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No Stress is a podcast about training your nervous system to handle modern life with more calm, clarity, and resilience.
Just like physical fitness, stress resilience can be built. Through science-backed insights, real conversations with leading experts, and practical tools you can actually use, we explore how to stay regulated under pressure, recover faster, and perform at your best—without burning out.
Perfect for anyone who wants to feel stronger, steadier, and more in control in a high-stress world.
00:00:00:05 - 00:00:12:07
Unknown
went to Afghanistan, got literally blown up by a bomb. And I still didn't give up. I still crawling around, still trying to help my friends who were injured as well. When I was lying there, like bleeding to death, I was like, I've not experienced this kind of pain before, anything like that.
00:00:12:07 - 00:00:18:07
Unknown
But my mind was like, Ben, like, let's go. And I'm like, really? Because naturally you'd think just liar and die in
00:00:18:09 - 00:00:20:16
00:00:20:20 - 00:00:37:11
Unknown
Especially with my injuries. It wasn't like, oh, three weeks. You'd be all right. It was kind of like, mate. Like that's you ruined the kind of thing that you've done for me. It's like, oh, be the one who dictates that. But I'm having someone to tell me I can't do something. I had to spend a few years just challenging myself just so the bigger picture was.
00:00:37:11 - 00:01:02:02
Unknown
Ben, unless it's really bad. Like nothing will really stop you. And when you understand the difference between how you feel and getting a job done, you just separate the two and like it does become very clear. And that's why every day, regardless of how I feel, I'm getting out of bed, I'm putting this leg on and I'm doing what I need to do, and I'll do that until I drop dead.
00:01:02:04 - 00:01:25:11
Unknown
Welcome to know Stress by Paul Seto. Now we often think resilience means never breaking. But what if the strongest person you know was also the one who was struggling the most? By the end of this conversation, you're going to understand why resilience isn't about toughness. It's about recovery. Why the nervous system remembers trauma long after the body has healed, and what it really takes to rebuild your life after everything changes.
00:01:25:12 - 00:01:36:02
Unknown
Today's guest is former Royal Marine and motivational speaker Ben McBean. If you like what you see, there's plenty more great conversations and deep dives on similar topics, so please subscribe.
00:01:36:02 - 00:01:36:07
00:01:36:15 - 00:01:58:18
Unknown
then welcome to No Stress. Really excited to be talking to you today. And, you know, just learning more about your incredible journey and your experiences along the way. So before we get started, we would love to know what is your stress level on a scale of 1 to 10? One being very low stress right now, ten being super high stress, I think I'm probably guessing it won't be on the higher end for you, but what do you think?
00:01:58:19 - 00:02:16:20
Unknown
Well, thanks for having me. Yeah. Stress wise level, I'd say probably about two. Okay. Unless something happened, I'm pretty sure, to be honest with you. Yeah, I can imagine. And I guess it's all relative. Right. So in terms of how stress is perceived. Yeah, that's what I've gone through. There's not a lot that can stress me out, to be honest with you.
00:02:16:22 - 00:02:31:07
Unknown
So yeah, if I was stressed out something serious is happening. And you know, most of most of the time it's nothing that I can't handle. So yeah, I'm always about 2 or 3. Yeah. I was thinking it would be pretty low. I think for me it's probably about a 4 or 5 today, mainly because it's so hot outside.
00:02:31:13 - 00:02:59:21
Unknown
I'm like, am I going to start sweating during this session? So most people know you for what happened in Afghanistan. And we would love to hear more about your story as we go through this discussion. But before we do that, if we rewind, what was it that made you join the Royal Marines? Yeah. So the reason why I joined up was because my uncle was enormous, and I was maybe ten years old when he got married, and he was dressed up in the uniform, and it was about maybe ten of them.
00:02:59:23 - 00:03:18:10
Unknown
I remember just thinking, like, I want to be one of those guys. It all looked quite big and hard and strong and smart, and I just, I don't need a kid. So I just was like, oh, wow. And then, just planted that seed in my head. And then by the time I was like 12, 13, it was still there, but I was like 14, 15, you roughly know what you're going to do.
00:03:18:10 - 00:03:33:18
Unknown
So like, you've worked out well if you're going to be an astronaut or not, you're not messing around, you know. So for me, it was not going to go to university. I'm not going to be an astronaut. I'm not going to be a footballer. Like I'll be commander. So I started taking it a bit more seriously doing training, like press up.
00:03:33:18 - 00:03:53:13
Unknown
So it's pull ups, running, swimming. So bottom of 16 I was ready to leave school and then give it a go. Great. And was it will Marines because of your uncle? It didn't really encourage me to join the Royal Marines, but I just wanted to be like who he was. And as I got older, I looked into it myself and understood a bit more about it.
00:03:53:14 - 00:04:12:19
Unknown
He told me about what he was getting up to, but not saying, oh, you should join up or whatever, never like that. And then the war in Afghanistan was kicking off, and then this is roughly round when I was leaving school. You have the Royal Marines and the powers. They're the two kind of top ones before Special Forces, like the hardest training and the Marines training was a bit longer and apparently a bit more difficult.
00:04:12:21 - 00:04:27:12
Unknown
So again, I was like, just the way I was, I was like, I want to go for that one then. So almost like bragging rights. I suppose if I join the best then I've done it kind of thing. So yeah, it was always going to be the Marines for me. And then when I got to like 16, I was like locked in.
00:04:27:13 - 00:04:39:02
Unknown
It was always going to happen. That's really interesting that your mindset was like, I want to go for the best. A lot of people would say, I'll just go for the easiest one and get over the line. What do you think in your mind, made you the kind of person to be like, I want to go for the hardest one.
00:04:39:02 - 00:04:55:04
Unknown
I want to challenge myself. Yeah. You know, I've I've always just born like it. I suppose. I've never really had to sit down and think like that. It's just how I naturally think. This is why later on in the story, when I got injured, the reason why it helped me survive is because of the way I think, where it comes from.
00:04:55:05 - 00:05:07:23
Unknown
Don't I never just born that way. Things are a challenge I just look at as a challenge don't mean I don't want to do it. If it's hard work, I still like. I go on the moors all the time and, like, if the weather's like, rubbish, it don't put me off. I just think I'm going to get wet.
00:05:08:00 - 00:05:24:01
Unknown
Right. Okay. Yeah. That's it. That's the only difference. So that's how I've always looked at things. And that thought process actually kind of helped save my life down years to come. I love that, and I guess a lot of people would be thinking about all the obstacles, all the things that are going to get in the way. The frictions I saw that you'd climbed was it.
