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Mentoring is not just for your mentee. Zach is back with Stephen this week to discuss 7 reasons why it is helpful for your own mentoring relationship to be mentored yourself as well as how to go about finding a mentor.
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there was a boy named Anakin Skywalker. He was full of potential. And though some believed he was too old to be trained in the force, he was given a mentor named Obi Wan Kenobi. And Obi Wan Kenobi was trained in the force by a man named Qui Gon Jinn. Check it out, episode 1 of the Star Wars saga.
Speaker 2:Why am I sharing this with you? Today's episode is all about reasons why mentors need to be mentored themselves. We hope you enjoy today's episode. It has absolutely nothing to do with Star Wars and everything to do with mentoring. If you find it helpful, please share it with someone you know or even possibly someone you would like to mentor you.
Speaker 2:You can mentor. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 3:Welcome to another episode of the You Can Mentor podcast. This is you boy, Zachary Garza senior. Show some respect. I'm sitting here with the Murdaugh.
Speaker 2:Stephen Murray. Yes. Put respect on that guy's name. On On your name. Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I didn't know if you were talking first person. Alright. Hey, today, we are talking to all of you mentors out there listening to the You Can Mentor podcast about why you should have a mentor.
Speaker 2:This is a great episode.
Speaker 3:So I am just gonna go right into it. I believe that submitting underneath authority and having a mentor is the secret sauce. I believe it is what takes us from this level to the next level, because the Lord loves submission. It's his favorite thing, because it's rooted in humility. It's rooted in, I need help.
Speaker 3:I don't know what I'm doing. Someone, please guide me. Shepherd me. Right? Oh, man.
Speaker 3:It's so awesome. In my life, nothing has impacted me more than submitting to godly mentors. It's how I've learned how to be a good father, how I've learned how to be a good leader, how I've learned how to be a good everything is by watching other men and women who love the Lord do it first. I can't go where I haven't seen someone first go.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that's the power of mentoring.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:And I just believe it's so kingdom. Right? Like, God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And if we're sitting here, we're just a bunch of Isaacs, we all need Abrahams. And if we're mentoring, we've all got Jacobs.
Speaker 3:But we need Abrahams in our life. We need fathers. We need mentors. And so that's what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And you can't you can't give what you don't already have. And the main way you receive things is through relationships, investment, people who invest in your life. And acknowledging their investment is is what we're talking about today, acknowledging who have been the mentors in your life and thinking about who are the people you need to pursue. If you're gonna be a good mentor, you need to be mentored.
Speaker 3:That's right. Now I know there's a difference between mentoring and discipleship, but in my mind, it's all the same. Right? Go and make disciples. And so if you're supposed to go and make disciples, well, that means someone has discipled you, and then it's your turn to go and make disciples.
Speaker 3:There's a book called The Making of a Disciple, and they talk about how you won't know if you were effective as a mentor, as someone who makes disciples, until the 4th generation. So what that means is, okay, if I'm mentoring Steven, that's awesome. Right? But if I'm not teaching him to mentor, then I'm not doing the best job possible. So I mentor Steven.
Speaker 3:I teach him to mentor someone else. Steven mentors John, and then John mentors Scott. Right? I just made up those names. Very generic white names.
Speaker 3:But that's how I know is if I pour into Steven, but I teach him how to invest into someone, and then Steven teaches that person how to invest into someone. That's that 4th generation. So may we not just mentor kids, but may we mentor kids and instill into them the value of mentoring Yes. And spur them on to mentor other people. And if every person that you mentor mentors 3 people in their entire lifespan, I'm talking that's a generational movement.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:If I mentor 3 and those 3 mentor 3 and Steven mentors 3 and those mentors, you know, they have 3 as well. I mean, we're talking, like, I'm no math wizard, but I think multiplication,
Speaker 2:works It's exponential.
Speaker 3:That's the word I was looking for, exponential. I don't even know what that means, but it's that.
Speaker 2:And this isn't a pyramid scheme. It's it's kingdom investment. When you mentor people and envision them to mentor, the fruit of your labor is exponentially multiplied.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 2:And it's and that's that's the beauty of mentoring.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. So let's get into it. Shall we?
Speaker 2:We should.
Speaker 3:Let's get into it. Don't know why I sing.
Speaker 2:I I honestly think we need music transitions and Man, I just I'm gonna make that happen.
Speaker 3:I just feel like there's a song in my heart that needs to get out, honestly. I mean, it's just
Speaker 2:You've been in upper room too much. Okay. Why
Speaker 3:Yes, Lord.
Speaker 2:Why should people get a mentor?
Speaker 3:Okay. Why you should get one is because the best to do it. If you look at the people who are having the most impact, and I'm talking business, I'm talking sports, kingdom, whatever, behind that person of greatness, there's someone standing on the sidelines who've taught them everything that they know. Right? Every good athlete has a coach.
