Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Most of the powerful, unguarded conversations we have as practitioners happen behind the scenes. This podcast was created to bring those conversations forward. It’s a space for real talk about client work, presence, creating powerful containers for waking others up, embodied change, and the ways we continue to grow and meet our edges as we guide others.
00;00;04;12 - 00;00;31;25
Unknown
Welcome to Inside the Practitioner's Path. I'm Aila Coats, and I'm Barb Patterson. This is a private space for those doing this work and those feeling called to it, who want to live what they teach and explore. The real behind the scenes happenings about our work, ourselves, and the edges we meet along the way. It's unfiltered and unedited, just like us talking about how this work shapes us right alongside our clients.
00;00;32;02 - 00;00;58;05
Unknown
We share what moves us, what makes us laugh, and what we're still figuring out. This is about presence, practice, and community. The ongoing work of being human while helping other humans. Well, welcome inside. I think I'm taking too long. Welcome. Should be like that. Okay. Welcome, welcome. Oh. It's impossible. Hey, everybody. Welcome. We're just so glad you're here.
00;00;58;06 - 00;01;11;12
Unknown
I love anything you want to add to that. Welcome inside.
00;01;11;15 - 00;01;38;27
Unknown
Hi, everybody. Welcome to Inside the Practitioner's Path. We're really glad to have you here. I'm Barb Patterson, and I'm. I like coats. Okay. I just want to dive right in. So I'm going to ask you when you're in a session with somebody. What informs where you go, what you say, where you point what you do is such a good question.
00;01;38;27 - 00;02;13;22
Unknown
And it is so big. But when you ask it, what I really get and I see is that it's evolved so much for me over the years. Having gone through, years of trainings in different ways, there's so many different, processes that I've learned and philosophies and there's all these, there's these different, methods and formulas for how to be with the person.
00;02;13;24 - 00;02;35;10
Unknown
And I say that it's it's evolved over the years, but in reality, I actually, as I'm saying it, I'm on my own path here. I'm saying it, I'm seeing it coming to life right now. It's probably always been the same that when I what, what I'm trying to do when I'm talking to a person is get quiet inside.
00;02;35;12 - 00;03;08;15
Unknown
So even as I reflect back on doing this work professionally for the last 15 years, I'm aware that it's probably always been whatever really occurred to me in the moment, even with all that kind of training now, as I am now, I do my best to forget everything that I've ever learned and all my good ideas and my only intention.
00;03;08;15 - 00;03;34;28
Unknown
My clearest intention is to be present and have. I have the hope that I can be helpful. And that's really what I start with and keep returning to throughout a session. Over and over is just deep, deeper and deeper listening. And I'm listening to my client, but I'm also listening to my own intuition and my my inner guidance, my wisdom.
00;03;35;01 - 00;03;55;17
Unknown
And if my head gets involved and I'm late starting to chit chat or kind of get ahead of myself, that's guidance right away for me to just come back to the present moment. So I'll start there. Like that's really what's informing the work is how quiet can I get inside and how deeply can I listen? And then I don't know.
00;03;55;17 - 00;04;30;02
Unknown
Then we go on a magic carpet ride together like, well, what about you? Yeah. It's not. It's similar. I, you know, I used to think, like, I had a lot of helpful ideas about questions to ask and fill in the gap. You know, the clients that, they want to get to be. I got to fill in, you know, like I used to have well intentioned and a lot of ideas about what was required in a session to be helpful.
00;04;30;04 - 00;05;17;19
Unknown
And, you know, so my mind, you know, I had the toolkit filled with processes and questions and all of that and tools and, and I always brought, I think, fairly good listening and an intuition and it's kind of a good read of people and, and enjoyment of people and being able to listen. But when you said about kind of the level of internal noise, that was a radically new awareness for me, that all my good ideas and trying to think ahead and looking to intervene and looking for the problem that, while well intentioned, did create a level of internal noise.
00;05;17;21 - 00;05;43;29
Unknown
Now it was a noise I was comfortable with. That was a noise that felt like part of part of what happens. But when I really started to see a what if, I could drop out of all my ideas of what it takes and just drop into presence, like just get connected and listen from a more spacious place? And I would still get like initial reads and thoughts.
00;05;43;29 - 00;06;06;09
Unknown
But I also got curious, like, what if I didn't go with my first thing? And I just stayed listening and it would be more like, well, what else would I hear? And so I just, you know, got more and more comfortable with the spaciousness and the curiosity and asking questions going deeper, not just their first answer.