00:05:24:07 - 00:05:41:09
Unknown
You've done a lot of big challenges and things of, yeah, even as a kid, I've been at Ben Nevis about 3 or 4 times before. I was about 12, like so. I've always been active in, out and about. And then the Marines is a lot of that basically. And you even have to go up there in the Royal Marines in like winter training and stuff like that.
00:05:41:09 - 00:05:57:22
Unknown
So yeah, I've always been in the mountains, in the hills. I've always been outside in the cold weather. Yeah. All even the heat. If I want something, it don't really matter what conditions I'm going through. It's just I focus on what I want rather than how I feel. If that makes sense. I focus on what I want rather than how I feel.
00:05:57:23 - 00:06:17:01
Unknown
So focusing on the end goal, the target, the the thing that you when you go through training, you're cold and wet, you're hungry, you're tired. That's how I feel. But if I want my Green Beret, I've got to jump ten miles cross Dartmoor. So then you kind of feelings go to one side and I'll just focus on getting from A to B, and you get lads who put their feelings first.
00:06:17:01 - 00:06:32:20
Unknown
So even though they can still walk, they don't want you because all their big toenails hanging off for their boss, their lower skin off like me. Yeah. And they put that first. Or as, yes, I'm in the same boat, but I still want my green lid. So I'm going to carry on. Right. And that's just the way it works for me.
00:06:32:21 - 00:06:49:21
Unknown
Yeah. So having that kind of purpose or focus just you want something, can you just make sure you go and get it? Can you just tell us just I'm interested. What would some of the kind of challenges be that you'd have to go through to, to qualify and to get to that Green Beret, for example, you got to run 30 miles across Dartmoor in any weather conditions.
00:06:49:21 - 00:07:11:14
Unknown
So even if it was today, it's did it okay with kit on maybe 30 pounds, with a kit or something like that. You've got eight hours to do it in, you've got your boots on. Bear in mind you've done 30 weeks training beforehand. And a lot of it's actually like the weather as well. So like it might be -2 or 3, but you've still got to crawl for that water and then that bush and live outside for like a week or two.
00:07:11:15 - 00:07:26:23
Unknown
And that's what can get a lot of people down because of the conditions. You're hungry all the time. You've never got you. Let's say you burn 3000 calories a day. You're getting about 2500 calories of food. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you're always on the back foot. Yeah. And you've got to give it 100%, 10% every day.
00:07:26:24 - 00:07:48:03
Unknown
You know, you're running around camp all the time. You're doing Tarzan assault courses where literally lads break their legs and things like that on the 30 mile. The last thing you do, guys have collapsed. Some guys have died on it. Just gone down. Heatstroke, exhausting or whatever. And yeah, it's 32 weeks long as well. And every day there's something that you've got a challenge that you've got to pass.
00:07:48:05 - 00:08:11:19
Unknown
Then there's all these tests. And even though you get good guys, they can't pass. You get back troops by two weeks. If you fail, then you get kicked out and you can only try Jordan twice. If you fail both times, then you can never join again. So yeah, you've got to be fit, strong and also really determined because as I say, like no sleep, someone's shouting in your face 24 seven living outside, getting eaten alive by bugs covered in mind.
00:08:11:19 - 00:08:27:13
Unknown
Worst nightmare. Yeah, yeah. But you got to go through that to get your green lids to pass out. So you've really got to win it basically. And the ones that get through are the ones that really want it the most. So out of 67 of us, after 32 weeks, only 11 of us got in. A lot of guys failed.
00:08:27:14 - 00:08:49:13
Unknown
Lots of guys quit. But then those 11, like, we all have the same mindset, that same mentality, that same drive. So then when you join a unit and there's a thousand of you, imagine a thousand like alpha males, so to speak, you all very driven and nothing's going to stop you. And so then when you go to war, let's say you could be 10 million Taliban versus ten of us, and we think we're going to win.
00:08:49:18 - 00:09:15:05
Unknown
Like that's how we think it works in the military. But sometimes in civilian world, when you're still like like this, it may kind of go against you a bit, but that's how they build you up. Yeah. It is. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's stressing me out already. Just hearing about the training. So with that then it's about is it about toughening you up and do you have space for vulnerability or.
00:09:15:07 - 00:09:36:12
Unknown
I guess I feel like you're always on in that sense. Yeah. You do become a bit of a robot in a way, like a soldier and like you can just get in the zone, but at the same time you're still human. So like when I was in Afghanistan, for example, like, I can fight and not not be afraid because I'm just in my own zone doing what I need to do.
00:09:36:13 - 00:10:00:01
Unknown
But then, like if a bomb went off, I'd still jump and be like, oh my God, that bit you can't control. So you only know if this is the human side to you. If something happens, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Because you can sometimes like some of the situations are of experience and I think, I can't believe I was doing that or like, how was I not scared like doing that, but you just did it.
00:10:00:01 - 00:10:13:00
Unknown
But then there's times where I've stopped in my tracks and just thought, oh my God, that's really sad. Like what's happened there. And like, you might feel like you want to cry or something, but you wouldn't. But that's how you'd feel. Sometimes you can have a little bit of fear there where you think, oh, that was a bit scary.
00:10:13:04 - 00:10:34:00
Unknown
So you are still human, but I think quite often you can just snap out of it and just get into a zone where you can tackle any kind of challenge. And I think this is why people struggle after things like war zones, because you're like a robot out there doing your job. Then when you get to relax, there's no threat.
00:10:34:02 - 00:10:55:01
Unknown
Now you calm and then thoughts come back and memories come back and then, you know, now you start to reflect. But if you're too busy, you can't reflect. So it can seem like you are just a bit of a robot running around. I did meet someone a few years ago in here. He was in the military, I think in France, and he had PTSD from all the what he'd experienced.
00:10:55:01 - 00:11:14:16
Unknown
And yeah, there was this thing off, flicked switch on and off to be able to change your state. Can you still do that today? Nowadays, not so much. I have PTSD, mine happened about nine years after everything. Oh, wow. So years ago I could switch it on and off, so to speak. Now I don't know when it's going to be switched on or off.
00:11:14:18 - 00:11:32:00
Unknown
That's that's the issue. So this is why if it just happens, I'm like, I can't stop it. And I can't really control it either. Yeah. It's just a phase that I might go through that might last a week, a month, a whole year. Yeah. Wow. And then it might just die down as if nothing ever happened. Then I crack on the next day like nothing ever happened.
