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The Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection is the one-stop shop for the Torah inspiration shared by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe in one simple feed. The Jewish Inspiration Podcast, Parsha Review Podcast, Thinking Talmudist Podcast, Living Jewishly Podcast and Unboxing Judaism Podcast all in one convenient place. Enjoy!
00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, texas. This is the Ask Away series on the Everyday Judaism podcast. To have your questions answered on future episodes, please email askaway at torchweb.org. Now ask away.
00:23 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody. Welcome back to the Everyday Judaism podcast. We are now in our favorite part of this class, and that is ask away. Ask any questions you have to those of you who are watching or listening online. You are welcome to share your questions with us. We will hopefully address them in a timely-er fashion. I have a bunch of questions from our listeners and viewers here with us today. We thanked Benjamin for his questions back in episode 22, and now, God willing, we'll address a few of the questions here as well today. Those of you who want to be featured on our Ask Away series, you're welcome to email us at askaway at torchweborg. Askaway at torchweborg. And now to get things started, Ed, go for it.
01:15 - Ed S. (Caller)
Okay, since the language states idolaters and it does not state non-Jew, how does that affect Muslims, since they are not idolaters?
01:24 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
That's a very good question. When we talk about idolaters, we talk people who are not Jewish, who don't carry our values and our concern for the observance of Torah. We use the term as idolater, so we understand the importance. But it's not only someone who is an idolater. Today, you have people who consider themselves atheists or agnostic, et cetera, et cetera. Do they fall into that category as well? Yes, they do, because to them it's not important. The rules of our creator, you understand. So it's not only that, it's someone who's serving idolatry, bowing down to it. I will just tell you just a funny thing, okay. So Friday morning we were supposed to we, my wife and I, just returned from Israel, as previously mentioned in our episode of the Simmon 38 in the Everyday Judaism podcast. But so my wife and I, we were supposed to be departing Tel Aviv at 11.10 pm on Thursday night, arriving at 4.45 in the morning. We had a 6 o'clock flight ready to go. It was like it was enough time. It was supposed to be maybe 4.30. We're going to land at Newark Airport and get on our next plane to Houston with plenty of time for Shabbos. I don't like traveling right before Shabbos, so it was very, very important for me to ensure that we had enough time. So as we get to our gate I get a notification that the flight is delayed, 11.20. And then a few minutes later I get another notification 11.40. And then I get another notification technical difficulties, 12.30 departure time. Now, 12.30 would already be, uh, be too much time. Uh, that I would miss my connecting flight. Okay, but thank God it's Newark, houston. It's not a big deal to get the next flight or the next flight or the next flight. Okay, so I already get notification. They already put me on the seven o'clock flight. I wasn't going to be on the six o'clock flight anymore. Put me on the six o'clock flight anymore. They put me on the seven o'clock flight. I wasn't even sure I was going to make that. And there's a problem because when you get to Newark you have to pull your bags out, you have to go through customs and then put it back in. It's a pain. Okay, generally speaking, I tell people just travel through Europe and your bags go sent straight from Tel Aviv to Houston. So if you stop off in Frankfurt, houston, so if you stop off in Frankfurt, they don't make you pull out your bags, they just transfer it straight or wherever else you transfer through in Europe Either way. So we get there finally and we are rushing getting our bags. Finally, we get the bags, we go through customs, we drop it and now we're like there's no way in the world we're going to get there on time For the 7 o'clock. We took the 810 flight, okay, the 810 am. We arrived here at about 11 o'clock in the morning. Okay, fine, friday.
04:10
As you recall, this past Friday was Rosh Chodesh. I definitely don't have a minion to daven with in the airport in Newark, even though there are. Probably I can find the minion of Jews. I can probably find the minion of Jews around over there. But either way, I wanted to. You know, rosh Chodesh is a special davening. We have halal, we have musaf, we have extra parts that we add to our prayer.
04:34
I wanted to find a quiet place to daven, not in the terminal. So as I'm walking with my wife, I see there's a meditation room. So I go into the meditation room and they have every religion there. You have the Muslims, they have the rugs, and you have the Christians, they have their crosses, and Jews, obviously, are not represented, but either way. So it was very interesting. So the only thing that I needed to ensure is you can't stand in front of a cross and pray. You can't stand in front of a picture of a deity or of a Elohim or another. God should not be placed before you. So I took these really nice curtains over the cross and I just closed the curtains. Any symbolism that I found of other faiths, I made sure they were covered, I put on my tefillin and davened and it was really really special, very, very nice. Now, while I was there, a Muslim guy walked in. He pulled out his rug and he said my wife took a picture of us. I'm saying the Shema and he's bowing down. It's like it was really funny.
05:48
But yeah, so in general, when we talk about idolater, we're talking about an Anjo who doesn't have the same level of caution or concern for Jewish law that a Jew does. Okay, it's not to them. Alright, they have their laws, we have our laws. And to them it's like, okay, it doesn't make a difference, it's not a big deal, but it is a big deal To us. We're very, very concerned and very, very cautious about the food we put into our mouths, so therefore, it's something that it is appropriate for one to use extra caution. Did that answer your question? Yeah, okay, great. So now, before we continue, I want to address Alex. Alex shared a question with us and he said One thing that has confused me, that I thought maybe others have a similar question, a similar confusion why is it that it is encouraged to give a living person flowers when it is forbidden to give a dead person flowers?
06:42
A living person flowers when it is forbidden to give a dead person flowers? I understand the concept of beautifying a Shabbos table, but giving flowers to a person, my understanding is that it is more of a non-Jewish tradition. I thought Judaism encourages more permanent gifts. So, alex, I want to thank you for your question. It is a terrific question and I want to address that before we take more questions here from our.
