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Speak Friend and Enter is a weekly discussion on all things Lord of the Rings hosted by friends Lydia & Stephanie. Come along with us as we explore the world of Tolkien through deep dives, read-alongs, and laugh-alongs.
Hi there, I'm Stephanie. We are excited to have you as a new friend on this journey with us. Welcome to Speak Friend and Enter a Lord of the Rings podcast. Hi guys, welcome back.
We're excited to chat with you today. We are going to be talking about characters from Lord of the Rings and what they would be like, what modern day jobs they would have in the present day. In the year of our Lord 2024. Yes, exactly.
How would they survive in this economy? Perfectly, I would say it. The way we've been doing this is we've kind of been doing like, here's a prompt, here's a scheme, here's an idea, run off with it.
We don't really consult each other. Steph may have taken this a different direction than I did. So I'm interested to find that out. So Steph, what direction did you take this?
What was your angle on it? Yes, so I stuck very hard to, I did the fellowship and then I did a couple of extra characters. And I was like, if this person existed today, what would their career or profession be? And I brainstormed kind of a couple for each character that I thought really fit their personality. But that's kind of where I went with it.
I did something similar-ish. What I kind of mind was, if this person were in the modern day and we wanted to preserve the art of their character, what would that look like? What genre would that story be? I was almost thinking, if we were filming movies, what would this be? So I've got like a genre movie for each one of them and then kind of like a quick sketch of like the events that would happen.
I love that. Because I bet we have a lot of the same character. Should we go character by character?
And I can like give a little jobs, you can give their whole story arc and we can kind of flesh them out. I did five or so. So I don't know if you have this guy on your list, but he's my favorite. So I just said to myself, who are my favorites? So Fayaden is my number one. Do you have him on yours?
He's so good. I don't have him on mine, but just off the top of my head, I feel like Fayaden, he would have to be still some kind of horse lord, right? Like I can see him ruling the ranch. Don't you think? I like that. Cattle rancher? I don't know why I didn't say that for me.
Okay. What was your version for him? So I was thinking of him as, so the genre of his movie is, have you seen the genre? I don't even know what to call it. It's movies about corporations. So it's like the social network. It's the founder stuff like that, right? So it's going to be that vibe with a tiny, tiny bit of feel good. Okay.
So Fayaden, it's the year of our Lord, 224. He is a depressed CEO of a large but failing company. He's estranged from his daughter. Everything is bad. No good insight. He has his midlife crisis. If something happens, therapy and fitness saves him. All of a sudden he's looking 20 years younger. Maybe he knows we're the worst.
I don't know. He returns to work invigorated. He pivots the entire company to a new theme and gives rousing battle speeches to his sales department. The company becomes a unicorn. He is then blinded by, he's blindsided by corporate politics and is ousted as CEO.
But he dies happy knowing he has left everything to his daughter. Oh my gosh. This story is so intense. I love it.
That's what I came up with. I thought, how do we like get this whole, you know, I'm like, I'm a bad teen. I'm derelict in every sense. Then I have dandals slam my senses back into me plus 20 years of life.
Then my son dies like all these bad events. I was just thinking more about his overall art and that's, that's kind of like the gist of what I came up with. I was like, I feel like this is the way it would play out. With a little bit of redemption at the end. I like that. Just a little bit. I love that. He spites the board of trustees by like giving everything to his daughter or something.
I don't know how business law works. Oh, I like it. But yeah, that would say you'd like it.
I'm assuming that you have a Aragorn on your list. Yes, I do. All right. I'm going to give you my little, um, little snippets and then you can flush each character out. But yeah, if you, if you have one that I have, then I'll definitely match you on it.
Okay. I should say also, well, I feel like him and Boramir have to kind of fit in in some way. But when I was thinking of Aragorn and his Boramir, like his half brother, the redheaded stepchild, that would be a good take too.
But I, maybe I'll do Boramir next and we'll have to talk about it that way. But okay. So Aragorn and his Strider days, there's, it has to be, he has to be a park ranger because he literally was called a ranger, right?
Yes. So park ranger, or I feel like those people that you just see backpacking around like doing good works in people's yards, but they kind of look like a hippie. In mine, I made him a wildlife survival teacher.
Oh, amazing. I could totally see that. And he's super friendly, very like unassuming, but then, you know, obviously towards the end of his, his arc, you realize he's like the sun. I'm getting, I'm getting like Bruce Wayne vibes.