00:11:32:00 - 00:11:51:12
Unknown
So. But I can't control that. So it's one of them, although we can't control it. Do you have tools and resources? Things that you do mentally to support yourself? No, not. I can distract myself. I can go run around on the moors and go down the other pint or whatever and just whinge about life, but it don't go away to distraction.
00:11:51:15 - 00:12:06:12
Unknown
As soon as you're on your own for five minutes, those thoughts are still there. Yeah, festering away so you can take medication and stuff like that. But I've never been into that again. That's just it's not a distraction, but it's almost like blocking it out. So it's still there. It's just you're not aware of it. Yes. As soon as you come off it.
00:12:06:13 - 00:12:26:03
Unknown
Hello? I'm back. So. Yeah, I'd rather just deal with it myself. Yeah. Like live through those. Experience emotions so people accept. Some days I'm cool like this. And some days I won't even speak to people. Really? I'll just lock myself away. I'll spend ten hours on the moors, on my own, just walking around. And that's. That works for me.
00:12:26:03 - 00:12:50:08
Unknown
That's great. But we all have a different coping mechanisms as well. So that's that's really good that you're also aware of that you'll be aware of it. But knowing how and what you need to support yourself. Because when I first had this, these issues, I wasn't aware of it. So if I sat in a dark room drinking all day and my mind didn't tell me that that wasn't a good thing, which meant I could do it the next stage, I mean, yeah, at least now, if I mind said do it.
00:12:50:08 - 00:13:13:21
Unknown
I'm aware that. Well, no. So I wouldn't do it. I'd rather go for a walk, you know what I mean? Again, that's then taking years to get to that stage. Yeah. Some people make it through. Some people end up jumping out a window. My friend did exactly that. But, yeah, I managed to hang in there enough to see the light, so to speak, and do the right thing, which is just jumping around the moors.
00:13:13:22 - 00:13:33:15
Unknown
Yeah. And you've done amazing things since as well, like the work you do now, the motivational talks. And you've got a family and, you know, life is I mean, you do things that people who could do wouldn't even do, like climbing mountains and running marathons and all sorts of things like that. Like it's incredible how you've just taken life and you just go with it.
00:13:33:15 - 00:13:46:04
Unknown
And I think I was watching something where you did say, if you want to do something, you'll just go, you know, I'm going to do it. Like there's nothing kind of stopping you from doing it. If you want to do it, you're like, why not? Yeah. For me, it was especially with my injuries. It wasn't like, oh, three weeks.
00:13:46:04 - 00:14:03:07
Unknown
You'd be all right. It was kind of like, mate, like that's you ruined kind of thing that you'd done for me. It's like, oh, be the one who dictates that. So let me see what I can do and what I can't do. And if I can't do anything, then fair enough. Least I know. But I'm having someone to tell me I can't do something like I'll try myself.
00:14:03:07 - 00:14:19:19
Unknown
So if I just do all these different challenges that push me mentally, physically, emotionally and I can do them, then I can do them if I can't do them, fair enough. I got blown up by a bomb. What do you expect? So it was just it's almost like Marines training, like, oh, mate, you'll never get in. That's what the.
00:14:19:20 - 00:14:34:15
Unknown
When I first went to the careers office, the guy said, make you too small. Oh, really? And I was like, no, mate, I'll be fine. He's like, mate, your shoulders ain't big enough for too small to handle the weight, the carrying the big bags and stuff. And again, it was like, I'll be the judge of that. So I went through there and all of a sudden I'm getting in.
00:14:34:15 - 00:14:54:04
Unknown
So that's how I've looked at it. So by doing that, the marathon, for example, that gave I didn't care about no offense, raising the money and getting the medal. It was more of a proving a point to myself. And off the back of the marathon I thought, what if I can do that? I can walk to the shops and I can live on my own and I can you can definitely up to the shops.
00:14:54:06 - 00:15:12:01
Unknown
I can do, yeah, I can do my own thing. Yeah. Because these things that it does put you off. You think, can I do this and can I do that? Can I catch training mon? Can I you know, I've only got one arm in this and that, and it does put you off certain things. So I had to do spend a few years just challenging myself just so the bigger picture was then.
00:15:12:03 - 00:15:30:19
Unknown
Unless it's really bad, like nothing will really stop you. And so now I can do pretty much everything I want to do, just in a slightly different way, and it might take a bit longer. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Amazing. And has that mindset been with you since forever? Like it sounds like you've always had that mindset. Do you know what maybe created that mindset for you or just something you were born with?
00:15:30:20 - 00:15:52:12
Unknown
I think I was born with it, but I hadn't needed to use it until I was going through training. And then, especially in Afghanistan, in school, the nothing major happened for me to tap into that zone, so I didn't know that was what I was about, if you know what I mean. Training was the first time where like, this is actually hard work and I am cold and wet and I'm hungry and I'm tired and like, this is hard work.
00:15:52:12 - 00:16:11:22
Unknown
And then my mind says, and and it's like, oh, hello, who's that kind of thing? Sounds like your mind talk to you a lot. But yeah, you mentioned I remember reading where on the day that you had your accident, your mind said to you something bad is going to happen today. Yeah. And I've always listened to my own voice, if you know what I mean, because it normally speaks the truth.
00:16:12:00 - 00:16:28:01
Unknown
Sometimes it mugged me off a bit, but most of the time it's quite accurate and what it's saying. But the thing is, when it comes to being in Afghanistan, you've got a job to do. So it's not like work where I don't feel very well. Today can have a day off, even though my mind said, mate, today you're going to get killed.
00:16:28:03 - 00:16:44:14
Unknown
It was like, okay, fair enough, but I still have to go on this patrol. There was no way out of it. Some people say, oh, you should listen to your mind. I did, but it didn't mean I got to walk away. But I had to still go. Yeah, and that's why the whole entire patrol, I was just like.
00:16:44:16 - 00:17:04:04
Unknown
Because I just. I didn't know officially, but my mind was saying, mate, like, this ain't right. That ain't right. Even when, like, vision goggles weren't working properly. Look what happens. Yeah, you got that intuition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With everything that's happened to you. And, you know, people would look at you and go, wow, you're really tough. You're really strong, and you must be so resilient.
00:17:04:10 - 00:17:22:00
Unknown
Do you think that that is something that's developed for you over time or something you've always had, or do you think there is a bit of, well, actually, you don't need to be resilient all the time. There are times you've mentioned sometimes you will experience PTSD and kind of go into those kind of feelings and zones. But what are your thoughts on resilience then?
