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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over:
Speaker 2:Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 3:Today is a big deal because we were just having a breakfast, not talking about the podcast at all. And then the podcast came up in conversation. We were making a video for Papa actually.
Speaker 1:And I mentioned that you all
Speaker 3:had not been in the podcast because we had wanted to make sure you were old enough to consent. And there's a lot of shady stuff on YouTube or other social media with parents making their kids be on social media and then not actually taking care of their kids and things like that. So there's a lot of ethical issues. But your stuff that we always did, like your YouTube videos or music songs and things like that, we did just as a family. So, like, that is unlisted and it's private and all of that.
Speaker 3:On the podcast, you sometimes came because the podcast was just a was such a family project. But when we started being more concerned about online safety and took down the blog and took down your episodes and things like that. We wanted to make sure that you could decide those things for yourself. But today you were talking about it and wanting to do it again, which is cool and I don't mind. But I think that like listeners to the podcast have not actually heard you in a long time.
Speaker 3:And our family has been through a lot. So let's take a second just to reintroduce yourselves however you want to so that people can recognize your voices a little bit. Because that's the other thing, not giving any snark for teenagers, but seriously, your voices have changed literally also.
Speaker 1:So you don't have to
Speaker 3:say your name if you don't want to. That's fine. But if you wanna say how old you are or what grade you're in or something about yourself, and then if you say something you change your mind about, remember I can edit it out. That's okay. So let's just go around the table just so that listeners can orient to your voice.
Speaker 3:That's the same thing I do when we have a guest. They just talk for a minute so people can get used to their voice. So you're actually lined up oldest to youngest. Did you know that?
Speaker 1:Wasn't that just wonderful? We didn't plan on that,
Speaker 3:but it will help. So two of the kids are still in Oklahoma. We are getting ready to all of us go home to Oklahoma to visit. But you four are here with me. Let's start with you.
Speaker 3:What do you want to say about yourself?
Speaker 4:So you guys may know me from the original Des Maree. I'm going through a time in my life where I'm focusing on my identity and who I am as a teen. So like, I don't actually know like my name or my gender identity and all that stuff, but I don't care what you call me as long as it's appropriate. And I'm 16 years old. I'm a sophomore in high school.
Speaker 4:I'm almost 17 years old and I'm gonna be a junior. Hooray. I'm super excited and I'm really enjoying it in high school. I'm deaf with cochlear implants and I went to Africa with my mom back when I was 12. It was one hell of a trip.
Speaker 4:I'm just gonna say that. Positively was good. Positively were bad. I remember the good put and the bad put, but I love the good put. And just to you know, that's learning about who I am as a my ancestors and why I'm here today.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 5:So what's up, guys? I'm Alex, and you might remember me from one of the podcasts where I talked about how I have autism. Well, it's been, like, five years, I think. And now I'm 16 years old, and I I'm a sophomore. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:I also have applied to be on survivor. Nothing is certain yet. I'm hoping they're going to respond, but nothing has happened yet. It's only been one week, so I think that's a good thing. Well, lot of stuff has happened in five years.
Speaker 5:Yay.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:So what's up? You might know me when I was how old that was I?
Speaker 3:Seven, eight.
Speaker 1:Seven or eight when last podcast I did. Well, we did. Yeah. Totally. Well, I don't even know what to say.
Speaker 1:I go by Leon now. I was I believe I was in I don't remember,
Speaker 3:like What's during the pandemic?
Speaker 1:Second grade, third grade when we did that last podcast. I'm now in seventh grade, and you might recognize me from a podcast where I talked about big feelings. I'm a nerdy one in the family. I like to read a lot. And, also, I like to joke around a lot, so I'm gonna tell you a joke real quick.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. Alright. Okay. So there's a mother, and there's a child. You can pick whatever you want for the child.
Speaker 1:It's gonna be nice. But the mother taught well, the son or daughter I don't know. I'm actually just failing this
Speaker 3:Our gender neutral family.
