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Growing old is a fact of life. It’s inevitable and unavoidable. Most people hate growing old and do everything in their power to avoid it. But what if growing old isn’t a curse? What if it’s a blessing?Zach and John Barnard from Middleman Ministries are hosting this week to talk through the benefits of growing old and how that can benefit your mentoring relationship. Tune in to also hear what how basketball and the 2002 All Stars game has to do with growing old.
Show Notes
Growing old is a fact of life. It’s inevitable and unavoidable. Most people hate growing old and do everything in their power to avoid it. But what if growing old isn’t a curse? What if it’s a blessing?Zach and John Barnard from Middleman Ministries are hosting this week to talk through the benefits of growing old and how that can benefit your mentoring relationship. Tune in to also hear what how basketball and the 2002 All Stars game has to do with growing old.
Reach out to John:
john@middleman-ministries.org
Check out Middleman Ministries:
https://www.middleman-ministries.org
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Reach out to John:
john@middleman-ministries.org
Check out Middleman Ministries:
https://www.middleman-ministries.org
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Mentors and mentoring leaders, Zach Ardo here with the You Can Mentor podcast. I got 3 things that I would like to ask of you today. Number 1, if you are a mentoring organization and you would like to be on our podcast or learn more about the best practices of mentoring, please reach out to us, www.youcanmentor.com. You can send us an email, zachzach@youcanmentor.com, or stephen, that's with a PH, at you canmentor.com. You can also find us on social media.
Speaker 2:Give us that DM, and we'll get back to you. We just wanna get to know you, and we wanna learn more about what you're doing in your communities to advance mentoring. And we believe that interaction leads to innovation. So let's work together and advance the team in through mentoring. Number 2, if you know of someone who would benefit from the You Can Mentor podcast, please share our podcast, share our information with them.
Speaker 2:That would be super helpful. And then lastly, if you could rate our podcast on Apple podcast, give us that 5 star. It will help spread the word about mentoring. And, You Can Mentor podcast because we really do want every mentoring org in America who is trying to make disciples through mentoring to know about us. We wanna get to know about them so we can learn from them and work together to help kids reach their full potential.
Speaker 2:So that's what I got. Please do those things. Reach out to us. Share and rate. Appreciate you.
Speaker 2:You can mentor. Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. Zach Garza here with John Barnard.
Speaker 3:Hey. Good morning.
Speaker 2:John is currently going through a crisis of mass proportions. He is extremely insecure about how he sounds this morning.
Speaker 3:Oh, man. It's cool that you said that because as before you mentioned that there was an issue, I was thinking about 8 or 9 things that you could be talking about. And so the the fact that you landed on that one makes me feel like, okay. Maybe we can make it through.
Speaker 2:I got a text from John. I got a text from from John yesterday, and all it said
Speaker 3:That was just for you, man. But go ahead.
Speaker 2:Here. I'm gonna pull up the decks. Go ahead. And this is all it said.
Speaker 3:Let everybody in on our friendship.
Speaker 2:Okay. I am listening to last podcast. I sound like a person that I would wanna beat up for fun. I talk too fast and sound like I'm from Sugar Land.
Speaker 3:Oh, dude. Hey, I just wanna say something to everybody in Sugar Land right now. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:Oh, jeez. So here at the You Can Mentor podcast, John's feeling insecure, guys. So if y'all could drop him a line, just help the guy out. He's he's struggling.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man. Just, you know, put a couple of bucks in Venmo. And is that what you meant?
Speaker 2:Like No. We're not gonna ask for funds, John. Okay. Everything's okay with you financially. Right?
Speaker 3:Yeah. We're doing oh, yeah. I I want everyone to know that that's okay. It's more of just kind of a interpersonal Oh, just a Yeah. Just kind of a self esteem thing.
Speaker 2:Okay. So Well, today, we're talking about mentoring. And I hope through this podcast, I can mentor John some and just kinda invest into him, encourage him
Speaker 3:Oh my god.