00:17:22:01 - 00:17:38:06
Unknown
So is it something that you feel different? Yeah, I, I reckon everyone's got a bit of it in them and depends what challenges you face and depends on whether it exposes itself or not, because you don't know how tough you want to you in a situation. I suppose if you don't put yourself out there, then you'll just live a jolly life, wouldn't you?
00:17:38:10 - 00:17:54:13
Unknown
So you only know if you're doing something. I look at it like, let's say your house is on fire. It's obviously a problem, but if you're like 20m away, you're kind of okay. You just stressed out looking at it, like you only get affected by it if you try and tackle the fire where you get burnt by the flames, you inhale the smoke.
00:17:54:13 - 00:18:11:15
Unknown
So you only are affected by stuff if you try and deal with it. So I've built up resilience because I'm trying to tackle stuff. If I just accept my injuries and just sit back, there's no need for resilience. I'm just sat here. But because I've tried to get out and about and do things, that's where it's come from.
00:18:11:15 - 00:18:30:11
Unknown
But over the years now, being a civilian and having kids and not being a soldier, I don't need to be as tough like that when it's cold weather. Like I'll be there in a t shirt because I was a marine. Just put a jack on. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't need to be that dude anymore. But Jack on put hat on, just chill.
00:18:30:14 - 00:18:44:18
Unknown
And so now I'm a lot softer, if you know what I mean. And I suppose that's why my PTSD plays a little bit, because I'm not. So, like, don't worry about it. Get on with it because I'm a bit more just relaxed letting it in. Yeah, it just kind of hits me a bit more. I think that's what it is.
00:18:44:19 - 00:19:00:20
Unknown
Yeah, probably. That makes that makes sense. Do you think that people tend to suppress emotions a lot, like in terms of your own experience? I guess now you're saying you you don't so much. You kind of let the emotions in. Like, do you think that's a healthy way of dealing with things than to just be tough? What do you thought?
00:19:01:01 - 00:19:25:15
Unknown
Honestly, I think it it just depends on what works for you. Yeah. For me, being tough worked for about nine years. So it is right. I ran the marathon during that time and went to everything that time. So it must have been doing something and now not being so tough about it, it's released it from my body. And it's a lot of the people know what really goes on in my head.
00:19:25:17 - 00:19:40:22
Unknown
So then the pressure's off me because I don't got a fake it, if you know what I mean. Like, people know Ben's got just the he's gone quiet because obviously he's going through it. Leave him alone. And that's a relief for me then, because I've not got to pretend to be this when I'm that. So I just think it's kind of what works for you.
00:19:40:22 - 00:20:04:04
Unknown
There's no real like manuscripts. And as to what that's the problem with, like as soldiers and stuff, like you're taught to be hard and tough and you could, like, see someone get killed or even kill someone yourself, let's say, and just carry on and just and then like two weeks later, you're walking around Tesco, you're back in the UK, like doing a shop, and then the next one you're back in Afghanistan, let's say after a bit of leave or whatever.
00:20:04:05 - 00:20:25:09
Unknown
And that's how it is. And you've got to be that way. And you might spend ten years doing that in the armed forces. And then one day you leave and you're a civilian, and there's no need to be that dude anymore. But there's no book that says, this is how you go about your business. Interesting. You just get discharged and you've just got a bloke stood there like, what, a Tesco?
00:20:25:10 - 00:20:40:03
Unknown
Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. It can't do basic things that everyone else can do. Your mind thinks in a completely different way and other people don't necessarily get it. Yeah. And then this is when you get people just stick together, the veterans sit together, you're down the pub and all of this and it can get a bit like that.
00:20:40:03 - 00:20:56:22
Unknown
But yeah, again, it takes years to snap out of it. So vulnerability now is probably one of your biggest strengths by the sounds of it. Yeah. And I think because I know what I've gone through and I can be tough if I want to be, if that makes sense. So if I don't need to be, then I'm okay with that.
00:20:56:22 - 00:21:14:18
Unknown
And it just takes so much weight off your shoulders as well. Like I'm when my Peter Steve first kicked in and I didn't know how to take it because for the first time my mind was being really negative all of the time. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, because we're not that ain't who we are kind of thing.
00:21:14:18 - 00:21:30:12
Unknown
And it was like, no, this is what's going on. And I was like, what ended up drinking the back of my car on Dartmoor for about a year. It was just live out there. I couldn't be around people. And again, because my mind was saying, this is normal. It didn't seem abnormal and you know, oh, where have you been?
00:21:30:13 - 00:21:46:03
Unknown
Oh, I was over here and I'm making these lies. And what lies I've told who. Then I'm starting to look a bit ill. Then I'm putting on weight. Then people can kind of see some. That's not right, but they don't really want to say anything to me. I don't really want to say anything to them. Then it gets really awkward.
00:21:46:03 - 00:22:07:07
Unknown
Then to save that drama, I just stopped chatting to my friends and family. Then it got a bit like that. So when eventually it all just comes out. Yes, it's vulnerable and it is a bit embarrassing at first, but once cat's out the bag, top of thing, it's so much weight off my shoulders and like, I can accept accept who I am and other people accept and respect who I am.
00:22:07:09 - 00:22:25:19
Unknown
And then when you look at what I've gone through, people think actually what you expect. So it was never that bad, it was never that deep. But if your brain don't tell you that, then you can get up to all sorts of crazy stuff. So yeah, now I'm 39, I've got two kids and I can't afford to, you know, bottle things up and go mad.
00:22:25:21 - 00:22:44:23
Unknown
So I'm actually relieved that if I feel something, I kind of try and let it just release itself straight away. Yeah, that's that's a really healthy way to do things as well, especially for your kids. Like to have that role modeling that they don't have to pretend they're okay. They can talk to you. And yeah, but then you try and explain this to someone who's in the middle of PTSD.
00:22:45:00 - 00:23:03:03
Unknown
They can't see what you're saying. They don't get it at all. That's the thing. Unless until your mind allows yourself to move on. You just can't. And this is why I don't really preach to anyone about how to go about their business and, like, speak about it and whatever. If their mind says, don't speak about it, just me not speaking about it.
00:23:03:04 - 00:23:21:17
Unknown
It's just you've got to wait until you're ready. And some people just never do it. For me, I'm lucky. I'm glad that after 9 or 10 years I can just speak freely on anything brilliant. And what's interesting is you mentioned your mind a lot and the the mind talking to you, very aware of the fact that you are not your mind from the sounds.
00:23:21:19 - 00:23:36:02
Unknown
That's the thing. Like I'm not Mr. Spiritual, but I think I have a mind and like a soul, if you like me, my own like spirit. So like my spirit might be like, oh, it's a nice day to day. But my mind could easily say, no, let's drink a bottle of whiskey and just sit in a dark room.