00;06;06;09 - 00;06;28;10
Unknown
And then I think I, you know, I'm a good read. I know what they mean. And I, you know, jump in. It's like, oh, let's let's stretch that out. Let's what do what does it look like inside of them? What do they mean when they say it's hard? You know, I, I just last week I was working with a group and one of the women talked about a lot of projects that she had.
00;06;28;10 - 00;07;10;09
Unknown
And she's like, it was really stressful. Well, that's the one. You could go, yeah, that makes sense while it's stressful. But what happened was I asked her, I said, now this may sound like a stupid question, but I want to know how it looks inside of you. And can you tell me why that was stressful? And then, of course, what we got to were some of the deeper things that drive her around wanting to do a good job, wanting to be perceived well, and in that, you know, that level of listening and not rushing to conclusion, not getting my mind involved too soon led to a a deeper.
00;07;10;09 - 00;07;52;09
Unknown
It's like we get to the heart of the matter almost, you know. So yeah. So I think for sure it's like a slowing down, a presence of curiosity and trusting, trusting that that will, that creates like things start to emerge naturally. Like in I get awarenesses I get, you know, and so that piece, taking the having to do coaching, having to do helpful, having to offer the equation, it's been it's created a level of intimacy and depth and connection and insight in my work.
00;07;52;11 - 00;08;23;12
Unknown
You know, that I, I really love oh lovely. There's one other thing that came to mind as you were talking. Can I share it? Yeah, please. Yeah, yeah, I always I was right, I was waiting. I think the other place I really come from that, that has only become visible to me through my own relationship with myself and my own healing work is I.
00;08;23;15 - 00;09;00;24
Unknown
I know that even in the hardest times in my life and the deepest grief, the most painful moments, I know that I've gone through those experiences with this intention for, just remembering who I really am. Remembering what? What I can create from a big mess in my life, remembering that I'm resourceful, that I have choices, that even if I feel like things are falling apart, it's just kind of a trick of the mind.
00;09;00;26 - 00;09;25;26
Unknown
Yeah. Through my own experience with waking up to my own wholeness, I'm on to myself when I say I think I have a big problem or things are falling apart. I know I'm kind of full of it. It still looks totally real at times, and I go and I get help to be reminded that I'm okay and I receive coaching.
00;09;25;26 - 00;09;51;24
Unknown
I receive a lot of support when I forget, but I really see whenever I'm I'm about to have a session with a client, it occurs to me that this person in front of me is whole and complete and perfect as they are. Nothing is wrong, lost, forsaken like they are they. If whatever we talk about today, it's it.
00;09;51;24 - 00;10;15;22
Unknown
It's precious and it matters to them. Just like it would matter to me if I were going through a really hard moment or something tricky in my business, or whatever it might be. When I'm looking at them. It's it's like there's no rush because there's no real. So this is going to sound so weird as a practitioner, but it's like there's no real problem to solve.
00;10;15;25 - 00;10;50;08
Unknown
They, they have the client in front of me, has the answers, has the wisdom, has the the ability to remember their wholeness, to see their resources, their inner resources. So it's it's like the slower I can go, the more questions I can ask, the more intimate I can get with them. I think this is where I'm coming from, this intention to help them slow down so they can feel their own okay ness.
00;10;50;10 - 00;11;11;09
Unknown
Even if it hurts a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, that's it's like give to move through and be with emotions or scary thoughts or whatever it might be. It's, it's I've felt this so many times. It's just a round trip we're going to take. You're already whole. You forgot. We're going to come back to wholeness, to the awareness of it.
00;11;11;11 - 00;11;48;27
Unknown
And that takes for me it takes so much pressure off because there is no where they need to get to. Right? It's just like a returning home. And that's that's what I'm up to. Well, you know, it's what I hear in that story too, is I think what informs our work and I and, you know, you and I and people listening may relate is any place that I've had, realization that has become kind of embodied or a truth that me that informs.
00;11;48;27 - 00;12;16;20
Unknown
So I'm wondering, Yes, absolutely. It's, you know, and so I love when you were sharing that, it made me think of the, message you left me a few months ago. Now, about, Rowan and that. And I'm wondering, like, if you would share that piece, the realization you had after you lost or lost or. Yeah.
