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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Welcome to the System Speak podcast, a podcast about dissociative identity disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:In our mail today, we got a sweet card made by the daffodil squad, and that included all these amazing stickers from their littles and then also some buttons. Do you remember when we talked about buttons and the raccoons and it being a symbol of friendship and care? They made a rainbow out of buttons that they sewed onto this card. It's so cool, and I'm totally gonna put it up because it's so sweet. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:In emails, the number one question I'm getting is what happened with Healing Together because we were on the schedule, and now they've published the agenda, get as they prepare for the conference in a couple weeks. It's very simple. It is just that our situation changed in being able to get to Florida. It was just not gonna work out in timing and parenting and politics and all the things. Just for our own, safety and parenting, we just had to delay that.
Speaker 1:So we still want to share and still want to return to healing together in person. This was just not the year we were going to be able to do that. So this one this email, like, from Parker that says, I thought you were speaking at the Healing Together Conference this year because I don't see you listed anymore. Are you not speaking now? I was really looking forward to it.
Speaker 1:I am so sorry. We desperately wanna go to Healing Together, but this was not the year for us to be able to get to Florida. So we had applied. We had been accepted, and we very much wanted to participate. We had planned on it, but it is not going to work for this year.
Speaker 1:The timing is just off. I am so, so sorry. We will try again if Jamie will still have us, and we are truly looking forward to participating online. As always, system speak will have an open Zoom line going for people who wanna check-in between sessions and hold open the space of talking about what we learn or debriefing or a safe place to sort of settle if things get stirred up. We really love that tradition and, absolutely support healing together as a conference and all of the work that Jamie does with it and look forward to seeing you there in person someday.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry. It is not this year. This person says, please keep me anonymous, but please share with everyone that the symposiums are worth it. And there are several available this year. So please, everyone, sign up if you're able to come.
Speaker 1:And I would encourage everyone to sign up who can and to be brave enough to ask for a scholarship if you can get yourself there to be in person. Because it's in person, it's unlike anything else, and it was definitely worth us traveling across the country. Thank you so much for coming. I'm glad you're excited. We do have several trainings for clinicians, a symposium for clinicians, and other symposiums coming up, and we cannot wait to see people in person.
Speaker 1:In this case, thank you for coming to us. For right now, that's more feasible, but also and it's been a really powerful experience so far. You can see all of those on the website. This person says, I really wanted to connect and say thank you for your amazing work and the vulnerability you share with the world. It helps me live the life I thought I couldn't.
Speaker 1:Some days, it's all I can do to just listen to the podcast while I stay paralyzed in bed. It keeps me going through the days that I believe I cannot make it to see the light of another day. I'm alone, but not anymore as I connect to you and your story. Please, no matter how hard, never stop making the world a better place, and I hope that maybe one day I will have the courage to join you at an event, a Zoom call, or whatever else you have planned for this amazing community with utmost respect and love and all of our support. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. That's so kind. This one says, I just wanted to say that it lists me to know that there are others in the DID world who are genuine, successful, and passionate human beings. It has taken me a long time to find that as you must know the online toxicity that is present. Thank you for being here, and thank you for creating safe and brave spaces.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. It is something we cannot do by ourselves. It is something that we have to do together. This message is from Lexi.
Speaker 1:Lexi says, dear Emma, you mentioned receiving a fair share of unwanted emails. Most email providers allow using desktop software as opposed to their web based interface to manage email. Thunderbird is such a software. It is free of charge, trusted by large corporations, institutions, and state agencies, and it is available for all major platforms. It features an adaptive learning spam filter.
Speaker 1:Whenever you mark an email as junk, it will become more likely that similar mails will be automatically filtered in the future. These filters work by recognizing the frequency and arrangement of keywords so they can be trained to spot anything from love letters to hate mail. There was even a little preliminary research into using them to spot disorganized speech such as it occurs in schizophrenia. It's possible that Apple Mail and Microsoft Outlook also include this type of filter? I don't know because I don't use them.
