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The Noon Hour Of Madness & Mayhem can be heard live on KBEAR 101 weekdays at 12pm MST. Viktor and Peaches talk about a wide variety of topics depending on the day and you never know what to expect!
[music plays] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
[music plays]
This is the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem, Friday edition. What up, Peaches?
I want more excitement out of that.
Eh, Peaches, but I'm, I'm not feeling- [laughs]
I don't care. Try it. Come on
... energetic and enthusiastic. [laughs] You can't fake it, Peaches. All right. It's the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem.
There we go.
All right. Did you read this article about, uh, Big Brother McDonald's?
No, I was reading about, uh, how Rob Lowe got bullied as a kid for being too pretty.
You know?
He said that in an interview. Uh, he was like, "I, I was bullied for being a pretty guy. Ooh, my steak's too juicy."
Yeah. I've, uh, seen this happen with, uh, like, skinny people.
You know, like how we give Jade grief. We're like, "Hey, Skeletor. Hey, you got a tapeworm?" Blah, blah... Like, nobody gets mad if you, like, make fun of skinny people, but it actually does hurt their feelings. But if you make fun of a fat person, you're like the worst person on the planet.
Dude, I got in trouble at In-N-Out because they hired some guy that was, like, 4 foot nothing, and me and him were making jokes back and forth with each other. And one of my former coworkers, Nicola, she got so upset. She was like, "If you make one more short joke about him, I'm going to HR."
Oh, my-
And it's like-
... geez
... me and, me and this dude are having a fun time. It's, it's, it's f- just fine to make fun of a tall guy, you know? I'm shocked they found a uniform big enough for this, this freak.
[laughs] Exactly. Look at that big oaf.
Yeah. For the 2nd-
Fee-fi-fo-fum.
The 2nd I say they cut out a pocket square to make this guy's In-N-Out pants 'cause he's that small-
[laughs]
... oh, he's the bad guy.
[laughs] Well, that's the, uh, the day and age we're living in, where the world's turned upside down and not a lot of things make much sense, Peaches. Yeah. No, like, th- this McDonald's article, apparently they have 100s of pages of intel on their repeat customers.
Oh. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I did talk about this earlier this week.
Yeah. They're tracking... I, I didn't see this somehow, but they're tracking, like, your food orders.
So they, they know what to recommend you the next time or something like that?
I guess, but have you ever had someone at McDonald's go, "Hey, what's up, Brandon? We know that you usually order a Big Mac, so we're, we're just gonna go ahead and assume that that's what you want, buddy." That's, that's kinda weird.
I haven't been to McDonald's in quite a long time, actually. Not to brag here, but I'm just saying. Like, I haven't been there in qui- so I, I'm, I'm sure they're wondering, "What happened to him? Why... How did we lose him as a customer? Let's go back to the pages here. What, what did we... Where did we go wrong?"
But I guess I would assume every company, if you're using an app, they are tracking your orders and that information's stored somewhere.
Well, my Taco Bell pages must be through the roof.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I got, like, 30,000 lifetime points on that app. [both laughing]
You get free stuff every time you fire up the app?
Oh, sure. Yeah, I got the, uh, the birthday treat for the month of August.
Ooh.
I got, I got the free Mountain Dew Frozen Baja Blast. You know, the, one of the little ice, icy things you can scoop out?
Ah.
Yeah, one of those.
I don't recall them giving me anything, but, uh, Culver's, I think, did hook me up with some ice cream.
Oh, nice.
Or I guess frozen custard, if I wanna be accurate.
It's good over there. Some good stuff over there, for sure.
Heck yeah. Now they just need to bring back a burger that I would like.
Well, I saw they brought back the, uh... Oh, no, that was Wendy's, I thought, the, the Pretzel Bacon Pub burger.
Yeah, and I wasn't very into that one.
Oh, that was a good one.
No.
I like a good pretzel bun.
Culver's got one with, uh, fried pickles on it and-
Why?
I don't know.
Let's choose the worst topping for a burger and then fry it.
Well, and last month it was jalapeno, you know?
That's good.
I, I-
Which is funny 'cause I, I, I, I say that's acceptable. That's one small step away from being a pickle.
It's very close. [laughs]
It's very, very close. [laughs]
[laughs] It's very close. So, uh, yes, if we could get the... What was it? Dr. Pepper Pub burger or-
What was the one that you really, really liked? Was it that one?
Yeah.
