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Ryan explores real-life issues through honest conversations with guests. As a pastor with over 20 years of experience, and the Senior Pastor of New Life Church in Witbank, Ryan delves into how a God meets us in our struggles, offering practical insights and transformative stories. It’s engaging, relatable, and aimed at inspiring real change.
Ryan Langkilde 0:00
You don't walk around presenting like a victim who's been beaten down by life, and yet, I've heard your story. I know people who have gone through less than you've gone through and they've come out completely devastated, like their traumas become their identity, they almost become victims. What's a path towards healing? How do I get out of this victim mindset?
Duan Coetzee 0:24
I lost my mind. I started breaking things, I started hurting myself, sure to feel better, and eventually I got to a point where I wanted to commit suicide,
Duan Coetzee 0:36
and God made me there, okay, and he spoke to me the voice he said to me to one, wake up,
Ryan Langkilde 0:59
and welcome back to Real talk, real change with me, your host, Ryan and Kildee and this really is a podcast about having good conversations. It's not really interviews, it's just conversations with real people who have gone through some real things to to learn from their experience and from their walk with God, and sometimes from their struggles, sometimes from their mistakes, and so I've loved these conversations. I'm very glad to be back. It has been a while, and so if you're joining us again, welcome back to this podcast. And today I have a guest I'm very excited about, because I know a bit of a story, and I just know it's going to bless you. But do one. Welcome to Real talk, real change.
Duan Coetzee 1:41
Hey, Ryan, well, thanks for having me on your show. I really appreciate it. I'm very excited to do some real talk with
Ryan Langkilde 1:47
you doing that. Maybe just tell people who don't know you just a snapshot who's doing well.
Duan Coetzee 1:52
Okay, so I am a father of two beautiful boys. I'm a husband, stunning wife, and I'm also a lay counselor at New Life church, and, yeah, I'm also safety manager. Work in safety and risk management and auditing and those kind of things and training as well. Yeah, but
Ryan Langkilde 2:10
doing something that I've appreciated about you, and I think anyone who knows you would appreciate, is you don't walk around presenting like a victim who's been beaten down by life, and yet, I've heard your story. For those of you who want to jump on and hear his story in detail, he's got his own podcast where he shared it. The name of your podcast is humble men in Christ. Yeah, it's humble men of Christ. Yeah, humble men of Christ. So go check it out. Powerful story, and you're gonna hear some of it today. But I know people who have gone through less than you've gone through, and they've come out completely devastated. Like their traumas become their identity, they almost become victims and everything that goes wrong in their life they blame on their past trauma. Yes, like every issue they have, it's because of this and they trauma becomes a excuse. It becomes a crutch for for to sometimes not work, to not work on themselves, to not get out of bed. You know that they they background has become their whole identity, yes, and one thing I really appreciate about you is I knew you for a while before heard your story, and then when hooja story, I was shocked, because I was like, you just presented this kid who's come from this great Christian upbringing and home and a whole family. And so I want to get into that, because I think they can bless people that are in a hard time, or who have had a hard time, and just to maybe get some ideas from you on like, what's a path towards healing? How do I get out of this victim mindset? So let's start right at the beginning, and maybe you can just share a bit of your story, because you did have it pretty rough. How would you explain your childhood to someone
Duan Coetzee 4:05
that's a bit confusing. When I was six years old, I was molested by one of my dad's friends, sure, and they were actually at a bar. Were seeing karaoke and having drinks, and it was a trusted friend. I mean, we used to visit him all the time. There was no issues, yeah, and then he said, No, I can go home with him, because he's got a spare room and we can, I can sleep there, and eventually they can fetch me, you know, when they done. But he was drunk, so we went to his house, and I was lying in bed, and eventually I woke up, and I was like, I realized something's something's happening, and why has this man put me in bed? And why? Like, you know, why is he doing weird stuff with me? You're six. I was six, and did. Thing is, I called out, in my mind, I called out to Jehovah, Jehovah, help me. Jehovah, help me. And you know what happened? Sorry, I'm getting very emotional because it's amazing, and you fell asleep just like that. And I was like, Whoa, sure. I got up and I went to another room, where I locked myself in that room, and that's how God came through for me, the first time that I actually realized God exists. Yeah, you know, that's it.
Ryan Langkilde 5:31
So you had this in the back of your mind, then actually carrying you through all this other stuff.
Duan Coetzee 5:35
You're like, I have no idea that happens to me like that. This is where God met me, you know, like where I was at that moment, at age of six. And actually, yeah, was not graceful, yeah, of course, but Excuse me. Okay. So the thing is, what happened was he did that. He fell asleep. I was able to escape that situation, and God was me. The thing is, the next morning, he just carried on as if nothing happened. He made my parents breakfast. I felt uncomfortable. I just wanted to leave. I tried to, like whisper to my parents like something happened, but I just couldn't get their attention at that moment. So everyone enjoyed breakfast, and then off we went. Did you ever tell them? I told them the car. At first, they didn't want to believe me, because obviously this is a close friend and stuff like that, and yeah, like now you're just making it up. But eventually, I kept on talking to my mom. She believed me, but I don't know what happened after that. What I do know is that there's a bit of a blank there, but I do know that we have, we didn't spend time with him anymore. So, okay, wasn't there?
Ryan Langkilde 6:46
So from that moment, God is real
Duan Coetzee 6:49
to you, oh, like, like, even now, I can still remember exactly, like, it's amazing. It's like a picture in my mind. I can remember exactly how I was lying in the bed, and I looked and I called out to God, sure, like, and how he just went, like, I can't explain it. It's so real to me, still not the fact, not what he did to me. But what was real is how God met me there. Yeah, and I mean, like in my situation, obviously I had my mother, my father, young boy, and I would say, between the age of six and seven, they got divorced. I know most people, actually a lot of my old friends as well, where divorce happened. And you can, you could see the parent they spent the most time with. They turned out a lot like that parent, okay, some of them did not agree. Was because of, you know, the rejection from the other parent on my side. I actually I felt rejected most of the time. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mom was just trying to survive. You know, she was a single parent. She was depressed. She struggled with a lot of things. A lot of things. Been 100 we didn't know about Yeah, and was tough. We were very poor, like very I was a skinny boy, yeah, things just, it was difficult. But eventually my stepdad came in. Well, it was a boyfriend, but I liked him. It was a cool guy.
Speaker 1 8:27
How odd were you when they got married? Well,
Duan Coetzee 8:29
when they got married, I was about, I'd say about nine, okay, I was about nine years old, and I remember actually sitting, you know, I like you so much. I hope you at your funeral one day. And, well, it's not something, is that a compliment? Yeah, that's the thing. And, and, you know, he still says it to me that to this day, you know, because it's actually special, because it means that I will be with you until you die. Okay, yeah, it's not really, I thought it was funny, but it was also serious, yeah? So I was like, I'm accepting you, you know, into my life, yeah? Which was difficult for him, because to gain trust, you know, from a kid who just lost the not lost, but who went through that divorce and all of that kind of stuff. It's not easy for a kid to gain dude, yeah, to to trust someone again, no.
Ryan Langkilde 9:16
So you're almost now in two homes. It sounds like you're living between your mother and father.
Duan Coetzee 9:20
Yeah, you see if the thing is, my, I didn't see my dad for quite a while after they got divorced. Okay? Why? The thing is, I was under the impression that he, he worked away, which wasn't the case. We were told that, but my mom was actually protecting us from him, okay, for some reason I don't, I'm not sure exactly why, but since she had a reason, okay? So the thing is, yeah, okay. After a few months, I would say he actually found us, and he showed up at the door and he was like, hey, you know, I haven't seen him. Where have you been? I was like, hey, like, Where have you been? We thought you were working away. And then, yeah, he started spinning. Stories and all those kind of things. But it was nice to see him well. They were busy with the court case and everything, and eventually, yeah, we started seeing him every second week, but for the whole week, or, like, on weekends, every second week for weekends, yeah, but sometimes he would not show up. Other times, like I would wait for him outside with my bags packed, he would not show up, or he would show up drunk. Or, you know, there was always some kind of thing. Or when he would show up, he would take me go, he would drop me off at his house, and then leave, come back on Sunday. What would you do the whole time at his house? Or, just like, he would lock me into the house, and I would just like, try and keep myself busy with things. Sometimes there wasn't even food in the house, so it was fast the whole weekend, because I couldn't eat, I would drink lots of tea and stuff like that. But that was just the kind of guy he was, because he was more focused on going out with his friends and, you know, getting drunk and other things and so on.
