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Stephen is joined by Sacher Dawson, the executive director of Hope Farm in Fort Worth, TX today. They discuss what discipline looks like in the mentoring relationship, the importance of consistency across the board in the mentee's life, and how to start implementing that into your own mentor relationship.
Show Notes
Reach out to Hope Farm:
www.hopefarmfw.org
(817) 926-9116
www.hopefarmfw.org
(817) 926-9116
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What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
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You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Today's episode is an interview with Satcher Dawson, the executive director of Hope Farm in the Dallas Fort Worth area, and he unpacks a vision for discipline in the mentor relationship. We hope today's episode gives you or your organization value. And if it does, we'd love to hear about it. Leave a review, rate the podcast, share this episode with someone you think would benefit from the content. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven, and I'm here with a very special guest, mister mister Satcher Dawson. He is the executive director of Hope Farm. Hope Farm is a leadership program in Fort Worth that guides at risk boys to become Christ centered men of integrity. Mister Satcher, how are you doing this morning?
Speaker 3:I'm wonderful, Steve, and thanks for asking. How are you?
Speaker 2:Hey. I'm so good. Got my coffee in front of me, and I I'm just excited for this interview. I I met you last week. We came to y'all's program, got to check out all all of your facilities, and meet some of your staff, and I am excited for today's episode.
Speaker 2:I feel like you're the guy to talk to, so thank you for making time for this.
Speaker 3:You're welcome, and I and I look forward to it as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, today's episode is gonna be all about discipline. What are the rhythms of discipline that boys need most? And I I feel like mentoring programs are designed in a way to give kids a framework for what discipline looks like and and and kinda have to say the hard thing, but then also give give them a framework for their adult life to walk in. And so I I'm I'm excited to learn from you today, but real quick, could you just explain Hope Farm to our listeners so they can understand where you're coming from?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Sure. Absolutely. As you stated before, Hope Farm is a leadership development after school program for fatherless boys. And, and our goal is to turn our young men into Christ centered leaders.
Speaker 3:And the way we do that, we do it via a a 4 pronged approach, what we call the the read, feed, parent, and empower approach. And so childhood literacy is a big part of what we do, understanding that, you know, in order to be able to function in life, you know, reading and literacy is is key. I mean, that's fundamental. So we focus on that very much. And then in order for our boys to get maximum production, you know, they have to have nutritious meal and be properly hydrated.
Speaker 3:So feeding is a a big part of of that as well, and we make sure that none of our boys go home hungry each afternoon. And then the parent piece of it, you know, a vital part of of discipline and education is parent engagement. And so when our boys sign up in our program, they don't just sign up. The parents have to sign up as well, and that's called the Moms Re Scores program. And so, initially, they go through a 4 week orientation process called Parent University, and it's really broken down into 4 parts, so that we really truly get a chance to understand and engage with the moms.
Speaker 3:We kinda lay out what their, whole farm expectations are, what our expectations are for the moms. We, you know, give them some parenting tips. We figure out kinda what they need and so that we're able to stand into in the gap for them as well because discipline and education is holistic. It's a family event. And so and that's what has enabled the boys to stay in our program as long as they have because the message don't get lost when he gets at home.
Speaker 3:The parents carry it out as well. And then we talk when we talk about empowerment, we wanna make sure that when the men leave our program, that they're empowered with the tools to make sure they are successful and have a chance in the world. And so and, really, you know, that's what Hope Farm is all about in a nutshell. We bring boys in. Our sweet spot from an intake standpoint is is generally kindergarten through 3rd.
Speaker 3:We will take older boys on a case by case basis, but we would rather bring them in younger. It's so much easier to prepare a young man than to repair. So Whoo. But we can but we continue to keep them all the way through high school and on into college. Many times during the summer, you'll see a lot of our college students come back and working on the yards and the gym, you know, just coming to to give back and help mentor some of the young men as well.
Speaker 3:So it's a great program. Very proud of our staff. We have an outstanding staff, a tremendous staff that generally wears 2 to 3 hats in order to get it done. We have 3 campuses now. We have 2 in the Fort Worth area and one in the Dallas area.
