, I don’t think this all means that reality tv shouldn’t exist, but I do think that they need to tighten up their standards: the type of people that the cast, the types of stories they want to tell, and who they give these opportunities to. And what their hard lines are, cause again Taylor should’ve been fired before that video even came out.
And they should’ve done their own internal investigation to figure out who was the aggressor and make sure that they were suspended and took time away from recording for a while. Because if they’re getting in situations where things get that violent, there’s no reason why they should be recording together or on the same show.
And with the information that we have now, it makes the most sense that Taylor is the one who should’ve been fired. Like, it still blows my mind that she was even casted as The Bachelorette.
There's rumors out there that she is planning to sue because they allegedly knew all this stuff about her and I could understand why she would do that if she chooses to go that route, even though I think she should just take the L…and stay out of the spotlight for a while.
Once she has a proven history of changing, of not being in an incident like that anymore, then it would make sense to bring her in.
I think that cancelling this season of The Bachelorette was the right decision, though it was also surprising just because I didn’t think they would do the thing that they were supposed to do. But it makes me wonder if anything happened during filming that wouldn’t be a good look on top of the TMZ footage that released.
I’ve seen a producer of one of the shows that I talked about earlier saying that they’re just showing people’s real lives while including this type of content, and while I can understand that, I think that thought process is also disingenuous because as I keep saying, there has to be a line somewhere. There has to be a balance between sharing information [that] can inspire survivors and give them something to relate to, while also not showing abusive behavior shot by shot and acting as if it’s not abusive. There has to be a line where people are no longer platformed so that they know they have to do internal work.
And this isn’t to say that people can’t change, because I blindly believe and have hope that people can when given the appropriate tools, it’s just that reality tv is not an appropriate environment for that and by keeping certain people on these shows, you’re enabling their behavior.
It doesn’t have to be goodbye forever, but I think that there needs to be stricter guidelines when keeping people around. And when you know that it’s doing damage to someone’s mental health, even if they’re not showing outward signs of violence, that should be enough to put them on suspension or something of the sort.
And even hooking them up with a therapist or someone to work with while they’re not filming so you know that they don’t go off the deep end.
Conclusion
So, I know this was a shorter episode, but I want to end this by saying a few things.
1) Women can be abusers or do abusive things too, and we shouldn’t downplay what was shown just because Taylor as a woman was doing it.
2) Multiple things can be true at once and it doesn’t have to be an either or situation, which applies to a lot of things that are being talked about, but I just want to leave it at that.
3) I need us to hold male abusers to the same level of scrutiny Taylor is getting and this isn’t me saying that Taylor’s scrutiny isn’t deserved, but I’ve seen people riding so hard for this and I just hope the energy was and will be the same for a Jax Taylor type. For your favorite musicians, for football players, all of that.
4) It’s important that we call out the abuse and dangerous behavior while also recognizing that we are not in community with these people. There’s a way to have these conversations while keeping in mind the children who will one day grow up and see these things. We can hold people accountable, but we don’t know them, so we can’t act like we know everything. And the truth is that we don’t know the whole truth. We saw a video. It makes sense to comment on that video and we can leave it at that ‘cause we don’t know these people.
5) Check your projections because a lot of people are projecting their own experiences onto what was shown. And you could be right but you also could be wrong and it’s not productive to add that into the conversation.
6) Honestly, I think trying to take “sides” in this situation…I say taking sides in quotations…like taking “sides” in this Taylor and Dakota situation is very counterproductive.
7) Abuse comes in many forms.
And the reason I keep saying that a lot of the conversations that are going on is counterproductive is because I don’t think the general public has a thorough understanding of what is abuse and what it could look like, including myself, like I’m not an expert in what abuse is…so…I think trying to have this conversation on social media is just going to do more harm in the long run when it comes to talking about abuse in general, because social media isn’t really a place to have nuanced conversations or conversations in good faith, especially when it’s something that’s on this big of a level, and I think that abuse and talking about abuse can get complicated and can be nuanced, partly because of the misinformation around abuse and because of the lack of education about abuse in general.
But yeah. Those are my thoughts about it.
You can visit my blog www.ihavetosay.blog. I’m on instagram @ihavetosay with three ys like ihavetosayyy. I’m on threads at lyssa_posts_ or @ihavetosayyy and I hope you’ll join me on this podcasting journey and subscribe.
Next week, I will be ranking Bridgerton…most likely. Visit my Instagram because I do post updates there if anything changes, but I am planning on ranking Bridgerton next week.
Okay. thank you for joining me. Thank you for being here. Bye bye.