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Stranded at a kitchen island, forced to watch her bake. Actor Sarah Herrman is Desserted and one new victim each week must face pastry purgatory as they bargain and banter their way off the island.
Sarah is known equally for mega-viral baking blunders and for her executive production and co-stardom in festival hits such as Maddie’s Secret (2025) and The Scout (2025). In 2027 she will be seen in theaters starring opposite Bryan Cranston, Judy Greer, Sean Astin, and John Goodman in Chili Finger, in which a woman finds a finger in her chili. No promises that limbs will not be sacrificed on this show as well, pending any need to satiate starvation.
Now make haste and press play…the Vultures are circling!
Chapter 1: Crafting the "Wilson" Anonymity Mask
0:000 secondsHello and welcome to episode I'm not sure. I think it's episode four. This is episode four
0:099 secondsof the deserted podcast where I Sarah Herman strand guests at my kitchen island. And today we have a very special guest, my sister Lucifer.
0:1919 secondsShe would like to maintain her anonymity. So she's making a Wilson the volleyball mask for herself to wear. I was on the wrong side.
0:2626 secondsWhat do you mean I did it on the wrong side? because this thing is glued down to it.
0:3030 secondsOkay. But in the movie, that's where the no that the little air hole is his nose. Oh, and now it's gone.
0:3838 secondsOh, so the glue is going to be on my face. Okay, that's okay. It's fine. Yes.
0:4646 secondsNow you need to cut out the eye holes.
Chapter 2: The Bachelorette Promise: Making Myrtle's Last-Minute Wedding Cake
0:4848 secondsToday we will be making Myrtle's wedding cake because she didn't realize she had to order one many, many months in advance. and I drunkenly offered to make
0:5858 secondsthe wedding cake at the bachelorette party. So, here we are.
1:061 minute, 6 secondsIf you get hurt, we're going to keep filming. Hi. Hi.
1:141 minute, 14 secondsYes. This is the dummy part of the cake that's on the bottom. But then I made this part that goes on top too tall. So now it looks like a top hat. So, I've got to scalp it.
1:251 minute, 25 secondsIt looks good. Thank you.
1:371 minute, 37 secondsShould I cut out a nose hole?
1:401 minute, 40 secondsNo, he doesn't have a nose hole. I want to main the maintain. We need to maintain the character's integrity. But Sarah, I'm legit going to huff glue.
1:481 minute, 48 secondsOh, then yeah, you do what you have to do.
1:521 minute, 52 secondsWe're so happy to have you here. We're so happy to have you on the show. I have an idea. What's the idea?
2:012 minutes, 1 secondI'm going to double it.
2:032 minutes, 3 secondsBut then you're going to have to cut more. It's fine. It took me 5 seconds. Okay.
Chapter 3: Lucifer's Love for Chrys & Navigating the Vultures
2:082 minutes, 8 secondsUm, we we refer to our producer who you know by a different name as Chrysanthemum here, by the way. Okay.
2:172 minutes, 17 secondsAnd chrysanthemum wanted me to tell all the v vultures that
2:262 minutes, 26 secondsyou are one of her f you are perhaps her favorite person is what she said.
2:302 minutes, 30 secondsChrysanthemum I think she's the coolest person in the world.
2:332 minutes, 33 secondsI know and I always thought that even when you guys were in college you know that I do. I do. She is the coolest person in the world.
2:412 minutes, 41 secondsBut then why do you think she hangs out with me if you think I'm the least cool person in the world? Well, you guys don't hang out that much.
2:492 minutes, 49 secondsWell, now that we're working together, we talk a lot more. We can't we can't all have a we can't all have a a posy of
2:572 minutes, 57 secondsfriends whose names are made up of the same five letters who all sit under a giant blanket on their phones.
3:043 minutes, 4 secondsSarah, you're on your phone every second of every day. Okay, fine.
3:143 minutes, 14 secondsYou You have to cut those out. You can't see their names.
3:163 minutes, 16 secondsOh, so I'm going to have to think of similar names that all have the same three letters in there.
3:253 minutes, 25 secondsOkay, fine. I'm so glad you're doing this because you actually went to art school. Mhm. Doing what? This?
3:343 minutes, 34 secondsYes.
3:353 minutes, 35 secondsWell, yeah. I actually have this. What's this called? An all Oh, yes. That's a very real art.
3:473 minutes, 47 secondsThe vultures are a d a truly diverse group of talents and they live all over the world. What's crazy is there are
3:553 minutes, 55 secondslike lots of carpenters, electricians, machinists. Those are people who take metal and turn it into like a different shape of metal.
4:034 minutes, 3 secondsIsn't that called a welder?
4:094 minutes, 9 secondsWe'll have to check that. Um, I'll do research on that. And then during our segment, Let It Rest.
Chapter 4: Introducing Segment Idea: "Let It Rest"
4:184 minutes, 18 secondsLet it rest. What's that?
4:194 minutes, 19 secondsLet it rest. That is a segment where we um we sit in a bed and you say
4:274 minutes, 27 secondsthings that you think we need to let go of. Do you?
4:324 minutes, 32 secondsI love that. Yeah. Okay, dude. How long are we filming this?
4:384 minutes, 38 secondsWe are filming for until this cake is done.
4:474 minutes, 47 secondsAre you serious? Oh, [ __ ] me.
4:554 minutes, 55 secondsThe top tier was too tall, so I had to scalp it. So, then I had to redo the crumb layer on the top. So, this guy's going to go back in the fridge for a little bit. And while he's in the
5:035 minutes, 3 secondsfridge, we're going to frost the dummy cake. Oh, yay. Yes, the dummy cake. Wait, do you have piping bags?
5:115 minutes, 11 secondsOh, yeah. And tips. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've got tips for days, bro.
5:225 minutes, 22 secondsThat's okay. We don't need you to breathe. We just need you to be charming and funny and say clever and devastating things because you're Mimo's daughter and that's your that's what the public
5:305 minutes, 30 secondsexpects from you. It is a great burden but an honor. Into the fridge she goes.
Chapter 5: The "Edible Craft" & Myrtle’s Big Day
5:415 minutes, 41 secondsI can't believe I'm making Myrtle's wedding cake. I know. Like this is insane, isn't it? Yeah. You're doing it for attention.
5:495 minutes, 49 secondsI am helping a close friend.
5:525 minutes, 52 secondsAnd I also think it's special because do you remember back in
6:006 minutesthe day when we'd go to to Whimsy the craft place and Maddie doesn't really enjoy crafts at all but she would come
6:086 minutes, 8 secondswith us and then halfway through her attempting to decapage she just turned to me holding it all and
6:176 minutes, 17 secondspresent it to me like now you have to finish it because I kind of don't want to be here to begin I also would get Yes. Yeah.
6:266 minutes, 26 secondsAnd so I think it's very special that she didn't order the cake on time and then in a way came to me once again with
6:356 minutes, 35 secondsthe an edible craft for me to do for her. Myrtle's big day.
6:436 minutes, 43 secondsMyrtle's big day.
6:476 minutes, 47 secondsMyrtle and her bright her made of honor Astrid.
6:536 minutes, 53 secondsAstrid, which I is the perfect pseuda name for her.
7:007 minutesYeah, it is might be more fitting for her than her actual name.
Chapter 6: Going Viral: Reading Mean Comments & Protecting Mom
7:057 minutes, 5 secondsSo, when the video went viral, what was your making of all of that?
7:137 minutes, 13 secondsWhat was your experience of it?
7:167 minutes, 16 secondsWell, I just thought it was really cringy. Yes, I know. I'm obsessed with our mom.
7:227 minutes, 22 secondsSo, I was really upset when people came for her. We were talking about that video, right? Yes. Yeah.
7:307 minutes, 30 secondsSo, I was really upset when people came for her.
7:337 minutes, 33 secondsWell, why don't you talk about like your experience of it like right when it happened when you realized like, oh, the
7:417 minutes, 41 secondsvideo is going viral. And then you started reading the comments.
7:457 minutes, 45 secondsYeah. I freaked out because people were saying they were being so mean. And they were saying she should drown and die.
7:527 minutes, 52 secondsYes. Yes. And people were like, "I'm so sorry.
7:567 minutes, 56 secondsThis is like toxic, but it's um this is what it's what my
8:028 minutes, 2 secondssister my it's just how she is." And she was joking and she's a perfect mom.
8:118 minutes, 11 secondsAnd I felt that it was really upsetting that everyone attacked her.
8:148 minutes, 14 secondsYes. But oh, but I was really upset because my sister acted like she was pretending like, "Oh my god, I can't
8:218 minutes, 21 secondsbelieve everyone's like being so mean to mom, but then was like living for all the views that she was getting." So I was like, "You're literally evil because
8:308 minutes, 30 secondsshe people were saying awful things about her and I so like if I were her, I would have probably taken down the video because it's like I don't want people to
8:388 minutes, 38 secondsspeak badly about my mom, the woman who birthed me." And my sister's like, "Oh my god, I like you. This is so funny.
8:468 minutes, 46 secondsAnd and it was just like so bad. And my friends were all like we were all looking through the comments and like my
8:558 minutes, 55 secondsfriends were like fighting people in the comments because it was like too much.