Speaker 3:And so there's a lot of continuity between all three campuses, so it takes a lot of work and a lot of coordination in order to make that happen.
Speaker 2:I love it, and I I loved walking into y'all's lobby and seeing pictures of the boys who've graduated from your program and just seeing seeing the life change, just in in those pictures of knowing these guys have been prepared for the journey into manhood, and and so love what you guys are doing, and I think y'all's approach has influenced a lot of the programs that we run here in Dallas. So thank you for for what you guys are doing paving the way for other orgs. You you had mentioned that discipline is is is a holistic approach, like, that it includes the family. It includes every aspect of a child's life. And so maybe we'll just jump in there and ask you to kinda break down your definition of discipline and and how that plays out day to day at Hope Farm.
Speaker 3:Okay. Yeah. Well, thank you, Steven. Yeah. So, you know, discipline for Hope Farm means that, you know, our boys are mindful and respectful, and they do it, you know, with a with a loving posture.
Speaker 3:You know? Not just do it, but do it lovingly. As I stated before, our goal is to transform the young man from the inside out. So every day, you know, we have bible study, and so we they are introduced to the word each and every day. And so, you know, we talk about Christ.
Speaker 3:You know? Discipline is all about being Christ like. How would Christ act in that situation? And, also, not only here at Hope Farm, but we have a communication line set up that we want that discipline to carry over at home and at school. And so discipline for us means that being in control of yourself at all time and being respectful and being Christ like.
Speaker 2:That's really good. Being being in control of yourself, and I'm sure that's probably something that's not, consistent for kids to feel like that's an expectation. It's like that I would control myself. And so, I mean, how how do you guys create an environment where kids learn to to do that?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. And that's a very good question, Steven. So what we we display, we want our boys to display the 16 social skills at all time. And so we will and we'll be happy to share, you know, that with you after the show, if you like.
Speaker 3:You know, it's it's it's being respectful. You know, it's when I tell you to do something, listen closely. Right? Get the instructions, and then respond, and then come back to me. You know, the staple of the Hope Farm Boy is that when you first meet someone, you give you look them straight in the eyes, you give them a firm handshake, and in the right tone of voice, you introduce them to yourself, give them your name, and then you ask them, how can I help you or please to meet you, sir or please to meet you, ma'am?
Speaker 3:Everything is always no, ma'am, no, sir, and, you know, and it's it's always in a pleasing and appropriate voice.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well and I I wonder how much that you you mentioned k through 3 is kinda your your main sticking point. You said you you would rather prepare a kid for his future than repair a kid for his future. I I think that's probably the clearest, most simple way to say it, but do you have older kids that join your program and that discipline strategy becomes a lot more difficult, I'd imagine?
Speaker 3:It does. We do have older boys to join our program, and it's on a case by case basis. And so now we've even instituted to the point where, you know, we want them to even tell us or write in a quick paper on why you wanna join Hope Farm and what you intend to get out of the program. You know? Because now they have to have some skin in the game because we know the older the boys are, the harder their habits to break are.
Speaker 3:And so, also, secondly, we have had intentionally went out and hired people that are geared toward middle school, high school boys so that, you know, they get a chance to go to the schools, maybe have lunch with them, have coffee with them in in the afternoon. So and secondly, now we're in the process of building out a vocational center so that, you know, now even if a young man come in at a older age, we have something that we can introduce them to that can be life changing for them. Because if they can come in and learn a trade and get certified by the time they graduate from high school, we made a a a tremendous difference in that young man's life and and and perhaps change the trajectory of his career as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. And I I I feel like for us, as far as our organization, we're we're mostly saying, hey, we wanna serve you. Will you please join our program?
Speaker 2:And you're kinda saying, like, hey, what what do you want to receive from our program? Tell us why you think you would be good a good fit. I think that that's a that's a subtle change, but I I think in a way, it promotes that responsibility. It promotes that discipline of, like, hey. This this program isn't for everybody.
