Fire the Canon

We’ve got a little treat for you all today: short, sweet, and to the point.  The gang discusses the most famous patriotic American song written by a lesbian socialist.  Jackie scams Wal-Mart.  Theo premieres a new piece of music.  Rachel premieres an old nickname.  Topics include: Boston marriages, Pike’s Peak, pre-Christmas Scrooge, Ray Charles, Toby Keith, WAP, Coke commercials, Lin Manuel Miranda, Mozart, the SpaghettiOs mascot, and Pearl Harbor.

Min Kwon's America the Beautiful Project: https://www.america-beautiful.com/events

Theo's Variation: https://open.spotify.com/track/2UEGjs8wSbGYbFdEByJaL3?si=51464a5ab5744880

Show Notes

We’ve got a little treat for you all today: short, sweet, and to the point.  The gang discusses the most famous patriotic American song written by a lesbian socialist.  Jackie scams Wal-Mart.  Theo premieres a new piece of music.  Rachel premieres an old nickname.  Topics include: Boston marriages, Pike’s Peak, pre-Christmas Scrooge, Ray Charles, Toby Keith, WAP, Coke commercials, Lin Manuel Miranda, Mozart, the SpaghettiOs mascot, and Pearl Harbor.

Min Kwon's America the Beautiful Project: https://www.america-beautiful.com/events

Theo's Variation: https://open.spotify.com/track/2UEGjs8wSbGYbFdEByJaL3?si=51464a5ab5744880

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

What is Fire the Canon?

Prefer your books in comedy form, but still want to sound smart at parties? We got you. Discover the hilarity hidden in the classics with new episodes every Thursday.

Theo (00:00):
(intro music plays) Thine alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears. America! America!
Rachel (00:08):
That's it?
Jackie (00:08):
You're saying it like America is asleep and you're trying to wake it up.
Rachel (00:11):
"Americaaaa! Time for school!"
Jackie (00:25):
Hi everyone. Welcome to Fire the Canon. This is our special Independence Day bonus episode. We're going to be talking to you about America the Beautiful -
Theo (00:33):
A classic song -
Jackie (00:34):
By -
Rachel (00:35):
Katharine Lee Bates.
Theo (00:36):
Did she write the music and the words?
Rachel (00:38):
Uh, she didn't do the music and the words. She just did the words. Actually, weirdly, the music was written first and then the poem was written, and then some wise guy got the idea to combine them. Okay. Theo, do you want to tell the audience why we're talking about this poem today?
Theo (00:54):
Well, we were originally going to talk about The Star Spangled Banner, but then I pointed out that I was part of a project organized by the pianist Min Kwon. She wanted to commission a lot of composers, both old and new... I guess old and young... to write variations on the theme America the Beautiful. Fun fact about that little commission project is I was confused at first. And I wrote mine to the theme of 'America, My Country Tis of Thee,' and I had to redo it.
Rachel (01:23):
Just 'My Country, Tis of Thee'.
Jackie (01:24):
America!
Rachel (01:24):
There's no America in there. So it's even worse that you got them confused.
Theo (01:29):
The Wikipedia article says it's 'America,' and then in parentheses, 'My Country, Tis of Thee.'
Rachel (01:34):
No, but I'm just saying people call it 'My Country TIS of Thee.' There's no reason you would have said that.
Jackie (01:39):
The extra funny part is that, Min Kwon, right?, said, "Make sure that you write a piece of music about America The America Beautiful - "
Rachel (01:46):
America the Beautiful.
Jackie (01:46):
" - and make sure that it ISN'T about The Star-Spangled Banner." And then you said, "Got it. My Country Tis of Thee."
Theo (01:51):
Yeah.
Rachel (01:52):
Uh, okay! So Theo said, "Hey, let's do that because I will allow you to use my music on our podcast."
Jackie (01:59):
Yeah. Last time I tried, he hit me with a lawsuit so fast, my head spun. So now we have to ask permission.