8:598 minutes, 59 secondsIt was too much. And I was so mad at Sarah because she like wouldn't she was like the I spent the whole night taking down.
9:069 minutes, 6 secondsI did. I stayed up like wow that's so amazing of you.
9:109 minutes, 10 secondsI did I didn't sleep. I was removing mean comments so that you wouldn't be sad.
9:209 minutes, 20 secondsYou're so selfless. I am. I am. I am.
9:299 minutes, 29 secondsI literally can't.
9:339 minutes, 33 secondsBut then all of those people started making fun of my appearance and that brought you such great joy. They were making fun of your Oh, yeah.
9:419 minutes, 41 secondsYeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really liked that when they called you the Loki variant.
9:499 minutes, 49 secondsWas Is that how you say his name?
9:509 minutes, 50 secondsYes. Leave the Loki variant alone to find his to find his his magic rocks in peace or something.
10:0310 minutes, 3 secondsAnd then leave Adrien Brody's halfsister alone. That one was really good, too.
10:1310 minutes, 13 secondsI liked that. Yeah.
10:1610 minutes, 16 secondsSee, so it Yeah.
10:2110 minutes, 21 secondsOkay. So, that was your experience of it all. And then let's talk about you. I know you're only comfortable sharing so
10:2810 minutes, 28 secondsmuch information, but you were my younger sister. Yeah.
Chapter 7: Quarantine Dorm Life & The Ceiling Pep-Talk Sign
10:3110 minutes, 31 secondsThe co co happened when you were like a a senior in high school, so you guys didn't really have a prom.
10:4010 minutes, 40 secondsNo, we didn't.
10:4110 minutes, 41 secondsYeah. And then your first semester at college, you guys were all quarantined in your dorm rooms and were only really
10:4910 minutes, 49 secondsallowed to leave to get food and then you had to go back. Yeah.
10:5310 minutes, 53 secondsAnd I remember what at one point you had a sign above your bed taped to the ceiling.
11:0011 minutesOh my god. Yeah. I had a sign above my bed like so that when I This is depressing, but it's I was really depressed and I was
11:0811 minutes, 8 secondscrying every single day. And I hated it there.
11:1011 minutes, 10 secondsAnd so and I like would skip class. I like it was really bad. And so I I put a sign on my ceiling so that when I woke up in the morning and it I would see it
11:1911 minutes, 19 secondsand it was it said like get out of bed today. You're beautiful or something. It was so sad.
11:2711 minutes, 27 secondsBut I did have a sink in my room which was nice. You did have a sink.
11:3011 minutes, 30 secondsYeah, it was a big Oh, I forgot that you were there. Let me move in. Yes, I do. Do you move in?
11:3611 minutes, 36 secondsIt was a nice dorm room. Like that's the unfortunate I know I went to community college for a year.
11:4111 minutes, 41 secondsOne of their notable alums is um one of the Boston Bombers.
11:5011 minutes, 50 secondsAnd I'm not saying I didn't come up with them being a notable alum. If you when you Google the school it's like oh notable alum blah blah blah whatever the name is.
12:0212 minutes, 2 secondsAnd then this this gets us to art school.
Chapter 8: Art School Meltdowns & The Brutal Class Critiques
12:0512 minutes, 5 secondsYes. And then I went to art school for a year and had many many fascinating experiences.
12:1412 minutes, 14 secondsYeah, it was really difficult. And you were artistic. You were very artistic and very clever.
12:2012 minutes, 20 secondsWell, in an ADHD sense in No, in a normal sense in you were creative and you were artistic, but also
12:2812 minutes, 28 secondsyou aren't competitive.
12:3012 minutes, 30 secondsYes. And this school had a lot of very competitive and it and they thought
12:3712 minutes, 37 secondsI think some of them felt like we were on Project Runway and we weren't. It was just a school.
12:4412 minutes, 44 secondsIt's just a school and we were supposed to be learning there, but it was just like very competitive. Everyone was like extremely talented. I will say that.
12:5312 minutes, 53 secondsBut for you, it was more like you were figuring out what you wanted to do.
12:5612 minutes, 56 secondsI was trying to learn. I wasn't trying to compete.
12:5912 minutes, 59 secondsUm, so it was just really hard and people would like make you feel bad for not staying at school until like 1:00
13:0613 minutes, 6 secondsa.m. sewing your your garments, but it's like I'm not going to sit there at 1:00 a.m. But anyway,
13:1513 minutes, 15 secondsI really didn't like it. Wasn't very good at it. And there I ended up having a meltdown and leaving ultimately.
13:2313 minutes, 23 secondsSo after every project that we would have in every class we would do like a critique obviously like a class critique and that would be like every I want to say like every two or three weeks maybe.
13:3513 minutes, 35 secondsObviously that's like so nerve-wracking but I got pretty good like good about it. I I knew that my stuff wasn't like the best. So I was always like just
13:4413 minutes, 44 secondswhatever. the final critique that we had also like I didn't have I tried really hard to make friends there but it was
13:5113 minutes, 51 secondsjust hard because we didn't have lots of things in common besides our school.
13:5813 minutes, 58 secondsYeah. Um, and just everyone was really competitive, so I just felt really insecure most of the time. And
14:0714 minutes, 7 secondsso like I was really but I like I something about me is that I'm really nice
14:1414 minutes, 14 secondsand like overly nice and so like I would like be like I was
14:2114 minutes, 21 secondslike so so so so so nice. Like let's say like I accidentally brushed someone's shoulder. I'm like, "Oh my god, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm
14:3014 minutes, 30 secondsso sorry." Like it's just like it's like that. And um so I was like really nice to people. People knew I think I don't
14:3814 minutes, 38 secondsknow if people liked me. I feel like people liked me. Um but a lot of people there was just a lot of [ __ ] Like you would hear people talking [ __ ] about each other all the
14:4614 minutes, 46 secondstime. And so that's also why I like didn't want to become friends with people cuz like I just knew that I would get bullied or someone would talk [ __ ]
14:5514 minutes, 55 secondsabout me for like no reason because also the people who were not liked it was just because they were really good and talented. And
15:0415 minutes, 4 secondsI would also like to say I know you said that you didn't say say this but I distinctly remember you saying oh there's this girl and everyone hates her because she tries.
15:1215 minutes, 12 secondsOkay. I don't remember saying that. You did and it was very funny, but now I feel you're changing the narrative. Well, because everyone there tries.
15:1915 minutes, 19 secondsEveryone there stays there until legit 2 in the morning. So, like whatever.
15:2615 minutes, 26 secondsBasically, for my last project, I was partnered with the person that people didn't like. And at this point, me and
15:3515 minutes, 35 secondsthis person like were pretty good together because they helped me a lot because they were very talented
15:4315 minutes, 43 secondsand they knew that I was like really insecure with myself is they were f they were good. Like they they're like they were also another reason people didn't
15:5115 minutes, 51 secondslike them is because they were confident with their Yes. People don't like that.
15:5415 minutes, 54 secondsYes. And people don't like that. But so we had a project and we
16:0116 minutes, 1 secondduring the critique thing we worked really hard. It was probably the hardest I ever worked with any of the the projects we had.
16:1016 minutes, 10 secondsAnd we were like, everyone's critique goes and most people you're most people like you you're just a normal person and
16:1816 minutes, 18 secondsyou say nice things. Like there might be one small thing that you critique, but like just normally I feel like students are just normal and are like, "Oh, I
16:2616 minutes, 26 secondsreally like how you did this." And then the teacher is the one who's like, "Oh, you should have done this, blah, blah, blah." So that usually happens, but in
16:3316 minutes, 33 secondsthis case, everyone destroyed our um garment. Um they were really mean about it.
16:4316 minutes, 43 secondsIt was totally awful. Like when I tell you that every single person just kept firing shots at us and it was literally terrifying.
16:5316 minutes, 53 secondsLike what? Do you remember any specifics?
16:5516 minutes, 55 secondsI I completely You blocked it off. Sure. Sure. Sure.
16:5816 minutes, 58 secondslike most of the things I don't remember because from that school I don't remember because I like blocked it out.
17:0417 minutes, 4 secondsSo then so then right after I immediately leave the room crying had a meltdown and that was my thing and then
17:1317 minutes, 13 secondsthere was this one kid who um who was definitely not nice during the critique.
17:2217 minutes, 22 secondslike they were one of the ones who were saying very hurt like were being so harsh and they I think they felt guilty
17:3117 minutes, 31 secondsthat they were mean to me. So then they emailed me later that day and they were like, "Hey, blah blah blah. I'm sorry
17:4017 minutes, 40 secondsabout today. I'm sorry that your partner wasn't there for you the way that they should be." I'm like, so insane.
17:4717 minutes, 47 secondsYeah, it was insane. And I just didn't And that was the evil gay, right? the evil well-dressed gay.
17:5317 minutes, 53 secondsNo, it wasn't.
17:5517 minutes, 55 secondsNo, they I don't know what their sexual orientation was, but their they pronouns are they them.
