Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
With a variety of shows, Legion Podcasts brings you discussion on the worlds of horror, film and video games from an assortment of perspectives.
There is very little time or point in an explanation. To be blunt,
the audio came from a timeline and dimension that has collapsed
at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in terms of existence.
Operational time in the dimensional continuum where the beings that created the
audio collapsed in on itself, rendering all of their civilization,
including technology, null and void. Timelines across the entire continuum
are collapsing and changing. The destruction has a nexus
that centers on cinema. Psyops.
Ten years. Man. 1010 years.
Ten years. Man ten years.
Ten years.
1010 years. Ten years.
What is the most likely way humanity will be wiped out? Maybe it's something
from space. Or us. Although the way the world ends
might be because of you. And if this is the case, you wouldn't have any
control over it. The global temperature rise underscores
a chilling reality. Our planet is trying to tell us. Something,
but we don't seem to be listening. A recent study has suggested that
one third of annual deaths due to heat are directly related
to global warming.
On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear light,
which is 180 million degrees, which catches everything on fire
in a nine mile diameter radius. On top of the bulldozing
effect of the wind, all the buildings coming down, and more
fires igniting more fires on top of the radiation if they
happen to have survived poisoning people to death. On top of all that, each one
of these fires creates a mega fire that is 100
or more square miles.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on
cinema psyops. A breathtaking scientific revolution is
taking place. Biotechnology has been progressing at
stunning speed, giving us the tools to eventually gain
control over biology, solving the deadliest diseases,
while also creating viruses more dangerous than nuclear
bombs. Able to devastate humanity. It's man
returning to the most primal,
violent state as people fight over the tiny
resources that remain. What if the world we live in. Is just a dream
or a simulation? Whether it's a dream or some advanced computer game
you are playing right now, now, when it ends, you would be what causes
the end of the world. Please, do us all a favor. Continue dreaming or
playing this game of life, because when you wake up or unplug,
there's a chance the rest of us will be blaked out of existence.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.
The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema.
Silence. 1010 years.
Ten years. Hello.
And welcome to the 472nd consecutive
week of cinema Psyops. This is 472
consecutive weeks in a decade of dim witted dip shittery.
And joining me in that dimwitted dip shittery is my dimwitted dip shit of
a co host, man. Triple D, baby. Triple D.
Christ. Yeah. So this week we're covering fierce creatures,
and I'm curious, is this a movie that was ever on your purview? Were you
aware of it before I put it on the list? I was aware of it.
I had seen commercials for it, and I was aware of it just because I.
I knew it had some homies from my name, Python,
in it. So, you know, you kind of get an idea that it
was on your side. Well, no, I'm sorry, not there are
homies from my name Python, but it's more of a.
It's the. The. You know, I knew it was supposed to be somewhat of a
successor to a fish called Wanda. Right. It's the people from a fish called Wanda
getting together to take another crack at a film. Right. Yeah. But it was never.
I've never seen it before now. Right. You never really gave it a shot.
You never really like a chance. You just kind of, like, existed.
I watched a fish called Wanda, and I. I didn't hate it,
but I also. It's not my favorite thing to watch. Oh, really? Now that's
interesting, because a lot of people didn't give fierce creatures a chance because
they were fans of a fish called Wanda, and they just felt like this was
a dumb idea and that shouldn't be done. Yeah. And I just. I'm not a
huge fan of fish called Wanda, and that's why also I didn't watch this,
which may be why not a lot of people give it a chance. You had
two camps. One that people like me. You know, fish called
Wanda really isn't in your wheelhouse. So why go see movie by the
people who did a fish called Wanda and then the people who love fish called
Wanda, who didn't want it tarnished. Yeah. They felt somehow that the existence
of fierce creatures tarnished the memory of loving
a fish called Wanda somehow. Absolutely. I'm of the
camp that saw it at just the right time, in just the right
place, without even giving that much of a fuck in just the right frame of
mind. My lawyers have advised me that the statute of limitations may
not have worn out from 97 on some of the substances that may or may
not have been on my brain whenever I first saw this film. We'll say,
how many lawyers do you have in your room right now? Enough for me to
listen to that. So I won't get specific
about the substances that were altering my brain chemistry at
the time. Upon viewing this film, not for the first time, but for the time
that I fell in love with it. Let me put it that way. Yeah,
we'll save that for story time, and I'll tell as much as I can about
that for story time. This film has a special place in my heart for that,
but I also really enjoy. Again, we talked about wordplay last week.
The wordplay in this film is fucking on point, and that's
going to be on display in all of the clips. So if you like this
movie, I'm sorry. If you love this movie, you're fucking welcome. And I watched
it. I didn't hate it when I watched it again. I don't know, maybe it's
just something like, I'm just not as into that
type of stuff, which is weird because I'm. I'm. I can be really into Monty
Python, but I don't know. I don't know. It's weird to me. You know what
I mean? It suffers for me the same thing as a fish called Wanda.
It's not a bad movie. It's well put together. I think it's well acted,
and I like all the actors in it. It's just. It's a miss for
me. And not like a miss where I'm like, it sucks. It's stupid.
It's. I could totally see somebody. Other. Other people, like,
loving this movie. And if they're like, oh, no, I love this movie.
Be like, yeah, I totally get that. It's just not for me.
This is gonna be a fun episode to start from that frame of mind for
everybody, having that already spoiled for them.
All right, well, let's not fucking dally about then. Let's make suffer even
more by covering a film that he, you know, just was kind of meh about.
Yeah, David suffering. I mean, you know, it's not
like. You know, it's not like you were doing Mae, mate over here.
First, we're gonna play the Legion Patreon ad. And then immediately following that, once again
this week, really just kind of a soundtrack of a score and
then maybe one Bruce Springsteen song. But I wasn't gonna fucking bother with that.
So I just picked music from the same year as the release of the film
1997. So up first is the song number two from
Blur, immediately following this. This'll keep you quiet.
Oh, hi there. I didn't see ya. You call me cutting
the news. They are dismantling the sleeping middle class. More and more
people are becoming poor. The poor and the underclass are growing
racial justice and humorous human rights are non existent. They have created
a repressive society and we are their unliving accomplices.
They influence our decisions without us knowing it. They numb
our senses without us feeling it. They control our lives without us
realizing it. Look around at the environment we live in.
Carbon dioxide, fluorocarbons, and methane have grown exponentially.
Earth is being acclimatized. They are turning our atmosphere into their atmosphere.
They are changing our climate into their climate. They remain outside
the limit of our sight, eating off us from birth to death.
They are our owners. They have us. They control us.
We could be pets. We could be food. But all we
really are is livestock. We are their cattle.
We are being bred for slavery. They are our masters.
Wake up. They are our masters. Wake up. They're all
about you. All around you. We appreciate it,
and thank you for listening. Now, back to the cutting room.
That is song number two from blur only on the pirate radio edit.
Or as some people mistakenly referred to it as the Woohoo
song.
That's why I hear. Yeah, I can. That's how I
jammed out when I was a senior in high school.
Wow, 97, and you were a senior. I forgot you're a little older.
Well, yeah, it would be 97. I was probably getting actually done. I was probably
already graduated then. Cause my senior year of
high school was 1996.
Wow. Now everybody's trying to, like, figure out your passwords just based
on that information alone. Yeah, luckily enough, I don't remember high school, so there's
no way I can use that for my passwords. All right, let's stop
fucking about and let's talk about fierce creatures. The film opens on credits
at what we come to learn is octopus incorporated headquarters.
Jamie Lee Curtis is on screen, and there is dialogue. So that is our first
clip. Makes sense. I'm here to see Rod McCain. Willow Weston.
I'm not getting an answer. You'll have to wait, ma'am. No,
no, I'm. I'm starting work here today and I can't be late.
Can I help? I don't think so. Could you try Mister McCain's assistant
again, please? I already did, ma'am. Sure I can't
help? Am I not on the list? Don't worry,
Bill. I'll take her up. She's from the White House. Whatever you say,
Mister McCain. Vince mcCain. I'm the son. This way.
You are? Willa Weston. I'm here to manage WCT
networks. Ah. And you are vice president, Mark. Yes,
but mostly I just wait for my father to die. What was
that thing about the White House? Oh, I was just changing his perception of the
situation. First law of marketing. So,
what would you like to know about the most powerful man alive? Rod McCain?
Around here, he's known as Rod Almighty.
Mister McCain? I'll be right out. He called me.
Hi, Neville. How's it going? Rod's busy.
Oh, God. I'm gone. Oh, yes. Yes,
yes. Oh, yes. I did it. I did the deal.
14513. Bloody eight. Hit me,
you bloody beauty.
Where'd it go? Dad, we did it again. Oh, it's you. Dad, can I introduce.
I don't have time. I'm late for the finance meeting. But dad. Shut up.
What do we do about Detroit? Rod. Closet. It's done.
Mister McCain. Willa Weston. Call me Rod. Welcome aboard.
Thanks, Matt. I'd like to introduce you. Done a beautiful deal, Willa Lion Sleisure
UK. The sweetest part of it is I snatched it from another nose of that
bastard Murdoch. What are the crown jewels? Northeast television and great
british publishing. Then there's a little film distribution company,
fawning mother Plexus, some bingo halls, three ice rinks, a crematorium.
Nice little Anna. That and a ziptainous zoo. Yep.
