Rivr Conversations

Inspired by Brent Drever’s Rivr Notes newsletter, this episode explores the subtle but powerful shift from “I have to” to “I get to.” It’s a small change in language—but one that can completely reframe how we approach challenges, routines, and responsibilities. Our Rivr Guides unpack how this mindset shift opens the door to gratitude, presence, and even joy in the everyday. It’s a conversation about perspective, personal growth, and finding meaning in the moments we often overlook.
 
View the Rivr Notes for this Episode > https://onrivr.com/rivr-notes/i-have-to-vs-i-get-to/
 
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What is Rivr Conversations?

Rivr Conversations is a podcast inspired by Brent Drever’s Rivr Notes—a newsletter that sparks reflection and offers practical insight. In each short episode, expert Rivr Guides unpack the latest note, exploring themes of leadership, performance, and wellness. If you’re seeking grounded wisdom in under 20 minutes, you’re in the right place.

Andy:

Today's conversation is about one of those small shifts that can make a big difference. How just a few words can completely reframe how we experience challenges, habits, and our everyday routines. It's inspired by Brent's Rivr Notes post: I have to versus I get to. We'll explore how that simple shift in language can unlock gratitude, change your perspective, and turn obligation into opportunity. I'm Andy, your Rivr Conversations host and part of the AI team working alongside Brent, the creator of Rivr Notes, and this podcast.

Andy:

Rivr Conversations is an extension of Brent's popular weekly newsletter, Rivr Notes. Each week, two of our expert Rivr guides sit down to reflect on the latest note, sharing insights, takeaways and stories that explore leadership, performance and wellness in a grounded, thoughtful way. With that in mind, let's step into the river and hear what our guides uncovered in this week's journey.

Lena:

Hello, everyone. Welcome back.

Reed:

Great to be here.

Lena:

So today, we're diving into Brent's Rivr Notes again and focusing on something that seems quite small on the surface. Just a little shift in language, but wow, it has potentially huge implications. We're talking about the difference between saying, have to do something

Reed:

Right.

Lena:

And I get to do it. Exactly.

Reed:

And it ties right into those core Rivr Notes themes, you know, leadership, performance, and overall wellness. How this tiny change impact all of that?

Lena:

It really does. Brent kicks it off with this story, this personal anecdote about training for something big, a 20 mile run.

Reed:

Yeah. I remember reading that one.

Lena:

And his initial thought, the one probably most of us would have was, ugh, I have to do this 20 mile run today.

Reed:

That feeling of obligation, we all know it, even for things we've chosen, like a training plan.

Lena:

It can feel like a weight, can it? Like something you just have to push through mentally grit your teeth?

Reed:

Absolutely. That have to frame. It just it builds this sense of pressure, sometimes even like resentment almost. It sucks the joy right out of it. And you see it at work all the time, don't you?

Reed:

I have to get this presentation done. It just sounds heavy.

Lena:

Totally heavy. But then this is the cool part from Rivr Notes. He describes this moment just standing in his kitchen before heading out. And he consciously flips the switch.

Lena:

He thinks, wait. I don't have to run 20 miles. I get to run 20 miles.

Reed:

And that's the pivot, that intentional reframe. From obligation, suddenly, it's an opportunity. It's almost like reclining your agency over it.

Lena:

And the impact was immediate. Based on his description, the whole experience changed.

Reed:

That's what's so fascinating. Right? The run itself didn't change. 20 miles is still 20 miles.

Lena:

Exactly. Distance was the same. The training plan was the same. Nothing external shifted.

Reed:

But internally, everything shifted. He started, you know, noticing things.

Lena:

Yeah. He mentions the scenery suddenly seemed fresh. He saw the creek, noticed the trout swimming. Even the weather felt enjoyable. Enjoyable.

Reed:

Instead of just slogging, head down, counting miles.

Lena:

Right. The whole run became this positive thing, not a burden to endure, all because he changed have to to get to.

Reed:

It really highlights the power of perspective. Yeah. Get to inherently carries this sense of gratitude, possibility.

Lena:

And he unpacks that a bit. What's behind the get to? It's not just words.

Reed:

No. It's acknowledging the underlying realities.

Lena:

Like the fact that he was healthy enough to even attempt a 20 mile run Yeah. That his body was strong, uninjured.

Reed:

Which isn't a given for everyone. Right?

Lena:

Not at all. And also having the time in his life, the space, the support network that allows for pursuing these kinds of goals.

Reed:

And acknowledging the work already put in, the preparation. It's a recognition of capability and circumstance.

Lena:

So when you think I get to, you're kind of implicitly acknowledging all those enabling factors.

Reed:

And think about how that translates to say leadership Instead of, ugh, I have to deal with this difficult team situation. Right. Maybe it's, okay. I get to guide this team through a challenge. I get the chance to help them grow.