Speaker 3:Every good person who's entrepreneurial, they've learned from coach. Every good person who's entrepreneurial, they've learned from someone. Someone has taught them how to do it. And everyone who the Lord is using to multiply the kingdom like crazy, behind that person, there's a mentor. There's a father figure.
Speaker 3:There's someone who said, hey, I don't care about getting the credit. I'm gonna invest in you everything that you know, and I'm gonna be totally fine knowing that the Lord's gonna use you by me teaching you what he has taught me. Yeah. So it is that 2nd Timothy 22. I figured that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The apostle Paul Like what you've heard from me, find faithful men
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:To teach to others. Yeah. That was a horrible
Speaker 3:It's that's probably some kind of new I probably should read my bible more. New office
Speaker 2:New office translation. Translation. I always love what you tell our staff. You're like, look at any successful person, and you will find mentors who've got them to where they're at today. And I think that that's And this
Speaker 3:is what's so cool is when you mentor someone, like, there's so much humility in that because that person's gonna get all the credit, and you get none. But you've gotta be okay with that because what man doesn't see, the Lord sees. And, man, you might not get any anything here on earth for investing into someone else. But in heaven, you're gonna get done. No.
Speaker 3:So why you should get one? Because the best do it. 2, faithful with a little, master over much. You should always be growing. Right?
Speaker 3:Be a lifelong learner. Never grow tired of finding out ways to become more like Jesus. Never get tired of finding ways to better your craft or to improve yourself. Right? So
Speaker 2:Yeah. And if if you're a mentor, but you're not being mentored, check yourself because that that may be a symptom of pride that I have all the knowledge.
Speaker 3:I need help. I'm good.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I'm the one that you should be learning from, not the one that's learning. And I I I think that that's that's helpful. And even you see I mean, just you say the best do it, but if if the best are doing it, that means that they're always learning. Like, they're always growing.
Speaker 2:And so you you have to recognize that if you're gonna be at the top, the only way to be at the top is to continually be invested in.
Speaker 3:Right. And there are people out there who say, you know, I am mentored by books. I'm mentored by podcasts. And yeah. Hey, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:Like, there's nothing wrong with that. But the Lord just tends to work in life on life. Like, yes, read books. Yes, podcasts, articles, whatever you need to do. Be a lifelong learner, but the best way to learn is by submitting underneath people.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, I've never met anyone who was discipled by Jesus outside of someone who wasn't Jesus. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:No. Well,
Speaker 2:aside from the 12 apostles, all of us have been discipled by someone that wasn't Jesus. And Oh, yeah. Thinking about I mean, if I I haven't met someone that was meant said, my mentor is the bible. Like, yes, your mentor is the Bible, but someone was teaching you that, holding you accountable to it, and calling you into it.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And if you don't have that person, really, you can just do whatever you want without any accountability.
Speaker 3:And that's not a good place to be. Nope. The Lord changes lives 3 ways, through his spirit, through the Bible, and through other people. Being mentored is allowing the Lord to change your life through other people. Is it messy?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Do those people get it right? Are they perfect? Nope. But there's something that happens when you're in relationship.
Speaker 3:You can forgive. You can go through hard times. You can go through good times. You can celebrate. You can cry.
Speaker 3:You can laugh. God works through relationships. That's why I have a tattoo on my back that says relationships change lives. I'm just kidding. I don't have a tattoo.
Speaker 2:In Chinese.
Speaker 3:I actually do have a Chinese tattoo. And so,
Speaker 2:Hey. That gets us to our next point, humility. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:The third one, set the example. Okay? It's simple. Do what you want your mentee to do. If you're, like, hey, man, you need to be mentored, you need to submit, you need to find godly authority and do what they say, and well, you've gotta do it first.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You gotta walk the walk.
Speaker 3:Because more has got the taught.
Speaker 2:And I I find people that, I think in getting into mentoring someone, that's what propels them to get mentored Yeah. And to seek out advice. For sure. And so I I don't want it to come off like you have to have a mentor before you start mentoring, like, this prerequisite kinda deal where you have a contract with some older person that's smarter than you, but it's more of recognize, hey. Getting into mentoring, you're you're committing to being an example.
Speaker 2:And Yeah. To be that example, you're gonna need support.
Speaker 3:Yep. The next one. Alright? I'm calling it, you gotta get covered up. Like, find someone to cover you.
Speaker 3:Find someone to submit under so that they can provide this kind of unseen protection. Whenever you submit to someone, the lord honors that, and you get protected not only physically by your mentor, but also by the Lord. When the Lord looks down and sees someone who's humbly submitted, he loves it. It's like he just puts his hand on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Isn't that something that my wife's just supposed to do to me? What? Submit? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:Katie, I hope you're not listening to this, because if so, Steven's sleeping on my couch for the next listening to this because if so, Steven's sleeping on my couch for the next 2 weeks. No. We love everyone in this podcast, especially our wives Yeah. And women. Y'all are I this is a side part.