Speaker 1 10:55
But so even when you were there, it wasn't like he was present.
Duan Coetzee 10:57
Yeah, he wasn't, he wasn't present. And eventually, according to luck, I'd say his mindset, I was old enough to go with him. So I was like, 1213, I would be going to clubs with him, because at that age, sure you could go to a club if you had a parent visit, so you could bring your child,
Ryan Langkilde 11:17
oh, into it. World Bank was famous for this. You'd see like, grannies and grandpas in the clubs with their kids sleeping under the table. Yeah, exactly. You're one of those kids. I was one of those.
Duan Coetzee 11:29
But that was that was the case. Eventually it would be like a sip of alcohol here, and a sip of alcohol there, and, you know, like from 12, yeah, well, actually, I was fully drunk at the age of seven already with your parents, knowing dad, my dad, yes, I should actually tell you this, if it's fine. So we that was just after the divorce. Actually happened when I got to see my dad. I think it was actually for my seventh birthday. I was we were on our way to garu city. It was my my dad, my cousin and my older cousin and my brother and some girls food girls in the car as well, because they always had girls with them. So while we were driving to Galu city. So in Figure nothing. We were living for Europe, and that's about an hour away from gallery city. They had this half Jack club drift, I think. And for those who don't know what clip drift is, Brandy, started giving me sips of it, but I was so strong. And they kept on saying that if you want to be a man, take a sip. If you want to be a man, take a sip. And I kept on taking a sip because I want to be a man. Eventually, I started feeling funny, and by the time we arrived at Gold rift city, the ball was done well, and I fell out of the car. And seven, at age of seven, my dad was like, What's going on with you? Because he was driving, and I was like, no, no. I mean, this stuff made me feel weird or whatever. And he's like, no, no, get up. Get up. You're embarrassing. I'm like, No, I can't, I can't get up. So there's this, there's that you have to walk up to get to, get to, you know, where we have to pay and stuff like that. And so I was climbing like a dog, wow. So I can get up there and just get up, get up here and balancing me. So I was like, I can't do this. So eventually I would get on, get to the top. And I'm like, Okay, what now? He's like, No, we're gonna go to this place, and it was the casino. Here's some money, go and do something. So he left me with my brother. So now my brother had to deal with this drunk kid. You know, how old
Ryan Langkilde 13:29
is your brother? He's three years older than me, Okay, same, 10 year old looking after a drunk seven year old brother.
Duan Coetzee 13:33
Yeah, imagine so one of the girls stayed with us, so she was just looking after us. I think she felt bad. But then we went, and then, you know, those, those, I don't know when you call them, those bicycles with the big wheels in the front, small wheels in the back. So my dad came and he said, listen, get one of those things and go ride around. Is there was then Randall. I was like, No, I can't do this now. Like, I'm not, so just get on the thing. So I'm like, Okay, I'll do it. Got on to that thing. I think I just fell over, and I hit my nose on the ground, and it was open, like, everywhere. And, yeah, I don't know. Then he grabbed me by the army. It's like, come sit down, yeah? So he checked my nose, put some stuff on it. And, yeah, I don't know. Eventually I just went to go take a nap in the car. That was the first time I was actually drunk.
Ryan Langkilde 14:22
Wow, yeah. So when you went to his house every second weekend, he didn't seem to have an issue with you being alone with you, drinking with you, not having food, no. So the thing is, he used to what he used to do is he used to rent the PlayStation because we could rent Playstations those times from blockbuster. Yeah, that's it. So showing our age now.
Duan Coetzee 14:42
So we used to rent the stuff. This was quite cheap. And, I mean, at that point you were still single, so he had thought, I need to do things, you know. And so he would rent the thing, and he would make sure it's there when I arrive. And then he would leave me sometimes there would be food. Other times there wouldn't be food. Otherwise. Other times there would be, like, salad stuff, like, you know, tomatoes and latest and whatever. So I'll make a salad. I used to eat a lot of salad, but, yeah, that was basically in other times they would be, like, it was like, month end, we like, payday, and there's always food, then you'd be fine. Other times I would just eat cookies. It's in the cover. It was fine with that. Eventually, I just said to him, like, Listen, you keep on leaving me. You come and fetch me on a Sunday and take me home. Like, I actually want to spend some time with you. Then he was like, Okay, no, no, let me take you with me. Then okay, so then it transitioned from being alone at home now with him, to going with him, which was probably worse. It's introduced me to all different world now. Okay, something that I was not used to,
Ryan Langkilde 15:45
yeah, some kids so like, what kind of things were you being exposed to?
Duan Coetzee 15:50
Well, okay, so obviously a lot of drinking, that was definitely one of the drugs as well.
Speaker 1 15:59
Was your dad doing drugs, yeah,
Duan Coetzee 16:01
okay, at that point, I don't know I remember. What I do remember is I remember the name of the stuff, and I remember what they used to do with it. You know, it was a white powder and stuff like that. But they always told me, No, this is not drugs. We're taking it for energy. Okay, so. But obviously, as I grew up, I knew because, yeah, use it myself eventually, but I didn't know that time. I was just like, okay, they're just taking that stuff again for energy, you know. And, yeah, but it was jokes. So I saw them using these things for energy the whole time. And they used to go up, and they used to party until late, you know, early morning. Lots of fights, you know, in clubs, blood everywhere. How they break balls over each other's heads. Sometimes they get used, you know, pull sticks and hit each other with those things. How he gets thrown out of bars sometimes. And I'm stuck in the bar with him outside, him driving drunk, spinning and throwing donuts with the car. And, you know, sometimes it hits the paving goes like this, and I'm sitting at the back, you know, holding on
Ryan Langkilde 17:03
my word was not, in a way, sometimes that you that you were even in the club, I think
Duan Coetzee 17:07
he Yeah, well, he knew I was there, but he got okay. So I saw all of these kind of things. Eventually it got to a place where he would take me to other people's houses. So there was other things that happened with open doors. You know, like, you would have sex with females, and there would be open doors. I'd be, I'd see those kind of things. And then you, you were watching, well, I would, I would see it. Then I'll be like, Okay, that's what they're doing, and I'll walk away. Wow. So those are the kind of
Ryan Langkilde 17:34
things that's kind of like weird to not even have an awareness that your kids in the other room,
Duan Coetzee 17:39
yeah, close the door. That's fine. He didn't really care. Care about those things. He just he wanted to do what he wanted to do, you know. And that's good, like, something that he really like. He didn't think of of my kid's business, you know? Yeah. I mean, there was other times, like, he would drop it off at some people's houses. And I wouldn't say it's not the best people, it's like the things I experienced there was even worse. I mean, they had, like, hardcore porn on the TV continuously, like running, like, it's nothing, you know, like your dad would go, know this and leave you there, yeah? Like, you know, like, when, when your kid watches YouTube all day and, you know, it's just YouTube running, just like that. Just born. I mean, what does that must do to your teenage brain. Oh, I was, I was younger than that. I mean, that was already from the age of seven as well.
Ryan Langkilde 18:26
Oh, this is before you even, like, understand sex. I was already
Duan Coetzee 18:30
exposed to Article porn, to sexual things, all of those kind of things at that age already seven. I mean, I found these hustlers and stuff like that in, you know, in his room, and I just go through it without, you know, this is our female Nixon, and that's, sounds weird, but never saying this, because, yeah, not really something you want to say in public. And if it gets listening, yeah, don't look up those books kids, no, away from him.
