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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Dad Tired podcast. Wanna thank my friends over at Classical Conversations for sponsoring today's episode? Interested in homeschooling classical conversations can help you lead your child to a world of possibilities by equipping you with a proven curriculum and support from a local community of homeschool families.
You're their first teacher, be their best teacher. Learn how to make homeschooling doable. Visit classical conversations.com/dad tired. Ed, I am so excited to be sitting down with you today, man. I wanna talk about your new book called Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World. Which man do we need more resources on that topic?
But before we jump into that, maybe just tell us who you are and what you're up to these days. Uh, it's a pleasure to be with you. My name is Ed Drew, and I'm speaking to you from southwest London in the uk. I'm married to Mary. We have three kids who are aged between eight and 15. And I lead an organization called Faith in Kids, which is trying to help parents and churches work together to raise children to know Christ.
The old story, the good story of parents getting help and churches being at the heart of the story, man, even that introduction piqued my interest. That's really fascinating. That's a, those thoughts, the way you just articulated that is very, very rare. The the thought of that we would, as a church community, think about raising our kid.
I love that because it kind of brings up the idea of a village, which we say that often takes a village, but really we're pretty isolated as parents. Most of us don't feel like we have a village raising our kids. We feel like we're on, in, on our own on this. I would love to, uh, I know this isn't maybe necessarily explicitly what the book is talking about, but what does that even start to look like for a church community to say, these are the kids that God has given to us as a community.
And how do we raise them up? Well, firstly I wanna say it is in the book, there's a chapter in there where we look at what it means that we are not alone in this. And that is the work of the spirit, but it's also the partnership of the church. Both are happening, I think, around the world. There will be a whole diversity of ways that churches would be doing this.
And I suspect that the sort of more affluent and western. A culture is the less we are willing to share our lives and share the burden of parenting with each other through church, is that I suspect in some of the cultures they're being in out of each other's houses and people will be speaking to each other's kids and you know, at our best.
I think we all want that. I don't often meet people who are sort of saying, you know, no one must come into my home and no one must talk to my children. I think there's a sense of we all want it to happen more. I remember a story of, uh, a single mom going to her church with her two teenagers, and she said that Sunday she'd walked into church, she'd pushed her two kids in front of her and said, talk to anyone.
And, and that sense of, I trust everyone in this room. I'm not even gonna tell you which one you need to speak to, but we are both clear. We've had a bad week, we are clear. We are not doing that well right now. When I come to church, I'm not just gonna put on a game face. We are not just gonna whisper in our kids ears.
You've just gotta be well-behaved till we get out the door in two hours time. The church is the place where we get to say, find someone to support you, find someone to have a conversation with, get someone to pray with you at the end. I imagine a lot of that happens in the context of the church gathering throughout the week in order for that to really happen.
Has that been your sense in what you see in that like. You know, it's one thing that we, we would go worship together on a Sunday. I want my kids next to me. I think there's just something. So I wrote about that in the the new stat tired book. But there's something so beautiful about your 6-year-old standing next to you, worshiping God and the couple next to you in their eighties, who have been faithful to Christ for years.
You know, they're just such a beautiful image there. But I want that, and I also want my friends who love Jesus. At the soccer game, cheering my kids on and talking to 'em about what it looks like to follow Jesus when they just lost a game that meant a lot to them. You know, on a Tuesday, if we have a clear vision of what the new creation is gonna be, you know, in the, in the new creation, we are gonna be, we pray, we are gonna be stood next to our daughters and sons as brothers and sisters, and we are gonna have our arms around our mate from the soccer team.
And our neighbor who we've seen come to the Lord and the elderly folk who we have cherished in our local church. And, and if we keep that vision alive of the new creation, being vibrant and joyful, and a gathering and, you know, we're not gonna, each family won't be stood in a little white circle on the floor with our names, with a little tag on it.
We get to imagine and daydream what the new creation is like. But as Christians, we are fighting against a culture which says, become ever more private and become ever more lonely, and become ever more isolated and become ever more angry. And the new creation gives us a vision of what our families can be in our communities.