Gotta go with a finance meeting back, Neville. So make
a lot of money for me at WCT.
Sorry, what? Sold it this morning. Don't worry, we'll find something for
you. Talk to you later. That's it.
That's. Dad, you mean I have a job? I just gave up
a vice president. No worries, Will. I got lots of jobs. We're always expending.
Neville, check our liability on the Detroit pension rights. What if. Vince,
go away. Where am I? Crate. I'm sorry. The paint.
Neville,
what's going on at that zoo? What zoo? The one you just acquired in Britain.
Oh. We're gonna put in a guy from. Octopus TV, Hong Kong. Hard knows.
Little chinese bastard called Lee. Used to be in the Hong Kong place.
Speaks good English. But big cats over there, right?
Yes. And small mammal
house there. That's right. Good.
Mammals. Have you any background in
mammals? Well, I've eaten a lot. Sorry. Joke.
Good evening.
Evening. Now, for those of you who have not met me yet,
my name is Rollo Lee. And as of yesterday
morning, I have assumed command of this zoo.
And I shall be reporting to our new owners, Octopus, Inc.
Of Atlanta. Now, Octopus, of course, is owned by
Mister Rod McCain. Who, as I'm sure you were aware,
is a remarkable man. Starting with his father's
radio stations in New Zealand, he has built up a global
empire currently worth more than $6 billion
and growing. How much does he want?
In the end? Yeah.
What? How much bigger does he want to get?
Well, there aren't any limits. He wants growth. Presumably he's aware of Doctor
ef Schumacher's concept of limited resources. Or as Jean
Paul sot puts in any sensible questions. Yes.
Are you going to close the zoo? Yeah.
Well, I'm. I'm very glad you asked me that. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. Now, look,
this zoo has to make money. It does, yes,
yes, but not enough. Enough for what? Now, don't. Actually,
I will tell you precisely. Mister McCain requires a
20% return on capital from each and
every asset in his empire. Why 20%?
Because he does. That's why. Oh, could we explore that
thinking a little? Yeah. No,
I thought not. Despite the fact that current management theory regards.
Now, the big problem is this. How do we cut costs and
attract more visitors? Well,
I'll tell you from my experience at octopus television,
exactly what draws the biggest audiences all over the
world? Violence. Oh,
yes. Mister Sylvester Stallone did not get where he
is today by playing in Jane Austen. Therefore,
in this zoo, we require only animals that are
potentially violent. Fierce animals.
All the rest, I'm afraid you'll have to go.
What do you mean, go? Well, we'll have to find other homes for them.
What, outside the zoo? This zoo is dedicated
to conservation, and. I am all in
favor of conservation. And the three things that I want to conserve are
this zoo, your jobs, and fierce animals.
He bodges in here without the slightest idea of what?
You two don't seem very upset. Oh, we are. Really? Because your animals are female.
No, we think it's diabolical. What does he mean by fierce?
I mean, a giraffe can kick a man's head off, but you wouldn't call them
fierce. What is the same with sea lions and penguins? I mean,
people don't think of them as violent, but they can be killers.
Why have you all gone quiet? So Vince McCain immediately
starts touching Willa very inappropriately. That even in the nineties,
was obviously wrong as fuck during that clip. Gross. Yeah, very wrong. The joke
is what it is, but it's still fucking gross. The idea is that he
can get away with this, and she's letting him get away with this. Cause there's.
There's just this unspoken thing that it's going to help her in getting her
job or getting business or whatever. And it's just a thing
that corporate America does to get ahead, where everybody just fucks it's
supposed to be a joke, but it's a gross joke and it doesn't land.
I freely admit that. Yeah, it's a gross joke. And yeah, it's just,
it's. It's one of them late nineties sense of
humors. The end of the clip starts a sequence of zookeepers trying to
convince rolo that the most adorable snuggle monster animals are,
in fact, fierce and killer style animals, almost. It reminds me of early
Monty python sketches, like the dead parrot arguments where he was like,
you're saying that it is this type of argument. And I can see where a
lot of people would be like, oh, this is just rehashed. I'm not enjoying it.
Whereas I'm like, okay, this is a callback and I'm fucking loving it. Right?
Yeah. Who doesn't like a callback, right? I would have liked to have clipped it,
but it's not a review at that point. It's just a recording of the movie
being played back for you. And so I want you to
actually, if you're going to watch it, that's something that you want to look out
for. Is that stuff that we're talking about. One of those things I had to
get so careful of with clue.
Right. And so speaking of that and not wanting to
clip everything, Vince McCann continues his pattern of sexually predatory
behavior in our second clip. Willa, can I ask you a question?
Sure. Are those breasts real? Yes.
Yippee. You know, Willa, you better be careful dressed like that around
here. People will think you're sleeping your way to the top. Just as long as
they don't think I'm sleeping my way to the middle.
What are you doing? I'm gonna ask your father if I can go run the
zoo. What, you wanna go to the third world and operate
an animal toilet? Animals, paper clips, television companies.
It's all business, Willa. These things smell.
With enough zoos up and running, we are talking billions.
Wow. How about dinner tonight? You can wear your office clothes. No, I have to
get up early. Pitching it to Rod in the morning. Oh, what's the hurry?
We'll give our ruthless little chinese friend time to make an impact.
I dare say they are upset, Diane, but I have a job to do.
Yes, I know, but I. Look, look, I have to be hard nosed,
okay? I mean, McCain demands it all the time. You've got to be tough,
tough, tough. God knows why. You mean octopuses rule by
fear? No, no, no. Terror. I mean, I've got this one chance
to show that I can run something or I'm out. And at my age.
Scrappy. Mister Lee, there's a car from Atlantis.
Atlantis? Atlanta. Hello, Lee here.
Rollo, Nev here. Rod would like a word with you. Okay. Rod?
That's right. The wyvern kid settled in yet? Yes, yes. Everything's absolutely
terrified here. Thanks. How kind of you to ask.
Rod here. Got the wife and kids settled in? Yes, yes, yes, yes, I am.
So let me know what you're gonna do to push earnings up to a favourite
20%. Okay? Actually, it's marvellous to have this
opportunity of just explaining quickly what I've got here. Hello. Hello again,
Mister McCain. No, it's Nev, mate. So the wife and kids are settled
in all right. Look, I don't want to seem awkward, but I'm not married and
I haven't got any children. What happened to Rod? He's been called away.
So let Rod know your plans. Okay? Zoos are not money makers.
Will I, Mister McCain? With good marketing, cash comes walking in the gate.
And with sponsorships, even more cash. That was my idea, dad. I've got
several lined up already. Just think of it as a prototype for a chain of
cash cows. Sort of a cash dairy.
Aye. There was
a thing in the nineties where comedies were putting characters in, like, semi fat
suits and makeup just to have them play extra characters.
Yeah, I want to blame Eddie Murphy for that, because he did that with the
clumps and all that kind of shit. Like a little too much in the nineties.
Yeah, yeah, that was the late nineties, though.
Well, I thought this was early two thousands when Eddie. Eddie Murphy did those movies,
though. Yeah, well, this is 97, so. No, the nutty professor
was like, around the same time, I thought. Was it? Yeah,
the clumps was the later one. It doesn't fucking matter, all right? It doesn't matter.
The clip ends with zookeepers marching animals over to
Rollo's office and, well, there's more dialogue that was usable. So that's
our next clip. Yes, come in.
Yes, here are the animals, sir. What animals?
The first batch of animals that are definitely not fearful. Yes, sir. Ah,
good. Yes, we tried to place them with other zoos,
sir. No takers. What, you mean of all the zoos in this country,
you can't find a single one? Zoos are keeping less and less species.
Well, what about having people take those pets? Yes,
they need expert attention. Anyway, it's not allowed,
sir. Quarantine regulations. Well, can we release them back
into the wilderness? You know what? There's no safe habitat for this one.
Sir,
I. All right. So what do you propose? There's only one solution, Mister Lee.
What the London Zoo proposed a few years ago when the government wouldn't give any
more funds. What was that? Shoot him.
Are you seriously telling me there's no other way of getting rid
of these animals? Not hmm. Unless you were to change the fierce
animal policy, sir. Nope. You sure about that? In the circumstances,
sir, perfectly sure. Thank you, lollaby. Yes, they're very dear
creatures. That's not a dispute. But you would like them killed in
line with your policy? If you really have explored all the other avenues,
yes. I mean, if extermination is the only choice,
so be it. I'm sorry, but I see no alternative. The fierce animal policy
is absolutely essential for the continuing
survival of. What do you think? Well, it's just
that we'd rather not shoot them ourselves, sir. We are very
fond of them. We're keepers. And now we're
not keeping them. Oh, I see.
I'm shooting them, am I? If it's not too much trouble, sir.
No. Fine. Uh, do you have my diary there?
Go. You will make it quick, sir, won't you?
What do you mean? I'm not allowed to torture them a bit first, just for
fun. You wouldn't do that. I wasn't being serious, you stupid girl.
Hand in the time for jokes.
Bye bye, susie. Bye bye, pedal.
Be brave. I'll stop.
Bye, Rollo. I'd prefer it if you called me director.
I was talking to the lemur.
The lemur is called Rollo. She named him after
you. It is. Mocker. Spectacular. Would you pass the marmalade,
please?
You should have seen his face when he realized he was supposed to shoot them.