07:07
Okay, so the first thing is like this there's no traditional Jewish source that tells us that you cannot give flowers. No such source. Okay, now what I think Alex is asking, because he's not here right in front of us, so we're just going to have to make an assumption. Okay, you know, if you're familiar with the custom, when you go to the Jewish cemetery, you put a stone on the tombstone. Why? Because a stone is permanence and what we're saying is the soul is permanent, the body is temporary, and that's true when you go to a cemetery. But the Rambam says, for example Last I checked, women get very happy when they get flowers. Okay, so this would be fulfilling the Rambam.
08:02
The Shulchan Aruch Okay, this is Rambamam Nehilchaz Ishus, chapter 15, halacha 19. So this, alex, I'm giving you the sources the Shulchan Aruch in the Evin Ha'ezer, chapter 73, halacha 2, and the Magan Avram says as follows a husband should give his wife gifts nice clothes, jewelry and pleasant things for Shabbos and Yom Tov and many of our halachic authorities say explicitly, including flowers are in that category. Okay, so you should just know that if you buy your spouse, you hear this Mark. You should just know that if you buy your spouse, you hear this Mark you buy your wife flowers, you are fulfilling a commandment of making your wife happy. Now, even Rav Moshe Feinstein, in the Igros Moshe he writes permitting and praising the buying of flowers for one's wife. Even on Chol HaMoed, in the intermediary days of the holiday, when many purchases are restricted, flowers are not restricted because it increases shlombayit, marital harmony and the simcha of yamtof. It makes your house beautiful, it makes your wife happy and if that's what makes her happy, you buy it.
09:21
Now, it's very interesting that you won't find many men buy flowers for men, right? Because to a man he thinks why would you buy me flowers if they'll be dead by Tuesday? All right, that's the way men think. Right, you want to give me a watch? The watch will work for the next 20 years. You see, that's the amazing thing.
09:40
The difference between how men and women work is that you know, a man is looking for the value and the woman is looking for the connection. Okay, to the woman, you went out of your way and you thought about me. Every one of those petals on those flowers express your thought, your devotion, your commitment, your dedication to this relationship. To a man, it's like he doesn't know how to translate that into something of meaning, because we're wired very differently. You're looking at me like are you crazy? Really, a man would think that way. Yes, you give man flowers. You're like what's wrong with you? Why are you wasting your money?
10:23
But a man who knows what's good for him and he wants to be happily married should learn what flowers she enjoys, should learn what colors are her favorite colors and make sure to not only yeah, I once walked out of a store with flowers and the security guard there checking my receipt, he says to me boy, what did you do? Like it was like some punishment, like I had to buy flowers because I was, you know, I did something, I was guilty of something. I'm like no, I just love my wife. Okay, I just love and I want her to know that and I want to express it and that's. You know, it's like it's not because you did something wrong that you're just trying to appease your wife with flowers. On the contrary, a person should shower their spouse with love endlessly because that will grow the relationship. It'll grow it to make it much more deeper, to make it much more affectionate. It'll make it much more devoted and caring.
11:28
Now, other contemporary poskim like Rebbe Vadi Yosef, rebbe Yashiv, rebbe Shlomo, zahmer Orbach and virtually every modern authority permit and encourage buying flowers for one's wife, even for Shabbos and Yom Tov. Obviously it should be bought in advance. I just want to introduce you to a different halacha. You can't. One of the prohibitions on Shabbos is planting. You're not allowed to plant on Shabbos. You can't tend to your garden. On Shabbos, you can't pull out. You can't pull out the weeds. On Shabbos, you can't plant flowers, so therefore you can't either water your flowers on Shabbos, okay.
12:07
So if you do buy flowers for your spouse, make sure you put it in water before Shabbos, which, by the way, it's another thing. I think it's not only enough to buy the flowers, prepare them, put them in the vase, make it beautiful, put in that food, the flower food, right, make it, get it ready. And, just as a side recommendation, don't use tap water for your flowers, okay, because there's fluoride and things like that in the water that can kill your flowers. You're wondering why they die after a day. It doesn't make any sense. Use better water and it should last longer. Okay, that's just a side note from your florist here. Okay, that's right. Happy wife, happy life. What's that the gardener exactly? I have like two black thumbs, so don't come to me for gardening advice, okay.
12:55
But buying it on a weekday, cutting it before Shabbos, having it prepared, is a very, very, very special thing. There is, again, no prohibition against giving flowers to your spouse. That is something that needs to be very, very clear. And it is nice, it is appropriate, it is recommended for you, alex, go out and buy flowers for your wife. I think she will be very, very grateful that you did, and she says what's this for? And it's just like because today is just a beautiful day to say how much I love you. That's why, and there doesn't need to be any motive behind it. There doesn't need to be. The motive should be I love you, that's it, and it's a great expression of love.
13:40
I will tell you, though and this is probably why Alex even emailed this beautiful question to us is because I mentioned previously that my rabbi was witnessed by one of his students spending a lot of time picking out exactly which flower for his wife. He knew exactly what color, what blend of flowers she appreciated and enjoyed, and that's how much care and meticulous attention he spent to make sure that the flowers were the right ones and to make sure that they looked perfect, exactly what she enjoyed, and that is the Torah tells us to beautify the Shabbos. The Torah tells us to spend time making your house beautiful for Shabbos. That doesn't mean that just your seat should be beautiful. Make sure that all the seats around the table are beautiful. Make sure that for everybody in your home it's special for Shabbos, particularly your spouse. You want your spouse to enjoy the Shabbos as well, and for them to feel special. And when they see those flowers every single day Sunday, monday, tuesday after Shabbos, it also sparks an affectionate message of love where they feel, oh, someone cared about me, went out of his way and bought it.
