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My visit with Kevin is well worth your time. We talk leadership, parenting, broken dreams and more.
Business owners, leaders, and entrepeneurs, turning trials into triumphs, seeking and embracing success. Balancing business, family, faith, health/fitness, and, aligning with values, purpose, and vision. To promote healthy leaders leading healthy organizations.
Todd Halls 0:00
Hello, welcome to Why not me? In life, we faced many trials and obstacles, many challenges in the thick of it, we can be tempted to think, Why me, but every obstacle presents an opportunity and every trial can bring trial. So I want to encourage you to adapt a mindset of why not me? When we're in the middle of it when things are tough look around and think, why not me? It's it's happening for a purpose. And then when success is at your doorstep, and all you have to do is open it. Let me find yourself hesitating questioning, is this for me? Do I deserve this? And I want to encourage you to adopt a mindset of why not me? Throw the door open wide shout to the world. Why not me? Embrace your success. I'm your coach Todd halls. I'm grateful to have you on this journey. Welcome to why not? Hello, hello. Welcome to why not me turning trials into triumph seeking and embracing success. I'm your host, Coach Todd halls. super thrilled to be here with you today. Thanks so much for joining us. I'm excited that you that you are here and listening. And I'm very excited to introduce our guest today I guest is Kevin hammer, he has become a dear friend of mine. Over the past year or so we connect regularly and have had an opportunity to get to know him and can't wait for him to share with all of you. Kevin is a dad. He's a husband, a veteran, currently a financial advisor, always a Christ follower, and so much more. And with that, I'm gonna let Kevin fill in any blanks he would like to fill in and give us some background. Go ahead, Kevin.
Kevin Hammer 1:44
Well, thank you, Todd, for having me. It's a it's an honor. And it's a pleasure to be honest with you today. My sure I can do justice to my my profile like you did. But yes, I am a 24 year veteran, the United States Navy started out as a rescue swimmer recruitment. I guess if you want to go back prior to that, yeah, I went to school with the Middle Tennessee State in a party too much. So I had to leave. And it was a setback. join the military. Like I said, after 10 years, realize, hey, I need to get a degree. So I got commissioned, went on to flight school. And kind of the rest was there grew up in the ranks retired as a Lieutenant Commander. And then I've always been fascinated with finances helping people get on track with finances and went into the financial planning world. And here I am, yes, I am a dad husband. I've got two grown children. One's a nurse here locally. And then my son who just graduated college, trying to figure out what he wants to do.
Todd Halls 2:51
Awesome. So how Where were you in your journey and in your career in the Navy when you when you first had kids?
Kevin Hammer 3:04
That's a funny story. We actually started trying in 95, and then realize, oh, second part of the Iraq war was kind of going back up, and I'm going to get deployed again for the third time in a year and a half. So we say we need to stop and guess it was stopped a little too late. So in 1995, our daughter was born. And luckily I made it home in time for her birth. And then in 98, our son was born. I was actually on shore duty then which meant I don't really deploy. I was an instructor and the helicopter squadron there in Newport, Florida.
Todd Halls 3:49
Cool. So so. From that point on, you were pretty much at home is that?
Kevin Hammer 3:56
No. So in 2000 I got my commissioned, I was full time flight instructor in helicopters and going to school. So 2000 I got commission and then I went on to flight training as a naval flight officer. My dream was to be a pilot, but I had the dreaded eyesight. And we've got God had bigger plans for me, you know. So with the flight school, here in Pensacola, Florida, went on to Randolph Air Force Base and then on to fly he sixes most people don't know about Boeing 707 In Oklahoma, run by the Navy but on Air Force Base. And I was never home. Never. My wife will tell you she actually would prefer the six month deployments over. You know, being gone for three weeks home for a week gone for three weeks, because you just never knew when I was leaving. I can remember times, literally going out with a family for dinner. And back then it was a beeper. We had beeper going off go get your butt to work, you're flying. So it was It took its toll on my son who was younger than my daughter. So that hurt. But 2004 I was able to get on shore duty again as an instructor here in Pensacola. And I was able to be in my kids lives. You know, it's home every night. baseball coach football coach, I follow my daughter and cheerleading gymnastics. So that was, that was definitely a godsend. Yeah,
Todd Halls 5:28
so if my math is right, so your son would have been six, seven about that time and your daughter is three years older, so she'd have been nine or 10
Kevin Hammer 5:38
when we moved to Pensacola, yeah, I
Todd Halls 5:40
went when you when you get stationed here.