Yeah. The p-
It was so good. It was so good. And that was, like, 2 years ago. I don't think we'll ever get it again.
You were trying to peer pressure me to get into that cr- getting that, uh, Curder Burger. You're like, "Come on, Peaches."
Holy crap.
"That thing is a, a, a mountain of food. You can do it, fatty." Like...
I, I, I haven't... I don't think I've ever felt as guilty eating anything as the Curder Burger, because the cheese curd patty was bigger than the burger patty. [laughs]
It's disgusting.
It was so good.
I, I hate big food. I think big-
Yeah?
... food is so gross.
It's so weird 'cause you're a big dude.
You see? There it is.
Big dude, big food.
Yeah. See, I just... Uh, see, if I were to make fun of you for being short, all of a sudden I get that email from Jade-
[laughs]
... "Hey, could you please not pick on the vertically challenged Victor Wilt?"
'Cause it makes me cry, Peaches. [laughs]
Sure. If I cry, it makes a puddle for you. [music plays]
So Peaches just brought this up. You said you talked about it on your, uh, show yesterday?
I talked about it on the show today because, you know, I pre-record that thing.
Ah, okay.
So, uh, I, I, I saw the story yesterday and just... I was already done with the show by the time I saw it, and then I emailed it to you, Josh, and V- uh, Jade saying, "Hey, we should have this in the bullpen."
Uh, we should have it in Jade's office.
Oh, even better.
Yeah. So she's got a corner of her classroom, the fart corner, and if you need to fart, you go over there and you fart. Take about 10 seconds, spray, go sit down, and nobody cares. That's what she says.
Yeah, but do you think the other students are gonna be like, "Ooh, ah," like, uh, like with the, the how vicious the fart is?
Well, that's the thing. She's like, "We're just trying to keep the funk in one area." I-
It's gonna spread.
Yeah. I have witnessed toxic, toxic farts that were so bad they spread through, like, an entire concert crowd, and you could almost see the fart
simply by watching the facial reactions.
It's like the gr- the green smoke going around.
[laughs] Yeah. The... So y- you could watch the fart travel like a ghost through the crowd as the people got just the face of disgust. Ugh.
You get that one guy who's, like, into it, so he starts floating while he's smelling a nice pie.
Yeah, and sometimes they just linger. Like, there have been times when I farted at, like, 7:30 in the morning. You walk in and you're like, "Dude, it stinks like a fart in here."
There was a family in front of us at the Bill Murray concert. The, the kid was just ripping. I don't know if he had a bur- a Salt Lake City burrito or whatever-
[laughs]
... but every 10 seconds... You know, like, those little tiny, uh, those little tiny machines that will spray, like, air freshener-
Yeah
... into the room? The psst, and then you'll see, like, the little... Yeah, that's what this kid was doing. He was just-
Ugh. [fart noise]
And so I was like, "You know what? That's it. Here's my tactic." And I went around the family and just stood in front of them with my arms crossed.
Good.
And then the family was like, "Oh, I'll get this big guy out of the way." And then they just moved-
Did you at least fart on them?
Uh, I didn't have anything in the chamber at that time.
Ah.
Me and Jeff have been having this, this gas warfare, uh, against each other. Uh, we... so we were recording the noon hour the day that you called out because, you know, you just wanted the day off, you liberal. Uh-
Yeah, 'cause I'm, I'm lazy and a drunk-
Yeah, exactly
... apparently. Taking too many shots-
L and D
... since I just drink tons of hard liquor all the time.
Victor Lazy and Drunk Wilt.
Oh.
There we go.
That, that made me mad. It's like, do not just assume why I'm out of work. You have no idea-
Well, I did talk about it on the air
... what could be going on.
I'm like, "Let's make bets why Victor called out here. His tummy hurt." Like, I was making a joke out of it.
Yeah, well-
Like, I clearly, I don't care. [chuckling] But like...
Yeah, it, uh... I was out because of a, a personal issue.
Yeah, right. That makes sense.
You know?
Yeah.
And, yeah, you shouldn't just assume. And when you're-
People can take days off no matter what. Who cares?
And it's like, you know, the dude clearly listens to the show.
Yeah, yeah.
'Cause he's like, "Why don't you just put in some more Best Ofs tomorrow? You know, blah, blah, blah. You're hammered right..." And like, my conversation that was going on with this guy,
you know, it wa- it was very coherent. I was putting my sentences together. What... why do you just assume, "He's wasted 'cause he's making an opinion"? Trust me, I can make opinions as sober as can be.
