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Flip the Script with Vic is a sacred space for real conversations with real women 🩷 Hosted by Victoria Nielsen—intuitive healer, mama, and space-holder for the divine feminine—this podcast amplifies women’s voices through raw interviews, intimate solocasts, and unfiltered conversations on motherhood, mysticism, psychedelics, ancestral healing, spirituality, identity, and more.
What began as a personal exploration is now a communal prayer: a gathering place for cycle-breakers, mothers, mystics, creatives, witches, and wild ones redefining what it means to be a woman in today’s world.
Every episode is an invitation to remember that your voice matters. That your truth matters. Together, we walk in beauty, become the prayer, and flip the script.
Welcome, welcome, welcome back to Flip the Script with Vic. I am so excited
this morning. This conversation is going to be real and deep and raw. And that's
really what I want the podcast to be about moving forward, less about me and more about we. So, I'm so excited. My
guest this morning, Missy McCrae, is one of my favorite humans on the planet, but
she also has such a beautiful story of redemption and really, I believe, is
such an inspiration to show you that your circumstances don't have to define you, that where you are at any current
moment can change, and that miracles can happen. And
yeah, I you've been through so much, Misty. I don't want to like take the thunder. I want you to speak for
yourself, but I'm just I'm really grateful that you're sharing your story here and that this is really the first time that you're getting to vocalize it.
So, it's an honor to be here with you. Thank you. Thank you so much, Victoria.
I see you. I feel like I'm being reborn in this moment.
You are. So I just want to thank you first of all
for giving me the space in so many ways. you have ignited and reminded me that I
have dreams and um
just that there's more to life than being alone with my child and being a
mother and and just for the last almost well for three years now I've been home and I in
a lot of ways just feel like I had lost lost any sense or hope of anything more.
And not that being a mother isn't enough, because now being one, I realize
how important it is. And and many times in these last 3 years, I have forgotten.
And I keep coming back home to what's important.
And it is my child and his well-being, but it's also my well-being.
I just got full chills because it's true. You can't you can't pour from an
empty cup. And also, we pass on our wounds to our children. And I know you
know that deeply. And you have done the work to not pass things on to your child. And I would love to talk more
about that because it's work and it's [ __ ] hard and I think it's really
scary for a lot of people, but there is so much freedom and light on the other side when you let yourself like be in
the muck and in the messiness. Like I think you're such a queen of transformation and alchemization because
you're not afraid to go there. Yeah. I feel like I live in the cocoon more than any place. Sometimes I'm like,
"All right, so source, um, can I get out of the cocoon already?" And then I get like three days
of fluttering and then I'm like right back in there again or crawling on the ground. Um, a little furry caterpillar.
And I used to think there was a time when I
I had my first real awakening, which we can talk about. I don't want to get into it just yet, but I had my first
awakening and at 24 years old and
I was innocent in my faith and I had nothing but faith. And I just remember
that at that time I thought I am going to heal or get it right,
whatever that means. And from that point forward, I'll be good.
Right? It's all done. I'm good, thanks. And then I got so far and then that
didn't ever end and it just kept going and it was like cyclical and spirals and
revisiting and new things to accomplish, acquire, learn, dig in, do
be, heal, like remember all of that. And it's been now 20 years
since August 2005 is when my first awakening was. So we're coming up on a
20-y year anniversary of just I didn't realize like that's powerful
that cycle like holy cow. And so there's cycles within the cycle for sure. But one of my messages that I
always want to share with people that are newer to the scene of you know
awakening or arriving is that it doesn't stop. It never ends. And there's also a lot of
beauty in that. But it also doesn't mean and this is something that I've learned.
Uh I have dissected myself pulled myself apart so many times and I still sometimes have a tendency to do that.
uh as if there's something to fix. M um and I always viewed myself early in
my years of awakening and healing that something was broken that I was broken
and I still sometimes have to remind myself that I'm not
you know there's always something more and then because of history or
conditioning um trauma it's always um I've always something I've always done
well and maybe too much is radical responsibility.
So, uh I've also internalized, you know, where
it's always my fault or it's always something I can do. And and it's true. It's true. But I think more than
anything, what I've learned is how we go about that like in our hearts, our intentions.