Speaker 3:Yes. That's correct. And and the main thing is is that we want they're old enough that we can get buy in from them. You know? We don't have to get buy in from their parents.
Speaker 3:When they're coming in at this age, we want buy in from you. And so whenever things get tough, we can always revert back to what this is what you told us you want. You know? This is what you wanna get out of the program. And so our goal is to help you reach your goal.
Speaker 3:So that has been, you know, helpful from time to time whenever we have to revert back.
Speaker 2:So for for the younger kids, there are probably some established goals, which you you kinda said, the 16 social skills, which yeah, I'd love for you to share, those with us either now or later. But but for the the older kids, you're allowing them to establish a game plan or a goal for them being a part of your program. And if there's alignment, you're like, yes. Come on. We're gonna make that happen.
Speaker 2:But are those 16 social skills something you focus on the older kids as well?
Speaker 3:We do. Hopefully, by the time they become older, if they started out in our program as a youngster well, by the time they get middle school, high school, we hope they have mastered those by by that time. If not, then we have to work on the older kids and and and kinda work backwards in order to get some of those skills with them. You know, our program now, we try to break it up into 3 parts, Steven. As I said, kindergarten through 5th is really our elementary kids.
Speaker 3:And so, you know, the focus there is childhood literacy, discipline, and laying the Hope Farm Foundation. And then when I get to middle school from 6th to 8th grade, we try to hone in on developing their leadership core development skills, such as public speaking, you know, how to write critical thinking. Even we'll even get to financial literacy at at some point. And then those are the critical times when we try to figure out if they're on a collegiate path or they're on a vocational path. Because we know not all young men wanna go to college or are gonna go to college.
Speaker 3:Right? But we need a viable option for those who don't. And so in the summer of 8th grade, we generally have them to go and get career assessment tested. And that kinda gives us an idea kinda what their focal point is, you know, what they're geared toward. And and then we as they get into the high school or 9th to 12th grade, then we try to build a a internship around them based on what they like and what their skill set is.
Speaker 3:And, hopefully, we have, you know, some members in our donor base, some friends or relative that can kinda give them some hands on intern skill, you know, prior to entering the workforce. And then and even if they go to college, right, if they learn a skill, you can use that skill, you know, to perhaps help put you through college. And then once you get into a company, a lot of times, you know, a company will invest in you, you know, to get higher education or, you know, or or get a degree if if that's the way you wanna pursue it. So there's there's so many opportunities now, and and we have to look at it holistically. You know?
Speaker 3:Yeah. They're in the kindergarten now, but before you know it, they're gonna be in high school, and and how do we lay those tracks along the way to ensure that they're on a good path?
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's really good. And I I mean, I don't usually think about this very much. I have a 6 month old at home, so that that tells you a little bit about me when it comes to being a parent. I don't have much experience, but kinda what you're saying is that with the younger kids, obedience is key.
Speaker 2:Listening is key. Teaching them the skills they need to understand what you're asking of them. And then as they get older, you move more into the leadership of speaking, of of not just obeying, but but speaking and being clear themselves, and then Right. As they develop more, then it's what skills do I need to interact with other people, with my boss, with people below me, and what skills do I need to excel? And I think that that simplicity is really helpful for me.
Speaker 2:So may maybe a a program that's looking for, okay, how do we create discipline? Okay. We gotta teach these kids how to listen. We gotta we gotta help them obey, and and even just the thought that came into my mind was that obedience can never happen without leadership. You you can't obey unless you're being told to do something, and and and maybe a a form of challenge for people who are facing obedience issues is how are you providing leadership?
Speaker 2:And so I I think our our podcast is about mentor relationships, but where our programs have after school programs and staff that are investing in our kids. And so I wonder if you could kind of frame this back into a mentor relationship. What should a mentor be focusing on if he's mentoring a kid in that k through 5th grade kinda kinda environment? What what are his keys that he needs to be thinking about when it comes to developing discipline in the life of the kid he's mentoring?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So the word mentorship in a in a nutshell, Steven, is relationship. Right? So, you know, the first thing a mentor has to do is develop a relationship with that with that kid. And and then by developing that relationship, he'll gain respect and and and and trust.
