Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Sex education and sexual interest don’t end at a certain age. Melanie Ramey is here not only to debunk myths about sexuality, sexual involvement, and connection later in life but to shed light on sexual information for all ages. This podcast will answer the questions that were never properly answered in health class and address the sex information we need but are too reluctant to discuss. Join Melanie for frank discussions about bodies, sexual health, desire, and age, with honesty and humor.
Touch. You're it. Sexuality is no game. But today we hear about the power of the caress, the hug, and massage. Did you know that touch provides therapeutic benefits, both physical and emotional? Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Today, Melanie discusses touch, that very human way of expressing affection and concern for each other.
Melanie Ramey: [00:00:39] Hello and welcome to Sexually Speaking. On these podcasts, we explore and learn about the core of being human. I like to use the World Health definition that says sexuality encompasses a broad range of behaviors, roles, sex identities. It actually also encompasses our sexual orientation, intimacy, and reproduction. So sexuality is really the core of our human being, and we think of it in terms of understanding ourselves from the day we're born until the day we die. We are sexual human beings. So sex is something that we do. Sexuality is who we are. My experiences as a sex educator and therapist are both wide and deep, and I am really pleased that you are joining me today.
Melanie Ramey: [00:01:38] And so I want to start off with a pretend exercise. Pretend that you are in a class on human anatomy. You have just finished learning all about the human body, all the different organs and all the different parts. So now we're having a little quiz. And the important question is what organ of the body is the largest and the most sensitive? Well, in case you missed it, it is the skin. The skin is our largest and most sensitive organ because it is covered by millions of nerve endings. There are also various receptors located on different parts of the skin. For example, the receptors in the feet are not nearly as sensitive as receptors in our face, etc. So certain receptors perceive temperature, for example, and they perceive temperature and the changes that help us adapt to the various environments that we are in and that ensures our comfort and our safety. Other receptors, for example, help detect pain, alerting us to potential harm and prompting protective responses.
Melanie Ramey: [00:03:00] Given this intricate network of sensory receptors, it is no wonder that touch is such a vital aspect of the human experience. The skin sensitivity not only allows us to navigate our surroundings, but also plays a fundamental role in our emotional and social lives. The sensation of touch, for example, can evoke a wide range of emotions, from comfort and reassurance to excitement and desire, making it an essential component of our overall well-being. Our interactions with our skin is basically through touch. Touch is a fundamental human need that begins from the from the moment we are born. It is a primary way through which we connect with others and experience the world around us. This sensation of touch can convey comfort, can convey love, can convey reassurance as well as desire and intimacy. The touch is actually a language in itself. Often speaking louder than words. And touch can vary greatly in its expression and in its meaning. For example, a gentle caress can be soothing and affirming, while a passionate embrace can ignite the flames of desire. Our skin is incredibly sensitive, capable of detecting even the slightest changes in temperature and texture and impression. This sensitivity makes touch an essential part of our sexual and emotional lives.
Melanie Ramey: [00:05:05] Now let's think about relationships. We know that in relationships, touch can actually strengthen the bonds and further deeper intimacy. It helps to build trust, and it helps to build connection, allowing partners to communicate that affection and support without the need for words. However, the significance and appropriateness of touch can be influenced by other factors. Cultural factors, social factors, personal boundaries. Understanding and respecting these boundaries is absolutely critical to ensuring that touch remains a positive and consensual experience for all the parties involved. So as we explore the various dimensions of touch, keep in mind the profound impact that it has on our well-being and the intricate ways it shapes our sexuality and our relationships. For example, scientists have determined that there are seven key benefits of human touch. Seven. First of all, human touch reduces stress. Touch can lower cortisol levels, reducing stress and promoting relaxation. A second thing that touch can do, it can boost the immune system. Regular positive touch can increase the body's production of natural antibodies and strengthen the immune system. A third thing it does is it really enhances emotional well-being. Touch stimulates the release of oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone, which enhances mood and emotional well-being. A fourth thing it does is reduces pain. Therapeutic touch, such as massage, can alleviate chronic pain and reduce physical discomfort. For the fifth thing touch can do is to improve heart health. Physical affection can lead to lower blood pressure and to healthier heart rate, contributing obviously to overall cardiovascular health. And the sixth thing it does is build trust and security. Touch fosters a sense of safety and trust, critical for healthy relationships and personal security. And finally, touch enhances social connections. Positive touch can strengthen social bonds and improve interpersonal relationships, leading to a more connected and supportive social network. These benefits really do highlight the essential role of touch in our lives, underscoring its importance not only in intimate relationships but overall health and well-being.
