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The Space for Sistas™ Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Dominique Pritchett, a mental wellness strategist, speaker and therapist along with guests. We explore all topics related to sisterhood, skills and solutions centering on mental wellness without sacrificing our identities as Black women. This week we're joined by Dr. Shadé Y. Adu is an award-winning digital brand strategist, bestselling author, and an international speaker with a passion for people and a love for helping oth...
The Space for Sistas® Podcast is a weekly-ish chat with Dr. Dominique Pritchett and guests about all things health and wellness leaving you with actionable solutions to step into our most authentic selves.
Welcome to the space versus this
podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Dominique Pritchett.
And Today I am joined by Dr.
Shoddy.
I do hello, Dr.
Shaddy.
Hello, how are you doing?
Thank you so much for having me.
I am.
Well, thank you for being here.
Let me introduce Dr.
Shoddy.
Dr.
Uh, do.
It's an award winning digital
brand strategist, bestselling
author, and an international
speaker.
What they passion for people and
a love for helping other succeed
in life.
Driven by the desire to support
women entrepreneurs and
facilitate the creation of
generational wealth.
Dr.
Shaw.
Is truly committed to offering a
comprehensive range of services,
which are oriented towards
achieving the three eyes, income
impact and influence.
Whether working with the company
or brand, she will stop at
nothing short of ensuring
desired outcomes.
Welcome again.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm excited.
Absolutely.
Today we will be chatting about
tapping into your brilliance and
your brand.
I'm excited for this one,
because you talk in love
language to me.
How did you get into brand
strategy?
What's your backstory.
So almost nine years ago, I
started my business in a
Republic of Kazakhstan.
I was traveling the world,
living my best life.
In my mid to early twenties and
I realized that I needed
something else.
And then I know people,
especially if you're ambitious,
they tell you, you know, black
women, we are.
The most college educated were
starting businesses at the
fastest rate in the country.
We're doing all the things and
we're checking off all the lists
on the box of life and what
we're supposed to do.
When I came of age, I graduated
from the Morgan state university
in Baltimore, Maryland.
I went to grad school at
university of Pennsylvania.
And my whole goal in life is to
be an educator.
I just wanted to be a teacher in
Irvington, New Jersey originally
from, and I just thought I was
going to be a social studies
teacher.
That was my goal.
Go to school, come back to the
community.
And be a teacher at my local
school.
But when I came of age, I went
to, I lived in Philadelphia at
the time.
There was a hiring freeze for
teachers.
I had an Ivy league education
and I couldn't get a job.
So being the resourceful,
ambitious black woman can figure
out some other ways.
You always got another trick up
your sleeve.
So there was an opportunity for
me to move.
5,000 miles away from everyone I
knew and loved.
And moved to Kazakhstan.
And originally I was like, wow.
People don't do that.
I'm not going there.
Stand what?
Ooh.
Why and what is going to happen
to my hair?
Those were all my concerns.
And I was like, it's not
happening.
And I had to identify why was I
so afraid to do something that
no one around me had really
done.
But when I unpacked my family's
history, my family travels, my
uncle used to be a teacher at a
school in Korea.
My brother was lived in the
middle east for 10 years.
So there was already to be a
blueprint in my DNA of living in
other spaces and places.
And I knew that if I didn't do
what, especially as a black
woman, a young black woman, that
other people wouldn't do it.
And I became a pioneer.
I was the youngest, the black is
in the first, one of the first.
Group of international
educators.
That were brought from America
to the Republic of Kazakhstan to
help them develop their, their
schools.
And I made a commitment not to
be the last.
I remember going into remote
villages and be the first person
of color black phase that people
had ever seen to the point that
people aren't touching my skin
thinking it's going to fall off
like.
The black is going to just like
peel off.
That's definitely not the case.
So I knew that I was making a
difference.
But at some point, the
uncomfortable becomes
comfortable.
And it was time to take the new
leap of faith.
And I was just getting a new
vision and I had to do more and
that the classroom that I was
combined and was supposed to be
bigger.
I'm supposed to be an educator
for people from around the
world.