00:23:36:02 - 00:23:54:01
Unknown
And it's like, no. Whereas years ago I'd be like, okay, and just go with it. Now I think I am two separate and it might sound a bit weird, but I think I am two separate. Kind of not sure if it's like an alter ego or something, I don't know, but there's this weird side of me that's the way it is.
00:23:54:01 - 00:24:12:19
Unknown
Probably because of what I've gone through then is a normal human being side of me where I wake up just like you and look out the window. The weather is crap. And, you know, have a good time. Just want to do normal everyday things. But ever so often this thing here, it just comes along and tries to test me and see if it can get me to follow it.
00:24:12:23 - 00:24:34:02
Unknown
And sometimes I follow it, being honest with you and sometimes most of the time I don't. Yeah, I love that you've had such extreme experiences that even for me, I'm like, oh, it's really hot outside. I'm dying. You're like, I had to walk with the, you know, the boots and the gear and everything across Dartmoor. So it's just another level of like resilience and management of stress and just everything.
00:24:34:03 - 00:24:52:16
Unknown
Like I think it's just another level when we talk about you and what you had to go through in your time in the Royal Marines, and then obviously with your accident and everything else, there is this feeling of constantly being in survival mode throughout. So when you then had to shift and you ended up becoming civilian and it's like, oh, now I don't need to do that anymore.
00:24:52:17 - 00:25:11:20
Unknown
Do you remember any specific moments or things that you did to go? I can I can calm down in this moment or I'm safe in this moment. Were there any kind of tactics that you used when you first drive into a big Sainsbury's, and you reckon it's got like a big sail as a roof, you know, I mean, it's like four big white sale things and that's a big prominent thing as you get into Plymouth.
00:25:11:20 - 00:25:31:05
Unknown
And I was in that Sainsbury's there, it's called Marsh Mills. And there was a guy, there was like the self service checkout tills. We're in a big queue, not a big queue as a queue. And some bloke just he bumped into me and I just naturally. Oh sorry mate. And he went you will be. And I literally thought I'll kill you, though I didn't say I like, but I was going to.
00:25:31:07 - 00:25:51:00
Unknown
Your head just killed him. I literally killed him quite happily and just done my shopping. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, that's not normal. Like, what are you doing? And it was kind of like, I need to get away from that. And then like, let's say you're in Afghanistan, you're fighting here. Then you've been ambushed from the side and from the back.
00:25:51:01 - 00:26:10:17
Unknown
You've got two seconds to to work out a plan of how to fight back and get out of it. But now, in civilian civvy street, I don't need to solve every problem in two seconds. And if I see a problem there, I haven't got a jump in and go, why don't you just do that rather than that? Because you can come across as a bit of a fool then, because Mr. know it all, even if what I'm saying makes sense.
00:26:10:20 - 00:26:39:11
Unknown
Does that smart ass always got something to say? And you kind of like. I'm not sure if it's like slowing down in life or your brain don't need to be so hard, hard wired into, like, problem solving and, like, go from one extreme to another. Yeah. Like, there's no need for it. Like, just calm down. I don't remember exactly what I did to do it, but I do remember thinking like Ben, like you would like you need to now be a civilian and think how they think and move at their pace, like you walking around because you get some people leave.
00:26:39:12 - 00:26:58:12
Unknown
Yeah, I was a sergeant in the armed forces and all and and that 25 year old don't care. I mean, just get on with the job. So that was a challenge. What did you do in that situation then? Just not responding. Yeah. Just walk away or just keep my mouth shut. I suppose until I get used to this, this way of life.
00:26:58:12 - 00:27:16:07
Unknown
When you join the Royal Marines, for example, even your arm forces in general, you are who you are. They break you down to nothing. Then they rebuild you into who they want you to be. But then when you leave, they don't break you back down again. They go by. Yeah. So you're leaving camp like this? Yeah. And there's no need for that in Silly Street.
00:27:16:07 - 00:27:35:21
Unknown
So you yourself have to, like, soften yourself up and break yourself down. What you do. God knows some people find it really difficult, I did. Even the way you speak, the kind of language that we use and there's no need for it. So yeah, I don't recall doing anything in particular apart from just shutting my mouth, backing off and serving more.
00:27:35:22 - 00:27:57:11
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just more like people watching type of thing. And just then trying to fit in and doing that. They can't fit into my world, but I can try and fit into this. Yeah, that makes more sense. That's crazy. I mean, I just think now and I, you know, you walk past people in the street or you get irritated by something or stressed out, and there could be someone like you who's had these unbelievable stressful experiences.
00:27:57:11 - 00:28:17:07
Unknown
And yeah, you're just you're thinking your problems and they're nothing, right? So yeah, that's the thing. But the way that we are, it works in the military. Not all of that can be transferred into Civil Street. Some things just not needed. It's like being a sniper, let's say great in the military. But what are you going to do with that street?
00:28:17:07 - 00:28:42:01
Unknown
Like it's just not needed. So there's certain things that just leave behind. But if that's all you ever known. It's so difficult to, like, just drop it and then you get lads. You just can't drop it. Yeah, we see a lot of. I worked in banking in the past, and there are a lot of people who come from like armed forces and everything into into the industry, and people want those skills, but it's usually things like getting things done and a bit of harder, and it's that kind of thing.
00:28:42:06 - 00:29:11:17
Unknown
I mean, yeah, yeah. So my friends have done that, gone into the banks and stuff. It's out of the ten things that they, they can do, like maybe like four of them is what the bank wants. If not I mean, yeah, the other things just leave. Yeah. But one of the things would be, I guess, being able to cope under pressure and obviously very different pressures to being, you know, on the ground in Afghanistan, but but being able to stay calm under pressure and lead effectively and have resilience, all of those qualities that you have, which is just incredible.
00:29:11:18 - 00:29:29:15
Unknown
So let's move on to you're now dad, you've got two kids, two to young boys. Has being a father changed what you prioritize? Would you say it's weird because I came became a bit softer as a person because there was no need to, Mr. Hardman, if you know what I mean. But then when I had kids, it was almost like Bemis hard man to protect my kids.
00:29:29:15 - 00:29:47:13
Unknown
So almost like, went back in like, oh, do I make up scenarios? Like, if anyone even touched you or did this, I'd go and kill them and I went down that route. Whereas Zara would be like, oh my God, the babies were I'll be stood there like projects like this. The first night we had our way back home, I literally just stood above the cop like that the whole night.