00;12;16;20 - 00;12;53;18
Unknown
So I had a baby passed away. Just after birth, 2013. And it was totally unexpected and totally devastating and just really, just a complete shock on every level. And my husband, we were already looking at awakening and growing consciously. And so we were do we were on this path of healing and, and just thankfully, for years prior to that.
00;12;53;21 - 00;13;20;20
Unknown
So right away it's like we took that into the into our own inner healing sanctuaries. And through that year, and I feel like it's the greatest gift that I've a it's like the she gave me the biggest gift I could have received in I mean, just to have gone through that experience and to feel like this is the worst thing I could imagine.
00;13;20;23 - 00;13;43;20
Unknown
I'm sure there are other things I could think of, but that at that time, it was like everything I had wanted in my life since I was eight years old. I just want a baby doll. I want I could take her, leave a husband. I just want a baby and, and to have her passed away and go through the pain of that and to come through it.
00;13;43;22 - 00;14;23;12
Unknown
And I received so much support and I had a good I had a nice inner practice of reflection during that time. But to come through it and just to know, to know, to have the feeling and I still feel it all the time, that there's nothing that could break me and and meaning there's nothing that could take the feeling of love away from me, or the feeling of, like the feeling of hope, optimism, joy, contentment, all of these essential qualities that are a part of who we are.
00;14;23;15 - 00;15;01;08
Unknown
There is nothing here that can happen. And I, I've actually had a lot of death in my life, kind of before. And after her as well. And just that, that knowing that. Whoa. Like, we are so resilient. It's not just me. It's all of us. And it totally informs my coaching all the time, especially. This is kind of a weird one, but not really, but especially when it comes to teenagers and them saying things like, I have a crush on this guy, and I just don't know if I should tell him or not.
00;15;01;08 - 00;15;32;02
Unknown
And I'm always just like, go do it. You might get disappointed, you might fall in love, you might get your heart broken. All of it is fantastic. It's just all part of being a totally engaged with life human. And you'll no matter what, you'll have an adventure. And if it goes totally south, you'll get to know that you're not breakable, that there's a resiliency built into us, that it's in all of us.
00;15;32;05 - 00;16;02;13
Unknown
Yeah. Well, and I think, you know, there is the belief in something. And then there's the knowing. Yes. And that experience, obviously, there was no hiding anywhere. Like, you know, there was nothing to do but then to recognize, like you said, like to observe, like the pain. And then, you know, like you said, the love, all of it.
00;16;02;13 - 00;16;27;14
Unknown
And, you know, and everything in between, I think and then, it's just there's a way now you can hold space for those teens or adults going through something that's like, oh, yeah, they don't know they're okay. No matter what. But, you know, yeah, okay. No matter what. Not just in theory, but like in your bones. And I think it's just such a great example of there are things I share that I believe.
00;16;27;14 - 00;16;55;06
Unknown
I'm not saying you can't do that, but when we, when I what I'm also being informed by it in the session are the things that feel just like in my own, my own truth. And I know one of the things for me is I just really believed I had to manage myself. That part of to have a good life, to get what I, my hopes and dreams.
00;16;55;06 - 00;17;12;22
Unknown
I had to manage my personality. I had to manage my behavior. I had to manage my growth. I had to manage other people's perception and, you know, and I always kind of laugh because, I thought I was pretty good at it, and I was I had, you know, optimistic attitude, you know, I was into it. I was into it.
00;17;12;24 - 00;17;45;14
Unknown
I didn't dredge it. Yeah. But I once I started to realize how active I was and how much pressure I was living and because of that. But it wasn't until, you know, I was I was willing to could I let that go. Could I let the striver, the pusher, the, belief that it's all up to me like that identity and what I believed made me successful in my career, and that required that was that has created pain.
00;17;45;20 - 00;18;16;06
Unknown
You know, it's created fear and self-doubt and questioning. But ultimately, by letting that go, it has shown me, wow, like, we're pretty amazing. Like we're designed to evolve. I'm growing whether I manage it or not. You know, whether I, I'm I'm having insights, whether I'm, you know, consuming everything out there or not. Right. And I'm, I'm designed to, like, get in over my head.
00;18;16;09 - 00;18;51;26
Unknown
I don't have to manage everything and try and control the variables. But, you know, that's one that continues to show me more and more like, I feel like I, I see something and then I'll see a little bit of a layer of it. So yeah. But yeah, letting it go is has created letting some of that internal space has allowed me to have a richer quality of life and to not feel so vigilant inside myself when I'm guessing it's supported you and serving so many people.