Speaker 1:Our gender neutral the gender neutral child. There we go. The gender neutral child talks to the gender neutral mom. That's gonna be way too much to say, so I'm just gonna call them mom mom and son. Alright.
Speaker 1:So the son speaks to mom and says, mom, may I? The mom, not wanting to him to finish a sentence, thinking it was gonna be something where he could exit the house, said no. The son tries again and says, mom, can I? Mom says no for the same reasons. The son says, mom, please.
Speaker 1:The mom says no. The son said, mom, I was gonna say, can I wash the dishes? You said no. Can I sweep the floor? You said no.
Speaker 1:Can I mop? You said no. The son then tries again and says, mom, can I? The mom immediately says, yes, son. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:The son says, okay. I'll see. I'm going to my friend's house. I'll see you at twelve. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:It's because the train is in the background, so we're waiting for it to pass. So that's an update from our teenagers that are here in the North, and a lot has happened since the pandemic. Oh my goodness. So papa and two of the kids are still in Oklahoma. We're about to see them this summer.
Speaker 3:Get all your appointments, the dentist and the eye doctor and
Speaker 4:well My moodies keep up coming out.
Speaker 1:I need glasses. Oh,
Speaker 5:goody. I want nothing.
Speaker 3:He wants to come back home.
Speaker 6:I am really good at reading
Speaker 3:and spelling. Thank you so much. So a recap. A recap means a quick review. Sometimes you see movie recaps where they talk about what happened in a movie and then talk about it.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. A recap for our family since you were on the podcast regularly before was the pandemic. So since then, we moved to Idaho, some of us and then all of us. And then we were finding what does our family need. And then there was the election.
Speaker 3:And then we had the DEI stuff happen at your schools where they were taking had to take down the posters. That went viral. So I actually shared the link where that story went viral. And we moved here, and our neighbor had the T shirt that was from the fundraiser at year old schools, which was such a wild experience. So now we're further north, further away from Papa, so I'm glad we're close to airports.
Speaker 3:But Oh, doggy. What tell me, like, what do you like about being here? You don't have to say where we are, but what do you like at school, in nature? What's different? What's good?
Speaker 3:You, you, and then you.
Speaker 4:What I like is that people are just nicer, like, not shiny happy knives, but like you can tell that it's just in the hut. Everything is so much prettier here. It's warm, not as Oklahoma warm, but it is like as in like not, like, boiling hot and, like, just stuck inside because it's so hot and you want the air conditioning on all all the time. It's just so pretty here, and I just enjoy my school and going back to graduate even though I do, like, get conflicting feelings.
Speaker 3:I love this also. The weather is amazing here. I know some people were like, it's gonna rain so much. It's gonna rain so much. And that is true.
Speaker 3:But I think when it rains here, it's this gentle, cozy rain that is, like, all mood. I wanna be under the covers and resting. So it's actually been very good and healing for me. Whereas in Oklahoma, you could die if it rains, like tornadoes and things. So I think it's so much better.
Speaker 3:I think it's just in that context. I really like it, actually. It's been beautiful. Your turn. What do you like about being here, like about your school?
Speaker 6:At my school, I like my friends and my teacher. She's very nice and very supportive. And there everybody at my school is super nice. Well, most of the kids and all of the teachers are very nice. And, also, they have good breakfast.
Speaker 6:Like, at lunch, I have to sit with a teacher so that I don't choke, and
Speaker 4:I have
Speaker 6:to go to a teacher's room for breakfast so that I don't choke. So drink snack, I have to go to that. I have a lot of bracelets.
Speaker 3:Where did we learn about bracelets from? Mama. And? Taylor.
Speaker 1:Taylor Swift. We've got some Swifties in the house. Me.
Speaker 4:I have a vegetation colored in my room,
Speaker 1:and I like putting up baby.
Speaker 3:So excited. You were next. What do you wanna say about being here?
Speaker 1:The fact that we moved northwest a ton. I prayed to God that we would finally get somewhere cold, not in Oklahoma where it's hot all the time. So God sent me to Idaho, but then all I got was cold and snow. So I prayed to God. He sent me somewhere now where it's warm but rainy all the time.