00:29:47:13 - 00:30:15:10
Unknown
I didn't have no sleep, so I was like, go to sleep. Like he's asleep. I'm like, no. And so I kind of went back to like protection mode and fight mode and kill over my family mode kind of thing. And then again, it took time to then calm down. And I think only when Albie became a toddler, like, let's say 2 or 3 and he's bouncing around and daddy and crawling around and running up and down a bit, then you realize, oh, I think he wants me to like, play with him a bit and like, rather than be like, well, I'll be listening to me be more like, hell be.
00:30:15:10 - 00:30:39:00
Unknown
And and I'd never needed to do that ever before. All my nieces nephews had all grown up, so I've never had to be this kind of like, hello everyone, my friends and have kids. I was the first one that my friends who have a kid, so it was like, oh, this is kind of like weird. But at the same time I want to teach them to be strong and he's got to look after his mother and like, so it's kind of softened me a bit.
00:30:39:04 - 00:30:58:19
Unknown
But I'm also aware that I want him to be how I was when I was a kid. Yeah, he hasn't got to join the Marines but have that mindset because if he hasn't been born with it, I still wanted to have that resilience, that robustness. He falls over, cuts his knee, Albie get up kind of thing. And it's not like, you know, big boys don't cry and all that kind of stuff.
00:30:58:19 - 00:31:15:04
Unknown
But just like is your knee okay. Like, yeah. So don't bother crying then like carry on like you look at it yourself and calculate if that's needs drama or not kind of thing. I could say that thought process, it might seem a bit oh, Ben. Like, you know, like he's like, give him a kid kind of thing. But that thought process saved my life.
00:31:15:05 - 00:31:36:11
Unknown
It helped me join the Marines and saved my life. At the end of the day, it helps me walk around and get around today. So I think kids need that. And they can also be taught to be soft and vulnerable as well. But they do need that bit of determination that a bit of resilience. They're going to face setbacks and they've got to react to them in the right way.
00:31:36:13 - 00:31:52:18
Unknown
I'm not having my kids grow up and some of them grow their way to the floor. That's always the plan. It didn't go your way. So you want to move on. You go again like that. That needs to be taught from a young age. It does. And I think the way I grew up, part of that was why maybe bottom was 14, 15, 16.
00:31:52:20 - 00:32:09:16
Unknown
I'm looking at the hardest challenge that you can do. And I'm thinking, right, let's go. And that's for my kids, because there's definitely been a shift over the last couple of decades. I've seen a bigger shift of going into kind of the softer side, like, don't worry if you didn't do well or you can just like carry on.
00:32:09:16 - 00:32:35:13
Unknown
And I definitely think there has to be a balance there because we do need to some of the toughest things in life are going to happen, whether we're prepared for it or not. And so if we are like, oh, something bad happens, or like literally look after yourself, you've got to pick yourself up. Sometimes you've got to keep going because otherwise, like you say, your experience has made you who you are like it's built you into who you are and giving you the strength to carry on and do all these amazing things, even after that accident.
00:32:35:14 - 00:32:51:15
Unknown
Yeah, and that's the thing. Like, the fact of the matter is, like, you will experience something in your life a few times. Probably. You've got to be strong enough mentally, physically, emotionally to get over it. You can't just oh, when I was 17, I broke my leg and I've done nothing since kind of thing. I'm now 50 years old.
00:32:51:15 - 00:33:08:17
Unknown
Like, no, you only live once. You've got to be able to be strong enough to. I won't say because I've not really bounced back from my injuries, but I have made some kind of a comeback. You've made massive. And that's okay. Like it? Yeah, it took a while, but. Right. It is what it is. Yeah. I'm still living life.
00:33:08:17 - 00:33:28:03
Unknown
I'm cracking on and that's okay too. So the world's a big place. It's dangerous things that happen and through no fault of your own in some cases. In my case, this was really bad. But I've still got to carry on. I can't give up. Especially now. I've got kids and it's having that mindset of like, right, like life does go on.
00:33:28:03 - 00:33:43:14
Unknown
So let's try and make the most of it because it's so easy for me to quit. Yeah, it's so easy for me to just think I ain't doing that. Well, I mean, you said you drove here today, and embarrassingly, I haven't driven for about eight years since I haven't had a car for a long time now because I was a car.
00:33:43:14 - 00:34:01:10
Unknown
I live near the train station. It's easy and I'm going to start driving again, but that's just like, I'm just like, oh, I don't want to get in a new car. Like getting used to it, small things like that. Whereas you were just like, I'm just going to embrace it. I do, I do think that, I mean, because the thing is, I do whinge, I win, I moan about things.
00:34:01:10 - 00:34:17:03
Unknown
If I stood my little toe, I'd be like, like anyone else, but I'd just get on with it after that. And that's the main thing. Like I'm it's not about don't wind your mind about life and don't get upset if you're upset, but it's it's about carrying on and that's all it is. Like I got blown up by a bomb, literally.
00:34:17:03 - 00:34:33:00
Unknown
And people go, oh, I can't believe, like you did a tip one by yourself. Well, who else is going to do it? I need to get rid of all the crap. I mean, like, oh, wow. Look, you've only got one. Yeah, I know, but if that's all I've got, that's all I'll use. So it's not like doing, like, heroic stuff.
00:34:33:00 - 00:34:51:21
Unknown
It's just I have to get on with my life. It's just the way I do things. It's a bit more difficult than the next person. And that's it. That person got so bad. That person is in a wheelchair. That person person's got anxiety and can't leave the house. Really? Everyone's got their own thing minds this, but some people will use and I wouldn't say an excuse, but they will use what they've got, their limitations.
00:34:51:21 - 00:35:12:02
Unknown
They've got to say, I can't do this or I can't do that, whereas you went above it. So what have you told yourself? Is it? I mean, you said this in a few different ways, but what would you say to people who maybe watching today and thinking, oh, well, I've got, I don't know, a bad shoulder or I can't do this for this reason.
00:35:12:03 - 00:35:30:14
Unknown
I mean, I was given a disabled badge when I was at headquarters going for rehab. Everyone gets wrong. Seven lots of limbs and whatever. And I'm looking at him. I got one of those blue badges, like, I thought old people kind of get. And I was like, oh, this disability badge. And then one of my fears was like, yeah, but it's your it's about your ability.
00:35:30:15 - 00:35:50:24
Unknown
You can still do things then. And I was like, oh yeah, so I am disabled. But it's about it's not disability, it's my ability. Like what can I do? Well I can walk, I can run, I can climb, I can drive, I can actually yeah, I can do pretty much everything. It's just some days I have a bad day and I might use a blue badge like, that's it.
