Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
”Spiritual Awakening with Shaz” is your gateway to unlocking your inner potential and navigating the transformative journey of self-discovery. Join Shaz, a seasoned life coach, spiritual mentor, and psychic medium, as she shares powerful insights, practical techniques, and inspiring stories to help you tap into your intuition and manifest your best life. Each episode offers a blend of spiritual wisdom and actionable advice, designed to elevate your consciousness and empower you to overcome life’s challenges. Whether you’re just beginning your spiritual journey or seeking to deepen your practice, Shaz provides the guidance you need to shine your light and embrace your true purpose. Let’s delve into the world of Spirituality, Intuition, Energy Healing, Feng Shui, Manifestation and Magic. Episodes will be released weekly. So grab a cuppa, settle in and join us on a journey of Discovery into your Inner Self.
Why You Keep Going Back to What Hurts You (And How to Finally Break the Pattern)
Episode 75 – Spiritual Awakening with Shaz
You know, at that moment when you say to yourself, why am I here again? The same situation, different person, that same feeling. You told yourself you wouldn't go back and you promised this time would be different. And yet here you are. If you say that you. I want you to stay with me. This week in the Spiritual Awakening, we share this podcast. I want to talk about all those times where we keep going back to things that hurt us, and how you can finally break the pattern. Because you're not weak, you're not broken, and you're definitely not stupid. There is a reason it keeps happening, and today I want to break it down for you so you can actually understand it and start changing it. So let's say it's straight. You don't keep repeating patterns because you enjoy paying. All of these just feels familiar to you. And we do things that keep us safe and secure in our nervous system, even when it hurts us the most. This is the part most people miss. You're not choosing the person. You're choosing a feeling that your body recognizes. So you go and meet someone new, right? That feels intense. The chemistry is great. It feels like they're just pulling you in. That's not always connection. A lot of the time, it's pattern recognition. We recognize patterns that we're used to. This is why people who grow up in toxic families and troubled childhoods go and attract the same type of people into their lives. They say women go looking for their fathers or what they want or perceive their father to be. So many people get stuck here. You can see the red flags. You can list them. You can even tell your friends that it's wrong. You know that it's wrong. But you still go back. You still stay in the same situation. Why? The simple reason is this insight lives inside your mind. Patterns live inside our body. Our nervous system is wired to return to what it knows. It understands security. It understands safety. That's why you override your intuition. You don't listen to your friends or your family. You know better. Not because you don't have it. It's because your body is louder than your mind. I never understood this so well until my 30s. I was so used to people treating me like garbage, it was normal to me. And then I had a very dear friend who was kind to me, and honestly, it broke me. It broke me in so many ways. I didn't know how to deal with it. Have you treated me like crap and said I was horrible and did nasty things to me? I used to think you were my best friend because friends did that right. They were honest. They were brutal if they had to be, because that was the family that I grew up in. That was the safety net that my body, my mind was trained to accept. That kept me alive. I never knew. I grew up in narcissistic families or abuse situations until my adulthood, because my brain normalized it in order to keep on living, because if I had to fight against it within my body and my somatic system and my unconscious mind, I may have died. And this is where people don't realize that patterns don't come from nowhere. They're built early on. They're built in the first seven years of our childhood. It's built from things like inconsistent love, rejection, earning attention, being or feeling unseen or not enough. If you're a Gen Xer, we've all heard the old adage children are to be seen but not heard. Your system learns that. You learn that love comes from effort. Ellen love feels uncertain, and it requires you to prove yourself over and over again. And trust me, it doesn't matter how hard you prove yourself. They raise the bar. They raise it higher and higher and higher until it is totally unachievable. So when you go out into the big wide world as an adult, and you go and meet someone that triggers that same emotional state. Our consciousness and our body considers that home. It feels like home to us. It doesn't feel healthy. It feels known. And that's what home feels like, because we've never trained ourselves to create safety and security within ourselves. No one teaches you to go and figure out what safe and secure means to you, how to provide yourself love, how to find loving relationships and security in a safe way. We become addicted to intensity. The highs and the lows. The emotional roller coaster. It creates normalcy. Passion feels deep. It feels like something real. That high alert feeling is actually your body in a tense