60: Tools for Managing Aging Relatives

Relieve unnecessary stress at the end of life.

In this episode of Up Your Average, Keith and Libbi consider the challenges families face when dealing with aging relatives, particularly those with dementia or Alzheimer's. They discuss tools and strategies to help families navigate medical, financial, and personal responsibilities while maintaining a supportive environment for their loved ones.

You will learn:

→ Why you should document change as your parent’s age

→ How to organize medical, financial, and other documents

→ What to do when tragedy strikes

Want to use our aging well documents?

Reach out to us at https://www.gimbalfinancial.com

What is Up Your Average?

Up Your Average is the “no nonsense” podcast made for interesting people who think differently. Learn to navigate your life with unconventional wisdom by tuning in to Keith Tyner and Doug Shrieve every week.

Keith: 00:00

We are going to help a lot of people with this aging process, and they don't generally wanna be helped.

Libbi: 00:07

This is true.

Caleb: 00:09

Welcome to the Up Your Average podcast, where Keith and Doug give no nonsense advice to level up your life. So buckle up and listen closely to Up Your Average.

Keith: 00:29

So we put this spreadsheet together to help families be above average on these things. And it's such a difficult conversation that I think most people just don't even have that conversation. So things start happening and rolling downhill in a very almost catastrophic manner. So this is a template that Gimbal has put together for our clients, and it's organized in a way to help families start thinking better about how to help other family members. And so what we have here is it's a template that we can share with our clients, and then we've put 2025, 2026 on to 2029, and they could then when they have it for their in their own Google files, they can upload all the junk they're getting.

Keith: 01:24

Mhmm. They get, like, files and all those things. Mhmm. And I'm guessing you've probably experienced that as you've helped family members. There's there's mail and things that come in.

Keith: 01:33

Mhmm. And trying to organize, that's very difficult. So then you can go into the 2025, and I think you just simply right click and you can put a new folder. So you can put a new folder on doctor information or medical information or medicine information, and then you could just the clients could scan that in there and then get rid of the paper pile so they just don't clutter their house, and then they've got access to it if they need it. And this is a tool that I use with my mom trying to help organize her stuff.

Keith: 02:04

And so that that gives them a place to put stuff going forward and clean out clean out the physical clutter. Mhmm. We put in here Alzheimer tip trip tips and and strategies, a pocket reference guide. When somebody's struggling with dementia Alzheimer's Mhmm. They have difficulty communicating the elderly person as well as the younger person, and there can be conflict.

Keith: 02:32

I don't know. Have you had any of the dementia stuff that you've had to help people with yet?

Libbi: 02:37

Yes. In my direct family, we do.

Keith: 02:40

Yeah.

Libbi: 02:40

So we've been just working through that just over the last year or so. Just uncovering what that means. And

Keith: 02:46

Yeah. There's a big temptation to correct somebody when they're doing And I discovered early on that they they the dementia, Alzheimer patient is literally like living on another planet. And even though they know the English language, their brain is not functioning in that way, and trying to have a logical conversation can create unnecessary stress. And so that's what this pocket guide thing is. It gives you just conversation how to communicate better without conflict.

Libbi: 03:13

That's nice.

Keith: 03:14

And then a lot of times that's created by by the diabetes, and that that's just a summary of some ideas from that. And then what we would do with my mom is we would interview her and have conversations, and then put the stuff we learned in there, in that grandma's stories in there to store for her.

Libbi: 03:35

That's nice.

Keith: 03:37

And so that by reframing the situation, you can do some productive things. And so that's all of those things. And then this was the key tool that I think our clients can benefit from. It's a spreadsheet that is kinda anal for a spreadsheet person like myself. But what I discovered is if you don't journal these events, you don't really know how bad things are getting.

Keith: 04:00

Mhmm. Particularly with Alzheimer's or dementia, because you you don't remember how fast they're repeating things. Yeah. And so what I did with my mom is I put, Mom is repeating herself every day. And I put the date there.

Keith: 04:15

And then a few months later, Mom's repeating herself five times daily. And then that that would have been on the journal of events. And so what that did is help me remember where we were six months ago, a year ago. And then that would be helpful as the family members working with an elder care physician or somebody like that to help with that.

Libbi: 04:35

That would be very helpful. We have with my family, like a a mini version of this, but it's really more the practical medical financial things. And I think documenting this category would be helpful too.