Ryan Langkilde 18:57
Well, the scary thing is, now you don't need books. Yeah? Oh, that's everywhere and everyone's
Duan Coetzee 19:01
pockets are scary. Yeah, the thing is, so like in my my one uncle, he passed away, so it was actually bad, because he used to be very aggressive when he got drunk. Is this your dad's brother? My dad's brother? So my dad used to drop me off day so that he doesn't have to do with me because he needed to go and do stuff. Sometimes he would also, if he had if he had to work on a weekend, he'll go drop you off my uncle's house, and they'll leave, they'll be there all day. Wow, I got used to abuse my cousin. Is to abuse my cousin, like badly, like physically abuse, physically abusing. I used to watch them do that. And sometimes I would run and lock myself into the bathroom, and then, you know, just pray that nothing happens to me. Other times, my uncle would stuck, you know, he would also have sex with people, and I'll be like around as well, and there was no door. It was like a curtain that closed between the lounge and their room. So, you know, I. You're exposed to those kind of
Ryan Langkilde 20:01
things, it's also weird, like, just, you know, it's so far removed from most of our reality in these homes, because you would think even the woman that they're engaging with would have a problem with the kids seeing, yeah, but it's like, there's almost like, such a depraved community there. Yeah? That sex is like the language, you know, they
Duan Coetzee 20:22
The thing is, they were different. It's, it's, I think most of the females were scared, actually, okay, they were abused by them as well. Sure, not my dad. One thing I know, or maybe I don't, I don't know, but what I know, okay, I don't know. Are any other stories, but I know he never abused a woman, okay, that's from my knowledge. And he was always like, a very charming, yeah, okay, you know how to get warm, bit of a Casanova, yeah? Like Casanova. It was like that. So in so I learned a lot of things now to respect woman from you sure, it wasn't the right kind of respect because it had a different intention or motive, you know, but knowing how to run a bath for a female, or, you know, making a tea or food or stuff like that.
Speaker 1 21:08
Yeah, interesting lessons to learn. Yeah, when you're just so young already,
Duan Coetzee 21:11
yes, yes, I knew those things. But then, from, from certain some of my uncles, I saw bad things out to abuse a woman, sure, I'll beat her up, out to, you know, all those kind of things you saw it. Did he ever abuse you? So my dad himself, he didn't. I didn't like his abuse,
Ryan Langkilde 21:33
though, yeah, but I'm like the jungle ever made his hand on you?
Duan Coetzee 21:38
Yeah? He did. He did wasn't a handles. I was I was quite actually, okay, yeah, so, so we were in so some of my cousins were in the backyard, and it was this all part of grass and stuff like that. So they were smoking at the age of 11. So they were, like, smoking cigarettes and stuff. But I was, I just went to go check what they were doing. I wasn't actually part of this that day. I did smoke that age sometimes, but I didn't like do anything with them at that day. So what happened was my my cousin, he led the match Okay, and he threw it into that pile of cross, not thinking, okay, need to obviously let the flame die before I can Wow. Chuck the thing, that whole pile of grass took fire, and it was a massive fire, a massive fire. And I went to go call my dad and said, Listen, there's a fire. You need to come they, they did those pipes, and they started like trying to kill, extinguish the fire, and it didn't work. So eventually my uncle showed that same uncle. They killed the fire. Okay, came with a spot, and he's, like, all of you in the row now, yeah, and he just went crazy on us with that as well. Doesn't matter where, like, over your back, over your legs. Just hit us with that as well. And my dad's the daily watching. And I was like, why are you not protecting me? I didn't do anything wrong, yeah? Just like that. So that's, that's where I found more I don't really care about being hit with a host by the thing that hurt me more was that my dad didn't do anything. Yeah, that's rough, yeah? So that's, that's what happened with that
Ryan Langkilde 23:21
I did that behavior as you're going through your teenage life now. Did you ever see your dad trying to improve and get out of that, or did things get worse?
Duan Coetzee 23:32
Yeah, so he did. I actually after that scenario, um, he was like, Okay, we need to start spending next time with him. Okay, so let's do other things. So we would go out of town and do other things with other friends, and it was the same kind of stuff, you know, the sex and the drugs and the alcohol and the gloves and those kind of things, fighting stuff like that. It was a thing so that that was a just a pattern that never really ended.
Ryan Langkilde 23:58
Yeah, I mean, and no one. I mean, when you in that kind of community, you I would think you would be in a lot of danger, yourself
Duan Coetzee 24:07
to be abused, yeah, I mean that that kind of community, it was, I don't know, it was completely different. I call it the ghetto. It's like, okay, because we, you know, we, when I was younger, my cousins and I, we were part of a little gang with some other friends and stuff. We used to do a lot of bad things. I mentioned in my podcast that we were the broken kids, you know, that that just wanted to be, I think, like, do stuff and just get away from that, like, damage that it's been caused continuously by our parents and uncles and whatever. They were a lot more abused than I was. And sure. I mean, some of them were like, Yeah, I just feel sorry for them. One of my cousins passed away at age of 20, so you. Had some kind of disease or something, I don't know, but, yeah, the other one, I'm not really sure where he has got, he was messed up.
Speaker 1 25:08
So you're doing actual gang, yeah? So behavior,
Duan Coetzee 25:13
we used to vandalize a lot of things that we used to I've mentioned this to you before. Once we actually, we were the kids that used to vandalize the churches and stuff like that. And the one time we would we actually vandalized the church. I left because the weekend was done and I went to my parents. When I came back after two weeks, I went, I went to my mom's house. When I came back to my dad's place. After two weeks, I found out that two of our friends that actually went back to the church broke in and stole a bunch of stuff, were caught. They went to Boys Town. So yeah, it's that gave me a bit of a fright, yeah. And I was like, Yo, okay, we like, we need to think about what we're doing, yeah,
Ryan Langkilde 26:05
what it's doing for me, though, as I'm hearing your story, is giving me a little bit of sympathy for those difficult kids. Yeah, because, you know, we do know kids that are very rebellious and they destroy things, and they maybe in gangs and they vandalize and they swear and they but it's giving some context to like, what's going on in their kids life for that to happen. Yeah, because they almost need that release. Yeah, because of their their home and what they're living through.
Duan Coetzee 26:39
No exactly, that's, exactly this. Thing is you have so much on the inside that's happening. I mean, it's like, if you, if you take a book and you just, like, take a pen and just worry about scrabble on it, yeah, that's how it feels inside the altar. Sure, it's confused. It's like, you confused. You don't know what, what? If you're happy, if you're sad, if you're like, it's, everything is just so confusing. The halter, you know, it's, it's just a ball of emotions, but it's, it's not really ever any good emotions, you know. And there's a little bit of hope sometimes, when you meet someone that's good and and they nice to you and kind to you, but it doesn't matter, because you're like, you're gonna disappoint me anyways, just like everyone else does, you know? I mean, I love to disappoint me continuously, sure, and they did as well. Yeah, they didn't know what it was to to find joy, you know, so that we would try and find joy in the smallest things. So we would also, and it would be fleeting, yeah? You know, it would not, it would not be lasting at all. Yeah, there's no way. I mean,
Ryan Langkilde 27:45
so now, I mean, you're 1213, as you becoming a bit more of a man. Is your dad treating you differently? We moved okay?
Duan Coetzee 27:53
My stepdad, especially my mom and I said that got married and they had another child. My sister, she's awesome. Now, we had an extra kid in the house. Didn't have much money, so my mom didn't even have a car. She borrowed a car from someone. Sometimes the car died close to school, like she couldn't eventually be walked, you know, because we didn't want to push out the car in front of the school. Because the rich kids used to make fun of us and and sometimes I got bullied by them as well. This one, there's one time the kid said, he said, Come here, come here. I'm like, What's up? So we were gonna play antennas, or you guys anttiness, like, kiss my shoe. So I'm like, hey, now I'm not doing that. He's like, kiss my shoe. So I said, No. And someone grabbed me by the back of my neck and pushed me down, and he kicked me in my face, yo. And he's like, that's where you belong. And I was like, Whoa, this is not cool, you know. So I left. I just couldn't deal with that, you know, yeah, because I was like, I felt like, this is where I belong.
Ryan Langkilde 28:51
But I mean, everything in your life is telling you that, yeah, like, all your circumstances, yeah, both your households,
Duan Coetzee 28:57
yeah, that's it, and things I didn't want to belong there. I mean, that was at the age of, what? Age of 12, actually? No, yeah, 12. It was just before we left. So my dad got, my stepdad got a better job in whitbank. That's when we moved outside. Yeah, to the
Ryan Langkilde 29:13
Promised Land. Whoever was listening exactly
Duan Coetzee 29:16
good, except in whitbank. Yeah, definitely. I say this is, this has been, my life changed completely. Yeah, mine too, man, it's amazing.