Yeah. I want you to be clear, I don't have this in my family right now, and I don't have this in my church right now, but I know I want it. And I know life would be sweeter if I had it. Yeah, I, man, I appreciate that honesty. I've got a group of friends, we just moved across the country and we've found some friends that we really love and cherish here.
We've talked about the, the dads. We meet together and we've talked about what does it look like for us together to try to raise our kids together, and I don't know, you know, really what that looks right now. It just means. We're celebrating some holidays together and barbecuing in the backyard together and showing up at each other's games, which, by the way, I apologize for CI realize I called it soft Love that we can really live with this.
Come on, we can really live with that. I, and you know, the first step that's impressive there is you've, you've invited them in. You know, you've said, I'd love you to be a part of my family. I do. There are huge barriers to even saying that. You know, the shame we might feel the brokenness we have the ongoing argument in our family, whatever it is.
Yeah. To say to someone, I want you in my family and you're gonna see some messy bits and I'd love you to bear with us to say that to other dads, to say that to the single person in your church who's just a cracking role model for your kids to say that to the granny and granddad figures because your, your parents live on the other side of the country.
I think the big step is, do I want them in my family? Yeah, my son just turned 12 yesterday. So I think there's a big part, especially at that age too, where you know, I'm gonna need other men who can help speak into his identity outside of just his dad. 'cause he's now entered in or entering into the stage where I'm not the most influential voice in his life, which I could spend the next 25 minutes just crying about that fact and how hard that is.
But that's the reality. And so I, I really do want these other men and, and women and these, these families to speak into who he is and just to give them permission to say, like, you, you have that. I want you to see yourself as that role that you can come alongside of us as parents and help us raise our kids.
I think there's something really, really beautiful in that, but I think you're right. It takes the intentionality to together say, we're gonna, let's do this. Let's stumble our way through this the best that we can. I mentioned identity there, but which I know is, that's such a huge part of your, this newest book that you have.
What pressed you to write a book on identity for our kids? It actually started with a conversation with a friend on the topic of sexuality. In that we were having a conversation together. He was, he's more, he's involved in adult ministry involved in, uh, networking with church leaders. And he was just explaining that he saw that in order to have the conversation.
A lot of churches are wondering at the moment, what would it mean for our church to understand and to welcome in people who are same sex attracted? You know, there's the complexity of we want to be a church that's open to everyone. But some people come with difficult stories and difficult situations that are, that are pastorally messy, and we are gonna, we might have to work out if they become Christians, what it's gonna mean.
And he just went on to say, well, the striking thing is, is we are not actually talking about sexuality. What we are talking about is identity in that if a church understands what defines us is not what we do, but who we are. Because if we know who we are, we can welcome anyone in to here. And say, you are welcome to become a Christian.
To be a Christian. And if you've, if you've got that piece clear, you understand you can welcome anyone in, and I maybe you've known, I've known people say, is it okay for me to come to church if I'm not a Christian? Do you mind? And of course it's okay. So he went on to say he finds himself having to explain identity.
Because if you get identity right, you get much clearer as a church who's welcoming, who isn't welcoming, how does it work, what do you teach people? What are you trying to explain? And he, he finished by saying, if only our kids got this, if only we could explain to kids. Christianity is primarily about identity, not about what we do.
Yeah. That answer just has so many personal layers to it. I came out of a counseling session one hour ago. Where I was the client. Okay. I wasn't counseling somebody, I was the client and just dealing through my, with my own identity stuff and trying to figure out, you know, what does it look like to just be in Christ and not have identified trying to live out of my identity and what I can do and accomplish.
I think as parents, we've talked about this a lot, but I think it's worth talking about over and over again. So many of us fall into the trap of. Just wanting to manage our child's behavior. We really want them to behave well. I guess it would take a totally different perspective on parenting to slow down and to back up and to say, I'm not just trying to manage their behavior here.