Oh, I know.
Uh, tune in every weekday morning from 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM. [chuckling] I don't stumble into work.
So, uh, as Jeff and I were recording the noon hour that day, um, I, I blatantly lifted up one side and just f- let it rip. And Jeff wasn't even paying attention. He was just kind of, like, smiling, staring at this, like, pole light in the corner.
Mm-hmm.
And, and then I started the break going, "Jeff, I totally just ripped one. How did you not see me do that?" And he got all offended. And then so fast-forward a few hours later after we were done with the whole show, he comes, like, hobbling into the studio. It looks like he's about to, like, go into his pants. He opens up the door and just farts right here in front of me.
So he's learning from Jade.
Yeah.
Learning bad workplace behaviors from Jade.
And then yesterday, all of a sudden, I- I'm pre-recording, uh, the, the K-Bear Show, and I'm sitting there in the Z103 studio. And all of a sudden, I look to my left and I see a butt entering the room 1st.
[laughs]
Jeff was backing up like a, like a, like a guy with a trailer. [laughs]
Brr, brr, brr.
I'm like, "Whoa, whoa."
[laughs]
And he's like, "I'm just kidding. I was just faking you out." I'm like-
[laughs]
... "Jeff, I'm about to get some stink bombs from this specific store in Seal Beach. I don't care if I get in trouble with bringing them through TSA. I'm gonna squeeze..." You know th- those things you squeeze-
Yeah, yeah, yeah
... and you throw them in the room?
Yeah, they're disgusting.
Yeah, I should... But then he was like, "I'll get fart spray."
All right, you know-
And I'm like, I'm like, "I'll bring in a live skunk."
All right, guys, we don't need to torture the entire office. You guys keep your fart games to yourself.
And I said, "You know what, Jeff? I'm gonna bring them back in. I'm gonna bring in th- these sardines."
I've had it with you too.
And I'm gonna p- leave the open container somewhere in his office, kind of like what the story Lieutenant Crane was telling us, and kind of like what I did to that one girl at TMZ when I, when I had tuna on crackers and she made such a big deal.
[laughs]
She was, like, not even nearly as bad as Jade. Jade that day was just, "Oh, that smells like old seafood. Ah!" Like, he, he wanted an Oscar for his performance.
Oh, yeah.
But this girl at TMZ was so upset that I brought in tuna and I was putting it on crackers. "Oh, that smells up the w- the PA bar, what..." The whole thing.
You should've just brought in some salmon and stuck it in the microwave.
But no, I left the open can of tuna with some remnants still inside below her computer.
Good.
And she w- "Oh, why does it still smell like the tuna in here?"
[laughs]
So I should do that to Jeff's computer.
Uh, yeah.
He, he-
Smear tuna all across his-
... he wanders away from his office often enough.
Yeah, smear it all throughout his keyboard.
Ugh.
Yeah.
All right.
Uh, let's play some Sublime for you disgusting people.
Oh, gross. I don't have another smelly old sardines. [instrumental music]
It's the noon hour of madness and mayhem. How's it going, Peaches?
Uh, y- you had me thinking about that one time there was, uh, a particular listener that I must have made very upset, um, that I think lived down in Pocatello-
Okay
... um, that emailed our, our boss at the time saying, "Tell Peaches to stop talking about California-
Oh, yeah
... his dad, and his height and how big he is." And I'm like, "What do you want me to talk about then, doofus?" Like, like, honestly, that's my whole upbringing. Like, if you come-
Yeah
... if you come in with your life story talking about how you grew up in Pocatello, and then I go, "Don't talk about Pocatello, how you love trucks, how you love your tractor, all of this crap, and go."
Yeah.
What, what are you gonna talk about?
That, yeah, that was one of the most ridiculous complaints.
And it's, it's so... I, I really hate people who just go behind your back and then talk to somebody else.
Yeah, and what's weird is, like, we get people who will call and they're b- they'll straight up say, like, "You need to fire this person."
Yeah, that's disgusting.
Would you do that to, say, a McDonald's, you know, employee forgot to take the onions off your burger? You know? Would you call up and be like, "Chris, who was at the front window, screwed up my order. I demand you fire him immediately." Nobody does that. But us,
apparently people think, "Yeah,
they don't have any right to say things that don't, you know, click with my brain perfectly. Fire 'em."