14:58
Now it shouldn't be taken lightly. Don't put it on autopilot, where every day you get it and every Friday it comes, delivered from the florist you know, and then it could lose its meaning. It doesn't have the same impact, right, go out of your way, pick it out yourself, don't have someone do it for you and don't get the one that's just available. Go seek it out. Costco has a great selection of flowers. Okay, costco does. Trader Joe's also, and Randall's had of blessed memory. Right, we miss our Randall's over here. They had a great selection of flowers. But yeah. So, alex, thank you for your question. We appreciate it very, very much. We do have some more questions here, but I want to take some more questions here from the floor.
15:48 - Carlos C. (Caller)
We learned Gamzul Etova. Yeah, can someone have lots of Ebon and B'tachon? That can be counterproductive when Hashem wants our tears and our heavy prayer when we ask him for something. But now I have much bitachon that I don't.
16:11 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Okay. So let me explain. Let me try to explain your question. Okay, the gates of tears are always open. The gates of tears are always open.
16:17
Tears doesn't mean that you're giving up hope. Tears doesn't mean that you don't have evmuna. Tears doesn't mean that you don't have proper trust in Hashem. Okay, on the contrary, tears, you have tears when you're happy, too. Right, tears of joy.
16:32
Tears is an expression, a very deep internal expression. Tears are very powerful in prayer. So you're asking if a person has emunah and bitachon, then he knows everything's going to be taken care of by Hashem. So what do I need to cry? Why do I need to even say gamzul tova? I know that everything is going to be for the best. Am I addressing your question appropriately? Okay, good. So here's the thing.
16:57
Is that not everyone's at that level, and a person sometimes needs to reaffirm. You know, they have today, they have these things. They call it affirmations. If you say it enough, you'll believe it. If you say it enough, you'll feel it. If you say it enough, you'll manifest it. Okay, if a person our sages said this, a person should always say Gam Zulotova. This is also for the good. I don't know how, but it is. That's right now. But when a person continues to say that again and again, and again and again, then what he does is he magnifies that inside his consciousness and his subconsciousness, where he has no more fears and no more worries. So you're using it to re-strengthen yourself more and more and more every single day to ensure that Hashem has got it. He's in control.
17:51
The world today is suffering of anxiety and worry and fear. Why? What's the problem? Today we have more at our fingertips than they had on the space shuttle in 1969 that went to the moon. In your not smartphone, you have more technology in there than they had on that space shuttle, on that rocket, on the Apollo 11. It's an amazing thing. We have so much technology, we have so much power at our fingertips. You know what the problem is, know the big problem is.
18:30
Big problem is that we get a feeling that we're in control of everything, and the more we feel like we're in control, we feel like we have to know the results before it even happens. What's the worry? The worry is what's going to be. I don't know what it's going to be. So I'm worried because I have control of everything. I determine everything, I type it on my phone and I know right away what exactly what's going to be. And when there's something that I don't know, which is basically everything in life of what's going to be, then I get anxious and I get worried, and I get concerned and I'm afraid what's going to be, what's going to be, I say just tell us Relax, okay, relax.
19:09
That's not what you tell your wife. You don't tell your wife relax, but don't worry, okay, stop. What you do is you reaffirm to yourself Gam Zul Tova, this, too is for the best, even though I don't know how, I don't know why, it doesn't make sense to me even, but it will turn out to be the best. Why? Because Hashem only does what's best for me, even the things that are painful, even the things that are challenging, even the things that right now, at this very moment, hurt me and concern me. I know that, ultimately, he only does what's best for me. And the more you say it, that's why the Talmud tells us and we learned this in our thinking Talmudist right, in our Thinking Talmudist podcast, we discussed that gemara, which says that a person should always say Gam Zulatova, say it again and again and again Gam Zulatova, gam Zulatova. This too is for the good. This, too, is for the good. You know what you got into a fender bender. This, too, is for the good. How? I don't know how I don't, but I know that Hashem has a plan here. Hashem has a plan here, and that plan is what we pray every day.
20:28
Now, about crying Crying is a very, very powerful expression between us and the Almighty, and it's one that we should want more and more closeness with Hashem. Tears has a way of like melting away all barriers, and when a person is asking for something and a person is able to cry, what they're able to do is really bring that request to the top of the pile, and it's a very special thing for a person to be able to just pour out their heart to Hashem and to ask Hashem for everything that they desire. And Hashem hears, and Hashem answers every single prayer. The Talmud says there is no prayer that returns unanswered. There is no prayer that returns unanswered. There is no prayer that returns unanswered. Do you hear that, anna? No, both of you. No, no prayer that returns unanswered. Every single prayer is answered.
21:33
Now, the answer might be no, but it's answered. There's no such thing that a prayer goes unanswered, and the answer could also be Anna, not now, later. I got you covered, but now is not the right time Now. There are other things that you need to focus on, and sometimes Hashem says not right now, it's going to take another month or two or a year or 10 years, but I got your prayer and don't stop. Don't say, okay, I prayed for it once or twice and I'm done because I prayed for it. No, more and more because it's the more you can add urgency to the prayer. We talked about this a little bit in our prayer podcast. I look forward, god willing, to talk about it more, god willing, this Tuesday when we have our prayer, our next prayer episode. All right, did I answer your question? Okay, great.
22:23 - Anna S. (Caller)
Next question Anna with two Ns.
22:29 - Carlos C. (Caller)
You said an idolater is one who doesn't observe our laws.
22:31 - Anna S. (Caller)
So another Jew technically could be an idolater.
22:35 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Well, we don't call Jews idolaters, but yeah, it could be a concern of someone who's not observing of the law and to them it may not be important, but it can get sticky. I'll tell you, the Mishnah says the Jewish people are all righteous. So I don't like to call anybody an idolater, someone who's Jewish, just because their observance level is different or not existent. I don't want to call a non-Jew that title. But definitely you want to find someone who is scrupulous and concerned for the laws of the Torah and is God-fearing. That's very important.