18:0418 minutes, 4 secondsOh, and I had like It's just so frustrating because I had like tried really hard to be friends with this
18:1118 minutes, 11 secondsperson because we had like we had things in common.
18:1818 minutes, 18 secondsYeah. I'm sorry, Seaster, but then will you tell us about the the white boy with the turban?
Chapter 9: Window-Ledge Poet & White Boys in Turbans
18:2618 minutes, 26 secondsYeah, but sir, I don't know what you mean by tur I don't think I ever said that.
18:2918 minutes, 29 secondsYes, you 100% said there was a white boy with a turban who at one one of the times when you guys were presenting, you
18:3818 minutes, 38 secondscame to class and you were a little early and this boy was dramatically sitting on the ledge by the window listening to music.
18:4918 minutes, 49 secondsand he was a white boy with a turban.
18:5118 minutes, 51 secondsAnd then when he went to present his shirt, he said a little blurb that was like it was like a poem or a short
18:5918 minutes, 59 secondsparagraph. And before he presented and your teacher was like, "Oh, that's beautiful. So and so what who's that quote by?" And he was like, "Me. I wrote
19:0819 minutes, 8 secondsit." Yeah. Wait. Also, this this this boy um
19:1619 minutes, 16 secondssaw me cry once in the hall and tried to comfort me, and it was the most uncomfortable experience I've ever No, white boys with turbons shouldn't be
19:2619 minutes, 26 secondscomforting people. That's not what they're for. It was like really uncomfortable.
19:3319 minutes, 33 secondsOh, no.
19:3619 minutes, 36 secondsAnd then what about when you the one time you one time you presented and the dress you were presenting it had ruffles
19:4419 minutes, 44 secondson one side and then it didn't have ruffles on the other and you said you presented it and one of the people
19:5219 minutes, 52 secondscritiqued and was like I just like I really like the ruffles on one side but then the other side is there's nothing on it and it feels uneven to me. And
20:0020 minutesthen the girl who you worked with on the project that caused your breakdown raised her hand and was like, "I actually like that it's plain.
20:1120 minutes, 11 secondsI like that it's plain." And then told them about the pottery class.
20:2320 minutes, 23 secondsThe pottery class. Oh.
Chapter 10: The Pottery Major & The Stolen High-Stakes Vase
20:2420 minutes, 24 secondsAnd the girl who was like a pottery major in the pottery class specifically.
20:3020 minutes, 30 secondsOh yeah. So basically I was taking this pottery class. It was like I it was like I had to it was some credit that I had
20:3720 minutes, 37 secondsto fulfill and um we were making these really tall vases like really really
20:4320 minutes, 43 secondstall. Um not on the wheel though um by hand. And a lot of the people in my
20:5120 minutes, 51 secondsclass were uh ceramics majors or pop whatever the major is.
20:5720 minutes, 57 secondsAnd obviously like most of the pops all looked similar. So you had to like carve your name into it, your initials just so
21:0521 minutes, 5 secondsthat you know whatever between classes.
21:0821 minutes, 8 secondsYeah. Between classes and you put them on the wall and then you go get them again.
21:1321 minutes, 13 secondsOne day I come into class. I can't remember if she did she destroy mine.
21:1821 minutes, 18 secondsOkay. So, I will tell the story. I remember it so well.
21:2221 minutes, 22 secondsUm, so this girl who her actual major is pottery and also you would send me pictures of the girl because she looked
21:3021 minutes, 30 secondsunhinged. She looked she Oh my god, I remember who you're talking about.
21:3521 minutes, 35 secondsYes. She had long dark hair that was very thin. She always had a whale tail.
21:3821 minutes, 38 secondsYeah. She always had a whale tail in the lowest r jeans ever and her hair was always in front of her face.
21:4421 minutes, 44 secondsYeah. And you know, I understand the stakes were high because she was an actual pottery major, but you said that when she would work on something and you were like,
21:5221 minutes, 52 secondsshe'd make a pot and it would be amazing, but it wasn't good enough to her. So, she would crush it.
21:5721 minutes, 57 secondsShe would destroy it and then she'd leave. Yeah. Wait. Yes. So, I remember that. Yes. Wait. Okay. It's all coming back.
22:0522 minutes, 5 secondsYes. It's all coming back to you.
22:0722 minutes, 7 secondsBy the time that everyone's pots were like this big, she still had nothing.
22:1322 minutes, 13 secondsOkay. She had nothing because but not because she would just destro because she would hate everything she would make. So she would destroy every class.
22:2122 minutes, 21 secondsSo she had nothing. Um and one time we went into class and I'm looking around.
22:2722 minutes, 27 secondsI can't find my I can't find my pot, which I had spent countless hours working on. Yes.
22:3522 minutes, 35 secondsCountless. It was beautiful. And I'm looking around. I can't find it.
22:3822 minutes, 38 secondsAnd I see that she's sitting there and she has my vase. She has the vase that I
22:4422 minutes, 44 secondsmade and I'm like, "Oh, I'm so sorry." Like, "I think this is my vase." And
22:5022 minutes, 50 secondsshe's like, "No, it's mine." I'm like, "Oh, no." Like, "I think it's mine." Wait. And then I don't know what.
22:5822 minutes, 58 secondsNo. What you did, she said, "Oh, no, it's mine." And you were like, "Okay." And you walked away. Yeah.
23:0423 minutes, 4 secondsYou walked away. And then you were like, "No, that's my vase." And that's my vase. and I've got to I've got to go back and I've got to tell her that it's
23:1223 minutes, 12 secondsmy vase. And so then you mustered up the courage and went back to this mentally ill girl with her whale tail. And you
23:2023 minutes, 20 secondswere like, I do think that is my vase. I believe my initials are on the bottom. Yeah.
23:2723 minutes, 27 secondsAnd she looked at the bottom and she handed it to you, but you said that she didn't say anything. Oh, really?
23:3323 minutes, 33 secondsYes. She didn't say sorry. She just handed it to you. And I was that story sticks with me because number one,
23:4023 minutes, 40 secondshilarious, but also because you are a very uh you don't tend to stick up for yourself. Yeah.
23:4823 minutes, 48 secondsWith strangers. With me, you could beat me and be completely fine with it.
23:5523 minutes, 55 secondsYour your blood pressure would remain even. But strangers who you have no who you owe nothing to. Um that's when
24:0424 minutes, 4 secondsyou have a difficult time sticking up for yourself. And so that story very funny but also very proud of you.
24:1224 minutes, 12 secondsThank you for sticking up to that mentally ill young woman. Yes. Yeah.
24:1824 minutes, 18 secondsAnd then the but I'm going to tell the my favorite story.
Chapter 11: Campus Lockdown: The Photo Shoot Fake Gun Incident
24:2324 minutes, 23 secondsSo one day luckily I wasn't at school this day. I was home. Um but I yeah um
24:3124 minutes, 31 secondswe had like a group chat for our class for one of our classes and someone
24:3824 minutes, 38 secondsin the group chat texts they're like guys stay where you are like there's a active shooter on campus horrifying.
24:4824 minutes, 48 secondsAnd I'm like, "Oh my god." And they're like, "They're in so and so building.
24:5524 minutes, 55 secondsStay where you are. They're in lockdown." Then like I have the citizen app. So like it came up on the citizen
25:0225 minutes, 2 secondsapp. Like there was obviously all the police came and firefighters whatever blah blah blah. They like secure the
25:1025 minutes, 10 secondsscene. They they're they clear the building.
25:1225 minutes, 12 secondsYou're texting us. The family group like there's a shooting at my school. I'm not there. I'm fine. But like, oh my god. It
25:2025 minutes, 20 secondsgets released that it was someone cosplaying with a fake gun on the roof.
25:2825 minutes, 28 secondsUm, no, no, inside a building. They were having a photo shoot with a fake gun. Um, and they were seen
25:3725 minutes, 37 secondslike out a window from a window in the building.
25:4525 minutes, 45 secondsA fake gun.
25:4825 minutes, 48 secondsAnd um there were pictures like all over like Twitter or whatever.
25:5725 minutes, 57 secondsAnd um then I look at the pictures and I realized, oh that person's in my class. Yeah.
26:0626 minutes, 6 secondsYep.
26:0626 minutes, 6 secondsSo yeah. And then I don't know if they were disciplined or not because they were at my next class.
26:1226 minutes, 12 secondsAnd then you sent it to the group chat and me, my former my former partner at the time said, "This is why bullying is important." Right now I am I am adding the sides to the dummy cake.
Chapter 12: Frosting the Dummy Cake & Kitchen Panic
26:2526 minutes, 25 secondsAnd then I'm going to do the hot water on the scraper and go around. Make it nice and smooth.
26:3226 minutes, 32 secondsNice and smooth. Nice and lovely and smooth.
26:4326 minutes, 43 secondsOh, it's well. I'm not going to put too much pressure. And I'm going to keep it very steady at about a 45° angle. And
26:5326 minutes, 53 secondsthen I slid. So I'm enraged.
27:0527 minutes, 5 secondsBut that's okay. I think it looks good.
27:1627 minutes, 16 secondsHe's good.
27:1627 minutes, 16 secondsHe's good. It's good. It's Easter. And there's also like piping.