Speaker 2:To be who God created him to be, a fast talker who sounds like he's from Sugar Land.
Speaker 3:100%. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Which for those of you guys who don't know, is a suburb of Houston, which is you know, it's Imperial Sugar,
Speaker 3:actually, is is mined there.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, that's that's good. Cropped. That's why it's called Sugar Land.
Speaker 3:Yep. That's right. That's right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Unplug. Okay, John. Tell everyone what we're talking about today. The title of today's episode, we think, is there's gold in the old.
Speaker 3:Gold in the old, man. Colon, Jordan misses a dunk.
Speaker 2:Jordan misses a dunk. Yeah. I wanted to name it gold in the old. John wanted to name it Jordan misses a dunk.
Speaker 3:That's right. That's right. We led with yours, and then at after the colon Mhmm.
Speaker 2:It it
Speaker 3:can be what? Interesting more like, more of an interesting person, what they would do.
Speaker 2:So give wait. What?
Speaker 3:That sounded a little bit
Speaker 2:That sounds like an odd thought.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. I wanna just kind of edit that out.
Speaker 2:Ugh. We're not editing anything out. So kinda riff, if you will, on this topic. Why did you come up with this topic? What's going on?
Speaker 3:Okay. So let me take you back, and in fact, maybe the listener might want to take a moment sometime over the next couple of days and just YouTube Jordan, as in Michael Jordan, Wizards, Washington Wizards, missed Dunk. And it's gonna be in the 2002 All Star Game. Did you watch that? Do you remember were you there for that?
Speaker 2:No. I was 10.
Speaker 3:Okay. 10 years old in 2002. Okay. Oh,
Speaker 2:wait. No. I was 20. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You wanna get that straight. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't know what I was doing when I was 20.
Speaker 3:I was in my mid forties in 2002, and so I'm just kidding. I'm kinda even that now. I guess I'm in my late forties. Anyway, here's the moment though, Zach. Here's what's interesting.
Speaker 3:In fact, let me just take a step back. Did you I need to know. Did did you have a live opportunity to to to ever watch Jordan?
Speaker 2:No. Okay. I watched LeBron play once Okay. But not Jordan.
Speaker 3:Not in person, but even televised, though. Oh, yeah. We're watching Jordan. Oh, yeah. Okay.
Speaker 2:All the time.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Me too. So a little older than you. However Mhmm. You know, remember being there for going up right, making it left instead.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. I remember the the flu game right, 55 points on the Knicks. All those things that when you watch The Last Dance, you kinda remember, oh, yeah. I remember that. I
Speaker 2:remember that. Okay. A good basketball player.
Speaker 3:He was a pretty good basketball player. Mhmm. But what I wanted to be able to kinda think about is let's go to that that all star game when he was in his final year in the NBA. Alright? He was old.
Speaker 3:That's right. 42. In fact, yeah. Yeah. And so playing in that game, little breakaway, goes up to the rim just for a a basic right hand dunk, ball hits the back of the rim, flies off.
Speaker 3:Okay? And it was one of those moments where again, it was the all star game, so it wasn't like a serious competitive thing. But everybody just kinda, you know, raised an eyebrow, right, at that point. And I think everybody kinda felt that way over those last two seasons of his career in general. Right?
Speaker 3:Because this is Jordan. This is like deity in basketball. So what do we kinda I and I I can also remember during that time in his career that, like, sports commentators were saying things like, oh, is he tarnishing his legacy based on his performance not being what we expect? Mhmm. Right?
Speaker 3:So I think my premise for us to maybe talk about today is the fact that I think that was a really important time for us to to consider someone who we think this is what their value is. Right? This is their strength, their ability, them being just beyond what anybody else can do, and that's kind of what we got used to. So that when we start seeing a person who just acts like a human being because age does things to us, right, What do we do with that? And, also, when we look at that through the lens of mentoring, we have a really important valuable lesson to learn from that as well.