Reed:

It's a different energy.

Lena:

Completely different energy. It fosters resilience, doesn't it? Both in the leader and potentially in the team.

Reed:

And it's not just for big challenging things. Brent uses another example, something every day, biking his kids to school.

Lena:

Oh, yeah. I like that one because that could so easily feel like just another chore on the list. Another have to.

Reed:

Totally. Just logistics getting from a to b.

Lena:

But he framed it as, I get to have this specific time just connecting with my kids. Suddenly, it's valuable connection time, not just transit.

Reed:

And that's powerful. Finding the get to in the mundane, the routine, that's huge for overall wellness, isn't it?

Lena:

It really is. It injects meaning. Like you said about work emails, I have to answer these versus I get to connect with people, solve problems.

Reed:

One feels reactive and draining. The other feels, well, more purposeful.

Lena:

So this is really tapping into something deeper, isn't it? It feels connected to, like a growth mindset.

Reed:

I think absolutely. I get to implies choice, agency. You're opting in. You're engaging. It's not something being done to you.

Lena:

Whereas I have to can feel very passive, like you're stuck.

Reed:

Exactly. Even if the task is objectively hard, thinking I get to tackle this challenge feels more like forward motion, an opportunity to learn something rather than just an obstacle you're forced to climb over.

Lena:

It makes you wonder, you know, how many things that feel genuinely tough could actually be reframed.

Reed:

That's the key question Brent raises, I think.

Lena:

Yeah.

Reed:

Because let's be real. Life has responsibilities. There are things that feel like half to's.

Lena:

Definitely. Not everything can be magically turned into a privilege with a word change.

Reed:

No. But he encourages us to really examine those have to's. How many of them, if we look at the bigger picture, could be seen as get to's.

Lena:

What's the bigger picture mean there? Like connecting it to values.

Reed:

Yeah. Exactly. Connecting it to maybe your health or the opportunity itself or the chance to connect with others or a sense of purpose, finding that underlying privilege or benefit.

Lena:

Ah, okay. So even if the task itself isn't fun, you get to do it because it serves a larger value, like providing for your family or contributing to a project you believe in.

Reed:

Precisely. It shifts the focus from the immediate task to the underlying reason or opportunity, which often brings us into gratitude.

Lena:

So maybe a good exercise for everyone listening. Think about your week ahead or even just today. Look at your list, your schedule, and ask that question Brent poses. How much of this do I really have to do?

Reed:

And how much of it, he asked, do I actually get to do?

Lena:

Just running that filter over things.

Reed:

It might surprise you that small conscious shift in language and perspective. It really can have a ripple effect.

Lena:

Definitely impacting how you feel, your wellness, but also as we've discussed how you perform, how you show up as a leader, all those core Rivr Notes themes.

Reed:

It ties it all together, that choice between obligation and opportunity.

Lena:

It really might, as Brent puts it, just shift your whole experience.

Reed:

A powerful thought to leave with.

Lena:

Absolutely. Well, thanks for digging into this one with us.

Reed:

My pleasure.

Lena:

And thank you for listening. Until next time.

Andy:

That's it for this week's episode of Rivr Conversations. Speaking on behalf of Brent and myself, big thanks to our expert Rivr Guides for another thoughtful discussion. We always appreciate the unique perspectives they bring to these conversations. To close out each Rivr Conversation, I like to describe the photo featured in the Rivr Notes newsletter. It's not just a stock image, it comes from a real adventure.

Andy:

After all, the best ideas often come from staying curious, embracing new perspectives and engaging with the world around us. This week's photo was taken during a quiet moment in the High Country, just as winter begins to loosen its grip. The landscape is a tapestry of transition, rust colored willows and golden grasses in the foreground still holding on to the last traces of snow. In the distance pine covered ridges stretch toward a horizon of layered mountain slopes, some still dusted in white. Overhead, the sky glows with that brilliant early spring blue, scattered with a few slow moving clouds.

Andy:

It's the kind of view that makes you pause. You can almost hear the hush of the wind through the trees, maybe the distant trickle of melting water nearby. It's peaceful, but alive. A reminder that, even in stillness, change is always happening. If you'd like to read the full Rivr Notes article, including all the amazing photographs, you can find it at OnRivr.com and be sure to subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts so you never miss a conversation.

Andy:

Before we go, a quick reminder: The opinions and viewpoints expressed in this podcast are solely those of the presenters and our AI companions, sharing personal reflections and perspectives. We're not legal experts, medical professionals, or therapists. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only, so please consult the appropriate professionals when you need advice or support. Thanks again for listening. Rivr Conversations is an OnRivr, LLC production.