Speaker 3:And so once he gained the respect and the trust, it's so much easier to lead the young man. And so and the best way for them to lead is to be a good model themselves. And so our whole goal at Hope Farm is that our, we have mentors for our younger kids, then our younger kids grow up to be older kids, and they become mentors for the younger kids. Right? So you have disciples creating disciples from that standpoint.
Speaker 3:And and if we get it right, then then we know that's what's happening in in our program. But mentorship, you cannot have mentorship without relationship.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah. And so let's let's say I've built relationship with my kid and, well, I'll make this really real. In our in our program a few days ago, one of our kids was upset with someone they've built relationship with and cursed at an adult, and the adult was in this place of, like, how do I respond in this situation with a room full of people? How would you recommend that mentor respond in that situation?
Speaker 2:Which obviously, I mean, I I don't know if that happens in your program. That happens in our program every once in a while, and and some of that may be a a failure in leadership on our end. But, yeah, how how would you encourage a mentor to respond?
Speaker 3:Yeah. No. And and and I think that has happened, you know, once or twice almost at every organization. And and and the way you have to respond, it has to be immediate. But what we do is we we we would, recommend that mentor to take himself out of that public view at that particular time and and and pull the young man aside and and help instruct at that particular time.
Speaker 3:It has to be immediate. And then what we try to figure out is what caused that. Right? Were you angry? Okay.
Speaker 3:What what caused that anger? Right? And how do we deal with that anger going forward? And and then you you you always you have an opportunity to incorporate Christ into the conversation. Right?
Speaker 3:And and you're saying, you know, how would Christ would want you to act in that situation? And then once we get that young man straightened out, and then the next move for him would be to come back in that setting and apologize and move forward. And we call that a redirect. Right? And so after we redirect him, then the next step in that is to apologize for what he did, maybe a a quick reasoning why he did it, and what am I gonna do going forward to avoid it.
Speaker 2:And did you say that that redirect apology happens in the room where it happened or separately just with the mentor?
Speaker 3:No. He you know, first of all, when it first happened, the mentor may take them out of the the public setting and behind closed door and and kinda help him understand what he did and get him calmed down and redirected. And then once he gets redirected, now he needs to come back and apologize to the person that he just said, you know, profane language to or or disrespect it in in whatever manner. And then then he needs to make it right with that person if the opportunity presents itself. Right?
Speaker 3:And then yeah, and then in front of everyone, he needs to tell them what he did, why he did it, and, you know, how can, what I will do in the future to prevent that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's really powerful. And, I think for the most part, our program has that situation happening in isolation. It's not something that you're held to account within a community of saying, hey, this is why I did this, and this is what I'm gonna do to change and make it right. That apology is usually happening outside the room, but I I I'm intrigued by by the the fact that in that moment, it may be best for the child to own it in front of others and and learn from that learn from that experience, and so, I mean, I I love that.
Speaker 2:Immediate. You said immediate, and so maybe you can share, I don't know, just why that's important because sometimes I feel like we just put it off, and and, well, if it happened this once, I'll just let it go, but then I'll address it next time it happens. I feel like that happens all the time.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It needs to be immediate, Steven, because the young man needs to know understand what they did at that particular time, why it's fresh on their mind, and and how it happened in the moment. And, also, you know, it it doesn't give them a chance to manufacture excuses and and and responses. You know, everything is right there cognitively. Right?
Speaker 3:It's fresh. This is why it happened. This is and and so when you know when it's it's it's reactionary, we can correct it. Right? If if, you know, 24 hours later or a couple days later, I may or may not remember what I did, what I said, or why I did it.
Speaker 3:Right? And and even if I did, I've had a chance to concoct my story and make it more favorable So that's the answer.
Speaker 2:And that's adults do that too. Like, that's not just kids.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, kids learn from adults. Right? Pretty much 98% of what they get is learned. It's it's a it's learned behavior.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Yeah. So may maybe you could go into some more detail. What what keeps us what keeps mentors from disciplining their mentee? Are there any any specific things that that come to mind?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, you know, a lot of the mentors have are reluctant to discipline their mentee mainly because one thing, they wanna be liked. Right? And so sometimes when you have to confront your mentee, you know, you get the feeling that now, oh, I don't I don't made them mad. They're not gonna like me now.