Rachel (02:05):
If you check the description of this episode, we will post the Spotify link to the song that Theo composed, which is part of an album of other rearrangements.
Theo (02:14):
Dozens and dozens of them.
Rachel (02:17):
Dozens upon dozens of them. So you should check it out!
Theo (02:20):
If you don't like mine, there are dozens and dozens of others to pick from.
Rachel (02:23):
We'll play a little bit of it right now.
Jackie (02:25):
(singing) "Oh, say can you seeeee?"
Rachel (02:26):
Nope, nope.
Theo (02:26):
No, Jackie!
New Speaker (02:28):
[Classical music with piano, strings, and clarinet plays theme from America the Beautiful]
Rachel (02:46):
So let's talk a little bit about why this song is interesting. Katharine Lee Bates, if you know anything about her, you know that she was a lesbian socialist.
Jackie (02:56):
Oh shit!
Rachel (02:58):
Which is why I'm happy to talk about the song. She led a very interesting life. Uh, her father was a preacher who died when she was young. To make ends meet, her mother had to do, like, various odd jobs and the kids would help out and all their neighbors helped out as well. So she says that the town she grew up in practiced a sort of, quote, "neighborly socialism". And growing up, she maintained her activism. She was in favor of, you know, racial integration, and she marched for justice, she was pro-union, women's rights, et cetera, et cetera. She was also a professor. She taught at Wellesley College. And part of the reason people think she didn't get married is that if she had gotten married, she would have lost tenure.
Theo (03:41):
Really?
Rachel (03:42):
Yep. That's the rule.
Jackie (03:44):
I find it surprising that an institution would have discouraged marriage in this time period.
Rachel (03:48):
I don't know, man. I don't know if they were discouraging it. I guess they were just like, 'Eh, who cares? If you get married, we'll just replace you with a man.'
Jackie (03:55):
That seems like discouragement, but... (Theo laughs) What year was this again?
Rachel (03:58):
She was born in 1859 and she died in 1929.
Jackie (04:01):
Okay.
Rachel (04:01):
So, most of her time that she was a professor at the college, she shared a house with her quote-unquote "close friend and companion", Katharine Coman. And people have found letters between the two of them that seem like they're very clearly romantic.
Jackie (04:20):
Come on! They're probably just gal pals!
Rachel (04:22):
I mean, that's what people tried to say.
Jackie (04:24):
BFF-ies!
Rachel (04:25):
They tried to say they were in a 'Boston marriage,' where they just loved each other's intellect, but...
Theo (04:30):
That's a thing?
Rachel (04:30):
A Boston marriage is two rich women who live together as friends because they're like, 'I don't want a husband, but I want companionship.'.
Jackie (04:37):
Why is it Boston?
Rachel (04:38):
I guess it happened a lot in Boston because New England is probably where wealthy women were concentrated at the time. Like, wealthy, educated women.
Jackie (04:47):
Hmm!
Rachel (04:47):
So I don't think it was! I think it was that they were in a relationship. Okay. So after her partner left her, which I think she ended up getting married, Katharine wrote a book as a commemoration of their relationship!
Jackie (05:00):
I do that for all my friends. (Theo laughs).
Rachel (05:02):
There is a letter that she wrote to her and it says, "You were always in my heart and in my longings. It was the living away from you that made at first the prospect of leaving Wellesley so heart-achy, and it seemed least of all possible when I had just found the long-desired way to your dearest heart." She wrote multiple sonnets to this woman as well.
Jackie (05:23):
Oh man.
Theo (05:23):
Wow.
Jackie (05:24):
That must've been the best roommate she ever had. (Rachel and Theo laugh)
Rachel (05:27):
Jackie!
Theo (05:29):
Come on, Jackie. Read between the lines.
Rachel (05:32):
She had just been trapped in basically a very long period of depression, really depressed for a long time. While she was coming out of it, she was teaching English at Colorado College and she went on a hike with some other teachers, and they hiked up to the top of Pike's Peak.
