Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Welcome to the Raising Up Fathers Podcast. We are here to champion men to thrive in their four main roles: son, husband, father, and brother.
Through testimonies and best practices. Our goal is to help you look a little more like Jesus in the areas that matter the most. Our vision is to raise up ten thousand fathers in the name of Jesus. You can find out more at raisingupfathers.com
If what you heard today encouraged you, please share it with a friend.
I got a question for you. Do you love me enough to wound me? To leap from your comfort zone and stir up the waters for the sake of my soul? You see, my whole life, I've tried to keep the peace, partly because I want you to like me, but also partly because I don't wanna make things weird. But as I grow older, I have the many parts of life.
Zach:But as I grow older, I have many parts of life that give me ample opportunities to make unwise choices. Think about it. I've got to manage work, marriage, and parenting, not to mention finances, fitness, and my spiritual life. Toss on top monitoring the state of my heart, dealing with my emotions, involvement with church, and any other unforeseen circumstances that come my way. I'd say I've got my hands pretty full.
Zach:Just talking about that list gives me anxiety. In managing all of these areas in my life, it's a lot. It would make sense if I missed a few yellow flags or made a few unwise choices in the midst of juggling all of these things because no one is perfect. And sometimes, for whatever reason, I miss warning signs that could have saved me from making a major mistake. You see, back in college, I remembered getting wounded from a friend.
Zach:I've always been one of the funniest guys in the room, but especially whenever I was younger, my humor came at the expense of other people. I'm naturally observant, so it would make sense that I rarely missed an opportunity to make fun of something or someone if they took a misstep. If you got a bad haircut, if you got a bad haircut, I would roast you. Had an awkward conversation with a girl, and you better believe that I'm gonna bring it up at dinner that night with all the guys around. Well, one night, my friend decided to give me a taste of my own medicine.
Zach:He was ribbing me pretty hard about what I was wearing, and I had had enough of his ridicule. I got angry and shot back with some comment to let him know that I didn't like what he was saying. That's when he got real serious. And right there in front of all my friends, he said, you know what, Garz? You always give it out real good.
Zach:But as soon as someone gives it back to you, you get you know what, Garz? You always give it out real good. But as soon as someone gives it back to you, you can't handle it. You think we like that? Man, look.
Zach:If you're gonna give it, you gotta be able to take it. Well, point taken. That was over twenty years ago, and I still think about that conversation often. His method was not very gentle, but it got the point across. And I think his words helped me become a better man.
Zach:I've had others since then, men who have pointed out my controlling nature with my wife and kids, my propensity to drink too much, and my issues with submitting to authority. The words have hurt, yeah, but they helped me get to where I am today. It is difficult to tell your friend the hard things that he needs to hear. It is even more difficult to do it in a kind and honoring way that doesn't sugarcoat the issue you're pointing out. If you need surgery to save your life, you can do it with a dull knife.
Zach:It'll hurt and make a mess, but, yeah, it'll work. It's much more efficient and clean to do it with a sharp scalpel though. We wanna be a surgeon, not a butcher when delivering hard news. Whenever we broach the subject, well, that's hard enough. But the job of the brother is receiving it with grace and humility, then having the courage to do something about it.
Zach:You see, that's your job whenever you receive hard feedback. We have to believe the best in their intentions as they wouldn't be mustering up the courage to have this tough convo if they didn't love me. Receiving and acting upon feedback in a godly way is a major sign of maturity in my book. I found when these conversations take place, whenever I have a friend who wounds me, both parties grow in affection for one another. Sure.
Zach:It may sting a little to hear the hard words, but you will probably have to give a little bit of grace. Sure. It might sting a tad bit to hear these hard words. And, yeah, you'll probably have to give a little bit of grace as the convos rarely go as planned. But I promise the wound is a gift.
Zach:It's a gift that rescues you out of foolishness. It's a gift that can break generational curses of sin and immaturity. These wounds can restore marriages and turn you into the father, the leader, and the man that you desire to be. As much as it pains me to say, I want to surround myself with men who will wound me. Men who love me enough to risk our friendship to say what needs to be said.
Zach:The ones who are willing to brave the discomfort and awkwardness to help me become the man I say I want to be. I might not like your rebuke, and I may not respond in the best way, but know that I want it, know that I need it. Because the alternative will not help me in my quest to become more like Jesus. It won't help me become a better father, a better husband, and a better man. I need your words.
Zach:I need your wounds. The alternative may very well lead to my demise. Because if I don't get them, if no one has the courage enough to wound me, well, that very well might lead to my demise.