27:2127 minutes, 21 secondsThat's awesome. It looks like a real cake. Oh, good. I'm glad it's Easter. How is the stand mixer?
27:2827 minutes, 28 secondsAmazing. I love it.
27:3127 minutes, 31 secondsYeah, she's she's a good one. She's She's good people. She's really messy right now. I'm so sorry.
27:4027 minutes, 40 secondsBut now she's yours because this is your home.
27:4327 minutes, 43 secondsSo now it's your stand mixer. Into the fridge she goes. Into the fridge she goes.
27:5527 minutes, 55 secondsNow these guy. Now that guy. Will I drive you to the wedding?
28:0328 minutes, 3 secondsOh, yeah. Could you do that? What time? I forgot to ask. You have to do there.
28:0828 minutes, 8 secondsUm, I have no idea, actually.
28:1528 minutes, 15 secondsOh, are you going to have to make more?
28:1728 minutes, 17 secondsYeah. I think this will get us Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
28:2528 minutes, 25 secondsOh, yeah. We make it nice and toasty. Nice. Thanks. Thanks, bro.
28:3428 minutes, 34 secondsThere is a small chocolate two small chocolate guys in there who we will get rid of post haste.
28:4128 minutes, 41 secondsWait, is there a cake topper?
Chapter 13: "A Topless Cake": Cake Toppers & Driving to the Wedding
28:4328 minutes, 43 secondsNo, this will be a topless cake. A girl's gone wild cake, if you will.
28:4828 minutes, 48 secondsWait, will grandma be upset if I don't go?
28:5128 minutes, 51 secondsI don't know. Ask her. Perhaps we could all watch the first episode of my podcast together that you haven't watched yet because it's cringey. Okay.
28:5928 minutes, 59 secondsVery well. She said she won't be upset.
29:0629 minutes, 6 secondsBut but she's a liar. She's passive aggressive.
29:0929 minutes, 9 secondsYeah, but but that's fine. You don't even care.
Chapter 14: Passive-Aggressive Grandmas & The "Tushy Grandchild" Debate
29:1229 minutes, 12 secondsLike you're like, "No, but she said it, so I can live with that when I was there the other day and she was like, "Each of my grandchildren has a special has a
29:2129 minutes, 21 secondsspecial job. Nova Scotia installed my bedet and so he's my tushy grandchild and you're my technology grandchild."
29:2829 minutes, 28 secondsAnd then you shrieked because you feel that you are the technology grandchild. Well, I'm the the everything grandchild.
29:3729 minutes, 37 secondsYou are. That's true.
29:3929 minutes, 39 secondsYou're very good with her. Have you ever heard her talk about grandpa? Yeah. I don't think she liked him. I don't think she liked him either.
29:4629 minutes, 46 secondsYeah. Rest in peace. RIP. RIP.
29:5429 minutes, 54 secondsYeah. We can't speak ill of the dead.
29:5729 minutes, 57 secondsWhat are you talking about? All we do is speak ill of the dead. But he's our grandfather. We didn't know him.
30:0430 minutes, 4 secondsSo, all we know is what she's told us, which is, you know, almost nothing. So,
30:1130 minutes, 11 secondsokay. Now, I'm putting the sides on the top part of the cake. That is not the dummy cake. This is the cake cake.
30:2030 minutes, 20 secondsWow. I'm surprised you had enough for that. I am, too.
30:2530 minutes, 25 secondsWe're not done yet. I could still [ __ ] something up. Don't underestimate me.
30:3530 minutes, 35 secondsI can ruin anything I set my mind to. What the hell is this? Oh, that was a cinnamon scone.
30:4330 minutes, 43 secondsIt's rock hard. I don't speak for it. I got it. Do you agree that it was rock hard? Yes, I do indubitably.
30:5130 minutes, 51 secondsOh my god, it's so dry. Yeah, but scones are scones are interesting because they are supposed to be kind of hard and dry.
31:0131 minutes, 1 secondSo, I feel like it's the one of the few baked goods where someone who makes it, it's like, oh, it's dry, but they can just say that, oh, well, it's traditional.
31:1031 minutes, 10 secondsWell, I only know the remember mom used to buy us those scones from Whole Foods, the mini the lemon poppy that were like not actually scones.
31:1931 minutes, 19 secondsYes. Because they were sweet and squishy. So that's what you think of.
31:2231 minutes, 22 secondsThat's what I think of when I think of scone, which I really like. Recently, when I grew up, I realized that scones are actually disgusting.
31:2931 minutes, 29 secondsRecently, when I grew up, I realized scones were disgusting.
31:3431 minutes, 34 secondsWelcome to our segment, Let It Rest, where we discuss what we feel needs to be laid to rest in
31:4231 minutes, 42 secondsthe world, in our lives, in the plots of television shows we're watching.
31:5031 minutes, 50 secondsThe first thing I think, and this is just because I'm jealous, is
31:5631 minutes, 56 secondsthat um cute workout sets to workout to actual workout classes need to be laid to rest.
32:0532 minutes, 5 secondsYeah.
32:0632 minutes, 6 secondsUm but that is simply because I am jealous because I want to wear a cute workout set, but I'm not confident enough to
32:1432 minutes, 14 secondswear a sports bra and leggings.
32:1932 minutes, 19 secondsSo yeah, that's what I think is too laid to rest.
32:2332 minutes, 23 secondsI respect that you prefaced it with because you're jealous. Yeah, that's what most of my issues are.
32:3132 minutes, 31 secondsYes. As are mine. Do you wear cute workout sets?
32:3432 minutes, 34 secondsNo, never. I literally wear this. I wear the same thing.
32:3832 minutes, 38 secondsI guess I also mean just the sports bra. Okay. So I'm But also what I don't think you have an
32:4632 minutes, 46 secondsappreciation for is that uh clothing is not built for individual people.
32:5632 minutes, 56 secondsSo this sports bra I'm wearing looks good, but this sports bra is 11 years old. And so I keep it because it fits me
33:0533 minutes, 5 secondsthe right way. But I haven't found any other sports bras in the past 10 years that do.
33:1233 minutes, 12 secondsAnd so like some yes, some girls are just naturally small and so everything looks good on
33:2133 minutes, 21 secondsthem, but most human beings like anyone that's on a red carpet, what they're wearing has been expertly tailored to
33:2833 minutes, 28 secondslook good on them. Anything anyone's wearing on TV has been expertly tailored, you know.
33:3533 minutes, 35 secondsWell, not girls in workout sets.
33:3733 minutes, 37 secondsYeah, but I mean it's those girls aren't funny. I say let it rest, but hopefully one day I will be one of those girls wearing the cute workout sets.
33:4733 minutes, 47 secondsYou are beautiful. Sister, you could wear the workout sets now.
33:5133 minutes, 51 secondsMy tatas would be Yes, because you have excellent tatas.
33:5633 minutes, 56 secondsGraham agrees. Graham says, "Oh, it's too bad you can't give some to Sarah." Yeah, but small boobs are in right now.
34:0434 minutes, 4 secondsIt's so weird how we have opposite body types.
34:0734 minutes, 7 secondsI know. I think you have a different father. You think like it's actually insane how Nova Scotia and I look very similar.
34:1634 minutes, 16 secondsYeah, you do.
34:1834 minutes, 18 secondsGranted, I've had a lot of work done to make it so that people would never know.
34:2334 minutes, 23 secondsI Me and Nova Scotia also look really similar. I don't think so. I've been told that we do. People are stupid.
34:3134 minutes, 31 secondsYeah.
34:3234 minutes, 32 secondsThey don't know. And it's weird because we don't look, you and I don't look alike, but we have the same um we speak in the same way, but that's
34:3834 minutes, 38 secondsbecause it's nature verse nurture. So, we speak the same way because we grew up with mom.
34:4434 minutes, 44 secondsSo, we could have Yeah. Do you don't actually have a different dad
34:5134 minutes, 51 secondsbecause you you did the ancestry.com thing. Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah.
34:5434 minutes, 54 secondsAnd found the 33% Lebanese, which is horrifying. 36%.
34:5934 minutes, 59 secondsSo, it's so weird. Yeah, because we know Grandma Esther was that's 100. Yeah.
35:0735 minutes, 7 secondsSo, she's that's the 25. That other 11% don't know where it's both grandfathers are dead. Grandma Mo, we know what she is. So, we'll never know.
35:1535 minutes, 15 secondsMhm. Bizarre.
35:1835 minutes, 18 secondsWell, yeah, it's definitely not from Grandma Mo's side because auntie did did it and her she has no
35:2735 minutes, 27 secondsOh, wait. So, then it would be I didn't realize that. Yeah.
35:3135 minutes, 31 secondsSo then it is it would be from our dad's dad. Yeah. Interesting.
35:4035 minutes, 40 secondsWhich with that nose that nose that peep nose.
35:4735 minutes, 47 secondsAppperal spritzes. I I agree completely.
35:5135 minutes, 51 secondsThey all my friends drink them and it's like I've said this to them before like you do not like them. You are drinking it to because it's cute.
36:0136 minutes, 1 secondThey don't taste good.