Speaker 3:The next I was joking. Man, the Lord is moving so mildly through women. Godly women, watch out, world.
Speaker 2:Come on.
Speaker 3:They're coming. Godly movement. Yeah. Alright. Next up.
Speaker 3:It's an act of humility, and we've talked about that. But nothing says humility like saying, I don't know. Can you please help me? Like, God doesn't like pride, but he exalts those who are humble. And that's in the Bible many a times.
Speaker 3:And so just like humility, humility, humility. This the son of man came not to be served, but to serve. He is the picture of humility, and we wanna be like him.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Next up, Murdoch. Hit us with that truth.
Speaker 2:Don't go alone. Who are the people you need to pull in who are smarter than you, more careful than you, willing to say the hard thing, tell you the truth?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've I've loved being mentored by Zach here in this room because he he's willing to say things that other people aren't willing to say. And you need someone in your life to do that. If you don't, you're in you're in a a what do you call it? A vacuum of just affirmation of just how you wanna live your life, and you're in complete control. Yep.
Speaker 2:And so it's it's kind of similar to submission. If you're not submitted, you are calling the shots. You're not allowing anyone else to influence or help you see things that are in your blind spots. I mean, every, I would I'm not gonna say every accident. A majority of the accidents I've been in were because I wasn't able to see the car that I was about to hit.
Speaker 2:And I I think for leaders and for mentors, the the areas that we don't see in our own lives, we need someone to speak into it and and tell us the truth and and look into our blind spots and and call us not not just to account, but but say, hey. Have you ever thought about this? And surrounding yourself with smart people? I don't think you can go wrong. Like Zach.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Well and how I learned that is because I submitted underneath my mentor, a guy named Scott Frost, who's currently our board chairman. And the dude's not afraid to tell me when I've got a big old log in my eye that I can't see. And that's what's so great. And that's how the Lord has created us.
Speaker 3:Right? We need other people. Like, we can't see where we're going wrong. We don't see where I mean, we are as human beings, we don't have full perspective, but God surrounds us with people. I was eating a hot dog just this past week.
Speaker 3:I love hot dogs. It's so good. And I had some mustard on my chin. Right? And this person came up to me and was like, hey, man.
Speaker 3:You've got something on your chin just right here. And, oh, thanks so much. And then I thought to myself, how long have I been walking around with mustard on my face, and how many people didn't say anything
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:To me? Right? Well, there's a lot of mustard on my face at all times. And I need people to be like, hey, Garza. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You're there's mustard on your face. You're speaking too harsh. You're being prideful. You're not being gentle. You think you're awesome.
Speaker 3:And, full. You're not being gentle. You think you're awesome. And more times than not, they're right.
Speaker 2:Something we've talked about before, and I think this is true. The smartest people in the room don't tend to give unsolicited advice. They wait until you ask for it. Mhmm. And so if you're sitting in a room and you're not willing to say, hey.
Speaker 2:Do you see anything wrong in my life, or what do you think about this, and ask that question, More often than not, the only advice you're gonna get is from the the people in the room that just say what they think.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And those people aren't necessarily the the best people to get advice from. Right. It's it's the people that you pursue and invite in, and and we have to ask those questions in order to be mentored.
Speaker 3:And let me be the first to tell you, don't find a mentor just based on their title. I know people who, quote unquote, aren't successful in the eyes of the world, who have been some of the best mentors I have. Like, they're wise. They have experience. They've been through some stuff.
Speaker 3:Right? And so, like, don't go after their titles. Don't go after their experience. Don't go after how much cash they have or go after their character. Go after their heart.
Speaker 3:But so much of having a mentor is like having a father. And whether you had an awesome father or not, we all could use some more shepherding. In first Corinthians 4 15 says this, for though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you then be imitators of me.
Speaker 3:There's a lot of guides out there, people who are, hey, go here, go here. But a father a father will tell you the thing that you don't want to hear. Why? Because they love you. Because they love you more than they want your approval.
Speaker 3:You know, I am willing to tell someone the thing that they need to hear, the thing that I believe the Holy Spirit has told me to tell them in some cases. And the thing that's keeping them from being the most like Jesus, I am willing to do that because I care more about them than whether or not they like me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Now I have to say that in the right way, but be a father. Be a mentor who says the hard thing, but also have people in your life who are doing the same for you. Mhmm. It's vital. It's everything, man.
Speaker 3:It's so I mean, that is kingdom.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And, I mean, it's it's kinda like fathers versus Google search. Like, that's the guide. Yeah. And your question that you put in Google search will influence the the answers it gives you.