Speaker 1:But this might be worth a try. You just need to make sure to mark them as junk mail, which trains the filter and triggers deletion instead of just deleting them, which does not train the filter. I hope that helps. Thank you for your podcast. Best wishes, Lexi.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. This actually was hugely helpful, and it is working. Thank you. This email says, I remember from the original episodes that you used to have a PO box. However, it is clear that you have moved, and we also can only find the online five zero one c three email through GuideStar, which left us wondering, what is your actual current preference regarding fan mail?
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. Guess what? We actually still have the same PO box. It is PO Box 3792 Bartlesville, Oklahoma 74006. You can still send fan mail there.
Speaker 1:I still get mail there. It is in Oklahoma, but the kids are back and forth all the time. So every time a kiddo is coming, Nathan just throws all the fan mail in there, and I get it that way in chunks. And then I can reply or, read it on air if it's appropriate for that. So I hope that helps.
Speaker 1:But, yes, we still have the PO box, and I love when we get the mail and are able to connect. I know not everyone wants to join the community and not everyone feels safe or ready for that, which is totally okay. And, also, I'm not at every single event in the community. Right? Because the community has become its own thing.
Speaker 1:And so it's really growing to be more and more healthy and not at all dependent on me or about me, which I love, love, love because it is healthy and it is safe in that way. It just adds to the health and safety. So even some people in the community still send, fan mail. Like, the one the card that I got from Daffodil Squad, there's someone I can see in the community, and also they still send fan mail, which is super sweet, and encouraging and helps us to continue. So thank you so much for that encouragement and for asking.
Speaker 1:That was super brave. Lisa says, oh, Lisa, my friend. Speaking of fan mail, Lisa during the pandemic, this is someone who sent me I don't know if you remember those of you who are, like, episode experts. Back on email episodes, Lisa used to send me art supplies during the pandemic. And some of the projects that you all commented on so much, I was only able to do because Lisa sent these random art supplies every now and then.
Speaker 1:And that was so kind, and I so appreciated, and it really got me through that difficult season. This email says, about the episode green, red, and blue. Thank you so much. I appreciate you sharing, and I learned so much about myself. I can't wait for part two.
Speaker 1:I love how your new therapy space sounds. You've created a wonderland for your clients. You are cultivating something so healing. And your family sharing personal therapy triumphs and pearls of wisdom. I can't even begin to explain the big feelings I felt, except for validation and hope.
Speaker 1:Thanks again. Thank you so much, Lisa. This email says, dear Emma, thank you for letting us listen to your piano songs. We loved the Thanksgiving episode. I did not have family to visit or family coming to visit me, and I felt very lonely.
Speaker 1:I listened to your piano all day and was able to do several things for myself for self care and for littles inside because that music was soothing and settling. Thank you so much. Oh my goodness. I'm so glad it helped. This one says, dear Emma, thank you for letting us listen to your piano songs.
Speaker 1:Happy wishes with much gratitude. Oh, you guys are so sweet. This email says, we can't even with the very hard conversations with you and Jules. So many parallels with our chosen life partner system. I especially relate to Jewel's feelings, and it is so good to hear their perspectives as well.
Speaker 1:Stepping out of roles, responses, and reactions are so so difficult. There's safety in the known, and there is trust and independence. Stepping outside of that feels like a total discombobulated chaotic system response. It feels like our whole system jumped or even pole vaulted themselves over the internal memory wall within as soon as I started to fall in love with someone so deeply. We too have been navigating the past couple of years and questioning everything as far as could this be real?
Speaker 1:Can we even make this work? For us, the answer has been yes, And we haven't ever grown as much as we have through the hearts to discover the blessings our wife brings to us. Keep up the good work. You guys, I love this email so much. This is actually a couple who met in our community, and I'm so happy for them.