Yeah. He's like the son of this corporate dynasty. He's secretly the Prince of England. Something wild there. Yeah. Yeah.
Very good. And that's kind of all I had, but I feel like Boramir will flush him out. No, I like that. But yes, you go.
I like that. So for me on Aragorn, I thought, all right, the arc of Aragorn, what, what type of genre are we looking at here? And there's only one genre for him. It's romance. What? Yes, absolutely. He's 100% starring in a romance film.
And here's why. He is a wildlife survival. Oh my gosh.
A hunter and an orphan. He's surprisingly educated. He speaks four languages.
He falls in love and gives up his wild ways to move to the big city. So I thought it was funny. Really? Which he does.
Like he's basically Ranger and then he moves to Gondor. That's true. That's true. Anyways, I just, I just love that because it's such the opposite of like a hallmark where it's like the bitch city girl moves to the small town and marries the lumberjack. He's the lumberjack that's moving to the big city to marry the extremely rich heiress, is my plan. Oh, oh.
I think he either marries rich or he comes into an inheritance because previously in his former, you know, previous life, he was content with making very little. Yes, I love that. Or so that was my thought for Eredor's like, what would he, what like, I guess modern tropes would he fit into? I think that sounds perfect or I could potentially see like marrying into some kind or oh, he, because he's such a good person, he cares about public service. He runs for office and decides to change the town that has been struggling. Exactly.
He's like, we need to be the change we want to see in the world. I like this. I like this. Yeah, that goes straight into his political ambitions. Excellent. But he's a reluctant runner.
Somebody makes him run because there are no other options. We need you. Yes. Excellent. Okay.
Very good. I have to go in with Boramir next because I feel like this is actually my favorite sketch that I came up with. So Boramir, I feel like I was like, okay, there has to be some kind of tie to this very encompassing family business that he's like, I can't see my family business fail.
My dad's depending on me, but it's also my dad is crazy, extremely toxic. And so a couple of things came to mind. One was the show succession, right? Okay. Where it's like, okay, there's this corporation who's going to inherit the corporation.
I need to make sure the corporation is healthy. I'm doing everything that my dad tells me to, right? But then I had my dad is also the worst. But then I also, and then there's that brother who the dad never likes.
It doesn't want to give anything to you. But then I also was like, or what if the family business is the mafia because it's like this crime Lord, I don't know, vibe because it's so toxic. Or maybe it became corrupt, right? This business became corrupt and Boramir doesn't like that it's corrupt, but there's such this importance of continuing the business.
He's trying to do that. And then Aragorn comes back and I don't know who he is, but Boramir is like the son of a board member or something. But then Aragorn is like the family member that could be CEO. And so Aragorn comes in and he's like, okay, we're going to wipe everything clean. We're going to make, we're going to grow this business.
Kind of like you were saying with you did like a unicorn, but we're going to be 100% honest now. No more, no more crime Lord vibes. So anyway, it just occurred to me that I forgot the most important character of Lord of the Rings. What would the one ring be doing in 2024? We'll consider that at the end. That's a big question.
Let's think about that. I don't have Boramir. My next one is Galadriel. Do you have her? I do. I have something. Yeah. I do.
Okay. My thing for Galadriel, she 100% in my mind is a politician. Like when she goes to like, you would have had a dark instead of a dark Lord, you would have had a queen.
Right? Like she's very much like, oh my gosh, I could let this power corrupt me. But she's trying to be good with it. And so part of me also thought like maybe she's working because she's keeping it in check.
You know what I mean? Like she's out to serve the people. So maybe. She's a functional alcoholic. In that sense. So she's, you know, in places of authority, but she's out to serve the people. So I was like, maybe she's some kind of like, you win leader, but really, you know, if she really went wild, she would covet being, I don't know, the president of something and going, going crazy.
But. So maybe she's like the director of the department of transportation and like secretly wants to be president. She wants to rise up the ranks. Yeah. So I just see collateral as like a very insightful, wise, good doer, right?
For the community. She has authority, but also she's like a little prone to get drunk on some power. So I don't know the politician vibe is what I was saying. I had a thought about the lateral being in position power being in position of authority, but I didn't take it the politician route. I kind of thought, okay.