Speaker 2:If I type in, is coffee good for you? I'll get a 1,000 articles that are, like, coffee is so good for you. If I type in, is coffee bad for me? I'll get a 1,000 things to say, yeah. Coffee is totally bad for you.
Speaker 2:Like, caffeine, totally like, what are you doing to your body? And with a father, you're not gonna get an easy answer. The answer that you want to hear, you're gonna get relationship. You're gonna get follow-up questions. You're gonna get the dive deep
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:That really someone who cares for you, not just an answer that's thrown at you.
Speaker 3:And where 2 or more gathered, there I am. I've never experienced the Holy Spirit through Google. Hasn't happened. But I've experienced Holy Spirit a ton when I'm sitting around people.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? Last one. Alright.
Speaker 2:Unless you type in, like, Bible hub or something like
Speaker 3:I mean, you rap jeez, Murdoch. I know why I
Speaker 2:You never read a commentary?
Speaker 3:Come on.
Speaker 2:Come on, Zach.
Speaker 3:Last one. Mentor relationships always lead to more opportunities and insights that can benefit those you mentor. Mhmm. So if you really care about being the best mentor possible, if you care about the person that you're investing into, you gotta keep filling up that tank. And you do that by getting with mentors.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Go listen to our episode about social capital. Mhmm. Because that that fits right in of who are the people that you can connect your mentee to. And if and maybe those people are your mentors.
Speaker 3:And can I also just say, guys, I feel so smart when I use the word social capital?
Speaker 2:It's just I I I agree.
Speaker 3:I'm just I'm feeling real smart. Alright. So those are all the reasons why you should get a mentor. And I know what you guys are thinking. Alright?
Speaker 3:You're like, man, Zach, that's so great. You're so smart. Man, I just I wanna do this. Now how do I do it? How do I find 1?
Speaker 3:I I don't feel like there's a mentor out there for me. And we're gonna break that down for you. Murdoch.
Speaker 2:Break it down.
Speaker 3:Tell them how to find 1. How to find a good mentor.
Speaker 2:Number 1, surround yourself with people who you want to be like. Matt Clark, if you're listening. I wanna be like you. Be intentional about putting yourself in that room. I yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, you have to pursue. Mentees, at least for us adults, if we're wanting to be like someone, we have to pursue them. We have to reach out to them and invite yourself over. I mean, these some of the guys that mentor me, they're in my church. I feel the freedom to just go over to their house Mhmm.
Speaker 2:On on on Insolicited. Uninvited. Yeah. That's good. Maybe there's some other people I shouldn't show up to their house.
Speaker 2:I'd probably get in trouble. But how are you being intentional to pursue those people and be in their presence? And, again, like, take them out to coffee. Mhmm. This guy, Bob Mabry, he lives in Sacsay.
Speaker 2:I don't even know where Sacsay is. He said I asked him if he would meet with me. He said, if you can meet me in Garland at 6 AM at this coffee shop, I'll see you there. Mhmm. I was like, yes.
Speaker 2:Okay. Sometimes it's not gonna be convenient, but it's also do you do you want the investment of an older man? Are you gonna be intentional to do it?
Speaker 3:Yep. Yep. Whenever I first came to know the the Lord, there's this guy who was my age. And he said, I'll disciple you, but you have to meet at 5 AM at Cafe Brazil 75 in University.
Speaker 2:I don't think you like Cafe Brazil, do you?
Speaker 3:I don't. I don't like overrated. But he said, 5 AM Thursdays. And I was like, 5 AM? That's so early.
Speaker 3:Like, no. But I was like, yes, I want it. And I did. And the Lord changed my life through it.
Speaker 2:This is what I love. Okay. Try to follow me here.
Speaker 3:Cause I don't know if I will make sense when you go to where someone lives, when you carve out time to meet with them, when you're doing things that are difficult to get what you want, that's called sacrifice.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And the Lord loves sacrifice. He honors sacrifice. That's why I love going to, like, conferences and things like that. It's because I'm paying money. I'm it takes effort to go.
Speaker 3:I have to take a road trip and dah, dah, but paying $200, taking a road trip, taking a couple of days off of work. That's a sacrifice and God tends to honor that. So surround yourself with people that you want to be like, right? My kids are all about the show wildcats right now. Wild cats.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You don't have any kids, so you wouldn't know. Well, I have
Speaker 2:one, but, he's learning ABCs,
Speaker 3:but it talks all about animals and things like that. And what I found out is animals that are alike are in the same pack, and they hang out with each other. So if you wanna be an eagle, you gotta hang out with eagles. If you wanna be a cheetah, you gotta hang out with cheetahs. Same time, cockroaches hang out with other cockroaches too.
Speaker 3:I'm not calling you a cockroach. But what I am saying is hang out with who you wanna be like. Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. Wow.