Kevin Hammer 5:43
Correct? Okay. Okay, my son was in kindergarten, and my daughter was in fifth grade when we moved here, Pensacola. So, difficult times, for sure. You haven't young kids like that, but I'm glad I was able to be off it was, you know, and also, I think I had over 1000 other kids, you know, being in charge of flight training. You know, all these Marines and Navy and Coast Guard, and I was responsible for, you know, they've got issues and problems, and they look up to you. So it was interesting, some of the stories I could tell. And won't.
Todd Halls 6:22
Yeah. So you've been leading, leading a long time, leading men, women, you know, as an instructor, as a trainer in the service? How has how the lessons there transfer over to raising children? What it was, there was a carryover?
Kevin Hammer 6:43
Oh, absolutely. Because I don't care who you are from, you know, I'm not gonna say names, but someone who's a high profile individual, their their child comes through the flight training to, you know, I can remember a young man, graduated college, once going to flight training, it's never driven a car doesn't have a license. So everyone's situation is different. And you can apply that to your own child, your own life, you know, you got to take the circumstances that are before you make the best decision that you know how, maybe wrong, but you learn from it. And adapt, you know, you're, you know, it's my first time ever being a dad to a daughter and son. Oh, there's no playbook for that. And there's no playbook for, you know, leading flight students when a hurricane hits, you know, how do I protect all of them during that volatile time. So I think you got to take each person and look at them, and never, I learned this from my wife, I never judge a book by its cover, you just don't know what's on the inside, get to know that individual. What issues are going on at home, you know, or in your life, you just, everybody's gonna speak up and, and tell you their problems. But as a good leader, you I firmly believe you need to know the people that are working for you. And how can you motivate them to be better, and in spite of knowing them? On a personal level?
Todd Halls 8:13
So a couple things you mentioned, the parenting thing you've ever done, you never raise the daughter before some before. And somebody just just a couple of weeks ago said that to me, and they were sharing, I think, to probably offer me some grace, like, Hey, give yourself some grace. But also he was sharing that it really allowed him to see his parents in a different light, when when when suddenly you realize they'd never done it before. You know, we look at our parents, like they're supposed to have it all figured out. That's what your kids looked at you. And it just it's just the nature of it, right? We're the leaders of the family, like, oh, they have this all figured out. But none of us have ever done. I've never, I've never raised a 15 year old son before this year. And next year will be I will never be the first time with raising a 16 year old son. And you can say well, yeah, but what if you've had multiple kids? You know, what, as you just pointed out, everyone's different. And so it's the first time with that particular personality, that particular son or daughter with the challenges they have. And I just want to unpack that a little bit. Because I think as parents, at least for me, I tend to be I can beat myself up when when when I think I've screwed up as a dad. And so just offering that that little bit of grace, I think helps. It's like, oh, he screwed up. Don't Don't do it again. But there's no there's no instruction manual for this.
Kevin Hammer 9:45
There isn't, you know, and you made me just think of something I love my parents to death are no longer with me but they were hard on me. I was the youngest. So the next brother up for me was 10 years old with me. So I didn't really have siblings. I grew up with my Parents are much older, so they didn't get out there and do stuff with me. You know, I have very few memories of them actually at a soccer game football game just didn't exist. And I can remember my my dad telling me why in the world are you spending so much time being a coach and traveling all over the country with your daughter and cheerleading and gymnastics? And I couldn't tell him the reason why. Because I didn't want to be hurtful it was because that would have meant so much to me as a kid, like my parents are there. So navigating that scene of, you know, coming home from work, and that's my lab in the background. How does that work and balancing that life kit balance? Sorry about that. You know, it's, it's difficult in your accent, there's no, there's no instruction for that. So I think that helps you out as a leader too, you know, you got to be flexible. Yeah, nothing's perfect. Nothing's perfect.