Speaker 3:You know, it's things are not gonna be favorable. And then and and and another instance is that, a lot of mentors, they may not know how to handle it. You know, that that could be their first opportunity to to to mentor someone, and they they may not have, you know, the skill or the confidence to do it. So a lot of times, you know, within our group, you know, they will spend 60 to 90 days with a program director, you know, learning what to do and watching them in action before they would ever get the chance to really be able to fully have a group pretty much to themselves. And so going through that process, you know, most of the program director, assistant program director have seen it all.
Speaker 3:They've seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and the upside down. And so and they try to walk through a lot of that in the in the training process when when someone new comes aboard. We use a lot we utilize a lot of interns as well. And I guarantee you, you come to our campus after training. It'll be very difficult to tell our interns from our regular employees because we spend the time with, here's what you need to do.
Speaker 3:Make sure when they do something wrong, if you don't feel comfortable correct them, make sure you get it to a program or director, someone who can make the decision so that they can correct them immediately in front of you so you know how to do it the next time. And so to answer your question, I think a lot of the, mentors will refrain from discipline the mentee. One could be lack of confidence, 2 could be lack of training, and 3rd could be I just wanna be liked. Yeah. But we but we teach them, you know, it's more important to teach them the right behavior than than to be right all the time.
Speaker 3:You know, when my dad was disciplined me, I didn't like him all the time. But, you know, as I got as I became an adult, I understood why he did all those things. Right? And I'm a better man for it today. And so and that's what the mentor has to keep in mind as well.
Speaker 3:It's not whether how well you're like is you've got to carve a life for this young man right now. And so not doing that would be doing him more of a disservice than than a service.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think something that you guys have done a really great job in is creating a standard for what discipline is.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And and even just what you were saying of, like, modeling what you're wanting your staff or your mentors to do within those situations and not just expecting them to do it without seeing it first. And, I think an issue we run into a lot is we have people who are our our mentors from every single different background. We got boomers that are mentoring and they grew up, like, with switches and, like, if you did something bad, you were gonna feel it somewhere on your body. And they're they're mentoring and now they're they're probably not hitting their kids or or doing anything like that nowadays, but but their perspective of discipline is completely different from a millennial who's approaching a kid and maybe maybe wants that desire to feel liked, to feel appreciated more so than than the older mentor who's like, I want you to be disciplined. And so Right.
Speaker 2:I wonder if you would say just that that having that standard of discipline is the game changer, so everybody knows what you're looking for.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You you're absolutely right, and Steven. And it gives us an opportunity to talk about, you know we've introduced what we call TBRI, and it's called trust brain intervention relationship or relationship intervention, I mean. TBRI, trust brain, relationship intervention. And so it's more now, you know, of a cognitive response.
Speaker 3:And each one of our our members now are going through that training to make sure that they know how to properly respond and how to properly redirect. And it builds that confidence for that mentor to be able to correct them, you know, in in immediately and and appropriately. And so you're right. We can't discipline the way, maybe our future generations discipline corporately. Right?
Speaker 3:So, you know, the the the the trust brain, relationship intervention, it's more of a cognitive discipline than what the old traditional way is. And, and and it's it's on our campus, we think it's been been very effective, and we try to teach it to the parents as well so that, you know, we're all on the same wavelength. We're all talking the same language. And so that the boys don't have a different pattern at Hope Farm than they have at home. And even some most of the schools are using it as well.
Speaker 2:So that what you just said right there, I think, is probably the biggest challenge is if there's a difference in your organization, in your mentor relationship, in your school, and in your home, this kid's gonna have a lot of challenges understanding what's expected of him in every environment. And so I I yeah. I don't have an answer. I don't know how to coordinate that, and I think there's a fear, mister Satcher, just on how on how to establish a model for discipline and to ask parents to to do the same. Do you find any any kind of friction there when you're saying, hey.