What's like a, I guess I was thinking more small states. So for this one, the movie that unspooled in my head was what if we're in the genre of movie of using these like the school reform stories where it's like, we've got a really bad school and it's time to like, you know, fix it up or whatever. She's not going to be the, the inspiring fixer upper character. She is going to be the rich, eccentric recluse professor. Oh, I love a good professor. She teaches because she wants to not because she needs money.
She's already made money in some secret mysterious way that nobody knows about. Obviously, have you, I don't know if you had this on your campus, but you guys had a rate my professor. Yes, yes. Yeah. She definitely gets the hot chili pepper. She gets the chili pepper. On rate my professor. She gives advice to promising and budding students, but only in riddles. But, and she's also slightly terrifying, which I, And she's slightly terrifying. Yeah. So she's that slight terrifying for voting professor.
You never know what you're going to get. But I see her as eventually she retires and hands the reins over to the next generation. So, you know, by the end of the story, there's that moment of, I've passed my test. I give it off. So that's, that's why I saw her.
I thought it was cute. I love that. I love that. I love both stories for her.
Excellent. Who else do you have? I have Saruman and Frodo. Oh, I have Frodo, but I don't have Saruman. So you, you run with that. Do, do some of your other ones that you don't, that I don't have. Oh, okay.
Let's see. I have basically the fellowship, all of the fellowship. And then I have Gollum and Arwen. I hope you have that. Excellent.
And trust me that you put the nets to each other. Here's my extras. Liz, you do the fellowship, then we'll trade off a bit.
And I do want to hear Gollum and Arwen. Okay. Let me do the fellowship. And then we should talk about the one ring because we gotta do a little brainstorm now that one. Okay.
So let me launch into my others. So Legolas. I had to think a little bit about this one because I'm like, man, what is he not good at? Like he would be a sniper. He could.
For sure. There's no other. What do you're a L-F-I-C? No, just like a regular soldier, a sniper.
Well, maybe an assassin. I don't know. That's also cool. Okay.
But this is the thing. I feel like he's so handsome. He's so charming. He could be so, he could do so many things.
So I was just struggling to think about. You're gonna make him a model, huh? A male model.
But this is what I thought. He is a professional snowboarder. That is the vibe that I get from him, right? With his beautiful hair. With his one shield. He takes off. Yeah. He takes off his helmet and he like shakes his hair. You know what I mean? And he's handsome, but he's really athletic. And so all the girls are like, oh my gosh, he's both things. You know?
I don't know. So I was seeing him as a professional snowboarder. Whatever he is, he would be a celebrity in his chosen profession. I choose to believe he is a celebrity sniper. Yeah.
Known for his fantastic good looks. How many of those are there? I don't know. But let's go look them up. Okay.
Also, okay. This is a little less favorite than the professional snowboarder, but I thought he saves people. He's really good looking. So I was like, maybe a fireman. Like a fireman? Yeah.
Nice. But it's like, people kind of swoon over him. So that was another thought. The only problem with that is that he normally wears very form-fitting clothing. Yeah.
And the firefighter must wear the bulky clothes. Bulkie. So maybe not.
No one will know about his slender form. I know. I know. Oh no.
It'll be one of those nude fireman calendars. What? Oh wow. Yeah.
This is what's happening. You made him a fireman and he's doing the charity calendar and that's where he becomes the celebrity fireman. That's where he becomes the celebrity. Yeah, exactly.
So those were my thoughts for like a loss. I love that. That's awesome. Oh, should I go? Yeah. Let me finish up. Yeah.
No, keep going. Gimli. Gimli had so many options. I feel like he is just a delightful personality. But I was thinking initially Lumberjack because of the axe, obviously Dwarves are excellent miners, so he could go with the mining.
You could go into some kind of oil industry. Yes. Something.
Yeah. But I kind of liked him as I was thinking about it being a jeweler because I feel like I've gone into some jewelry stores, especially in like different random nooks and crannies in big cities. And you look at the guy at the counter and you look at him and say, he is not sage enough. He does not have enough gray in his beard. Well, and then some of them. Or doesn't have a beard. That have a lot, a lot, a lot of gray and you're like, whoa, but they have so much wisdom.
You know, I could just see Gimli behind the counter going in and out, looking at a beautiful jewel and like telling you why it was so, so of value. But then also getting extremely grumpy with you when you're like, wait, that's the price and he'd be like, excuse you. Of course that's the price.