36:0236 minutes, 2 secondsThey taste awful. And I think that they look so cute that I really wish I like them, but I just can't.
36:1036 minutes, 10 secondsIf I see an orange drink, a neon orange drink, I want it to taste like Fanta, not like
36:1836 minutes, 18 secondslike battery acid. So yeah, I think Yeah, it tastes like sparkly cough syrup.
36:2336 minutes, 23 secondsYeah, I think this apperal spritz um mania Yeah. Romanticization.
36:3136 minutes, 31 secondsIs that the romanticization of Appperol Spritz?
36:3536 minutes, 35 secondsYes. Needs to be put to rest. Yes.
36:3936 minutes, 39 secondsTake it into a field. Gun to the back of its head. Kill shot.
36:4636 minutes, 46 secondsNo. First make it dig its own grave. Um, but again, I wish I liked them.
36:5536 minutes, 55 secondsYes, I would agree with that. Uh, I feel that way about Love Island.
37:0037 minutesOh my god. Don't, Sarah. If you watch Love Island, you would get hooked. I've tried.
37:0637 minutes, 6 secondsYou should go on Love Island.
37:1037 minutes, 10 secondsI I don't enjoy the sun. It I should go on it. I should I am a
37:1737 minutes, 17 secondsnarcissist. Um, I should go on it because I think I would bring an unlikely element where I
37:2637 minutes, 26 secondswould never Yeah, cuz you're so different.
37:2837 minutes, 28 secondsI'm so pale also where I would sit inside and do my crosswords and my puzzles. You're so unique.
37:3637 minutes, 36 secondsThere's no one like you. Every millennial is like you.
37:4837 minutes, 48 secondsHow about breeding animals? Oh, well, yeah, of course.
37:5337 minutes, 53 secondsObviously, that needs to be ended immediately. Yeah.
37:5837 minutes, 58 secondsAre we supposed to talk about serious things right now? No.
38:0338 minutes, 3 secondsOkay. Another thing that should be put to rest. Are you going to say me?
38:1138 minutes, 11 secondsNo.
38:1338 minutes, 13 secondsClearly, my quality of life has diminished. saying that they're cold.
38:2038 minutes, 20 secondsYes.
38:2338 minutes, 23 secondsWhich I know you agree with me 100% because and I use this. You always said to me, you can put on layers but you can't take off your skin.
38:3438 minutes, 34 secondsAnd I say that to everyone every time. It's so cold. Yeah.
38:3738 minutes, 37 secondsBecause I have a sweat Well, me and my sister both have sweating problems. Mine is probably worse. Mine is definitely worse. Um,
38:4538 minutes, 45 secondsbut yeah, we're very weirdly warm people.
38:4738 minutes, 47 secondsYeah. And it infuriates me
38:5438 minutes, 54 secondswhen people are constantly freezing cold. Yes.
38:5938 minutes, 59 secondsBecause also it's like I get it. You're tiny and small and skinny. Yes. That is the other.
39:0339 minutes, 3 secondsWhich it's surprising. That's why it's surprising that my sister gets hot.
39:0839 minutes, 8 secondsBut I guess I appreciate that you're not one of those ones that get super cold.
39:1239 minutes, 12 secondsYeah. No. Oh, something about teeny girls there. You know who Tina Fay is? Yes, of course.
39:1939 minutes, 19 secondsOkay, so she her book Bossy Pants. She talks about being in college and
39:2739 minutes, 27 secondsyou know she was strange. She wasn't like a Oh, really?
39:3039 minutes, 30 secondsa small Yeah, of course. She's like a comedy writer. She did improv, so she was not cool. And there was this boy that she had a crush on and he had a
39:3939 minutes, 39 secondscrush on someone else and they were hanging out and he was talking about this girl that he has the crush on and
39:4739 minutes, 47 secondshe's like she it's so cute, you know, she can't she can't even have a full piece of gum.
39:5639 minutes, 56 secondsLike she can only one she she just has half a piece of gum. Then Tina Fay is like, "Can you
40:0340 minutes, 3 secondsbelieve this girl was so petite and feminine? She couldn't handle an entire stick of gum.
40:1540 minutes, 15 secondsIt's very funny." That's a That's a really good one.
40:2440 minutes, 24 secondsWhat is the the um Oh, yeah.
40:2740 minutes, 27 secondsThe saying that your cold needs to be put to rest. It's just like put on a goddamn sweater. I know. Yeah. Stop talking about it.
40:3640 minutes, 36 secondsYeah. Which granted I am constantly saying that I'm really hot and sweating, but but you can't take your skin off.
40:4440 minutes, 44 secondsYeah, I can't. That's why.
40:4640 minutes, 46 secondsAnd I would much rather be freezing cold all the time. Yes. Because there's solutions. Yeah. It's like insane.
40:5240 minutes, 52 secondsYes. Something I need I think needs to be put to rest is asking people how their day is. put my therapist like I don't want to talk about it.
41:0241 minutes, 2 secondsBut you don't want to talk about your day. Yeah.
41:0541 minutes, 5 secondsI feel like my stance is if one of us had like a crazy day like here's the microphone that person
41:1241 minutes, 12 secondslike you have the floor. Tell me about the crazy things that happened. But I don't think two people where one didn't
41:2041 minutes, 20 secondslike didn't have much going on today. I don't think we have to be equitable about each
41:2841 minutes, 28 secondsthinking each other's days are interesting if only one of them was.
41:3141 minutes, 31 secondsWell, who says that you do? We have to do that. My therapist.
41:3541 minutes, 35 secondsOh, because she says that I value how how much entertainment a person provides
41:4341 minutes, 43 secondsover their actual character.
41:4641 minutes, 46 secondsOh, that's really honest. Yeah, cuz I'm scared that if this doesn't go well, you're not going to talk to me ever again. You've already done. You don't.
41:5441 minutes, 54 secondsI'm not gonna talk to you. It's Easter. No. That makes me sad.
42:0142 minutes, 1 secondThat's That's why that's the joy of you is that you don't have to try.
42:1042 minutes, 10 secondsYou You are probably na I I think you are naturally funnier than I am.
42:1842 minutes, 18 secondsYeah, me too. You said that. You said that so quickly. I I I do I think you are.
42:2742 minutes, 27 secondsI also think that I would be a really good actress.
42:3342 minutes, 33 secondsI think in seventh grade I was Juliet in The Susification of Romeo and Juliet.
42:4142 minutes, 41 secondsYou were great in that. I remember.
42:4342 minutes, 43 secondsAnd I wish that there was a video of it. There's not. No. Like I was the lead.
42:5242 minutes, 52 secondsCan you believe that?
42:5342 minutes, 53 secondsI know. While it was happening, I it was another one of those things where I'm like, "This is insane that she's allowing this to happen." Yeah. Cuz because you're a shy person.
43:0243 minutes, 2 secondsSo, especially then. Especially then. I'm so shy. Yes.
43:0943 minutes, 9 secondsAnd luckily they had Romeo played by a girl. Yes. With a pixie cut.
43:1443 minutes, 14 secondsI went to public school. Nova Scotia went to public school. You made it to fourth grade.
43:2043 minutes, 20 secondsYeah. And then they had me, my parents put me into private school. Yeah. Cuz you couldn't cut it. That was different.
43:2843 minutes, 28 secondsCuz you're a fruit cake.
43:3243 minutes, 32 secondsI'm thinking about when I would go down walk down the stairs.
43:3643 minutes, 36 secondsI would walk down the stairs to go to school in the morning and you were 11 and you were dressed like a 5-year-old
43:4443 minutes, 44 secondsin these pink multicolored leggings and like an under arour purple shirt for
43:5243 minutes, 52 secondssome reason and I'd come downstairs and mom would be like, "What are you wearing?" And you'd whip your head around.
44:0244 minutes, 2 secondsYeah.
44:0344 minutes, 3 secondsYeah. Exactly. You would just echo her and It was awful.
44:1044 minutes, 10 secondsI was so obsessed with my mom.
44:1244 minutes, 12 secondsYes, you still are obsessed with your mom. You guys have a horrifying coding relationship. Was I nice to you as a kid?
44:2044 minutes, 20 secondsNo. Well, I mean, she just ignored me.
44:2944 minutes, 29 secondsAnd I remember that I we have a seven-year age gap.
44:3644 minutes, 36 secondsSo, which is pretty big. And I feel like I was like kind of obsessed with you when I was young. Well, no, I was obsessed with your friends.
44:4444 minutes, 44 secondsI always wanted to hang out with you and your friends.
44:4844 minutes, 48 secondsAnd you let me sometimes, but not all the time. Also, like I feel
44:5644 minutes, 56 secondslike normal sisters like like you you should have like done my hair and went shopping with me. You didn't do that.
45:0445 minutes, 4 secondsSorry, I disagree. What did we do?
45:1145 minutes, 11 secondsI would take you shopping. Your issue was that I would make you try the clothes on, but I will say I wouldn't
45:1845 minutes, 18 secondsalways let you get things because peep instilled in us. Uh, no, you took me shopping when I got older.
45:2645 minutes, 26 secondsOkay, I'm talking about when I was younger.