Um I used to exercise and work out. I had gained weight and
I wanted to lose the weight. so much. I'd always been around the 130, you
know, 120, 130 lbs. And I'd gotten up to 170 through a really hard time. And then
I'd finally lost to 150. And I was like really wanting to nudge. And for a solid
year, I was 151, 151. And I realized that it was um the shame is what I
it was the exterior of my shame. it was showing up on the outside of me as if
something was wrong with me and I just welled to God like please help me you
know and anyway one day I and I was working out a lot then on my off day I
would run five miles that was like when I did nothing and I was doing everything
under the sun working out you know every single day of the week and hours a day and why can't I lose this weight why
can't I lose this weight and my body was breaking down And um I finally did a yoga class.
And I had come from a very religious background. Um and especially from my
first awakening, it was very religious and innocent, but I became very
legalistic and it was just another way to beat myself up and pick myself apart.
And um I finally realized that when I sat down and did yoga, like I tuned into
something deeper than what I had ever known before.
And I realized that I was working out because I wasn't loving myself.
It was never about me loving myself. It was about me trying to shape myself into something that I wanted to be or thought
I should be. And it was that was when I came home in a new way for the first
time and and I stopped running so much. I stopped doing so much to love myself.
I learned if I'm going to exercise, I want to do it because I love myself. I want better
health. Um, I want to eat better because I love myself, not because I'm trying to
make myself something else in a very self-hatred, not good enough
kind of way. And so many women, I think, do that. This is a really important conversation because I always say you have to love
yourself enough to change. You know, you you can hate yourself through the change, absolutely, but it's going to be
miserable and then your habits probably aren't going to stick. You're going to send yourself into another, you know, shame spiral. But our bodies are so
intelligent and they remember everything and they remember even the minute ways that we talk to ourselves and we treat
ourselves and absolutely I have had that same experience where I was carrying extra weight and I couldn't lose it.
It's so funny. It was almost that exact same like after having my second child I I couldn't get below 150. I like
couldn't do it. And it's only really within the last 6 months maybe that I've been able to do it. And my child is
three, okay? Like it's been a while. But it was that exact same like I was
carrying a lot of inflammation in my body. I was carrying a lot of shame, grief, trauma, like all of it. And I had
a really big solar plexus release. And since then, the weight has come off. And
people, I think, don't always correlate your emotions and your energy to like physical energy that you're carrying on
your body. Mhm. You know, and that is a huge shift I think for for most women because, you
know, we grew up in the same kind of time, right? Like skinny is good. Skinny is is in, you know, not strong, not
you know, to support myself, to be healthy. So, you know, I think for women that are wanting to feel better in their bodies,
like do the emotional work, right? like start to go inward and start to ask why
you're carrying this stuff because a lot of it isn't ours but some of it is and
some of it is so ingrained from childhood that we don't even know it's there you know um I would love to speak
more kind of about some of the things in your childhood and in your early years I
know that were so formative for you um especially your incarceration story because I think anyone that meets you
now I mean I know the second you said it I was flabber flabbergasted. I was like, "No way. This woman like absolutely
not." U because you're so full of life and you're so vivaceious and you have grown so much since that time. Um but I
would love for you to talk more about that because I think like you said that first kind of awakening was very
different from this awakening that you are now um or that you're in now, I should say. And I would love to hear
maybe some of those differences because I think the differences come back to the body, right? and that embodiment of your
truth and of love essentially.
So my childhood was just very
uh I wanted to just make it light and be like dysfunctional. Um and I know for
sure that people have experienced worse than I but Hey, but that doesn't negate what you
went through. you know, I know, I know, I know. Um, but
my early years were very inconsistent. Um, when I was 13, I lived in I counted
that I'd lived in a hundred different homes. And, um, I was with my mom, but
um, she and her marital issues. And so, it was a
constant like, "Wake me up. Hey, Misty, let's get out of here. We got to go. your stepdad is going to be home in 30
minutes, you know. And the things that I treasured and that I loved, like I collected porcelain dolls or, you know,
even early on, like I worked and bought my own furniture for my bedroom because I wanted a specific kind. I wanted
cherrywood and I wanted it to be a certain way. And and then, you know, in
a blink of an eye with no warning, it was we got to go. um mom was having a bad day, so I already knew that I was
going to, you know, I was going to suffer that. And um I've certainly
healed a lot since then. But by the time I was in my teenage years, I was seeking
whatever fun or escape was unconsciously. And so I ended up using drugs and being
around people and things that I as a little girl, I always said I would never do those things. I would never never do
those things. It wasn't my path. And I always believed something really great,
something beautiful for myself. And it like I always had this great connection
with God. And there were no words to describe it or religious or box or
anything to put it in. I just knew God. And anyway, so I ended up, you know,
hanging out with some, you know, pretty intense drug
lords, if you will, or um anyway, so I I
met one guy and he was like, "Hey, let me take you to meet my guy because
you're so cool. Like, everybody needs to know who you are." And so I end up getting like on the top of the chain of
drug pushers and um I met one guy and he
one day put a gun to my head and asked me um I'm going to ask you about something. You better not lie to me. And
I said okay. And so he asked me about some money that had gotten stolen that I
knew nothing about. And I said, "Well, I wasn't lying to you then. I'm not lying
to you now." You know, and I used some other choice of words. And he was like, "Beep, you got some balls." And I was
like, I mean, I realize now I just maybe I had balls, but maybe I just didn't
care about living, right? And at that point, he was like, "All right, well, you're you're my ride or die then."