Speaker 1:And look at them showing up and doing the hard work for each other for themselves. And I'm so grateful for the sharing. I miss you all, and I am so glad to hear from you. This email is from Sean. Sean says, hi.
Speaker 1:I want to thank you as your podcast has really helped me learn a lot about myself. We found out about each other four months ago now, and for the first time, some of us are developing a sense of self identity. However, it's causing a lot of difficulty because all of the hosts want to be called by our own individual names. It's absolute agony having to keep lying when filling out forms or doing introductions, and it's such a complicated spot to be in because we can't figure out how to stop deadnaming ourselves. Uh-huh.
Speaker 1:Having a system name that we all go by would mildly help us not be identified as a woman, but it wouldn't at all fix the issue around being called our own names because none of us would identify with it more than we identify with the body's current name. So we'd be still lying and getting gut punched every time we fill out a form or go to a job interview or get an email at work. Each of us wants to be able to use our own names every time we're fronting, but we have no clue how to go about it. This is so much more complex than a normal transition that everyone I know already understands, but god knows that's still hard enough. It's not even the society that despises the thought of me having several names.
Speaker 1:It's that every society I've ever heard of hasn't even heard of this. If you know of anyone who deals with this or has figured out a way to make it work, I'd really appreciate being pointed towards some sources, though I realize this is a very complicated thing where hardly anyone can publicly use alter names individually. And I honestly don't expect there are any sources on it, so no worries if you don't know. I really appreciate your time with this, and thanks again, Sean. Sean, thank you so much for writing because this is something I've been wanting to talk about, actually.
Speaker 1:There is a lot I have to say. First of all, I wanna validate the struggle in this. It's so hard, and I absolutely agree and understand how hard it is. And I want to say that there are lots of people on social media and YouTube who sometimes talk about this because I am less familiar with those venues, I will say. I do not have specific links or people to go to, but I think searching might make it easier to find some of those results.
Speaker 1:That being said, and generally speaking, without in any way meaning to minimize the struggle of this, there are kind of two things I wanna say. One, we can normalize it some and having whether it's a system name or just a name, like, we just tacked on the s because our last name starts with an s. So we just have our first name with the last name s that it then makes it plural. Right? So it seems less weird, but it doesn't mean that it's specifically that Emma.
Speaker 1:Like, there are many of us that is part of the diagnosis, allegedly. And so just finding a way to navigate that, that is about compromising for safety as a whole. Some people do that with system names. Sometimes some people do that with choosing one name to front with just for pragmatic or legal reasons. But it's hard because legal reasons implies personhood, and that's a whole different, like, discussion.
Speaker 1:Right? Adding to that any kind of transitioning is also really difficult and makes sense that it's a struggle. I would also normalize that lots of places I've lived in the world, people are actually called by their family name. And not that anyone wants that. I know for lots of us, we have family of origin issues or things like that.
Speaker 1:But choosing your own family name or making that a legal name, things like that can be possible and ways to navigate that without minimizing any individuality amongst your system. The other thing I really wanna speak to is just safety. I know it is very trendy to talk about system names, and there's lots of reasons that that is a good and beautiful thing. We did not, for about ten years, come up with a system name. And then in that one episode where Jules and I just happened to be talking about it, all of a sudden there was just something that felt right and good and we said it.
Speaker 1:But we don't actually ever use it or go by that or have referenced it since. Not because it's not a bad thing, but because safety and privacy really have become important to us in a way it never was before. And that is partly about our healing. That's partly about exposure. That's partly because of trolls and other things online.
Speaker 1:And also, part of it for us where we are in therapy, so that may not be your experience. But for us in our place where we are in healing in that whole journey is really in a place of needing to heal. And so for focusing on healing, it is more important to us to present externally in ways that keep us safe. I don't mean being ashamed. I do not mean fawning.
Speaker 1:I do not mean hiding. But I mean saving those pieces that need tending to for therapy and doing that in therapy. And so over the last few years, last five years maybe, we have stopped putting specific names on the episodes. There are some episodes where long time listeners know, and they can just tell because we shared that in the beginning. There are other times we've talked about a name because of a specific thing happening, like the Katniss story that comes up later.