23:20 - Anna S. (Caller)
This brings me to another question. Sure, as a convert, I've gone to very observant events and taken a store-bought item that had the OU and I watched very discreetly as they removed it from anyone to have access to it.
23:42 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yeah, so that could be offensive. I understand that. So it could be that they didn't see that it was kosher. They didn't know, they're not familiar with the product, they're not familiar with the. I don't know what people's stringencies might be Generally speaking. Generally speaking, you know, it could be that it was. It could be that it opened in the process.
24:08
In transportation there are things that can happen that concern people Like I don't know it. Better be safe than sorry. Like the guy on the airplane, like the guy in the airplane, exactly. Um, you want to be careful, you want to be, you want to be cautious? Uh, because you are what you eat, spiritually as well as physically. Okay, you see this flesh right here. This flesh was once food and your body recycles your skin and everything that's in your body approximately every 30 days. So this was once food. So physically and spiritually, you're affected by the food you eat. So people are very, very concerned. They want to make sure.
24:54
Now, if it's kosher, there's no reason for them to move it aside. Maybe it was dairy and they're having a meat meal. Maybe it was meat and they're having a dairy meal, right. So that can also be a concern. But, generally speaking, if something's kosher, it's kosher right and there shouldn't be an extra limitation to your food. But it probably was just an oversight. Again, I don't. I don't know. Maybe that's not what they wanted to serve that day. Maybe they wanted to keep it all for themselves because it was so delicious they wanted to save it for their snacks. It was delicious.
25:26 - Anna S. (Caller)
Okay, there you go.
25:27 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Okay.
25:28 - Anna S. (Caller)
One more question, the last one One um bet den can't overrule another, bet den can't overrule another bed. Din Right, but we have bed dins in different movements, and different movements don't necessarily honor the other movement's rulings.
25:46 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Correct.
25:46
Okay, so this is a big, big, big question to discuss. When we talk about halachic rulings, okay, what is the foundation of all rulings? What is the Torah? Okay, that's what we're trying to do is trying to live a Torah life. We're trying to absorb Torah into our consciousness, into our daily living, into our every thought, into our every movement. We're trying to live a godly life.
26:13
I had someone over at my house who just showed up yesterday and he asked me. He says we were getting into this conversation about like being a mensch and things like that, and he said to me but the Torah doesn't tell us that. I said the Torah actually does. If you look, the Torah tells you exactly how one should conduct themselves. The Torah tells us exactly what it means to be an upstanding citizen, what it means to be. You know, I was in, I was in.
26:39
I was in in Israel last week and I was at a bus stop and my wife was having a difficult time walking. So she was sitting and I was standing next to her and there was another seat right behind where I was standing that someone could sit. I saw an elderly woman. I said I moved aside where I was standing that someone could sit. I saw an elderly woman. I said I moved aside. I said to her I'm sorry, you can come sit down. And her face like lit up. And she said I can see. I can see, I can see your values, because typically people don't just offer me a seat. You know people don't. I was like yeah, that's what the Torah tells us to do. Me pnei sevat takum. The Like yeah, that's what the Torah tells us to do, me'pnei se'vatakum. The Torah says stand up for an older person. See, even if I wasn't sitting, I was just blocking the seat. I moved aside so that she can sit down. That's what the Torah tells us. It's not like I'm some hero. The Torah tells us this is our value. You give someone else a seat. Whether the person is handicapped, whether the person is elderly, you give them a seat. That's what the Torah says. So it's not like, oh, you're such a nice guy. No, that's what Hashem says you need to do. The Torah tells us Hashem prescribes this in His Torah. This is the right thing for you to do. So. That's the essence of all halacha. That's the essence of all halacha. That's the essence of all Jewish life.
27:58
Now let me ask you a question. If you studied the Torah and you learned through the Torah, would you understand that lighting, igniting a fire is prohibited on Shabbos? Of course, why? Because the Torah explicitly says so. Okay, so now if let's say I, god forbid, god forbid, not me, if a person decided to light a fire on Shabbat, would you go ask them for advice on how to observe Shabbat? Why not? But they're a Jew. Okay, now how about? Let me ask you a different question. If a Jew decided to believe that the Torah wasn't given to the Jewish people at Mount Sinai it was just a few rabbis got together and put together this book Would you go to that person for advice on how to observe the Torah? No, okay, well, that's the Reform Movement. Okay, the Reform Movement doesn't believe in its own documents. It's not me judging. They don't believe the Torah was given to Moses and Mount Sinai.
29:03
So then, on what are those rulings applying? Based on what I had, a dear friend of mine, a Reform Rabbi, and he was right here in the Torch Center On an episode. You can hear this episode. He said God gets a vote, not a veto. Okay, that's what halacha means to him God gets a vote, but not a veto. Well, to me that's heresy, like blatant heresy, because God gets the veto of everything. It's his world, it's his Torah. He decides, he gives us the rules, he gives us the guidance, he gives us the instruction how to apply that. Okay, now you have to be very careful about how to apply that and use every single principle of the Torah, not go on to my own thing.
29:52
Now let's go to the conservative movement. The conservative movement in the 1960s got together a group of their rabbis and made a ruling which was catastrophic. That ruling was that people can drive to shul on Shabbat, only to shul. Anybody. Familiar with that, everyone's familiar Conservative movement. That's their. They allow it. Why? They give all of their reasons. Only a few years later they reversed it, but nobody cared because it was like it was out of the cat, was out of the bag. It was too late, but what was it based on to begin with? What was it based on to begin with? Okay, it was based on, in my opinion, very flawed logic and not Torah-based principles.
