THE PESKY PILLOW PROBLEM

Show Notes

Podcast Host Ray Sanders challenges listeners to live on purpose by finding someone to help, love and encourage each and everyday.

What is Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast?

Each episode is hosted by Ray Sanders, an award-winning journalist with more than 30 years of experience in both print and broadcast media.

As a CEO, he has grown multi-million-dollar organizations, led an award-winning financial institution, served in a nonpartisan role with the United States Senate and pioneered international efforts to bring clean water to remote regions of the world.

Sanders is the founder of Coaching Leaders an executive coaching and business consulting firm that provides CEO’s with valuable input from a team of seasoned business leaders who have served at the highest level within successful multimillion-dollar organizations.

The Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast unpacks inspiring insights from inspiring people.

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How to overcome adversity.

Ways to live a life full of meaning and purpose.

Common mistakes and how to avoid them.

What makes a purpose-driven business unique, different and successful?

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How cause-minded companies give back through Edify Leaders and other great causes?

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Ray: 00:08

Hello, everyone. I'm Ray Sanders, and you're listening to the Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast. You know, today, I want to unpack something that I call the pesky pillow problem. This is the opening slide, the opening line in a speech that I've given at the American Bankers Association. It's kind of one of my common, well known stump speeches that I give.

Ray: 00:32

But I don't know about if you're like me, but there are times when I I I go to bed at night, I lay my head on my pillow, and I think, is my life really making a difference? Is there meaning in my life? Do I have purpose? What in the world am I doing what I'm doing for? Is it just to make money?

Ray: 00:56

Is it just to get through another day? So I think we have this pillow problem. We lay our head on our pillow every night and we ask ourselves, why am I here? Why am I doing this? And I love the quote from Mark Twain.

Ray: 01:10

Do you know it? It says, the 2 most important days of your life are the day that you were born and the day that you find out why. Wow. Isn't that amazing? Now, I wanna I wanna set the stage for this.

Ray: 01:26

I think that as little kids, early on, you know, our parents are constantly cheering us on cheering us on to climb the ladder. Right? It starts by, oh, we rolled over in bed. Oh, look. He rolled over in bed.

Ray: 01:41

And they cheer us and they applaud us. The next thing, we raise up on on the side of the crib and they cheer us for for raising up there. And then we're crawling around and eventually we crawl up on the side of the couch. And from the very beginning, we're climbing this ladder in life. And in the corporate world, we would call it climbing the corporate ladder.

Ray: 02:00

And a lot of people when they get to be my age and older, they're kinda looking back over their life and they begin to want they begin to wonder, did I have that ladder actually leaned against the wrong wall? And then some of them have been climbing up this ladder and they stepped on and over people along the way. And what they they realize is that is that they've climbed up this corporate ladder and it's cost them. And a lot of times as they they get to this this top of this ladder and they look back over their career, they realize that what was that all about? It cost them a lot of times, it cost them their health, a lot of times it cost them friendships, and a lot of times, unfortunately, it cost them their family.

Ray: 02:43

Oh, they may have a big bag of money and they may have gotten to the top of the ladder, but, you know, if you look at a ladder, what are the steps on a ladder called? The steps on a ladder are called rungs. And the truth is we all have rungs and we all have wrongs in the ladders that we're climbing trying to get to where we wanna be. Now there's something I often say when I'm talking to executives and that's if you ever see a turtle, you know, here in Oklahoma, we live out in the prairie and we, it doesn't take us too long to get outside of Oklahoma City and we're out we're out in on red dirt roads, believe it or not. And if you're ever out in the country and you you see a turtle sitting on a post, Yes, it's possible.

Ray: 03:28

And yes, I've seen it. If you ever see a turtle setting on a post, what's the first thing you think? Well, if you're like me, how in the world did he get there? Well, I've got news for you. He didn't get there on his own.