Speaker 1:But primarily, we're just not sharing that anymore. And so it has been more important for our focus on working together rather than fighting with each other, for coming together closely in safe and inclusive ways, rather than isolating further from each other. There are just lots of very tender reasons. It has become important for our system to not use individual names as much, especially publicly, and to not over identify with a system name in ways that become detracting from what we're focusing on in therapy. Let me be very clear.
Speaker 1:I am saying this about our internal experience. This is not something my therapist has told me. This is not something I am using as a standard to judge other systems. I totally support other systems doing what is important to them. For me, it has be I'm in a place in therapy of being inclusive and connected to my system in a way that I never have before.
Speaker 1:And so supporting the whole of that. Being at the very beginning of therapy, like you said, you just found out about each other four months ago, it makes sense that in that season of therapy, there's a whole lot of just breaking free. Like, we're out. We got this. And everyone wanting to be individuals and recognizing the individuality of everyone while you're getting to know each other as a system.
Speaker 1:I'm not judging that at all. I think that makes perfect sense, and I have been there. I am in a different place now where it has become more important for safety and for healing that we are much more private about our names individually and as a system. I hope that makes sense. But for your question specifically and the place that you are in and the place you are describing, I think that this would be absolutely something you could look up on social media or YouTube and find some answers.
Speaker 1:I hope that helps. Okay. Speaking of fan mail, we also got a package and we opened it up and it was a music box. And it was a music box of the characters from Shurtails. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1:And Jules talking about shirts on the podcast is dissociation. It's so cute, and it's so tender and sweet, and we put it in the littles corner in our office. So I may also take the card we got from Daffodil Squad with the rainbows and just include that also in the office. And I love that you all are sending sweet things and tender things to decorate the new office Jules and I have. That is so sweet, and we are really grateful.
Speaker 1:Okay. This message was posted in the forum for the podcast, which we also share. I'm not going to say the name just for safety and protection. Protection. Also, it is a religious trauma kind of post.
Speaker 1:So I just wanna warn you if you wanna skip thirty seconds or a minute or so, but it's not overly detailed, but it does reference some of those pieces. It says, the baby Emma episode. I'm only halfway through this episode, and I have so many thoughts. I grew up in a charismatic church, and I believed I was evil or demon possessed because I heard voices. I was involved in exorcisms to try and fix my trauma related mental health issues.
Speaker 1:I also was blanket trained and physically disciplined since infancy. I am now in a mixed orientation marriage because I was not allowed to love women and stay in the church. The thing is, I still love God. I don't know if I want to leave the church, but I'm a serial church quitter. I want to stay married to my husband, and it's complicated because of the memories that come up.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, I feel like I'm asking a part of the system formed during trauma to keep performing in her traumatic defenses so that I can handle all the triggers that come with intimacy. Nobody in my church community gets these things. I keep thinking they still believe that I am demon possessed or that they think I just don't love God enough. I guess I just feel like there is someone else out there who gets all of this when these things come up in the podcast. My church friends tell me all the time that God is not like the God of my caregivers and not used to control me.
Speaker 1:Parts of me believe that and younger parts don't. When we were kids, we memorized so many bible verses justifying the way our adults treated us. We thought they were saving us from hell. This is really intense. We have opened a forum specifically for religious trauma in the community now.
Speaker 1:We are also having a symposium this spring specifically for religious trauma because these are hard, hard pieces. I think there are lots of us who have been through shiny happy church trauma in some way. I also was someone who was called for exorcisms because of having DID, and that is traumatic. That's not even faith practice. That is really abusive.
Speaker 1:And, like, my indigenousness would call that the wrong medicine. Right? It's the wrong medicine. Like, that's not what the problem is. Even if your faith includes some version of that or some understanding of that or some practice of that, like, I'm not disrespecting that at all.
