Estrangement, healing and self love

Today we’re stepping into a conversation that so many people carry quietly: estrangement. It’s a subject filled with complexity, grief, unanswered questions, and deeply human longing.

This episode was sparked by a recent Oprah conversation with mental-health professionals and families navigating estrangement, along with an article by Patty Slo Munson, LCPC, titled “Estrangement: The New Epidemic for Parents of Adult Children.” Both reveal a painful trend—more adult children are cutting contact without explanation, leaving parents in a fog of confusion and heartbreak.

In this episode, I open my heart and share my own experience.
 For the past three years, I have been estranged from my adult son—a reality I never imagined. I talk through:

• the moment he told me he didn’t feel loved, despite my unwavering devotion
• the confusion and shock that came after I helped him and his wife during the birth of their baby
• the abrupt shift that led to silence, distance, and unanswered questions
• the pain of replaying years of parenting, searching for where things went wrong
• and the deep ache of loving someone so fiercely while being shut out of their life

I also share a second layer of this journey—my estrangement from my mom, and how that experience unfolded during the most fragile and painful season of my life.
 It is honest, raw, and deeply vulnerable.

But this episode is not just about heartbreak. It is also about healing, self-love, and rebuilding from the inside out.

Over the last three years, I have walked through therapy, grief, self-reflection, and the painful but necessary decision to choose myself. I talk about:

• learning to stop begging for love
• recognizing emotional patterns that were harming me
• listening to my own inner voice for the first time
• rebuilding self-worth after years of shrinking
• creating a safer, stronger, more grounded version of myself

If you are navigating estrangement—whether from a parent, a child, or someone you love—please know you are not alone. This episode offers understanding, compassion, and hope for anyone who feels the ache of distance.

You deserve to feel loved, supported, and whole.
 Your life is not over.
 There is light ahead.

Thank you for being here with me today.
 If this episode speaks to you, please like, subscribe, or share it with someone who might need comfort and connection.

At the bottom of this episode, you’ll find a short summary and additional resources

What is What About Me?

What About Me (WAM) is a space for healing the inner child, finding your voice, and reclaiming your power. Join host Emma as she shares her journey of self-discovery and invites others to speak up, stand up, and heal from the inside out.

Today we're diving into a topic I know
so many of us carry quietly estrangement.

I was recently watching a
podcast on YouTube by Oprah.

She had various professional,
uh, psychologists, psychiatrists,

therapist, and, uh, several adult.

Children currently estranged from their
parents as also, uh, parents that were

estranged from their adult children.

a article I read recently called
Estrangement the New Epidemic for Parents

of Adult Children, and this was written
by Patty Slo Munson, and she's an LCPC.

And, um, pretty much what Patty
was sharing was that this is

becoming an epidemic where adult
children are breaking contact and

communication from their parents.

This action is leaving a lot of hurt.

Pain, disappointment, unanswered
question in their wake.

I have a 3-year-old adult son
and uh, we have been estranged

for the last three years.

And my heart hurts to speak of this.

This is the last thing I
would've imagined happened to me.

In fact, one of the last time that
I saw my son in my home we had a

disagreement, and when he was leaving,
we had a talk and he was upset.

my son made a statement to me.

He said, mom

and I will not go into detail with
everything that he shared with me,

but one of the statement that stood
out to me was he say to me, I am

the only consistent person who has
been in your life for over 28 years.

And I feel like you do not love me
and that hurt so much, but knowing my

love for my son and how much he means
to me, I reassured my son that he

could not be further from the truth.

three years ago, my son family.

expanded, his wife became
pregnant, and I became.

Uh,

separated from my, um, my partner.

Um, I was going through a lot of stuff.

I was leaning emotionally on my son.

I feel he was supportive,
understanding and being there for me.

We were being open.

We had a very great relationship.

I offered to assist my son and his
wife when I was visiting as I was

considering relocating to be closer
to them because of my separation.

And I wanted to cut all ties with
where I was at the time and be closer

to my family and my new grandson.

my son and his wife agreed to
me helping out when I was there.