Speaker 2:Most definitely. Yeah. So I'm gonna tie this back to the Bible because that's always a good thing to tie anything back to. Proverbs 2029, the glory of young men is their strength gray hair is the splinter of old.
Speaker 3:That is a killer verse. Great verse.
Speaker 2:So what stuck out to me about this topic is, especially as, you know, I'm entering into my forties, whenever you think about getting older, whenever you think about turning 40, you're like, oh my gosh, you're so old. What's happening to me? Most of the things that you think aren't positive. I can't play sports as well. I'm not as strong as as I once was.
Speaker 2:I'm not as fast as I once was. I'm not as cool as I once was. I've got gray hair, potentially, which I do have a couple gray hairs coming in, which I'm really excited about.
Speaker 3:Do you do, though? What do you do with those? Because I don't I'm not seeing them.
Speaker 2:I just stare at them.
Speaker 3:And then they just kind of They just sit their way
Speaker 2:like hair.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's what hair does. It just sits here.
Speaker 3:So you're not doing anything to, like you don't want to No. Maybe cover them or or color them?
Speaker 2:Because splendor is in the gray hair. That's what the Bible says. I'm being biblical here. But what I'm trying to say is this. Maybe growing old is not that bad.
Speaker 2:Maybe growing old has its advantages. Maybe it's actually a really, really good thing. And is being young and being strong and being ambitious and all those things good? Yes. For sure.
Speaker 2:But in the Bible, all things have a season. And, yeah, there was a time in my life whenever I was fast and I was young and I could I was strong and I was all of these things, but I'm entering into a new season. And this new season is that of, I hope, dear lord, wisdom. It is of experience. It is of patience.
Speaker 2:It is of self control. It is of things that you only earn with age. I don't know a lot of 20 or 25 year olds who are have a ton of experience or who are super patient or who are humbled throughout the experiences that they have lived through. That's only something that you can earn with age. And so today, what we wanna talk about is embracing the old, is seeing your age, seeing the experiences that you've gone through through the lens of positivity, and knowing that, yeah, you might not be as cool as you once were, but that coolness has been replaced with wisdom, with being a sage, with experience.
Speaker 2:And that's actually a really, really, really, really good thing.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. So So here's what's really great about this verse of Proverbs 2029. I think that it really kinda gives us a a a interesting parallel quality between youth and the aged, right, or youth, the young, and the older. And so what's great about it is it's not really saying that anything is better than the other. It's not saying that this is where you really want to be.
Speaker 3:Now I think with with us in our conversation, what we need to do, which is very countercultural, which is to say, hey. We really want to age well and, like, understand that the gold is in the old. Like, that is that is an accomplishment. However, we wouldn't wanna say, listen. The older generation is so much more valuable than the younger generation.
Speaker 3:That's really not what this verse is saying, and I don't think it has I think that that also would be counterintuitive to what we'd want to be able to communicate about mentoring because what we're saying is there's great value in the mentor. There's also great value in the mentee. So if we could, let's just kinda divide maybe in saying that between the young and the old, there are benefits, and there are certain liabilities.
Speaker 2:For sure. And I do not want someone who's listening to this podcast who is young to think that you can't mentor because, well, the name of this podcast is you can mentor because in every season of life, there are good things. So, like, here in this verse, it says, the glory of young men is their strength. Strength's a really good thing. And so as a mentor, I was a different kind of mentor whenever I was 26.
Speaker 2:I could go play basketball with my mentees. I could stay up late. I I had energy. I had free time. I had all these things that I don't have today.
Speaker 2:I can't stay up past 9:15, John. I just can't do it. I'm an old man. I can't play basketball because my bat gives out every time I play. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:Here's kind of a kind of a funny story. Side note here. I got invited to go to this it was a how do I say it? It was a retreat for leaders in ministry. And the guy who planned it, he invited, like, 20 young social media influencers for Jesus.