Ray: 03:43

And what we have to realize is we're climbing this corporate ladder. As we're trying to climb the ladder to be successful, we need to realize and we need to realize that we didn't get there all on our own. And sometimes we've wronged people and there's been people who've wronged us. And then there's been other people who have who have stood in and have been rungs that we have utilized to get to where we are. They've helped us climb that ladder to get to where we are.

Ray: 04:09

Now have you ever noticed something about a ladder? If if you have a a, a step ladder and you set it up, if you look on the side of that step ladder, there's something on the side of that step ladder that I hope you've noticed. What does it say? It says, danger. Don't go there.

Ray: 04:27

But what do we do? We rush and do our best to get to the top. And what guys and gals that could that have been to the top can tell you, once you get there, there's only one place to go and there's and it's down from there. But the the truth is, it says danger. Don't go there.

Ray: 04:44

And what do we wanna do? We wanna go there. And what we learn is at the top of the ladder, the success ladder, this leader ladder that we're trying to climb, we end up finding and we and we look back and it and we realize that it's lonely. Some would even tell you it's lonely at the top. Who do you talk to?

Ray: 05:03

Who do you go to? And, you know, if if we've been wrong to people all the way up, then it's gonna be really lonely. But as we grow as leaders, one of the things we begin to realize is we wanna be the rungs in other people's life, and we wanna bring them up the ladder with us. And we may have to even actually step down and help them and raise them up as we go through life. Now I wanna tie in something else with this cheering that our parents and everyone else has done, as we're trying to get through life.

Ray: 05:33

One of the things that I have found is that whether your high school counselor asks you this, your mom and dad ask you this, one of the things that they ask you as you're going through the life is they say, what do you wanna be when you grow up? What do you wanna be in when you grow up? Now Simon Sinek wrote a great book. It's called Starts with Why, and I'm gonna share a little bit about what he shares as the golden circle. And the truth is if you and I were out at a an engagement, we were at a social gathering, and we were walking around, and we were getting to to know each other, this idea is further supported by the fact that within a matter of 2 or 3 minutes, what's one of the first few things that we'll say to each other?

Ray: 06:16

We'll say, hey, my name's Ray or you'll say your name's Bob or your name is Betty. And and the next thing we'll say is, what do you do? And I often challenge I often challenge professors and I challenge counselors and others. I say, why do we ask and why do we put so much emphasis on what we do? And the question is, has anybody ever stopped to ask why we do it?

Ray: 06:43

Why do you do it? If you ask most students why they do what they do or why they want to be in the major that the end that that they're in. What they will tell you, the reason why they're doing it is because they wanna do what? They wanna make a lot of money, but nobody's asking them why. If you wanna be a dentist, why do you wanna be a dentist?

Ray: 07:04

Well, maybe you love people's teeth and maybe you really do wanna help and that's genuine. My applause. Or an engineer or a doctor or a fireman, whatever. But the truth of the matter is if we were walking around and we're interacting, all too often we focus on the what and not the why. And I wanna propose to you that what we do what we do is the platform that we've been given.

Ray: 07:32

How we do it is based in our values. And we're gonna talk about this on another program, but how we do it is based on our values. You know, for example, do I do it with excellence? Do I do it with passion? Do I do it with perfection?

Ray: 07:46

What values do I have? What are my top five values? When I'm talking to people and I have an opportunity to talk to them about values, I'll ask them, what are your values? What are your spouse's values? What are your company's values?

Ray: 08:00

And it's interesting. Most people, they can't tell you. Now they'll they'll kinda give you some answer that they'll say face and they'll kinda give you a gut feeling. But for me, when I was asked this question initially, I kinda stumbled around too. And I I went through an exercise that I'll share with you eventually and make available to you.

Ray: 08:18

And it's it's really simple. Now I know what my values are. It's faith, family, fun, impact, and integrity. Those are my five values. They drive everything that I do.