state, trying to tell you and warn you that it's not safe. It's not secure. But you're so ingrained and used to. It is locked in our somatic system, in our nervous system, as something normal. And to many of you, it feels like calm when it's not. Anxiousness is not calmness. And when you go and find people that want to give you healthy relationships and love and acceptance, we walk away from that goodness. We run from it. Come on women, no one wants a nice guy, right? We all want the bad boy. The one that makes us worry. Not the one that wants to love us and put us on a pedestal and make us feel like the princess or the queen that we deserve. We want the one that treats us like garbage. And that's the loop that we get into. And it happens with relationships, friendships, family everywhere. Who's got that friend whose favorite thing is to put you down so that they feel better? And you put up with it for years and years because, oh my God, they're my friend and they're only being truthful with me. And I must have all these problems, because if I don't accept what they do or say to me, they're not going to be my friend anymore. And that means I'm the bad person. These are relationship cycles that you get into. These are patterns that you have to break. Everything starts to change the moment you see the pattern clearly, you actually create space. You start catching yourself thinking, oh, here it is again. You see them for real. What they are. You think that moment is power? You think it instantly fixes everything because you're not unconscious? It's not true. It just means you're not reacting to it any longer. But you still stay there because you make excuses. Ah, but I can help get them better. I can help change them. They won't be the same as my ex. They're not going to do the same thing to me. But this passion, this lovely, fiery feeling, makes me feel alive when calmness is boring, safe and security. That peaceful feeling. We all say we want it, but we get it and we sabotage it. We break it down. We find fault in it. We walk away from goodness because we can't cope with our own selves. Because we don't do the inner work. We don't realise that we have a problem. We blame everybody else. And then we just go looking for the next one. It's how you create patterns of relationships of the same cycle over and over again. Because you sort of recognize the patterns and you say you'll never fall for it again, but then you feel that love or that lust or that really good feeling in your body, and it feels like homecoming, and you think they're wonderful, even though everything wrong with them is right there. It's right in front of your face. You know it and then make excuses to stay anyway. That's not breaking the pattern. And that's simply because you don't love yourself enough to trust yourself that you're worth the effort to deserve and get better. You lack boundaries. You become a people pleaser. You don't want to rock the boat. You don't call anyone else out on their behavior. When someone triggers you, that's on you, not on them. You're responsible for your triggers. All their doing is highlighting the inconsistencies between the thinking of your unconscious and your conscious mind. Tolerating the behavior that's on you. If it's unwelcome behavior criticism. Picking on you, gaslighting, bullying, and you staying around for it, that's your level of toleration. And you will stay what you tolerate and you will create and manifest and attract more of that. And you're the only one that can decide that you deserve better. That to build the boundary, to say no to toxic behaviors, to narcissism, to put downs, to gaslighting. Okay, people that trigger you are not the problem. Your triggers are your own. They are the greatest gift that you have because it shows non conducive alignment between your thinking, your two modes consciousness and unconsciousness and misaligned, or the misalignment between you and your higher being. They are not on the same page. Use them as growth when someone triggers me. My first thought is thank you. Thank you for teaching me something I cannot see. And then I start asking myself the questions about it. Do I believe it to be true? What is that about? Where did it come from? Is this a pattern that keeps repeating? When did it start or how did it start? And how do I want it to end? I'm honest. I don't filter through it. I will drag out my journal and write about it. I will have self-actualization conversations, two way conversations between me and my higher self about it. Do I believe this to be true? Do I want this to be true? Is this my identity? Is this who I am? Is this how I want to act, react? And is this what I will tolerate? Those are choices. Are these my beliefs? Are they my values? Are they aspects of who I am? Because that's all that matters. When that trigger comes. As I said, my first thing is I acknowledge it and say thank you. And then I ask myself, is that something I want to keep, or is it something that I need to uplevel my thinking on? Do I need to change the thought process? And I do this with any negative thought as well? The last couple of days, I've had to analyze some things that have happened in my life, and I go and review. It was what I said or did. The platform of where I want to be. Is that the person that I want to be? Is that how I want others to see me? Depending on what you say or what you do, how you do it, is that the best version of