Speaker 2:Right? That's good.
Speaker 3:So be intentional about that. And then know what you want. Mhmm. Right? That is the second part.
Speaker 3:Know what you want and ask for it. Hey, you know, guy, you're a great husband. Can you teach me how to do that? Hey, I see that you're a good father. I need help in that area.
Speaker 3:Can you go out to coffee with me for 6 weeks and just teach me everything that you know about how to be a good father. So be specific. Don't be vague. Right? And kinda do your homework a a tad bit.
Speaker 3:Right?
Speaker 2:I think that's the hardest part.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Is I mean, people who have a good, like, okay. This guy's built business after business after business after business. I should probably ask him about how to build a business, but it takes some homework to find out where he's strong and where he's
Speaker 2:going to be. If you if your expectation is, I'm just gonna get go get coffee with this guy one time, and he's gonna teach me how to do it. Yeah. It's like every Facebook ad I've seen in the last 3 years is like, download this thing, and it'll teach you how to make a $100,000 this month. And it's it's like there there's no video that could do that.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And if anyone's selling you something, talking about something that they're doing, really the way they make money is selling you that thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I mean And Guys, for for 1000 of years, people have learned from people. Only in the last, you know, 400 years have we had things like books and and podcasts podcasts back in 18/10. But, like, learning from people works. There's a reason why, like, you were in a pretense for years before you started your own shoe shop.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, people will learn best from people. So, know what you want and ask for it. Be specific. The lot, the next one.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Find someone who succeeded, but more importantly, find someone who has failed because you can learn so much. I would say so much more from learning from someone's failures than you can from their successes. That's, what's so great about failing is, yeah, it stinks and yeah, it's hard. But if you take advantage of it, you can learn so much and become wise.
Speaker 3:Look at, you know, Bible character, after Bible character, after Bible character, they fail a lot, but they learn from it and they become more like Jesus. And in some ways, God allows us to fail 1 so we can learn, but 2, so we can get humbled. So take advantage of that. Ask people. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Hey, what works? Tell me how you got here, but also ask them, Hey, Tell me where you failed. Tell me if you had to go back and do something over again. Tell me what you changed. You know?
Speaker 2:Now is getting is getting a mentor a way to not fail, like, to prevent failure?
Speaker 3:I think it can eliminate some failures. Yeah. Because they've paid the cost, right? Like they've paid the toll of failure to get to where they are today. Sometimes you can learn from them.
Speaker 3:Sometimes you just have to figure out on your own. Right. So that just depends. But I would think that everyone fails from time to time because we're not perfect.
Speaker 2:But Well, and even what you tell me is, like, if you're not failing, are you really trying? Are you You're not trying.
Speaker 3:Gotta put yourself out there, man. Failure. I love failing so much. Like, it is so good because you can learn from it so much, but that's because I'm super positive. But
Speaker 2:And so if your mentor has no failures in their life, or are they really the person you should be learning from?
Speaker 3:That's hard to hear. But yeah. You're right. Okay. And so this is the last one.
Speaker 3:There are probably people in your church who want to mentor you. Just like you don't know how to find a mentor, they don't know how to find a mentee. And so it's pretty similar just to asking someone out on a date. Like, hey, I like you. I think you've got something cool.
Speaker 3:Let's hang out.
Speaker 2:You mean you have to totally like them? Or, because I think that's that's the issue. It's like some I can hear someone saying, like, well, all the old people at my church, like, they're mean, or they don't seem, like, very inviting. And I I can just hear someone saying that. So what would you
Speaker 3:Well, I I would say this. There's a preconceived notion that the person who's mentoring you has to be older than you, and I would argue against that. Now, yeah, more times than not, that's a good thing. But I've been mentored by people who are my age, and I've been mentored by people who I'm older than. But, I mean, no.
Speaker 3:Like, you don't have to like everything about, You know, the person who is mentoring you, just like I don't have to like every word in a book that I like. Right? No. Like one of my sayings that my mentor told me is you gotta chew up the meat and spit out the bones. So like, there's always going to be some bones that you just have to spit out.
Speaker 3:So there might be a mentor who has 9 things that you really like, but 2 things that you don't like, we'll focus on the 9 things or focus on the one thing that you do like. Also, just in regards to a mentor, some mentors last 6 weeks, some mentors last 6 months, some last 60 years. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 3:just know that there's a season for everything. Cool.
Speaker 2:That's good, man. Well, I I love the thought that we we shouldn't hold our mentors to an expectation on them being the perfect mentor. But the idea is that we have something to learn. Yeah. And as we approach those relationships, particularly men in the church, if if you find a godly man who's pursuing Jesus and actively in involved in a a community where he's being challenged to do that, there's probably something you can learn from them.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Everybody's my teacher. Everybody is my teacher. Everyone has something you can learn from.