And I thought that was thrilling, so let's go. and it gave me something to do
anyway. So that ended up in an arrest as you can imagine and
to shorten the story is at 24 I got arrested looking at a life sentence
and I just thought well I'll just get a bond
like I did with the state and it'll all be okay. And the day that the house was
surrounded and they came to get me, at the time I thought it was for sure to get my boyfriend cuz I had been away
from everybody and everything for 3 years. I had tried to get my life different. And so it was a big
investigation that I knew nothing about. And when they picked me up that day and
I realized it was me they were taking in, there was some kind of like I had the biggest puffest puffiest chest like
like as if a weight had been lifted from me. Like I knew this was exactly what I
had prayed for a couple months before that. I had prayed and I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. This is not
the life that I want. Please help me. And I surrendered. And I'd never I didn't even know what that meant. I
didn't know what surrendering meant. I was just like I I don't know what I'm doing. And so that day when I got arrested, I was like, this is this is
what is perfectly divine timing interruption of whatever I have going
on. This is going to be my new life. Thinking of course that I would just get out and things would be different.
Um, 3 days into my incarceration, a lady by the name of Hope came and she brought
me an envelope and she was like a religious person, incarcerated person,
like in a county jail with like a dress on and she said my she was in jail with
you. Yeah. Oh, okay. It was crazy how diverse it can be. But
anyway, so she brings me this piece of paper and she says, um, this envelope and she says, "My pastor gave me this
and I feel like it's for you." And I was like, "Okay." And I could just feel the power of what was in this. And so I
opened it up and it came from Malachi 3:3 from the Bible. And it's uh he sits as a refiner and a purifier of silver.
And some women were in a Bible study curious about what this meant. And so
one woman went to watch a silver smmith at work and she watched him and he put
I'm shortening the story, but he she said she watched him to put a piece of silver over the fire where the flames
were the hottest uh to burn away our impurities. And she said she thought about God holding us in such a hot spot.
And of course I thought about myself. And then so she asked the man, "Well, how do you know that when the silver is
fully refined?" And he said, "Oh, that's easy when I see my image in it." And so, you know, like whatever you're
going through, just know that God's favor is on you and all is well. And I held on to that and I knew that was what
God was speaking directly to my heart, which was and at that time, of course, I
only knew Jesus and Christianity. And um anyway, so I held on to that like my
timing was in God's hands. And whenever I was um
when I was the image of God that I would be out of
that situation and then it took three years before I was sentenced. So for
three years I didn't know if I would spend the rest of my life in
prison or not. Wow, Misty. I mean, I knew you were
extraordinary, but wow. I'm just sitting here reminded
and and a little frustrated that women have to be brought so low to come back
to who we are because I feel like sometimes so many of us have to have this big thing happen. You had to be
incarcerated. I had to have miscarriages. And obviously they're very different, but it was that same feeling
of surrender of like I don't know what to do. So come here, help me, universe, God, whatever you are. And then for you
to have such faith and trust is huge truly because I
I don't know many other women myself included that would have been able to hold on to that hope in that situation
would have been able to hold on to that divine connection because so many of us
when things like that happen it's easy for us to become the victim. you could have totally been like, "Oh, this is all on my boyfriend." Like, "This wasn't
even me." And to your point of radical responsibility, I I think more people should follow that
tenant. That's one of the burn the Burning Man tenants actually that I learned. Um, and I think the world would be a much better place if more of us
could be radically responsible for our emotions and our actions and our feelings. And so, you know, you waited
the three years for the sentencing and and I'm sure most people listening don't even just hearing your words makes me
realize how [ __ ] up like the criminal justice system is like for 3 years that you're just like I don't know like no
clue like what the [ __ ] the fact that that can be done to people is like infuriating. What did you I mean
every day were you kind of like trying to keep a routine to keep yourself sane. Okay. Yeah. I knew uh this was an opportunity
for me to live. Uh this was not a death sentence. This
was a life sentence. Um say that wait. Say that again though. I like that.