Melanie Ramey: [00:08:31] And I think it's obvious that that includes our mental health. But I also want to comment on the converse is also true. That when touch is not positive, when it's used in anger, when it's used to strike another person or hit another person, it also has a tremendous reaction. For example, there are unfortunately stupid people in the world, and these people believe that you're supposed to beat children in order to get them to do whatever you want them to do. What that does simply is to cause children to grow up very fearful every time they see this person with a stick or a strap or just their hand. They are fearful that they might strike them. And this is a reaction that's a physical reaction inside the child, and it tends to build up over time and develop a very angry, kind of fearful person. And I can tell you for a fact, the prisons in this country are full of people who have been abused as children, physically abused as children, being touched in a hostile and angry way.
Melanie Ramey: [00:09:52] There are other experiences maybe we've all had where something is scaring us, or something we perceive may be dangerous. And the term that it raised the hair on the back of my neck, that's what happens when we are fearful about something. Our skin reacts. Where inside we are feeling very tense and nervous, and the skin reacts to how we're feeling on the inside. So it really, the skin is just an amazing organ to understand and to see how it can be used both very positively and also in a negative way. There's actually a whole body of literature on research about the various areas on the value of touch in the workplace, for example. If a boss comes along, pats an employee on the back and says you're doing a good job, so forth and so on. I mean, this really encourages a person to better productivity, to keep on doing what they're doing, maybe looking for even a better way. It's a very encouraging way to help in the workplace. Another thing is that sometimes if a waitress is waiting on a customer and gives them their check and touches their hand or touches their arm, the data show that they're more likely to give a higher tip. And then in another kind of situation, customer shopping, particularly for clothes or other things, are willing to pay more money for a product if they can touch it before they purchase it. So there's just endless ways to understand the importance of touching and the importance of our reactions to being touched.
Melanie Ramey: [00:11:51] I want to talk a minute about something that a lot of times people don't think about, and that is if you have a friend or a member of your family who's sick in the hospital, touch them. Even though they may be hooked up to all manner of machines and cords and so forth and so on running around, it's really important to touch them. This can have a very, very calming effect. You know, I many times had the experience of visiting people in the hospital, and I'll see some other people already there and I'll ask, you know, have you all been touching the patient? Oh, no. They usually invariably say because they think they're not supposed to do it. Well, they are supposed to do it because this can really tell the person 2 or 3 things who's sick. First of all, it tells them somebody's there. And that's a calming kind of thing to know they're not alone. Another thing is it doesn't matter so much where you touch them, but touch them. And now I know that it looks like if somebody's got machines and so forth and so on, you shouldn't. But there's usually you can touch their forearm, you can caress their face, you can hold their hand, you can even touch the lower part of their leg. And this is really very important because it reassures them and it releases some of this oxytocin in the system and calms them down. And also to say that it's also good for the person doing the touching, because as you're touching somebody, you're also stimulating some of the receptors in your hand and so forth and so on, which is of benefit to you. Now, I also know that maybe, you know, and I've certainly known occasionally some people who did not like to be touched. And these are usually people who have social anxiety. And if a person does not like to be touched, you shouldn't touch them because it only increases their anxiety. Fortunately, there are not too many people are affected this way. But if they are and ask you not to touch them, you must respect that boundary.
Melanie Ramey: [00:14:10] One of the most common ways we touch each other is by hugging. Hugging, even hugging yourself, can lower your stress level. Hugging releases that oxytocin in the body, which calms your nervous system and boosts your positivity. And a good quality hug according to the science should last at least 5 seconds and ideally 20 seconds. There are actually items that can be used to hug in case there's not a human nearby. There's a company I saw recently that made a heart shaped pillow that apparently feels very good to hug, the material it's made out of. And I'm going to put some references on the Facebook page as to how you might be able to get one of these. It's also why many policemen and patrolmen carry teddy bears in the trunks of their cars. If they go to an incident or are involved in checking out an accident where there is a young child, they give them one of the teddy bears because this helps the child to feel calmer. Other people, of course, have pets that really serve the same purpose. So it's really important to understand about the importance of hugging and being hugged and being caressed. But again, it's important to respect the boundaries if people have them.