I'm trying to help shape their identity or help point them back to their identity. Can you like zoom us out? How does a parent start to reorient their parenting to be more identity based? And not behavior based. Yeah. There's a phrase some people know in corporate circles, which is culture eats strategy for breakfast, which is, and I think this counts for family life, which is we can make it our strategy to parent based on identity to take a bit longer to be careful of behavior.
Sorry, to be careful of talking about who we are, rather just behavior, but. It. It's the air we breathe. I kind of wanna encourage parents, I'm sure you're doing this in that, for instance, if you imagine you don't say to your children, do you feel like you are my son today or before bedtime? How do you think you've done today at being my daughter?
Or do you think you'll still be in my family tomorrow? You know, none of family life is not based on performance. We are all clear. Our children, their identity is our children. They belong in our family. Coming home is where they are safe and we are totally clear. That's how it works. You know what makes you my child is not how today has gone.
What makes me your father is not based on how many hours I've spent with you Now that's the Christian story. That's why. God describes himself as our father so that we get, that's the level of belonging we are talking about. Jesus talked about the lost and the found. He talked about bringing people home.
He talked about the sick and the Well, it's all identity, language rather than behavior. The sheep is lost. It's not badly behaved, and so this is the air we breathe. So the first thing to say is you are doing it. Parents, you do get this. It's intuitive. It's how you love your kids. That's why you love your kids more than your neighbor's kids.
It's 'cause these are yours. It just means there's just a couple more lines when we're talking about the behavior of our kids with them. It might be, for instance, instead of let's share. It's Jesus shared everything, and that's who we are as a family. He gave up his life to share. So we don't share because we are nice.
We don't share because that kid's sad. We share because it's part of who we are. Hmm. Man, that's gospel parenting right there, which I love. So the, I mean, just to tie it back to, for a parent, just thinking through practically it sounds like. A lot of the language we can use and should use in this identity shifting is this is who we are.
Like this is using language, like this is who we are as a family. So that would be step one. And then step two is why are we like this as a family? And we're like this because, well, we share, because Christ shared. Jesus shared everything with us. The Father shared everything with us. You know, that kind of stuff, which is if every parent could just pause and be like, okay, next time I'm doing something with my kids, the first step is.
Let's tell, not just tell 'em what to do, but who we are. And then let me try the best again. We're all gonna stumble through this and it's gonna take a, this is why we read our Bibles. Not just 'cause it's the nice Christian thing to do, but because we want to know who God is and what he's like. And then we want to be those kind of people that emulate and model who God is like.
So step one would be, here's who we are. And step two is, here's why we are like that as a family. It's because this is who God is. That's really, really helpful. I think one of the things that people, when they just see your book raising Confident Kids and, and in the tagline there, in a confusing world, it feels like things have never been more confusing in our lifetime.
Our kids are going to schools and they're gonna interact in a culture that seems like it's gonna be really, really confusing for them to figure out who they are. Some parents probably feel really nervous about that. Because I can tell my kids all day long, this is who we are and this is why we are who we are.
But then I send them to school, or I send them out into the world and the world's telling them completely different message about who they're, I guess I'm trying to ask a question in that, but what would you say to the, to the parents that just feels a little bit overwhelmed by that reality? I mean, the first thing I'd say is this is why we're Christians, we're Christians.
For We are not the Messiah. I suspect parenting could be one of the first times for many of us in our lives, we realize we can't do it. Yeah. You know, with our health, with our home, with our mortgage, with our money, with our job, generally, we probably can fix it. Maybe in our marriage we might be able to, in our parenting, we can't.
We cannot be the parents our kids need, we are not with them all the time. Now, this isn't just blind faith, you know that our kids do whatever they like and we just pray. But just the sense of the Lord's got them. Do I trust him to have them? I think so. Firstly, it's, it's on the parent. Do I believe this?
Do I believe that the Lord has got this In a world that frightens me? I think then we just need to check ourselves and be clear. We are not the first generation who has felt scared for their kids. You know, if you grew up, my dad was born in the war, he and his parents have a really real clarity about what it is to not feel safe around the world.