Jackie (05:47):
Oh, I've been there.
Rachel (05:48):
Yeah! Well, when she got to the top, it was so beautiful and she - it's, the quote is, 'I felt great joy. All the wonder of America seemed displayed there with the sea-like expanse." And she just talked about how the mist rising off the mountains made them seem purple, and it was so beautiful, and she just immediately grabbed her notebook and wrote down the first draft of the poem while she was still inspired by this sight.
Theo (06:09):
Wow.
Jackie (06:10):
So it sounds like she had, like, a transcendent, magnificent experience on top of Pike's Peak. Right?
Rachel (06:15):
Yeah.
Jackie (06:15):
So here's my experience on Pike's Peak.
Rachel (06:17):
Ay, ay, ay.
Jackie (06:17):
Little different. Um, I was a little kid and me and my sister went to Colorado to visit some distant relatives. And my grandfather took us and it was summertime. So we only had summer clothes. Uh, so we didn't have any clothes that were like acceptable for going up high. Cause it gets really cold on top of the mountain. Even the summertime, you have to go way up high above the clouds and stuff. So he took us to Walmart and he's like, famously kind of overly frugal, you might say.
Rachel (06:42):
He's a Scrooge. A pre-Christmas Scrooge.
Jackie (06:45):
Only where it doesn't count. He bought us little boys sweatshirts and made us keep the tags on them, and so we could return them after we got back down from the mountain. So we had to go up the mountain wearing these little boys' winter clothes and then just like, give them back to Walmart afterwards.
Theo (07:01):
Were they all sweaty?
Rachel (07:02):
Did it work? Did they accept the sweaty little sweatshirts?
Jackie (07:04):
They weren't sweaty! It was cold, that was the whole point.
Rachel (07:07):
You can sweat inside. If you're exerting yourself.
Jackie (07:10):
Inside of...?
Rachel (07:10):
The sweatshirt!
Jackie (07:11):
No no no, you ride a little gondola thing up to the top.
Theo (07:13):
Ohh!
Rachel (07:14):
Oh, I was thinking you did what Katharine Lee Bates did and you had to walk.
Jackie (07:17):
Noooo.
Rachel (07:18):
Oh, okay.
Theo (07:18):
So now you need to write a poem about returning sweatshirts to Walmart.
Jackie (07:22):
(laughing) It would be on the back of the receipt. (Jackie and Theo laugh).
Theo (07:25):
And the refrain will say something about, "America, America, ba-dum."
Jackie (07:28):
Yeah. "America, America, thanks for this great sweatshirt. Give it to some other little boy."
Rachel (07:34):
That's pretty good! So anyway, the poem ended up being very popular. She released a collection. The New York times said that she "is a good minor poet" -
Jackie (07:43):
Ugh.
Rachel (07:43):
- and that they "meant no derogation" by saying that -
Jackie (07:45):
Ugh!
Rachel (07:46):
I know in 1918, a division of the U S army ended up singing the song after hearing about armistice. And when she heard that she cried, she was so it was so meaningful to her that her poem meant a lot to them. Wow. So that's that. So obviously this song has been covered many, many times since people figured out what tune to put with it. But most people would say that the Ray Charles version is the best. So we're going to listen to that and we'll put in a little clip for you all hit it Theo, but he will prove.
Jackie (08:30):
So here's something interesting. Um, I don't think I've ever heard this version before.
Rachel (08:34):
What versions have you heard?
Jackie (08:35):
I didn't think I had heard any particular version. I feel like I just always hear it, sung it like yeah. In schools and sporting events.
Rachel (08:41):
Sporting events.
Jackie (08:42):
Yeah.
Rachel (08:42):
Well, what do you think?
Jackie (08:43):
Well, this was, this was great. Ray Charles is great. Well, I didn't know there were so many words to it.
Rachel (08:47):
I mean, normally we only sing one verse, but there's three or four verses. There might even be more verses in the poem than there are in the song.