Melanie Ramey: [00:15:48] There are lots of different kinds of hugs, for example, and we see them in different kinds of situations. There's, you know, the bear hug and the bear hug is really a warm and tight and all encompassing hug that signifies really deep affection and comfort. This usually involves wrapping your arms around another person and holding them closely. And this really provides a sense of safety and support. And then there's the side hug. And the side hug is a more casual and friendly embrace. And it's typically used between friends or acquaintances. It involves wrapping one's arm around the other person's shoulder or waist while standing side by side. This hug is less intimate, but still conveys warmth and companionship. Then there's the heart to heart hug. The heart to heart hug is an intentional and meaningful embrace that involves aligning the hearts of both huggers and huggee. This hug usually involves a long, is of long duration, and a deep sense of connection exists. This emphasizes emotional closeness and really a mutual understanding between the people. Then the back hug is a very affectionate gesture where one person hugs another from behind, wrapping their arms around the other's waist. This really implies a true connection and protection and a desire to be close. And this is often what you see between romantic partners. Then there's the quick hug. The quick hug is brief and spontaneous, and it's an embrace that conveys a sense of appreciation, greeting, or farewell. It's often used in situations where time is limited, but a quick support or affection is needed. And then the group hug involves people coming together in a collective embrace. This type of hug really fosters a sense of unity, camaraderie and shared support, and it's often used in celebratory or comforting moments, or when people are playing football or some of the sports games when things have gone really well and everybody's all excited and they all hug each other and jump up and down.
Melanie Ramey: [00:18:32] Now we've talked a lot about this important issue of touching. And people will say to me, how come I never learned much about sexuality and sex along the way? Well, it's really not your fault. You see, there are very few places to learn. Although actually a majority of states, for example, claim to require sex education in schools, it's usually euphemistically called health education. In most places, it's really only required to occur once a year and then in only 1 or 2 grades. And unfortunately, often the person delegated to teach it has really not been educated on the subject. I have heard many stories about sex education that people have received or haven't, as the case may be. I'll share some of them with you because you know you can always enjoy a good laugh. I can remember in a group, one person said that they were told that condoms had holes in them that were larger than sperm and the AIDS virus, so that the only way to prevent getting pregnant or getting AIDS was to avoid sex.
Melanie Ramey: [00:19:59] A woman said that she went to an all girls school, and there they were told that if they had already had sex, that they could renew their virginity by choosing abstinence. Once you had abstained for nine months, you were a virgin again. Your purity had been restored. Now, I haven't heard that often, because I don't think most people would have the nerve to nerve to stand up and say something like that. Another person said that the school where she went invited a lady to come and talk about abstinence. And the lady took a rose and she pulled off all the petals to demonstrate how much less you have to offer your future spouse if you have given some away to a bunch of other people beforehand. Another one said that they were told not to worry if they got raped because they couldn't get pregnant from rape because God wouldn't let that happen. And finally, one that I have heard many times, is that people say that Hitler had syphilis and it made him crazy and that is why the Holocaust happened. Well, it's really interesting that there are a number of of famous people with weird behavior that have often been alleged to have syphilis, and that's what causes them to act crazy. I personally don't know about everybody, but I really don't think that's the case with Hitler. Mainly because the Germans kept meticulous records of everything, even the horrible atrocities they committed. And so the records of Hitler's physician have been found, and they do not indicate that he had syphilis. He was just a mean megalomaniac who hated everyone who wasn't aryan or who was Jewish, disabled or homosexual. So, you know, he's actually worse than probably what would be caused by syphilis.
Melanie Ramey: [00:22:00] Many stories have come from people who went to Catholic schools. And again, some told us in a group that they had gone to Catholic school, where they were told to take a phone book with them on a date, and they were to keep the phone book between their knees while they were on the date. And another younger woman spoke up and said, oh, that they were told to take a quarter for the same reason. So I guess that since phone books no longer exist, that you have to use something quite a bit smaller. So it's really no wonder that we have had so much difficulty in understanding our sexuality and certainly in talking about it. So let me leave you with the idea that I hope you get a good, give somebody a good hug today, and get one for yourself if you like them, and we'll talk again soon.
You've been listening to Sexually Speaking with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Join Melanie again for more discussion about sexuality. Please visit Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.