We have brothers and sisters who go to bed at night, not certain what will happen to their kids in the morning. So we are not the worst off who have ever been. But then thirdly, I guess we just wanna acknowledge. Our kids probably are growing up to a different world, to the ones we grew up in, in the UK as in the us more and more.
Being a Christian and living like a Christian is not normal. Holding to Christian values is not normal. Probably calling yourself a Christian, that's not so odd, but being different. That is. So again, we wanna reassure each other as Christian brothers. The Lord has got this. The Lord is not sitting there scratching his head thinking, whew, we've got a problem with the UK and the us.
I, I can't see how this is gonna work out. He's totally got this. He's totally got your family. He's got you. Let's have faith. Let's know what it's to live for him. Let's take that scenario and make it even more specific. So there, let's imagine that there is a child who comes home, maybe fifth, sixth, seventh grader, eighth grader and beyond, comes home from school and they tell their parents, I'm confused about my identity and my gender, which is, um, becoming more the norm in our culture.
Say, how does a parent respond to something like that? I think the first thing is I. Don't let all the little people in your head go nuts and run around. Don't let your faith, you know, don't blurt out something you're gonna really regret later. So, so first of all, by yourself, some time count to five, take a deep breath.
The world is not about to end. The Lord has got this conversation. Secondly, ask some questions before you come up with a perfect answer to a situation that you don't even know is in front of you. Ask some questions, tell me why you feel that. Tell me what it is you want for yourself. I, I think a large part of the conversation about gender is about what our children want for themselves, and they don't see it in being a boy or being a girl.
So, and I think as Christians, we, I think we just need to check, do we have some gender stereotypes that might be unhelpful? So as Christians, I think that there's a sort of sneaking suspicion that our girls need to be blonde hair, blue-eyed and wear dresses or some cultural equivalent of that. And do our boys need to play rough sports and, I don't know, earn a heap of money?
The Bible doesn't talk about that. The Bible talks about boys have a boy's body and girls have a girl's body, and after that you have real freedom. What you do with it. If it's godly, you can do it. Girls can climb trees and play rough sports, and boys can write songs and poetry. This is allowed. We have Bible people who did all of that.
We have women leading men into battle, and we have men, David, writing half the book of Psalms so we can ask good questions. We cannot fear, we cannot panic. I'm also saying there is truth. There is truth out there. Every single cell of a boy's body is male, and every single cell of a girl's body is female and they're different, but we may not need to get there right away.
And the same, I imagine would be true. So we were talking about gender there, but obviously sexuality would be part of that. That's a really confusing identity for our kids as they grow up. That's going to be something that's pushed on them. I mean, quite literally the, the culture might say, well, how do you know?
That you like that? Yeah. Or gen or you know that you prefer that sexuality or whatever. How do we navigate those conversations as parents? Again, I think in an atmosphere of calm, you also celebrate the fact your child wants to talk to you about this. Hmm. Celebrate the fact they've chosen you and make it your goal as a parent that they can always bring the hardest things to you by making sure you have talked about the hardest things first.
So wouldn't you love your child to talk to you about this first rather than last? Yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't you love your child to come to you with the thing that they're really worrying about and they're really nervous about? So let's create cultures in our families where we are talking about the hardest things, where we are mentioning sexuality and gender before they do.
Yeah. I think also with, with sexuality in particular, our, our children are being encouraged younger and younger to have labels for themselves. Yeah. So, um, I have a friend, I tell this story in the book whose daughter came home, age nine, saying I'm bisexual. And the mom to her great credit said, why do you think that?
And her daughter said, well, at school today, I was told if I'm a girl and I like other girls, I'm gay. And if I'm a girl and I like boys, I'm heterosexual. I like playing with girls and boys. I must be bisexual. Jeez. So her mom got to say very calmly. My love. You are not bisexual. You're just a great friend to boys and girls.
That can be the beginning of a conversation about puberty and about how our feelings change as we get older, but what that mom did brilliantly is show you don't need to shut down the conversation, clarify the Christian sexual ethic and tell her she's never said anything like that again. The mum asked good questions, understood that there's a misunderstanding here, and also understood it is not helpful for an eight or 9-year-old, 10 or 11-year-old to be announcing their sexuality because we are clear.