45:2945 minutes, 29 secondsShe would just always be gone really or in her room. But yeah, I had homework to do and voice lessons and rehearsals.
45:3845 minutes, 38 secondsI'm so sorry I didn't have time to spend with you.
45:4145 minutes, 41 secondsAlso, I feel like I was a really cute little girl, so like if I had a little sister, I would be obsessed with her.
45:4645 minutes, 46 secondsI think maybe my problem was that you were very cute and I was a very unfortunate looking child.
45:5545 minutes, 55 secondsMaybe. And because you were so cute, you were doted on and your cuteness. Everyone was obsessed with the cuteness.
46:0246 minutes, 2 secondsAnd I never got that because I was I looked like um Edward G. Herman. Mom would say who? I don't know who that is.
46:1046 minutes, 10 secondsI think it's like an That's literally the guy from Gilmore Girls that I was just talking about last night. No, I think it was a politician.
46:1846 minutes, 18 secondsOh, let me look it up. It might be No, I think I'm thinking of someone else. Oh, well is
46:2646 minutes, 26 secondsYeah, that is the guy. I think I'm misre I'm combining two things because I'm stupid and bad.
46:3546 minutes, 35 secondsBut yeah, she was not mean to me, but just kind of indifferent.
46:4246 minutes, 42 secondsI'm sorry that you felt that way. It's fine.
46:4646 minutes, 46 secondsHow awesome is it to have a sister like me? That's a stupid question.
46:5146 minutes, 51 secondsExcellent. Next one. Who is Mima's favorite?
46:5646 minutes, 56 secondsUm, Mima's favorite me.
46:5946 minutes, 59 secondsSure. Sure. What is something you still want to get back at Sarah for? And would you do it now on this podcast? when
47:0847 minutes, 8 secondsI started dating my boyfriend about three years ago. Um I remember I was telling Sarah that he
47:1747 minutes, 17 secondswas going to I was like so excited about him and I was yeah we're going to get married blah blah blah and Sarah was
47:2547 minutes, 25 secondslike I think she had just gone through a breakup so she was kind of upset or just like whatever and she's like
47:3347 minutes, 33 secondsyou're not going to marry him. I'm like, "Why would you say that?" You're like, "He's your first boyfriend. You're not going to marry him. The likelihood of
47:4247 minutes, 42 secondsyou marrying him is like so low." And I was like, "What are you talking about?
47:4747 minutes, 47 secondsHe's literally moving here for me." And and you were like, and so yeah, that was
47:5447 minutes, 54 secondsthe That was awful. You That was awful.
48:0148 minutes, 1 secondAnd we are still dating to this day. Yes. And he's amazing. Yes. I adore him.
48:0748 minutes, 7 secondsYes. So, don't you take back what you said?
48:0948 minutes, 9 secondsYes. People and I talk about how we were we we hope and we pray that you don't ruin it because we worry that But that's a real thing that she said.
48:1648 minutes, 16 secondsI didn't say it like that though.
48:1848 minutes, 18 secondsSarah, you were like, "You're not getting married. It's your to him. He's your first boyfriend." Yes. But I didn't. The line reading you're giving is inaccurate.
48:3048 minutes, 30 secondsOh, so you thought it was like nice that you said that? I said, "Okay, but he's your first boyfriend,
48:3748 minutes, 37 secondsso I don't No, but you were you were very blunt." Yes, I was very blunt. I was blunt, but I didn't say it like an evil stepsister in a movie.
48:4648 minutes, 46 secondsYes, you did.
48:4848 minutes, 48 secondsI didn't say bar, you'll never get You'll never get married to him.
48:5548 minutes, 55 secondsAnd um so there's that. And then yeah, so I was having a sleepover with my
49:0149 minutes, 1 secondfriend. I was in fifth grade and we were like about to go to we were playing in my room probably getting ready to go to
49:1049 minutes, 10 secondssleep and my parents just my dad and my brother was home and my brother like runs into
49:1849 minutes, 18 secondsthe room and it's like don't come out of your room. Don't come out of your room.
49:2149 minutes, 21 secondsI was like oh my god what happened? Is everyone okay? And then I saw like my mom speeding down the driveway. And then
49:2949 minutes, 29 secondsI don't know. I think like my dad or my mom told me like, "Oh, just like stay here. We're just taking Sarah to the doctor." Yeah.
49:3749 minutes, 37 secondsRachel Rebecca will be over to watch you guys. She's just Your sister's sick.
49:4849 minutes, 48 secondsAnd so I was under the impression that my sister got really sick and they had to take her to the hospital because she was like
49:5649 minutes, 56 secondsreally sick, like throwing up or whatever.
49:5849 minutes, 58 secondsBut the friend had also been told that I was sick and that's why I had left.
50:0250 minutes, 2 secondsBut really, I was having a mental health crisis crisis.
50:0550 minutes, 5 secondsObviously, the next day I found out it wasn't because she was sick. But I never told the friend because there was no need to tell her. However, then um a few
50:1550 minutes, 15 secondsday then few days later she got sick and could not compete in the threeon-ree basketball tournament and she was very
50:2550 minutes, 25 secondsupset and so she stopped talking to me and you were you were like I don't know why s why
50:3250 minutes, 32 secondsSylvester is being so distant from me now and doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
50:3750 minutes, 37 secondsYeah. Like nothing happened. Like we were in fifth grade. What could have possibly happened? This is this is ridiculous of me. But I guess my mom and I ended up going to the head of school.
50:4850 minutes, 48 secondsWell, the head of the lower school because we were like, "She's being so mean." And then we had but like not to get her
50:5650 minutes, 56 secondsin trouble, just to like for there to be like a conversation for me to have with with my friend.
51:0151 minutes, 1 secondYes. And so then we had we sat down with I don't know who we sat down with but I think my mom then said to her like you
51:1051 minutes, 10 secondsdidn't say the part where Sylvester was like the reason I don't want to be friends with Lucifer anymore is because
51:1851 minutes, 18 secondsher I was sleeping over her sister got sick and then I got sick and couldn't compete in the threeon-ree basketball tournament. I couldn't participate in
51:2651 minutes, 26 secondsthe threeon-ree basketball tournament because Lucifer's sister got me sick and I don't want to be friends with Lucifer anymore.
51:3351 minutes, 33 secondsAnd so then we had to tell her like she didn't get sick, she was sick in the head.
51:4451 minutes, 44 secondsAnd then what did Sylvester Well, what you're in I think she was just like, "Oh,
51:5051 minutes, 50 secondsoh my god. I'm sorry, but me and Sylvester are still friends to this day.
51:5851 minutes, 58 secondsI did not know that. Yeah, I love her. When was the last time you saw her?
52:0352 minutes, 3 secondsI haven't seen her in a while, but we text. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, she's amazing.
52:0852 minutes, 8 secondsUm, yeah, that the three on three basketball, but we we would joke about it in years.
52:1752 minutes, 17 secondsYou would? Oh, good. I'm glad. Are you a good baker like your sister? Yes.
52:2352 minutes, 23 secondsYes, you are. You baked first. Baking was your thing first.
52:2652 minutes, 26 secondsMy favorite thing that I made when I was younger was I made these chocolate Heath bar cupcakes.
52:3552 minutes, 35 secondsThey were amazing. Yes, they were. Those were excellent. Yeah. But I baked before her.
52:4252 minutes, 42 secondsI bake cakes for my friend's birthdays and they're pretty good. They're not as good as Sarah's, but if I practice more, they would be good.
52:5152 minutes, 51 secondsHey, Lucifer. How's it going? Uh, what is the worst part of being Sarah's sister?
52:5852 minutes, 58 secondsUm, the unapologetic narcissism.
53:0153 minutes, 1 secondHow she's always trying to get content and she's on her phone 24/7 and can't hold the conversation because she's staring at her phone.
53:1053 minutes, 10 secondsExcellent. Excellent. Has fame changed me?
53:2153 minutes, 21 secondsYes, like I said, she's constantly trying to get content
53:2853 minutes, 28 secondsand on her phone the whole time. And um I ask her if I ask her a question, she's
53:3653 minutes, 36 secondslike, I have so many things to do. I have to I have to send my notes on things. I have to do this.
53:4553 minutes, 45 secondsAnd it's like I can't take it anymore. Like I asked you a simple question.
53:5653 minutes, 56 secondsSarah, is it cold out?
53:5753 minutes, 57 secondsI can't do I can't I have to work.
54:0954 minutes, 9 secondsThat is what it's like. That is Yep.
54:1354 minutes, 13 secondsUh, meanwhile, she's telling me that she has someone edit the videos for her.
54:2054 minutes, 20 secondsWhich fast food place has the best French fries? McDonald's. Did someone actually ask? Yes. Oh my god. McDonald's.
54:2854 minutes, 28 secondsMy favorite restaurant. Really? I didn't know this about you. I'm literally I could I love McDonald's.
54:3654 minutes, 36 secondsUm, I don't know if you recall this, but when the Five Guys opened near us when I was in high school, I noticed that if I
54:4554 minutes, 45 secondsbrought you there with me, uh, the man who was in charge of the French fries would give us a large order even though I had ordered a small order.