Jackie (08:54):
I liked how he said, "Back when we were in school, we used to sing it like this!" And then launches into this, like, extremely soulful, perfectly in-tune... Like, maybe that's
Rachel (09:03):
Like, maybe that's how YOU used to sing it, Ray Charles!
Jackie (09:05):
You know, these little kids at school were not like... I'm not even going to try to imitate it.
Rachel (09:08):
(soul singing voice) "Oooohhh!"
Jackie (09:09):
Yeah.
Rachel (09:09):
Like that's not how we did it back in Bunn.
Jackie (09:11):
Back when we were in school, we used to sing it like, (irritating, nasally kid voice) "DA DAAAA DA DA, DA DAAAA DA DAAA..." like, that's how it sounded in my school. (laughs)
Rachel (09:18):
The reason that I like this song a lot more than the national anthem - I mean, part of it is the melody of the national anthem is very weird. Like it's kind of, it's hard for people to sing, and it's especially hard for people to all sing together. If you start in the wrong place, you know, someone's not going to be able to go high enough or low enough or whatever. So apart from that though, the thing that I really like about this song in particular is that unsurprisingly - because she was a trade unionist, socialist, lesbian, progressive, whatever - this is a song about like, trying to reach our ideals. (laughs).
Jackie (09:54):
Mhmm.
Rachel (09:54):
It's not a song that's like, 'Wow, what a great country we have.' It's a song saying, like, 'We have good ideals, but hopefully God will help us actually reach them. Hopefully we'll get good leaders someday,' whatever, this, this, this. Like the best part about America is our brotherhood with each other, as opposed to like, our military might or something.
Jackie (10:17):
It's interesting that the one verse we always sing is just the one that's like, 'We're great. We already got it. We made it. America's great. We got the mountains. We've got the plains. We got the seas. Done. America.'
Theo (10:25):
The natural beauty.
Jackie (10:26):
Yeah.
Rachel (10:27):
I mean, I get that.
Jackie (10:28):
So people a lot of times say this should have been the national anthem. Why do you think it's not?
Rachel (10:32):
I mean, wasn't the other one already? The national anthem, by that point, it's kind of a big deal to change it.
Jackie (10:37):
But they didn't even have all the states yet. I think now that we have probably all the states we're going to have, including Puerto Rico, let's just get a new one.
Theo (10:43):
Oh wow! Yeah, it was made the national anthem in 1931, The Star-Spangled Banner.
Rachel (10:49):
(gasps) So this could have been it!
Jackie (10:51):
This could have been it.
Rachel (10:51):
Dang! It's a lot fresher than I thought. Okay, so some people have complained that America the Beautiful is essentially "a musical travelogue with no true patriotic fervor at all." Which is why I like it! (Rachel and Theo laugh)
Jackie (11:05):
Well, what is The Star-Spangled Banner then?
Theo (11:06):
It's war, right?
Jackie (11:08):
"Hey, that flag didn't fall down!" Oh, I shouldn't say that. Happy Independence Day, everyone! We love America. (Theo laughs)
Theo (11:14):
It seems like all of the big patriotic songs were originally not patriotic songs and new text was added to make them patriotic.
Jackie (11:23):
Hmm.
Theo (11:23):
Like, The Star-Spangled Banner, and America the Beautiful, My Country Tis of Thee, Battle Hymn of the Republic. They were all originally different songs.
Rachel (11:31):
The other two options were God Bless America and then This Land is Your Land. Those are the five that people tend to -
Jackie (11:38):
What is God Bless America?
Rachel (11:38):
(singing) Gooooood bless Americaaaa! Laaand -
Jackie (11:38):
(joining in) Laaaaand that I loooooove!
Rachel (11:38):
It sounds like you know it. (laughs).
Jackie (11:45):
I know. So I didn't know that I knew it! (laughs).
Rachel (11:48):
(singing) Stand beside her...
Jackie (11:48):
Okay. But what about, (singing tune of 'God Bless the USA') "And I'm prooooud to beeee an American! Where at least I know I'm freeee!"
