Letting go of worrying about what others might think (S8E4)

Show Notes

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This episode begins with the reflection that... When I attach to the fear of what others might think of me I stop BEING. And start acting as I think I ‘should’

This attachment to what I think others might think is an old, deep story for me and it can feel like it’s hard wired into our nature - as pack animals we need to have a degree of awareness of others in order that we can work together, live together, be together. It's part of what creates our moral code - and it's a vital part of creating a high-functioning social group.

So

How can we walk the line between the vital societal need of awareness of others... and constraining or inhibiting our true selves because of outdated beliefs or fears?

How is it when we really let go?

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What is the Henny Flynn podcast?

A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.

Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.

If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.

My reflection is that depending on our environment, and our history, our personal history, it can feel intensely vulnerable to release that attachment to what others think. Because it can be something that we learned perhaps a long time ago, as a way of keeping ourselves safe.

And as I mentioned before, it's also, you know, there is a societal cultural story there as well. Welcome to Season Eight of the podcast, that's all about deepening our self awareness with profound self compassion.

I'm Henny, I write coach and speak about life changes. And together with my guests, we'll be exploring ideas that challenge our thinking underpinned by bedrock of self love, settle in, and listen and see where the episode takes you.

We're just going to have a relatively short episode this week. And it's actually something I've already shared in a post on Instagram, but it's, it's tenacious, this one keeps holding my attention. So I thought I would explore it a little bit more here. And it begins with the realisation that when I attach to the fear of what others might think of me, I stop being. And I start acting, as I think I should. So this attachment to what I think others might think it's an old and deep story for me. And said before, this is a bit like, being in therapy with a very large audience. So you know, I could, I could explore why that is a deep story, definitely something to do with being the youngest of a big family and blah, blah, blah, there's a lot there. But you know, as a, at its heart, it's an old story.

And it's something that I am aware of, and I do a lot of work on it. And my observation is that it can feel like it might even be hardwired into our nature, you know, to to this sort of super awareness of what others think of us or what we think others think of us. You know, as pack animals, we need to have a degree of awareness of others in order that we can work together, we can live together, we can be together. But as with so many of these things that began as something to support us to keep us safe. I'm just gonna shut the window, hang on a sec.

It's very quiet space is being a bit noisy out there. I think there might be a tractor so as with so many things, stuff, behaviours, thoughts, feelings, that began as something to support us to keep us safe can get super activated, and they start to become our dominant behaviour. Or they start to drive our thoughts, at times, at least. And it's them that they can stop serving us. So this reflection today is really about how is it when we really let go, when we release into ourselves to such a degree that we allow ourselves to be fully present with the whole of us. Those moments of really like childlike joy. moment I've got a sort of ongoing thing. Well, thanks.

Which is part of me wishes I had a tail, because then I could work it when I'm happy. So it's those moments, you know, when we really wish that we had a tail and we could wag it to fully demonstrate our joy. Present nurse, that childlike joy. And it's what in transactional analysis we call the free child I've talked on previous episodes about some of the other persona that are identified in transactional analysis and free child, you know, oh gosh, the joy of being in that place this unfettered place. And when we're there, it's when we can let go of that attachment to our fear of what others might think.

And through that, we sink more deeply into our true self. And, you know, of course, there is a caveat to this, you know, nothing is ever black and white, it's always Shades of Grey. And this beingness, is predicated on self love. So, it comes most easily when we're living from an open heart and an open mind, not in that place of being mindlessly non discerning.

Rather, we are responding to what is around us with deep awareness and profound compassion. And we're also responding this is obviously absolutely critical to what's going on inside us with deep awareness and profound compassion. And my reflection is that depending on our environment, and our history, our personal history, it can feel intensely vulnerable, to release that attachment to what others think. Because it can be something that we learned perhaps a long time ago, as a way of keeping ourselves safe.

And as I mentioned before, it's also, you know, there's a societal cultural story there as well. And it's, and that story is important. But we become so attuned to reacting to what we see and feel around us, that our own wants and needs can either become sidelined or totally suppressed. So we can find ourselves when it becomes so activated, acting in the way we think others want us to act.

Rather than being how we feel we truly are. And learning how to release that attachment. You know, gosh, that can sound like such a tool, ask. But it is so wonderful, when we land in that place of open hearted vulnerability and presence, even if it's just for a moment. You know, I've shared some images on social media of some of my summer activities, including wearing feathers in my hair, my share, but I did a lot of dancing over August, and did a lot of like running around just because it's not felt really happy. You know, all of those moments, were times where my free child forgot to worry about what others might think. And, you know, that attachment to what others think it can show up in so many different ways. You know, will they like me? Will they like what I say, will they like how I look. And the list goes on. And on. So, letting go have that attachment. It begins with noticing what we're attached to, without judgement.

And they're noticing when we're in the lightness of that free child mode. And seeing the distinction between these two, between the times of attachment to the fear of what others think, and the times of free child can be a really beautiful thing you know, and again, without judgement, just noticing what is showing up can be what helps us free our inner child even more. So I just want to leave you with a question. When you picture yourself as the free child, what image comes to mind, and how can you love her or him even more deeply so a little canter through a thought there and I hope something in there as resonated for you. This is a beautiful moment really to reflect back on what I was just saying that it's really important when I do the podcasts that I'm not I attached to what other people think because that would obviously restrict me and start changing the way that I approach it. So, every week when I'm recording these episodes, I'm doing work on this part of me that is really keen on being attached to what other people think.

And so I say without judgement in a very open hearted and open minded and vulnerable way. I really hope that something in here is resonated for you. And if not, that's okay. Do hope to see you again next week. I sent you a hug and a wave