Without wishing to detract from your reward performances,
may I be so bold as to inquire what you hope to achieve by
this prank? Prank? It wasn't a prank, Bugsy. We're trying to confront him with
the reality. If you paint him into a corner, you'll find that
Bugsy. Shut up. He's not a cold blooded murderer. We've given him
the five sweetest, cuddliest, most lovable.
That's right. With that, we hear five subsequent shots and see
Rollo smacking a mound of dirt down with a shovel. He holsters his
pistol and takes the wheelbarrow he was using off screen. With him, the keepers
come to find the cages left where Rollo left mount of dirt in front of
them, indicating he killed all of the animals. And they are all heartbroken and
sad. About it. The film then cuts from this to Rollo getting a super
late night call. And our fourth clip. Yes?
Hello? Rolo? Yes. Vince here. How you doing? You having dinner?
Dinner? It's 02:00 in the morning. Oh, were you asleep?
Yes, I frequently am at 02:00 a.m. i'm afraid. Filthy habit I picked up in
the Far east. Oh, well, gee. Look, if this communique is in any way
sleep interruptive, I'll retlephone you later. No, no, it's not sleep
interrupted, really. So let's chat now. I can always catch up on some Christmas,
probably. Right. Okay, good. Let's talk marketing, shall we?
Oh, good. Yeah. First thing tomorrow, I'd like you to send me the most current
marketing figures that you've got. Okie doke. Right.
Rollo. Hi. Willa Weston here. Are you all right? No, no, not now. Not now.
You got a problem with now? No, no, I'm fine. Oh, don't do
that. Sorry. Hang on a moment. Susie, quiet.
Shh, shh. Hello? I'm just gonna put you on hold just for
one moment, okay? Thank you. Another filthy
habit he picked up in the Far east. Go over there.
Right. Stay. Don't. Don't, don't. Just stop it. I've got
to talk with those marketing moonies. Now, just. Just go over there and play
with each other. Right? Come on. Come on. He's got two girls. Go away.
Susie. Susie. What are you going down there for? Ah.
Ah. No. Stop licking my. Careful. Ah.
Ah. Don't fool
around with you, though. Ow. Ow. Don't pull. Don't pull.
Cindy, get off the bed. Cindy. Off. Off. I don't want you now.
Get three girls. Cindy, go away.
Just go. Oh, that is disgusting.
Sorry. I had a bit of a cramp. Hello? Hello.
He must have eaten a whole rhino horn.
Now there's a thought. I'll be right back.
Time. How does he get three girls?
Where's the third one go? Bastard. Place is
probably crawling with young, beautiful female zookeepers.
Damn. I hate it when people abuse positions
of trust for their own personal sexual gratification.
It's demeaning to women fans. Tell me about the sponsorships.
What sponsorships? The ones you told Rod about. I made that up.
Vince, I. What are you doing? I'm getting undressed.
For sex. I thought you were in the bedroom. I was getting us dinner.
Oh, okay. You want to eat first? Oh,
goody, goody, goody. Yup. Yippee.
Vince, I invited you here tonight to say
thank you for helping me. Rod. Not to
jump in the sack with you. Whoa, wait, wait, wait. What is
the problem? I really like you. And who knows what might have happened. Oh,
you mean if you weren't going to England tomorrow? Exactly. Look, it's all right.
I understand. Really. You're sure you're okay with this?
Really? Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.
Cause I'm going with you. What?
Yes. Surprise. I talked to Rod and he said we could run
the zoo together. Great.
You're not gonna let him go to Marwood zoo? I know
it's only 4000 miles away, but it's a start.
Still as tough on Willa getting landed with the idiot's
son? She can manage him. She's a natural born corporate killer. Right this way,
Mister McCain. You have a question? Yeah.
Back neb. Now,
now. You'd better send a
good bookkeeper with him. He would never dare try to
steal again. Faking my signature?
Not after what happened to him last time.
Ah, you must be the intellectuals. What do you want to know?
What about the 5000 layoffs closed down in Chicago?
Any employees will let go. It would depend on the second quarter growth.
Because we don't want to lose anyone unless it is absolutely
necessary. We at Octopus are in the business of job creation.
Currently, we employ more than 70,000 people worldwide.
Sometimes circumstances lost parts of the country to be relocated.
Scared? Oh, don't worry about Terry. You wouldn't have had to fly.
Actually, would have had to fly. Being a mexican red knee tarantula, Brachy Pelmer,
Smithy and therefore particularly partial to flies. The point is
that Terry has a bite relatively harmless to human beings.
Yet you reacted as though even at the s. Which he isn't.
Yes, I've always had a bit of a thing about spiders, actually. So if creatures
are thought to be fierce, they are, ipso facto,
fierce. Sorry, director, we need the guns. What?
Animals escape, Mister Lee. We've got to catch it. We need three, sir. Tranquilizer birds.
Jerry's got the blowpipe, sir. But we need the real thing, just in case.
Okay, I'll get one too. Don't worry, sir. We can handle the ways.
So during the clip, it is revealed that Rollo did not shoot any of the
animals. And one of them shit on his hand when he pushes it off the
bed as one of the gags they do that didn't age as well for me
as when I was watching this as a young teenage lad on various
elicited substances thinking that that was super hilarious. Listen,
when you're younger, you find dumber shit funny because you're
dumb shit. And then you get older and you realize that wasn't that funny.
There is a gag where Vince thinks he's getting head when
Willa bends down to pull up his pants as well in that
where he, like, he's taking off his clothes thinking that they're going to
have sex. And then she walks over and in his somewhat defense, even though he's
a fucking creep, she does very seductively drop to her knees,
making it seem like something's about to happen. But she's pulling up his hands.
Yeah, that's a gag that she does there. And I like the way that Willow
basically manipulates him and that he's so dumb and that he doesn't realize he's
being manipulated and she's using him every bit as he's trying to use her.
But she's doing it much better than him.
Yes. Yeah, well, yeah, she's just better at this. And then as
you heard at the very end of the clip, it starts a sequence of the
keepers creating a false chaos to stop Rollo's fierce
creatures policy. They are fighting back. This is the stuff in the movie I
really enjoy, is where the zookeepers are basically trying to trick and manipulate
their boss. I just really like this sort of gaslighting game that they're playing with
him. It's fun and I enjoy it. Yeah, I like that too.
Yeah, it's funny. It's fun. It's funny. Yeah.
They try to convince him an anteater is a killer while they fake Anhe injury
where a woman is repeatedly carried in front of Rollo until he finally notices
her. If you pay attention, she goes past in the background like several times and
they get frustrated and have to turn around and try again to get John
Cleese to notice. I don't know, that made me laugh.
Yeah. And then he finally notices her and then they try to convince him
she was mauled by a bandicoot, which if anybody's ever seen a bandicoot, you know,
that's probably not possible. Yeah, that's not going to
happen. That's. That's a little weird. Poor fake injuries are
paraded around in front of Rollo and we begin to see the classic overly
frustrated angry man comedic bits that John Cleese does so well.
This stuff all really works well, I think. Even if you don't like anything else
in the movie, this stuff is John Cleese at his best. And you're going to
love it the. Way that anything John Cleese is typically
going to be real good and real funny. He has led towards the
sea lion exhibit, where they are using sex to sell the sea lions
and entertain folks with a scantily clad young
lady. Which starts a different discussion about what necessarily
means fierce in our fifth. I mean, you see, she couldn't do that
if they were fierce. You see, if they were fierce, she couldn't go in there
with them. Now, I am 100% behind the fierce animals policy.
I mean, of course, in case of animals like that, well, I mean,
the tendency to speak to themselves. And I understand that the purpose of the fierce
animals policy is to increase attendances, but where attendances already hyper non fierce animals.
I would have thought they'd been, you know, an exception to the general rule.
The african migratory locust.
It's typical, isn't it, these management types? No inkling of interest in
any other subject other than their own. Bit more, not too much.
It's got to look real. Right? Right. Well, we better not do anyone else today
or he might get a bit suspicious. Yeah, no, we don't want to make him
too fierce. You know, I have a suggestion. To make a
complete idiot of him. Let's make those wounds as realistic as
possible. No, no, no.
Something wrong with the sights on this. I keep hitting coffee mugs.
Right, I'll see you three in my office, 09:00 tomorrow morning.
Oh, my God. Did you know
that the Anopheles mosquito kills more people in the. Than all the wild
animals in Africa in a century? Were you shooting more animals?
No, just culling a few keepers. Ah. Leg better, is it?
Miracle recovery or he's death shot a keeper.
Watch out. No, I haven't. He is in there
dying. Look out. Be quiet. Stop that.
On. Everything under control. Oh my God.
He's gone mad. Nothing to worry about.
Right. Oh, Mister Lee,
I'm afraid it's been a bit of an accident. Of course there has. Lot of
he. And I can promise you it's the last one. What? This lady
fell, Mister Lee. No, no. Surely she's been savaged by a chipmunk or gored by
a gopher, or disemboweled by a chicken, hasn't she? Come on,
get off that. What? I've had enough of this. Put that stretcher down, you two.
I fell. I did. Mister Lee. Scat's. I'm warning you, Lottabee, put the
stretcher down now. What are you doing? Oh,
come off it, friend. Look, just get up. She needs treatment. No, she doesn't.
She's hurt her leg. No, no, it's fake. What? It's fake
blood. Look, taste it, Mister Lee.