Ryan Langkilde 29:23
And, yeah, it's a lot of bad press. Yeah, I think, like, there's a bad reputation of it, but there's good people here.
Duan Coetzee 29:30
Oh, listen, all, all towns or cities have their bad areas. And yeah, bad people. That's just how it is. But you can always find goodness if you look for it. Yeah, this is how it is. And so when you moved here, like, what, what did you feel changed? We were struggling a lot. We were very poor. There were times that I didn't have lunch at school. So I would go to, you know, where they, like, give free lunch to people three keys, so I get food there. But that's also, like, embarrassing. Then people would see it. And then, with. Make fun of you and stuff like that, to hearing that. But I had some, I had some really good friends there as well, one or two good friends and and we used to make a plan together, like, I'll bring the juice, you know, like, you can get sweeter and water mix together. I'll bring juice and you'll bring some. So they will help each other out like that. So friends, I mean, you get some good friends out there that really helps you. Yeah, that was my mom's side. Went back to my dad at age of 14, he started teaching me how to drive because he needed it. He needed a what do you call it? Chauffeur? Chauffeur, yeah, for when he was John. Okay, that was one of those things, teaching me how to drive. It was nice and stuff. I mean, I felt cool and everything. But also, now you're smoking weed, you're smoking cigarettes. He was doing drugs, all kinds of stuff, all kinds of stuff. By that time, I was 1516, is he pulling you into that stuff? Yeah, he started blew me into those things. Yeah, I already started smoking weed with him by age of 40, sure, we would say, No, no, don't worry about it. Makes you calm, Minister, Minister, don't worry about it. So just give me a little pull over azol, or whatever you want to call it, and you'll be like, No, that's fine. Don't worry about it. And I would say that was only now and then. So you started just like introducing it to me, you know, like, the same with the alcohols and the piano slip there, that kind of thing. But after his divorce, the second divorce, it got worse. He didn't care about that anymore. He was shocked. Hey, there you go. There's some weed, there's a bong. Do your thing, you know, eventually it was other stuff as well. So I he would have parties at his house, and there would be lines of white powder on whatever there. And a note, depends what load then ran down a drain. Doesn't matter. You can anyone can go into the bathroom and just snuff it out. Sure. So I would go, just like a take a bee, and I'd be like, Oh, well, there's some lines in there. I'll be going over that. There's still two lines in the mirror day. Whose is this? You know, it's like it was normal, yeah. So eventually I was one of those people who started taking the lines the weed and, you know, like didn't matter anymore, yeah. But also I was I was lost. I was lost because I followed that kind of example. I wanted to be more like him so I can embrace him. Okay, you know, it was all about trying to be like him, because then he'll see me, you know, he'll notice me. If I can do this stuff that he does then, then maybe we'll be closer, you know, I started eventually looking for those kind of friends at my mom's, like, in remote bank where my mom lived. I was looking for those kind of friends that did those kind of things so I could scroll closer to my dad, you know. So I found those ones who did the drugs, the ones who did the weed and stuff like that. Eventually I started selling at school as well. I would get it from my dad. I would go to like, he'll give me some like, enough to sell them. I'd go to school and I would sell there,
Speaker 1 33:16
and then get the money back to them. I'll use it myself.
Duan Coetzee 33:19
Oh, well, okay, some of the money, I would obviously keep the low version of pocket money, yeah, it's what we usually, what we usually did, actually, with some of the money, with with go for whatever I wanted. I could use it to go drink. I could use it to do something, or what I would do with it also, as I would use it for, for a bus ticket, to be able to go and see him again. Okay, so because I used to travel on bus, yeah, and that was just the easiest way to get to because we couldn't, like, drive all the way it's two hours away. So yeah, bus was just easier. So sometimes that money would go for bus tickets. My mom never knew about it. She never knew I actually had money. She never knew I actually saw these things at school, but that was, it wasn't a lot of money. It was actually, it was just like dinner and for a banking or whatever, you know, it's like, but yeah, it added up eventually. So that was the case, but eventually it got to a place where I met Jesus. Okay? I mean, I knew God existed. I knew there was a God. I mean, we were Jehovah's Witnesses. When I was a young boy, I had a different view of Jesus, but I didn't actually speak to Jesus at all.
Ryan Langkilde 34:38
So later on, how do you find Jesus? When my stepdad came
Duan Coetzee 34:41
into our lives, he actually started introducing us to Jesus. Well, I don't not my mom, but us, actually, I think she already knew. So we started going to a different church, where they were clapping hands and singing and praying in tongues. And we were like, What the heck. The thought is, like, Yeah, happy clappy, yeah. My brother made fun of them, and he was like, Why are these people speaking in different language? And, yeah, that was all weird, you know. But I enjoyed it. I was like, this is alive, you know, it's fun. Enjoy clapping hands and stuff. I was still struggling a bit with, you know, my personality and but introverted and stuff. But I heard a lot about Jesus from the church, and then also from my parents, and yeah. So I was like, okay, so this Jesus is is actually God's Son. And okay, so this Jesus is actually God, because that is how he squared and, and this is, you know, to be at stuff. But I didn't understand it, but I knew, Okay, there was, there was a Jesus, but Jesus wasn't the Archangel Michael. Jesus was actually God, the Son of God, yeah, Son of God. And he was the Word of God, and he was, you know, the word in the flesh. And I was like, Whoa, yeah. Okay, so I was, I was interested. I started, I started showing more interest in that. So got to a place in my life where I started praying to Jesus, but I felt guilty. How weird is that? It's like, okay, I've been praying to Jehovah because I prayed as a young boy. I prayed that they felt dead and and I always used to speak to Jehovah whenever I felt uncomfortable, when I was booted, and everything I was I used to speak to Jehovah because I'm always just, you could speak to have a speech over, you know, speak Jehovah. So I would do that. But then I started talking to Jesus. And now I'm sitting and I'm like, I remember I was like, God, I'm sorry that. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right, but I'm sorry if SPEAKING TO JESUS is wrong. But like, I'm being told I'm supposed to do this now, but yeah, like it feel doesn't feel right to me. So Jesus, you know, like, Hey, son of God, and I started speaking, in eventually, that weird feeling of of guilt went away, okay, I think it was more my flesh. It was like fighting, because it was used to something different, yeah, you know, God was brought up in it, in that way. But I also had a different view of God. I my view of God was, it was a punisher. You know, it was the Punisher. Okay? So I was especially where we loved and, you know, great grandparents. And I think, I don't know if it was, I don't know if it's like that, but I thought it was a very Afrikaans thing. I'm actually Afrikaans that, you know, it's like, I'm gonna, I'll translate it. But they always said, like, God's gonna punish you, you know, God's gonna punish you every time you did something naughty. That's what you would hear. God's gonna punish you, you know. And even in school, it was a thing, like we used to pray in the mornings and read Bible. There was Bible time everything. But whenever you did something naughty, teachable time, God's gonna punish you, sure. So in my mind, it was always this thing of God's The Punisher, Punisher. So whenever I do something wrong, no, okay, God's gonna punish me. I need to be careful. So whenever something went wrong in your life, it was God's punishment.
Ryan Langkilde 38:12
I'm sure they must create a bit of distance between you and God, because God's not like that doesn't make God attractive. Yeah, you don't want to be in God's presence. Yes, when like, He's the judge and the Punisher the whole time.
Duan Coetzee 38:23
Exactly. The thing is that your relationship exists out of apologies continuously shows like yours, because this is saying sorry to God for doing wrong things.