Speaker 2:Wow. I mean, like, 18 to 22 year old people who are on fire for Jesus who have, like, hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram, and it was awesome. These kids were so cool, like, wearing, like, all these cool looking clothes. Their shoes, like, shined. You had to wear it was amazing.
Speaker 2:Then what this guy did was he invited 5 guys in their thirties. That was me. And then he invited 10 guys who were over the age of 50. And he got us all in the same room, and we just got to hang out with each other. It was amazing.
Speaker 2:Well, this one guy came up to me, and he's like, hey, man. We're gonna go play basketball during our next break. You look like you can play. And I'm 6.8. And I'm like, dude, I would love that.
Speaker 2:Well, here I am. I'm 38 at the time, and I'm playing basketball with all these guys who are 20. And so I let go, and I go back to the room, and I'm like, man, I'm gonna show these kids what's up. I'm gonna dominate, maybe acting a tad bit prideful. So I put on my shoes, like, go out to
Speaker 3:Were you one of the taller people in the group? Yeah. Okay. For sure.
Speaker 2:Good. And so I'm excited because I can play a little bit.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the very first point, the very first time that we play, this guy has the ball up top, and he's, like, 22. And his dad actually played basketball for the New York Knicks, And this guy could play a little bit, and he just gives me one move. And I and I try to guard him, and all of a sudden my back gives out. Mhmm. And I'm laying there on this playground while 10 to 12 young guys are just running past me, and I have to, like, crawl off the court because I just can't keep up.
Speaker 3:So dude didn't give you he didn't give you the ankle breaker. He gave you the back breaker.
Speaker 2:He gave me the back breaker. And for the rest of the week, I had to, like, walk like I was a 100 years old because my back hurt so bad. I say all of that to say that sometimes it's really good to know your age, and it's okay to not be who you once were. And it was at that moment that the Lord kinda kinda showed me. He's like, hey, man.
Speaker 2:You're not the 22 year old anymore. You're you're not kind of the cool guy. You you don't have those things to offer like you once did. Instead, I'm I'm moving you into a new era. I'm moving you into a new season, one where you are actually a person of influence.
Speaker 2:You're older. You have more experiences, and that's how I'm going to use you.
Speaker 3:You got it. So Yeah. You know, I mean, it's it's the equivalent of thinking about listen. What what are my arms full of? You know?
Speaker 3:I gotta carry something. And so when you're young, you get the benefit of that constant energy and being able to to do. And when you get older, you have to kinda put that aside or it gets put aside for you and you get to pick up. Well, listen. I've been I've been around the block enough times now.
Speaker 3:I know a few things. And now that I have some things figured out, I'm I'm in a much better position to be able to to give to others. Mhmm. So you realize that it's not about you anymore.
Speaker 2:It's not about us. That's for sure. Alright. We've got 4 things that we're going to to talk about in regards to gold is in the old. So number 1, embrace the old instead of striving for relevance.
Speaker 2:Embrace the old instead of striving for relevance. I think that story that I just told kinda kinda points back to that.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:But we should we we should be welcoming and striving for wisdom and maturity instead of coolness and popularity. Again, I think that
Speaker 3:we can start seeing or or believe that our value is only in what would be just referred to as blatant relevance. Right? Like, oh, because I am like you, then I'm good for you. Right? Or you'll listen to me if if I convince you that we are the same.
Speaker 3:But again, within the relationship of of the mentor and mentee, you can be relevant without having to be the same, without trying to convince, hey, look, we dress the same. Hey, we we use the same words. Hey, we we listen to the same music, that kind of thing. And that is not really how these relationships can work optimally, and I think sometimes we confuse that because society doesn't do a very good job of of showing us that. Right?
Speaker 2:I think one of the biggest lies that the enemy can tell you as you start a mentoring relationship is that you're too old or you're not cool enough or you don't have anything in common or this mentee isn't going to like you because y'all don't dress the same or you're from a different neighborhood or you don't have the same experiences. And that is something that I hear from mentors time and time and time again. I just don't have anything to offer. And I'm like, man, nothing could be further from the truth. You have a ton to offer.