Speaker 1:So life's divine. It's beautiful, but the fact that I walk up and down a mountain to get to places where I wanna go is nice too. So it's fun because at this house, you
Speaker 3:can still walk to the library. You can still walk to school, and, also, it's on the mountain.
Speaker 5:So let's let's let's break this down. If I know every teenager, most teenagers never wanna get up and go to school. Hell yeah. There are good news about this. School starts at 07:50.
Speaker 5:I don't have to take a bus. That's nice. But I have to walk, and I also have to get up. And, I mean, I don't know. Put it in, like, the comment section or whatever to comment if you think about how do I put this?
Speaker 5:If you think getting up for school is, like, the best thing in the world or, like, grown ups getting up for work, I mean, no one really goes. Good morning, world. I think I've decided I'm going to get up early this morning or something like that.
Speaker 4:I don't know.
Speaker 5:I mean, it's hard and troubling. But, also, this school is actually pretty fun. They have really good lunch, like, actual good lunch, like rice and beans, guacamole, stuff like that. Nachos, that's not one of their most healthy stuff. They have, like, wraps, like, really good stuff like
Speaker 3:that. Food. Actual food. All about the food.
Speaker 5:They also have a different weird schedule. I don't know. Maybe some people know about this, probably some people don't. But, like, their schedule here is for gym class. Right?
Speaker 5:There is weightlifting. There is a class for just soccer. There is a class for just volleyball. There is a class for just football, and then there is a class for just basketball. Obviously, I'm going to choose basketball.
Speaker 5:It's very confusing and different, but over time, you just learn that it's part of moving and you get used to it. Moving itself was actually not that bad. We got it done in a month, I think.
Speaker 3:Because we went one trip at a time.
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah. It went pretty well.
Speaker 3:Tell them what is cool about your schedule. What happens on Wednesdays?
Speaker 5:What happens on Wednesdays is we get a half day. So I don't really like it because it's a change. And instead of doing an actual class of, like, gym, basketball, stuff like that, we just go out to the track and we run for forty minutes and then walk for ten minutes, which puts all together in fifty minutes, and then we go back in and get ready to leave. That's not fun to me because that's not the class I signed up for.
Speaker 1:Oh, a good example of misattunement
Speaker 3:and consent happening both. You consented to one thing. Something else is happening. You were wanting and needing one thing, and that's not what you're getting. I mean, I know it's a super safe example, not necessarily trauma, but it feels like it, right?
Speaker 3:And so it's a simple, safe example of trauma and deprivation, The hard thing that's happening and the good that's missing.
Speaker 5:I mean, it's like if you get a job. Right? And you're like, oh, this job is gonna be great. But then they move you to, like, some different job place store, and they're like, you need you're gonna be part of this job now. And you're like, wait.
Speaker 5:I didn't sign up for this job. Like, it would be like if, let's say, you wanted to work outside or you wanted to work on, like, furniture or whatever, then they sent you to a bridal shower. They were like, now you're in charge of making dresses and stuff.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't mind that.
Speaker 5:I mean, true. Girls wouldn't mind that or girls would mind that. I don't know. It's different for different people. But I know I wouldn't like that.
Speaker 5:So, like, that's just, one of the cons I don't think I like from that school is that I'm half days. It's not actually the same class, and it's kind of and it kinda puts us on thing. But the good news is you get out at, like, 12:30, and you get to go home, that's it for school days. So it's pretty nice.
Speaker 4:But that does also make our school years longer. Like, we don't get out until June 18, but we don't start until August 27. But it just feels longer, you know, regular school year. And I like out taking a walking stick class. I know it sounds like, oh, I'm lazy.
Speaker 4:It's just I don't really care about sports. And I'm not like the jock type who's always like out and, oh, let's go. Let's go play football and just build
Speaker 1:the fun. Nah. I'm not that kind of person.