Uh, so you know The Woody Show in LA? They have, uh, The Crossroads.
Yeah.
And it's where they highlight those listeners that send in complaint emails. And the, the emails that get sent to the station where they try to go behind the show's back-
Uh-huh
... also gets sent to the show themselves, and so they just make fun of those people. And the one lady didn't even get the show right. This is how stupid people are.
[laughs]
She was like, "Uh, how dare you, um, try to extort an answer out of somebody by bribing them with roses."
Oh my gosh. [laughs]
Talking about Ryan's roses. And so they're making a whole thing about, "Menace's roses here." Oh, [laughs] and then, and then they were actually alluding to the fact that all those are fake.
Yeah.
And I can't believe that, like, the same market, the same building in Los Angeles, they're talking about how that bit is fake. Yeah. I- I- I find that it's... I'm so happy that we're trying to, you know, kind of subtly now be like, "Hey, let's get rid of the old radio ways."
Well, we should. Pretty much all the old radio ways, uh, they're pointless now.
Yeah.
You know, we need to do something different, uh, to try to keep people interested. And, you know, these vanilla playlists, everybody playing the same thing, talking about, uh, the same crap 'cause they all read the same radio prep, doing fake bits like that, fake prank phone calls,
getting the wacky whistle out. [wailing]
That's why on Z 103 I'm just being myself. I'm talking about that fart corner.
You should.
I'm talking about, you know, my physical therapist putting his whole hand on my sacrum, you know?
[laughs]
[laughs] I want some woman to be appalled in her car going, "Who is this dirty, dirty bird in the afternoon?" [laughs]
Well, Z's needed a, a little bit of, uh, livening up, Peaches, so-
You know what's been happening as of late? These gnats have been coming up my drain in the bathroom sink for whatever reason.
Hmm.
And they're, like, flying... Or, like, there's like, there's 3 or 4 of them around the sink. And my stupid butt was like, "You know what? Let me grab some water and splash them like I'm basting a steak with butter." And that's all I was doing. I was trying to splash them with the water [laughs] and they're d- they're drowning. [laughs] I'm just standing there going, "Peaches." [laughs] [instrumental music plays]
All right, Peaches. Last break, I started babbling about something else, and you intended to talk about a different topic. What was that?
Uh, Shane Gillis was on the, uh, Joe Rogan podcast.
Yes.
And he was talking about, allegedly... Now, I haven't seen the... I haven't watched the episode, but supposedly Shane must have said something about Salt Lake City-
I, I-
... and how he was chased by a homeless person in downtown Salt Lake City.
Yes.
And the mayor of Salt Lake has now responded against Shane. And in all honesty, Salt Lake City is not bad. It's not-
No
... it's, it's not a bad city in any way, shape, or form. As a matter of fact, it's good, you know?
For a big city?
A- a- as a guy who's, who's grown up near downtown Long Beach-
Yeah
... downtown Los Angeles, uh, Compton, Inglewood, uh, just to name a few, uh, Salt Lake City is like paradise compared to those places.
Oh, yeah. And, uh-
And that's not coming off as, like, hope- potentially racist, you know? It's, it's just saying, like, the, the, the living conditions of the, the, the, the, the buildings and all of that in downtown Long Beach, uh, all, all around Southern California, they suck.
Yeah, I-
The downtown area is horrible d- down there.
I've spent a lot of time in downtown Salt Lake. Um-
I've never had a homeless person
chase me. [laughs] Espe- Shane's, uh, not a small dude either.
No.
So I don't think they-
No.
I don't think he would feel threatened. Maybe, I don't know.
Let's see what he said here. So the mayor has, uh, heard his viral comments, and, uh, he said when he performed earlier in his career, he thought Salt Lake was the cleanest, nicest city. But when he visited later with friends, said, "We landed and there were 10 homeless guys chasing us." Now, Shane Gillis is a comedian. Salt Lake City, I've been to areas of it that, uh, can get pretty sketch.
I can't count 10 homeless people I've seen in Salt Lake.
Really?
Yeah. I've never...
You're not going to the right areas.
Oh, the right areas. Excuse me. Sorry.
[laughs]
I'm not going to the-
Yeah.
I'm not going to Salt Lake Skid Row. My bad.
E- e- exactly. But I- I've always felt pretty safe in Salt Lake City. Um, I think Shane's just being Shane-
But also w-
... just trying to be funny
... we have people here that over-exaggerate and go, "Man, we're turning into Salt Lake, Idaho Falls, the next LA."