00:35:51:01 - 00:36:06:13
Unknown
And that's how I look at life. Like I've just had surgery on my arm, hence the bandage. But it's so. But not so enough to not drive a car and do a food shop in Tesco. I would not be going anywhere. I'd be at home and that's like three weeks. I could sit at home, but I could also get out and about.
00:36:06:13 - 00:36:33:08
Unknown
And that's just how I think and I think everyone has it in them. It's just you have to sometimes go through something for it to be exposed, and if it's not big enough or bad enough, it just don't come out. It's like when I was at a select hospital, I just left intensive care and my mum's not a carer or anything like that, but my injuries and all the other guys in the ward, it must have just brought out this natural like nursing her and she was just running around the world changing bed in doing this, helping people out in the nurse.
00:36:33:08 - 00:36:52:10
Unknown
Oh, could you just pass in and do that? And and everyone just let my mum just run the ward basically at one point and she's not even a nurse, but because what had happened, happened, it must have brought out what she didn't know was there, you know what I mean? So she's got the hidden potential or talent or resourcefulness.
00:36:52:12 - 00:37:09:16
Unknown
But if nothing had gone on, needs the opportunity. Yeah. It was never going to be exposed. Yeah. So and it was just like, wow. And that same thing with me. Like, as I say, I'm not Mr. Hardman, but when I was lying there like bleeding to death, I was like, I've not experienced this kind of pain before, anything like that.
00:37:09:19 - 00:37:29:22
Unknown
But my mind was like, Ben, like, let's go. And I'm like, really? Because naturally you'd think just liar and die in it, but your mind's clearly very strong. Like, yeah, like, let's go. I'm not crawling around this stuff, dragging my bones cross the floor. I did read about the yeah, graphic. It is bad, but I can still get back in the zone.
00:37:29:22 - 00:37:51:09
Unknown
Stay focus and stuff and so it can be done. It's just what brings out of it, I think. Yeah. It's incredible. I mean, yeah, I read about some of the injuries you had and I was just even reading about it. You're like, oh, that's just sounds horrible. Unbelievably painful as well. And like unbelievable experience. So I had a question on what you would kind of, I guess, say to your younger self, but what would you say?
00:37:51:09 - 00:38:11:19
Unknown
Something that you value today that your younger self may not have appreciated? You know, it's hard because not in a big way, but I think overall I'm quite happy with my self because I worked hard in school. I got like grades. I wasn't a bully or anything like that. I wanted to be real Marines commando. I joined up, I got in first time.
00:38:11:19 - 00:38:32:17
Unknown
I was only one of 11 who got through. I was like 17 4k. Nice one. Went to Afghanistan, did the best that I could do out there. Got literally blown up by a bomb and I still didn't give up. I was still crawling around, still trying to help my friends who were injured as well. So okay, so I'm burning like 20 years old at the time.
00:38:32:19 - 00:38:51:04
Unknown
Wake up in intensive care. The first thing I said to the priest when open my eyes was thank you. Like still kept my manners, still got my wits about me, still appreciated all the help I got. Went to Headley Court. I was walking within a week, run a marathon a year later, and now I've got kids on trying to handle my PTSD but trying to be there for them.
00:38:51:04 - 00:39:12:24
Unknown
And I'm doing okay. So when I look back, considering what I've gone through from school to to now, actually, I'm I'm alright with what I've done. I don't think I've done anything stupid. Where I look back, I think, oh, maybe the bit was living on the moors, maybe the PTSD drinking, maybe that. But as a young kid I didn't.
00:39:13:00 - 00:39:28:03
Unknown
I just played football, then went to school and yeah, I mean, sounds like you've done, like you should be incredibly proud of yourself. You know, I've never looked at it like I'm proud of myself. But I think for the first time I could probably actually, I'm, I'm quite like, if that was someone else's story, I say fair play to that young lad there.
00:39:28:04 - 00:39:45:24
Unknown
He didn't know what the hell was going on, and he carried on and fair play to him. So I'm kind of okay with what I did because he was so young as well at the time. No experience with anything. Yeah. And I think how I reacted and how I handled everything, I feel I paid with that. Yeah. Amazing.
00:39:46:05 - 00:40:07:04
Unknown
Wow. I'm like, I think that everything you've done, I just think it's just like, yeah, totally. Next level. I guess for someone who's listening, who's who's stuck, maybe in trauma, constant elevated stress levels, maybe struggling at this point. What would you what would you say to them? Something maybe based on your own experiences that might help them? Yeah.
00:40:07:04 - 00:40:25:05
Unknown
It's anyone who's struggling that there. You know those times will pass. Like it will get better and it won't be easy. You've got to put in the graft as well. You can't just lie there and all of a sudden you're happy again. Like at some point you've got to go to work. But if you go to work, it will get better.
00:40:25:07 - 00:40:42:22
Unknown
For me, I'll never get back to where I was. I'll never be as happy as what I probably could have been if I wasn't like this. I mean, but I'm pretty much as happy as I can be. And I've achieved, I think, pretty much what I was able to achieve with my injuries. And it's the same thing with people with mental health issues and stuff like that.
00:40:42:23 - 00:41:00:14
Unknown
Like these times will pass. Take advantage of it when it does pass, but then it comes with with time. Because like I said, when I was suffering my mental health, I didn't understand that this version of me wasn't ideal. So don't listen to it. It was all merged into one. And that takes time and experience to separate the two.
00:41:00:15 - 00:41:23:00
Unknown
Right now you just had surgery or whatever. Life's crap and you've got nothing to look forward to. That's what your mind is going to tell itself. Why wouldn't it? But in time your mind will tell itself that. But then you also actually I can get out of bed. So when I first got to Silly Oak and I got moved from intensive care to burns and Plastics ward, the biggest challenge I had was getting out of bed to a chair next to my bed.
00:41:23:06 - 00:41:42:04
Unknown
So it sounds very simple and silly, but that was massive for me. And off the back of that simple step, I was then getting from a chair to a wheelchair, wheelchair to Headley Court, Headley Court to getting prosthetics standing up. Then I was walking, doing laps every day. Then it turned into running. Then I'm running the marathon. Then I'm walking to the shopping mall down the road.
00:41:42:04 - 00:41:59:06
Unknown
So it's all these little steps, like, you haven't got to take these big, massive steps. Like they are quite small steps, but they do add up something big because I think if you ask me, when I was in salute, could you go for rehab, do a marathon or whatever? I'd probably said no, but if I accept that, if I just take little Diddy steps, I can probably get there.