Rachel (11:54):
Yeah, I definitely don't want that one. (laughs)
Jackie (11:57):
I mean, it does have a good melody. (laughs)
Rachel (11:58):
Okay. This is better. Maybe we'll get to that in year seven of the pod.
Jackie (12:02):
(laughing) Progressively less good options for the national anthem.
Rachel (12:08):
Ugh, I cannot wait til we get to the Toby Keith one.
Jackie (12:10):
Year 41 is WAP.
Rachel (12:13):
Ehhh? May not take us that long. (Jackie laughs) Okay. I mean, what do you guys think? What's your opinion, now that you've thought about it?
Theo (12:19):
The history is interesting. It seems like one of the less problematic histories of an American song. (Rachel laughs) So that's great. Perhaps the least problematic!
Rachel (12:27):
The only unproblematic -
Theo (12:28):
(laughing) Yeah, maybe the only one.
Jackie (12:31):
Happy Birthday?
Theo (12:32):
Ohh!
Rachel (12:33):
Oh, oh, here's something funny. So there was a Coke commercial where they sang this song. I don't know if you saw it, it was like a Superbowl Coke commercial. And they started it with, uh, one person singing a line in English, and then it just cut to different Americans, like, Singing the song in different styles and in different languages and everything to be like, look, we're all American!
Jackie (12:53):
We all love Coke!
Theo (12:53):
Yeah.
Rachel (12:54):
Let's drink Coke. People on Fox News FREAKED. OUT. I don't remember who exactly it was, if it was Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or whatever, but they were freaking out. They're like, "We can't even be proud to sing America the Beautiful in English, during the SUPER BOWL? What is this country coming to?!"
Jackie (13:10):
"Tell these immigrants to stop liking America!"
Rachel (13:13):
Singing this song by a lesbian socialist in their own language.
Jackie (13:17):
I don't think anybody really knows that. I mean like, clearly somebody knows that, it's out there, but like, I don't think that's common knowledge at all.
Theo (13:22):
Yeah.
Jackie (13:22):
Do you think Sean Hannity knows that? Let's tweet at him.
Rachel (13:24):
If you're going to go on and on about how, like, people have to sing a song in English, gosh darn it, you should know a little bit more about the history of the song.
Jackie (13:33):
Yeah!
Rachel (13:33):
She one hundred percent would have been happy for people to translate it into other languages.
Jackie (13:38):
Mhmm.
Rachel (13:38):
She was a cool woman.
Jackie (13:39):
She was a cool woman.
Rachel (13:39):
I'd love to get her on the pod.
Theo (13:41):
Yeah. Sounds like a good... good get.
Rachel and Jackie (13:44):
A good get.
Rachel (13:44):
Did you know that some people call me Ray Charles?
Jackie (13:44):
... I'm quitting. (laughs)
Theo (13:49):
Because your name is Ray...chel?
Rachel (13:52):
Yeah, it kind of sounds like Rachel. (laughs) So I have, it might be Andy Champion, a couple of people will just be like, "Oh, hey there, Ray Charles."
Theo (13:59):
What??
Jackie (14:00):
I've known you for 13 years and I've never once thought to call you that.
Rachel (14:03):
I'm not encouraging you to do so! I have never encouraged anyone to call me Ray Charles.
Jackie (14:07):
Rachel never shuts up about wanting us to call her Ray Charles.
Rachel (14:11):
"The name's Rachel, but my friends, they call me Ray Charles." (laughs)
Theo (14:16):
I'm curious, can all the other Rachels who are listening to this podcast write in and tell us that they also get called Ray Charles?
Jackie (14:22):
Pipe up and tell us.
Rachel (14:23):
Or if you call me Ray, Charles, write in.
Theo (14:26):
(laughing) Yeah!
Rachel (14:26):
Or if you're going to START calling me that.
Jackie (14:29):
I wish I had a name that sounded like a thing.
Theo (14:30):
You do!
Jackie (14:32):
... What is it, Theo?
