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The Senior Hub Podcast is a resource hub for planning and caring well for your aging parents and loved ones. This podcast tackles everything from data, to key terms, to personal stories, to sacred moments, to tricky family dynamics.
Join hosts Daniel Alexander and Rebecca Hill as they engage their guests, and each other, on this most important topic. We are all learning about this topic as we get older. Let's do it together.
Find us at www.theseniorhub.com
I'm Daniel Alexander, and I am cofounder of something that we're calling The Senior Hub. We're excited to be here with you today. With me, I have Andy English, my co founder and leader of a number of different things and endeavors that we're up to these days, businesses and nonprofits and all kinds of things, and Senior Hub is at the top of the list right now as we lean into this conversation about what's taking place in our community and what could be. Andy, let's just jump in. Tell me a little bit about why you're here, what's going on,
Speaker 2:what are we doing What's next? Why are we talking in microphones when we're looking at each other across the table, right? That's right. Why don't we just sit here? No.
Speaker 2:So the concept of the Senior Hub came just kind of hit me, I'd say, probably about a year ago. I'd lost my dad about three years ago. Right. He had a fall, broke a hip, and then just kinda swirl the drain, so to speak, for six months. And it's kinda as, like, my Gen Alpha kids would say, those who know know.
Speaker 2:You know? Like, if anybody listens been through it, they know. Like, just say broke a hip. You get it because it's so crazy, like, what the impact is, and you'd have no clue what it means when you're a kid of a aging parent. So then I have in laws who are kind of, you know, starting to get get up in years and starting to have some some challenges, some issues health wise.
Speaker 2:And and so it just kinda hit me about a year ago, like, with just the the intensity of the process that we're dealing with now on that side. And I was like, I just don't wanna go through this again. Right. I don't wanna go through this the same way I do with my dad. And so I'm in a place so I'm what do I do in the day to day?
Speaker 2:Like, I'm a private equity investor. What does that mean? I mean, not a whole heck of a lot. It just isn't public markets. It's private money.
Speaker 2:We invest in stuff. You know, it's pretty basic. And so, you know, so I'm like, why don't I put money towards something like, a a real pain point for me? And and so that's where the concept of the Senior Hub came from, which was I really just wanna create something that's gonna be a central hub for me. Like, I'm trying to solve my problem first and my family's problem first, which is like, we just desperately need help connecting to resources, having somebody be advocate, all these different pieces that you deal with.
Speaker 2:So that's where it came from. I need that. I gotta find it. So let's just I I couldn't find it. So I was like, well, let's just create it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well, that makes sense. That's the mother necessity is the mother of invention. Right? So let's just do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So a second ago, you said we we had to deal with this. Can you give us a little bit more about what this was that that pushed you to, like, hey. Let's invest in this and let's go further.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. I'll tell you. So I don't when was this? A couple months ago, I made, like, a chart or a graph or something. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I threw drew different circles from the hospital, rehab facility, all these different places. I'm basically sort of imagine like an org chart, like, for anybody who's listening, like and I was drawing all these connections between all the different pieces. You got different doctors, you got insurance companies, you got legal, you got financial. Like, you have all these things that you don't understand. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And well, sometimes you just legit just don't understand it. Sometimes you don't understand it because you you understand it for yourself, but you don't understand it for your parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right? So there's all these elements of your walking blind basically, in this whole process. And so the this is when you get started in this process of helping an aging parent who's had a health issue, like, it's a domino, and it just one domino, it's like there's a 100 lots of dominoes. It's somebody starts hitting one of them and each line of the 100 has another 100 that it's knocking down. It's like bam and it's like and then the next one and there's all these things and you just don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:And so the issue of the this is getting through it all, like, with sanity and keeping your personal life together. You have a family. Again, they call it the sandwich generation. Right? Like, you're in between your aging parent parents and your kids.
Speaker 2:You're sandwiched in there, and you gotta care for kids. And most of us, you and me, we're in, like, the peak time of our, like, professional, like, life. So whether, let's say, earnings or just impact or whatever and call your sort of mid thirties to mid fifties is and so that's when I mean, so you're getting pressure from all sides and then, oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, this comes out of the blue. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:What are you going to do?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Okay. So you're a pretty smart guy. I've known you for thirty years. Relatively smart, we'll say.
Speaker 1:Relatively.
Speaker 2:I mean, I wasn't out of state in a UNC like you. Smart guy. No, you're
Speaker 1:kidding me. But what how how much did you know about this world? I mean, I'm I'm assuming a lot of our listeners are are
Speaker 2:You mean was when my dad?