Of course that's the price. I have two options for Gimli. Just off the top of my head here. So option number one, MMA fighter, heavyweight champion. No, actually I could totally see that. The way he bench press a dead ward and a life ward and Eric or anything. He was like, that was like 800 pounds.
That's absurd. I guess we could put him into powerlifting. So he's some kind of weightlifting or MMA champion. He's undefeated. Oh, I can see that.
His tilt count is like whatever the tilt count is in the movies, right? His fight. Okay. Okay.
I was going to say kill count. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So we could either go that route or, and I know he's not meant to be the funny character and that was kind of played off in the movies, but stand up comedian. What? Talking about his woes with his bros. Cause he's got a lot of drama in the fellowship. He's got a lot of drama in the fellowship. He's got a lot of funny stories to tell. And he does get a lot of the funny comments, like a funny, funny dialogue and funny remarks.
I love that. I could definitely see the fighter and then I would love to see him on the comedy. The thing is that I think he's too proud.
I think he's too proud to be a comedian. It would have to be like accidental. Like it would be, yeah, it would have to be somehow accidental.
It would totally right. It would be his friends go to like everyone, the fellowship goes to like a bar and it's like open mic tonight, but nobody tells dimly. He's just like, I try to get those people off the, off the mic. They're telling stupid things and then Ludwig shows him up there and says, the topic is such and such, which it isn't. But yeah, it's got to be, it's got to happen by accident to him. I love that. I could totally see it. Okay.
Well, next up I have my favorite character Gandalf. And I feel like initially the first thing that came to mind was a hundred percent career counselor or maybe a bit of a therapist, someone who's like not afraid to show you some tough love and like tell you when you're being an idiot, right? Like kind of kicks you out the door. Like, okay, you need to start moving on with your life on with the adventure. I got a little bit of like, who is actually wise and knows what's out there for you.
Right? It's good advice. I got a little bit of professor vibes, but also he can like cut up a rug.
You know what I mean? Like, I feel like he would totally be at the Taylor Swift concert, like dancing. I don't know.
Cause I saw him dancing in the Shire at Bibles party. That's true. That's true.
For Gandalf, the one that comes to mind for me is the only industry where I've ever seen beers as long as his. Oh. And that is software engineers above age 55. Oh my gosh. I, they literally call them graybeards.
No. Because they all have fricking Gandalf beers. Yeah, I'm not even kidding. Usually they're like, if you look up Linux graybeards, yeah, you'll get a bunch of photos and it's a bunch of dudes with like beers as long as Gandalf and they're all just masters of Linux.
They're doing stretchy things all the time. It's very funny. So I think Gandalf would be a white hat hacker.
No. Or black hat, but probably, probably white because he's Gandalf the white. So yeah, white hat hacker for Gandalf. Oh my gosh. And also sometimes they call themselves wizards and like all that stuff. I love that. That's amazing. What's next, what's next?
Okay, Bill Bow. I feel like this one is very obvious. For the Hobbits, I didn't have as much fleshed out of a story, more just like a vibe or a thought. But Bill Bow, I feel like 100%, he's an author, right? He writes his story. He's very engaged with it.
He leaves his book behind a photo. You win that one 100%. There's no other option. He has to be a writer, right? I guess the only other option is landed gentry where his hobby is writing.
Of course, of course. Which is the same thing, which is exactly what he is. But I kind of love that Gandalf, like because we associate him with such bookish pursuits, I love that Gandalf is like, no, you're a thief now. You're coming on this big adventure. Oh my gosh. Yeah, he's going to be, oh, I like this. He's not just an author. He is an autobiographer. Or a biographer. And notationally, an autobiographer. And in his autobiography, he talks about his criminal past for the first time.
And he only gets to talk about it because the statute of limitation has finally passed. Oh, I like it. I like it. And he releases it and it's a huge bestseller.
Yes, of course. What would Bill Bow steal in the modern day? His feel? No, what would he steal? Oh, what would he steal? Well, jewelry, of course, right? Jewelry, okay. Like a jewelry. He would be a famous jewel thief or a now famous jewel thief.
But what's the why behind it? Gandalf wouldn't encourage him to steal jewelry? No, because he would. Gandalf, the career counselor who looks at him and says, you could be a really good thief. I don't know. Maybe Gandalf's not entirely white hat.