Speaker 4:I just agree with Alex. I don't like running for forty minutes because it's just extras doing what I'm trying to do. And, like, I'm like, what's going on here? And, like, I tried to talk to my teacher, and I'm like, he's like, if you don't do the volume put, you're gonna end for that day. I'm like, I guess I have to run for forty minutes.
Speaker 1:Yay. Change for me was the diversity of the classes you were you were allowed to take. There were lots of technology class, and then classes that feel exciting to me, like, Latinos in America and Spanish. I know Spanish get a high school credit. Like, anybody just wants to get out of high school faster.
Speaker 1:So I'm trying to get through that, but also pick things I like, and it's just driving me nuts.
Speaker 3:What would you all say about the the diversity of people here as opposed to Oklahoma or Idaho?
Speaker 4:I'm noticing a lot more, like, high flags and a lot more, like, disability good movement. I'm noticing a lot more, like, people are more open here and I actually enjoy it a lot. As in Oklahoma and Idaho they would kind of push that down, like not talk about that, like be like, no, this kind of stuff doesn't exist. Like sure, in Idaho Pride was awesome. But it's just that was the one thing that I went to that I felt like was good enough to go to.
Speaker 4:Like at school even I just feel like they were being all hushy hush. Like when my teacher saw my like socks she was like oh colorful socks and it just felt like she was being like mean about it. Like, her tone was different from what she was trying to say. I feel like that hurt me a little bit because I was like, it's just icky.
Speaker 3:There are some safety issues because of it all that is different than here where it feels very safe. Like
Speaker 6:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Pride flags even in the neighborhood, more people of color, being closer to even my indigenous land, all the things.
Speaker 5:Now I can assure you that when you get older, you're like, oh, that girl's pretty. That girl's pretty. But it's hard to go to school, and then you realize almost half of the entire school are Latinas. Latinas are amazing. It's easy to think in your mind, I could just walk up and ask.
Speaker 5:But then you gotta, like, think about it. You're like, can I actually just walk up and ask? Mm-mm. Because you don't know the answer. You don't know what they're gonna say.
Speaker 5:And so, like, it's hard to think about it.
Speaker 3:Some motivation for taking Spanish class.
Speaker 5:I know. Right?
Speaker 1:When I got here, the sheer amount of people in the pride club, They just had it in the music room, but the music room wasn't, like, big enough for it. So they moved it to the library, which was a bit bigger than the music room. But now, they have a they now have to use the, cafeteria because just the sheer amount of people that are in there. But it was much easier to get a girlfriend when, like, you knew them. And, my girlfriend was easy to understand because we have, most of our classes together.
Speaker 1:I mean, also, we were really good friends. But also, the amount of pride flags that are here is kind of overwhelming because we go from a place with barely, like, no pride flags to a place with a small amount of pride flags, but you still know they're there to a place where every time you turn a corner, there's a one in the mirror. Not in the mirror. In the- Window. Window.
Speaker 1:There we go. That's the right word. It's just, it was just kind of cool to see that there was that many there.
Speaker 3:You know what's interesting? After we left, after all that drama with the DEI posters at school and all that oppression that was happening, there was a federal law passed that you can't have pride flags on federal buildings, on government buildings. And so Boise and Salt Lake City, both of all places, those cities passed a law making the pride flag their city flag. So it is a government flag so that they can still fly it at the capital. Isn't that wild?
Speaker 3:I was shocked. I was shocked.
Speaker 1:So that means they're literally making a law that cancels out the laws.
Speaker 3:That's how they work. Governments. Yeah.
Speaker 4:You can't take away one symbol. Like, this is part of our life. You can't just say, oh, pipelines are just not important. Let's take it off. Pipelines are bad.
Speaker 4:Like, you can't just say that. It's part of a group of people that deserve recognition.
Speaker 1:Preach?
Speaker 4:We, the people of The United States Of America, we are all the people. We are not just, oh, it's all straight people and heterosexual people. It's we. Not just, oh, we the straight people of America. Period.
Speaker 4:It's us as a group, and we deserve recognition.
Speaker 7:Amen.