Speaker 1:Yeah. About when your dad was was getting sick or
Speaker 2:Dude, I'm not kidding. Like, absolutely zero. I knew nothing.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So is that is that your fault? Is that a society problem? Like, what are we dealing with here?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. That's we could talk about that for an hour probably.
Speaker 1:Yes. Okay.
Speaker 2:I think the answer is yes. It's both. It's both. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it's both. I think, yeah, it's it's my family's responsibility. It's the lack of understanding in the community. It's the fact that families don't live together anymore, know, where they used to all live on the same road or the same, you know, one mile radius of each other. You know, families are increasingly disconnected in different locations, physically and emotionally, spiritually, all that.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's all of it. And I mean, the answer is I knew nothing.
Speaker 1:Right. And as I sit here at age 48, thinking about my parents, and they're relatively healthy at the moment, And we've been diving in for about the last six months on this idea of the Senior Hub. And I'm realizing I'm maybe at like 1% knowledge. So can't wait to get started because I need as much of this as possible. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, let me tell you.
Speaker 2:So this is how it goes. So how it goes is you basically end up with you know, for me, my dad was in a more acute situation than, some others. You end up in like, you end up spending two, three, sometimes five hours a day legitimately trying to figure out, like, what you're doing. You know? And so I'm making calls.
Speaker 2:I'm calling his doctors. I'm calling his insurance companies. I'm calling people that I just don't I don't know what I don't know. And I'm I'm spending like, I would legitimately wake up at 05:00 in the morning, which I think I told you about this. I wake up at 05:00 in the morning staring at the ceiling thinking, like, what am I gonna do to help solve my dad's problem today?
Speaker 2:And then kinda once the world wake wakes up, you know, call it eight, 09:00, I'll probably spend at least two to three hours before lunch. So almost the whole time or a big chunk of that time for for weeks on end just trying to figure out what to do next. Racking my brain, calling everybody I know, meeting with people, everything you can imagine to try to figure it out. And by the time I got to lunch, man, I was ready to go home, take a nap. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:You know? I mean, I was, like, spent. You know? And, you know, in the midst of that, right, I had, like, you know, my oldest kids graduate in high school. You know, that year, you know, we have all the five I've got five kids.
Speaker 2:They're all playing spring sports, like, all the school stuff, then other personal stuff. Right? Like, it's all, like, combined and just, you know, bam, bam, bam. You're just getting hit from every direction, it feels like. And then you have this thing, which is the most important thing in your life in a lot of ways because, like, hey.
Speaker 2:It looks like your parent who has invested everything and you gave you everything, it looks like they're dying. They may not be, but you don't know and you don't know what it is. And so these things aren't looking great. Maybe they're on the slide, maybe they're not. You don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:And that is I mean, candidly, it trumps things. I mean, I I had three different calls where it was like, hey. You need to come home. That that that you need to come home call. Like, he may not make it.
Speaker 2:Like, that happened three different times. I mean, it's like, okay, well, what do you do with that? Well, you gotta go. Right? Well, everything else takes a back seat at that moment.
Speaker 1:That's right. So give us the conclusion sentence, and then I wanna back into what is Senior Hub actually doing. But if you had had Senior Hub around or something like that, you'd be able to find an organization or a company that could have stepped in with you guys during that time. What do you think might have happened differently? Or what would you have been able to do?
Speaker 2:I mean, honestly, I think the big the biggest thing for me is kind of the I don't know if it's a bit of a not a motto or something we talked about at one point was, like, kinda rest in peace at night. Like, lay your head down on the pillow with peace knowing that somebody else is, like, actually knows what they're doing is helping you. Mhmm. The biggest thing would have been that. Is it, like, you just when you get in a situation with a with a ailing parent, like, you literally it's like that.
Speaker 2:You're waiting for the phone call. Mhmm. Mhmm. Every moment is a wait. You're like, every time the phone rang for six months, you're on edge because you don't know, like, what's going to happen.