00;18;51;26 - 00;19;20;09
Unknown
Because as you're talking, I'm just like, who doesn't do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what a relief it would be to even let go of a little bit of that. Yeah, yeah. Where do you even know that? That's on offer. Yeah. Like that I had no sorry. I had no idea what was the name like that we have, we have these innate capacities for creativity and resilience and problem solving and evolution.
00;19;20;09 - 00;19;48;16
Unknown
And you know, like to me that all look like something I, I did so to really see. No, no, it's a part of the makeup. Like, you know, I can count on it. It's there. That was what ultimately was like, oh, I can take my hand off the steering wheel a little bit, you know, and you're right. It's like so many people who are into creating something, whether it's a life, a goal or whatever.
00;19;48;18 - 00;20;23;23
Unknown
Yeah. That line of what, what do I need to be doing and controlling and pushing versus who can I trust in something greater? Has been huge. Yeah I love that. Is there anything else that you know just before we end that comes to mind for you when we think about what informs your work when you're one on one with somebody, when you're working with someone, you know, what the, the other thing and actually I think there's probably like 50,000 now I know.
00;20;23;25 - 00;20;45;14
Unknown
Yeah. But yeah, I'll say right now the other thing that really does is the other person like the at work came forward was like, I think of it like a partnership. Yeah. That's all. And this has evolved for me big time over the years. We're at in the beginning of my career and truly I say 15 years professionally, making a living for 15 years.
00;20;45;14 - 00;21;13;26
Unknown
But I have been I had my very first client in 2005 and it was, it just like such a disaster. This is, this that I had set up to do, like a visualization meditation with her, and she showed up, like, with a plate of spaghetti and like a park, and, and I had no idea what to do, but if I had partnered with her and and, been present with her.
00;21;13;26 - 00;21;54;24
Unknown
But what? How I really thought I needed to be was the the, dictator or the guide or the person that knows what to do. And it's been such a wonderful, like dropping away of that whole idea and really appreciating the partnership. And then the third space that gets created that I love acknowledging that it's like there's what I'm bringing and what they're bringing, and then the space that we create and really the space that I, I also hold as the practitioner, the container for all of it.
00;21;54;26 - 00;22;21;14
Unknown
Yeah. But I love the partnering and, and really letting my client really if there's a, if there's somebody leaving it to them. Yeah. And this is like, I don't know, I never even, I never saw that coming that that would really make sense to me. And I can just I can feel how, how much more impact I have because of that shift.
00;22;21;16 - 00;22;52;29
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. And and not leading in the way that it. I don't know that I might sound where there, there. Telling me all about their stories and I'm agreeing with everything and letting them talk for 45 minutes without any interventions or conversation. But I'm listening deeply on all the levels to what they're bringing forward and letting that lead, letting that inform where we go next.
00;22;53;02 - 00;23;24;04
Unknown
Yeah. And what I'm seeing that that might support them, what questions I might ask or, you know, how I might hold for them. Yeah, I, I'll just echo on that. And because, like you, I'm sure we can keep going, but I think it's a great one. And it's true. I think when I shared earlier about the kind of ideas you think you have and somehow it's the idea that, I have to bring the, answer.
00;23;24;06 - 00;23;53;06
Unknown
Yeah. Or the magic or any of that. And you're right, there's something to really see in the organic connection and in the moment that is really powerful and rich with ideas, rich with understanding. And if you can listen from that place and for that in that it's kind of it is magical to see where the conversation would go.
00;23;53;09 - 00;24;08;21
Unknown
thank you so much for listening. It's been a total joy. Send us your questions, your thoughts, your reflections, and we'll do our best to answer them and respond and reflect on our next episode.
00;24;08;23 - 00;24;31;27
Unknown
Thank you for listening and engaging. We're so glad you're here. If you have a question or something you'd love us to explore on a future episode, we'd love to hear from you! Email us at Inside the Practitioner's Path at gmail.com. We also host free experiences and deeper programs throughout the year. You can find what's coming up at Barbara patterson.com and Iowa codes.com.
00;24;32;03 - 00;24;38;04
Unknown
Let us know what's resonating, what's opening up and what you're seeing in your own work. Until next time.