This is not a death sentence. This is a life sentence. And I had to decide without knowing what my future would be,
what my day would be. That's all I had was that day.
And I um I was in a county jail. I was very fortunate in a lot of ways um in
comparison. I ended up in a small uh jail that um
it was kind of cozy in comparison to some of like I was in transit several
times and I was in other places and I'm so glad I didn't spend three years at some of those places. But um I
got to go outside three times a week most weeks for 2 hours. And even though it was just concrete, it was also fresh
air. It was sunlight. I could see the sky. Um I remember a little dandelion
was growing in between the cracks. And I was like, "Oh my god, there's hope." You
know, it's like even the dandelion growing in the middle of a crack of the all this concrete. Like um but I just
saw hope everywhere. And so I just made it my business to get up every single
day and I would not let anybody else clean. It was my job. It was the thing.
So every morning they would come in and they would um clank clank really loud and like bring this.
Is it is it like orange is the New Black? I mean that's what people are thinking. It is. The book actually came out when I
was in prison and people were reading it and I was like what in the hell is wrong with you people? We're already living this. you know,
I don't need to read this. It's happening right now. What are you doing? But anyway, uh it would come in. They
would come in with a mop bucket clank clank really loud and I would just very happily get up, go get it. I would clean
the whole unit when everybody came in that was new. And you know, it happened daily and sometimes the same person came
in. I think there was one lady that came in like 16 times while I was there, you know. Oh, and I just wanted to be so mad
cuz I never got the opportunity to leave and come back anyway. And when the
people would come in the door, I would greet them. I would like I would save cups and things like because we had
paper cups from like when we would get store. So I would clean them and save them and like when the new people would
come in, I would be like, "Okay." So like I would give them a little house tour. It was really small, but and I
also was kind of like these are the rules. Like this is kind of how I run things. I like live here all the time. you're probably going to leave very
soon. I'd appreciate it if you like, you know, don't stick your hand in the ice. Like, you can do it this way. I'll show
you how, you know, and I would save extra things like I was the commisser. I mean, the Oh my god, what's the word?
Not commissary. Um, I'll think of it in a second when you're
not supposed to have it. Contraband. Contraan queen.
Okay, quick fun story. Wait, so because now I want to ask cuz I'm sure everyone wants to know like how you even get
contraband in or like how you Well, anything is contraband that you're not really allowed to have, which is probably everything, right?
Which is everything. Like you're allowed to have like one toothbrush, like one stick of, you know, like you're only
supposed to have like these certain things. And of course I I would save them all
for all the new people when they would come in. I wanted them to feel at home and like they were my sisters, you know,
like this is my life. This is my life. and I want it to be well. And so it
mattered how I treated people and it mattered. I'm here. Why not do it? Like it was, you know, it gave me a reason to
give, to live, to do. Um, and just a quick fun story is, um, we made mascara
out of toothpaste and ink. And so I would get up and then I learned how to
do the threading in prison. Oh my gosh, you're going to have to thread my eyebrows for me. Right. So, like everybody would come in
and I would hook them up if they were, you know, wanting to feel pretty that day or they'd been in a while and
they've got hairs, you know, in places they don't want. And I'm like, "Here you go. Let me hook you up." And
so anyway, I made the best like you were you were a mom even then. Like you were
nurturing and mothering everyone like you're you're extraordinary. I really hope you
know that because not everyone would have acted that way in that situation at all. And I really want you
to to hold that because you're special. Like truly, I
I'm amazed at you because I don't think I would have been that nice to everybody else. I probably would have been the
absolute [ __ ] that was like, "Get out of my [ __ ] space. Like, stay away from me. Like, I'm not saving you shit."