Theo (14:32):
Jacquelin-Manuel Miranda. (explosive laughter from Jackie and Rachel)
Rachel (14:37):
What are you Theo?
Jackie (14:39):
(in a nasally voice) I take offense to that!
Theo (14:39):
Uhh...
Jackie (14:39):
I don't know what his voice sounds like, I'm just saying what Rachel said.
Rachel (14:45):
(in an even worse, more nasally and country-sounding voice) I take offense to that! What a great Lin-Manuel Miranda impersonation.
Theo (14:50):
(even more nasally voice) I take offense to that!
Rachel (14:52):
(mock-Italian accent) I take-a the offense!
Jackie (14:52):
Oh god.
Theo (14:52):
That's so him. Yeah, I don't know what I would be. The O? The O.... Wasn't the mascot for SpaghettiOs named The O?
Rachel (15:00):
(laughing) I don't know! Wouldn't it have to be a musician though?
Theo (15:04):
Why?
Rachel (15:04):
Because if - you have Jacquelin-Manuel Miranda, Ray Charles, and the SpaghettiOs mascot?? (laughing)
Theo (15:10):
I think he sang songs.
Rachel (15:13):
(laughing) Can't you think of a classical composer who had an 'EO' in his name?
Theo (15:17):
EO?
Jackie (15:18):
Can't you think of a classical composer who is named something like 'Theophilus'? Like, I don't know, maybe Amadeus?
Rachel (15:23):
Yeah.
Theo (15:24):
Oh, right.
Jackie (15:24):
No, I don't know any named that.
Rachel (15:25):
There's got to be a composer...
Theo (15:27):
On his birth certificate his name is Theophilus.
Rachel (15:29):
What?!
Jackie (15:29):
They had birth certificates back then?
New Speaker (15:32):
On Mozart's birth certificate. Yeah, they did.
Jackie (15:34):
Why does he have...?
Rachel (15:34):
His name is Wolfgang Theophilus Mozart?
Theo (15:37):
He has like, three middle names. One - one of them is Theophilus and they do the Latin version, so it's Amadeus, yeah.
Rachel (15:42):
So his name wasn't Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?
Theo (15:49):
Oh, I guess it was Johannes Christostomus -
Jackie (15:49):
Christostomus??
Theo (15:49):
- Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart.
Rachel (15:49):
Wolfgangus!
Jackie (15:49):
Christostomus?!
Theo (15:49):
That's the best I can figure.
Rachel (15:56):
That's the best you can figure? It says as an adult, he generally called himself Wolfgang Amadei Mozart.
Theo (16:01):
Okay.
Rachel (16:01):
So he was just like, I don't care what you call me as long as it's -
Jackie (16:04):
Not late for dinner.
Rachel (16:04):
- one of the translations of my name.
Theo (16:05):
Okay. I can't figure out if the mascot for SpaghettiOs was named The O.
Rachel (16:11):
Why not?
Theo (16:12):
I'm trying. I'm really trying.
Rachel (16:13):
It says a lot of people called him Wolfgang Gottlieb.
Jackie (16:16):
Yeah. The SpaghettiOs man pops out and he's like, "I'm Wolfgang Gottlieb!" (all laugh)
Rachel (16:22):
Mozart, he wanted people to call him Wolfgang Amadei but people were just like, "No, no, no! Wolfgang Gottlieb."
Jackie (16:28):
Man, I didn't know there was yet a THIRD version of 'loved by God'.
Rachel (16:31):
It's German.
Jackie (16:32):
I know. I g- well, I get that now. (laughs)
Rachel (16:33):
God-lover. Wolfgang God-lover Mozart. (laughs) That's what we called him in America.
Theo (16:41):
(in Kung-Pao voice) God-LOVER! (Jackie and Theo laugh)
Jackie (16:41):
I can't figure out what the O is.
Theo (16:43):
Oh my gosh, somebody please write in.
Jackie (16:45):
Somebody needs to write in and tell us who the SpaghettiOs man is.