Speaker 2:What a gift we can give to our mentee, especially with the kids that we mentor who come from hard places. There's just not a lot of godly older people in the lives of some of our kids out there. Some kids, they might come from a single parent home. Some kids, they just might not have any older people that they feel like care for them. And so what what a gift we can give our mentees a relationship with someone who's older, who has experiences, who has a little bit of wisdom, a little bit of maturity, who is intentionally investing into this kid through spending time with them, through asking them questions, through entering into their world, into their life, and trying to guide them through it.
Speaker 2:I would say that there's not a lot of kids out there who
Speaker 3:have that. For sure.
Speaker 2:That was unfortunate.
Speaker 3:I was having a conversation this week with a guy actually in talking about skateboarding ministry, and I think that's another thing. When you ever you're talking about a mentoring program or a ministry that's really kinda built around a certain activity or a culture like that, I think that our knee jerk response is to say, oh, you know what? I'm gonna be most effective when I can do the thing well that I'm trying to, you know, that that culture that I'm trying to kind of reach. So in order to have an effective skateboarding mentoring ministry, I should be a really good skateboarder because then I'm gonna go out to the park and people are gonna see me, and that kid is going to feel that I have credibility based on my ability. And that's where we say, time out on that, man.
Speaker 3:That that is not the issue here. What we always like to say when we're talking to guys who wanted to get guys and girls who wanna do skateboarding ministry is saying, it is really less about what you can do on a board, and it's more about that relationship building because skaters tend to have a really good nose for authentic, you know, motive. And so what we say so often is, man, being yourself is really what you need to be. What what they need to have interaction with is someone who's so comfortable in who they are at their age and at their with their preferences that they can feel safe and they can feel comfortable to be who they are because of that example that we're that we're putting forth.
Speaker 2:That security and being who you are, that self confidence, that I am who I am, and I'm totally okay with that. That is one of the best gifts that you can give a mentee. You also just just know this. The mentee isn't looking for someone cool. The mentee isn't looking for someone who can, you know, who knows the newest rap album or who can shoot the best shot in basketball or who is you know, has the newest shoes.
Speaker 2:What the mentee is looking for that they'll never say is love and acceptance and affirmation and someone to just give a rip about them, and you can do that. It doesn't matter what you look like. It doesn't matter your age. Some of the best mentors I know are over the age of 70. They show up.
Speaker 2:They're intentional. They're kind. They're gentle. They're patient. They love unconditionally.
Speaker 2:And this kid who's 15, 16, who has nothing in common with this mentor, just adores that mentor, and it's got nothing to do with them being relevant. So embrace the old instead of striving for relevance. Be yourself. What a gift that is. Number 2.
Speaker 2:John?
Speaker 3:Be a father and not a friend. Again, kinda just going off on that as well is that it's we're not really looking for a colleague in this. We're looking for that differentiation, which is to say you've got wisdom and you've got experience. You've got consideration to give that more than likely someone their own age just doesn't really have that you have. And so they don't need your friendship.
Speaker 3:They need your wisdom, fathering, mothering, the ability to speak into some of their decisions that they're making and give them some good guidance there.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite verses is 1st Corinthians 4:15, which I talk about often. Even if you had 10,000 guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus, I became your father through the gospel. If any of you guys out there are parents, if you're moms or dads, you know there's a difference between being a parent and a friend. A parent has the end in mind. They can stay objective.
Speaker 2:They know that the the child might not see how the things that they're doing is ultimately going to harm them. But it's their job to guide them. It's their job to give direction. It's their job to give discipline. And that is how we should see ourselves as mentors, as we're guides.
Speaker 2:We are supports. We aren't their friend. We we don't need to be their friend, because most of our mentees have friends. What they're looking for is someone different. What they're what they are looking for is is is someone who has something that they can't get at school or on the playground or on the streets.