Todd Halls 11:09
Yeah, a few feels a few minutes ago, you mentioned because of those differences, and everybody's their own individual, and you have to get to know them. Right? If you're gonna lead them and how do you? How do you do that? And what I mean by that is, as maybe, if you learned any, how do you connect quickly, and I'm thinking of some of the things that John Maxwell talks about, everybody communicates few connect. And that importance of getting to know the person that you're that you're leading? How do you do that? Quickly,
Kevin Hammer 11:51
yourself, you know, it's one thing to be the leader and stand up and bark out orders, you got to do this, you got to do that. But lead by example, there's no way I'm going to have tell somebody to do something, you know, back to the military days, unless I've done it myself. And I can assure you, I've done it, you know, most cleaning toilets, you know, painting, but that way, you've got an understanding of what it is that they're doing, what are the tasks that they have to do the difficulties involved. But then just say, you're passing by in the hallway. Hey, Todd, how you doing? You know, how's the family, and you just let them lead the conversation. They may be hanging their heads, like, Hey, what's wrong, show that you care. And they may let up, you know, hey, you know, my wife's going through something or, you know, like my child sick. Just listen. Just listening in showing compassion, I found that those people under you will work. I swear, 10 times are for you. Go either way.
Todd Halls 13:01
So I'm gonna just let you know that my experience with you, as a friend, you're very good at that. You're very good at showing that you care and taking genuine interest and listening. So. So thank you for that. It's been a gift. Yeah. You see, going back to the military career, because you wanted to be a pilot. And you hit a detour. I said, so. Tell me just how you you know, how did you process that? Was it was it easy? Was it just like, oh, well, I'm gonna do something different. Like, what? What was the what was the emotional and mental journey that you went through as you had to readjust?
Kevin Hammer 13:49
It wasn't easy. I'm not gonna lie there. It was. It was a huge letdown. It was a major disappointment here. I'm thinking it was my dream as a kid, I wanted to fly airplanes. I could stay in watch airplanes for hours. So if it was an automatic thing for the military, oh, you you can't be a pilot. So we're going to make you a backseater. In in your the first six months of training, you're actually flying front seat at control. So you're like, Hey, man, I can do this. What? Who cares if I work glasses, right. But you know, they don't look at it that way. That was back in the days before you could have LASIK. And it took a long time, I would say many years of you know, like, why, why? You know, I felt like I was always taking second place. And he was finally probably when I became a lieutenant and had more people under me. It was like, You know what, it's not about what you're doing it but how you're doing it. And what I mean by that is, there's people I'm responsible for, and a family I'm responsible for. Make a difference in their lives. Make a difference in your workplace. To be honest with you, I'm not sure I ever really got over it, you know, of bed. I wish I could be in my son's shoes right now and be able to go get LASIK. But God had different plans. You know, in my tour, my last tour, came down with a heart condition that took me out of flying anyways. So would I be in the airlines right now? No. What would I want that lifestyle? Now I got good friends that do it. God called me to to use my, I guess personal skills to help them sort of find people across the country. Yeah. So one answer that
Todd Halls 15:41
what would you offer someone that that experiences that sort of disappointment, and it's thank you for your openness, that it was really hard, but also that you aren't sure that you really ever got over it, I think is what you said. So, but you but you've walked that journey, pretty significant disappointment and a life dream. That got shut down. So what would you tell? What do you tell somebody? Or what would you offer somebody? Maybe not tell? Maybe, but what would you offer somebody that hits that kind of wall or has that kind of disappointment?
Kevin Hammer 16:19
Keep moving. There's certain things in your life that you can control, and are certain things you can't. And one of the things I could not control was my vision that I could not control the Navy saying you need to 2020 vision period, no ifs, ands or buts about it. So you got to make the best of it. You can choose to be happy, or you can choose to be upset and miserable. Well, I used to tell all my folks, you know, you can put me in a foxhole and Afghanistan. Sure it's gonna stink, it's gonna be miserable. But can I at least make it somewhat tolerable by having a positive to joking around and trying to have fun? Absolutely. So no matter how many lemons are given, oh, well, I don't like the term of lemonade. Let's make some margaritas, you know. So it's all in your mind, in your mind. I'm a firm believer is probably the strongest tool we have. Because it can work for you. And it can work against you. So always stay in that positive mindset. And it's not an easy thing to do. But, you know, that's why you got to surround yourself with folks like you. I use you as an accountability partner every week. And it starts my week off. Fantastic. Thank you.