Speaker 2:So let's let's go into what to do when you get the guy. You get the mentor. You get the gal. You're on the date, the first date, the first mentor. What what do you do as a mentor?
Speaker 3:Or or
Speaker 2:what do you do as a mentee?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I will not mentor someone who doesn't do what I say. It's that simple. So, you know, one thing that I do as a mentor is I always give someone a little bit of homework. Hey.
Speaker 3:For next week, read this verse and tell me what you think. And if he comes back, that shows me that he's this is kinda how I say it is he's fat, faithful, available, teachable. If he doesn't, oh, sorry. My kid got sick. Sorry.
Speaker 3:I had I was like, bro, it's one verse. Like, you couldn't have made like, you could've showed
Speaker 2:up really long verse.
Speaker 3:Like, but what to do when you get one? Be the best student possible. Right? Do what they say. Build the relationship.
Speaker 3:Invest. Know that it's a process, but you've gotta do what they say. Like, I'll invest into someone as long as I know that my investment is bearing fruit. If my investment is not bearing fruit, I will go find someone who my investment will bear fruit in.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I have yet to find a mentor who doesn't like to invest into someone who isn't a good steward with their with their time, with their advice, with their wisdom.
Speaker 2:And that's something that every mentor of a kid from a hard place experiences Right. The frustration of this kid's not listening. He doesn't he doesn't make it a priority. And so all of those things that you feel in your mentor relationship or maybe feel, reflect that to yourself. Are you doing what your your mentor is asking of you?
Speaker 2:Are you taking their advice? Are you submitted? And I I think that's that's a challenging log in your own eye kind of moment.
Speaker 3:Next up is you've gotta make it easy on them. Like, go go to them, work around their schedule, be flexible, just look for any opportunity to spend time with them. Hey. Can I go to the gym with you? There's a guy here in town.
Speaker 3:His name is Steve Harden, and I know Steve walks around the track at Lake Highlands 4 times a week. And if I ever need time with Steve hey, Steve. Can I go walk with you? Oh, yeah, man. Of course, brother.
Speaker 3:But I know that, like, that's part of his week. And if I wanna get his time, he's an important man. I have to go to him and I have to walk with him. On Maxwell has a story about paying $100 an hour to spend an hour with someone that he admired. That's awesome.
Speaker 3:Hey, give me an hour of your time and I'll give you $100. And, like, he has planned vacations and, like, he has, like he's made his life revolve around them, not make them revolve their lives around his schedule.
Speaker 2:So How valuable is it to you?
Speaker 3:Man, just connect into their rhythms. Make it easy.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 3:Next up, don't don't ask for everything the first conversation. Right? Like, come on, guys, girls. Like, it's just like, don't ask for them to marry you on the first date. Like, don't go full boil on them.
Speaker 3:But Yeah. It's better to
Speaker 2:have one question than 10 questions.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Right? So just like, hey, like, what is the one piece of advice that I want today? Hey, can can you teach me how you pursue your wife? Hey, can you teach me how you read your Bible?
Speaker 3:Can you teach me how you spend time with
Speaker 2:Yeah. Ask them for stories.
Speaker 3:Right. And yeah. So just one bite at a time. Next up, mentors aren't vending machines. You guys gotta build the relationships.
Speaker 3:Okay? Life is all about relationships. So you aren't just using them for their wisdom. Like, no, you're actually creating a relationship. So how do you do that?
Speaker 3:Well, you ask them questions. Ask them about their lives. Pay attention. If they have a family, know their names. Know things that are important to them.
Speaker 3:Right? And so just, like, do the do the things that you would do in regards to building a relationship with anyone, but just do that with your mentor.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like, are are you writing a thank you card
Speaker 3:Oh, man.
Speaker 2:Saying, hey. Thank thank you for spending time with me. I really appreciated it. This is what I took away. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Are you taking notes? Are you acknowledging them as a person Mhmm. And how they've given you value. Yeah. Because I think when when we do that, that's communicating relationship.
Speaker 2:Right. That that this is what I got from you, and I'm really grateful
Speaker 3:for it. Saying thank you is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It's so great. One thing that I do is if I go to a mentor, like, hey. I need some advice in this area.
Speaker 3:And he gives it to me to thank him and to show him that I actually, you know,
Speaker 2:did something did
Speaker 3:something with his advice. As soon as I do it, I'll text him. Hey, I was having an issue with my wife. You told me to do this. I did, and it was awesome.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for your wisdom. There's no way that I could have done that without you. And, like, that makes the mentor feel so good. It makes him feel like he's making an impact, and that makes him wanna spend time with you again. So the next time you call, hey.
Speaker 3:Can we go grab coffee? He's saying, okay. The last time I had coffee with Zach, I gave him advice, and he did it, and it changed his life. Yeah. I'll for sure have coffee with him again.