It's fake. Fake? Yes, fake. Try it yourself.
Who is this? He's the director of the zoo. He's in charge.
Look, you've been rumbled, okay? What? Oh, you're not fooling anyone, so just
get up. What you've done. What is going on?
Understand, this is artificial blood. The whole thing's
a charade. She's not hurt. She is hurt. No, no, no. Look,
she's just one of the keeper's wives. She's my wife. Look, taste the
blood. She's my wife. Taste the blood. She's my
wife. She's your wife? Wait a moment. He's drinking
her blood. Will you stop her? Are you
sure she's your wife? Of course I'm sure. Just get away from her. No,
no need to be sensible. Oh, Count Dracula's telling me to. Very sensible.
What is happening here? He's sucking her blood. His what? Look at
his lips. He's the director of the zoo. You're Rolla Lee? Yes.
Christopher Lee, more like. This woman is injured. She needs attention. I know
she needs treatment. You just told everyone she didn't before you bit her.
Look, are you in pain, mister pike? No, it's very tender. Because I can
handle this, thank you. Look, I'm in charge. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. My God, you Americans appreciate you. Who the hell do
you think you are? Willow Weston. Vince mcCain.
Welcome to Marwitz. Ooh. Um, can I offer you a coffee? Donut,
cappuccino? That's him.
There he is. You're under arrest. Come here. Come here. He shot a caper.
No, no, no, he didn't. He tried to, but he missed.
Missed? Look at that.
There's some great comedic bits that are just classic physical comedy
and everything involved in that clip. I had to clip that out just for that
reason. You really did. Yeah, it was good shit. Now, in the background,
you do actually see a woman fall down for real and injure
her leg if you pay attention. And then Rollo notices the fake
injury scam going on, so he shoots up the room, as we heard in the
clip. He's just basically trying to get revenge on the keepers because he
obviously doesn't like being taken for a full and then obvious.
The chaos that they're creating to try and get back at him, he. He's losing
control and he realizes it. So he does that to get back
at them for faking the injuries. The bit where he tastes the woman's actual blood
makes me lose my shit. Every time. I always laugh my ass off about that.
That's so fucking great. No, taste the blood. It's just good shit.
And it's just John Cleese is fucking going for it is like, this flustered dude
who just has to prove that he's right and just refuses to accept that
maybe he misinterpreted this one for real.
The clip ends with the woman with the injury being dropped
to the ground. Once that woman is screaming, that ends up knocking Rollo
down in some way. Like, she falls on his legs or hits his legs in
such a way that he basically falls forward on top of the woman, like,
diagonally, and is laying there. And then the woman that was doing all the screaming
and beat Rollo for being a vampire then starts hitting him
again for being on top of the woman, which is just causing more harm to
the woman that's on the stretcher the whole time while everyone's scrambling just
to pry Rollo off of her. And it just becomes this whole
kerfuffle that's just absolutely insane and just reminds me of
Marx Brothers routine in some way just because it just goes off the rails for
some fast start playing yakity sax. Right? It's utter
chaos and screaming, and it just goes direct to my funny bone. And also,
by the way, that's the end of the first 30 minutes of the movie,
so that's Rollo's life pretty much ruined, right? All at
this end of the clip there. Yeah, yeah. Good stuff. I don't
really know what to add about that because it is just basically
the start of the film, and there's a lot of stuff in the first 30
minutes that you really could enjoy and have fun with. And I can
see where there's a certain direction this film goes in the back half that just
might be too much of a. Too much of a stretch for some folks,
maybe. I don't know. Yeah, but this. This stuff. I mean, you've laughed at
all of this stuff so far and you've enjoyed all this. Yeah. I mean,
again, I find it funny. It's just. I don't know, maybe the story,
you know, it's hard, all right? You can't
pin down what it is about it that you dislike, but there's still something about
it that's just not. How about this? There are funny moments, but they're
not enough, maybe. Yeah, okay. I could see that. And it's fine.
I totally get it. But there's just something about this film that I connect with
it, so we might as well just move on to the next 30. It's still
good. We'll just move on to the next 30. Then we're going to go for
the full hour from here. All right? And it starts with Rollo talking to the
animals in his apartment that he obviously has not shot.
Even still. And that is our 6th clip.
So the big question is, what am I going to do with you all?
Because I'm almost certainly on the scrappy PC.
Oh, well, pity. I like it
here. Oh, look what you've done.
That's the second time. Don't they teach you any manners in
Argentina? If you do that again,
I will shoot you. Coming.
Quick, quick. I still say we should just fire it. Okay,
fine. You call your father. All right. Come here, darling.
Now, quiet, susie.
He's at it again. Come on, get out of here.
Oh, hello. Hi. Can we come in? You are still working,
right? 03:00 in the afternoon. Oh, do you want the report? Yes. So we
can come in. Okay, yeah, good idea. Good idea. A bit of a mess.
I'm free to just spill something. Oh, look,
Rollo, we've been reviewing your situation, and we've decided
to reappraise your position. Oh. Away from
the public. You saw the local papers? Yeah, the vampire gunman
runs amok story that. Yes. Bloody newspapers.
Ha. So if you'll just report to me tomorrow morning at 09:00 a.m.
we'll discuss. The position and your new office. Um, one thing before
you go. Um, about those five animals that I'm supposed to have shot.
Smart career move, bub. What? Killing them saved your ass from extinction.
Oh, I see. No, no, no. They just put it in. Very disputed.
Well, it wasn't an easy decision, obviously. I mean, you know,
you've got to be hard nosed because toughness is the name
of the game if you want. No nonsense management, after all.
And toughness is what it's all about these days, you know, toughness and hard
noseness. Well, hard nasality, as I mentioned before, you know.
I mean, that is the bottom line, as Rod so often says. I mean,
Rod is right there, I think. Remarkable man. Absolutely remarkable
man. $6 billion. How extraordinary.
Damn radiator. Harvey slept last night.
I bet. Listen, Roland, I don't like you.
You're weird and unattractive. Just better reposition your attitude. Be zabi
certain members of the female staff, or you're gonna be out of here.
Certain members of the female straw. Oh, please.
Well, I think he's sexy. Sexy? Uh huh.
Looks like a giraffe in crime. Did you get a whiff of his cologne?
Oh, de monkey fart. No, he's a geek. And the
way he moves, it's like he borrowed his body for the weekend and he hasn't
figured out how it works yet. Well, he's got something. I mean, he's just been
demoted and the girls are still all over. I'll bet they're real dogs.
Mangy, nearsighted, weight watcher reject. God, he's so male.
Him? No. Yom. Look. Isn't he
wonderful? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Reminds me of
my father. Is your father ugly? No,
it's just I didn't get to see him very much. When I did, he used
to take me to the Atlanta Zoo to see Willie B. The gorilla.
That's when I felt close to him. To the gorilla? No, to my father.
Life just seemed simple then. Yeah. Yeah. Is this all he
does? I mean, because the zoo is after
the entertainment dollar, right? Is that the show? Because if this is the evening performance,
I'm glad I missed the match. What do you do for an encore? Fall asleep?
You really don't like animals, do you? No, it's not that I don't like them.
I just don't see the point. I remember when I was five, my mother
got me this dog. I just didn't get it. Suppose I had
nothing I needed fetched, so I sold him. Oh, that's sad.
Oh, he got over it. No, for you. It's very sad for you
because you couldn't love a puppy. Yeah. No, no, no.
This is the kind of conversation two people have when one of them is female.
Surprise. Celebrate our partnership.
Partnership? That's right. However, there's just one thing
I couldn't help noticing. I don't know if you did. We still have separate bedrooms.
Just missed. I mean, we have taken over the zoo.
We are here in England. Be we.
I think it's too soon. Why? Because what we have
is special. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. Huh? It's too
soon. How too soon?
Thanks, asshole. Fault you.
Oh, hello. Lovely evening. What are
you doing with that? Oh, the lemur? Yeah. Oh, just putting it back in its
enclosure. Why'd you take it out? For a walk? You know
exercise. Can hardly move in there. No, no, the exercise
is for me. So what do you need that for? That's a good point,
actually. Well, perhaps I won't bother in future. Thanks for the hint.
Hey, we're gonna use that for target practice.
Oh, no. Or, uh, one of your orgies.
Orgies? Yeah. I'm on to you.
You were gonna put that somewhere. You're sick. Is there a history
of insanity in your family? Or is there smashing up trolleys?
The latest american craze. No, the latest american craze,
pal, is firing weirdos like you. Come on, Rollin.
Let's get you back home before some Looney attacks this trolley.
Come on, Rollo. He's talking to himself, and I'm the loony?
Animals are boring, but people pay money
to see them. Which is what led me to my latest inspiration. We are talking
about a whole new concept in sponsorship. That completely eliminates
the non event impact episode. For instance, what have we here?
Ah. An African spurred tortoise. Who gives a shit,
right? I mean, look at it. If it died, would we know? My grandmother's
grave is a bigger attraction. Wait.
It's not just some nonentity tortoise now.
It's Bruce Springsteen's tortoise.
Immediately it's an event. It's practically a celebrity itself.
Will he come and visit it? What? Will he come and visit it?
What his schedule allows. So he's actually agreed to sponsor it?