Speaker 2:This is what happens in our program, and we want it to happen in the home?
Speaker 3:We we don't have a lot of of the friction, right, as opposed to, you know, how do I do this? I'm not equipped to do this. Right? And and that's why Parent University has been such a game changer for us Because now that gives us the opportunity to introduce the same, language and the same standards and the same discipline measure that we're using with their boys so that when when it when it occurs at home, you know, they can implement the same way. This doesn't happen overnight.
Speaker 3:It takes some time to to develop it. So, you know, we we're we're in the process of trying to get all the moms certified as well in order to do this so that now, once they're certified, they can be held accountable, right, for for for the for the discipline. And we certainly do it for our staff. So every time that there is a teacher's work day and the kids are not in, we pretty much have training all day that day, and we're implementing standards, and we're implementing, you know, excellence in our program. And and and the only way we're gonna be able to do that is to be able to do it as a group, as a whole, and everyone is on the same page and to do it day in and day out.
Speaker 3:The beauty of our program is this is the consistency. Every day our boys come in, we're hitting them with, you know, the bible. We're hitting them with reading literacy. We're hitting them with the 16 social skill. Right?
Speaker 3:We're loving on them every day. We're having a family style meal and sitting down at the table and teaching them table etiquette and tell them that we love them every day. And so it's a standard. You know? I mean and we're trying to perfect that standard.
Speaker 3:We know perfection may not occur, but if we if we strive for it, we may get very close to it.
Speaker 2:Wow. So if you're a mentoring leader, what mister Satcher just said was that if if you got a day off for the kids, you need to pull your staff together and do a training on discipline to make sure that your strategy is being implemented across the board, and it's consistent within every classroom, within every relationship. And I think I think that's a good challenge for for mentoring leaders to hear. It's let's not take this day off. Let's get take this day to move the ball forward and and take an advance in in the the way we're serving our kids.
Speaker 2:Now maybe you can take a day off. I mean, when Thanksgiving comes or or whatever, but but really, how can how can we implement things and and be consistent? And another thing I heard heard just from what you said is that you wanna challenge us on our our perspective of the parents, and do we actually believe that the parents don't wanna be the best parent? That they that you you think that if you offered training for parents, that they wouldn't take you up on it or desire it. And, like, the trust based inter relationship intervention, that I think that's doctor Karen Purvis.
Speaker 2:You're you're absolutely right.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:What would it look like mentoring leaders for your moms to walk through that? I I mean, I think that's a that's a good challenge to consider, not just your staff, not just your mentors, but your moms. I love that. An another question I have, I I mean, it just revolves around the do's and don'ts of of discipline. Is is there anything that you would say, don't do this, when it when it comes to discipline?
Speaker 2:Are there any red flags that you're like, hey. That that doesn't work. That's not effective.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Of course. So, again, you know, the the physical portion of it doesn't work anymore. The yelling, you know, doesn't work. You know, screaming doesn't doesn't work for for for young men.
Speaker 3:You know, you you cannot lose your composure when when mentoring, young men at this this day and age because it can take you a year or years to build a relationship and trust with a child, and you can lose it in one afternoon. So it's so important that you understand the do's and the don'ts within the program. And so, you know, the the the yelling, the screaming, you know, the corporate punishment, a lot of those things, you know, we've moved past those. And and sometimes with kids, you you have to kill them with kindness. A lot of the kids that we deal with and a lot of the kids in the environment that they come out of, you know, they don't hear I love you a lot.
Speaker 3:You know? They don't get a big hug and an embrace and say I'm proud of you. A lot of these kids, they're just looking for someone to be able to look up to. And so, you know, those are the dudes that you wanna do. You when they do something well, you know, you want to congratulate them and reward them and recognize them immediately as well.
Speaker 3:It it's it's it's highly you you just have to do it immediately from from that perspective because these kids are smart, and they're always watching. If you only correct me when I'm doing something bad and you never tell me when I do something good, you know, that's gonna be a problem. And here's the one thing you have to understand. And I and I keep going back to relationship. Right?