Todd Halls 17:40
Yeah. My pleasure. So is that and that'd be the follow up question. And when you mentioned the power of, of the mind, and to control kind of our attitudes or moods, etc. What to tools do you use to a keep yourself in the positive mindset? And you just you mentioned one surrounding yourself with the right people? And I think that is absolutely key. But what happened? What happens the times when, when you stumble over it and you go down that path and negative negativity. And for some people, I heard somebody just yesterday talked about this. It's kind of a loop like, Oh, something bad happened, or what's going to be next and I'll, and inevitably, then there's a next. So wondering if you ever experienced that? And it's like, how do you how do you break out of it? When you do find yourself with as my friend Robert would say, with the stinking thinking?
Kevin Hammer 18:44
Yeah, I kind of go back to when my kids were young. I mean, my wife would get on me and she'll tell you back then my mindset was, everything had to be perfect. That's just how the Navy was, you know, attention to detail. If it wasn't perfect. Someone's gonna die. Well, that's not the case in family life. Really, you know, your kid dropped a glass of milk. What's the worst thing that happened? Okay, milks on the floor, big deal. in the big scheme of things, you know, especially now later on in my life, you know, I've lost friends that are young. My son has law, he's 23 years old. He's already lost six friends already in his lifetime. So in the big scheme of things of the state that you're going through, it may feel bad, but learn from it. There's a reason why God put that bump in the road for you. There's a reason I'm a firm believer that so again, it goes back to mindset. If you got a positive mindset you can get through it. Is every day perfect. Absolutely not. I mean, there's days I can I get down on myself like why? Why can't things be better? Why can't I have this? Why can I have that and I find Exercise helps me, I try to, I'll get out and just go take a break. Yourself has to come first. And I use God. I, every morning, I start my day out with meditation, asking God to keep me grounded gear, keep me focused. And sure, I mean, there's there's times that devotion, like, that's not even applicable to me like, why am I doing this, but I tell you what, the days that I needed the most, it was like, wow, that I needed that. So there is a reason for this.
Todd Halls 20:41
He always shows up. If, if you're watching, and it could be in a daily devotional, or maybe some scripture or maybe in something, somebody says a call, but yeah,
Kevin Hammer 20:54
I'll use a perfect example. And I won't use names. But, you know, I was down in the dumps. And as you know, we talked about this of, you know, can I be a successful financial advisor? It's like, the ethical people don't get ahead, you know? And do I really want to continue grinding it out every day for rejection, rejection. And then a good friend of mine, lost his wife. And his current advisor, who is a friend of mine took advantage of, and that reinvigorated me like, Okay, I am here for a reason. And that reason is to truly help. God will take care, he always asked, I've never not gone without matter of fact, I live a pretty nice life. And even today, you know, I get a text from him. Thank you so much. Hey, I got the situation going on with my brother. Can you help? Absolutely. So yeah, God brings things into your life and firmly believe that to, to kind of redirect you, you know, it's like being on the highway, you know, you traffic ahead or accident ahead, God knows ahead of time and kind of redirect you.
Todd Halls 22:10
Yeah, and, you know, oftentimes, we don't see it until we look back. And just so, you know, we were talking about just, we started this with, you know, that daily devotional on the positive side of it, but then your analogy about being on the road, and it's a detour, and that happens, happens a lot in life. And oftentimes, the initial reaction is, well, what now and so you take this detour and, and, you know, it turns out is you take the detour, and I'm going to continue with this metaphor, but you get to drive through some lovely country and maybe over a, you know, an old historic bridge, and you get to see this babbling brook and some nature and then you're back on the road, and, and you realize that you were enriched for the experience, and I think life is like that. And if we're, you know, we don't always know what that you know. We don't always understand why the road took us the way it did until we look back and see God's hand and it
Kevin Hammer 23:11
just made me think of analogy, and I go back to all the time is back when I flew, you know, we meticulously plan for each and every flight from looking over that airplane to getting in it. Hey, you want to take off I'm taking a right I'm going this distance, but you want to know something? I would say more than 75% of the time, it never worked out like you planned it. There's a detour somewhere weather traffic problem with your plate. But in the end, guess what? I always got to my destination I plan for though. I just didn't go from A to B I went from a to c to z and then back to B you know, but I got to my destination I got there safely. And you learn from that. It's pretty cool.