Speaker 1:I don't know what law led us to believe this, but well, to know this. Well, I don't even know what I'm saying. But was it where Lord Woldemort passed a law where if people if women were names weren't same as on their birth certificate they can't vote, I think? And then the shocking truth that when we're all still in room, we're all still a fetus, that we're all technically female. How about you look at your own life story, Pico?
Speaker 5:Well, but then you have to stop and think that every president who does that either is being told that by someone, and they have no idea what they're doing. Or they have life trauma that they decided not to get help from.
Speaker 3:Oh, like we were supplementing your history with learning about the kings and queens of England and like, oh, it looks like this queen or this king did these terrible things. And also then when you look at their story about what they went through and how they got to that point, you learn more. I think it's one thing that we talk about a lot on the podcast because any of us, they could, like any of us, even at this table, someone could take a postcard from the worst moment of our life and make all kinds of assumptions about who we are. But if they know our whole story or know who we are, then what happens makes sense even if also we still need to tend to that and heal with that so that we're safe with ourselves and each other. And that's part of the healing we wanna do.
Speaker 3:I know that you all are wanting to talk about a lot of things, and I know you've got some specific ideas of what you want to talk about in future conversations. For today, for basic things, we are just reintroducing ourselves, and we have real life to deal with. A few weeks left to wrap up the school year. We have chores every day. We have outside time every day.
Speaker 3:We have the library we walk to. We have family time. We have cooking and cleaning up with more chores for dishes.
Speaker 4:We have the bagel place.
Speaker 3:The bagel place down the street. It's so famous already because we all love it so much.
Speaker 5:And then you gotta remember. After that, you do all that resting. And this is for everyone who is going to listen to this. Please listen. If you have never heard of this show called The Mole.
Speaker 4:On Netflix, it's called Who is The Mole? Just to clear up confusion because we had a little bit last time hearing of the people were like, wait. What is this? It we had a misunderstanding. That's all that happened.
Speaker 5:Okay. So I'm not gonna say anything because it's awesome. But it is worth worth watching Okay. Because it's intense. It's awesome.
Speaker 5:Little bit of the backstory. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what a mole is. A mole is not exactly a very fun creature. It always ruins, causes chaos.
Speaker 3:Little underground in your yard.
Speaker 5:Which is exactly why it's perfect for the game because the point of the game is that there is someone no one has any idea who it is, and they and they are literally supposed to cause chaos and ruin all the missions and everything. But no one knows the Moelis. And what's fun about it is it's kind of like you're in the show because you have to piece the puzzle and put the facts together and find out.
Speaker 3:As you're watching it?
Speaker 5:Yeah. And find out exactly if it is episode by episode because it's not, like, that simple to not be direct. And it's also harder because then the those people who think, oh, I can win if I'm, like, pretending to to be the mole, which which works except for the fact that if so I don't know. I'll just stop there. You should probably watch it because it's really good.
Speaker 4:One another TV show we probably talk about a lot is Survivor. We really like the tv show and not only has my brother Alex applied to Ford but I also have two and all we're doing is reading on CBS to reply. We hope we go on. We're super excited. The anticipation is high.
Speaker 4:We ask mom like every single day, like, did they reply? Did they reply? Mom was like, just wait. The longer you wait, more hope you get because they haven't said no to you yet.
Speaker 3:I want to bring this full circle actually, even about the mole, because I think what we all have in common, all of us here and listeners too, is trauma, right? Yeah.
Speaker 5:For sure.
Speaker 3:And in life, happens, the metaphor becomes that trauma is the mole. Because there are times where I have tried to do the podcast and people have literally, because of their trauma, done things that made it harder for me to do the podcast. I have tried to do the community and there have been people who literally tried to make it harder for me to do the community. I understand that is because of trauma. It also happens in relationships where trauma comes up and is in the way of relationships or causing harm in relationships where it's like, this is not a bad person.
Speaker 3:I know this is not a bad person. And also this is not safe or good for me because trauma is the mold. And that's one thing to remember of noticing what am I feeling in the moment, what is actually happening that I need information about, and what is memory time because trauma is the mole and is surfacing right now and getting in the way of life, of functioning, of school, of jobs, of relationships. And then also where's the good that's missing? Because that mole does what?