I'm supposed to be on stages and
places, supporting people and
letting them know that their
dreams and visions about what
they desire is possible.
I was supposed to be a stump.
A symbol of possibilities,
especially for people who look
like me.
Let me try it and want to do it.
I'm in a way.
This, I call this a faith walk.
I didn't want to be in business.
I was happy being an educator.
I was happy making oil money.
I still would have been a
millionaire if I lived overseas.
So I would have been happy.
Uh, but it's more than happiness
is about fulfillment.
There's more.
And I, and I had to take that
leap of faith.
So a month before I resigned
from my international job, I
started my business online and
the whole goal was to just
inspire and help and motivate
people.
And so not realize that that was
not going to pay the bills.
Yeah, all your money that they
paid me was not coming to my
bank account anymore.
So I had to invest in coaching
courses, mentorship so that I
could learn how to become a CEO
and an entrepreneur.
I knew how to be a teacher.
I knew how to be an educator.
I know how to inspire people,
but I didn't know how to package
that and turn it into money.
So that began the journey.
Nine is years ago.
Learning how to turn this stuff
that I love and who I naturally
am into a business and an
enterprise, and actually can pay
for my livelihood.
Yes.
So we are still on that journey,
but, um, it's definitely been
fun, interesting, stressful, and
fulfilling all at the same time.
You hit on so many areas that I,
I can imagine those of you
that's listening, it's
resonating with you.
And when you hear things like
business and entrepreneurship,
Um, we all got it in us because
we're all looking for that plan
or that lifestyle and plan to
get us to the point where we
can, as you said, um, Not just
be happy, but enjoy it.
And so as you talk about tapping
into your brilliance and your
brand, we're all a personal
brand because we all believe we
stand for something.
We all want to have a connection
and build relationships with
people, whether it's in our
home, our job or whatever.
And so I don't want you all to
think, oh, this conversation
isn't for me, because I'm not an
entrepreneur.
We are all a personal brand who
want to show up in our best
light with joy, not just getting
by.
Absolutely.
I love it.
So thank you for sharing your
story.
As a therapist and speaker
myself.
I'm a huge believer in sitting
in discomfort so we can kind of
figure out what's getting in the
way of our desires and our
goals.
What do you recall needing to
do.
To get comfortable with the
discomfort.
What was that process like for
you?
Usually I have to get quiet
first.
Because there's when they're at
the level of discomfort, there's
usually resistance.
Like, oh, I don't like this.
I don't want to be a part of
this.
How can I get rid of this
uneasiness?
And I have to take a step back.
And be quiet.
So there's been parts of my life
where they're quiet before the
storm comes.
So it's in the quiet there's
preparation.
You're learning the skill set
that you need to overcome those.
This conference and challenges
and Hills that we're going to,
um, climb.
So even a cosmic stand, once it
became normal, there was a level
of quiet and calm.
Before this next iteration of my
life, which was entrepreneurship
and working on my PhD because
two months after I started my
business, I went to a doctorial
program and it was constant.
And I just had to, sometimes you
gotta be quiet first and still.
Because you want to make sure
you're making the right
decisions.
And then when I'm quiet and
still I'm looking, I'm seeking
out counsel wise, counsel.
I don't believe we should be
making decisions, all decision
by ourselves.
We need to get data, you know,
we're scientists.
What is the, what does the data
say?
Because I'm not the first person
in history to go through this
challenge or problem.
So how did other people resolve
this issue or hurdle?
How do they make the decision?
So then when I have my data and
my information.
Um, I'm seeking out experts.
Then I come to the decision of
what makes the most sense for
me.
Operating in that inner knowing.
Because I am a true believer,
even when I, and I was in a
class where I was thinking about
this, even before I checked
today.
I really have been someone who's
like, listen, what do you want?
You have the power to make
decisions?
A lot of times we feel like we
don't have the power if you're
in corporate America and, or
even in the classroom as a
student.
And I was always the advocate
for students deciding.
Well, what does this look like?
And even though I have an idea
of what things may look like,
you might have a different
perspective, and I want to see
what your perspective is, and I
want to encourage you and
challenge you.