54:5554 minutes, 55 secondsOh my god. They were calling me fat.
55:0055 minutesNo, but they would give us large fries when I would had just ordered small. and the man would like smile at you
55:0855 minutes, 8 secondsand creepy way in retrospect I'm like oh that was really creepy but then so whenever I would go to Five Guys I'd bring you so
55:1555 minutes, 15 secondsI'd get more fries and I realize now that I was
55:2155 minutes, 21 secondsI was I was providing memories for this horrifying man to jerk
55:2955 minutes, 29 secondsoff to and I'm so sorry I'm so sorry that I didn't know better.
55:3655 minutes, 36 secondsUm, but yeah, so there's that.
55:4055 minutes, 40 secondsUm, will you marry me? Haha, JK, I don't even know you. Who said that?
55:4855 minutes, 48 secondsSomeone named Angel. Who said that?
55:5755 minutes, 57 secondsUm, how does it feel knowing this gremlin is popular and you're not?
56:0456 minutes, 4 secondsIt honestly I like it because maybe it can become like an Alex and Ashton Earl situation.
56:1456 minutes, 14 secondsYeah. Yeah. Do you even know who that is? Oh, you do? Do you know Ashton, too?
56:2256 minutes, 22 secondsUh, yeah. You do? She's the sister. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow.
56:2856 minutes, 28 secondsYeah. What was our biggest and most shameful misunderstanding?
56:3456 minutes, 34 secondsUm, I mean, it's not a misunderstanding, but I think when I I had my deviated septum fixed and I
56:4456 minutes, 44 secondscame home and I had the bandaging and you didn't want to come and see me because you were scared that I would be bruised and horrifying looking.
56:5356 minutes, 53 secondsNo, I was No, I was scared of just with all the bandages on. I was scared of that. That image was upsetting, too.
57:0057 minutesYeah. And I remember I I looked out my bedroom window as you were getting out of the car and it was like legit terrifying.
57:0857 minutes, 8 secondsShe looked like a like a it was like it reminded me of like a scary chipmunk. Yes.
57:1557 minutes, 15 secondsI don't know. It was really scary. But like her face was I could couldn't really see her face. It was just all covered. It was so scary.
57:2157 minutes, 21 secondsBut then you got over it. Then we had a nice week together and you bathed my hair in the tub because I couldn't wash it myself.
57:2857 minutes, 28 secondsThat was good. But I've always had a thing for I've gotten I always get scared when people have bandages on cuz it's like what's under there.
57:4057 minutes, 40 secondsWhat is your favorite comfort movie or TV show?
57:4757 minutes, 47 secondsI love love love more than anything Modern Family. That
57:5357 minutes, 53 secondsis my favorite show of all time. If I could meet anyone from that show, like I
58:0158 minutes, 1 secondI like I like it would that would be the best day of my life.
58:1158 minutes, 11 secondsThey make me feel so happy because the show just like reminds me kind of of my family, but also then when you realize
58:1858 minutes, 18 secondsthat they're all so close outside of the show, it literally makes me feel warm inside. And I love them so much. It's I
58:2758 minutes, 27 secondswatched that show. I've watched it full like all the seasons, the 11 seasons probably like 15 times.
58:3858 minutes, 38 secondsYeah.
58:3858 minutes, 38 secondsAnd I watch it all the way through and I still laugh out loud. I love them so much. What about New Girl? New Girl is my second favorite.
58:4758 minutes, 47 secondsUm, yeah. I also love love love New Girl and
58:5458 minutes, 54 secondsI like that the people in it aren't really like
59:0259 minutes, 2 secondsin that many other things because I like just seeing them. And same for Modern Family.
59:0659 minutes, 6 secondsI like seeing them as because to me they can't be anyone else.
59:1159 minutes, 11 secondsThey can only be who they are in New World in Modern Family.
59:1759 minutes, 17 secondsHow does the bowling pin stacking machine work? Oh my god, who asked this? I love them. Killasaur. Do you know them?
59:2559 minutes, 25 secondsThey are a staple. They are a brand vulture. Oh, really?
59:2859 minutes, 28 secondsYes. As is Arturo, who asked your for your comfort movie and TV show.
59:3459 minutes, 34 secondsOh, Arturo is the one who writes the the Oregon Trail style. Oh, okay. Yeah.
59:4059 minutes, 40 secondsOkay. So, I think this is how it works for the pins. Am I just supposed to be saying what I think? Sure. Yeah.
59:4759 minutes, 47 secondsI feel like it's like a a thing with holes in it that goes down
59:5359 minutes, 53 secondsover them and then just Oh, actually, I don't know. Cuz how would they get them all?
1:00:031 hour, 3 secondsBut they all all the pins go behind go disappear. Yes.
1:00:111 hour, 11 secondsBut then something closes and then it's up and then they put them down.
1:00:171 hour, 17 secondsYes, I believe there's the the placey down guys who have the new set ready.
1:00:221 hour, 22 secondsThe pins that have Oh, there's a sweeper guy who comes. So once your round is over, the sweepy guy knocks everything over.
1:00:321 hour, 32 secondsYes. Always.
1:00:351 hour, 35 secondsOh, cuz I think the sweepy guy comes and knocks them all over and then the new ones are put down.
1:00:411 hour, 41 secondsObviously just in a thing that has holes in it.
1:00:521 hour, 52 secondsYeah. What's the worst thing I've ever made in the kitchen?
1:00:561 hour, 56 secondsYou made a really dry turkey one year.
1:01:001 hour, 1 minuteYeah, it was really, really, really, really dry. It was also the first because my former partner and I had been
1:01:071 hour, 1 minute, 7 secondsin charge of the turkey for six years and then it was my first time doing the turkey by myself.
1:01:141 hour, 1 minute, 14 secondsYeah. So that's why it was dry.
1:01:191 hour, 1 minute, 19 secondsWait, what? Why didn't you ask this? And what's the biggest childhood pet peeve about the other person? Oh, I thought I did ask that. No.
1:01:261 hour, 1 minute, 26 secondsOh, cuz I want you to do it for me. Oh, well.
1:01:341 hour, 1 minute, 34 secondsOh, the easy faking easy. When you would take a shower, you were scared of something bad happening to you. You were
1:01:431 hour, 1 minute, 43 secondsscared of something bad happening to you while you were in the shower. So, someone would have to be in the adjacent room while you were showering.
1:01:521 hour, 1 minute, 52 secondsYes. Until you were 13, 14. Yeah.
1:01:561 hour, 1 minute, 56 secondsIt was bad. I also couldn't have sleepovers cuz I would need to get picked up in the middle of the night.
1:02:041 hour, 2 minutes, 4 secondsYeah. Um but yeah, the shower thing.
1:02:081 hour, 2 minutes, 8 secondsYes, that was real.
1:02:101 hour, 2 minutes, 10 secondsYeah. Then needing to be around mom all the time. Yeah.
1:02:131 hour, 2 minutes, 13 secondsI remember once you you you had a field trip to New York and you guys were feeding women at a Yeah.
1:02:231 hour, 2 minutes, 23 secondsI'll tell the story.
1:02:241 hour, 2 minutes, 24 secondsTell the story, please. Um, the people must know.
1:02:281 hour, 2 minutes, 28 secondsSo, in like middle school, my class did a trip to
1:02:351 hour, 2 minutes, 35 secondsNew York City to volunteer at soup kitchens and like food pantries and help
1:02:431 hour, 2 minutes, 43 secondsum serve food to unhoused people and and it was which was like such a an amazing experience.
1:02:541 hour, 2 minutes, 54 secondsobviously um and like a really good thing that they did and it was for 4 days or I
1:03:011 hour, 3 minutes, 1 secondthink like four nights 5 days and I at this point still could not be away from my mom.
1:03:101 hour, 3 minutes, 10 secondsIt was really hard for me. So I just at every we went to various soup kitchens and food pantries and at every
1:03:191 hour, 3 minutes, 19 secondssingle one I would end up crying in the bathroom. Um it was just so bad. And there was this
1:03:271 hour, 3 minutes, 27 secondsone time I'm crying in the bathroom of this a woman's all women's uh homeless shelter and
1:03:361 hour, 3 minutes, 36 secondsa woman an unhoused woman comes in and sees me crying and she was like, "Oh, baby girl, are you okay?"
1:03:441 hour, 3 minutes, 44 secondsAnd I was like, "No, like I'm just really homesick.
1:03:531 hour, 3 minutes, 53 secondsAnd she goes and she goes, "Oh, well, baby, I don't have a home.
1:03:591 hour, 3 minutes, 59 secondsYou got to have faith. You got to have faith." And um
1:04:061 hour, 4 minutes, 6 secondsI was like, "I know. I just I'm so sorry.
1:04:161 hour, 4 minutes, 16 secondsI'm not a horrible person.
1:04:181 hour, 4 minutes, 18 secondsYou're not a horrible I couldn't control it. I literally was in I was insane. I had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. They had us working in
1:04:261 hour, 4 minutes, 26 secondsthe kitchen. So, we were like chopping onions and stuff and I remember after we all like rireed of onions and so then the the the girl that I roommed with was
1:04:351 hour, 4 minutes, 35 secondslike here like let's just spray this product candy perfume all over us. So now I just have this this specific scent
1:04:421 hour, 4 minutes, 42 secondsof product candy and onions and it's like stuck in my nostrils forever.