Todd Halls 23:58
It is it is super cool. And I love the analogy because the one thing you didn't say was you don't just give up and stop flying. I mean you you keep with the destination in mind so I think you have to know where you're going but with the destination in mind you you make the adjustments as necessary. And you keep on towards the destination.
Kevin Hammer 24:23
Absolutely. Absolutely. You got to keep your sights on what does that finish look like? That's why I like having short term goals Yeah, yeah
Todd Halls 24:39
what so I'm gonna go all the way back to the beginning. You started school and said you party too much she dropped off and enlisted then what? What was the journey like to end up now as a financial advisor
Kevin Hammer 24:59
Wow. That was a long road, but it was I would change it because it helped me form friendships that lasted forever. I almost look at it as like a fraternity. You know, I started off rough. Like, I'm a troublemaker. I can't do well in school. Well, I can do well in school, I proved that to myself. to Now at the end, it's like, here I am in a, I don't wanna say level authority, but I'm a professional that's giving people advice, and probably one of their most coveted treasures, which is money and it's God's money. That's what helps guide us through life, you know, money, it's not gonna make you happy. Tell you that right now. Some clients, multimillionaires, I swear they're miserable. But yeah, I kind of go back to, you know, my flying days when I when I give planning for wealth, you know, it's you're on that journey. It never goes as planned. But as long as you can stay adaptable, and make the changes necessary and give yourself an out to make those changes. It's all going to work out. Okay, can't can't plan for contingency, though. That's what I've learned from starting out flying to now you cannot plan for every contingency. I didn't see that come on, when I was flying. And I certainly didn't see COVID-19 hitting in the market dropping 50% In a matter of two weeks. You know, but are we better off financially than we were back then? Absolutely. It's all mindset.
Todd Halls 26:46
Coming back to the power power of the mind again. So as a long military career, and then kids and successful marriage to all that. So you've been married a number of years, you successfully raised two children, they're out of the house and contributing to society? How do you? How do you balance all that? Like how did that imagine there's been tension at times like trying to x? I don't have to imagine. I know, there's been tension at times because I experienced it myself as a person that is a business owner, husband, dad, and making it all work. How did you do it?
Kevin Hammer 27:36
Honestly, it's not perfect. If you understand that it's not perfect. And you got to learn to say no, sometimes you got to take care of yourself. And then your family. It has to come first. We're entrepreneurs and we're totally all in on our businesses. I get that. But sometimes you just got to go. I can't get it all done today. And that's okay. The world still gonna go on? Yeah, like I was listening to a book, audio book the other day we're talking about, I would not put more than two essential, productive goals that you need to do for the day, you start going beyond that, and it's too much and your mind gets overwhelmed. So I look at that just with the family, you know, just the other day, you know, there was a we thought it was a crisis. But my daughter, my son called up crying I probably shouldn't say that on a podcast with 23 year old, and I had a drop what I was doing with a client. They can Oh no, I probably ruined this. But you know what, it didn't ruin it. Matter of fact that they respected that they're like, oh, man, yeah, that was cool that you're able to get back home take care of what needs to be taken care of. We can continue on. Yeah, human beings are compassionate. You know, in the society that we live in now, you know, we got these smartphones, we got these computers that go with us everywhere. We're working 24 hours a day sometimes and it's not good. Sometimes you just need to step back and enjoy life. You know, it's, especially in my profession, you know, I help people out with retirement, but is retirement really the last 20 years of your life. But some people never make it to that. So let's enjoy life now. as well. Go spend time with your kids. Spend time with your wife spend time with yourself. Sometimes you got to say no and hope I'm making sense on that.