Speaker 1:It's just that's not the same as having DID. People with DID are not demon possessed or evil, and hearing the voices or hearing others inside or having altars is not the same as being possessed. There are some places in the world where possession or trans may be even intentional and quite healthy as part of cultural religious practice. But this of applying the wrong medicine of having an exorcism instead of therapy, for example, that's abusive, and it's not okay. Blanket training is also super hard.
Speaker 1:We talked about that when shiny happy came out. And so I won't get into the details of that right now, but I know an impact of that is that it is really hard to see something you want or need or to ask for care because you have literally been conditioned. Some would say programmed, but to make it less but to lessen the impact of those difficult and activating words, We just say conditioned. We are conditioned to assume that danger will happen if we meet our needs or ask for what we want or need in any way. That's literally conditioning.
Speaker 1:So in the religious trauma group in the community, we talk about two facets of this. One is the deconstruction that we have to do. So if construction is like building a building, right, in the faith transition world or religious trauma healing world, they call it deconstruction when you take apart the things that you have been taught. Some people take things apart and just leave them apart. That's okay.
Speaker 1:Other people take things apart doing the deconstruction work and then sort of reconstruct with the pieces they wanna keep and leave out what they don't wanna keep. So for example, recognizing that hearing other folks inside because of dissociation is not the same as being evil or demon possessed. That is an example of deconstruction. I also don't think it's too big of a word because it is a word that accurately identifies what is happening in a left brain way congruent with the right brain experience. The second facet of healing from religious trauma has to do with deconditioning.
Speaker 1:So, again, when someone is taught the same thing over and over and over again or trained in the same way over and over again, like everything from Pavlov's dog with the bell, you can Google that or you can come read about it in the community, or, blanket training, for example. When you're conditioned, the same thing happens over and over again. That's a kind of programming just like software in the computer. Right? The program does this.
Speaker 1:But when we talk about programming, anything from like this to any kind of organized abuse, it feels really big, really fast, and it feels overwhelming. And we end up feeling helpless because it does not seem like we can override the program. However, when we recognize that all that programming is is conditioning, then we can decondition ourselves by offering different responses to those stimuli. So recognizing that I'm not bad for feeling hungry, or I'm not bad for feeling tired, or it is okay to ask for what I need, or to express my needs, or my boundaries. And that it is also okay as adults to say no or to say stop that or to disengage from harmful behaviors.
Speaker 1:We don't have that power as children. So our littles don't know that that's a thing, and we as adults don't know that's a thing until we learn that it's a thing. But everything changes when we're adults. That's a really big deal. When this person talks about being in a mixed orientation marriage, that can be a choice for some people.
Speaker 1:And for other people, it is part of religious trauma or even conversion therapy of if you try hard enough to be married in a male female marriage that you can sort of pray away the gay or that it will heal and you won't be gay anymore or that you can at least be obedient or things like that. There's but we don't have to make it a binary thing that you can only be gay or in a mixed orientation marriage. Like, that's binary. Like, these are my only two options. I can do this or I can do this.
Speaker 1:This person is saying they want to stay married to their husband. So that is a choice that they are wanting right now. And, also, even within that context, if that's what you choose for yourself, there's a whole range of other choices of what does that look like for you to stay with your husband and also get off your blanket. Is that possible? How do you do that?
Speaker 1:How do you be transparent about it? How do you navigate all of those things? For me and my experience, I ultimately could not, even though Nathan is wonderful and we are good friends and wonderful co parents. And as he has continued in therapy and I am back in therapy, we are both much healthier. So there's lots of ways it seems feasible, except that for me and where I am in my healing, not judging anyone else or shaming anyone else, I could not be healthy and holy myself and remain in the marriage or the church because I needed to be congruent with my identity, which Nathan understands and supports.
Speaker 1:And I was not welcome in the church, and that was not healthy for me. I needed to accept that they were not welcoming me and choose myself rather than choosing them. Because, really, they were because, really, that was not my choice. They were excluding me. So that is just respecting other people's boundaries.