Oh, or I was thinking so. The dwarves have a good, they're going to take back their home. Wait, yeah, this is it. This is Bill Bow is stealing art and other fine goods from people who have stolen them from museums. Oh, excellent. Right? So he's stealing them back and putting them back in the public domain or public museum or whatever.
He's into and finds his own. Art and fine goods is stolen all the time. I guess, yeah. That's so funny. I don't know about jewels, but I know art gets stolen all the time for private collections. You have to assume the same thing that is for is happening in jewels, which means that there was once upon a time a man named Smog who had stolen a bunch of jewels and Bill Bow had team went to go get them back. I could totally see it.
I could totally see it. It's all coming together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excellent.
Okay. Frodo, I think you said you have some stuff for Frodo. I have Frodo. The thing Frodo is tricky for me because all I can see is Elijah Woods, Pensive Eyes.
When I think about Frodo. He's been captivated. So I was trying to think of his character, but really it just came like he just seems so solemn to me.
And so I feel like philosophy, poetry, like he takes a little bit of a homage from Bill Bow, but he writes soulful stuff, you know, like the stuff that's kind of like you read and you're like, whoa, this is a little. And you never want to read again. It's too much.
It's a little airy fairy, but like, I don't know. And like he just thinks a lot. Maybe he thinks a little too much about the deep questions of life, you know, that's kind of what I'm considering. Like a philosopher, poet.
Okay, very good. Um, for this one, my thought was he is the star of a medical drama. Oh, um, slash feel good. Uh, he's Yana and tear free and everything is going great in his life. Lots of things to look forward to, but then he is diagnosed with cancer. Oh, that's brutal.
Yes. So I think, I think the story basically charts all that pain and the trauma, the surviving, but then you have like all these feel good moments of like his community, the fellowship rallying around him and then best friend Sam and like everything like that, getting through the tough times together. And then in the end, he ultimately recovers. He survives.
He's got a little bit of chronic issues though. So like the whole, the end has to be like a little bit bittersweet, but it's really just a story about the power of friendship and like coming together to help each other. Oh, I do like that.
Cause I do think that's very perfectly the arc in the movies. Yeah. It's not a curbier, but it is a thing he's doing. It is what he's doing in the modern day. He is suffering just like he is in the book. We're all like, he's just sad.
He's just sad here. Okay. Sam, I feel like I had to go Gardner like he loves it. That's a tough one. I wouldn't, I wouldn't have anything else to add there. It would definitely be gardening.
It would be gardening. He is such a good friend though. Like whatever he was doing, he would be such a good friend, such a good dad, such a good husband. Like he's just a loyal person and all the relationships in his life is like the vibe I get. Yeah.
Yeah. I feel like Sam would be like a comedy on TV, like a TV comedy, but he's like his life. Yeah, but he's the best friend. Like he doesn't give off main character energy. Does he to you? Definitely not. He's definitely not that way. Yeah. So I feel like it's like a funny comedy TV show, but he is the best friend character for sure. Yeah, I like that. And he's a Gardner.
That's his big job. But they all hang out at the pub. So like the entire like sitcom takes place in the pub. Yes. 100%. I could totally see that. The only way we know he's a Gardner is because every once in a while he walks in and there's like a leaf in his hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
On his hands or something like this. I could actually upgrade. I could upgrade the landscape architect, I think.
That sounds about right. His own landscaping company. Him and all his friends make unreasonable amounts of money.
They're living in high-rise apartments just like in every sitcom. They all have like, you know what it is? It's so funny.
Like none of those sitcoms make their characters appear to have jobs. It's very funny. I know.
Okay. And my, my Pippin and Mary, they kind of, they kind of go along with Sam. That they're, I, it was, I was really struggling to figure out what they could be, but this is the thing. Pippin and Mary always seemed to have a little bit of mischievous vibe to them. And so I thought maybe Pippin and Mary work for Sam and his landscaping company, but Pippin, and I mean, Mary's got to know farms marijuana and it sells it on the side.
Secretly a drug producer. Yes. Excellent. So Sam is still giving like really strong best friend energy. Pippin is one of the main characters. And Mary's kind of like, you shouldn't be doing that. You know what I mean? Like he's aware, but he's also a little more nervous because I feel like that's Pippin's, or Mary's energy is to be the little more nervous one. Yes, I love that.