30:46
Their issue was like this they weren't looking at the letter of the law, they were looking at the reality on the ground. And on the reality of the ground they were saying look, people like to move to suburbs, people like to move to further, people like to move to further places than where their synagogue is. So why don't we make it more possible for them to be in synagogue? Let's just allow them to drive just to shul and that's it. And that way we don't lose the fabric. And I'm not going to be here cynical and say that they were just worried about membership. Okay, there are people who say that I'm not going to be here cynical and say that they were just worried about membership. There are people who say that I'm not going to say that they were that Texas and they're not coming to synagogue. Right, and they're not coming to synagogue, even though they allowed them to and they lost the fabric of community.
31:47
It used to be that if you wanted to know where the Jewish community was, just look for the shul, look for the synagogue and you'll know exactly where the Jewish community is. That's not the case anymore. In Reform conservative congregations it says parking spot reserved for the rabbi seven days a week. That's a tragedy, and I'm not being judgmental. I love them. I love them with all my heart and soul. They're my brothers and sisters, like every other Jew. That's a tragedy. Brothers and sisters like every other Jew. That's a tragedy. Okay, so is that a court that you want to, a rabbinic court that you want to take advice from in guiding you on what is or what isn't kosher, what is or what isn't the proper way of the Torah? Everyone can make their own judgment. To me, that's not a standard that passes the bar of relevancy in Judaism.
32:44
I had someone at one of our board meetings in Torch. We got into a whole conversation. I don't remember exactly. This was many years ago and he said to me this guy was not religious, not religious whatsoever. He said do me a favor. He says I don't want a rabbi who drives to shul on Shabbos telling me how to observe Shabbat. Okay, and this guy was not religious. Okay, he says you can teach me a lot of things, but that's not your basket of fruit. Okay, that's not your thing, it's not your shtick okay.
33:17
It means there's certain things that a person needs to have as a basic foundation before they can get into becoming a rabbinic court, and the first, the basic premise, is believing in the Torah, and the second is observing the Torah. Third is learning and knowing and internalizing the messages of the Torah. So it's not just such a simple thing. It's like well, there are different courts and one is not respecting the other. Well, you won't find that within the Torah observance I don't like the orthodox term in general, it's Torah observance.
33:55
Just because someone labels themselves as Orthodox doesn't mean anything Observing the Torah. You will not find that one court will overrule another court, unless you're talking about seniority, someone who's significantly more knowledgeable, more okay. But when someone comes to a rabbi and asks a question, they can't go to another rabbi and the other rabbi overrule it. They have to tell the other rabbi. I spoke to this rabbi, I got this ruling and he allowed me to go to you to get another ruling, right, you know. And then he'll try to understand why did he give that ruling. If he was wrong or if there was an oversight, or if there's information that hasn't been shared, with some cases, you know there would be a detail that's left out that changes everything right. So you have to be very, very careful.
34:48
So I don't want to get into it. The truth is, this whole the question is a great question. My answer makes me very uncomfortable because I don't like labels and I don't like calling out the limitations or shortcomings of other people, but I think that there's a lot that as Jews, we need to grow much more in our connection to Torah, true values, and I think that we're in a generation that has become more and more secularized. We're in a generation that has become more and more secularized and, sadly, politics has played more role in different parts of Judaism than Torah, and I think that that's a tragedy. We shouldn't be a wing of any party. We should be adhering to the commands of the Torah, and the Torah only, and not become you know. So I hope I answered some of your question, my pleasure, thank you.
35:48 - Ed S. (Caller)
This is kind of a question, kind of more of a verification. I think I know the answer. You were mentioning your airfare, I mean your travel, and you mentioned before shabbat, both times, right um, is there an issue with flying during shabbat? I mean, you're not a pilot, you're not operating the plane, but there's engines next to you and things. So just wondering, is there any issue with you flying on shabbat?
36:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
right.
36:13
So there is there are. The answer is yes. There are many significant issues. There's the issue of traveling from there's domain to domain issues. There's leaving the community, meaning a person traveling more than 2,000 amot on Shabbat is also problematic.
36:34
I don't want to get into the details of each of them, but say someone was on a cruise. They can be on the cruise on Shabbos, they can, but they cannot get off it on Shabbos and they cannot get on it on Shabbos. Okay, Okay, Okay. So if you find one of those cruises that leaves on a Sunday and comes back on Sunday, that's fine the last day. If they stop in Bermuda, wherever they stop, you cannot get off the boat. You cannot get off the cruise On Shabbos, you stay. You cannot change from domain to domain. Now you also have to be very cautious because this can happen in a hotel. They have those automatic doors. They have those key fobs or whatever, those cards that open the door. Those are problematic as well. They have solutions to it. Many of those cruises will have key locks for the doors or you know, there are options that this can happen in any hotel. There's also the many of the bathrooms have automatic sensors for the flush right, that can also be a problem. So these are all things to consider when traveling, but to answer your question regarding flying on Shabbat, it is not appropriate to fly on Shabbat. The Torah prohibits that and that would be. Any form of travel is not appropriate for Shabbat.
37:59
Now it's an interesting thing that if you look at the things that the Torah prohibits, that the rabbis prohibit on Shabbat, the rabbis like swimming. The swimming is a rabbinic prohibition. Riding a horse on Shabbat is a rabbinic prohibition. The Torah doesn't prohibit that. The rabbis prohibited it. Why? These are vacation-like things.
38:19
Shabbos is not vacation, and that's a big contrast that needs to be made. Shabbos is not vacation. Shabbos is a day to invest in your spiritual relationship with God. Shabbos is a day to remove yourself from the physical world and involve your spiritual world, building your relationships with your family, with your children, with your spouse, with your community. Shabbos is not about vacationing, and our sages were concerned specifically things that are vacation-like, like horseback riding, like swimming. These are things that we do when we're on vacation, when we go out to the resort, and these are things that you would do. These are things that we do when we're on vacation, when we go out to the resort and these are things that you would do. These are things that we don't do on Shabbat, because that's not what Shabbat is. You can have Sunday for that. Sunday is a day for vacation. That's fine.