Science is clear. It may even be our story that throughout these years we wonder things and we imagine things and we try and find things out. And it's okay to wonder those things, particularly in a family where you get to talk to your dad about these things, to your mom about these things. We've really leaned on the side of like, we, like you said, we just want to have these conversations first.
So I, I some, I can't remember if it was a guest on the show or where I heard it, but one of the driving factors of why student or why young people end up leaving the faith altogether is because they feel like their parents. Didn't have a real understanding of the real world. And so they grew up and their parents, you know, kind of, they, they viewed their parents as sheltered or in a box and then they got into the real world and they met a professor, a group of friends or whatever, said, this is what the real world is like.
And so I just, uh, I actually told my kids that study, about that study because I wanted them just to be aware of that fact. I thought, I don't know if that was helpful or not, but I just wanted to tell them, yeah, you know, you're gonna be told when you leave here one day that this. Home was sheltered and we didn't really know enough about the world, but that kind of led to, we just wanna be the first ones to have those conversations.
And, and obviously you, you want to be nuanced, and I'm not having that conversation with my 4-year-old mm-hmm. But with my 10-year-old and my 12-year-old, like I, I'm okay bringing up age appropriate, being the first one to initiate those conversations and just asking questions and coming back to biblical truth, like, and, and helping them understand how do we know it's true.
What does the Bible say is true? What if somebody says, well, that's not true, and that's only what you believe. You know, really helping them learn how to critically think their own thoughts and to think through it, the opposite side of what somebody might tell them. But I love what you said there, like just to pause first, to be calm, to ask yourself to learn how to ask good questions.
I think the fear that we would have or the danger we could get in as parents. Would be that we just start to react and say things and then they turn 18 and they never got to have that conversation with mom and dad, and now they get to have a dialogue with a professor or a friend at school, and they think that that's much more helpful than their upbringing.
Would you agree? There's some truth in the idea that we don't fully understand their world, and so presumably it's, it's okay to keep listening to our children to understand what, what, what are you hearing? Yeah. What are you feeling? Yeah. Well, I absolutely don't understand. I think, I think, I can't remember, again, I was having a conversation with some, but at some level, I don't know when the, when it tipped over, but at some point our parents raised us.
Their parents raised them, and the, and there was a lot of like common threads through it, but at some point that there was a flip, there was a switch that got flipped, and the reality that our kids are living in really is so different. Mm-hmm. Then the reality that many of us grew up in. So I think you're right.
Like I would be foolish to make assumptions that I would understand, you know, their peers and their peer groups, and I'm sure the internet had a lot to do with that and that switch being flipped. But man, it, yeah, you're right. It's completely changed when you're thinking through a child who's feeling rejected or worthless, a child who they're dealing with a deep sense of identity, and it's just be coming from like, I'm not good enough.
I don't feel worthy enough, uh, whether that goes all the way to the extreme to, I don't even want to be on this earth, or just the basic stuff that kids feel of that deep sense of shame or unworthiness. How do parents navigate that kind of identity? Uh, my oldest 15-year-old daughter is taking public exams at the moment, so we have two in the UK have two big chunks of public exams, and it's sort of 15, 16 and 1718.
So she, um, is spending every day in exams at the moment for the first time. And there was a moment, uh, when she was taking her, we call them mocks, you know, uh, six months ago, first go at them and she was in tears. One evening she shouted into my face, I'm gonna fail all of these. And I was talking to my uncle, who isn't a Christian about that moment.
And I said to him, I said to my daughter in that moment, and that would be okay. My love for you won't change, and the Lord's care of you won't change. Nothing of any significance will change apart from some bits of paper that come through the post with some grades on it. And my uncle, he's not a Christian, said to me, and I thought, incredible honesty.
He said, I couldn't have ever said that to my children. Mm. And I was really struck by that. And he meant it. That's not true for him. Academic ability matters enormously. The grades you get, the career you go into, these things matter. And in that moment, I just, that's identity. My uncle's answer to the question, who are my children?