To create something different.
Yeah.
So I've always been an advocate.
So I always go back into my
inner knowing what is my self
saying?
Hmm.
Where, where do I fit in?
What's the alignment.
And what's the, and also
understanding and taking
calculated risks.
Like this is a risk.
This is the challenge.
But what are some of the
possible outcomes and results
what's wanting to be the lesson.
And then I always think what's
the worst thing that could
possibly happen.
Identify what that worst thing
is.
And if it isn't that bad, And it
cannot overcome at worst thing
if it happens that way, because
I'm very get a little, I'm like,
okay, what's option ABC and D
um, you know, I'm always
thinking, and sometimes I have
to calm myself down and just be
in the knowing and understand
that the decisions that I desire
to make my, my pathway is my
path has ordered.
My steps are in alignment with
why desire to be.
And all I have to do is step
into it.
And I'm optimistic.
It's going to work out,
everything's figure outable, and
it's going to work out at the
end.
And one day we're going to laugh
at this whole situation.
So.
But you got it.
You got to go through it, to.
It wasn't even that bad or I
did.
Nothing about that part because
that's been coming up.
There's been at times my life.
I don't like going through.
We liked the beginning.
Cause it's the house all fun and
exciting.
And we love the end cause we got
the results.
Yeah.
But that middle part.
Sucks.
Let me.
100% clear.
I've got an attitude.
Like, I'm going to be positive.
I'd be like this sucks.
What a smile.
What a smile.
I'm being a positive.
But it sucks.
And I need to be honest because
some of y'all don't want to be
honest.
Um, but I'm going to be, cause
this is a space for sisters,
right?
So the, the, the middle.
I used to not even thinking
about the PhD.
The middle.
Writing that dissertation
Shannon and the self-doubt and
all.
But you need to get through it.
You got it.
It's a part of your growth
process.
So when I have clients that are
in the midst, they're in the
middle and I think I had, like,
one of my books, chapters is
like, one of them is like being
in the middle.
And talking about how
uncomfortable and frustrating
being in the middle and on the
cusp of your greatness is.
When everybody else, especially
if you're brilliant, you're
ambitious, you've done.
You've accomplished so much.
When the outward side world is
saying, you're amazing.
You're phenomenal.
And then your lag man.
I'm just tapping into an ounce
of my brilliance.
If you could only see what the
full vision is.
And your frustration has
contributed to you understanding
you're only, you're only tapping
into one ounce of your
potential.
But beacon in the middle,
there's a lesson.
And we can't forget that lesson.
aNd if you're in the middle of
my sister's in the middle, keep
going.
So you got that wise counsel.
Practice self care sometimes.
The problem.
I'm not going to be resolved
today.
Just take a nap.
Well, and the amazing thing
about that metal is that is the
perfect place to find that
harmony.
Um, I don't like focusing on the
word balance anymore, but it's
that harmony because you can go
back or you can keep going to
see if you can get a little bit
more further to where you want
to go.
It absolutely it, I say another
thing is, well, you're in the
middle.
What can you do every day to
have incremental change?
Say that one more time.
I have 1% better.
So I was, I used this analogy
yesterday.
Like if you're like, I just want
to be healthier.
Can you drink a little bit more
water today than you did
yesterday?
Incremental change instead of
you did a five minute walk to a
10 minute walk today.
Like incremental change.
We'll make monumental difference
as you go down the line.
Well, sometimes it's just about
one thing.
Can you do better today?
Just one right in that one,
doesn't have to be astronomical
to a, can be as unique and
simplified as I'm going to drink
a cup of water, because I know
once I get that in my body, I'm
gonna be hydrated.
My brain is functioning.
My skin is.
But we have been conditioned to
look for the big wins.
Therefore that middle is so
uncomfortable because we're not
seeing big wins.
As a speaker and therapists and
a person who holds space every
day, if we're not counting all
wins.
We are going to miss the
opportunity for the beaker when
we're not going to experience
it.
It's like, oh, okay.
I got it.
You know, like, so when I
finished my doctorate, I was
like 250.