Speaker 3:Because authority without relationship equals confrontation. So you can't discipline a kid that you don't have a relationship with without a confrontation. And so I the the biggest do I can think of is build a relationship.
Speaker 2:That's really good. I I feel like the honestly, the easiest place to build relationship is in those moments, and I think in a in a way, it's easy as an adult to see those moments as this kid doesn't want relationship with me. He's not obeying me, and so he's rejecting me. And if if we can engage in love in those moments, it it just seems that those are the defining moments of the relationship, that it's it is the bid for relationship. It's the way a kid communicates his needs possibly is is by disobeying, is by walking away, is by lashing out.
Speaker 2:And if we're able to to leaven those moments and redirect and care for them unconditionally, I I think that that that does establish the relationship even more.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You you're absolutely right, Steven. And, again, you know, the the the the trust based relationship intervention teaches you that, you know, a lot of these young men come from a lot of different traumas, you know, even in at a younger age, and and it sticks with them for for a while. So understanding those traumas and and and how they will respond and and what ways they will respond We'll also teach you how to love them well even in in in those moments of what we may call outburst. Right?
Speaker 3:And so we have to understand those traumas. And and once we identify them, then we got to learn how to, love them well in those situations as well.
Speaker 2:Something that I think is frustrating, and it's well, and and maybe it's just this this part of relationship with God. It's like you have to be sensing what the Holy Spirit's doing in the moment. You have to be aware of of the kid that you're serving. And so something you talked about was, like, not every time is your response the same. Like, for for a kid who's lashing out and has curse words, For one kid, it may be one response.
Speaker 2:For another kid, it may be a completely different response, and I think that that lack of clarity is frustrating because it's like, well, why can't I just respond the same way that if this happens, that means I do this? And, really, that model prevents us from seeing the person, seeing the needs behind the deeds, and there's really is a responsibility on a mentor to sense what the Holy Spirit is doing and how we should respond and what could benefit the child. I don't know if you have any, stories or advice on on sensing that in those moments what to do or if it's just really it it depends on the relationship, but I wonder if you could share a story that you've seen.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, Steven, I mean, the story that I can relay to you, almost everyone that's in our program has a story, has a on our staff pretty much on why they're at Hope Farm. Many of them could be many other places. As you know in ministry, and we all know in ministry, it's it's not the most lucrative place to work, you know, from a financial standpoint. But it is very lucrative from a soul certain standpoint.
Speaker 3:And so and everyone has a story. You know? Even myself, when I when I look back over it, I I was early retired, and and I came out to talk to Gary about, oh, hey. I'm retired. I got some time on my hand.
Speaker 3:I'm I'm just do you have a project that you need some help on for a month or so? I I had no intention of, you know, of being the executive director at that particular time. But I I just remember when Gary was then looking straight in the eyes and said he says, Satcher, sometimes me, you don't have a it's not your decision. Right? He he says because when god calls you to do something, you know, it's gonna be totally out of the blue.
Speaker 3:And and you may not be, you know, ready for it at that particular time in your mind. But, you know, when he calls you to do something, you know, he's already got the ball in in play and and setting things up for it to happen in in that manner. And so you just have to be cognizant to the call and answer it when it comes. And so, yeah, they're gonna there are moments when the Lord just speak to you and say, this is what this child needs. You know, we we we've had a young man in our program, and and the school says, you know, he can't be in person anymore because he you know, he's just a risk for everyone.
Speaker 3:So if he's gonna do it, he needs to be virtual. Now his his mom works every day. There's no way she could stay home with him and work with him. And so in the in in in just that spur of the moment, you know, the Lord just says, you know what? Hope Farm, you know, we we built this program for a reason.
Speaker 3:And and the reason is to stand in the gap for these young boys and the these troubled young boys that are struggling at the predict that particular time. And just at that time, one of the staff member walked into my office and said, you know, I I wanna do something more. I just wanna have a stronger walk with one of the young men in my in the life. And and just at that time, he became the daily mentor for that particular young man while his mom is working, and he does the virtual work with him. He prays with him, walk with him during the day.