Ryan Langkilde 38:30
So then, how's it working? I mean, so you're trying to then do the right things, but then you're going to your dad sometimes, is he still pulling you into those wrong things. Yeah, look so
Duan Coetzee 38:43
I found, I found Jesus, like, actually, around the age of, I think between 1516 has been I actually started joining the youth we gave us nine wetbank. We moved to New doxa. Part of the Youth Day was awesome, awesome people. There was a pastor, a youth pastor there I really have a lot of respect for taught me a lot of things. And he just it was always like a mentor to me as well. And yeah, so with that, and then we were also part of extreme buddies. I don't know if you Yeah. So we had a youth group at extreme buddies. We there were also some, some of the old people that used to be druggies that came, and they were part of our group day, okay? And we used to be there every Wednesday night, and then obviously that at youth church on Friday night. And I think that's where I started. My relationship with Jesus started growing stronger and stronger. I got baptized. And so so I got baptized, and yeah, eventually my mom was so proud of me. I mean, they were actually really pushing me to grow relationship with. With God. And, yeah, the thing is, okay, awesome. I got baptized. Great relationship with Jesus. I was part of this youth group, and we would did awesome things. I mean, we used to pray for people. We used to I preached. And actually, also it's not my confidence, yeah, or confidence. So sometimes in the youth I would be chosen as one, so I prepared a, oh, you know, sermon for 20 minutes, whatever. And I used to do that, pray over people, prophesy over people. I got gifts. I prayed in tongues. So many things I can't explain. Three prophets prophesied over me in different times that I'm going to become a prophet and eventually, that actually happened. It's not something that I practice often. But yeah, God uses the gifts with me, like when he needs the Yeah, yeah, anyways, but yeah, it already started happening at that time. I was baptized in every spirit. I fell into our spirit. I was in the ground, I was out, sure, like, for like half an hour or something, and I got up, I even the dream, just like, amazing. I felt like I visited. Even felt the love of Jesus. It was amazing. Got up, then I was like, this is Jesus. This is culture. This is this is now the person that I yeah, this the person that I've been looking for my life. You know that? But the problem was that I still had an earthly father that I needed to go to. Went back there and and I was like, full of Jesus. They mocked me. They persecuted me. They used to, I can't explain it, like I reached a point where my faith felt like nothing, sure. And I was like, Okay, well, I'll just go back to what I used to do, use drugs, you know, got drunk with all these kind of things. That was the age of 16. But age of 16, I think it was, it was my birthday. My dad actually said it was time for you to grow up now, you know, becoming a man. So he got some prostitutes, and he's like, okay, come it's time for you to be a man. Now, your dad bought you prostitutes. Yeah, no, you organized them. Bought them. We paid for them, whatever. Yeah, they were they says, like, it's time for you to be a man. Are you? Like, yeah, do what you need to do. They were having sex with them, like, with an open door and stuff like, there was orgies and stuff like that happening. Lots of drugs, lots of who's there? Just your dad and his friends. Yeah, all dad and his friends and yeah. So it was, it was crazy that day. I was, I was like, Okay, it's confusing. My spirit is fighting this, you know, I'm like, I don't know what to do, but also I don't want to disappoint my dad. Because the thing is, my identity was not in Christ. My identity was actually in my dad. I was like, I wanted to be like him. Was like, I tried to be like I was chasing after indoor time. So I was chasing after the wrong father, and I can say out there, and yeah, basically got on on me, and she was like, wanting to do stuff and and I was loved, so I threw it off me. I left, I went out, I grabbed some weed and went to fields, and I just got high in the field there. And I know it's funny, because you don't want to have sex with this, but go and get high. But I obviously with the whole thing of me watching porn from young age and stuff like that, I became addicted to porn, sure. So I was like, sex was, to me, was like, just another thing, you know, but the cravings will be there, stuff like that. The I mean, porn, you keep on watching porn, it doesn't stay there. Yeah, it's not enough for you, you know. But now, with this lady that got onto me and stuff like that, I experienced something different, and eventually it triggered some something in me, you know, I was like, I want more. I don't just want porn. I want one more. So I didn't just stay like that, yeah, fine. At that moment, I was like, okay, like, I can't do this, but, and I felt lost. I mean, the funny thing is, isn't it just, I just want to say this. When I went to that field and I got high there, I got up and I walked and I didn't know where I was at all. I was like, I was lost completely. And I said to myself, you lost. You lost. Like, I didn't know where I was,
Ryan Langkilde 44:24
but the thing, how was your dad respond to you not taking his gift?
Duan Coetzee 44:31
He didn't know all right, because he was having sex with someone else, okay at that moment. So I was like, Okay. When he asked me, he asked me the next day, like, what happened? I was like, No, I couldn't do it. I was dying. So some of the friends that were there, they started when they started going at me, like, called me names and stuff like that, and mocking me because I didn't do anything. I remember that now, not my dad. He didn't say he didn't say much, but they did. But I think he didn't really, I don't think you
Ryan Langkilde 45:03
wonder how much, in your dad's mind, he was just trying to feel better about himself, yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. The more he can just get you in on it, yeah. Then it almost doesn't make him feel
Duan Coetzee 45:12
too bad. And I think that was also the thing was me changing, walking there and like, being a Jesus follower now, and I've been praying for people, and it's almost like it's their sin. Feels more exposed, you know? Yeah, exposed.
Ryan Langkilde 45:25
What happens when you become a light, yeah? Room, yeah. Now people can start seeing their flaws, because you switch the light on, yeah, and then people like to switch that light off, like, Yeah, we don't need to see this exactly so, so do you want? Like, there's so much just trauma and toxic culture and sin and debauchery, and how did you get through that? And you had this relationship with Jesus, but how did you get through life now without blaming God and saying because this is what I see people with a similar upbringing to you had parents that maybe didn't always do the best job, or have had sexual abuse or been exposed to things and drugs and gang violence. A lot of those people, almost they they're just angry with God, like, let's say first they defaulted, like, if there was a if there was a God, then where was he, you know, yeah, and why did he let this happen to me? So what have you done with that anger? Have you ever felt that? And how do you deal with it?
Duan Coetzee 46:32
Look, I, I was, I was never angry at God, never. I had a special place master God since that day that he would say to me, you know, yeah, so, so that's probably where it happened. Why I didn't turn Yeah, blame, because you, you
Ryan Langkilde 46:49
did see God save
Duan Coetzee 46:50
you, yeah, and not just then, actually, many, many other times. I mean, when my dad sent me to drug dealers, for instance, to go and buy drugs, and I had to go into those houses with the guys, the guns and stuff like that, I prayed and I asked God to protect me, and he was there every there were so many moments in my life, even with me sinning and chasing after sin, where God was there. And yeah, I mean, I did the bad things, but he never left me, sure he was always there. So I was like, I was like, chasing after sin. But it's almost like God kept on holding on to me, like wherever I went, even when I was high, when I like, when I did this. This one day, I was like, I was, I was 18, and other drugs with some other guys, and I thought it was weed, but it wasn't. It was rocks. And I started seeing evil spirits and stuff on people, through people. And it was I went insane. It was this crazy. I was exposed to all different dimensions. I can't see those kind of things from a younger age already. But you know what happened is that even there, I knew God was with me, because being exposed to those things and seeing what I saw, I still also felt safe. Yeah, no, but also you get paranoid and you freak out and stuff like that. But I never got to a point where I actually got addicted to drugs, showing so many, so many, I mean, so many occasions I did it, but I never actually got addicted to drugs. Yeah, the only thing I actually think I got addicted to was alcohol, but they came at a changing point in my life where God just kept them talking to me like you cannot carry on like this. You need to change. You cannot go on like this. Stop chasing off a sudden. I need you. I need to work in my kingdom and stuff like that. And so I was running on guilt the whole time. And eventually it was just I crashed because I was already in my 20s, still doing things like this, and my life started falling apart, you know. I was in bad relationships. I was doing bad things, you know? I was going from one place to another, drinking, fighting. I was becoming like my dad, okay,
Ryan Langkilde 49:09
so in your 20s, even though you had met Jesus like as a teenager and had some real experiences, you're still living from that. Basically, what I see happening with most people is where they become their trauma. Their trauma becomes their DSD, yeah, exactly so, how did you break free from that?
Duan Coetzee 49:27
I had to surrender. The thing is, I went for some for some like, you know, wise counsel, some pastors. I went to see them, and I wanted to do better in my life. I wanted to be a better person. I saw my life falling apart. There were people there for me. They, you know, prayed for me, and my granny was one of them, actually, I think, like her, my mom and my stepdad, they were like the people that supported me most. And. My journey.
