We do not discuss parties or sides or anything explicit about election results.
We share our experience of talking to the children this morning, and our efforts at responding to them and ourselves, while validating trauma histories.
Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.
We do not discuss parties or sides or anything explicit about election results.
We share our experience of talking to the children this morning, and our efforts at responding to them and ourselves, while validating trauma histories.
Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.
What is System Speak: Dissociative Identity Disorder ( Multiple Personality Disorder ), Complex Trauma , and Dissociation?
Diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder at age 36, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about DID, dissociation, trauma, and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the System Speak podcast, a podcast about dissociative identity disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 2:
This morning, I've recorded an extra episode for you about the election results. Because system speak is a five zero one c three organization, I cannot say who to vote for. But now that voting has happened, I can share my own thoughts and feelings carefully within the rules. Which is simply my experience this morning with my children. So if you don't want to listen to that, it's okay.
Speaker 2:
You can skip this episode. The regular episode will be up tomorrow morning as always. But for those of you who need to hear a voice in the dark, I am here, and you are not alone. I have been sick since Saturday with severe vertigo, which sometimes happens because of my ears. I had to miss work on Sunday and Monday, which rarely happens for me because I cannot afford it.
Speaker 2:
But, also, I could not even sit up, and I was throwing up. You don't want the details of that. By Tuesday, yesterday, I felt some better, but definitely had to go back to work and push through because I could not miss. Last night after work, we held an election zoomies in the community with friends from all the sides and even some outside the country. It was good to be together safely.
Speaker 2:
This morning, my body feels better, but my heart is heavy for many. My day had to start with talking with my children about the election results, including making safety plans for the day just in case, and a reminder about wise conversations for future safety. It's a lot of nuance and complexity for kiddos with developmental disabilities and histories of trauma. I see in them what I feel when brains are trained to see danger and tired of coping all at the same time. The hardest moment for me was when they said, but what do we do when there is nothing we can do?
Speaker 2:
I felt it all in that moment. The helplessness, the rage, the grief, the betrayal, the sadness of all the traumas in my own history to my core. All the littles in me. All the things my brain and their brains know that none of us ever should have had to experience in the first place. And I cried.
Speaker 2:
And they cried, and we cried together. And then I told them, for today, what we are going to do is one thing at a time. We're going to get up and go brush our teeth, and then we will do the next thing. We will get dressed, and then we will do the next thing. We will put on our shoes.
Speaker 2:
One of them said, what color is safe to wear? I can't remember who is red and who is blue. I said, you can wear any color you want. One said, I am wearing black. I said, you can wear any color you want.
Speaker 2:
One said, I am wearing green. I am going to survive this thing. I said, you can wear any color you want. And when we are dressed, we will do the next thing. You will go out and wait for the bus.
Speaker 2:
And when the bus comes, you will get on the bus. And when you get on the bus, you will sit in your seat. And when you sit in your seat, you will ride the bus to school. And when the bus gets to school, you will go inside for breakfast. And then to your first class.
Speaker 2:
And then to your next class, and then to your next class. Just keep doing the next thing. And they asked, what if we have big feelings? So we talked about pausing them, but with promise to return to them. We talked about containing them with promise to tend to them.
Speaker 2:
We talked about expressing them gently, slowly, hastily. And they asked, what if our friends don't understand it's not about losing? It's about not feeling safe. What if they don't understand we are afraid? And we cried again together because relational trauma hurts deepest.
Speaker 2:
We had always taught them the pros and cons of both sides, but what they remember is open season being declared on their and who they love. What they remember is being mocked and ridiculed. What they remember is eggs and trash being thrown at our house. What they remember is being spit on at the farmer's market because of the color of their skin. What they remember is contention and dissension and trauma, and what they remember is hurting.
Speaker 2:
They are afraid. They had just barely been old enough to witness rights being given for the first time ever and to participate in celebrating that and old enough to understand when it was all taken away and what that meant and grieving that. They are grieving. They are on the cusp of adulthood, too young to have voted, and yet the beginning of their adulthood defined for them. Even changing where they can live, some of them.
Speaker 2:
What choices they have for school or jobs, some of them. And medical follow-up options as they age out of a system they never asked to be born into. This vote, these results changed their lives. They are afraid, and they are grieving. And what good answers do I have to that?
Speaker 2:
So I said, anyone who doesn't understand you are afraid is not someone caring for you well or safely or accurately. We talked about misattunement and also how others have their own pains they are dealing with and so can't always see ours and how to be extra gentle with each other and ourselves today. We talked about it not being a day for advocacy, but a day for being safe. We talked about how next time they will be old enough to participate. We talked about how each moment, they can do just that thing.
Speaker 2:
And then in the next moment, they can do the next thing. Maybe some of you don't have to do the next thing. Maybe some of you are celebrating. Maybe some of you have the privilege of staying in bed. Maybe some of you, like me, have to go to work.
Speaker 2:
Just keep doing the next thing. One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Just the next thing.
Speaker 2:
My children are my top priority, and so my first thing this morning was sitting with them. But now that they are on their way to school, my next thing was you. So that no one has to be alone today. My next thing after this is that I have to go to work because I don't have a choice. That is my next thing.
Speaker 2:
And then when I am done with work, I will try to get my feet back under me by noticing all the things. The color of the sky, the wind in the trees, and the sound of the brook under the bridge on the way to the park across the street. I will breathe out all the fear and grieving, and let the wind carry it away. Even if I keep the wisdom and let it inform me, I will let the trees themselves fill my lungs with air enough. I will let nature carry me when I cannot and sit and feel the earth until I can think again, until my frontal cortex is back online.
Speaker 2:
And then tomorrow, I will do the next thing.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing, and you can join us on the community at www.systemspeak.com. We'll see you there.