Speaker 4:Take away.
Speaker 3:Takes away. And so when there's good that's missing and hard that's happening, it's hard to be our best selves or to support other people being their best selves. So it's really one of those ways, like using our screen time to help us understand concepts and things, like really that's the metaphor of it. It's not that we want to go around making life harder than other people. It's recognizing that trauma is the mole.
Speaker 5:Trauma over trauma. Well, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yum yum.
Speaker 5:I I agree with that. Trauma is definitely 100% the mole. I mean, let's see. I used to steal. I stole partly because I was hungry and partly because of trauma.
Speaker 5:That doesn't excuse my bad behavior. But because I didn't get food or enough food until I was, like, four when I actually got food, That is that is why I stole, which did put a lot of toll on family stuff and really dent our relationship. But I've worked hard at that and got better. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know what? I think that's really vulnerable of you to share, and I wanna emphasize that piece of food scarcity causing problems for little children who should have enough is absolutely an example of trauma being the mole. And also as you had a safe environment and as you had enough, and as you worked with us and we worked with you, like we worked together, not just against trauma, but on our relationships about what healing and safety looks like, you have grown a lot. And I would totally validate that. You've grown so much and it's not even that you were bad before and good now.
Speaker 3:Sometimes we confuse love and approval, or we think we have to earn love, or that if you're in trouble that we don't love you or things like that where approval has to do with whatever the contract is. And if you have a contract of scarcity, then you have to do what you have to do to stay alive. If you have a social contract about you being bad, then you have to agree that you're bad to stay alive. If you're in a safe family or a safe environment or with safe people, then it's not about the contract of you having to do this to get care or you having to not do this to avoid harm. It's about, we just love you and that love already exists.
Speaker 3:You don't have to earn it and nothing damages it. It just is.
Speaker 4:I want to do what we were doing with movies because we love movies as a family. I'm going take that to Aladdin where, oh, you may think Aladdin's all sweet and happy and like, oh, he's a cute thief, sure. But you also think like he's literally lying to Jasmine and he's stealing and while yes he grew up poor and was an orphan it still doesn't excuse the bad things he did like lying and stealing and running from the police he should have just turned himself in. I would have done that but that's not the point. This is the point that
Speaker 6:Not now, we're only
Speaker 4:that just because even though we all have trauma, we can, like, get over that and we'll not actually get over it because we have to come back up, but we are stronger because of it.
Speaker 6:It's a riddle. It's the more you take, the more you leave behind.
Speaker 4:And I'll
Speaker 6:tell you the answer at the end.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Speaking of trauma and traumatic experiences and the repercussions of that, like Alex, I used to steal a lot. One because I wanted food. Want another one because I was hungry. And the last one is because I loved it. It felt really nice.
Speaker 1:It gave me such adrenaline rush.
Speaker 3:That's very honest.
Speaker 1:And I wasn't very good at hiding what I did. It would I would just I hid a giant stash of candy bar wrappers and toilet paper.
Speaker 5:In my
Speaker 3:You're very skilled at getting caught too.
Speaker 1:Yes. And I also in the basement, there was a hole in the wall. I stuffed so much stuff on there.
Speaker 5:I would like to point out that was not a hole. That was our plumbing.
Speaker 4:It was indeed.
Speaker 1:I also was really good at taking stuff apart. I took apart a furnace and a dishwasher.
Speaker 7:I learned
Speaker 4:that stove and
Speaker 1:the Hey. That wasn't my fault.
Speaker 5:Did you put it back together, though?
Speaker 1:I put a few of them back together. A few. Oh, the memories. On another one on one of the furnace, I put it back together, and I didn't really have to use all the parts. It worked just as fine without all of them.
Speaker 1:Just a few screws gone.
Speaker 3:But So much safety.