Like so you know you're in there 3 years waiting for the sentencing. How long did
you spend in Ty and then you know I know things shifted completely you know once you got
out like the world had changed. Um so kind of talk to me through that of like what was it like coming out and and how
had your faith maybe shifted? Um yeah because I know I know it was very
different for you. I went fully trusting that everything
was working out for me. And let me just say that I every day I mean I I
certainly spiraled at times and um what was going to happen to me and just
absolutely having no control. So there was plenty of that like where there were days I always got up and did the
cleaning but then there were also days that I just you know laid in the bed and prayed. I fasted. I you know all these
things and um so I was finally sentenced to 9 years with 5 years probation which
was like the I came out of there shouting. People thought I was crazy because I was
like so happy about getting nine years but I was like are you kidding me? I could have spent my life here. So, I
ended up in FCI Tallahassee and um while I was there, I got I I had an option to
do my AA degree, but I uh don't follow the script very well. Never have. I'm
quite rebellious. And there were classes within that that I just wasn't interested in. So, I was like, I don't care about your AA. But, I did get this
business management degree and it was all about business and from Tallahassee Community College while I was there. And
you know, I just I started training and everything that every inmate, you know, was good at. And
I started sharing my story uh with uh juveniles um from Tallahassee that would
either come into the prison or we would meet them at the Red Cross and I would share my story. And um anyway, getting
out was probably one of the scariest days of my life. People are like, "Yay, you're getting out of prison and
celebrating." And it it was absolutely the scariest
thing. I was walking into a new world with a new person that had been with me
through my incarceration, but I knew this wasn't like this this wasn't like
the kind of relationship that was I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew that I had prayed and
everything in my heart told me. I knew for sure that this was where I needed to
go. And um when I got out, I just remember I was 32 years old. I was 24
when I went in. I didn't know I'm in a big city now and I come from a small town. And just navigating with a monitor
on my leg, like getting back and forth to work and um just really not wanting
people to see this monitor on my leg, working in a very like in the mall, in a public place. And
because how did people treat you? Did you feel like you were treated very differently than you were before or kind
of the same? I think I was so high on life and I shared my story with people. So I
actually would have I worked in a kiosk and I actually had people that would come and sit and wait their turn to talk
with me. Like it was the greatest thing in the world. And um but like things
that really got me like really like a lot of anxiety was like when I would go
and get gas and then I would pay for the car. I would like I didn't know if I was supposed to hand the card to someone or
if there was a machine to put it in or like I I didn't know how to operate things. Um when I went in there was no
smartphones. People were still using pagers. Um, like it was such and then
and then within myself I thought that people were going to know or people were going to think I was stupid or
you know smell it on you and be like they're just going to know it you know I realize now it was all of my own
of course of course of course of course but man and then I had no emotional support and I didn't
come from emotional support at home so it was really challenging for me I feel
like I um innocence again really got me a long
way. Um and then at some point, you know, I ended up more in my head and
trying to figure it all out myself and not good enough and in survival mode and
not knowing what to do with all these emotions. And I um have recently come full circle
I know. Let's talk more about that because when you and I met, so Misty and I met at this beautiful women's circle
here in Georgia and I just knew, you know, I think the the theme of the circle was self- loveve and we all kind
of went around and talked about like what self- loveve was to us or some practices that we had and Misty had her
beautiful son with her and you know, I just I felt such a kindred spirit in you
because you wanted that space for yourself, but then you were also trying to tend to your done and you just had
such a bright smile and such a presence and you could laugh at yourself and and share openly and you were kind of like I
don't know what the [ __ ] I'm doing but I'm here you know and like I just really resonated with that because you were so
real and I I just knew that we needed to connect in some way and since then when
was that a year ago two years ago I don't even know now but since then I feel like I have watched you blossom
even more because you've really leaned into that inward world, really trying to
figure yourself out, really trying to help yourself. And I know that journey
hasn't been easy for you. What What was the hardest, you know, transitioning obviously from prison to to normal life.
Was it as hard or harder to transition into motherhood? Oh my god, motherhood has rocked my
world. Like unbelievably, I take back everything bad or negative I ever said
about a mother. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. And for every mother or every child of a
mother listening to this, I love you. You're doing great. Keep going.
Isn't that the truth? So, I avoided motherhood. I was not
doing it in this life. I absolutely wasn't doing it. And I always said, God,
um, you know, if I like I don't want to have a kid unless I am mentally,
spiritually, socially, financially, like relation, like everything I need to be good before I ever have a kid because I
never wanted to repeat the patterns that I had worked so hard at
enduring and overcoming. And so I started doing plant medicines.
ended up in Peru. Ended up in Peru and myself and my
husband did uh quite a bit of combo and
um to make a long story shorter getting to the point here is I got pregnant. One of
the side effects of um combo kambo is um fertility. Really?