39:08
Shabbat is a day of holiness. It's a day of, not a day, even if people, oh, it's a day of rest, so I'm going to go to the beach. No, that's not what Shabbat is about. You could rest on the beach, but there's very particular ways to do that in a valid way on Shabbat. Okay, yes, I've gone.
39:25
I actually I motivated my children one year that if we cleaned for Pesach, for Passover, before a certain Shabbos which was like a week and a half before Pesach that we'll go to an Airbnb in Galveston. And they did it, they earned it. So we all went and we stayed in an Airbnb right about 100 feet from the beach and again. But there are certain restrictions regarding being on a beach on Shabbat. Right, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy and you can't relax, you can. But definitely not that. We drove there before Shabbat. We had all our food prepared, everything like an ordinary Shabbos, but the location happened to be near a beach. Okay, that's different, All right, but that's a good question. I appreciate that, David. Any other question, Marilyn, you always have great questions, my mind.
40:27 - Marilyn Robinson (Caller)
Marilyn Robinson, and what's on my mind is the anxiety that is felt today about Israel and the Jews, anxiety that is felt today about Israel and the Jews, and I'm curious what your opinion is after going to Jerusalem, what is going to happen to Israel?
40:48 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Okay, what a great question. So okay, so it's an excellent question. You're right, it is something that everybody's thinking about. It is a point of significant concern for many Jews around the world. You know what's the only demographic of Jews that is not concerned about that? The Jews living in Israel. It's the most amazing thing.
41:11
I was in Israel. You wouldn't know that Iran sent over 500 ballistic missiles to Israel. You wouldn't know that there was, in October 7th yes, you see many people with the yellow pins. Still, I still have one. I have to put mine back on until every single hostage is released, even those who have passed or were murdered, and their bodies are still in Gaza. Until every single one is back home.
41:39
We should have it to remember and to not forget about our brothers and sisters. But it's an amazing thing that when you're in Israel, you almost don't feel that Over here, it's like in the news. Like Israel, there's so much talk about Palestinian state. No, palestinian state. I was there. I didn't hear a word about it. I literally did not hear a word about it. And I was in town, I was in the marketplace, I went to the Shuk, I went here, I went there. Nobody talking about it. It's like it's just a beautiful country with unbelievable resilience, with an unbelievable rebirth that you see on. It's like it's just in front of your eyes. We should do a trip. We should do a trip to Israel to just see and experience and witness for ourselves the holiness. Holiness means potential, the holiness of the land and the resilience of the people is just unbelievable. It is unbelievable to see. It's just. There's such an incredible life that people live there. That is, you know, in a totally different you know the people understand they're living in a world that Hashem promises in His Torah that he will protect the Jewish people.
43:03
The Jewish people will never be annihilated. We were always worried about it. We were worried about it from the right, we were worried about it from the left. We were worried about it in Germany, we were worried about it in England, we were worried about it in Spain. We were worried about it. Wherever the Jewish people were, there were, we were worried about it. Wherever the Jewish people were, there were pogroms.
43:27
There's a history of the Jewish people being annihilated, persecuted, pogroms, blood libels, holocaust. We have these things. I have some place here on my desk. I have a list of the last 2,000 years. There hasn't been 10 years where there wasn't a mass attack on the Jewish people. 10 years of quiet, not 10 years. It's unbelievable, right? Do you remember? In Argentina, they blew up the JCC there, killed people there. That was what that was 20 years ago, right, you think about it. And then we have October 7th, obviously. You think about it, and then we have October 7th, obviously, but there hasn't been. And the miracle is, is that here we are in the United States of America, the only country in the history that hasn't persecuted the Jewish people. Now we're worried because there are people on the right and the left, alt-right, alt-left that are saying the same anti-Semitic rhetoric and it's concerning and it's jarring, and it is sometimes like it makes you feel uncomfortable. You're like, okay, these crazies, I was used to them being anti-Semitic, but these guys and then it's like vice versa, and it's like people.
44:32
Hashem is always reminding us that he is in charge. Hashem is always reminding us that he is the one we put our trust in, hashem, and Hashem only Not in our governments, not in our arms, not in our weapons, not in our technology, not in our. You know brilliance. You know Israelis are very, very, very bright and they've created the most unbelievable weaponry and they have. It's like it's just unbelievable, and yet, right under their nose, thousands of terrorists came into Israel on Simchat Torah morning on October 7th 2023.
45:12
Well, how does that happen when you have the best Mossad, the best intelligence agency, the best Shin Bet, the best military?
45:24
How does that happen? It happens when Hashem says it should happen, and that's Hashem reminding us don't get too high on your horse that you have all the power and you have all the answers. We need to be humble, we need to be consistent in our connection with Hashem, and Hashem wakes us up. Sometimes he slaps us from the right, sometimes he slaps us on the left. He says, guys, stay focused, don't get carried away. Don't get carried away by a world filled with distractions, by a world filled with temptations. Hashem is saying, guys, wake up. You're my children. I love you, I want you close, I want you near and dear to me. I hope I answered your question. Yeah, they're not feeling the same fear that we are feeling. Definitely not, because we are worried about what's going to be. They live in it every day, you know. It's like someone was telling me. He says that the aggressiveness of the drivers in Israel is something to behold. Well, they all came.
46:33
Well, you know, someone was telling me, from the moment the light turns from red to yellow because it turns red, yellow, green and then it goes back to yellow red after the green and from that you have about 0.02 seconds before the person behind you honks the horn. They're so on edge, like relax, it's okay, nothing's going to happen. Like they're so on edge, like relax, it's okay, nothing's going to happen. Like everyone's so on edge and people ask, like what's wrong with them? Like why can't they calm it down a little bit? Well, you never woke up in the morning drinking, sipping on your coffee, knowing that every nation around you has missiles to your doorstep. When you grow up, when you live with that thought, then you'll know why they have that attitude. Okay, but it's their survival. It's their survival.