Ryan Langkilde 50:00
Shout out to all the family members who pray, yeah, yeah. And three people underestimate
Duan Coetzee 50:05
that definitely, yeah. Some good friends. I had some good friends from from high school as well. So I learned a lot more, you know, about the journey with God, and that's something I can look back at now and say, okay, you know, especially with my parents, my granny, they they created a good foundation for me. So when I was in my 20s and I was struggling, and I started falling, that's a foundation I could fall back onto, I think, if it wasn't for them. Yeah, we had our issues, and now stuff, and my mom and now we used to fight like cats and dogs, and sometimes my stab that as well, because I became rebel. I couldn't, I couldn't hide this identity that I had anymore. I mean, it started showing okay. So I lost my mind, you know. I started breaking things. I started hurting myself, sure to feel better, because hurting myself as was this painless was good, nice, you know, and eventually I got to a point where I wanted to commit suicide, and God made me there. Okay. He spoke to me the voice. He said to me to one, wake up. So he said, wake up. I was like, what I heard a voice like, literally, a voice, sure, like what? And I heard again, wake up. And did that call wasn't a wake up, a wake up call for my flesh to wake up or for me to wake up from sleep. It was my spirit to wake up. He called my spirit to wake up. It's time to wake up. And I was like, God, I'm lost. What am I doing? So I said, okay, it's fine. I can see you're showing me on turning out like my dad. I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to stop. So eventually I took, I took a break. And, yeah, okay, there's a lot of things that happens. People can go and listen to my to my testimony, my podcast, yeah, I'm not gonna mention everything now, but basically what happened, I had to surrender to God, to to become a new person. So I did. I started surrendering a few things. I started surrendering the porn addiction. I started surrendering the, you know, the drugs. I started surrendering, you know, the things that I spent my time with, the music, I listened to, everything. I just gave it to God, and I started changing in those parts of my life. Sure, I overcame the porn addiction, I overcame the drugs, overcame so many things, even my speech started changing. The way I spoke, I didn't swear, I didn't scream, was more attractive, you know, and the way I spoke to people, my patients got more, my humility got more, you know, less pride. And I started seeing these changes in me, but it was still something that I held on to, couldn't let go of that was drinking alcohol like it meant that I had to get rid of my friends. It meant that I had to stop partying and stuff like that. Because the thing is, I wasn't a confident person at all. I was I was an introvert. I was scared most of the time, actually, but when I drank and I was drunk. I was full of confidence. I used to make jokes and make people laugh and all of these things. I was scared to look after that, because what am I going to become now? And I'm not a confident you actually without that, yeah. Eventually got to a point 2002 1016 I think, December, I was invited to a year in function with some friends, and we had a great day and everything. And just before and I said to God icon, because a lot of bad things happened while I was drunk, I had a bad experience. Woke up one morning, and I felt like I was beating up. My whole house was a mess. My couch was flipped over. My Sure. My car was like, I don't know I drove into something. I don't know how I got home. I have no idea. I can't remember. Couldn't remember a thing. So I was like, after that, I was like, Damn man, God has been working with me. It's been changing me the whole time. He's been transforming me. But look at what I'm doing with my life. I can't do this anymore. I just said, God, please, I don't want to turn out like my dad. So he did. I went and I bought, bought a bottle of whiskey for that January after for that new year, and I poured my first drink with it didn't taste the same to beer is like. This is not nice. This is gross. Doesn't taste as pleasant as always. That one drink I had for the whole night, and eventually finished it off and. The fireworks went off and everything, and it was done. I went to bed. I wasn't drunk. Went to bed, okay, that brought all the way to someone else. I left. That was
Speaker 1 55:09
the last time I drank. Wow. In 2016
Duan Coetzee 55:13
Yeah, yeah. So in 2017 Wow, yeah. I think that was it. And that was the last time God just took her away from me completely, wow. After, I don't know how many years, from the age of 30, I
Ryan Langkilde 55:27
love how you've seen God just supernaturally come through in your life, Don because I think that's going to encourage some people who are stuck, because some people can, you know, can get really stuck in that. But a word that you've mentioned a few times now is identity. I know you also, even on your own podcast, has spoken about this, but maybe share about where should your identity be and and why does it help when you put your identity in the right place? Why does that help?
Duan Coetzee 55:55
So you know lot of us don't even know that our identity isn't where it should be. You can put your identity
Duan Coetzee 56:07
in sport. You can put your identity in those achievements. You can put your identity in your business. You can put your identity in so many different things,
Ryan Langkilde 56:15
even in trauma. You can put your story in your child, yeah, yeah.
Duan Coetzee 56:19
And everything was like, when it's rooted in that your your identity is rooted in those things, maybe the fear of failure, or maybe in your sports, or maybe whenever you fail in that, you're going to feel like a complete failure, you know? And I mean, that's not an accurate way to live your life. When your identity is rooted in Christ, it's like, bad things happen. It's fine, and you fail at things, and you're like, Okay, wait, I failed. So now I know where I need to fix something. It's different. You have all different perspective, right? So like, when I started living my life for Jesus, I started surrendering more and everything. God started giving me that strength confidence to do things. And when I failed, I was like, Okay, wait, so I failed, yeah, now God is showing me in my failure where I need to change something. Okay, massive difference. A massive difference. So now I'm not, I'm not feeling like the loser anymore. I'm like, I lost that something, but I know where to work to improve. So I started doing this thing because I went, I went on with my studies with safety and everything, risk management, auditing systems, there's this thing called gap analysis. You should know about it, right? And and I was like, Wait a second, why can't we do a gap analysis in our own lives when it comes to transformation with Christ in our lives? So I was like, Okay, wait a second. What do I need to do to become more like Christ? So I have to do a gap analysis. I have to look at my current state and versus my my future stage, where I want to be sure, okay, so I started looking at my life like, Okay, what do I need to do to get there, to be that person and not be who I am now? And it all goes back to praying, reading the Word of God, and not just reading, but being a doer of the Word of God. I mean, go read one, Peter, one, one, Peter, two, one, Peter, three. You'll know there's a lot of information there that you clear and follow and and God said to me, okay, for you to be more like me, you need to do something. He spoke to me again, and I was like, Okay, what is it? It's like, get to know me. It's like, what? How? And he said, start reading the Old Testament. So, okay, so I started reading Old Testament, life in his old testament, and where I see, okay, this is God. This is the powerful Almighty God. Don't mess with it, you know, like, don't mess with him. Yeah. And then he's like, Okay, now, read the New Testament. I was like, I saw love. This is the God of love. It's the God that's always there. Your provider is, the easier you know, is, your healer is, is always there for you, full of grace and mercy, of grace and mercy. And that thing I never knew grace, yeah, until Jesus met me where I was. Then I knew exactly what Grace was, because I felt his love. And now I just say to myself, now that my identity is in Christ, every time I fall, I fall back onto God's grace. It's like, I I'm not enough for myself. I'm not enough for anyone, but all God needs for me is to show up. Yeah. All God needs for me is to be willing, and he's going to use me, you know, he's going to fool me. Yeah? And nothing that I have tried in this whole world my whole life for temporary status or for satisfaction lasted long enough. I always had that void inside. There was always the gap, you know, until Jesus filled me with His Holy Spirit and it was gone. I used to wake up every morning. I used to be angry. I woke up. And you can ask girls here as well, my wife, she she knew like, okay, my routine in morning is get out of bed and go and shower so that I can read and speak to God, and then I can go out, because I would be angry for years. I used to have nightmares for years, and now I sleep like a baby. I wake up joyful, like, the funny thing is, like, my wife, she got she fell asleep, like, last night. She fell asleep in the car because she was watching a shoot. This morning she came in and I woke up and I was like, hey, you know, I was like, hey, so nice to see you. You know, like, I felt so good. It's just joy the whole time. Yes, we do struggle. We do face challenges. We're going to go through trials, and the enemy is going to try and tell us that we're not good enough. He's going to try and tell us that our identity is not in Christ.