Rachel (16:48):
Oh my gosh. The 'Amadeus' was him trolling!
Theo (16:52):
Oh yeah?
Rachel (16:52):
He never called himself Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. But to try to pretend to be fancy, he occasionally, as a joke, would sign some letters as "Wolfgangus Amadeus Mozartus."
Jackie (17:03):
But that was his name, he just changed it a little bit. What's the big deal? Hey! Theo! You should do the same thing! You could say...
Rachel (17:09):
Theophilusus Chandlerus.
Jackie (17:09):
Theophilusus!!
Theo (17:12):
I just have one more thing to say about my searches for SpaghettiOs. (Jackie and Rachel laugh) I looked up SpaghettiOs' mascot, and the first thing I saw was, "SpaghettiOs apologizes for Pearl Harbor tweet." (Explosive laughter from Jackie and Rachel)
Rachel (17:27):
Oh, no!
Theo (17:27):
SpaghettiOs, why are you even entering in there?
Rachel (17:27):
Why are you involved in Pearl Harbor discourse?!
Jackie (17:30):
I just clipped a lot. Can someone explain to me what they, what they did? (laughing).
Rachel (17:34):
What was the tweet?
Theo (17:35):
It has a picture of the O, the SpaghettiOs mascot, holding an American flag, and it says, take a moment to remember hashtag #Pearl Harbor with us.
Jackie (17:45):
And they had to apologize?
Rachel (17:45):
And they had to apologize for that?
Theo (17:46):
You know all of these, uh, online magazines and everything were just loving that story 'cause they could say, "Uh oh! SpaghettiOs! Somebody made a Pearl Harbor tweet."
Rachel (17:57):
(laughing) Did they say that? Did you find those headlines?
Jackie (17:59):
I don't understand why they had to apologize. Did you figure that out? ...It's just, it's stupid. Ahh! It's just a -
Rachel (18:04):
It's just cause he's got a giant grin on his face, I guess?
New Speaker (18:08):
(laughing) I guess so.
Jackie (18:08):
It says, "Take a moment to remember hashtag #Pearl Harbor with us." And it's a SpaghettiO with little sneakers on sticking his tongue out, holding an American flag with his hand on his hip, just cocking his hip all happily, huge grin. That's it.
Rachel (18:22):
The thing is, brands shouldn't be on Twitter at all, but if they are going to be on Twitter, then whatever, this is fine.
Jackie (18:27):
One of the problems was that immediately before that, the last tweet before "Take a moment to remember Pearl Harbor" was, "Who remembers blast from the past? What's your favorite hashtag #nostalgia game? Flashback Friday! Remember Pearl Harbor with us."
Theo (18:40):
(laughing) What?!
Jackie (18:42):
Blast from the past!
Theo (18:44):
God.
Jackie (18:44):
Wrong thing to say.
Rachel (18:46):
So what are our thoughts on this song? Do we want to fire it?
Jackie (18:48):
No, we can't fire America the Beautiful.
Rachel (18:50):
I like it. I mean, it's not my favorite song, but as far as America's songs go, it's up there.
Theo (18:55):
I think this song is an important part of the repertoire, an important part of the canon, and I think it should receive more plays on Spotify.
Rachel (19:03):
Especially the version Theo wrote.
Jackie (19:05):
Here's the real question. Here's the real meaning of the story that we didn't know, all along, we were searching for. Are we firing SpaghettiOs?
Theo (19:10):
Noooo.
Rachel (19:12):
You know, I haven't had a SpaghettO in years. And I probably never will.
Jackie (19:15):
Don't you want to have a blast from the past? So Theo! Okay, so you're applying for a job that might involve doing social media. Think about, like, any dumb mistake you make could end up like this. And the whole company would have to apologize for your actions, and people would make fun of it for years to come on podcasts.
Theo (19:30):
You don't think I already think about that?
Jackie (19:32):
I mean, how long ago was this? This was eight years ago! People like us are still making fun of this.