Three page dissertation later,
and I'm sitting here decide, oh,
dang, I'm done.
What do I do now?
I did celebrate the milestones
because I was looking so far
ahead that I wasn't present.
I wasn't quiet still.
And there's a kernel of truth in
that is.
There's a time and a place to be
still, you know, there's a time
you got to keep going.
You.
Like what, uh, going through a
doctorate program, you've got to
keep going.
Don't pause too long.
Cause all, all they go.
SAR flooding.
But if you do pause, as you just
said, be so intentional about
your self-care and function in
alignment.
Even as you are in the middle
alignment is still possible
without having all the answers
or being at the finish line.
I love it.
Wow.
So Dr.
Shoddy has encouraged you to be
quiet, be quiet.
One of my I'm an acronym person
and the literation person.
One of my favorite acronyms, I
love for myself.
Um, and I share with my clients
is wait, w a I T why am I
talking?
We can talk ourselves out of a
win.
And we can talk ourselves out of
that incremental progress
because we don't think we can.
Stop talking girl.
But love.
I'm just sitting in that.
Wait, why are we talking?
Ourselves out of being the best
version of ourselves.
Talking to ourselves and to be
in the mediocre cell.
Ooh.
One of my coaches called the
little me.
Um, I had that conversation.
This is, these are reoccurring
themes.
This is the thing where you pick
certain levels.
The themes come up and things
that you have not conquered.
And tapped into will come up
when you play a bigger game.
And I'm always like, well,
there's always this decision,
even for me, like I can just be
little, me, a little meat looks
good.
It's for a lot of people.
But in my, I know.
And my heart and in my true
being, that's not who I'm
supposed to be.
It's supposed to operate in
future me.
And the big, big energy meet,
whatever we want to call.
That Sasha fierce version of
ourselves.
I'm always going back and forth.
It's just so easy to just play
small.
Especially when you, when you're
your average game is bigger than
everybody else's around.
You.
You know, and that's why this
space is like, this is so
important because we need to
have candid conversations.
Everybody's not basic.
There are people who aren't
castle high achievers and they
need spaces.
And they need therapy.
To extract.
These things that we constantly
grapple with it.
When other people might just
dismiss it, like, oh, why can't
you be happy with what you
already have?
Um, and in actuality there's so
much more yeah.
And sometimes you just keep
permission that to have more and
more is available to you.
Absolutely.
And to piggyback off that is
finding your community.
If you know, you're an
overachiever, why diminish that?
Because of people don't get.
Yeah, gift it.
Ain't for them to get.
They can receive and be touched
by, but they don't have to fully
understand your gift.
And that's where you start to
hear a lot of those comments.
Just be happy.
What you got, I mean, don't you
got enough?
What does that even mean?
I'm not worried about how people
are going to perceive me the,
when I'm operating in my gift
and doing things that bring me
joy and giving the world peace.
As a black woman, we're often
told, well, just do enough.
And we'll notice you.
That that enough is getting in
the way of me reaching my
maximum potential for optimal
living.
You're enough.
A Maya enough.
Mm.
So whoever is in your head,
whether it is the hope white
man, but let's be transparent
and honest.
Let's put it all on a table.
It is a term out there.
Is it your pastor?
Whoever it is.
Evaluate, what value are them
renting space or actually
operating for free in your head?
Giving you towards your.
Long-term goals.
And your optimal living.
That would be too much space and
energy that I just don't allow
to have.
And my area.
If me.
It's a smaller tinier.
More critical version of me.
That is.
Keeping me where I am.
Instead of where I desire to
DDT.
So for me, like the
self-awareness that I have, I.
Got inner critic is a version of
me.
Mm.
It's like, why?
The person that's really holding
me back.
My research is on looking at
black women and their.
Variances.
In spaces and how, you know,
race, all the isms get to us.
The inner critic does not have
to be one.
It could be multiple.
It's so funny that it, I always
saw it as me, but I love this.
This dialogue.
Like I'm self-reflect, I'm like.
I'm thinking about stem.
I appreciate not giving people
that much energy, but the kernel
of truth is there was multiple
people.