Speaker 2:They're looking for that shepherd, for that that father or that mother, that guide.
Speaker 3:This is the like, Michael Scott saying, you know, my first objective is to be an entertainer. My second is to be a friend, and, like, my third is to be a boss. Right? So it's that whole it's that whole kinda sad that kinda conjures up that that, you know, that sad boss who really just wants to be everybody's friend. And I think that it's it's good for us to kind of evaluate sometimes our motives within a mentoring relationship to say because you know what?
Speaker 3:We're all human, and there are times even within the context of hanging out with our mentee that I think that we can just feel like, you know what? I could really use some encouragement, and I think that's totally natural and normal. We we wanna hang on to some of those times when we do see that, you know, our time and investment is is kinda working in that way. But let's be real careful to not ask from our mentee for that validation. Right?
Speaker 3:Like, we don't, you know, we don't need for that 14 year old to to tell us that we're cool or to act like we are, you know, but instead realizing, hell, man, I don't need that from you. Instead, again, I I need to realize that I'm I'm the best for you when I can be that encourager, when I can kinda take more of a parent parental role in this relationship.
Speaker 2:I was on a walk with I was on a walk with my son last night, and he's 6, and his name's Steven. He's great. And we were just on a walk in our hood, and I was like, okay, Steven. I'm gonna tell you all the things that I like about you. And he's like, oh, here.
Speaker 2:Go. And I was like, alright. You're kind. Like, you're silly. You are thoughtful.
Speaker 2:You are and I just went on and on and on. And then for some strange reason, I turn it, and I go, okay. Now you tell me everything that you like about me. And as I'm saying it, I am like, what are you doing? Like, what?
Speaker 2:And my son just looked at me, and he goes, you're nice? And that's it. And I was like, I set myself up for that. Like, I
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was trying to get my needs met for my 6 year old, and it just typically, when you do that, it doesn't go well. So don't be the mentor who's trying to get their needs met from their mentee. Don't don't be the mentor who needs anything from their mentee. You are here to serve. The son of man came to serve, not to be served.
Speaker 2:And that's how we should mentor. Amen. And parent, apparently. Golly. What was I doing?
Speaker 2:Alright. Next up, we have this next one, which I think goes really well with be a father, not a friend is seeing yourself rightly. So I was thinking the other day, I I have a mentor, Steve Allen, and Steve's great, and he led me to Jesus whenever I was 27. And I was thinking about Steve as I am turning 40, as everyone knows because I talk about way too often. Wait a minute.
Speaker 3:Are you turning 40?
Speaker 2:I'm turning 40. And I was thinking the other day, oh, my gosh. Steve was 40 whenever he led me to Jesus. And I thought about how I thought about Steve back then. And I thought Steve was just on a totally different level.
Speaker 2:I mean, he had kids. He was older. You know whenever you're younger, you you can't really put an age to someone. You just know that they're older, that they're in a different league than you are. And that's how I saw Steve.
Speaker 2:And I saw him through the lens of maturity. I saw him through the lens of wisdom. I saw him through the lens of this guy's got something that I don't have. And I started to think about how I see myself. And I'm like, I don't think I see myself like that.
Speaker 2:And during the season at work, we're hiring people so we can build a an org that mentors kids, and most of the people that we're hiring are 23, 24, 25. And I was sitting with them yesterday. We just had had a meeting. Then after the meeting, we just sat around for half an hour and just talked, just laughed, caught up on life. And I as as I reflected back on the conversation that we had, I thought to myself, was I trying to act like them, or was I seeing myself rightly and knowing that they see me a little bit differently than they see their peers?
Speaker 2:And I I don't say that to say that you should be someone who you're not. I mean, we just talked about, hey, you should be yourself. But I think that as you do grow older, you do have to realize that you are different, that you are in a different season, that you your your words carry a little bit more weight. And I think it's time for me to see myself rightly. That I I am not their their peer.