Ryan Langkilde 1:00:52
And that is really a strategy the devil will make you think that you are your worst mistake, that you are your past, that you are your upbringing, that you are your family, and when, when you live from that place, you're such an easy target for the devil, yes, right, exactly. He can just bring you down. He Yeah, but when you believe that you are a son of God, like that's who I am, then it doesn't really matter, yeah, what my past was, it doesn't matter the mistakes I've made. Doesn't matter what people say about me, because that's not who I am. Yeah. So getting that identity into your relationship with with Jesus makes you bulletproof. And, oh, it does.
Duan Coetzee 1:01:30
It does. And you know what? The more you start focusing on, on the kingdom of God and and on God,
Ryan Langkilde 1:01:38
the more he starts changing. Yeah, the transformation process. Look, it's longer. It carries on until Jesus comes again. But you can see the difference. You can see the difference between who you are, I mean, and you start to change your thinking, your thinking, like He changes your thinking. Yeah, changes your speech, yeah, what you're interested in, yeah, your tastes. What do you want to watch? What do you want to listen to? Yeah, yeah, the Holy Spirit starts to change, yes, but it only comes, just like you said, through that relationship. You know the fruit of the spirit that we read about in Scripture? Yes, you know, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. That is the fruit of me, having the spirit. That's it. So as I spend time with the Holy Spirit. He's gonna rub that off on me. Yeah, I don't have to create that. I don't have to make myself more loving. Yeah, it's a byproduct of my relationship with the Holy Spirit. So I want those things in my life. The answer is, I need to spend time with the Spirit. I need to spend time with God. And then he, like he was just saying, he transforms us. I think that really is, there's no transformation without that, because we can't change ourselves.
Duan Coetzee 1:02:47
No, you know God? I mean, doesn't the word say that God places the desire and the power within us that pleases him? Yeah. I mean, that's exactly what comes with this. With the Spirit of God comes life, power, self control. It's, it's those things or self discipline. God places it within us. I mean, we continuously struggle with these fleshly desires. I want this. I want that. Like, what, what changed for me was the desires of my flesh sinful continuously. I was chasing after sin the whole time, right? It was the, I mean, the drugs, the porn, the alcohol going out with people. It's always me, me, me, me, me. What do I want? That was my desires. But once I started surrendering to go surrendering to God, he started placing his desires within me, and it changed, wow. So there was no more look at the fleshy desires. The temptation still came, yeah, but it was easier for me now with the power and the love and the self control that the Holy Spirit gives me, it was easier for me to overcome, to get rid of those things and do more things that is pleasing to God, yeah, because the thing is, when you when you surrender, it's not about you anymore. Your life belongs to Jesus. Now you're not the main character of your story, exactly. And this is where things start changing. Like, you say, the fruit of the Spirit, it starts being produced in you. It's like, when I can't, I can't explain it, because it's like, when I open the Bible, the Bible opens me, you know, that's what happens. It's it's luck I look at this the Word of God, and it looks straight at me, yeah, and everything that goes on inside, yeah, comes out, and God shows me. This is what I'm doing. This is what I want to do. Let's go.
Ryan Langkilde 1:04:35
It is like a mirror, exactly, doing as we wrap up. There's just one more thing I want you to speak into, because I know, obviously you're in such a battle with the flesh. You were trained in sin, you could say that in your home. And so one thing you do, I know, in your life regularly, is you, there's a practice that you do to keep your synergy, to keep your flesh in check into it's. Starve your flesh a little bit, and that's fasting, yeah? Like, it's a big part of your life at the moment, it's a big spiritual discipline. Chat into, why do you fast so often, and how does it help? Yeah?
Duan Coetzee 1:05:09
So I want you guys to listen. This is so important. If you want your flesh to submit to the spirit, you have to break your flesh. That's it. That's you. The thing is, my past, my flesh used to be strong, yeah, a week, because Jesus says the flesh week. But actually, my flesh was stronger than my spirit. So how am I supposed to walk by faith and live by the Spirit? If my flesh is continuously doing all this thing, my flesh is going to fight the whole time. It wants his own things. So for me to make my flesh submit, I have to fast. So I'm for a certain period, I'm not giving my flesh what it wants. I'm disciplining it. This is the thing, making it submit to your spirit. I'm making it submit to My Spirit. And yes, like I said, you will always face challenges and you will fail like this is this? Is this how it is? Don't, don't think that, oh, Jesus comes and he changes you and you're suddenly a perfect person. I'm a wish law from perfect. You know, I still, I still have issues with self control and sales, especially with my mouth. Now that I've learned how to use my mouth and I'm confident, I don't know when to stop, yeah, so I still have to learn how to work in conflict with my mouth. Yes, I'm not very good with with conflict. Never learned how to deal with conflict in a healthy way. So ask my wife.
Ryan Langkilde 1:06:31
And yet, I'm sure you can look, you can look back and see there's been massive healing and growth. So so yes, all of us, I think, we look forward and we see the places we still need to heal, yeah? But there's also some encouragement to look back exactly see all the places where Jesus has done that work, yeah? And then that gives you faith that he's also going to do the work for all the places where you still need to heal.
Duan Coetzee 1:06:56
That's it. And I think that's where fasting comes in, is when you realize that there's something that your flesh is still struggling with. Get rid of it, and the only way to get rid of it is by fasting,
Ryan Langkilde 1:07:06
yeah, make your flesh weak, deprive your flesh. Yes. Don't give your flesh strength. Yes. Make sure your flesh is actually not able to do the thing it wants to do, yeah, and I think that builds up self control in all areas of your life.
Duan Coetzee 1:07:19
Yeah, that is it. And I just want to mention this, if you are addicted to something, that's also one way to to get rid of something. Yeah, a lot of times it's like going into your own spiritual rehab. If I can say it like that, I want to say this, I used to smoke, still the thing that I that I that I still held out onto, after the drinking, everything I was I got rid of those things. It's fine. I was still smoking, because I started smoking, like, age of 11, and then I was like, occasionally and stuff. But eventually I became firmer and smoking, and there was time when I gave up and I started again. But I fasted when I fasted, though they didn't smoke, so I stopped that, and it was difficult. Now you get grumpy and you're like, your flesh wants this. So yeah, difficult. But then I became a night shift smoker, because I used to fast in the day, so I didn't need to smoke during the day. I needed to smoke in the night, so I would smoke like a packet of cigarettes at night. Wow, imagine that. So I didn't care about smoking in late night. That was my time, and God spoke to me. It's like, you need to stop smoking. You stop smoking. You just stop smoking. I was like, come on,
Ryan Langkilde 1:08:35
God, and it could be easy, like again, if, if you stuck in your brokenness and trauma, it's so easy to feel sorry for yourself and say, Well, I've come so far already. Is what's smoking compared I was doing drugs, I was smoking weed and I was an alcoholic for over 11 years. Yeah, so what's a cigarette? You know? And that's a problem when your brokenness is your identity. But actually, when it's in Christ, then I know there's still more. Yeah, I can, I can give this up.