Ray: 08:30

If you know me and and you're around me, you'll begin to see those manifest in my life. And much of my upbringing, much of the way that I was nurtured, the way that I've I've grown up are found in my values, the things that I value. I like to tell people if the house was on fire and you could only take 5 values with you, what are the 5 values that you would you would grab? And I've shared with you mine. What are yours?

Ray: 08:53

So what is your platform? How you do what you do is your values, and then why you do it is your purpose. So what is your purpose? Now we're getting into the nitty gritty. What is your purpose?

Ray: 09:11

How do you find your purpose? There's a lot of things that you can do to try to unpack what your unpack what your purpose is, but Rick Warren wrote a fantastic book. You haven't read it, you need to check it out. It's called A Purpose Driven Life. And one of the first things that Rick Warren points out in this book, and I totally agree with him is, and when he says when he says, your purpose is not about you.

Ray: 09:37

Well, I thought we were just talking about my purpose. Well, your purpose is related to a bigger purpose and I like to think of it this way. My purpose is in direct line with with with what god's purpose is. And now you're probably thinking, now what is that? I don't even know my purpose.

Ray: 09:57

Now you're asking me what god's purpose is? Well, I'd like to suggest to you this this this this this thought. One day, the one the the greatest leader to ever live, and I think that was Jesus. Say what you want to about his divinity, but I think he was the son of God. And I and I and I think that he was the greatest leader that that ever lived as well.

Ray: 10:17

And I I tend to live my life according to the principles and teaching of him, and the way he led people is the way I wanna lead people, and the way he lived his life is how I wanna live his life. And so there was a a a young man that came up to him one day and he said, hey, rabbi. I I think he was intrigued by Jesus just like I'm intrigued by Jesus, and he said, hey, I got a question for you. What is the greatest commandment? Now, if you're like me, you probably thought, 10 commandments.

Ray: 10:51

Got about a 10% chance of getting that right or, you know, what what does he think? Well, you know, the truth of the matter is this young man was asking this question because according to the Torah and, Jewish tradition and law, there aren't just 10 commandments. Are you ready for this? There's 6 113, 613 commandments. How in the world are we to keep those?

Ray: 11:16

And this young man comes to Jesus and he says, hey, I just I need to ask you. What are or what is the greatest commandment? I'd love Jesus' answer. And I think his answer gives us an indication of where our purpose is found. And here it is.

Ray: 11:32

He said, I'll sum it up like this. Love God, love others as you love yourself. Can we just stop right there? Can I just tell you, if if I would just start living my life according to that simple thought? Love God, love others as you love yourself.

Ray: 11:55

It would change my life and the life of those around me. You want to solve the world's problems today? Love god. Love others as you love yourself. You wanna get things right in congress, you wanna get things right in the Middle East, You wanna get things right with your neighbor or with your spouse or a sibling or a coworker?

Ray: 12:15

Start by focusing on love. You see, Jesus understood it was really simple. We try to overcomplicate it. So this pesky pill problem that we're talking about, I'm gonna sum it up like this. What if you laid your head on your pillows at night and you said tomorrow morning when I wake up, what I'm going to do is I'm just gonna find someone to love.

Ray: 12:43

You know, I have been a part of some major projects around the world. I used to work for an organization where we got watered over a 1000000 people. What a cool thing. And oftentimes, I would speak about the impact that we're having and and it was huge. But then I begin to thinking, you know, what does it mean for me to go out and try to do all of that if I walk past my kids on my way to work every morning?

Ray: 13:06

Or what if I walk right past my wife? 1 of my best friends and someone that was the greatest leader that I ever served under once told me, he said, I never want this career, this job, this organization to be the reason that you end up splitting up with your wife. He said if you're ever late for work, I'm just gonna assume that you needed another 10 or 15 minutes over a bowl of cereal with one of your kids. Or maybe you needed to wrap things up with your wife or maybe you and your wife needed to work through an issue. And he realized that I had the potential to not only love the world, but love those right under my own roof.