For Mary and Pippin, I looked at them and think they're in a band. Oh, yes. You know, it's semi successful. They've got a little bit of competition amongst themselves. They're like slightly competitive. They're brothers or twins or something. They have family relation, cousin. And yeah, that would also just glide right into them, smoking a lot.
So maybe he can still be farming the marijuana on the side. And then I looked at them and think they love to sing. And I think Pippin is the lead singer. Yeah. Yeah.
I could see that. Amazing. Okay. That's all I had for the fellowship.
Awesome. Give me dolem. Golem. Okay.
I had two fives for golem. One is a pawn shop operator. Awesome. Where you bring him. Stevie as all heck.
Yes. You bring him like. He hovers over things.
Yeah. And he like sips through all the goodies that you brought him. And that's how he found the ring, right? He found a jewel, a gem amongst all the other crap that people bring him. So that's the pawn shop operator. The second one is a hobo living on a river boat.
That's where I was going to go. He does not have a house. There's no place in this world where he has one. I was picturing like some kind of man, like he hobbled together some kind of shack, but it's on a boat, like on a platform on the river, you know, because he was one of the river folk.
And so, yeah, no, actually, I love that. Is there a place where this would happen? Does he have to live somewhere super stretchy? I was thinking, okay, I've been watching a lot about river boats in the UK and apparently they have canals all over. So I thought he's probably just like, oh, that would be cool.
Made this little shack on a canal somewhere. Cool. I love that. So that was my thought process for him. Yeah.
That's super good. I don't think I have any strong visions for him because unfortunately I just, I don't know. I guess the only other thought I have for Gollum that fits modern day is Sushi connoisseur slash critic. He's all about that. Oh, he loves the fish. He loves the fish. That's good. That's what gels for me, but he's so hideous.
And maybe that's what we're going into. It's like, he's the most famous food critic. He's also so unsightly and such a dreadful eater.
You have to give him a private booth in your restaurant. Actually, you know what I could see for him is like a story. It's basically kind of like a biography of this boy who like this, we're going totally completely off the Lord of the Rings story, but just what I'm envisioning this boy.
Yeah. Who's like grows up in poverty, doesn't have a lot. And then suddenly, I don't know, he realizes he has this talent or this skill and gets brought into all of these kitchens and he starts by being like the garbage boy and then he climbs up and then now he's a food critic. And as a food critic, but his taste is like very select.
Like very select. You know how he can't eat Elvin food, right? So he only likes certain things. And also like, even though he's made it and he has this sense of success, people still kind of look at him and he's a little bit awkward and he has this like, he doesn't fit in. He doesn't fit in and he has this feeling of like anger almost or like, like possession over his career because it's like the thing that gave him his, I don't know, a life away from growing up. He's got to have a one ring. He's got to have some kind of obsession.
He has something he's obsessed with. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe it's food. Maybe it's something else.
But yeah, he's got to have that creepy bang. Something going on. Yeah. Yeah. Excellent. Well, good. I wish Golan luck in his career.
Sounds like he's pain-read. And then. Did you, did you say you also had Arwen? I had Arwen and for her, it was really simple for me. I was just thinking about like all of the healing moments and also the moments where she was like showing up in air, orange dreams or she was doing things that felt very nurturing and like trying to take care of the people around her and like push them towards the right decision. So I was thinking like a doctor for her, someone who's like very interested in the care of her patients, I guess.
She just has such calm, peaceful vibes too. I feel like that could really fit. What do you think? Yeah, I like that. Well, I don't have strong thoughts on Arwen.
Nothing's coming to mind right now except she has to be a rich heiress to fit with my airborne story. Yes, I did like that. I thought that was fun. I guess the other option is like, you know, we were talking about how whatever Leblis does, he would be a celebrity.
Yeah. Because of his stunning good looks. And since Arwen is also awesomely beautiful, I feel like it would be really funny for her to be this amazing, caregiving doctor who is like a celebrity but doesn't know it. So she's like showing up places and like patients are injuring themselves to get into her ward. I don't know. It'd be very funny. You know something else that I hear about her? She should be in a comedy.
It's like amazing. I was like an heiress. I was thinking like, oh, maybe like some nobility or royalty. I thought of Princess Diana. And I feel like that could totally give Arwen Baezer.
She's just like this person that the people love. You know what I mean? Yes. I don't know. Who's a philanthropist.