Speaker 2:And and so that's the that's the problem, right, is you you just can't find peace anywhere because you don't know what you're doing. And you don't know if the plans you put in place are good or they're just good enough because it's all you could figure out.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So if you had somebody walking with you and able to assure you that plans are working or help you develop those plans or push against you if you're making bad plans, would have been some more peace and at least guidance and you wouldn't have to the front runner of thinking it through.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So then at the end of the day, what you can do is actually spend more time with them and not working on them and and their stuff. Like, you end up spending all your time on administrative tasks, which aren't just like your normal, like, hey, can you call the guy to come check the air conditioner? It's more like, hey. Does somebody gonna come over here and help my dad do therapy so he can actually walk, which then means he can actually get physically better, which means he can eat, which means his mind's gonna get better, which means he's actually gonna probably live as opposed to not.
Speaker 2:Like, try playing that in your head over a few times. Like, yeah, this ain't your normal administrative task. Like, this is, like, an entirely different set of things, but that's what you're doing. Yeah. There's a constant just constant grind of checklist of items that all seem like kind of both super important and not important at the same time, because they feel like you're just checking boxes, but somebody's got to do it and somebody's got to get there and figure it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Okay. So let's jump into what we perceive at this point as part of the solution as we put the Senior Hub together and launched it in the last couple of weeks. We've spoken with people in Virginia and Florida and all kinds of places that are doing this, and we've kind of taken the best pieces. You've been the main one speaking with some of these leaders as you've done the research for your own family and seen what people are doing out there around the country.
Speaker 1:Where have we landed? What are you most excited about as far as the model that we're putting in front
Speaker 2:of you? The way the the way the industry works is there's not a lot of great examples for what it is that we're looking for just candidly because the the way that the financial incentives align in the senior care industry, candidly, they just don't work well for doing what people need the most, which is this. Basically, advocate, a guide, a navigator, and somebody can help you get through all the stuff. Mhmm. Like, you just the the way money attaches in the system like any other system could be retail, could be manufacturing, could be anything.
Speaker 2:Like, the places where money attaches and where people get paid. It's not as tied to this particular thing, which is to really help people navigate. So that's, you know, that's what the problem is as we we try to find resources of can this person help me? Can this person help me? Like, and even, you know, in the past few months, it it was incredibly frustrating.
Speaker 2:But we have come across a few that, you know, that were good, but they all seem like super overwhelmed because the ones that are really good are just getting bombarded this world.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Okay. So we've built a model now. You explain the model?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the basic idea is this, you know, every person who, like, is in our generation. So let's call it the sandwich generation. So the adult kids usually that have kids of, you know, someone probably gonna be in their seventies, eighties, you know, nineties, whatever. We are here primarily to help them.
Speaker 2:And the main way is to get through the the biggest part first, which is what is happening in your family. Like, what do you have? What's in your hands? Right? Like, that concept.
Speaker 2:So the idea is that we we spend a minimum of, four meetings, you know, meeting with, you know, whoever the main person is, then you meet with the kids of the, you know, the the parent, whoever's, you know, needing help. Then you meet with the parents, then you meet with everybody together and you go through and you lay out exactly where is everybody at. Because you know people are gonna not say things in group settings that they are gonna when you isolate them.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:So you need to hear from each person, get through that process, help them formulate a plan on where is everything, where are the resources that who can help, who can't, who's overwhelmed, who's stretched, like, get through
Speaker 1:it all. Who still likes each other?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Who doesn't really? And then open the eyes of the the parents, you know, and let them know, like, this is where everything is at. Now we need to make this plan, which means you need to get these pieces together. Where's your will?
Speaker 2:Where's your power of attorney? You don't have it. Here, you need this. Like, help people legitimately come up with an actionable plan once they go through as a family and sort out exactly what what is the state of being. Like, take the temperature, get the details, and know.
Speaker 1:Okay. So what do you call that phase of things?
Speaker 2:Discover. Okay. We're calling that discovery, right?
Speaker 1:Discover, discovery. Discovery. Yes. That's what you're doing. That's what we're calling for now.
Speaker 1:Then if people go through that and still want to talk about it and work together and then work with us and feel like they need help. Yeah. Are we able to keep going? What
Speaker 2:are we Yeah. So doing the next thing is we can actually come up with a plan for the housing piece, which is usually what motivates most people in this stage is that they have a parent who gets someone like my dad who, you know, has a fall. You don't really know what to do, where he's supposed to go. So you got you're trying to figure out what place can he go. What's the best, you know, is it assisted living?
Speaker 2:Is it a rehab? Is it a rehab then into a is it independent living? Is it what? And so we can help people with basically finding that living solution which, you know, could be anything. Like I said, there's like basically four stages, independent assisted living, there's memory care, when I'm blanking, there's skilled nursing.