Speaker 1:It's kind of funny how you remember, how you're supposed to think of happy thoughts, think happy things, and remember happy times in your life when all you get is sadness, sadness, oh, there's happy memory, but then sadness, sadness. And the only things I can remember, the randomest things about randomest things. Out of everything, I remember I had a dog. I remembered we had a little island table in the middle of the kitchen. I remembered I love chicken pot pies.
Speaker 1:And also, I remember literally driving my brother up a wall by on purpose jumping off the bed, crying until he pulled me back on the bed and then doing it again on purpose just to play with him.
Speaker 3:Trauma is hard. You all had not just your own trauma from your first families, but also from foster care before us.
Speaker 4:I just want to congratulate ourselves because we have moved a lot. Like, I was including foster care, I had moved 15 times. And here I am still alive and still well and still pretty well fed. And also, we've moved so many times, feel like we just need to pass those on the back. Like literally, we deserve this.
Speaker 4:We like it here. We love it here. And I hope we stay here because I enjoy it here.
Speaker 3:I love it too. Well, and so this is an interesting thing you bring up because I grew up moving a lot as well, but other families stay in one place. Like Papa stayed in one place growing up and it's just different families do different things. We had to move a lot for what people needed. Like when you needed a deaf school, we moved closer because it was not okay to make you go do overnights when we were working on attachment.
Speaker 3:When this one needed hospitals, we moved closer to hospitals. When you needed an autism program, we moved. So like, when we have a big family, that's a lot of needs to meet. And the only thing we could keep the same was us being together. And we tried.
Speaker 3:I think the other thing historically that was hard for adjusting was if you had been born to us and grown up with us, there would have been things that you learned along the way automatically, But because you were born in other families and some of you did not even have houses, when you came to us, you not only had to learn what a family is, you also had to learn what a house is. And part of growing up is already doing chores and being responsible, not just the playtime things. So like having to learn how to do all of those things all at once instead of learning a little bit at a time and getting to grow up with it, that was a lot. That was a lot. Today, we're getting ready to go on an outing.
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:What kinds of chores do you think we need to do before we can
Speaker 4:go on
Speaker 3:the outing? I call
Speaker 5:stoves and couch.
Speaker 1:I call sweeping.
Speaker 4:I call dishes. I love dishes.
Speaker 6:It's so tight. Call running all
Speaker 5:the dishes. There is no dishes.
Speaker 3:Okay. Let's go.
Speaker 7:Okay. Bye. Bye. Loses. 7AM the usual morning.
Speaker 7:Line up. Start on the chores and sweep till the floor's all clean. Polish and wax, do laundry, and mop and shine up. Sweep again, and by then it's like 07:15. And so I'll read a book or maybe two or three.
Speaker 7:I'll add a few paintings to my gallery. I'll play guitar and knit and cook and basically. Just wonder when will my life begin. Then after lunch, it's puzzles and darts and baking. Paper mache, a bit of ballet and chess.
Speaker 7:Pottery and ventriloquy, candle making.
Speaker 5:Then I'll
Speaker 7:stretch, maybe sketch, take a climb, sew a dress, and I'll read the books. If I have time to spare, I'll paint the wall some more. I'm sure there's room somewhere, and then I'll brush and brush and brush and brush my hair stuck in the same place I've always been. And I'll keep wandering and wandering and wandering and wandering when will my life begin. And tomorrow night, lights will appear just like they do on my birthday each year.
Speaker 7:What is it like out there where they glow? Now that I'm older, mother might just let me go.
Speaker 6:Yay. Earth's so great.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening to us and for all of your support for the podcast, our books, and them being donated to survivors and the community. It means so much to us as we try to create something that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing. One of the ways we practice this is in community together. The link for the community is in the show notes.
Speaker 2:We look forward to seeing you there while we practice caring for ourselves, caring for our family, and participating with those who also care for community. And remember, I'm just a human, not a therapist for the community. I'm not there for dating, and not there to be shiny happy. Less shiny, actually. I'm there to heal too.
Speaker 2:That's what peer support is all about. Being human together. So yeah, sometimes we'll see you there.