Speaker 2:A mentoring hack is to do something based off of something you've learned from someone who's not mentoring you yet to show them that you really care about their investment and the things that you've learned from them from afar, that is a great way to grow closer. I mean, I've had so many situations where I've I've emailed or texted people in my life that have influenced me from afar. And when you do something with or respond to someone's life or the things that they're doing, it it matters them to hear the feedback of how they've impacted you. And so it it doesn't necessarily have to happen. The mentor relationship begins, then the impact.
Speaker 2:Sometimes Mhmm. People from afar are influencing me, and I'd let them know, hey. When you said this on this Facebook post or in this video or at church. I took that, and this is what I did with it. And I think I think that's a really, great way to build relationship with those mentors.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's great, Steven. The next one, you've gotta pass it on. And why is because well, we talked about this. Like, that's how you advance the kingdom.
Speaker 3:So teach someone else. But also when you teach someone else, that really locks it in. Like, yeah, you can learn it. But when you teach what you learned, that's when you start to become an expert. Don't collect wisdom, but pass on the things that people have taught you.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, freely I have received, freely I give.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:And then lastly
Speaker 2:Well, and I'll just say on that. I told every single college student in my ministry that the way I wanna live my life is that I don't want anything that I've received to end with me, but begin with me. And so if someone's sharing something, I want it to be as if I'm I'm the first one that shares it. Mhmm. And if everyone acts that way, all of the knowledge wisdom that the church is receiving from God as well as from one another, the skills that he's given us will be given away.
Speaker 2:And that's that's a beautiful act of generosity Yep. With mentoring.
Speaker 3:Steven, talk about number 6, tell your story.
Speaker 2:Number 6 is take it slow. So rushing the process of mentorship is a sure way to not get everything out of it. So don't be in it for quick, short term solutions. Commit to mentorship for long term growth. There there is this proverb that I read.
Speaker 2:It's pretty it's pretty interesting. It says this. It says, how long would it take me to become great under you? This guy asks his his master. And and the master says, it'll take 10 years.
Speaker 2:The guy says, I don't have that long, says the student. I wanna be good soon. What if I worked very hard and dedicated myself completely to the task? Okay. 30 years, he says back.
Speaker 2:But That's not that's even longer, the student says with some perplexity. I'm telling you that I'm in a hurry. So the master replies precisely, students in a hurry end up taking even longer to learn what is right in front of them. That's a mister Miyagi moment right there. Wax on, wax off, bro.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Right.
Speaker 2:So That's awesome. I just I I think that's so true that if we're in a hurry to get the quick solution, it's gonna cost us a lot more time, a lot more in in the long run.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, that that mentorship should be should be slow. Mhmm. And it's kinda like novelty versus intimacy that novelty is just, like, what's the next thing and just moving, moving, moving, moving, moving? Or do we grow in-depth in wisdom? And wisdom isn't necessarily the the easy thing Yep.
Speaker 2:That's right in front of you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Patience. Right? Like, the Lord's not in a hurry. He he has no timetable.
Speaker 3:And so we've gotta be patient.
Speaker 2:Spirit.
Speaker 3:It is a fruit of the spirit. It's one that I overlook often. Probably because I'm in a hurry. Alright. The next one, feel free to avoid the word mentor.
Speaker 3:And I say that even though we have a podcast called You Can Mentor, and we run an organization called Foreign A Mentor. But I always let the mentor kinda give himself a title. So, like, I am not like, this is my mentor. This is my spiritual father. Right?
Speaker 3:Like, I I call him what he calls himself. So pay attention to how he refers to himself when he's talking to you or when he introduces, you know, you to someone. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. It doesn't have to be official.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Your mentors don't have to, like, sign a sign a 6 month contract.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Right? So just hey. Be flexible in that regard. And then last one, which I think might be one of the most important ones. I hate this one.
Speaker 3:Oh, man. It's so good. Man, don't check out when they challenge you. Like, when they start talking about the hard stuff, when they start talking about, hey, bro, you've got a lot of mustard on your gin. Don't leave.
Speaker 3:Like, the heart is good. Oh, man. Like, that's where you grow. Like, you aren't perfect. And this person has come alongside you, and he's been bold enough.
Speaker 3:She's been courageous enough to point out areas where you're weak, to point out your flaws, to tell you the things that you don't see. If that's not love, I don't know what it is. Mhmm. Early on, whenever a mentor would tell me something that I didn't like to hear, I would wash my hands and be, I'm done with them. They don't love me.
Speaker 3:They're out to get me. They're not for me. And then someone once told me this. You know, I was at a board meeting, and there was one of my board members told me something hard. I got mad.