47:25
So that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be nice to one another. It doesn't mean that we shouldn't be caring and concerning to one another, the greatest kindness possible you'll find among those same people. And when there was an earthquake and when there was even in Iran, there was an earthquake in Iran who's the first nation to offer assistance? Israel. What do you mean? They hate us, they're sworn enemies. Why should we offer that? No, we offer Because that's the way we are as people. It's the same people that will honk the horn, that will take the shirt off their back and give it to you without even thinking twice. It's the special people, the Jewish people.
48:04 - Intro (Announcement)
All right, I have two hard questions. Go for it, all right. What's a really, really good kosher sandwich Other than a Reuben?
48:19 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I'm not a Reuben fan, I'm actually a Rachel fan, what's?
48:21 - Intro (Announcement)
a Rachel.
48:22 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
The pastrami you got to go to. The HEB in Austin has an outstanding pastrami. I'm a big pastrami fan, so that's. But you know, pastrami, corned beef, I'll take all of them, all deli sandwiches. They're all terrific, but the HEB one in Austin, okay, I don't know why nobody's been able to replicate it.
48:46 - Intro (Announcement)
I mean we have.
48:48 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
That's right, yeah, yes, that's a very difficult question, but I appreciate it. Next question it's just the way it's done. It's just the way and done.
48:58 - Ed S. (Caller)
It's just the way.
49:00 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
No, no, no, they have a kosher Reuben, don't worry, they have a kosher Reuben.
49:03 - Intro (Announcement)
Yeah, you didn't give me another alternative To what To the Reuben you said the Rachel was.
49:11 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
The Rachel is pastrami, the other one is corned beef with sauerkraut and this one is with Do you have another one that I might investigate?
49:21 - Intro (Announcement)
Asking for a friend.
49:22 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I'll tell you, I will tell you, I will tell you In Israel, I had a magnificent sandwich.
49:27
Magnificent. It was a crunchy chicken sandwich. It was absolutely amazing. We had it when we were there and then we said you know what? We're gonna get it again when we're traveling On our way back to the United States. That was our to-go sandwich my wife and I got because we were like it was so terrific we'd get it again. So I'm not a big food. I don't like talking about food. Food is a way to sustain your body. It's not an end onto its own. But, yeah, definitely. Israel has come a long way. I'll tell you what the food is unbelievable there. Their wines are just outrageously delicious. All right, go for it. Another one.
50:07
Yeah, go for it Sure. Yeah, next difficult question. That was the first difficult question. I'm worried about the second.
50:14 - Intro (Announcement)
Is it okay to idolize your wife, like I guess I kind of idolize my mom. I don't have a wife yet but I've had girlfriends in the past and have always been flowery and gifts and stuff. Is it okay to? Should you, idolize your girlfriend?
50:33 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Okay, so we have to go to the question of what is a wife, what is the purpose of marriage, what is the purpose of it all? I don't know how much time we have, but we are way over time. So let me tell you like this. Okay. So let me tell you like this. Okay. So let me tell you like this the purpose of marriage is to bring two halves of a soul together. Okay, your wife is not an object, your wife is not a thing. Your wife is the second half of you. So if you understand that she is that, then you better believe, you better cherish that second half of you, because without that second half of you, you're nothing. Without that second half of you, you're not complete. Without that second half of you, you will not attain your level of perfection. You're not complete. Without that second half of you, you will not attain your level of perfection as you should. That's the purpose of marriage. The purpose of marriage is not to just have a flowery, nice, superficial relationship where there may or may not be benefits on the side. That's not what relationship is. That's not what marriage is about. What marriage is about is recognizing. This person is here, ezer Kinegdo, a helper, who's going to challenge you, to make you your perfect being. So if that's the case and someone is willing to give up their life to be with you, then you know what. It's very important for you to show them that appreciation as frequently as you can and to remind them the love, the appreciation, the passion that you have for them. It's not just like oh, this is someone with mutual benefits, here you need companionship and I need someone to cook dinner for me, so this is great. No, that's not what marriage is about. Marriage is about perfecting yourself with this person Becoming. Yeah, you know what I used to be selfish, but now she taught me to be selfless. She taught me what it means to be giving. She taught me what it means to be honest. She taught me what it means to be honest. She taught me what it means to be modest. She taught me what it means to be humble. These are things that you learn in a relationship of marriage.
52:56
I had a friend of mine who was divorced and after he got divorced I sat with him for a little bit and we talked. I said to him did you guys fight a lot before you got divorced? He said actually you'll be surprised. We never fought, never fought, never, never fought. I was shocked, but then it made all the sense in the world. They didn't have a relationship either.
53:18
If you don't have a relationship, there's no investment in the relationship. So then there's. It doesn't coincide. You go here, I go there. Once in a while we'll meet, we'll have children. Goodbye, there's no relationship. What's that? There's no connection.
53:34
It was mutually beneficial at the time for them to be together for whatever reason, and that's it. And then it was unpleasing for them, so then they just ended it. There was no relationship for there to be a discord. Now, discord doesn't mean hate. There can be disagreements, there could be mistakes, there could be things that don't go the way you want it or the way you like it. That's fine.
53:59
That's dealing with another human being. Anytime you're with another human being, there are things that they're going to do or say or act that you're not going to appreciate. That's not the way I grew up. That's not my custom. That's not the way I eat, that's not the way I throw my laundry on the floor. That's not the way, whatever it is, that a person does. I don't squeeze my tube of toothpaste like this. Why do you do it like that. These are small things. These are small things when you consider the big relationship that needs to grow and develop and if a person neglects them, they become very big things. All right, I sat with a couple and don't laugh because it's not funny, okay, but okay, you might think it's funny, it's not funny, okay, okay.