I followed through with that promise I
clean, organize, did several things around

their home for them with no intention.

Um, or any other inclination
except to show my love for them,

my support for them, and to help a
mom with a newborn baby and my son.

I got home and two days later
I was communicating with my

son only to hear my son start.

Being extremely upset, angry, saying
the most hurtful, shocking things that

I could imagine, and all pertaining
to the fact that I helped out while

I was at his home for the weekend.

I was flabbergasted.

I could not understand what was
going on, like I did not do this.

On my own.

I literally.

I did.

What I knew to do was to discuss
it with them and to ensure that if

I was to do something like this,
that they would be okay with it.

I only did this after I got permission
from both my daughter-in-law and my son.

So imagine my shock when my son was
so upset of what I did, which was

just helping he and his family out.

No.

Suffice it to say we had a few
interactions since I showed up to

his graduation two weeks later.

I communicated with him multiple times,
um, but my son has gone radio silent.

He has been extremely distant.

almost zero contact,
except I reach out to him,

and this has been in addition to
my separation at the time, the most

painful experience of my life because
I still cannot understand how my

child could turn on me the way he did.

I was a single mom.

I serve in the military.

I moved several places and
it was always me and my son.

I created a home and a life.

For my son that I did not have.

There is never a moment in time when my
mind and my focus is not on protecting

my child and making sure that if anything
happens to me, and this is when he was

much younger, of course, my focus was to
ensure that if anything happens to me,

that my child would be taken care of.

When he became an adult, I did not
always agree with the choices or

the decisions that my son makes,
but I always stood by my child.

I have always supported my son in
the things that he makes up his mind

to do as long as it is his choice.

I supported my child.

Estrangement is painful.

Estrangement is hard.

You spend so many hours all
the day trying to relive your

life with your child, trying to
understand where did you go wrong?

What could you have done differently?

I do not know any parents who gets this.

Right 100% of the time.

I am not by any stretch of the
imagination perfect in any way.

I have made so many mistakes with
my child, but to apologize and to

make amends and to say I am sorry
and to say that I was wrong has

never been a shortcoming with me.

I have apologized.

I have made amends to my son and he
continue this estrangement, which only

causes further pain and heartache.

But today I can say
that I am gonna be okay.

I have spent the last three years.

In therapy most of the time,
working on myself, learning

how to love and accept me.

It is important I understand that
I am important and that I matter,

and the fact that I know in my heart
and in my soul that this adult child

of mine is loved unconditionally.

There are so many things about my child
that I do not care for, but he is my son.

He is not perfect.

I do not expect him to be,

but I know that I have been the best
parent that I could be, and if given

the chance, I know that I will continue
to be the best parent that I can be.

I will never, ever be too old.

To make amends to say, I am sorry to say,
I love you, to say, I want you in my life.

And so this epidemic that has taken
over our world where our adult children

has made the choice to cut all ties
without explaining to us what we

have done to harm them is so unfair.

And I pray that they never
live these scenarios or these

situations in their adult life.

I pray that their children will never grow
up and treat them the way they treat us.

Unfortunately I also have
an estrangement with my mom,

This episode is not about the dynamic
of my upbringing and the difficulties

and childhood trauma of my life.

It is about the estrangement of my mom
my mom was living with me at the time

when I became separated from my partner.

my mom and I was obviously having
a very close relationship with my

spouse, and when he did the unthinkable
and I had to make the choice to

choose me and to end our marriage,

it was the hardest thing
that I have ever done.

my mom had enough information
of what led up to that decision.

when I told my mom the decision
that I had made and that my

marriage was over, I expected a hug.

I expected a, I am so sorry honey.

I expect

anything but what I got my mom's
response was, I knew I should

not have moved in with you.

I should have gone somewhere else.

And for weeks, my mother did not
address the separation between me and

my partner who remained in our home.

Instead, my mom continued the relationship
and the communication and the contact

with my spouse as if nothing has happened.

I want, I mentioned this because
of what was happening to me.