And what matters is totally different to my answer to that question. Hmm. So this is the significance. So when our child is feeling worthless, have they flunked an exam? Have they failed to get into a sports team? Has someone said something horrible to them who claims to be their friend? Again, this is why we're Christians.
We have a totally different way. Of answering and coping with setbacks. We don't just say to our kids, let's get up again. It is true. We learn from failure. We become more resilient. Everyone believes that, whether they're Christians or not. The big difference is, is, is who we are. We belong to the one who is in charge and we belong.
That gives us eternal significance, and we believe the one with all the power died on a moment in history. Mm. For that child. So, you know, how, how are you gonna measure value? We want our kids to know the way they're gonna measure their value is what happened in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, rather than what some spotty kid says about their dress or trousers or haircut.
Mm-hmm. Man, that's so good. We had a, I, I recorded an episode two weeks ago and I titled it. It's okay to suck at baseball
and it really is the heartbeat of what you just said. Uh, and and how much? I would've long, I long for that. I didn't grow up with a dad around, but how much? I long to just have a man. Yeah. Tell me who cares? Yeah. You know who care, like what you did to your daughter, who cares? It's okay to fail at your example.
Yeah. Even if you do, yeah. You fail at all of them. Who cares? It's not the truest thing about you. And without that, we have men and women, boys and girls who turn into men and women who are just clamoring, like you said, you're your uncle. Like I, well, what else am I gonna find my identity, if not in academics or in my job or in my successes?
And so we, they, they, they go from little boys and girls who are upset about their identity on a, you know, a sports team or a failing test to a, a man or woman who is now. Deeply crippled, depressed because they can't accomplish things in the grownup world because they never really learned that identity.
And I, again, I don't mean to keep bringing this back to me, I just, I just came. I'm fresh out of a counseling session, so all that's real fresh. So I apologize to you and my listeners who are listening to this, but one of the things that my counselor just told me today was, go read your bad reviews today.
Yeah. Go read them. Just go and then just say, who cares? Yeah. Who cares? Yeah. It's okay to suck at baseball, you know? It's okay. Like our identity is in Jesus. What, what happened in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, like you just said? And there's also a thing, which is you need another podcast with, which is what happens if my kids are the world's best at baseball as a dad?
We just need to clarify what would happen then. What would we do? How would we behave? What would we say if we discovered our kid was the MVP? For the season, you know, genuinely that's gonna take that. So we have to be clear as dads, what are we gonna do with these two situations? Yeah. And only the Christian can say nothing changes.
Yeah. That's such a good perspective because some of your kids, for those of you who are listening, will succeed. They will be high achievers. And your identity will be wrapped up in their high achievement and their identity will be wrapped up in high achievement and both are still sinking sand. That's a really good perspective.
Eventually that will fail them and, and your identity in them being a high achiever will fail you. And, and the layers of this in a parent-child relationship are endless. You know, your kid knows if you are dreaming of them being brilliant at baseball and your kid knows. If you dread them being awful at baseball and your kid knows if you just love them.
Mm-hmm. So I, these are layers and the brilliant thing about being a Christian is it's the best way to live. We are not constantly running from the next insecurity, the next fear of failure. The next longing for success to be a Christian dad is to give your kids solid security. And a deep sense of joy.
Jesus said, I've come that you may have life to the full. What? Dad wouldn't give anything to be able to say, I've given my kids life to the full. Yeah, man, that's good. And life to the full is not that they were the best at anything. Life to the fool is that they have peace regardless of they're the best or the worst.
What deeper peace does that? I guess what one thing if, if someone were listening to this. And maybe they have kids who have yet to, they're not saved. They don't believe in Jesus. Mm-hmm. How do you speak identity into your kids who haven't been saved yet, or aren't saved? When a Wilder Beast is born, it pops out of the mum and hits the ground and has to be up in 30 seconds running with the herd.