Well, I guess because it's so purifying. It's like pulling all the stuff out of your body that may be like messing with
that. So, so now I think Yeah. Now I think the whole reason I even went to Peru anyway is because God God was like, "All right,
you're ready." You know, and I still say God and
so much of my history was the singular
God. I'm I'm now learning a lot more and leaning into Goddess and and some other
things, but all of this was still just, you know, and it's cool. Anyway,
but I love I actually really love that you said that because I and this is a little sidebar, guys, but I feel like
that word can be really triggering to people. And when I came into my spirituality, I wouldn't say it. I
refused for a long time. I just said universe. And now I've come to realize like it's all the same thing.
Yeah. God, Goddess, universe, source, like whatever you want to call it, our
human brain wants to label it and give it a name, but it's all the same thing. Yeah. Um, I've learned through all of
like these 20 years of of healing just the many faces, the many books
like God, source, universe, creator is so big.
It's anyway I I'm I'm very free with whatever people want to refer to it as
and I hope others are as understanding anyway just
but so so God you know goddess universe whatever you want to call it like gave you this divine mission and said okay
it's time to be a mom. Yeah. So, I got pregnant and my husband
and I had just went through the hugest, rockiest moment. And
we were actually talking about separating and then I got pregnant and then it all
that just went away and it was just, you know, baby, we're in love, the whole,
you know, the love that a child brings. And so I was 40, had him at 41, now 44.
And um I worked really hard on reparing
myself uh just before I got pregnant, like being my own mother or you know
just um the the higher the mother and the father and reparing
myself within myself and uh just so many things just learning how to love myself
in new ways, being tender with myself and I'm forever probably going to be doing that. But it was really good for
me to have done that prior to having a child. And now I'm getting to exercise
all those things like gentle parenting and maybe when I'm, you know,
I've mostly been alone on the journey of motherhood and not having healthy
support or any because if it's not healthy, I'm not I'm not doing it. And
I've been stretched farther than I ever thought that I could. And of course, when you love a being and you're willing
so much to continue to show up in spite of what you
are internally feeling and experiencing. I'm mothering him and mothering myself at the same time. And he takes naps. And
like all I do is take that hour to anything I can to replenish just to get
through the rest of the parts of the day. And you know, it's like the iPad has become the only, you know, like
child care that we've had. And so, like, that was something I was never going to
do. And so, I'm selective about what he watches. But, oh my god, please. I said the same thing. Same thing. I was
like, "My kids will never." And we It's a lot less, I think, than some other people. But, but same. I mean, some days
it's like, "I got to get something done. I need to take a moment for myself." Like, I going to plop you in front of the TV.
And you know, it's it's I'm glad you brought this up also because that mom guilt is so real and the the taking the
time for ourselves like actually my husband's going to take the kids this weekend so that I have some time to myself. I couldn't even ask him Misty.
We had to we had like a huge fight and finally after the fight I was like I want to ask you this but I feel like a
terrible [ __ ] mom for asking you to take the kids so that I can have some space and time. Mhm.
And that was a I mean just huge for me to even just say that out loud that like I felt really guilty and like a really
bad mom. And then I had to stop and be like no because now I'm going to
actually get the work done that I need to get done, replenish myself and come back and be a happy mom and not a snippy
mom, you know? Um and and not taking out my anger and my frustration on them
because I haven't had the time to pour into myself, you know. Um, I think there's a lot of
women that are in wounded mother and myself included, you know, when when the kids were young and still some days,
right? Um, because I don't think we had really good examples of healed mothers, unfortunately, you know, and so it's
like we're trying to be that healed example, but then we have all this stuff on the internet telling us like how to
do it, that we're doing it wrong, that we need to be doing it more, you know? It's like we can't [ __ ] win. I feel
like Yeah. Some days I like I real surf
And like my Instagram is full of parenting mom, be the best human to your
children ever. Um, and so I just some days I'll go through
um or specific people that I know, like, and trust in that arena.