Keith: 04:49

And and the other thing is right up here, our clients can go up there and share with whoever they want in the like, you click the share button, and you just this right now is just shared with Caleb and me because we put this together as a starter point for our clients to share this with them. And so what we did then is shared it with both my siblings. And so I didn't have to call them every time something happened. They just had to go on this document and click on it, and they could read the latest things. Mom moved in with us, so that's why I put in whatever your journal is gonna be is gonna be unique, but I just said mom moved in 10/1525.

Keith: 05:23

And then you would just start I would put the most recent things on top. Okay. Then we had to then help take over her finances, and I would delegate to my siblings' And if they had to pay for something, I I didn't want them to send them checks every day. So we would write where expenses were at and what so when those expenses occurred, here's one, you know, 12/08, 2014 that we they had to come and stay at a hotel. So we we put that in there.

Keith: 05:58

Then once that was reimbursed, I would just go in there and highlight green, meaning it was paid.

Libbi: 06:03

Okay.

Keith: 06:04

And so that was just an easy way. I mean, there were thousands of dollars we had to to monitor, and it was just an easy way to not get stressed out by that. Then there were consultants that we had to hire, and this is kinda what your strong suit will be helping our clients figure this out. And we would put their name and their their contact information. And so, you know, if I was out of town Mhmm.

Keith: 06:31

And couldn't address the issue, then one of the other people that were this document was shared with could know all those people, and they would have the history right there while they're with the doctor.

Libbi: 06:40

Yep. That would be helpful.

Keith: 06:41

And then stuff to do is an ongoing challenge. Like, one of the ones left in here was determine when mom moved from Evansville to Indianapolis area, we had to determine which hospital system to plug her into. And so this category of things to do was health, facility, like where is she living, possessions Mhmm. Her house, what are we gonna do with her house, financial, and then other to dos. It just gave us a place.

Keith: 07:10

When we identified those things, we put a date in there, then we would just put a summary of it, then this would be delegated to whoever's gonna do it, and then the completed date, and then we just would keep adding to that. And then I put this from Stephen Covey over here. It was a system he used to try to manage life more appropriately, like what's urgent and not urgent, what's important and not important. And we wanted to stay over here in this not urgent but important category Mhmm. So that our hair wasn't burning all the time.

Keith: 07:42

If you stay helping the elderly over here in this quadrant one Yeah. Not like really stressful, and your health is gonna go at a cost. So we tried to avoid that category as much as possible. And that's what this whole kinda outline was designed to help people with.

Libbi: 07:57

Okay.

Keith: 07:58

Then we had some reminders for mom that she's loved. And then the things that she would say that were problems with her, like concerns, we would just put those reminders and then be sure to remind her of those. And then how when I showed you the story about grandma over her grandma's stories, we had a list of questions should we ask her in the spreadsheet. And so that would

Libbi: 08:22

I really like that.

Keith: 08:23

Yeah. That would really help build Yeah. Grandma's story there. Can be grandpa too. I'm not biased.

Keith: 08:28

So I'm not a sexist, in case you're watching this. And then we had amazing provisions, things that we couldn't explain, and we listed all those because this is a stressful process. And if you take the time to be thankful for what's happened, it takes some of the pressure off.

Libbi: 08:46

Yeah, absolutely.

Keith: 08:48

And then a list of things I've learned, and I learned a ton. And then those are things that we can help other clients and friends with, the things that we've learned. Yeah. Because you don't know what you don't know till you get and caught up in it can be very stressful. And then one of the final things this did was just allowed a list of possessions.

Keith: 09:12

I forget what the book is. Nobody Wants Your Stuff or something like that that's out there now that us baby boomers and older don't realize that nobody wants our stuff. And so they don't want to know it, but you wanna give people a chance to Yeah. Grab that stuff if they do.

Libbi: 09:27

So this is like siblings and family members who say something that they would like that would be meaningful The to

Keith: 09:36

the elderly person. But so that's that category mom's wishes. Right? And and somebody else who might just designate it. So if mom says, I want him to have welding stuff, then he gets the welding stuff.

Keith: 09:51

Right? I can so Chris must have said that he wanted the water crystal glassware, and so it could be either way.

Libbi: 09:58

Okay.

Keith: 09:59

Yeah. Because once things turn even worse and you gotta get rid of stuff, that can be overwhelming if you haven't already identified the things that need to be kept. And then we we've got a podcast out there that we've talked to with an auctioneer about how to take it from the point that we've already we've already addressed all these things to helping them get rid of everything at that point, because that's the next step after you've identified the things that the family actually wants.

Libbi: 10:28

Okay.

Keith: 10:29

That's this cleanup template. I think it's a helpful tool for our clients. And so any of you that have questions or like a copy of this, Libby is the guru.