54:45
So she was very upset that when he prepared her her salad, the cheese wasn't crumbled. She likes it crumbled, it was chunky and she it was. It was chopped, it wasn't crumbled, right, you know, they have that salad what is it? The Greek salad, and it should be crumbled. And she felt that he didn't love her because of that, because he cut it instead of crumbling it with his hands.
55:15
Now you might think that's ridiculous. Well, it depends. To her it wasn't ridiculous at all because to her it was very important and she expects that the things that are important to her be important to him. Okay, now we say that come on and the big scream of things, that's so childish and it's so insignificant and so irrelevant. That's not true. To her, that's something that's important. So that should be something that's important to him. Now, to me it's not important. That should be something that's important to him. Now, to me it's not important, to you it's not important To her, it is, and that's the uniqueness of marriage, that's the beauty of it. The beauty of marriage is that I can't say to her you know something that's ridiculous, grow up. Okay. You can't say that, because to her it is. So he one second.
56:06
What I'm trying to explain here is that marriage has nothing to do with the norms of what other people consider normal. To her, this is important. To her, this is important and therefore, to him it should be important. You understand, he's not married to another woman, he's married to her, and if it's important to her, it needs to be important to him. That's what I'm trying to say and that's why I was saying it's like, it's funny, because it's an example that seems like, oh, give me a break, right, but it's a big thing because to her it's a big thing. Now you could say, well, that's ridiculous. Okay, to me something that's serious, right, and someone will give you a different example, like you'll think, what that's serious to you? Yes, to them, that is To them. That is.
56:57
And the thing is, is that being in a relationship, being in a relationship means that you're creating a bond with another person. That's not saying I'll tolerate them while I'm with them, but then shoo, okay, I'm out, I'm freedom now, I'm going with my boys and I'm going to be able to watch the game without them bothering me. No, you're just running away from your problems. You have to learn to embrace the challenges, to embrace the differences and learn to grow with them.
57:26
So if your spouse has a habit that you don't like, you have two options. You can correct them on their bad habit. Because of the way they eat, because of the way they talk, because of the way they walk, because of whatever it is, because of the way they laugh, because of the way they sneeze, whatever it may be. Okay, everyone has their. But you understand that everyone has their things, their, what we call a mishigas. Everyone has their nonsense that bothers them. Or you can say you know what? I accept this person for who they are, as is alright, and I accept them for their flaws. I accept them with their virtues, with their qualities, and I prefer to focus more on their qualities than their flaws. We're not here to make our spouse flawless. We're here to take them in their exact composite and elevate ourselves with them and become a new unit here that becomes inseparable. That's what we're trying to do here Now.
58:33
A man has a lot more that they need to correct than a woman does. A woman is built for marriage. A man is not. A man has to adapt to a lot more than a woman does in marriage. My eight-year-old daughter is as ready as any woman for marriage. Okay, she's built for marriage. She knows what it means to be caring and responsible and thoughtful. And you take my 12-year-old son and he has no idea what in the world marriage would ever mean, has no idea what in the world marriage would ever mean. Okay, women are relationship beings. They are marriage vessels, right, and men are not. Men need to. I'll give you an example.
59:22
My grandfather and I we mentioned this previously when we talked about the topic of arrogance we went to my grandfather and we asked and we were working on different traits while we were in yeshiva my grandfather is yeshiva and we were. We were working on different traits while we were in yeshiva my grandfather's yeshiva and we were talking about arrogance. So we went to my grandfather and said what's the path to work on one's arrogance? What do you need? He says guys, you don't need to worry about this. He says you get married, your wife will take care of it right away. So you understand that this is yeah.
59:46
We as men, we have certain tendencies and certain things that are going to need to be improved for us to have a healthy relationship. Now, if a man wants to be a dictator in his home and he says, do this and do that so he'll have a miserable wife, and that's not what we call a happy marriage and that's not what the Torah wants us to. It says the halacha says that a man should not be like that in his home. A man should not be a dictator in his home. That's not the way you build a wholesome relationship.
01:00:16
If you look at how our sages were with their wives, you look at how they treated them like they were an angel, the honor and the respect and the love that they showed. I remember how my grandfather treated my grandmother with the utmost, like the awe that he had for his wife, for my grandmother was just unbelievable. Like you, just like you cry. It's so beautiful to see such a harmonious, romantic, beautiful relationship. It's like, wow, how do I get myself that you can in every single relationship. But it takes a lot of working on oneself to realize I'm not here to fight this other person. The other person is here not to fight me. They're here to help build me and to to fight this other person. The other person is here not to fight me. They're here to help build me and to make me a better person. And as long as we look at a relationship as such, it'll be very fruitful and we'll have many, many happy years of beautiful, beautiful marriages, and that's our goal. Our goal is to expand love right and to have a world which is much more refined because of our marriages.
01:01:30
Did I answer your question? Mark got it alright. My dear friends, this concludes this episode of Ask Away on the Everyday Judaism Podcast. My dear friends, thank you so much for joining us. We do have a comment here from. Can you please help me find the source in the Torah about the laws of conversion? Okay, so you got to look at the Rambam. Oh, chaim Rafael, you're here on both places. You're here on the Zoom and you're here on so talented, that's you right? You posted that, all right? So, yes, I'll send it to you. I will. You know what. If you could just text it to me, I will also share it in our next episode of Ask Away. That way I can share it with all of our listeners. But I will send you that information as well. It's in the Rambam, the Rambam talks about it and I will get all that information to you. My dear friends, have an amazing week.
01:02:19 - Intro (Announcement)
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