Speaker 3:Might have acted like a child. And after the board, you know, after the board meeting, this other guy came up to me and said, Zach, you realize that he is volunteering his time.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:That he didn't have to say that. And he knew that saying the hard things would cause, you know, a tiny bit of friction. And he did that because he loves you, not because he's out to get you. Remember, they're volunteering like they are doing this for free. And that really opened up my eyes.
Speaker 3:Like, man, when someone gives you hard words, when someone tells you the truth, even if they don't say it the right way, even if they're a little bit too harsh, you know, even if they don't present it to you exactly how you want, you've gotta believe the best.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And say, man, you know what? I believe this person's for me, and I'm gonna take what they have said to me, and I'm gonna ask some other people, and I'm gonna bring it towards the Lord. I'm gonna ask my wife, and I'm gonna sit on it and see if there's any truth into it. And more times than not, there is. So
Speaker 2:I've I've thought a lot about, like, giving people a process for giving feedback that would be easy to receive. It doesn't exist.
Speaker 3:Yes. No. It's hard.
Speaker 2:People do that encouragement sandwich. I hate that. That drives me insane.
Speaker 3:That's awesome because I just
Speaker 2:That's all you
Speaker 3:tell you exact
Speaker 2:That's what I'm just no. But I the one piece of feedback that has always stayed with me, and, I mean, I just think that that's that's good to know. Like, there's no easy way to give feedback. There's no easy way to receive it, but it's necessary. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:One piece of feedback someone gave me, they said, Steven, I don't think it's it's it's not easy to give you feedback because I don't think you'll receive it. And in the moment, I didn't even think that that was true, which is kind of telling of maybe it is true. But the fact that they said that, that has stuck with me anytime I've received feedback. Mhmm. I think back to someone telling me it's hard to give you feedback.
Speaker 2:Yep. And so maybe I should hone in and focus when someone is speaking into my life, and I I think that that's a really important skill to have that the foundation of it is feedback is hard. Know that it is. Yeah. Don't reject it.
Speaker 3:There's a great book called Necessary Endings. I think it's by Cloud. It might be by John Townsend. I get those 2 confused. But it's great book.
Speaker 3:It talks about receiving feedback. I encourage you to read it. But I would also say that something that one of my mentors, a guy named John Kazerman, told me is no matter how outlandish someone's feedback sounds, no matter how they deliver it, no matter what, there's always a little bit of truth in it. Even if it's 99% wrong, you can say, Holy Spirit, is there 1% that's right?
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:In more times than not, there is. So, be wise, receive feedback. Yeah. Alright.
Speaker 2:Where is it 1%. Yeah. Right? 99%.
Speaker 3:The 1%. The odds. He's off. Totally off. Alright.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna go through these quick because we're done.
Speaker 3:But remember, more is caught than taught. Just spending time with someone who you think is wiser in one area is a great use of your time. Observe. Watch them work. Be around them.
Speaker 3:More is caught than taught. 2, remember, it's only 1st season. K? So don't get mad when a mentor is like, hey. I'm super busy, and I can't meet with you.
Speaker 3:Be thankful for what they gave you, not mad about what they haven't given you yet. Mhmm. A mentor is not the solution, but he or she can be part of the solution. Okay? So just know that it's not about just dictating advice, but it's about coming together.
Speaker 3:Like, the best things that I've learned from my mentors is when we can do something together. I just sat in an in a in a budget meeting for 2 hours. I hate budgets. I have no idea how to do them. But I've sat in them now for years, and now I know how to do them.
Speaker 3:Why? Because one of my board members sits me down and teaches me how to do it. He does it with me. He shows me, and now I can do it. Awesome.
Speaker 3:So I wanna say thanks, Chad. Next, are you adding value to your mentor? Even if it's just encouragement, even if it's just support. How are you making their life better? Are you saying thank you?
Speaker 3:Are you in some way adding value to them? You can improve their life through encouragement, through gifts, through whatever. Just make their life better. Like, I'm a gift card. Like, take them out to a nice dinner and, like, just celebrate them.
Speaker 3:It'll be great. And then last, mentoring is active. It's not passive. Like, it can get dirty. It can get messy.
Speaker 3:It can get hard. Stick with it because it is the key to growth. It's humility. It is submission. It is how the Lord grows us.
Speaker 3:Relationships change lives. Yes. You mentoring someone else, but also he can transform your life by you being mentored. So Amen. Do it.
Speaker 3:Murdoch, close us out.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening to the You Can Mentor podcast. We'd love to hear your feedback. Rate this podcast. Share it. Tell your friends about us.
Speaker 2:Send us a text message, an email, a tweet. What? Yeah. We have Twitter. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring leader, we'd love to invite you to be a part of our learning labs there once a month to talk about common mentoring issues with other leaders in Christian mentoring. And, yeah, we'd love to meet you. So send us a note. You can mentor. You can mentor.