Speaker 2:I am their boss. I am not their friend. I am their shepherd, and I need to know that as I enter into conversations with them.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. It's good stuff, man.
Speaker 2:I went through this phase whenever I moved to Waco, and as I look back, this is this is kind of funny. But I, for for some reason, I was like, okay. I'm gonna move, and I'm I'm gonna reinvent myself.
Speaker 3:Oh, no.
Speaker 2:So I go, and I buy some I buy some hats. Okay? Some cool hats, like super trendy hats, and I start wearing my hat backwards. I know. And I look back at that time, and I'm like, what were you doing?
Speaker 2:Like, you don't need to be someone that you're not. Like, you don't wear backwards hats. Why are you trying to wear backwards hats? And I think it was I was trying to be cool. I wasn't seeing myself rightly.
Speaker 2:I was trying to be this, like, cool kid in college who, yeah, I've I've got a family, but I'm still cool, bruh. And it didn't go well. So all of that being said, we're packing up because we're we are about to move, and there's 4 backwards hats that are in the box headed to Goodwill.
Speaker 3:Steven, don't touch those hats.
Speaker 2:Those are daddy's hats. That's good. I said that multiple times.
Speaker 3:I listen. I think what's we need to give a full episode about hats because I feel like hats are so funny. Aren't they, like, the thing that you wish you could kinda pull off? Like, when you think about cowboy hats or, like, fedoras. Right?
Speaker 3:Or, like, those those newsy hats? You know? Yeah. I think that that across this nation, nay, this world, there are men who who want nothing more than to be able to pick up a stylish hat and pull it off. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But, dude Very few can.
Speaker 3:Once you walk out of the house, I mean, it is just like, what am I doing? So much insecurity. Am I doing?
Speaker 2:I say all of that to say that we need to see ourselves rightly, that we need to know that, hey, if you've got some gray hair, if you've got a family, if you've got some experience, if you're over the age of, you know, 40 or even like 30, that you are different from your mentee. And that's actually a really good thing, and you have things to offer. Embrace that. But just know that your mentee sees you different from how they see your peers or how they see their peers. That when they see you, they see a role model.
Speaker 2:When they see you, they see someone that they wanna that they wanna look up to, that they wanna be like. Your words matter. Your actions matter. And there is a weight to that. I actually think it's a good weight.
Speaker 2:But what a great challenge to all of us as mentors to pick up that weight and to carry that with sincerity.
Speaker 3:Totally. And let me also maybe add one more note to what you're saying in agreement, and that is that I think sometimes we're looking for a little bit of a gauge with our mentee to say, hey. Is this working? And I think one thing I wanna mention that sometimes if we are looking or if we do look for the response of our mentee, you mentioned that you can kinda see the results because of what our mentee needs. But there are some times when you'll make a decision based on the wisdom that you have and the perspective that you have in the relationship, and you'll feel like it was a miss because maybe your mentee didn't respond the way you were looking for them to.
Speaker 3:Just as an example, if you're kind of sharing something that would be very good for them because they have an issue and you and again, they don't they didn't just kind of come right back at you with with a very positive reaction about that. Sometimes if and you can attest to this, right, as a parent, we don't want to look to our kids to show us that we made the right decision because they could be upset with something, and and we gave them some really good advice. Those are the times I think that it's more important that we go to one of our colleagues, right, Someone who is older to say, hey, I gave this bit of advice or to our spouse and say, it didn't land as well as I would hope it would. And that can be the time when that person who has a similar perspective as ours with wisdom can say, I know that your mentee didn't give you the you what you were really looking for in that, but you you really did give some sage advice there. So, you know, be blessed by that.
Speaker 3:Move forward. And what I what I mean is our mentee doesn't always give us the best gauge for for us being able to to lead well.
Speaker 2:I have yet to experience this from my kids or my mentees. Oh, gee, dad. Oh, coach Garza. You know what? You're right.