Speaker 1:These are the boundaries my church was setting that excludes me. So by default, I'm not in it. And I quit trying to make it work, and I quit trying to force it to work and quit trying to sacrifice and betray myself in ways that were not healthy for me. That being said, I am also deeply a person of faith, even though what I experience as my faith is much broader and even has grown since the last two or three years. I also think that it is actually an act of faith for me to be more truly myself as I was designed to be, created to be, whatever language you want to use.
Speaker 1:It is an act of faith for me to be true to that and congruent to that rather than betraying myself and so then also betraying god. Whatever word you want to use for god. So there are lots of things in this share. I really appreciate your email, and I hope you are able to connect in the community or other safe places to get the support you need as you continue your healing work. And I think this was really brave of you to share.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. This post says, thanks for the indigo girls wedged in there in the middle of the playlist you shared on Thanksgiving. That song has come back into our life as a song of consolation and power lately. Absolutely. A %.
Speaker 1:I am so glad you caught that. It was fun to hear people's different responses to the different songs we chose to include. This one is from Sharon, and they say, greetings. I have listened to Sasha Crashes a conference many times and have learned and relearned so much from this episode. I wanted to say thank you for it.
Speaker 1:Truth to tell, I've listened to many episodes over and over again. I learned something new or understand something for the first time. I am so grateful. This particular episode is meaningful to me because of the explanations about dissociation as well as Sasha's responses. For years, I've been cruel to myself in response to having dissociation.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that's what I was doing and just saw myself as a deeply flawed human being at the minimum. To hear Sasha laughing about the description of dissociation as a self phobia is incredibly healing. I love it. I love her sense of humor, and it cuts this monster of my own poor opinion of myself down a notch or two or five. I have been listening for a year and a half now, and the podcast has enormously enriched my understanding of dissociative responses contributing to my growth and sense of self worth.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Oh my goodness. That's so powerful. I would also very gently suggest just because of where I am in therapy right now, that that monster you're cutting down a notch or two or five might just be an echo from memory time. So good on you, as they say, down under.
Speaker 1:This post is about the very hard conversations they say. I wanted to post after listening to this episode about the piece about putting our feelings on pause when we are showing up for someone else's hurt. This is rough for us because somebody else's hurt is at the core of how dissociation was the only option for us during abuse. And, also, as an adult in social justice spaces, we have seen this tactic used to create new abusive, exploitive situations that misdirect good energy into icky Cartman Triangle places and worse. But we can think of this in terms of what we've learned about the ninth step in recovery, about we don't center either our own feelings or the other.
Speaker 1:It's not binary that way. We communicate that what we think we did was harmful and that we have an idea of how we might make amends. And we listen for the other's idea of how it was harmful and what amends they are interested in, and we make our own decision about how we want to proceed. It's similar in some ways to what was shared in this morning's episode, but also fundamentally different in some important ways. It requires a lot of hard work on the first eight steps in relationship with support groups and safe sharing partners, often for many years before we're even ready.
Speaker 1:And that feels more consonant with our experience of healing than the idea of I hurt you, so my job is to disappear and listen, which not saying that's how you all presented it. There's definitely a memory time filter there. And also that energy is really buzzing around in a lot of spaces and is part of the reason we aren't in those spaces today. We're so proud of you all for that hard work and making everything so explicit that you can even share it with us. I loved hearing about how the delay has shifted.
Speaker 1:Me and my partner talk about that too. It's so wild how we run into these same issues and name them the same way before we learn how to talk about them with each other. Do you know what? This is so true. And I'm actually really glad you brought this up because we did have to do that, come full circle back to where I had to say, these are the hard things for me, and we need to and me learning in therapy for not just relationships, but also parenting and at work and in all kinds of ways that I, as an adult, am responsible for setting boundaries and falling through on boundaries.