Duan Coetzee 1:09:03
That's it. That's thing is, the thing is, you, your friend, is always going to try and justify, yeah, what you're doing, you know, I mean, like when it comes to sin, but once you, once you've, once your identity is in Christ, you start realizing what you don't need anymore. You know, it's like, okay, I can let go of these things now, because I have Jesus, it's like, I mean, think of this. If I say, Oh, I can't live without this. And it's not Jesus, then it took up. It's your god, yeah, exactly. And I needed to to get rid of everything that had a hold on to me, not just that, but debt, for instance, as well. I was like, I was in serious debt at some point in my life as well. I was like, Okay, I need to get rid of this now. I can't, I can't let the world have a hold on to me. Yeah, so even that. And then last year, I was trying, with my own strength, to stop smoking the whole time, like I was trying his nicorettes. And I was trying like he. Had these patches you put in your mouth, not arc. There was this one I put it in and I almost died because my body couldn't take it, sure. And I was like, No, so I've water vape, because that's what's not the thing. Everyone says, Okay, I'll just stop smoking. But there's no point of replacing one thing with another thing. Yeah, no, you just, you're still doing it. So really use the thing. Went to the men's camp, and I took the vape worth in case. I was like, in case, okay, because I'm not gonna, you know, the thing that annoyed me by myself, was like, okay, so what am I gonna smoke? And I'm gonna lay hands on people, sure, and I smell like an ashtray. That's not gonna happen, yeah, I have to represent Jesus, you know. So I was like, Okay, I gotta sort this out. But I was already praying. I was like, God, yeah, this is difficult, like, I'm trying to do this on my own string. I need you to come to, you know, you've helped me with so many things already. Can you please help me now with this smoking clean went in the camp Friday night. Okay, so we went to the sermons and all those kind of things. Friday night, I went to bed in the caravan, and then I woke up around three o'clock in the morning, and I was like, as almost like that, his spirit was just saying pray. I started praying and I started praying, and I started praying. And I was like, praying and praying and praying. And I put some godly music on. I just listened to it. And I fell into like this, I don't know different realm, like the heavy new realm. And I was crying, crying the whole time. Eventually it was five o'clock, and I was like, just filled. My whole camera was just full of the Spirit and sure as basically, it's half past five, and I, we've not took a shower, and I'd wash my face, because I'm gonna have to, know, you know, see people, see people and stuff like that. And I came back and was all awesome. I don't know what I was all about. It was amazing experience. What an awesome, you know, experience, yeah, and I was quite tired, but yeah, so went back home Wednesday after the camp, by Monday, didn't have a smoke. A week later, no smokes later on, a week and a half, my wife's like, Listen, don't you smoke anymore? It's like, No, I didn't know. Sharon was like, what? I don't know. And she's like, Well, okay, what's happening? So I said, I haven't felt any cravings for smoking two weeks, and now it's been growing up for months, several months.
Ryan Langkilde 1:12:29
Love it, man. And like, how God's just done that for you. Similar to the drinking, it's like, yeah, it's plea, this genuine plea for the Lord's help, yeah. And he comes and transforms you,
Duan Coetzee 1:12:39
just like that. I mean, that happened instantly, and I've seen this now over and over in my life. Whenever you surrender, yeah, God is gonna take it. Just surrender. That's it. You just have to surrender.
Ryan Langkilde 1:12:50
Okay, so you wanna as as we close, as we wrap up, I want you to speak to the people who are watching, who have had a really rough life, and they didn't choose that they just got the short straw. And maybe they've been abused, maybe they've grew up in poverty, maybe they were introduced to things they shouldn't have been introduced to, and perhaps that's become their excuse, you know, their whole life, for bad decisions and like, if you had, if you had my life, you would also act like this, and you'd also be angry with everyone. And so people who are stuck in that kind of victimhood. What in closing, what encouragement or next steps would you give them? Would you speak to them enough?
Duan Coetzee 1:13:36
Yeah, okay, so the only thing I can say is that it's not too late. You're never too far. Yeah, and Jesus loves you. You might not even feel loved by anyone, and you might be like, Oh, who's this Jesus guy and whatever. But doesn't matter if you know him now or not, once, you call out to Him and you even what you have, what you have left, maybe you'll see that he's gonna he's gonna show you his love, because it's unconditional and it you can't describe it. You know his light, he's the light that gives us life. And you might feel like you're in a dark place and you've been living in darkness for long, but there's hope. And I can just say, from my own experience in life, and we have been we haven't discussed everything, but there's a lot more that I can say, and I I can truly say that Jesus is alive, and he does love, and he can help you, and he wants to. So all you have to do is to surrender quality, you know, and you'll see how He changes your life, how he changes you, how he transforms you into a new person, how he how. Changes your environment. He takes the bad away, and he brings the good in.
Duan Coetzee 1:15:06
Just pray out. You might not be a believer. So what is there to lose? Just call out to him and see. See if Israel, I can challenge you to do that, and you see what happens.
Duan Coetzee 1:15:20
And yeah, if you want to hear the rest of my story, you're welcome to go onto my podcast as well. I'm more men of Christ. My full testimony is there. It's in two episodes, a bit long. But if you know of anyone else that that that that's going through difficulties and and you want to give them some hope, then you can also let them listen, to send it to them, but it just just like the first step and and you'll see, you'll see what happens. And this is not me trying to convince you, but saying, Oh yeah, something might happen. I can promise you that something's going to happen when you fall out to Jesus, because He is alive and and he'll show you.
Ryan Langkilde 1:16:05
And I love what you said. I want to just echo that. What do you have to lose? You know, like, give it a shot. Just go all in, because perhaps nothing else has worked in your life. That's why you stuck so give Jesus a fair shot. Surrender your life to him, and I just know that that's where life is. That's where contentment, peace comes from. There's no other there's that's where joy comes from. There's just no other thing that's going to give it to. So we encourage you to give him a shot and doing can you pray for those listening, who might be in that place?
Duan Coetzee 1:16:37
Yeah, sure. Definitely. I just before I pray, I just want to say one thing is that this, this thing comes to my mind the whole time, is that when it comes to change and and the things we deal with, and we were like, Yeah, okay, but how can we do this? And how can we change? How can we become better, and how can life change? I'm going to say this. This is scripture. Humanly speaking, it is impossible, yeah, but with God, all things are possible, amen. And that's it. That's what I've focused for my rest of my life. And I've seen it. There is evidence we claim that. So, yeah, you're right. Let's, let's, let's, let's ask Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ, that is spirit. I just praise You today. Give you all the glory. I thank You, Lord, for this opportunity that I could sit with Ryan and share this broadcast about my story while it's my story, but it's your story, Lord, it's not for my glory, but for yours, Lord, and I just want to pray for every person that's been listening to this podcast, every person that feels like they have a bit of darkness inside, maybe a lot of darkness. They where they feel stuck. They might feel that they are in chains and they don't know how to break these chains. Lord, I ask that you all please bless them with your love. Let them feel your love, Lord and Lord, you know their situation, you know their thoughts, you know their arts. You know everything. Lord, show them that you are alive. Lord, I pray for every person that's, that's that's watching this podcast. Lord, that you will have a divine intervention with them, Lord, and that you will change them into the people that you want them to be. Lord, you have a future for them. You have a good plan for them, Lord, and I know Lord just by seeing them in my own life. Lord that you can, you can make big changes. Lord, when we surrender, and I pray that they will surrender, because every knee will bow and every tongue will confess. Lord that you are, Lord above all that you are the Almighty, I pray, Lord, that every situation, any situation that they are in, know that where they feel stuck, that you will break those chains off in the mighty name of Jesus, that you will bring light into their lives, Lord and I rebuke the enemy away from them. Now in Jesus, mighty name. I pray protection over them, and I cover them with the blood of Jesus. And for those who are who wants to give their lives to You now, Lord, I just want to ask them to repeat after me, Lord Jesus, I believe in you. I trust that you are the Son of God, that you came to this earth to die for our sins so that we can be forgiven, not because we are good lord, but because you love us so much. I ask you, Lord, please forgive me for my sins. Please wash me clean with your blood and guide me in this life forward, Lord. Submit to you, to surrender to you and to live my life for you. I accept you Lord as my Lord and Savior. I ask you to please send me people Lord, send people on my path that can help me and guide me
Duan Coetzee 1:20:18
to grow stronger in my relationship with you. Now, thank you, Lord. I am now a changed person,
Duan Coetzee 1:20:27
and I thank You Lord that I have a good future, that there is hope now. Thank you for my salvation in Jesus, mighty name, amen. Amen.
Ryan Langkilde 1:20:40
Thanks doing. And for those of you who pray that prayer, welcome to the family. Yes, it's really important your next step. You're not meant to do this alone. So go find a community, find a local church. They can minister to you that you can get plugged in with. They can do this journey with you. You didn't just get a father today. You got brothers and sisters. You got a whole family. And so welcome to the family. Dohan, thank you for your openness, for your vulnerability, for your willingness to share what I'm sure are difficult moments in your story, but I just know that it has blessed some people. If it's blessed you and you want to see more stories like this, please hit that subscribe button. Follow along, whatever platform you're listening. It really does help get the word out. It helps all the algorithms push the content. And so it really is a way just to spread it. And maybe you want to send us this link to someone who you know needs to hear it, and we just pray that it continues to impact people and change lives. We're going to continue to have very real conversations about real issues and a real God that I'm grateful has helped you, healed you, saved you, and I trust will do it for many others. So thanks for joining us till next time. Goodbye. Bye.