Theo (19:37):
But doesn't it make you want SpaghettiOs? (Jackie laughs)
Rachel (19:40):
Does it make YOU want SpaghettiOs?
Jackie (19:42):
And it turns out this whole episode was sponsored by SpaghettiOs, and we were just trying to get the word out. (Theo laughs) SpaghettiOs, if you want to sponsor us, I think your image was hilarious. Like, I don't think it was sensitive or good, but I think it was funny.
Theo (19:56):
You stoop so low, don't you, Jacquelynn? ....Manuel Miranda.
Jackie (19:58):
- Manuel Miranda, yeah.
Rachel (20:00):
Jacquelin-Manuel Miranda. That's pretty good.
Jackie (20:03):
Yeah, that was pretty good, Theo. You did that really fast.
Theo (20:06):
(laughing) It's so stupid.
Rachel (20:06):
Were you thinking about that the whole time?
Theo (20:08):
No, I think that one just fell out of my mouth.
Jackie (20:10):
Wow.
Rachel (20:11):
Much like a SpaghettiO, when your jaw drops in shock at that tweet.
Theo (20:16):
(laughing) Yeah!
Rachel (20:16):
All right. Everyone...
Theo (20:18):
This is it!
Rachel (20:18):
In case you didn't know, July the fourth is the American Independence Day.
Theo (20:23):
Yeah.
Rachel (20:23):
That's what we've been talking about this whole time. So just have a nice Sunday, no matter where you are. Oh, shoot! We didn't do the traditional greeting. Merry fourthmas, everyone.
Jackie (20:33):
What?
Rachel (20:33):
Top of the fourth to yeh!
Jackie (20:34):
What, what's traditional...? We've done that before?
Rachel (20:35):
Merry fourthmas!
Theo (20:37):
How about this one? How about this one? July the fourth be with you!
Rachel (20:40):
Oh, nice. Very good.
Theo (20:42):
How about, oh how about this one? Seasons fourthings!
Rachel (20:46):
Yeah. Happy fourthnukkah.
Theo (20:48):
Happy fourthday!
Rachel (20:49):
Feliz Navifourth.
Jackie (20:51):
Feliz dia de la cuatro.
Rachel (20:53):
Feliz dia de la cuatro? (laughs).
Jackie (20:56):
El cuatro. Happy day of four!
Rachel (20:59):
Happy day of four. We are getting our stickers! The shipment is coming in this week. It's so exciting.
Jackie (21:05):
My bracelet, uh, kit came today!
Rachel (21:07):
Nice. So Jackie will be making "What would brother wizard in the sky do?" bracelets for the lucky few who took advantage of her.
Jackie (21:14):
Hey, nobody took advantage of me! I have willpower.
Rachel (21:16):
And the stickers are almost here. So if you want to get your little fingers on a sticker - whatever size fingers you have, I don't really care - become a patron of our podcast and check it out. We've gotten a lot of other great perks for you - specifically, mostly, a bunch of...
Jackie (21:32):
Stickers.
Rachel (21:32):
...Extra episodes. (laughs)
Jackie (21:34):
(laughing) Specifically mostly stickers.
Theo (21:36):
I'll also say, Rachel, we are legally obligated to call them 'fingies', not 'fingers'.
Rachel (21:40):
Oh sorry. Okay. Little fingies. If you want to get your little fingies on one of these, become a patron. We're at patreon.com/firethecanon. Come back, you should listen - if you haven't yet, listen to our first Confederacy of Dunces episode. It got a little wild, it got a little crazy. And I'm sure that episode two will also do the same. So check back in with us this Thursday to listen to that.
Theo (22:18):
Okay. We're done?
Rachel (22:18):
Bye, Nell.
Theo (22:18):
Byeee, Nell.
Jackie (22:18):
Bye, Nell! (outro music plays)

This transcript was exported on Jul 06, 2021 - view latest version here.

ATB_Draft (Completed 07/04/21)
Transcript by Rev.com
Page 1 of 2