Speaker 2:I am acting foolish right now. Man, thank you so much for disciplining me. I am very grateful for your wisdom and advice. Thank you for taking time out of your day and telling me how I can do better. I love you.
Speaker 2:It's not gonna happen.
Speaker 3:Maybe a point that's not written down is, you know what? Sometimes you just gotta be the bad guy.
Speaker 2:And be sick well, being the bad guy, I wouldn't go that far. I I would say that be secure in knowing that what you're doing is right. Hey. And that's where the holy spirit comes into play. Right?
Speaker 2:It's, like, it's up to you to follow the spirit's leading in saying those things that might be hard to hear and saying those things that no one else will will say it. Like, there's no one else who's going to pull my son aside and say, hey. Whenever you do this, this is what happens, and it's not gonna be good for you. They're in most of our mentees besides maybe a teacher or a coach. No one's gonna pull them aside and say, hey.
Speaker 2:When you do this, it's not good for you. Trust me. You need to fix it or else it's not gonna go well. Here's how to do that. I'm here for you.
Speaker 2:So be secure in doing the right thing no matter what. Saying the right thing no matter what. After you go to the spirit, after you go to friends and ask for wisdom and things like that, and just, you know, after you walk in wisdom and walk in counsel. So Amen. Alright.
Speaker 2:So this is a recap on what we've talked about. 1, don't be the old mentor who's wearing the backwards hat, who has the cool shoes, who's like, what's up, dog? How are you today in this rad crib kicking it? Don't be that guy. Instead, embrace the old instead of striving for relevance.
Speaker 2:Be a father, not a friend. See yourself rightly. And then lastly, the most important thing, in my opinion, he who called you is faithful. The Lord called you into this mentoring relationship. The Lord called you to invest.
Speaker 2:The Lord called you to love unconditionally, to show up, to enter into this kid's life, and to guide them and to support them. He's gonna use you. It might not look how you think it should look. You might not receive positive feedback, but know that God is faithful. Amen.
Speaker 2:His spirit over your strength, his guidance over your coolness. Right? Like, 90% of being a good mentor is just showing up and being like Jesus, maybe even a 100%. I don't know. Deep.
Speaker 2:But you don't have to strive. You don't have to earn their approval. Just be yourself. Just be who you are, and be confident that God's going to use you just as you are to transform this kid's life.
Speaker 3:That's it, man. Proverbs again 2029 that young men's strength is their glory. Old men's gray hair is their splendor. And what a beautiful thing about that, which is to say we all need one another. Right?
Speaker 3:We're all we all have attributes. We all have needs, and so we've been made in such a way not that one generation would look down on another saying that you're irrelevant or saying that you're lazy or whatever, but instead to say, oh, man. We really need each other, and, obviously, 1st and foremost, we need the Lord. So as a mentor, don't be afraid to go out there and miss that dunk. Alright?
Speaker 3:Don't be afraid to show that you maybe are not what you used to be because what you are now is even better.
Speaker 2:I will say you have something to offer. You are not too old a mentor. You are not you are not not cool
Speaker 3:enough. Terrible grammar. I apologize for that. Negative?
Speaker 2:But just know that God, all he needs is your yes. He can work with he can work with you. That's great. I love it. Alright.
Speaker 2:That's all we got today. You can mentor. John, anything else? How are you how are you feeling? Are you feeling more secure?
Speaker 2:You feeling more confident today?
Speaker 3:Yeah, man. This was really a a kind of a therapy because I feel like every time I heard my voice, I was like, wait a minute. Who is that smooth operator I'm hearing?
Speaker 2:I feel like that last sentence, you changed your voice a little bit, kinda deeper, kind of, hey, what's going on? You know what, man?
Speaker 3:I just I think maybe that's just attitude, you know?
Speaker 2:Alright. We're out. See you next week. You can mentor. Follow us social media.
Speaker 2:Send us emails because we're insecure and we love you. Bye.