So she could be a philanthropist. Okay. Who else did you have? Do you have anyone else? I am done with my list.
I did want to ask you, if you have others, let's do them. But I also wanted to ask you, what would the one ring be up to in the modern day? What would the one ring look like? Like if it wouldn't take the form of a ring.
Okay. I think it would have to still be a circular shape, but it would only be circular shapes that cause pain. If I know the ring, it would only be circular shapes that cause pain.
So like those little elastics that always get stuck in your hair and you have to pull out half your head. That would be something the ring would be into. I want to like get clever and say the ring is not a ring.
It's not a circle. It's just something that people get wildly possessive over. And there's just so many things in the modern day that people get wildly possessive over.
But I think the number one thing is like, maybe this is just, I don't know, maybe this is weird, but I think like people get really possessive over like their cell phones or like, you know, it's just something you keep with you. It's like always with you. You look at it all the time. You hover over it like this. You stroke the screen.
You stroke the screen. It wants adoration. It sure does. So yeah, I guess the internet, like just like these, like, I don't know, maybe, maybe it's just me, maybe I love the internet a little bit too much, but things like that, that's the vibe that the One Ring gives me. One Ring is like some horribly addictive social media site. Yeah. Because in the Ring form, it definitely has pull over people in its proximity, mostly the person who's carrying it, but it can pull people in the proximity.
But I think it would love to be in a situation where it could reach more people, you know? Right. Oh my gosh, that's it too.
Yeah. It's, yes, it would want to infiltrate the internet. It would be some kind of virus.
It would be some kind of virus. Yeah. Where it's like, yeah, something that you're seeing or doing that it can get to you. And some kind of computer virus. Yeah.
Like reaches through and seizes your computer or slips into your phone and does sneaky things. Wild, wild. Nice work, Rhina.
Influxes your mind. Yeah. I love it.
I'm trying to think if there's anything else that would be good. Man. So Sauron actually, I think we missed a huge thing.
That's true. What is Sauron doing in the modern day? And I also have one for Saruman. Excellent. Yes. Let's do that. All right. We'll do Saruman first.
So Saruman, I looked at him and I thought, all right, what's going on here? Clearly we're having some kind of corruption arc and I think the genre is environmentalist documentary. Oh, the ends. Yes. Yes.
And what we have here is a hippie turned industrialist. Oh. Usually it doesn't go that way.
It doesn't usually go that way. So it'll be a novel. It'll be a novelty.
And in fact, nobody believes it at first. But in fact, he is accepting some kind of payoff or a bribe and he's allowing some serious problems like deforested, like real deforested deforestation. Can't speak today. There's pollution. There's all kinds of things. He's mining. He's doing strip mining. Whatever he's doing, it's bad stuff. And he's trying to cover it up. And when the cover up fails, he goes like full nuclear.
I did his accusers. And then ultimately he ends up dying in a freak lodging accident using his own equipment. And that feels good. So funny. Okay, I have to admit, this is probably not the best image, but when you were saying that, I was like, then who are his orcs, right?
Oh good. Who are they? I thought of the poor little duck's covered in oil. Have you seen those Don commercials? I have. I have. Yes. That's awesome. The army of ducklings covered in oil.
His army of small forest critters covered in oil. Excellent. Okay. I forgot I had sarumon.
So that's the last one I had. But you were thinking sarron. Yes, because we're talking about the ring. He was not hiding his evil. Yeah. He's not hiding his evil at all though.
Yeah. But in the movies, if we're going off of movie sarron, he's definitely not in a place where he's out in the open living his best life. He's kind of in a subdued form. But everyone is terrified of him. But everyone's terrified. They're all worried that, okay, this is interesting because everyone is worried that sarron is going to notice them. So he's got to be in some position of power where if you're noticed by him, yeah, kind of like that. Like he's either a dictator or he's some kind of sensor who's going to like put you in Facebook jail for saying the wrong thing or, or I don't know.
I don't know what they do on Instagram. Maybe something like that. There's got to be some kind of like, he's got powers of control.
And if the, the one ring is on the internet, maybe he is too. I don't know. Actually, I think some kind of dictator, I mean, they were talking about this with tick talk, like could tick talk infiltrate all of our, our political elections and everything, right? So anyways, but I'm just thinking if he's a conspiring dictator, right? And he uses the internet and he uses the one ring to infiltrate people's minds.
