about quiet confidence

In today’s monologue, I share the journey behind cultivating quiet confidence: the sort that doesn’t need to boast, but commands respect nonetheless. 

This isn't about arrogance, bravado, or external validation. It's about developing a calm, grounded presence that speaks louder than words.

I walk through the 7 intentional steps I’ve taken to build this inner foundation; 

steps any man can adopt to stand taller, speak less, and move with conviction. 

This form of confidence must be nurtured, protected, and above all, earned. 

From self-discipline and emotional control to personal values and quiet rituals, each element is a brick in the wall of lasting masculinity.

This episode is for the modern gentleman who values presence over pretense, and strength over showmanship.

What is Gentlemen Let's Talk About?

About Matters that should Matter to Men

Can you train your confidence?

Confidence is that elusive unicorn in the wild jungle that we call life.

One day you believe it is a well-trained pet, everready to come bounding in on your slightest call - only to realize it was only a mirage.

Or worse, a mule with a paste-on cone.

A decade back, my confidence was as indecisive as a chameleon in a bowl of Skittles.
or Cadbury’s Gems - whatever your preference.

I spent years oscillating between confidecne and the woeful lack thereof -
much like a cat’s affection,
smothering you one minute, glady ghosting you the next.

Until one day, I realized something simple:

Confidence was like a dial that i could turn up whenever i felt the need.

This school of confidence -
I refer to as quiet confidence.

Not the kind that walks into a room and announces itself, but the kind that makes peace with what it sees in the mirror every morning

Now, loud confidence needs an audience.
Quiet confidence just needs truth.

I discovered that quiet confidence is not the absence of doubt, but the presence of a very well-mannered inner dialogue that doesn’t need to shout to be heard.

It’s a quiet revolution that, once embraced, changes everything.

Here are seven practices that quietly revolutionized my self-belief without demanding a standing ovation or a drumroll:

The first thing I did was I started listening more than I spoke.
Not the kind of listening where you're waiting for your turn to talk.
But the kind where you actually absorb.

Tradition and masculinity have often glorified oratory.
The louder, the better.
Confidence though, I realised, wasn’t volume.

It was presence.

Then I embraced ‘not knowing’
In a culture that prizes knowing everything -
or at least pretending to,
admitting to ignorance was like showing up to a tennis tournament without a raquet, where everyone was carrying these fancy kit-bags, all wearing neon headbands.

But I already knew that pretending to know everything could be exhausting and as I soon discovered, entirely unnecessary.

Saying‘I don’t know’ made me a whole-hearted student all over again -
a learner -
And I loved that.
And continue to -
I learn, I grow.

I then mastered the art of not giving a hoot -
though I kept this carefully selective.
There’s absolute liberty in carefully tuning out the noise.

Now this could be unsolicited advice from that one relative who’s convinced your career should be focused on becoming a Bollywood villian
or your neighbor who seems to know everything about your life.

I very diligently learned to differentiate between constructive feedback and background noise.

and here comes a Spoiler Alert!
Most of it is background noise.

The next thing I did was did not react negatively to failing.
In fact, if I did fail, I did so with flair.

In India, in particular, failure is very often a family event.
It becomes a highlight on the WhatsApp family group.
Everyone attends to this event in your life -
a private matter, really, as if it were a carnival, everyone takes notes, and then sprinkles the room with confetti: in the form of unsolicited “friendly” advice.

If i do now experience a failing of any sort, or magnitude, I try to do so as quietly as possible -
though spectacularly, treating each stumble as a plot twist rather than a tragedy.

Confidence, as I know now, is resilience wrapped in good humor.

Then I conscisouly started thinking deeply, though never too seriously.

You see, intelligence is knowing when to be profound and when to laugh at the sheer absurdity of life.
Quiet confidence will thrive when this balance is in order.
pondering upon the universe’s magnificient mysteries one minute,
and then realizing the whole thing might just be a cosmic joke.

This can be migthy liberating and oddly comforting.

Being Okay with Being a ‘Work in Progress’
Society and its aunties loves neat categories: engineer, doctor, CEO.

But I realized life is more like a complicated Bollywood plot;
full of twists, dramatic pauses, and dance numbers -
that might make you feel cringy when you view them a decade on.

There is much to be figured out and you’ve got to yourself a big, bear hug as you continue along your gloriously messy journey.

That allows for quiet confidence to kick in and stay put.

Mastering the ‘Graceful Exit’
Now we are surrounded by chaos.
everywhere we look, there’s something that is asking -
no, demanding our attention.

Something that we have to be a part of:

Many of these, we can say goodbye to glady.
A draining meeting,
a toxic conversation,
an overenthusiastic family gathering -

You’ve got to know exactly when and how to exit gracefully.

Learn this and you become like a Duke in Devon.

This personally, is my power move.

Confidence isn’t just about showing up.

It’s knowing when to bow out with dignity and a subtle smile.

Now, Quiet confidence isn’t sexy.
It doesn’t go viral.
But it gives you an inner poise that doesn’t scream, “Look at me!”
It calmly whispers, “I’ve got this”
Even if inside, you’re still figuring out what “this” is.