I'm expecting his call any minute. But the potential. We can
market little Bruce Springsteen tortoises. Jurassic park made
half of its money from those little plastic dinosaurs. And they're even deader
than this heap of garbage. Follow me. Now here we
have a brazilian. Tapered.
I have to say, I've dated better looking women. Now listen to
this experience enhancing, digitally manipulated educational tool.
Brazilian tapions. Solitary three toed
ungulates. Which inhabit lowland forests in sunny Brazil.
Reachable now in less than 14 hours via British Airways.
Non stop flights to stunning Rio de Janeiro. I mean,
it's bad enough having to wear this rubbish. I do know what you mean.
I only assume he's planning to turn the entire zoo into a supermarket. Where he
can sell videos about animals and other zoos. I agree. He's trying to cheat little
souvenirs. The ones they didn't have time to see because they were too busy shopping.
Yes. I mean, I'm surprised he hasn't started selling all the animals here. Look,
the point is this special summer sale. Antelope,
50% off. Ocelots, 200 pound each, or six for a thousand rhino.
On just a job for Friday night. Could I say something? One free porcupine
with every purchase of two overpriced t shirts, please.
Thank you. I just want to make this one. If you ask me,
I can't get a word in edgeways, let alone ask you anything.
You didn't kill them. What? We checked.
They're all alive, you rascal.
It was only kidding. Just figure that out, Eddie.
I say. Now, over here. This used to be the lion house. But as it's
no longer suitable for animals, we're using it for middle management.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Can you keep a
lid on it till the sun goes down? For God's sake, you're supposed to be
working, not prancing around your cell like a, uh,
flamingo with a boner. Terribly sorry,
ladies and gentlemen. We're having a little problem getting the. Right balance with his medication.
This is a family zoo, not the playboy mansion, you pervert.
It's your last warning, Lee. Follow me, ladies and gentlemen.
Perfectly all right. Sorry about that. Fight this way. Fight this way.
Now I know why they keep him in a cage.
At the end of the clip, it is clear that Willa is becoming more and
more infatuated with rollover. Based on this misconception that he has some kind of
sexual dynamo. Based on all the previous misunderstandings
of various women that have been sleeping with him. Yeah, right.
The discussion about the animals is continued in our 7th clip.
Yes, but we thought you had actually killed them. Look, I had to
pretend I shot them. Why? To preserve my authority.
What authority? Yeah, all right, all right. Anyway, I'm just
praying that Vince doesn't fart me, because I love, oh, come on, Rollo.
You just love putting things in cages, being an ex cop.
It's true. But this place is still special.
It used to be. What? Before Vince McCain.
He is right at the bottom of the food chain, isn't he? I fail to
see how you can criticize him. What?
Well, he's bringing the crowd in, isn't he? In order to raise the revenue to
the 20% profit margin. That you yourself were advocating so
vociferously less than a month ago. No, that's not what I, yes,
you were. No, I wasn't. Yes, you were. No, I wasn't. What's the point of
raising it to 20%? You really want
to know what I think? Yes. Right. Right. I'll tell you.
I think the whole octopus philosophy is poison.
The only aim of any and every McCain business is
to downsize and halve the quality to make enough money to acquire another
business to downsize and halve the quality to make enough money to
acquire another business to downsize, etcetera, et cetera, without ever running
a single one of them. Really? And if anyone ever raises the question
of quality, they're immediately attacked as an elitist. Because an
octopus. It's considered morally offensive to talk about anything but
money. All so that Mister Rod McCain can feel a
little more powerful every day. That's why,
instead of running this wonderful zoo properly, we have to spoil
it in order to finance his next mindless acquisition.
On the other hand, he is a remarkable mandehead.
I haven't finished. I haven't finished. Here's true visionary
of. Oh, hello. I was just trashing
octopus. I know. It didn't really sound like that, did it?
Why do you work for us, Rolo? Cowardice.
Look, we all have to live in a real world or this place is going
to close. But I just want you all to know one thing. I intend to
run this one business really well. And if you do, you can always
open a chain of them all over the world. Little zoos popping up
everywhere, all exactly the same. Leopards on the left, rhinos on the
right, monkeys in the middle, sea lions in the center.
Oh, boy. At the end of the clip, Willow continues on her run
through the zoo. And you can see just how much marketing and cross
promotion awfulness. Vince McCain has polluted the zoo with.
It's really over the top and just plain awful.
Animals have celebrity endorsements that block the view of the actual animals.
Banners and stand ease crowd pretty much every walkway and cover every rooftop.
It is absolutely horrendous and accurate to a tee of what
fucking corporate marketing is like. That's true. At the
end of her run, Willow goes into the gorilla keeper's office to
get some water. And an improperly locked cage doorway allows
a gorilla to get close to Willa. And it terrifies
her as it checks her headset after taking it off,
and then touches her hair lightly. The gorilla is gentle but curious
about her. And she has a moment where there is a connection with her and
the animal. Just as the gorilla keeper comes in to check up on her,
he gets the gorilla to go back to its enclosure. And Willow steps outside to
have the zookeepers clock that she has had a life changing experience and
now understands what makes the zoo so special. In our 8th clip.
You okay, Miss Weston?
No, I'm fine. I. I just.
Oh, you made contact.
It's great. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't
understand. I wasn't lying. Oh, really? Just what? Altering my
perception of the situation? Yeah. No, no, no. I spoke with
Springsteen direct. Oh, really?
He said, vince, my man, you were born to run with us. You have my
blessing. Then how come I have this pissed off back from his agent?
Oh, this is just a negotiating ploy. Just.
Just offer him 50% of the total tortoise revenue. There is
no tortoise. Revenue. Revenue. Exactly. The point is, if you.
The point is, Vince, that this sponsorship stuff is degrading
to the animals. Like what? Like that.
That's genius. There's not one major award I won't win
for that. That is unacceptable. Take it off.
But. But it's brilliant that it's
never been done before. Try to work out why.
It's for the zoo. It's a perfectly. Well, she won't tell request for information.
That's all. Not after what I said about octopus. She likes
you, Rollo. She's the one who's always on about consultation. She likes
you. What do you mean? What she means is that the pheromones that
you're unconsciously releasing into the atmosphere have the physiological
effect of increasing the statistical probability of her taking part
in some form of melting behavior. Not unlike that, I'm an african
crossover. Hello. Oh, hello. What are
you doing? Uh, just, uh, visiting some little friends.
Ah. Plenty of them at the zoo, I've heard.
Yes. Can I ask you something? Sure.
About some of these sponsorships. I wonder if you and your fiance
don't. Don't feel that some of them are Vince. No,
no, no. We're not together. Oh, good,
good. Only I know we're not making 20% yet, but. But some of the
marketing devices are a bit. Bit crude. Yes.
Good. Because you know, the keepers. And I
will look at. Aren't they gorgeous?
Oh, they just make you want to fondle them. Oh,
yes, yes, yes. I see what you mean. Yes. Is this one your
favorite? Yes. Yes, I like him best
of all the small memories. Mammals. Sorry,
yes. His name's Rollo, actually. Really?
Yeah, so I sort of feed him some little special tits.
Bits. Tits. Tid. Tid. Sorry. Tidbits. Keep making boobs.
Anyway, he just loves his nuts. Does he?
Oh, and is Rollo very sexually
active? Well, he doesn't have a partner at the moment. You know,
if he had one, one. I mean, just one would get bored.
I mean, you had two in your cage the other day.
Oh, yes. I mean,
some of the sponsorship gimmicks are a bit sexy. Excessive. Excessive sex.
Excessive. That's it. Sorry. Freudian slit.
Slut. Slut. Slip. Slip. Slip.
Slip. Sorry. Slip. Rollo, do you really want
to talk about this? Well, I think we all.
Okay, how about dinner tomorrow night?
Dinner? Yes.
Well, yeah. Yes. I don't think I've got anything else on this. Yeah, no,
that. That'd be fun. Good dinner,
Bello. I think I like you.
Something in the air. Fucking hell.
Oh, damn it. I can't have dinner with you tomorrow night.
I'm having dinner with Rob McCain. Rod. What,
here? No, no. At the Morwood arms. Uh, Wednesday?
Yes, but he's not going to close down at you.
Oh, no, no, no. Zoo safe. Rod trusts me.
Don't worry. Good. See you Wednesday.
Good. Good. I'd like to know what McCain's
really thinking. I mean, just because she trusts him doesn't mean we have to.
I'll tell you what. You need to deal with these big corporations. Inside information.
All right. During the clip, we see that the tigers have sashes placed
on them to sell absolute vodka, which is definitely something that Willow
should be talking about. How tasteless it is. Is. And how Vince thinks it's going
to win him an award. It's really gross. Capitalism will.
It takes off her jacket to reveal some cleavage when she's talking about. Look at
them. Aren't they gorgeous? Don't you just want to fondle them? Which throws Rollo into
the freudian slip fest that I have stolen from my humor style. Ever since seeing
this film, I. Fred, I've used a lot of those freudian slips,
like, as a joke. Like that. Yeah. Good stuff. She even does a bend over
to place her backside up on his shit to come on to him
before revealing the bit about the rod McCain, meaning at the very
end of the clip. And they cut from this to the bugging of the
room by the bug guy and Rollo setting up microphones and arguing
about all the talking. The bug guy has to keep over mansplaining everything instead
of actually doing what he should be doing and that he's running out of time.