Speaker 2:So those are the different pieces and we can help people figure that out.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. And I was also hearing you say a minute ago that the aging plan, like you mentioned the wills and the power of attorney and all that, sometimes people have it, sometimes they don't. And if they don't, they may need help getting there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:We're not gonna be lawyers, right? Unless you're going back to school.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I definitely don't wanna do
Speaker 1:that. Okay. But we wanna help make those connections, help people take the next steps. And sometimes the whole family needs certain outside facilitators to drive the process.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big help. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's, again, with the idea of the hub, I mean, that's why the name I wanted to do to, you know, basically show, like, what it is we do. Like, we wanna be that clearing place for everyone that helps them find the different resources. Again, whether it's you're in an acute situation, emergent situation where you really like, hey, we we gotta find a facility like next week. Yeah. You know, like, that's a it's a hard thing to do, right?
Speaker 2:You know, because you you're you're strapped, you know, or they're in the hospital and then the case manager calls you and says, guess what? Your dad's getting out in three days. Here's seven places. Only two of them will take him. You need to go check.
Speaker 2:And you're like, what? Like, I don't know what does that mean to you. What do you mean go check? Like, go look at them. Like Mhmm.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's the kind of thing. That's how it goes. You know? And so you need somebody, you know, or we're looking for this way. I needed somebody.
Speaker 2:And I would guess that most people do because what ends up happening is just to be, again, to be candid, like, there's usually, like, one sibling or like one there's like one kid who's like kind of the the the one that takes charge of everything. And that person tends to like carry the the majority of the burden. And the reality is we could offload a lot of that.
Speaker 1:So Okay. So some of these conversations are long. Yes. Right? So what do we do?
Speaker 1:What's the plan within Senior Hub to go more kind of long term with
Speaker 2:families? Yeah. So the bigger question then from there, so if you talk about, like, you know, the the housing piece, the the funny thing about that is, like, when your when your parent gets placed into some kind of housing situation, like, process just got started. Like, you think, like, oh, well, they got you know, they had surgery, and now they're out. And, well, that's that's good.
Speaker 2:So everything's gonna slow down. And, like, it's not gonna be as intensive. And it's like, no. That is not at all how it works. Honestly, majority of the time, it's more intensive after they get out.
Speaker 2:More time. Mhmm. Because you're coordinating therapies. You're coordinating doctor's appointments, all these kinds of things. So our job, and this is the candidate for again, for me, the one I'm most excited about in a lot of ways is like the piece of advocacy, which we can be there for people on a monthly basis to help them, you know, where they have a basic, like, subscription or retainer into a senior hub where someone is there for them, phone calls, being an advocate for the parent, whenever, you know, there's a situation where they're in a rehab place or they're in a hospital, like who's going to know the different pieces of what's going on with them?
Speaker 2:You need someone who can, like, be, you know, be a help for you and and your and your, parent or in law or whoever and getting through this time because, you know, sometimes it's just there's just things going on. You just don't even understand the words Mhmm. That they're even using in the facilities. Right. You know?
Speaker 2:Like, they gotta have a this, that,
Speaker 1:and the other. You're like, I don't I don't know what
Speaker 2:that means. I need, like, a dictionary Mhmm. Of, like, medical terms and senior terms. So so that's the thing. Again, being a hub, kinda three main pieces.
Speaker 2:The beginning part as the family just kinda discovers everything, get it black and white, placement, get you into a facility or a housing situation that works for you, works for the family as a whole. And then the advocacy piece, like the ongoing help and support that which is kinda more where, like, personally, like, I'm at right now. Mhmm. Like, my my in laws have a have a decent living situation. It's probably not the best in the world, but, but we're really more in that that last stage.
Speaker 2:Was just like, honestly, we just need somebody to help us on a monthly basis. Yeah. Sometimes weekly, and then certain weeks, it's daily. You know? Like, there could be some intensive times or maybe there's two, three days where you need a ton of help on something, like but that's where we are as a family where we really just need ongoing support from someone who can help us navigate all this stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so that's what I'm excited about is we've got that ongoing piece as well. Mhmm. And this isn't just like a mercenary engagement, right, where, like, oh, you come and you help somebody find a facility and then you get paid. And now we're not talking about that.