This is how he gets his power. Okay. Okay. And everyone's somehow terrified of him, but I'm not sure why yet. Maybe.
Yeah. I'm not sure why, but I like dictator. This fits him because he's not, because the thing is he's like bald about it. Like at this stage and like the Lord of the Rings, he's not hiding anything.
That's true. He's not putting on a pretty face. He's out there. He is what he is. Everyone knows what he is.
He's summoning his armies. Like should be pretty clear. The oil, the oil splatter ducklings. Yes. Exactly. Okay. I like that. Excellent. Do we cover them all?
I think that was a really good, that was a really good go. I'm trying to think, is there anyone else that we're like, oh, we would definitely want to see this person in the modern day live in their life. I'm trying to think, honestly, I would love to see almost all these characters in the modern day.
There's a few I would, I would keep out. Oh, Aowyn. I feel like we did Arwen and Galadriel, but what would she be up to? I haven't done Aowyn. Aowyn is for sure a horse girl. I feel that.
I feel that. But is she a horse girl because she grew up with horses and loves them or is she a horse girl because there's nothing left in her life and she has no other hobbies? I don't know. She has to fight the sadness. She definitely is in a boarding school. She's a stranger from her family. Because I was picturing like she wants to take over the ranch from Theoden. But then Theoden's like, no, I got my son, I got your brother. Yeah, there's got to be some level of estranged men at first. She's trying to prove herself and be like, no, they're not good at being ranchers.
That's true. Like Uncle Theoden is me. Maybe this is like, maybe this is like the story of Secretariat where it's like the girl who's got like the really fast horse and she needs to prove stuff. I could see that. Let's see. What else could I see for her?
She just seems like, no, I should be the one to take like in here at the ranch. Like I'm good at this. My brother and your son are not that great.
They're trash. It's a man's job. No, it's not. Yeah, exactly. It's a horse's job.
This is my goal. OK, so what's her moment though, when she faces down the witch team? What's the equivalent? Is this the other ranch owner who is trying to buy up their land? Yeah, or the big corporation that's coming for the land. Soremond's coming for the land.
Soremond is coming for the land. Actually, that works strangely well. His minion. I guess it should be Sauron's minion, but yes, somebody a bit bad. Yeah, I like that. I could be interesting. I could see her like, can you kind of like see the actor in like, you know, ranch clothes, I could only see that. I feel like yeah, I think that's what she's on her. Yeah.
Can't cook right from that. Yes, yes. Excellent. Oh, my gosh, she's out with all the Cowboys on her first like trying to make a show like field work, making the chili and no one can eat it. Yeah, nice.
And then they all say, yes, yes, very good. We need to do a. We never gonna do the books, a do some accounting.
We'll miss you on the next field trip, though. Yes, exactly. Maybe it's a cattle ranch. Yeah, that's what I'm getting.
That's what I'm feeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A cattle ranch.
Yeah, very nice. Yeah, where there's the other Cowboys. Is Eragorn one of the hot Cowboys, but he has another love.
Eragorn, you know, he's he's backpacking. He's get picking up work where he can. I think he comes and like works on the ranch every once in a while. Every few months. So come in and like make some money.
And she's like, dang, and break some hearts and break some hearts. OK, but then where where is Faramir and how is he showing his quality? Faramir. He's injured. He's injured by one of the titles during one of the runs. Well, because he's in the mafia corrupt company. Yes. Oh, my gosh, he's the son of the other corporation that's trying to take over. Oh, my goodness. Yes. Wait, so.
Yes, this is. So there's got to be like some kind of like enmity initially. Yes, he is injured and then she takes care of him. Or maybe they're both injured.
Maybe there's some free hurricane because they're both technically in the house of healing. Oh, my goodness. And must be. Yeah, there's something going on there. Like maybe the company was originally like investing in these companies and helping them grow. But lately it's been like coming in. Slashing them and like turning them into something that they're not.
I don't know. OK, I see it. I see the story evolving. Yes, there's drama. There's drama. And then Faramir quits his family's companies like you guys are the worst.
And he goes and he helps everyone run the cattle ranch and he's like the finance side. Yep, excellent. Yeah, I like it. OK, all right.
Is that everyone? I think that's I think that's good for today. Very good. Very good. Excellent. Thanks for joining us, everybody. We'll call it. We'll call it. Have a good night. Bye.