It's revealed that multiple keepers are involved in this. And the
bug guy spends so much time talking, he neglects to set up any
of the microphones properly. And Rod arrives too early. And the dark
haired lady from law and order, I just realized that's who that was.
Comes to warn them and gets them latched out
of the adjoining room they rented as rod and crew arrive.
And they go ducking into the closet to hide. During our next
clip, it's called the. Churchill suite because Sir Winston stayed here on
two separate occasions. We do hope you'll enjoy your stay. If there's
anything called you, it's Melbourne. All right. Gentlemen, ladies, if you'll excuse
me, I have a rather empty little bubbly.
Come on. Have some champagne. Come on. Glad to see you.
Mm hmm. Yes, what's that? Indeed there's a. Yeah,
right. How much? Waiter.
Now. Okay. Right.
What'd be the cost of a planted Papua New guinea? Right.
I'm gonna close Melbourne down. What? It's not being recorded.
I know. That's why I'm trying to listen.
Well, they shouldn't be saturating. Right? Facts. Atlanta. About this,
mate. Beijing called. We've got the television rights to their public
executions. Worldwide. Five guys a week, guaranteed.
Beauty. This is what satellite television was invented
for. Totally cross cultural. Zavik.
Vince. What do you want to talk about? The zoo's going really well,
dad. Have you got the figures? Yeah, it's taking
some time with the fritz into shape, dad, but I've got some amazing fans.
You're gonna be proud of me. Just give me the money. Figures.
Can't believe what I put together, dad. Probably not.
I really want to thank you, dad, for accommodating me, schedule wise. It means a
lot to me, both as an employee and flesh and blood wise. You've got the
crap. It was on my way. Done really
well, haven't I, dad? Ship off the owl block. I I'm
reading something here. Doesn't add up.
The tarantulas escaped.
Tarantula's loose.
Told you I'd kick ass. Dad. What? I really wanted to ask.
I feel really close to you, dad, these last few moments,
and I was wondering, could I get a raise? Out of the question.
Why? I don't
have the money. You got $6,000,000,000.07. But things are tight
right now. The hell's making all this bloody noise?
Who's there? Oh. Okay, look. What about a small
advance on my inheritance? What inheritance?
Well, I'm your son. You have to leave
me something. Why? You screwed up my whole childhood.
How could I have? Wasn't even there.
Besides, I'm not leaving.
What do you mean? The mom and I become seriously ill. I'm being cryogenically
frozen until they find a cure. All the money goes
into a trust till I get back. You mean you're not gonna die?
Bad news, eh? Get a hole of yourself.
Hmm. That was a sheep. You're gonna be immortal.
No. You got it. I knew this cryogenic stuff isn't cheap,
costing me an arm and a leg. Sheep are exactly like
people, you know. My couple of meals a day, they just stand
there, quietly eat them.
Christ, that's the biggest goddamn spider I ever saw.
Oh, yeah, that's probably what was making the bleeding noise. I don't like spiders.
Kill it. It's terminated. I missed.
Let's go under the sofa. I'll wait here. Listen,
Vince, you might have to close the zoo down. What? I can make a lot
of money if I sell it to the Japanese as a golf course. But,
dad, I'm. Shut up. Don't mention it to Willie yet. Come on, let's eat.
I'm starving. Oh, hello, mister McCain.
Am I early? No, you're just in time. How's business? So great. I have good.
Let's eat. Do I look alright? Great. Yeah,
never better. How'd it go? Really well. Let's go. Oh.
Is that blood? Yeah. Spider bite? Yeah. Come on, let's go.
Ah, Christ. Okay. During the clip, the bug guy, played by Michael
Palin, tells the other two in the closet that the spider got loose. You do
kind of hear him say that. And then you do heard as they're fighting and
Rollo and a law and order lady starts stripping down in
fear of the spider for some odd reason other than just
to get them naked. For the next comedy bit, you can see the spider exit
the closet, and you can see Vince stab himself in the leg when he cannot
commit to murdering his father out of his rage of realizing he's never going to
get any money out of him. The trio exit the closet, and Palin's bug
guy is happy to find that his spider is just fine at the end of
the clip. And then law and order lady notices that Willa has left
her bag and will be right back. Willow comes in for the
bag. When Rollo hears the door close, he assumes
that Willow has left and exits the closet, revealing himself to Willa,
who was checking her makeup the whole time in the mirror. In another strange reveal
of misunderstandings, Willa sees a sheep on the bed in the
room next door that Rollo claims to have rented and what
appears to be two mostly naked women. She smirks at
this and is even more intrigued by it. And that
is the end of the first hour of the film. I gotta say, I don't
know if I buy that her character would be really into this guy because,
like, sometimes a person who fucks a sheep isn't gonna really be a
thing that you're gonna want to be a part of, right? Like, I mean,
kind of draw the line with animals that can't really consent. You know,
that's where you draw your line. Yeah. At least you
draw the line there. I draw my line with consent. If an animal
cannot consent, so therefore animals identify, definitely draw the line. Two people
at the same time. As long as everyone consents it doesn't fucking matter how many
people are fucking. That's. Yeah, one. One to a fucking million.
As long as they're all consenting adults, it's fine. I don't give a shit,
you know? Yeah. And what the two people are doing together, as long as everything
is consenting, even if it's like, you know, somehow physically harming each other,
fine. Up to a certain point and make sure you get your aftercare.
Otherwise you're a fucking dick. But also, as long as everybody's consenting is none of
my business. Yeah. So me. Hell with it. Yeah. That's the perfect line
to draw, is consent. It's a very good demarcation point for.
Any that should be always. Everyone should use that.
Yeah. So there we go. I mean, I get the joke that they're
coming at here where it's supposed to be like, he's just this really, really sexually
devious guy. And Willow's into that idea because she likes the
idea that maybe she would be wild enough to tame him or something
like that. I get what they're trying to do here, and I freely admit,
for most people. Yeah. That stuff will fall flat. The thing that I find
funny is the giant misunderstandings that how. How much more
perverse they make John Cleese's character seem and
how much more enable he is to explain what's going on.
That's the part that I find funny. I don't. Don't really like the
idea that Willow is intrigued by it and it's actually turned on by him being
even more of a weirdo that likes to fucking. Yes, because that's wrong.
That's just. Yeah, don't fuck animals. Right. That should have been a bridge too far.
You know what I mean? It was a bridge too far.
No, I mean, for Willow, that should have been the deal. But no, she's still
into him and that's not cool. You want to just do the run to the
end? Running to the end. All right, so the run to the end starts with
our next mega fucking clip. Good news. Customer pull
through way, way, way up.
And the feedback has been sensational. And I want to thank you all
personally for the incredible enthusiasm that you've shown
vis a vis our latest new innovative initiative. You look
fantastic. You're no longer a bunch of smelly old
animal keepers. No. As of today, you are official theme
zoo visitation enhancement facilitators. Now for
the really big news. This is it,
ladies and gentlemen, the coup de zoo. If you'll just look this way.
Wasn't easy. Look.
You diabolical bastard.
Yee ha. You can't put an animatronic animal
in a zoo. Why not? It's not real.
So what? It gave you a thrill. Look, people are
coming here from all over the world who have never seen a panda in their
whole miserable life. It's not a real thrill, is it? It's artificial.
Having pandas in England is artificial, for God's sake.
What do you want me to do, put everyone on a plane and fly them
to Africa?
They come from China. Not this baby.
This was handmade in Belgium. I don't want some cheap chinese panda.
What's the matter? What is wrong with you people?
I can't stand all this negativity. Why don't you
please go home?
What does it take to get appreciated around here, huh? This is a hit
zoo, thanks to me. People come here to feel their connection with nature.
And you don't get that with electric pandas. We're just giving them what they want.
What about the quality of the experience? No,
Rod says quality has never worked for him. Right. Everything he touches gets tackier.
Well, that's the price of success. Vince, I had
an extraordinary experience yesterday. What sort of experience?
With him. With him? A sort of contact.
What? You couldn't possibly understand, could you? Oh,
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think I do.
I don't turn you on anymore because you've got the hutz for a gorilla.
It's not sexual. Well, he's clearly more attractive
than I am, isn't he? Yes, but let me ask you something. How much does
he earn? How much does Mister Gorilla take home at the end
of the week? Not a lot. A couple of bananas.
You know how much I'm worth? Do you have any idea how much money I
have made since I've been at this stinking zoo?
$1.2 million.
Yeah. Think about it. What are
you talking about? I've made nearly 800,000 in sponsorship
deals in cash, plus consultancy
fees, plus commission on animal futures. You can steal
it. No matter what I do, no matter what
I wear, I can never impress you. You're just like my father. This is
gonna close, Vince. So what?
You and me, we walk away with $2 million, the place closes. What a
shame. The Japs buy it. You are. You're pronoid.
Pronoid? Mm hmm. It means that contrary to all the available evidence,
you actually think that people like you. Your perception of life is that it's
one long benefit dinner in your honor with everybody cheering
you on and wanting you to win everything. You think you're
the prince, Vince? Well, let me tell you something. You're gonna put back
every last cent into that zoo account. By 10:00 tomorrow morning.
Or I am gonna call your daddy and tell
on you. Hello. Ready for
dinner? Fine. Let's let's leave it.
Look, perhaps I should explain why I didn't have any trousers on last night.
Matter. No. Right. You're wondering why the girls didn't
have any kit on either. No. Look,
I'm sorry. I don't know what I've done to upset you.