Through our experiences that are
renting space that in that space
is unresolved stuff.
Whether it is coming from
society, our
intersectionalities.
And so I look at there's
multiple people in there in a
nondiagnostic way.
Occupying that space and we
don't even realize it.
And our little us, our own inner
critic is hanging onto those
pieces because we haven't
resolved them.
It's not all giving people the
credit it's about the kernel of
truth is that we haven't healed
from experiences.
We've been exposed to.
It's not a big, some people.
Okay.
Want me to start a victim
people.
Oh, yeah, they need to.
You're right about that piece.
And that was a part of my
journey because for me, I don't
always do, I'm going to be a
teacher, got degrees in that.
That was cool.
Oh, And into entrepreneurship in
my head, you have to have an
MBA.
To be an expert.
You got to go get a degree to
say that you're at.
So I was extremely insecure.
For a large part of my business,
because I didn't want to accept
this entrepreneurial piece.
And that being an educator and
having an education background
was so was beneficial.
Until I had a conversation a
couple of months ago with
someone whose backgrounds and
education and a phenomenal
educator and an entrepreneur.
And I was like, it finally hit
me that the things that we
learned, how we navigate a
classroom, It's so valuable.
The skills are so transferable
to what we're doing today in
entrepreneurship.
And it took me so long to own
that piece and to own.
Experiences in my background, I
had prepared me for, I was when
I was a teenager, I used to work
on.
Uh, presidential gubernatorial
eminence, full campaigns.
That was my money.
I didn't want to work retail.
I used to work political
campaigns.
And I had a chance to meet
presidents and all this stuff
before I could, even before I
was even eligible to vote.
And I learned a lot about
marketing and brand and it was
car reputation and image.
Before we started using these
other words that we use today,
and I learned so much, but I had
just valued that experience.
And so I had to go back having
that quiet time and realize
like, why do I want to help
people with their brands?
I'm also interested in this.
I was a kid that made the flyers
for the high school events, and
that was working on the websites
and doing some fake coding.
At that time.
I was the one making slogans and
college for the class Queens and
running campaigns, because it
was just a part of me.
And then this, and in this
iteration of my life, it just
gave me an opportunity to honor
it.
And then I'll go back to those
critics.
Like sometimes the critics can
be family members.
It can be you, it can be.
Family histories and it could be
other people too.
For me, it was other women
specifically.
Sometimes I've been affirmed.
By black women, but I've also
been hurt by black women.
Got it.
So.
That part and working through
that healing space.
So like that inner critic, it
wasn't, it wasn't, an
accredited, who was it?
Black and it was black women.
And some things that was said to
me and I had the nerve to
believe it.
That was my problem.
I shouldn't have believed it
because I should have believed
who I was and I allowed it to
keep me small for so long.
And the part that hurt me the
most.
And these were people I admired
in business.
I admired what they were doing.
I was champions and cheerleaders
for them.
I'm being emotional, thinking
about it.
But there's been healing and
restoration.
I haven't told this story.
Publicly, but.
I will.
I think this is a space.
Uh, when I first started, I was
just really excited.
We want a platform.
I was chairing my message and I
was graded and trolled by
somebody I actually admired.
And this is a fellow black woman
she's super successful.
I don't need to say her name.
It's not necessary.
And it hurt me for so long.
And I saw her in person.
Again, years later, and I didn't
recognize that she lost weight.
She looked different and I just
saw this black woman coming in.
We were, I was at a restaurant.
I had just won an award that
day.
Or a business award.
This is the day I'm winning the
business of what I'm literally
being celebrated, activated on
stages in front of hundreds of
people.
And my inner critic, the
manifestation of it is at lunch.
At the other table.
And I'm there and I see her.
I'm like this woman is so
beautiful and I'm looking at
she's dark skin.
And I was just like, oh my God.
It's so beautiful.
And I could not stop looking at
her.
And I was like, oh my goodness.
I know this woman.
Oh my goodness.
This.
This is my.
You know, my troll.
So I just kept looking at it and
I kept looking at it and I kept
looking at her.
She came to our table to ask the
question.