Speaker 2:We're we're I mean, people, if they want if that's all they want, like, that's fine. I mean, we can help them. Mhmm. But it's really, like, designed, like, for where ideally the deeper, like, to to be there with you in the process along the way. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:So if you could rewind five years, what would you and Senior Hub existed, what would be your encouragement to yourself? Or where would you start? What what would you
Speaker 2:Gosh. That's a good question because, man, like, the biggest challenge I feel like is where is the, like, positive, like, peer pressure or the social contagion, right, like of like, I just don't know that there would have been enough of it in my life to know because I didn't have any friends really dealing with it at the time. And so my hope would be that, you know, people around me would be sort of positive peer pressuring me into it. Mhmm. Just like, you know, a lot of the independent living facilities here in Raleigh, like, they have these long wait lists.
Speaker 2:Well, that's because, like, a lot of the parents that they're all friends and they have different social circles where they hang out together, they're sort of positive peer pressure in each other into, like, hey. You know, don't you wanna be in this in this place someday with us? Like Sure. So we need, like, some positive peer pressure amongst each other as, like, you know, friends and family in the in the sandwich generation. And so but, yeah, I mean, the the biggest thing would be I really think the hardest part is having a conversation.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And, like, just getting started with your parents, with your aging parents on it, and just talking about end of life and all that, man, it is painful. And nobody wants to do it. Right. So, yes, if I could go back and I could do it, I would call somebody like us who who can be a disinterested third party, you know, dispassionate, like, whatever. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, they're take it or leave the conversation even. Like, we're just here to help. You know? We we're not part of this family. Like, you need a you need somebody a lot of times just to just to get in there and just cut through the cut through the noise and find the signal.
Speaker 2:Right? Yeah. And that that family piece, I really feel like is the hardest part is just getting through the initial that initial breakthrough in the conversation of, like, hey, mom and dad. Like, we really need to talk about this. I know y'all aren't super comfortable with with me going into all this right now.
Speaker 2:Like, here's what we're gonna do. There's there's a There's a company here. They help people with this, and they've been doing this for decades. We just sit with them and just let them ask you questions and help you think about this stuff. Think that that is the biggest thing if I could do it over again, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Great. Okay. So final question and we'll wrap up.
Speaker 1:I know you have some friends around the Raleigh area.
Speaker 2:A couple. You've got
Speaker 1:a few. Maybe. So what are you telling them to do right now? Like what's their call to action?
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's a good yeah. So it's funny. I have talked about this with so many people now. And, you know, I think that the biggest thing that I tell people is just to be mindful of all the little changes and the things that are happening with their parents and just be watching.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. You know, it's like, does your because, like, the thing that happened with my dad, like, my dad started to not he started to not really lift his legs and bend his knees and his joints much when he was walking. I started noticing that. And that was maybe for a couple years ahead of time. And that's one of things I should have paid more attention to and said, hey.
Speaker 2:What's going on with them? Do we need to have a bigger conversation? Because, ultimately, that's what happened is he, you know, stepped off a curb, you know, in a shopping center and and fell, and that's how, you know, he broke his hip, which began the spiral. And so it's just like paying attention to the stuff with your parents and picking up on it, and then as quickly as you can, start having a conversation. And again, I know it's awkward.
Speaker 2:You know? And I I just I I I feel for you. I mean, it's hard. Mhmm. So but just starting the conversation about what are the you know, start with whatever is the easiest thing.
Speaker 2:If it's, like, asking about the wills, do weird. Yeah. Because it's, like, for whatever. You know? Like, could be something else.
Speaker 2:Like, oh, you know, what about your house? Have you ever thought about, like, I know this house is kinda oversized or your bedroom's upstairs. Don't you wanna move until yeah. Whatever is the easiest entry point, like, like, start there. And then and, of course, that's why Senior Hub's here.
Speaker 2:It's like, can offer it to everybody and say, hey. Like, we can give you kind of an easier, you know, off ramp. But the biggest thing is knowing the basing is really knowing your world can change overnight, and you have no idea that it's coming. And so that's why the more like vigilant you can be about the different, you know, things that you're seeing and changes in your parents, you got to pay attention to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, great. Well, we're seeing this daily. I mean, you and I are both out talking with friends and folks and everybody's in this world. Everybody's So dealing with very tactfully, we have a website up, right?
Speaker 2:As That's of
Speaker 1:a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 2:That's
Speaker 1:right. We have some staff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:Ready to answer the call. One in particular has decades of experience locally, ready to roll. And so the action step is a free conversation just to explain your story and where you are, and we would love to hear it and then figure out how we can help people from there.
Speaker 2:Last That's it. Theseniorhub.com.
Speaker 1:Let's do it. All right. Thanks, Andy.