Ray: 13:46

And if I had peace at home, then I would probably be a better employee by having peace at work. And that 10 to 15 minutes that I had at home that that made me late for work made me a better employee. Now do you think I ever took advantage of him because of that? No way. No way.

Ray: 14:04

What a privilege to know that somebody would give me that that opportunity. But, you know, we we think about changing the world. We try to do all these grand grandiose things, but we sometimes forget that the opportunity for our purpose, our why, to make a difference, might be under our own roof, might be right in front of us. And I like to call this the find the one challenge. So this is kind of how I wanna wrap up this episode.

Ray: 14:30

The find the one on our first episode, how about that? Find the one. Tomorrow morning when you wake up, what I want you to do is as you go about your day, I want you to be asking yourself, who can I help? Who can I love? And who can I encourage?

Ray: 14:46

You see, I think this wraps up the essence of what Jesus was saying when he said, love God, love others as you love yourself. Now, there's something about that that challenge, that principle that we often overlook. And it's as you love yourself. Don't forget in this process to take care of you. It's important for you to take care of you and to love yourself and to recognize that god loves you, others love you, and you and that you have value.

Ray: 15:12

And once you realize that you are loved and you have value, you know, the problem is you can't give what you don't have. If you don't love yourself and recognize how much you are loved, then it's gonna be hard for you to love others. The old saying, hurt people hurt people. Well, a lot of times we're so hurt we just don't have the capacity to love and we just hurt other people. But let's just- let's just assume and let's begin to realize that if we love ourselves, we're in a position to love others.

Ray: 15:38

And there's another passage that says if if you go about your platform, no matter what you're doing and no matter what you do, if you're a doctor, you're a fireman, you're a nurse, you're a stay at home mom, you're an executive, you're a business owner, an entrepreneur, you're a pastor, you're a minister, you know, you're a rabbi, you know, whatever you are. If you do what you do, but you don't love, then you've you've missed the point. And here's the thing that's amazing. There's a lot of organizations that have figured out when they take care of their customers, when they take care of their employees, when they take care of their people, great things start to happen. It's not a soft strategy.

Ray: 16:16

It's a hard strategy. When you begin to love on people, great things begin to work. Joel Mandy wrote a great book called you gotta check it out as well. I'm, giving you a couple of great resources here today, and that is a book called Love Works by Joel Mandy. If you've ever heard of a place called Branson, you'll you'll know who he is.

Ray: 16:34

He's done a lot of great things. So 2 great books so far, one by Rick Warren, A Purpose Driven Life, and another one by Joel Mambi called Love Works. So now back to you. One of the things I want you to do is I want you to wake up tomorrow morning, I want you to get out of bed, I want you to ask yourself who's the one. I'm gonna go find the one.

Ray: 16:55

Ray gave me this find the one challenge and I'm gonna go see if I can find the one today, the one to help, to love, or encourage. Now don't miss the guy at the convenience store. Don't miss the the person at at the, the door at the office. Don't miss the receptionist. Don't miss your wife or your kids.

Ray: 17:15

And what you're gonna find is you won't just find 1. But here's the cool thing. Can you imagine that if all of us would wake up every day just asking ourselves, who's the one? How do I find the one? And when we lay our head on our pillow, at the end of the day, no matter what we've done, if it's been a hard day at work or we're really tired of the type of job we had or have, if we know that there was somebody, somebody, maybe it was a smile, maybe it was a pat on the back, maybe it was a, a cup of coffee, It was so easy to do.

Ray: 17:50

As we began to do that, you know, if we would do that every day, that would be 365 points of impact in just 1 year. Wow. I don't think we'd have a pesky pro a pillow problem anymore if we would just simply find the one. Well, I hope that challenges you. I call that the find the one challenge and I hope that you will, give it some thought and consider whether or not it's something that you wanna do.

Ray: 18:19

It's a lifestyle thing. Find the one. Learn to love God, love others as you love yourself.