Speaker 1:And also saying, this is how I want to be treated or it is not okay for you to treat me this way. And say things like that in all kinds of relationships and in all kinds of my not just what other people are doing, but focusing on myself and what I am enabling or allowing or permitting without even realizing that I was doing it. So it was really important for me to learn those skills and also a big deal to practice it. But learning that and learning what this post shared has literally changed everything. And, Jule's doing that same work also really leads to a healthier relationship in ways that we've never had before.
Speaker 1:And I don't mean idealizing that or that everything is perfect or easy because it's not with trauma. Trauma is hard, but that's different than either of us being the bad guy or either of us getting sucked into the Cartman's triangle and all of those things. So I really appreciated this post. Thank you so much. This one says, your episode on the intake packet.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for being brave enough to podcast filling out the intake form. I was just so grateful. I always find them undoable. The questions are always so intimate and posed distant to any relational trust often before even meeting with the therapist and deciding if we want to move forward with them. I am so glad Jules was there supporting you and bringing you back into the moment.
Speaker 1:Listing everything we have all been through is just so confronting, and there is nowhere to store the impact of that on the intake form. Having said that, I haven't laughed out loud like I did listening to this episode in years. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. But seriously, when Emma responded the whole a fifth grade, I mean, right? Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you appreciate this. I am so glad you appreciate that. You're not wrong. Like I'm a therapist and I know, like, there's so much paperwork you have to do. A lot of it is required of us.
Speaker 1:But when we teach the classes, I may have already shared this, but when we teach our classes, we talk to our classes even about how informed consent isn't really consent. Because if you don't sign it, you don't get the help. So it's conditional, which means you have to sign it to get access, which is not the same as actually consenting and participating. It's a hard thing. This one says, it's always the episodes you think will be easy.
Speaker 1:I was getting caught up ahead of the forewarned episodes for the new year. I figured I could listen while at work as the subject matter seemed like the same stuff I've been working on for literal years. I've got this. I did not got that. I replayed attachment wounds probably six times in the last two days.
Speaker 1:I couldn't tell you a thing about it. I I never cease to be surprised about where my blind spots are while trying to navigate getting better. I should probably be journaling while I listen, but then the therapist wins, and I can't abide by that. Oh my goodness. For real.
Speaker 1:You're not wrong. This is really hard and it's really intense and it really is that much. And I really I really am so grateful how everyone has been processing together and brave together while we talked about infanticidal attachment earlier this year. And then as far as I know, unless things change, the next episodes coming up after that will be about some religious trauma things that were really hard for us. So those of you who don't have that will have a little bit of a break, but hopefully some things are still applicable and helpful.
Speaker 1:And then later this summer, we're going to take a little bit of a break, not a break from episodes or from dissociation, but sort of change gears for just a hot minute because I learned some things about recovery that have been hugely helpful. And to be able to connect to what I have to share now about therapy, I need to explain some of those pieces so we have some shared language. So those of you already in recovery might appreciate them or find them too simple. Those of you who are not in recovery may think it's not relevant, but I ask you to stay with me and bear with me because I think by the time we tie it together, you will see exactly what that other post was talking about, about how much healthier we can be when we are including ourselves in care, which ultimately is part of our healing, but so hard for so many of us even because of infanticidal attachment. To include ourselves in care feels impossible.
Speaker 1:And, also, recovery gave me the strength and courage and tools and resources to learn how to do it pragmatically, which ultimately has actually helped me reengage in therapy in ways I have not for almost ten years, five years, eight years since my first therapist. So now huge things are happening in my system. Huge things are happening in therapy, and recovery is what bridged the gap to get me there. And there is so much I have to share. I have reconnected with my indigenous tribe.
Speaker 1:I have reconnected with some heritage and culture. There's so much stuff I have to share internally and externally, and I'm very excited for you to enjoy it. And I'm very excited for you to join us. Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this.
Speaker 1:Connection brings healing, and you can join us on the community@www.systemspeak.com. We'll see you there.