Look, it's not you, Rollo. I love the zoo.
I love zoo too. These zoo do. Well, it's all going
wrong. And now Vince has been stealing.
Stealing? Yeah. And if McCain finds out, I don't know what he's gonna
do. Okay, look, um,
let's find out how obvious it is to Atlanta. Right. First of
all, see if they the bank reconciliation figures. And the
cash flow tie up. Then we all.
Yep. How do you know about this stuff?
Well, I was in the police for 20 years, you know? I mean, it's not
just hitting people on the head with dicks. Sticks. Sticks.
Sorry. Damn. You see, it is pretty obvious to.
It is pretty, pretty obvious if they know what they're,
huh. Putting the money back.
But only because I have feelings for you. Oh, Rollo, not again.
How do you do it? I'm gonna call the zoo vet and get you fixed.
Get the bimbo out of Miss Weston's office. No,
no, no, no. I can understand
the gorilla, but not not Mister disgusting Vince. What is
it? He drugged you? Do you owe him money? Was it a dare?
What? He's very attractive.
Attractive? Attractive? How can
you touch him? Look at that suit. The suit comes off.
I just got an image of that. You must be desperate.
Don't speak to her like that.
Oh, engaged already, are we? You broke up with that lemur pretty quick.
Whose heart are you gonna break next week? Some warthogs?
Where you going? I'm at it. No bits. Leave me the money.
Vince. Vince. It's not yours. It is too.
I stole it while you were busy two timing me with a creature from the
black lagoon. I wasn't even one timing you.
We never had a relationship. You're in love with me. Oh, please. You just can't
admit it, can you? You better hand that back if you know what's best for
you.
What century are you from?
Paige, are you insane?
I mean, what is the attraction? For one thing, he likes
animals. Oh, he doesn't just like him. Miss Weston finds
them very attractive. Do you mind? We're trying to have a board meeting here.
We have been delegated by an emergency meeting of the keepers committee.
What emergency? Last night Rod McCain said he might turn us into a golf course.
What? He did not. Yes, he did. I was in the cupboard,
listening. The cupboard? He was too. It's true.
I want your cage cleared by 09:00. What did he say?
I'd like to make five points in a moment. One, this zoo provides
an invaluable amenity in this catchment area. Any attempt
to close it by the end of the month.
Shut up. Not to mention mass protest.
Hey, yo, mouth boy, zip it.
Not to mention mass protests here in Marwood.
You will not shut financial. Shut up.
Secondly, from the conservation point of view, the considerable disruption caused
by the react. I don't believe it. Won't. Have a private
word with Vince while you're getting the police. Okay, Rod. So you're gonna
close the zoo to ride it's way under the 20%.
You realize you're gonna have to shoot the animals, sir?
Well, this is England, mate. We'll get some tame vet
to say they've caught some disgusting disease.
Pity this isn't Texas. Why, we could charge people to do it for
us.
Fifthly. Now remind you it takes at least 18 months to
decommission a zoological facility of this kind. Turn up, Ross shoots. My God,
he's gone mad. What's this? The latest Harvard business school technique, is it shut
up. Or merely an extension of your policy of consultation? You would rather talk
than live, wouldn't you? You won't shoot me. I will. Not with a 7.65 Barretta
34. You won't. Oh, really? Why not? The safety catch is still
on.
What bloody hell's going on here?
Dad, you look great. How you doing?
We're off, you freaks. Who bloody
hell are you? This is Rollo Lee. Oh. Oh,
Mister McCain. I'm about to make five points about the zoo. Go away.
Point one. This.
You mean stealing from me again, Vince?
Stealing? My God,
I've caught you red handed. Oh, that. Oh, I was just putting that back.
See, I borrowed that. Devil's gone to get the police. What? You're going to
jail, Vince. Oh, no, not again,
Mister McCain. Vince will put the money back, I promise. Sorry,
Willa. And I'm gonna have to close the zoo too. What? Why? We're up
to 20%. Oh, we are?
We are. With this. Are you sure? I swear it.
Nearly 25. All right, I'll leave it open, but don't let it drop.
No. Say you won't have me arrested or I'll kill you. Dad.
You won't shoot me. Oh, yes, I will. You haven't got the
guts to shoot your own father. Yes, I do.
Vince, get back.
Go on, then. Go on, you spineless twat.
See, you're no son of mine. Oh, yeah, good idea.
Give us all a good laugh, you wuss. I am not
a wuss. Wuss. Woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh,
wuss, wuss. Oh, God, I hate you. I hate you.
Give me that gun. So I. Mister McCain. It's a Beretta model 34.
You're fired.
During the clip, Rollo somehow accidentally grabs Willow's tit and that sparks
off a makeout session that is clearly interrupted by Vince.
The end of the clip starts a sequence of them panicking with the freshly killed
Rod's body laying there. The dialogue where John Cleese goes ballistic
on Michael Palin's overly loquacious character by piling on
him that has him basically left with nothing to say in
this scenario. Or have no overly winded explanations or any
plan of action. I just love how he just berates him for that
involuntary manslaughter that just took place.
That's my favorite stuff. I didn't clip that. And the main reason
for it is you gotta watch the film to see that because you just have
to experience the whole of it. Because John Cleese's face, the way he delivers those
lines when he's flustered and angry, is just fucking great.
Yeah, it really is good stuff. John Cleese
is always gonna bring,
you know, a certain type of comedy and they're really
typically. It's always gonna elevate a movie.
Well, that vocal beatdown ends with Rod's body disappearing,
and it's because Vince wanted to freeze him. They find Vince trying
to stuff the body into a freezer and get more ice. Upon having Willow
explain how Rod is dead and there is no cure for a bullet to the
head, Vince celebrates to the point of creating a plan
just out of doing his really bad impersonation of his dad,
which is really just Kevin doing a really bad impersonation of
a person from Australia of himself. Yes,
sort of. So they pull off a
sequence of these fakery skills that they were using earlier and making Vince look like
Rod so that they can have the zoo and, you know, somehow get Vince
the money that he's been wanting to inherit. So they
come up with a plan. They get it set up to where? They're going to
do this. And Rod and Vince argue over who gets willow when
that is her choice. And a bunch of fucking bullshit they don't get. Get to
claim a woman. A woman chooses who she wants to be with. That's right.
They tried to pull off their scam in our pent ultimate clip.
All right, everybody, here we are. Let's go. Come on. Come on. We haven't got
much time. I'm not so worried about fooling the police. But what about Neville?
Neville's gonna be tough. If I can get. Oh, my God.
Hello, Neville. Hello. Hello.
Hello, Neville. Excuse me, I'm gonna go have
a slash. Peace. I'll be run.
Hi, great to see you. Hello.
Willa Weston. Chief Superintendent. Chairman Macefield. Sergeant Scott and Sergeant Irving.
Rod will be with you in a moment. I'll be your marmot.
Power. Gets him every time.
Hello, Neville. Hello, Inspector. Mister McCain,
I'd like to introduce you to Inspector Macefield. Good day. Good on you. Good outfit.
Good honor to meet you, Mister McCann. Well, goody. Hello,
Neville. Hello, Rod. I'm Nev. Have you spoken to Vince? I have.
Can we arrest him now, sir? Aha. That'll be necessary.
Vince and I had a long talk between ourselves. It was quite a
martial. You haven't killed him, have you, Rod? Nobody's killed anybody.
I mean that we've had a reconciliation. Isn't it wonderful?
A reconciliation? That's right. Neville. Back,
Neville. So you're not pressing charges, Mister McCain?
On the contrary, inspector, not at all. But I would like
your assistance. I've just made out a new will, and I'd like you gentlemen to
witness it. A new will? Pend down, Neville. It would be a
privilege, Mister McCain. Thank you. What do you mean, and you will?
As a result of my talk with Vince, I've decided to leave octopuse
to him. What holds Phil?
Shut up. Good boy. Good boy. He's a total wanker,
Rod. I won't have you talk about him like that.
Rod, he steals from you. It's only to get the attention that I should
have given him when he was a child. Rod, you can't leave Octopus
to that asshole. That asshole is my son.
I love him. But you're always saying what a complete wuss he is. I am.
Nothing kinda lets you talk about
him in that way.
Are you all right, mate? I'm feeling emotional. What's that?
It's where I keep my Kleenex. He's. He's very depressed now.
Depressed? Isn't it wonderful to see a man get in touch with his feelings.
There's something going on here. Will I. Excuse me, gentlemen.
We need to be alone. Feeling a bit, uh,
suicidal. What? This isn't
like Rod. Psst. Hey. He's in the shed. What? He's in the shed.
Gentlemen, I admit it. I've behaved disgracefully to my son in the past.
I don't know if I can live with myself. So, uh, going to the shed.
Mother always said that when you're naughty, you have to go to the shed.
I've been naughty. God, I'm depressed.
We see the keepers trying to load Rod's body into
the shed as Vince makes his way into the shedden shed as well.
Once again, he's dressed just like Rod. They try to sell Rod,
being sad and screaming about how terrible he has been to Vince
and how guilty he feels about it and how it's making him suicidal. During the
speech, the lemurs get a hold of the gun and are playing with it,
while Willa and Rollo tried desperately to sell this ludicrous
ruse as a reality that is actually happening. The level of
fucking gaslighting they have to do is fucking ridiculous in
this. Yeah, right. It's just in. A fish called
Wanda had this where just. There's always a mixed a dose of gaslighting.