me that I can be? Is that who I choose to be? Or is that someone that someone else has made me become? So I asked about it. I looked into the trigger. I looked into the reaction and I asked myself again if it happened next time. Would I be the same? And the answer simply for me this time is yes, I would be. I would do the same thing. I would defend what I stood for. Because that's what I choose and I'm happy with that. Some people may not be, but that's not my problem. But these are factors that many of us won't have true healthy conversations about. What are your beliefs? What are your own values? What do you stand up for? What are you willing to fight for? What is the ground that you hold? These triggers can help you identify them. They can help you see exactly what's important to you. Do you get pulled back into the same situation in the same moment of where you were? Do you stop there or do you fly off the handle, overreact, and become someone that you don't like? Choosing your reaction is the most powerful part of becoming an overcoming these bad patterns and behaviors. Taking a pause. Taking a moment to think before you're pushed into overreaction. Sitting with the discomfort of it. Choosing differently if you feel what you chose the first time felt wrong. When we're looking at relationships, when we are looking at going into friendships or connections with family members. The moment we start to draw that line in the sand and become no longer the people pleaser that everyone knows us to be. This is where our relationships change, and people will blame us for standing our ground, for not putting up with what we've always tolerated. For growing balls, as they say. For standing up for your own rights. That's normal. That is not wrong. And it's not new. It's the way it's meant to be. Stand in your convictions. And when your body is activated during these processes. And you become the default pattern of the overreaction, the snap, snappy, cranky, angry person that you can become. There are the moments where you need to stop, slow your breathing down, ground yourself, and give the system a simple minute before choosing how you reply. Choosing whether this is the best outcome for you. You want to choose aligned outcomes. Peace. Serenity. Not necessarily the familiar. Our body is programmed to create familiar, and for many of us, familiar is not the same as safe. You have to remember that safe is also not the same as a blind. You need to choose what safe is for you and align sometimes can be totally uncomfortable. It can make you squirm in your seat. It can make you question who you are. But the more you hold it, the more you embody it. The more you embrace it, the safer it becomes. Because that aligns with who you're becoming, not who you've been. So many of us stay in situations, in relationships, in jobs, in friendships, in families that are dangerous to us. Now everyone takes danger as the physicality of it, of being physically hurt. Mental and emotional abuse is more damaging than broken bones and being hit. I'm not saying either one is good, but they both have very lasting impacts and our body creates reaction to those hits. Now, for those who have been in domestic violence or violent situations where they've taken the physical blow, your body is prepared for that. You get to see it. You flinch when things are thrown your way. But the emotional and the mental blow can be just as devastating. And you have to take control and learn how to schematically settle yourself down. Create harmony within your body. There are techniques that you can use. Breathwork is fantastic. Yoga is another amazing tool. Simple somatic exercises because trauma holds within our body. That's the flinch. That's the fight or flight. That's the reaction and the fear that sits within us. And there are the reasons why we choose to stay, why we don't say no to people that hurt us, why we don't walk away from drama and trauma, why we make excuses for them rather than standing up for ourselves. Why we think excitement is fun. It's not. It's terrifying. And your inner child is bleeding and crying and traumatized. But many of us won't go back and heal it and gather it back and define or redefine safe and security. We won't change the patterns. We won't give ourselves permission to demand better, to deserve better, to become better. No one deserves to be belittled. Put down to me. To fear themselves. To be with people who don't see their greatness. But the first person that has to rise up for it is you. If this episode has hit you, I want you to take a second and be totally honest with yourself. What pattern or patterns are you still holding onto that are hurting you? Awareness is your first step and action is your next. If you want support in breaking these patterns properly, this is the work. Exactly what I do inside. Shine with shadows. You don't have to keep going in these circles. Everything you need is already inside of you. Sometimes we need help accessing it. You deserve the world. Safety and security matter. Your nervous system is counting on you to find that peace within. And don't you deserve loving, healthy, happy relationships that build you up, not pull you down, that inspire you to become everything you can be, that encourage you and uplift you and make you the best version of you that you can. I hope this episode has helped you, and please share it with someone that may need to hear it. Until next time.