I was literally diminishing and
shrinking and dying inside right in

front of my mother and my partner
as I grapple with this reality that

the marriage that I had intended to
last for a lifetime will never be.

there was no action of empathy,
love, support, communication,

contact from my mother.

It got so difficult until I had
a physical mental breakdown.

I became suicidal and actually
acted on that impulse.

EMS and police was called into my home and
I was taken out on a stretcher, taken to

a hospital, admitted for almost a week.

I made one phone call during that time
of hospitalization and it was to check on

my mom to ensure that she had gotten to
my nephew's home and that she was okay.

yet I got out of the hospital and
my mom continue as if nothing had

happened to me, and that my partner
is the most wonderful, perfect human

being, the most loving est person.

I started to grovel and
beg and plead and cried

to my mom for her to love me, to support
me, to stand up for me, and nothing that

I did or said changed my mother's mind.

In fact, it got worse because my mom
started talking about me in my home to her

friends on and family over the telephone.

I felt like I was living with enemies.

I was constantly on glued.

I lost 30 pounds in less than one month.

after all my explanation of what I need
from her, her love, her support to stand

by me, to be there for me, this is all
that I have done for her her entire

life, and particularly for the last 15
years since the death of my dad in 2010.

I have been 100 support.

I have been the 100% support for my
mother in everything that she does,

and it was then that I realized that I
have spent a lifetime begging and pleading

directly or indirectly for my mom to love
me and that I had not gotten this ever.

The love that I felt from my mom was
always conditional, except I did not

understand or know that, and so sadly,
sadly, with the heaviest heart, I

realized that I had to make a choice.

If I was gonna survive this, I
was gonna have to choose myself.

By choosing myself, it means that I had
to cut anyone that was in my life, who

was not for me, who was not supportive
of me, who was not gonna be there for me

in the difficult times and in the good
times because I did not know who I was.

I had no love for myself.

I had no respect for myself.

I was on.

Worthy, I felt unworthy to be alive
because I was so marginalized.

I depleted.

I was so emotionally and
psychologically trampled on.

And the people in my life who
should know me more than any

other person on this earth.

Acted and treated me as if
they did not know who I am.

I had to learn how to love myself.

It was the hardest journey
that I have ever taken.

It is now three years and I am finally.

Finally feeling safe and comfortable being
home alone in my space, in my world, not

speaking to anyone or seeing anyone or
interacting with anyone, and I am okay.

This did not come easy, my friend.

If you are on this pathway, it's
gonna take a lot of hard work.

It's gonna take some struggles.

It's gonna take lots of sleepless
night and many tears to bill yourself.

I tell myself, I do not want to go
back to being my old self, my old self.

Was who was marginalized and emotionally
and psychologically abused, who

was dismissed and disrespected.

I am creating the new me.

They knew

2.0.

Emma 2.0,

my friend.

If any part of this.

Episode resonate with you.

I am so truly, deeply sorry
for your pain, for the loss in

your life, but be encouraged.

Believe that your life is not over.

Believe that there is hope.

Believe that there is light
at the end of the tunnel.

I am so grateful for the steps that
I take every day to make myself whole

and to get better, and to continue
to be the best version of myself.

No part of this journey is easy, but I
can say that I know that it is worth it.

It is worth it to wake up every day
and not be consumed with someone else.

with whether I will be ridicule
or discarded or dismissed, or

whether I will be shown some
level of compassion and kindness.

I will never be happy that I
have an estrangement with my son.

I will never be happy that I have an
estrangement with my mom, but I am so

happy that I finally stand up for myself.

I am completely elated that I
made the choice that I deserve

better, of my blood family.

I know I deserve better.

I have crossed oceans.

I have walked on coal of
fire for these two people.

I have stood by them the way no
other human being in their lives

have stood by them before, yet.

They have each in their own way,
walked away from me in the worst and

the most painful season of my life.

today, I can say that I am so grateful I
trust myself enough that I am committed

to work to be the best version of myself.

Again, if you resonate with
this episode, please like,

subscribe and forward to a friend.

Thank you so much for joining me, and
please don't forget to look at the

summary at the bottom of this episode.

It will have some exciting
information for you.

Have a great week.