And some days it feels like inspiration and good remembering. And then other
days I feel like I'm just putting myself on the chopping block. And then you're just being a massochist being
like, "What are all the things I'm not doing?" And so more and more I've just gotten I'm like, "Okay, look, I've got a handle
on this mother thing and I have a pretty good relationship with my kid." Um I think I'm going to just trust
myself. Yes. It takes some work, but like I'm really leaning into trusting myself. And like
one of the things that you touched on earlier is the embodiment. And that's really where I'm at right now is I'm
actually realizing how much my nervous system has run the show. My
wounded child has run the show. Um exhaustion and these things that have
worn me over the years of motherhood. Um,
I realized that I am just not trusting myself.
I'm in such a I have been in such a nervous place that I didn't even know like
when do I connect? How do I connect? I felt so disassociated with my own body and my own truth in
some ways. And so it's like instead of relying on myself to know the truth or
to know what I need, I'm outsourcing that. And I was witnessing even calling
my trusted girlfriends who are bright, beautiful, intelligent, being in these
wonderful containers like the one with you is is been so uplifting and
comforting. And also I realize like where the pendulum has swung too far and
I'm relying on outside myself. And so I am currently in a place of pulling that inward and just that time that you know
my son is asleep or he's now two days of preschool. Um I am spending 45 minutes
just laying there and just being with my body, being with what comes up. Just
I love that we don't we don't do that enough. We don't just like let ourselves sit in a dark room or sit in bed and
just check in with ourselves. Like that's that's huge. There's so much to do and we're never
going to get it done. I'm telling you, the dishes can wait. The dishes can wait. Three days they can
wait. I've never like I was the military. Get it all done. No dishes in the sink at night before you go to bed.
Absolutely not doing it. And now what's priority? Well, right now my body
my body's wisdom and connecting with myself so that I can tune in when I need it and not wait until there's some big
thing that I have to decide and I can't even connect with myself because I've been such the doer and such a ball of
nerves and overwork and wanting to fulfill my dreams like sure but I was
the person this is something really big for me recently is I realized that I have waited I put myself off until I can
have a three hour a two or three hour window with myself on the weekend when my husband can take the baby so that I
can have three hours with myself and so that I can just like but like what do I even do when I get there and you know
I'm so overwhelmed by then and it's like I realized that I have not just been allowing myself those 10-minute pockets
of time like and you know it's like why am I not refilling my cup all throughout
my days. And I realized just the other day that I was literally like conscious that in this moment right now, I could
do something replenishing for myself, but I but I refused to do it.
And I realized it come from a place of unworthiness. So, I actually ended up doing it, not in
that moment, but um I I lay down with myself and just spent a few minutes and
granted myself what I deserved and what I needed just to be still and to listen. And I
realiz like a lot of unworthiness had come up for me. And I'll be honest with you, a lot of this is your fault.
So, God, I love you so much. It's like you're making me work on my [ __ ] Damn
it. Right. So, taking radical responsibility here. I just got to blame a little bit on you for showing up in my life.
Totally fine. I'll take it. I'll hold it. So, when we met and I just like same
like something about you is you are just incredibly real. When I met you, there
was no like better than look at me. I'm so amazing. like you were so like just
down to earth and chill. When I found out that you were doing all the things
you're doing, I was like blown away because there was no energy about you
sitting in that room that was like anything more than just you. Like you
weren't trying to show up as something else. And anyway, I felt so at home with you. And then when I started with you,
which is where I'm blaming you here, is um answering my prayers, you know, the
universe like just showing up in the form of Victoria. Um and you know, like
I have these, you know, callings and I'm saying, you know, God, goddess,
hear me, see me, what do I do? and I meet you and I went through the aosic records with you, Akashosic awakening
and uh that was a really beautiful exploration for me to remember and to
come home to the connection to remember that the information I had been
receiving but not trusting was authentic. Like when I went through that
with you, I realized like tapping into aosic records was it it's the same
voices. It's the same information. Like I I was already attuned, but I was
discrediting it. Like something was wrong with my connection. And so that
was beautiful. And then now since Queen of Hearts, like I literally had a a huge
death before I signed up to the Queen of Hearts. And um I was seeing this online,
all of your beautiful posts about this and it was just resonating so big and I
didn't have a business. I was deep in the trenches of motherhood in the most
beautiful challenging ways and like I said in the beginning like had
lost hope for anything more for myself and like lost complete touch with it.