Speaker 3:And so, you know, that was a godsend at that particular time. Because if you're if he hadn't walked up at that particular time, you know, we probably would have said, well, I I don't know if we could keep him in the program any longer because we we just don't have, you know, the resource or the staff to to handle a 1 on 1. And and at that particular time, god had prepared another young man's heart to say, I need a bigger role. I need to I wanna be intentional with 1 person in my life. And so it works that way.
Speaker 3:And I mean, it's probably countless others that, Steven, that we could go over if we had the time. But I'll just tell you, you know, it's our whole staff. Something happened around the way that brought them to Hope Farm that they probably ordinarily wouldn't have been or shouldn't have been here.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Man, god god disciplines those he loves. And, I mean, I think for for every mentor, we need to be resolved to to recognize that and answer the call as lore as the Lord leads us to love through discipline.
Speaker 2:And, man, mister Satcher, I'm so I'm so encouraged by y'all's holistic approach in doing this and and challenged personally in how, we're engaging our families in in the process, engaging our mentors in the process, engaging our programs in the process of of creating an environment of discipline for our boys because, I mean, like you said, your program, if if they get prepared for this journey into manhood, what difference is that gonna make? What impact is that gonna have on their life?
Speaker 3:It's a it's a game changer. Steven, I I like to share a story with you, if I if I may, one more. Now we had a young man in our program, and he had spent about 3 or 4 years with us. He came into the program, I would say, around the age of 8, and then he left around the age of 11 11 or 12. And his grandmother said, you guys are just too strict for him.
Speaker 3:You know? It's it's it's too strict. So they she took him out of the program. And, about 6 or 8 months ago, this young man lost his life for game activity. Right?
Speaker 3:And so and when I look back at it and I said, if this young man had a state in our program, I think there's a good chance that he could have been alive today. Right? And for grandma, we were too strict. But we know what it takes for young male this day and age in order for them, you know, to be productive citizens in our community. And so if you if you don't have discipline and you don't have structure, then you're subject to fall for anything.
Speaker 3:And and most of the kids, they can say it whether they like it or not. They like discipline. They may not like the way it's it's it's implemented for them at that particular time, but the beauty of our program is is when we bring a young man in and we see that he's a little raw and he's undisciplined. And then after he's been in for about 6 weeks or 12 weeks, you kinda see the turn. There's nothing more pleasing than seeing that.
Speaker 3:Right? And so we call mentorship and discipline, they kinda go hand in hand. And and and and it's all about leadership. So that's that's what I would like to let you know at this particular time. We're in it for the the the sake of saving lives for the most part.
Speaker 2:That's a great place for us to end. Thank you. Wow. That I mean, just it's a powerful story of of the impacts of discipline and or the lack thereof. So that's a it's a challenging story.
Speaker 3:Well, Steven, thank you. Thank you for taking the time and and talking to us and giving us an opportunity, you know, to kinda explain our program. And it's always refreshing when, you know, we can share our stories and our organization with with with others. And so we're really proud of Hope Farm. It's been in the organ in this, community for almost 30 years.
Speaker 3:And we as we kinda grow and expand, we we we wanna be known as one of the the great mentorship programs in the in the area, in the community.
Speaker 2:Yeah. If any of our listeners are looking to connect with Hope Farm, how can they do that?
Speaker 3:So the very first thing they can do is go to our website, which is www.hopefarmfw.org. And our website has an overview of pretty much every program and everything that we're doing within the organization. They can also call our main line, which is 817-926-9116. And either the the recorder will direct them to the right place after hours, or there'll be someone to answer the phone and get them transferred to the right area during the day. So we're always willing to speak with anyone that's willing to take a look at our campus and visit our campus or just have questions that they're they're unsure of.
Speaker 3:But if you have a son, and no father in the home, and you're in the Dallas Fort Worth area, please give us a call. We're interested.
Speaker 2:Amen. It's amazing. Mister Satcher Dawson, executive director of Hope Farm, thanks again for being on the podcast. It was awesome.