Yeah. "Oh, it's so bad here. Let me tell you. I'm just scared to death. You know, walk around my neighborhood, I'm like, 'Oh,
no!'"
[laughs] I think I'm a part of the problem by walking around the Greenbelt in a hoodie at 11:00 PM.
Yeah, the only, the only creep I know out walking around at night [laughs] is you.
[laughs] Is me. [laughs] Just listening to sad songs-
Yeah
... and getting my steps in.
Uh, let's see.
"Somebody love me."
What did the mayor say? Let's see here. Okay, 'cause one commenter said there are beggars on every street.
Okay.
Um, and I mean, I've seen... There, there's certainly plenty of homeless people in downtown Salt Lake, but-
In the right places, according to you.
Well, I, I think they're in most areas of downtown, but I've, I've never been hassled by one, as, as far as I'm aware.
I just remember there was one time a homeless guy right by the, uh, Idaho Falls Public Library, and somebody posted a picture [laughs] of the guy and said, "Let's get him out of here," [laughs] in the Life Idaho Falls Facebook group.
[sighs] That is so messed up. Like, y- you don't know what gets people in those positions. Try to have a little bit of empathy, people.
I, I think what happened is that he was taking shots before his morning show.
[laughs] Shots, shots, shots. [laughs]
[laughs]
So the mayor said, "We've had a..." Or, "A lot's happened since 2020. We had an office-based economy in downtown that is now entertainment, retail, recreation-based." And, uh, there was a different experience in Salt Lake City during the pandemic. So maybe Shane came during that time or something, and everything sucked. No matter where you went during 2020-
Oh, it was awful
... it, it was terrible everywhere. So-
As soon as someone brings COVID up, I just, I just exit out, turn it off, whatever.
I mean, doesn't the mayor have something better to do than, like, make a statement about a clip from a podcast?
Well, you say that, but then you also have Gavin Newsom, who's fighting Nick Shirley, 'cause Nick Shirley's trying to make S- California better by getting rid of the Somalian daycares taking money. And then Gavin Newsom just openly insults the guy. [laughs]
Yeah, I think Gavin Newsom's trying to be a, uh, celebrity politician, you know?
Oh, for sure.
Yeah. I mean, he's, it... I just, I know he's been battling with Joe Rogan, you know? Joe Rogan's afraid to have me on his show.
Oh, yeah. Joe Rogan wouldn't be afraid of a- of, of you whatsoever, Gavin. [laughs] Come on.
And that would be a great show. I'd, I'd bring him in, 'cause I've heard Joe Rogan talk tons of crap on, uh, Gavin Newsom.
And you wanna have a good discussion like that.
Yeah, those are the kind of things people wanna listen to, you know? You wanna just sit there and listen to people agree with each other all day?
Obviously, you don't wanna hear, like, the personal insults because that's not gonna add anything to the conversation, but-
And, and I don't think they would-
Right
... 'cause they'd be face-to-face.
Yeah.
You know, things are different when you talk to somebody face-to-face.
It's also kind of frightening when you go to someone who's bald and has cauliflower ears and, you know, has a... [laughs] was a, a black belt in jujitsu or whatever and-
Yeah
... can kick you into oblivion. [laughs] You try to threaten that guy with physical violence, you're not gonna go anywhere.
Ah, yeah. Let's make it happen. Come on, Gavin Newsome and, Newsom and Joe Rogan. That'd be great.
Oh, that'd be, that'd be... Well, I would, I would... Like, that's... Yeah, that would be the 1st political episode I think I would tune into.
Yeah. That's why I stopped listening to Rogan, was 'cause it was all politics for a long time. Uh, s- seems like hopefully he's getting a little bit out of that. Um, but that one I would definitely listen to. I, I bet it would be really good. So anyway, Peaches, that's the end of this program, the noon hour of Madness of Mayhem.
I did see that Corona bottle on your desk. You gonna down that too?
Shot. No, that's shots.
[laughs]
Let me shots. [laughs] Shh. Jade might be listening.
Make sure you have some Everclear. [laughs]
I gotta go hide my bottles.
She has a bar cart. [laughs]
I got, I got... Yeah. I, I, I thought when I brought that giant globe in that it wouldn't be suspicious. [laughs]
[laughs] A giant globe. [laughs] [instrumental music plays]
The Noon Hour of Madness of Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [instrumental music plays]