1:04:491 hour, 4 minutes, 49 secondsOkay. So, we will reconvene tomorrow. I was up until 2:30 doing the cake. I think it's okay, but I can't
1:04:561 hour, 4 minutes, 56 secondsreally be objective. Also, I was just informed that the last name of the wedding coordinator is Valentine.
1:05:041 hour, 5 minutes, 4 secondsSo, that's pretty exciting.
1:05:061 hour, 5 minutes, 6 secondsThat bodess well. That bodess well for the marriage, me thinks.
1:05:161 hour, 5 minutes, 16 secondsHi, Cer. Hi. How are you?
1:05:201 hour, 5 minutes, 20 secondsGood. I came up. Were Weren't you asleep? Yeah. Oh. Um, did you look at the cake?
1:05:301 hour, 5 minutes, 30 secondsYeah, it looks really good. Are you lying? No. Okay.
1:05:371 hour, 5 minutes, 37 secondsReally good. Thank you.
1:05:421 hour, 5 minutes, 42 secondsI think I had unrealistically high expectations for myself. Oh, why you don't like it?
1:05:511 hour, 5 minutes, 51 secondsI don't know. I think if I had practiced more, I could have really given those [ __ ] at Buttercream Boston a run for their money.
1:06:001 hour, 6 minutesNo, it looks really good. Okay.
1:06:041 hour, 6 minutes, 4 secondsOh, I'm kind of upset that you like it because I was hoping you'd you wouldn't and then you'd say clever. But it's her it's her wedding.
1:06:131 hour, 6 minutes, 13 secondsI know. I think Myrtle will really like it. I forgot some of the fasteners for my piping tips and Lucifer. Lucifer has
1:06:221 hour, 6 minutes, 22 secondsa small shopping addiction and she saved the day. Very exciting. I know you refuse to watch episode one because you
1:06:291 hour, 6 minutes, 29 secondsfind it cringey, but it's too bad because you got to see the action figure that someone made of Ben.
1:06:371 hour, 6 minutes, 37 secondsWho made an action figure of one of the fans of late night? But they made my action figures of everyone and everyone else's action figures look like kind of sexy and his looks horrifying.
1:06:491 hour, 6 minutes, 49 secondsIt's so wow.
1:07:061 hour, 7 minutes, 6 secondsWow. did a really good job.
1:07:141 hour, 7 minutes, 14 secondsThank you.
1:07:231 hour, 7 minutes, 23 secondsI don't think I sound I don't think I don't I can't hear myself when I talk.
1:07:301 hour, 7 minutes, 30 secondsSo when I say thank you, you love hearing yourself.
1:07:361 hour, 7 minutes, 36 secondsYes. But But how your thing that I do that's your favorite thing to make fun of? I don't Yeah, I don't hear that when I do it.
1:07:501 hour, 7 minutes, 50 secondsHi. It's nice to meet you.
1:07:581 hour, 7 minutes, 58 secondsThis box looks kind of flimsy.
1:08:021 hour, 8 minutes, 2 secondsNo, Jafy. Perhaps we could have some sinister music here. Some foreboating
1:08:101 hour, 8 minutes, 10 secondsmusic so as to build suspense.
1:08:171 hour, 8 minutes, 17 secondsWe're walking down the stairs with Sister and the cake.
1:08:361 hour, 8 minutes, 36 secondsPatio door open. [ __ ] it is raining. I unlocked the cars.
1:08:421 hour, 8 minutes, 42 secondsOkay, thank you. Okay, thank you.
1:08:551 hour, 8 minutes, 55 secondsOf course there's [ __ ] It's your car. How could there not be [ __ ] back here?
1:09:191 hour, 9 minutes, 19 secondsShe literally said drop it off before 1.
1:09:221 hour, 9 minutes, 22 secondsBut where? just at she she didn't she said I know it's so insane and what's even more insane is that had I not
1:09:311 hour, 9 minutes, 31 secondsemailed the hotel like I would have shown up with this cake at 400 p.m. on the wedding is and
1:09:381 hour, 9 minutes, 38 secondshad it on my lap during the ceremony, which does seem like something I would
1:09:441 hour, 9 minutes, 44 secondsdo because attention, but and I bet you're so excited for later everyone to be like, "Oh my god, you did
1:09:521 hour, 9 minutes, 52 secondsthat." I'm not actually.
1:09:571 hour, 9 minutes, 57 secondsDo I want I do. But the only thing I want is a photo of like the tra traditional photo
1:10:061 hour, 10 minutes, 6 secondsof Myrtle and Epitap.
1:10:141 hour, 10 minutes, 14 secondsEpitap uh holding each other while cutting the cake and then me holding Epitap from behind also like a ghost that's haunting them that's been caught on film.
1:10:261 hour, 10 minutes, 26 secondsSo yeah. So, I I went in. Um there was a man at the front desk who was on the phone and who was looking at me like,
1:10:341 hour, 10 minutes, 34 seconds"Hey, even though I'm on the phone, uh say what you're doing here." And I was like, "I'm dropping off a wedding cake." And he was like, "Okay." And I was like, "Just put it here." And he's like,
1:10:421 hour, 10 minutes, 42 seconds"Yeah." And I was like, "And you'll" And he was like, "Yeah." And so um
1:10:501 hour, 10 minutes, 50 secondsI don't know what I expected but it makes me nervous that the cake is
1:10:581 hour, 10 minutes, 58 secondsjust I hope it Well, that concludes episode 4 of Desessert.
1:11:101 hour, 11 minutes, 10 secondsLucifer, thank you so much for joining us. It means more than you know.
1:11:201 hour, 11 minutes, 20 seconds[ __ ]
1:11:221 hour, 11 minutes, 22 secondsI forgot to do the other segments. What?
1:11:251 hour, 11 minutes, 25 secondsKey ingredients where I say the best parts of something. Well, I'll just do it really quick now. Okay, we'll do the
1:11:311 hour, 11 minutes, 31 secondsMartha Stewart doc. Um, okay. So, best parts of the Martha Stewart documentary. Uh she talks about
1:11:411 hour, 11 minutes, 41 secondshow her husband was cheating on her at length. And then she also
1:11:481 hour, 11 minutes, 48 secondsis like, "Oh, but also didn't you cheat on him?" And she's like, "I don't know what you're talking about." And he's like, "Well, you said that on your
1:11:551 hour, 11 minutes, 55 secondshoneymoon you were in this large church by yourself and there was a handsome stranger and you you and the stranger kissed." And she was like, "Oh, yes.
1:12:041 hour, 12 minutes, 4 secondsWell, it was Easter and it was a gorgeous uh church. It was beautiful. It was It was the moment. Um, and he was
1:12:131 hour, 12 minutes, 13 secondslike, "Okay, but wasn't there another man, too?" And she's like, "I had a very brief affair with a very
1:12:201 hour, 12 minutes, 20 secondsattractive Irishman." And she's like, and she doesn't seem like, "Oh, I've been caught in a lie at all. She just
1:12:291 hour, 12 minutes, 29 secondsowns it and it's amazing." And then she they're talking about how she was talking [ __ ] about the prosecutor during
1:12:361 hour, 12 minutes, 36 secondsher trial and she was like, "Yeah, that woman needs to be put in a KitchenAid and have it turned on high."
1:12:451 hour, 12 minutes, 45 secondsAnd also she was Yeah. And I guess she also said she was like she was like, "I'm glad that woman's dead." And then it turned out the woman wasn't dead.
1:12:591 hour, 12 minutes, 59 secondsSo, I would say those are the key ingredients from the Martha Stewart dock for sure. I'm going to continue calling this Tales from the Crypt, even though
1:13:081 hour, 13 minutes, 8 secondsit's um Chrysanthemum wants a new title for it.
1:13:131 hour, 13 minutes, 13 secondsBut today's Tale from the Crypt is a Mima quote that she only started saying to me after I got my nose job, which is,
1:13:221 hour, 13 minutes, 22 seconds"It could be worse. You could be ugly." I think that's a good Yeah. note to end on.
1:13:311 hour, 13 minutes, 31 secondsYeah.
1:13:321 hour, 13 minutes, 32 secondsOh, do you have anything you want to plug?
1:13:361 hour, 13 minutes, 36 secondsThat means if you have a movie coming out soon or a standup tour that you're doing
1:13:441 hour, 13 minutes, 44 secondsso that the listeners can buy tickets, anything. Not this year.
1:13:521 hour, 13 minutes, 52 secondsNot this year. Not this year.
1:13:561 hour, 13 minutes, 56 secondsOkay. Okay. I have a big project coming up um at the end of 2027.
1:14:011 hour, 14 minutes, 1 secondAre you allowed to talk about it or do you No. Okay. Is it with Marvel?
1:14:111 hour, 14 minutes, 11 secondsI can't say anything else. Okay.
1:14:231 hour, 14 minutes, 23 secondsHeat. Heat.
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