The lemurs delay the selling of Rod shooting himself as the police push
down a lamppost. In an effort to smash the door of the shed down,
the keepers pull some kind of distraction technique that forces the police to
drop the lamppost on their feet. And everyone is scrambling to sell the
ruse in any way as it very quickly falls apart all around
them. A lemur causes the gun to go off when everyone is distracted
and the remaining people flee just in time as the police break down the door
to find the very stage suicide scene of Rod's death.
And that leads to our ultimate.
Oh, no. No, no. Oh. Why were your
men so slow? Sorry. We didn't realize. This isn't Rod McCain.
What? I've spent 15 years working at Octopus, and this
isn't Rod McCann. I was in the garden and I heard a gunshot.
Father. I'm afraid he's dead. No.
Yes. No. No. What? What are you doing?
He shot himself. No. Why?
He wasn't in one of his black moods, was he? He just couldn't live with
what he'd done to you. But I'd forgiven him. No. Oh,
no. Dad. Dad. Dad.
Vince. What? There's something that you should know. What?
He left octopus to you. Oh,
no. So he did love me. After all,
you're fired.
Rolo, there's something I need to ask you. Yeah? It's about sex.
What? Look, I know what you like.
When we first called, you had three women in your bed.
Watch. Remember Mitzi and Susie and Cindy?
Oh. Oh, no.
You had at least four girls in the bathroom.
They were all over you in the cage. No.
Well, and then the other night in the hotel, you let the two girls as
well as the man.
Oh, uh, look, will I.
Look, Rolla, I really like you,
but I was just wondering if one woman
could ever be enough for a Mandev like
you. Oh, what the hell. Let's give it
a try. Well, I have to warn you, Wanda. Willa,
Willa, Willa. I haven't slept with one woman for a very,
very long time. They make out some more and then
they roll those fucking credits. Cinema psyops.
I can see where this is not everybody's cup of tea, this movie. I totally
get that. Yeah. And I'll tell the story once we actually take
the break. So maybe we should just finalize our thoughts on the movie real quick.
What do you think? Again, it was okay,
but I would say, yeah, that's the best way I can put it. It was
okay. That's. I liked
anything John Cleese was great. I like Kevin Klein, even,
but he was kind of hit or miss in this. Anything John Cleese was.
Was a good part of this movie. It was definitely a mistake. I can
say this now, watching it as an adult, to hang a lot of your story
on Kevin Kline playing two characters, one being the father and one
being the son. A lot of the comedy that's supposed to come from the rod
character is really bad. The only reason that I forgive it is he's very clearly
just a parody of Rupert Murdoch. Yes, very much.
More or less so I totally enjoy that. And it makes me
laugh just knowing who they're trying to make fun of, even though they're doing it
very badly. I freely admit that there's tons of flaws in this movie.
There's tons of seams that you can obviously see. But when
you watch it in the frame of the mind that I'm about to discuss in
our story time, none of that matters to you because reality
doesn't matter to you in that frame of mind. Pretty much. All right,
we're going to take a break here. We're going to play a song from 1997
as well as this film was released in. And that's Harvey Danger's flagpole
sitter. And right after that, we'll have a story time.
Sadeena.
All right, so I did have visions, and I was in them because
I was looking into the mirror. Yeah.
And other stuff. Well, I'm just quoting Harvey Danger, by the way.
That is not their best song, even though that is pretty much made them a
one hit wonder. Yeah, that was their most famous song. Yeah. That album
is chock full of songs that I actually really, really enjoy. And they had a
couple with their albums, and they had a final album that they put out not
too long ago that I featured on this podcast as well that I really,
really enjoy. But that's not the thing that I'm supposed to be telling a story
about in our next story time.
Story time.
Story time. Okay, so I think it's 1990,
1997 or 1998. This film obviously
didn't do too well in theaters and immediately went to cable and it was released
to stars and back in this timeframe. 97.
98. I'm pretty sure it was 98. There was
essentially a channel of stars where they played the same movie
over and over again for 24 hours. Like it would be on every couple of
hours. And they rotated four movies a day, I think. So essentially,
they would have a block of four movies that would play every 6 hours.
And this film was one of them. They played fierce creatures.
Well, let's just kind of fast forward and get into it a little bit.
Now, I've been given the phrase that I'm allowed to use from our lawyers here
at the cinema, Psyops labs. So I ingested
what is being referred to as a weapons grade dosage
of a hallucinogen of unknown origin. Okay, you got a
highest fudge. And just as
this weapons grade hallucinogen amount of a
cycle, active substances of unknown origin was
kicking in and visions were starting to happen for me. And, you know, I was
hearing colors and tasting sounds, all that weird shit. Fierce creatures
comes on the tv. Yeah, on this stars channel, because it
plays every, you know, six hour block or whatever. And it just so happens to
be the time for fierce creatures to come on. And I am losing my
mind already. And then I just start focusing in on this movie.
And in that frame of mind, this was the absolute funniest
and most terrifying and weird and just strange film that I had
ever seen. And I can't not remember watching
it in that frame of mind every time I watch it. So it's clouded
by that alone. And when I say. When I say a ridiculous
amount of this hallucinogen of unknown origin,
the people that are aware of the origin of this hallucinogen, when they find
out just how much of it that I had taken the night that I watched
this film, they look at me like there's something wrong with me. And I didn't
want to live at the time, which is kind of true.
I was, like, freshly starting to graduate high school. I saw no hope
in the future where I was growing up. And this hallucinogen
was readily available for reasons that I can't describe, other than it
was just of an unknown origin. And I had a lot of it at the
time. I spent a summer working my ass off and
doing drugs on the weekends of a hard nature of hallucinogenic type
and watching all sorts of different movies and weird shit. And it warped my sense
of humor, it warped my perspective on a lot of different stuff, and it made
me a lot happier. One of the things that helped with that was watching fierce
creatures. Well, on those drugs. There you go. Oh, I mean, excuse me. A weapons
great hallucinogen of unknowns. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My lawyers just
looked at me. Really? Really? We need the lawyers around here.
Yeah, yeah. I had to really make sure that I asked them a lot of
questions about this story before I could tell. They actually didn't want me to tell
it. And as you could hear me being, like, having a hard time
discussing or describing it, they're handing up flashcards at me
right now. So, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's the end of the story. Why don't
we take the break here? We will play the show housekeeping.
And when we come back, also from 1997, the band the living end with
the song prisoner of society. Immediately following this on the pirate radio
edit. If you decided you can't get enough. We realize now that we
have reached you far too late to stop the 10th year of cinema psyops.
There is a small grace period between the 470 and
472nd weeks of the show where your reality may be
saved now that its connection to the bulk membrane of the multiverse
has been severed. We tried to save you the agony of the signal intrusions
in the weeks to come. We have failed you. Not a single moment of
these episodes will go by without every other universe screaming your
attention. While never fully there, the bulk membrane kept your reality
connected to its dimension and universal constants. Your perceptions
of this dimension will fade with time, but echoes of it will intrude upon
you that will hit just like a lifetime of fractured moments,
contradictions and confusion with only a few specks
of time where anything actually makes any sense.
Most of what you will experience will feel like a poorly devised series
of sketches on a dying podcast and can be ignored as such if
you choose to be ignorant. Oh, go ahead and dissociate
from these terrors for just a moment and pretend that all of this is just
a poorly written story told by dimwits. We will wait.
And now let's give you a rundown of the memes and how you're going to
get them through cinema. Psyops. The easiest place to go is to subscribe
to our Instagram feed, which is our main meme
repository at cinema. Feels nice,
doesn't it? If nothing matters, then all the pain and guilt
you feel for making nothing of your life and the absolute terror of your impending
doom drifts away. This anxiety and fear will return with the contradictions
and confusion. Try to distract yourself with nostalgia and
things that made you happy several times a day, every day. And remember to
breathe, as every new discovery from this inter dimensional lifetime
of fractured moments is just a simple reminder.
We are all so small and so utterly stupid in a multiverse
of slow burning fires, dreaming of themselves.
Also, wash your hands and try to stay hydrated while water still exists
in your reality.
Recognize that song at all? Did I not
play enough of it for you before I came in? I guess not.
I don't know. I didn't get that one. Yeah, well, behind the scenes, we got
to get you going so you. You don't get to actually listen to the music
this week. Yeah, pirate radio editor, you'll have to wait for it to be on
the Patreon. I already had to order my Uber.
So we gotta get you the fuck out of here. Which means for everybody else,
kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy
Radiohead with the song Karma police to the best of your ability on the
pirate Radiohead.
Recording in progress. How long do I have before I got to get you out
of here? I'll probably order my Uber in an hour. Oh, yeah, I can get
you out in under an hour. That's fine. No. All right, let's rock and roll.
I won't play the whole of the clip. I'll just. Or the whole of the
opening theme again. I'm just going to go ahead and get started. So.
Three, two, one.
Sadeena.
I already had to order my. Uber, so we gotta get you the
fuck outta here. Which means for everybody else, kick the fuck out of this week
and make it your bitch while you enjoy Radiohead
with the song Karma police. To the best of your ability on the pirate radio.
All right, there we go. And that's all I needed. And I just need
to go ahead and do this. Recording stopped.