And I've got no idea if it ever finds mom again. The Lord in his infinite wisdom has given us 18 years. You know, most of us get 18 years of a kid living under our roof. For them to make that decision with some degree of integrity and knowledge. So firstly, we are intentional for 18 years. We remind ourselves whether we're a church leader or a car mechanic, we'll probably not have a more significant ministry than our kids in our lives.
Yeah, that's right. And we tell ourselves each evening and when we wake up that God loves our kids more than we do. And has plans for their lives to glorify himself. So we want our kids to be stood next to us in glory, and in the meantime we pray. We trust our Lord with them in the darkest of moments. We get as many people into their lives as we can, and we go after it all out because we'd love them to know.
It's the one thing my dad always wanted for me. Yeah, I think, uh, I think that's such a beautiful answer. I. I think too that I, one thing, if that were the scenario with one of my children, I think I would want them to taste of that identity in other things and just see how it really satisfies, or I should say, how it really doesn't satisfy, and just keep bringing that to the forefront of their mind.
If they don't trust in Jesus or they haven't, maybe they're not. Outright rebellious towards God. Maybe they are, or maybe they just, you know, they're neutral on the matter for now. But just point out how did that win feel? How did that making the team feel? How did not making the team feel and just pointing out like we're all searching for identity.
I tell my kids my, I want, I'm searching Daddy's searching for identity. Searching for identity. You are searching for something. To fill the longings of your soul and just point out how did it do, how did that last toy do at at filling the longings of your soul? It probably didn't. How, how about that video game or that time with friends or whatever.
That way, at least when they go out into the real world, they have that question in the back of their mind. And again, I, I love your perspective of God's sovereignty and just having to come back to that. But as their parent, I just want them to, to realize that we're all trying to drink of something to satisfy.
And then Jesus said he's the only one that would actually make us not thirsty again. So if they're gonna keep drinking of the water, that's not satisfying. I want them to know. I want them to be aware of it and at least conscious of it, that that's what they're doing. It's great. And just to know that, that what you are talking about is not to be feared by a parent, but what?
But is the conversation happening? Can we have an atmosphere and a culture in our families where they get to talk about that alternative? They get to bring it to us and we don't get angry. You know, today all of my friends did this at the weekend. I want to, why do you want to? What's the appeal? Yeah. How do you think it's gonna go?
Why do you want it that much? What do you think they want from it? You know that, now that all sounds very analytical and philosophical, but you know, even at eight you get to say, why do you think you did it? You must, you wanted something. That conversation has to keep happening otherwise. One. Otherwise we're just letting them walk with wolves and think it's gonna be okay.
That's good. Well, I'm excited to dig in again, raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World. Again, I, I think we all need more resources like this. Thank you for putting it together. I'm excited for our listeners to dig into that. I wanna just give you the final word. Any last things you'd say to the dads listening who just as a way of encouragement to them as they stumble their way forward towards spiritual leadership, your Plan A for your kids.
I. You are God's plan. The Lord has given you the kids you need and he, he has given you to them as the dad they need. You are plan A and uh, you may feel insecure about it. You may feel like you've failed at it. You may actually think you're the best dad in the world at it, and you may well be, but you are God's plan A for your kids, and that's to be celebrated.
Hmm. Ed, thank you for taking the time. I know you're a busy guy, and we're you, you're wrapping up your workday, so thank you for taking the time to talk with us and, and, uh, and share some of your wisdom with us. Man, it meant a lot to me. It's a huge privilege. Can I just pray for the dads who are listening, please?
Yeah, please. Father, I thank you that dads are your idea. You invented them, and you give us that image of being our perfect dad to help us to understand how to be a dad. I thank you for the unconditional love you offer, the care the ever present help we need the wisdom, the insight, but most of all, you've saved us for yourself.
You've brought us into your family so that we can bring our kids to see how glorious that family is to commend you to them rather than ourselves. I pray, father, you'd help us. To show our kids the glory of their Heavenly Father to do it naturally according to our gifts and personality and place in culture and society.
But would we do it and would we have confidence as we do it by your spirit because we find this hard. Amen. Amen. Thank you, brother. Appreciate you so much.
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