Todd Halls 29:45
You are you make absolute sense. And it's something that I would Yeah, I would tell my coaching clients or I wouldn't tell them but it's one just one of the strong beliefs that I have time for yourself. Tell me spouse time with your with your kids. And you have to schedule it you have to be intentional about it. And listen to I think it was could have been could be Michael Hyatt maybe Chris McCluskey with professional Christian coaching is super talked about as they as they set up their week and they're there. Their schedule, they put those three those things in first, like literally schedule it. Because work just fills in the gaps mean that there's there's never going to be a shortage of opportunity to work. If you don't schedule those things first, as I just mentioned, work fills in those gaps and and then opportunities missed. So just being intentional about whether it's you know, a date night with your with your spouse or guys hanging out afternoon guy day with with your son or daddy daughter date, whatever it is get it on the calendar, self care, exercise, like make appointments, appointment with VIP appointment VIP. And then I think just important is to honor those appointments. Because that's the other thing I hear sometimes, well, I made the appointments, but then something came up. Well, that wasn't really an appointment then in your head. Because if it was your lawyer, your doctor, your dentist, you would have rescheduled it, or you would have made sure that the appointment didn't get moved. Anyhow. So I'm sorry, I jumped up on my soapbox a little bit. But that because what you said made sense.
Kevin Hammer 31:33
No, it's it's a great analogy. I love it. Cool. So make it if I can add to that, you know, the making memories, you know, you're gonna be on your deathbed and your kids are going to what are they going to really remember, they can remember them the money you left them. Now, they're gonna remember those times you were in the backyard. I want a football or my case, you know, traveling with my daughter from cheerleading event down to Disney World for the 100th time, right? You just made me think of something my daughter went on an anchor first anniversary trip with her husband this past week. And in her mind, it was a disaster. The flights got canceled because of weather lost luggage, all this and that. And I I told her I said you know what, this is probably one of those vacations, you're gonna remember forever. You're gonna laugh. It's gonna, you're gonna look back, it's gonna be enjoyable. She's like, No, I want I said, All right, well ask your brother, what ski trip on all the ski trips we've done together, he remembers the most. And sure enough, it was the one where we had the weather delay. We had to take a bus through the pass of Colorado thinking we're gonna die because it was snowing so hard. We were late, was probably the most fun we read. You don't remember the times when it all went perfect. Make sense? That's my point is
Todd Halls 32:54
it's awesome. It's funny, you put it that way, because it really ties into our analogy earlier about just life in general and, and how plans never work out the way you're supposed to. Or the way they're supposed to. But oftentimes, it's those, it's that very thing that adds and adds the color and excitement and beauty to life that makes it most memorable.
Kevin Hammer 33:15
And it's a journey everyday for me because, you know, like I struggle with? Well, it's got to be this way it has to be. No, I'm learning. You know, I've learned sometimes the one off the beaten path and it's probably the best. Yeah, the memory. Life's too is too short.
Todd Halls 33:37
Making memories. So I think that's a seems like a good place to start heading for for Landon this thing. With that in mind. Remember to take time to make the memories for
Kevin Hammer 33:51
your model. I know it goes to your model. Stay positive, stay focused.
Todd Halls 33:56
Yeah. Yep. as we as we start to wrap this up, if you were, if you had one question that you think we should all be asking ourselves, or maybe one piece of advice, either one so either piece of advice or a question we should be asking ourselves what would what would you offer up?
Kevin Hammer 34:21
First, because the mind is happiness, happiness is not something that you can physically achieve. If that makes sense. It's a mental state. In you're in control of it. You determine whether or not you're happy or not. Again, I'm gonna have fun in a foxhole and Afghanistan. It's all state of mind. If I don't mind, the bad situation doesn't matter.
Todd Halls 34:47
Cool, cool. Cool. Kevin, for anybody looking to get in contact with you to learn more about you to have a call with you. Where do we what's their best way to reach out to you?
Kevin Hammer 34:59
Just Go on line, Merrill Lynch shared Pensacola, Kevin hammer. There are two Kevin hammers in the state of Florida. So I'm Kevin Dodd, hammer ml.com Reach out to me or just got questions, concerns or what's going on. I'm just here to give you a second opinion. friends and friends, human beings helping human beings.
Todd Halls 35:20
Awesome. Cool. Cool. Hey, thanks so much. This has been awesome. Great to have you on. Yeah, so just thank you. Your time is is truly a gift and I appreciate it. So, to our listeners, to all you out there listening. Thanks so much for tuning in. Hey, whatever dreams you have whatever big vision God has given you and put on your heart, remember, you can I believe in you. Until next time, peace. Well, thank you so much for listening. For even more on turning trials into triumphs and seeking and embracing success. Go to Todd halls dot life. That's Todd halls, dot life. And I look forward to serving you. Until next time, be strong, be bold, be humble. Stay healthy, stay hopeful. Peace to you.