And so when I it worked out that I ended up in Queen of Hearts. Thank you,
Victoria. And um it really started awakening something in
me and I remembered. I remembered. So, what came to me this morning before our
call was really big, really big is I walked outside this morning and I was
just looking at Mama Gia and just giving thanks and
things have been really, really challenging lately in my life and it's that cocoon and I'm like, what? Oh my
god. Like, you know, I mean, shouldn't this have eased up by now? Why is life still so
hard? and it's just everything is piling up right now. And I went outside and I was just
like giving thanks and
um I had seen a post from a lady that I was in prison with and she's really
showing up like and I'm so proud of her and I've just started seeing her stuff
recently. I even sent her a message and I was like you're so inspiring. So then
I had walked outside after that and I was just like giving thanks to God. And I remembered when I was incarcerated,
there were so many things that dropped into my soul that are evergreen. And one
of the things um that I remembered this morning is um God said, "If you will open your mouth, I will feel it."
And so like going through the Queen of Hearts with you and just learning more about myself and oh my gosh, how much I
have learned. Um it's crazy how much I learned about myself and just putting things into perspective. But it was this
morning that it really struck me because I've been feeling insignificant.
I've been feeling like who do I think I am? And
ass is who you are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes on my best
days, right, I say that to myself, but I've been really worn lately. And so, and then I've got this big dream now
that I want to pursue and it's like, how? Oh my god. And anyway, this morning it was just a big aha that I'm not doing
this alone and that it's not about me. Like sure it's my story or it's my
physical voice that you hear or you know the connections that I might have with humans and but it's really about getting
out of my way and letting now I I had the epiphany it
was um I am now choosing me
um a lot of relationship problems um I don't even think motherhood was as about
is the relationship problems in motherhood with my husband being the only support and him feeling like the
enemy most of the time. Man, that could be like a whole another podcast with like your relationship once
you have a kid. Like, oh my gosh, does it go through the ringer. Like people don't talk about that enough at all.
Yeah. And I was viewing him as the enemy. And I had an epiphany just recently too, like a couple of month
within the last month or two. And it was I saw him as the abuser and I was seeing
myself as the victim and I realized if I took the victim out
of it, there was no more an abuser. There was no one else to blame and there was only me.
Yep. And then I stopped like my nervous system instantly relaxed. And I think
that was a deep healing that has been I've been carrying even through like
prison being a victim of the system and you know I'm still healing some of that being a victim of my mother's emotional
mental abuse because she didn't have the healing or didn't do the healing or you
know I mean I have so much compassion for her now but it's like I have
uncovered so many things and it really so my my I created did a new Instagram
handle and all of that working with you. And it's she became the way.
It's not everybody and everything else. It's really about choosing ourselves.
And I'm the she and you're the she. And my hope is also to not my hope. I'm
doing it. Um I have a podcast ready to launch. Um I need some interviews.
I've got to do the work now that my son is in preschool. I like finally have a couple of hours a day to like do some of
this. And so I'm bringing my dreams to fruition. And she became the way. I
became the way. You know, it's like when we choose ourselves over everything else
in a healthy way. And if you're a mother and if you're a wife and you're a daughter and you have these relations,
like all of that matters, but if we're not true to ourselves, then we're just living a lie.
Absolutely. I Oh, this has just been so special and
I think that's a perfect spot to end because I want people to go find you on Instagram. I want them to go fine. She
becomes the way or she became the way and I'll put it in the show notes because I I want you guys to keep your
eyes on Misty and what she's doing because she is a Leo rising. She is meant to take the stage and this has
just been a taste just a small little taste of her magic. And I want you guys listen to her podcast and please reach
out and connect with her and yeah, is there anything I don't know last last little bit you want to share with
anyone? um a a word or message you want to leave them with. Um because I think this has been really powerful and yeah,
this was just like the tip of the iceberg. I feel like this is like the the appetite teaser for like your podcast for people to like go dive in.
So just a quick note on that. Right now it's kind of a shell. I've got the right. You're not going to get a lot if
you go right now today. So um anyway, but I am uh in the works for that. You
can definitely reach out to me on Instagram. She became the way.
Yeah. I my message just to end this on a
beautiful loving note is if you're hearing this,
you're not done. It's not over. um
we have today and it's about choosing yourself
and it's about choosing life. It's choosing to live
because what else are we doing here? You are the way.
Everything you need, you already have. Trust yourself and let's all just rise
together. Show up for each other. Love one another. Love yourself. I love you.
We got to live our life sentences together. The most love.
Thanks for tuning in today, guys. Everything to find Misty will be in the show notes. I can't wait to chat with
you guys again next week. Thanks for being here. Be good to one another. I love you.