She knew who I was.
I didn't even know.
I didn't realize she knew who I
was, but she knew what she was
like.
She just shot.
She knew who I was.
And I had a client sitting next
to me and she was like, should
I, people could realize my
energy was changing at the table
because I was having a moment.
I was a melt down.
And I had to use emotional
intelligence to work.
Like, am I going to be shoddy
from Jersey right now?
And possible or.
And we're going to act like I am
evolved.
And then I haven't learned and
I've grown and that was, I was
going back and forth with, how
does that play in this.
I was going to run the plate.
Yeah.
Am I climbing?
Was there some colleagues were
there and they didn't even know
what was going on, but the
people sitting next to me, saw a
clear shift in my face and my
energy.
And I said, I'm processing a
moment.
And I need to just let it
happen.
So I ended up coming back,
confronted the car.
I went to our table and I said,
it's been such a long time.
She knew who I was.
And I was like, do you remember
what happened?
And I was like, you hurt me.
I said, you hurt me.
And I allowed that hurt to still
be here today, even though this
is the day I'm supposed to be
celebrating an accomplishment
that I've had.
And I had to say.
At that moment, even though it's
still emotional being in that
moment, I said, I forgive you.
Um, whether you meant to do it
or not.
I forgive you.
And I am not that person.
That I was when you did that to
me, because the file was the
person I am today.
It never would've happened.
We would've checked it right at
that moment.
But because I am who I am today.
I can, I can let this go up.
Still emotional thinking about
it.
But I can let this go and I can
talk about it.
And I can be okay.
And I can wish you well.
And what I said to her was.
Even though you hurt me, I'm
still proud of all the things
that you've been able to
accomplish since.
I'm so proud of you.
And we may have hugged or
something like that.
I think we did.
And it was just a moment like,
man, how far we've come and how
far we still have to go.
So I want to encourage anybody
who's ever had that experience.
Uh, Fill fill it.
And I needed it.
Most people were like, what had
happened.
Ain't even know what happened.
I didn't, I didn't make it a big
deal.
You.
I didn't have to.
And my client was like just wild
watching.
The interaction.
So you can't have conflict, but
you can have healing and
redemption in that conflict as
well.
And you can have peace in it
because I'm not losing no more
sleep over this.
Right.
Been there done that.
So, uh, wow.
That was a powerful moment and
it was a reflective moment to
think about it.
Cause it haunted me for so long.
It's to be confronted in real
time with that.
Was a challenge.
So, um, I hope that helps
somebody.
I hope that, uh, bless somebody.
Thank you so much for sharing
that.
And I think that merges both of
our understanding of that critic
and sometimes they're dormant
and in my line of work and in
the world, we talk about
triggers or activators.
You don't know.
How that may show up for you
until you're in that space with
that person.
But if we don't attend to the
critics internally and
externally, as we go throughout
our journey, As you said it's
possible to have mature
conflict.
Critical conversations.
You can reference the previous
episode with me talking about
emotional intelligence, but how
can I keep myself regulated so
that I am giving them the space
to be seen and heard as I will
want them to do of me.
So it is so possible.
So thank you for sharing that
whole connection of, Hmm.
There are other critics in my
head.
It's not that we're giving them
credit.
We're acknowledging that they're
real.
They're there and it's time to
navigate it.
It is time to evict some folks.
And sometimes it is.
Saying, I forgive you.
You may not even know the full
reason.
Mm.
And in turn, when we start
creating that internal space,
that's where we get to show up
or start leaning into our
brilliant self.
We have more energy, more
clarity.
We're not afraid to be
vulnerable as we lean into that
authenticity.
I do believe that is when you,
what you mean when you say tap
into your brilliance in your
brand, but we got to make space
for that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Look Dr.
Shah.
I feel like I could talk to you
all a day.
Your energy is electric.
But we got to wrap up, we got to
wrap up.
As we get ready to wrap up,
please share with our audience,
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socials and in the world?
And also let us know what you
got going on.
So you can connect with me
across the internet with an S
uh, at, Hey, Dr.
Shade on Facebook on Instagram,
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