00:41:59:11 - 00:42:24:02
Unknown
And that's important because people put themselves off trying to achieve things because of the massive steps they put in front of them, like from here to there is massive. Like you're not going to do it in one go, like little DD steps. And as basic as that sounds, that worked for me. And when it comes to like, you know, resilience and for me, it's kind of having the mindset to by understanding something's tough.
00:42:24:02 - 00:42:39:10
Unknown
But I'm going to do it anyway. And it's putting your feelings to one side. I think that's the main thing, putting how you feel to one side, like, yes, I feel tired. Yes. My answer yes, I've got us all ankle, let's say, but what can I do? Can I still walk? Can I still drive? What can I do?
00:42:39:11 - 00:43:00:17
Unknown
I can do pretty much anything and everything. And that's my main focus. It's not about it's not even as now as a parent. Like you'll be tired in the morning. That's how you feel. But baby's crying. I have to get out of bed so it don't matter how you feel. It matters what needs to be done. And when you understand the difference between how you feel and getting a job done, you just separate the two.
00:43:00:17 - 00:43:17:19
Unknown
And it does become very clear. And that's why every day, regardless of how I feel, I'm getting out of bed, I'm putting this leg on and I'm doing what I need to do, and I'll do that until I drop dead. That's so powerful. And it makes me realize how many times I've been like, oh, I feel too hot, or I feel too tired, or I feel this or that.
00:43:17:19 - 00:43:40:19
Unknown
And you do let your feelings influence your your potential. Essential thing that you can, can change. People care about it too much. I think there's a nice quote I remember years ago, and it's like one day the impossible will become your warm up. And it always stuck with me. And just what you were talking about in terms of, you know, getting up and going to the chair from the bed to the chair and then doing a marathon and climbing again and all these amazing things.
00:43:40:19 - 00:44:02:01
Unknown
It's it is true that you have to focus on I know this isn't going to be immediate overnight, but if I take the actions, I'll get to where I need to get to. Just trusting yourself. And it does work, and I'm living proof of that to get to, let's say, from being blown up to walking, there may have been 500 different steps in that process.
00:44:02:03 - 00:44:18:09
Unknown
And yes, it was frustrating, but it's the thing like I walk out of this studio and it just seems pretty normal, but you wouldn't believe what I've had to go through to be able to get out of this chair and just walk out the studio. Yeah, I mean, if I would Prairie wine, there's like a thousand steps. Wow.
00:44:18:15 - 00:44:34:03
Unknown
But that's that's how it works. And people, when they don't realize that, they think I've broke my leg. Let's say cast had come off in six weeks, then I should be walking. Well, actually, mate, it's going to be a bit like this. Like you won't get the feeling straight away, you won't be able to jump around straight away and people are just too eager to get back to normal.
00:44:34:07 - 00:44:58:16
Unknown
And I was at one point. But as I say, when you accept that there's a process to things and sometimes it's long and it's hard work, and yet suffering discomfort is a part of it, but also effort is a part of it. And if you're not willing to put the graft in, then that's on you. So, Ben, when it comes to children and resilience, we've talked about how we can help our children or, you know, the approach we can take to help our children to become more resilient.
00:44:58:17 - 00:45:18:02
Unknown
Whose responsibility? Do you think that is? Is it is it yours as a parent? Is it is it teachers? Like at what age do we start? Yeah, I think when it comes to resilience in teaching kids, you'd think it's a parent's job if their kids. But if their parents won't talk that and they're not that resilient themselves. And then how can they teach their kids.
00:45:18:02 - 00:45:40:21
Unknown
So in school, part of the educational system should be preparing kids to face the big world world. And part of that is resilience and robustness. So if it don't come from home. Fair enough. But it should be almost part of the curriculum where I'm not letting you leave school if you're not capable, so to speak. So you will leave school with resilience now, to be robust now to handle a setback and how to react to one.
00:45:40:21 - 00:46:01:22
Unknown
So I think it works both ways for me. I'm teaching my kids from home because I'm that kind of a person. But if you're not, then teachers should definitely be implementing that in the school. And this is why when I go into schools and share my story, as harsh as it sounds, because it's not the best thing in the world, I have to tell it as raw as it is to prepare them and say, look, things are going to happen in life.
00:46:01:22 - 00:46:18:20
Unknown
Hopefully not this, but pace else when you go out there, because not everyone's going to be as kind as your teachers or your parents. It's a harsh world out there and you've got to be tough to handle it. So yeah, a bit of parenting that would be ideal. Yeah. But if not school and what do you think schools can do just off the top of your head?
00:46:18:20 - 00:46:39:01
Unknown
1 or 2 things, just because, I mean, they're not going to get them to like carry a big rucksacks full of like, you know, they're actually my schools like that. I'd loads of textbooks in my research. I think they should do I think not as in the military base wise, but they should get kids out there in the cold weather, get them wearing a bag and lose a bit of skin on the lower back and get a blister like, what's there not going to die?
00:46:39:05 - 00:46:53:05
Unknown
I mean, like, what's the problem? Like just sitting in the classroom all day and then having half an hour for lunch break, breaking playground, tunnel, whatever. What use is that really in the big wide world? Nothing. Get them out. Get them in safe. Yeah, get them in the forest school. My five year old goes to Forest School. They go on the moors.
00:46:53:06 - 00:47:09:03
Unknown
And if it's raining, well, you're gonna get wet. And isn't it like put a walk with Jack on that? That's all it is. Like, go out there and get him outside the comfort zone. Because in the big world world, it's not just you sat on the desk like typing the computer or writing in peace of paper. It's you falling over in the street.
00:47:09:03 - 00:47:23:13
Unknown
It's someone having a go at you. It's someone in your face, and you're not sure how to react to it. It's you failing at something. And rather than giving up on life, it's understanding. Okay, I was prepared for this because I was taught from school. Things won't always go my way. I was expecting to be. But I've got a deep like.
00:47:23:16 - 00:47:40:17
Unknown
I mean like, do I just give up and not not go to the next is am like it's doing it from school and this the younger you get them the better. So the more prepared. And this is why I was taught things in school and at home and obviously in the armed forces. So now I can look at challenges like they're not really challenges.
00:47:40:18 - 00:47:56:23
Unknown
It's just I want to do this and that or go and give it a go. And even then I still fail. But the best chance you got to succeed is if you approach it in the right way. Yeah. And that's where it has to come from school. And it means that you've got to get the kids out of class and get them out in the real world, hustling and busting and doing whatever.
00:47:56:24 - 00:48:12:10
Unknown
Then so be it, because you can't just, like, pamper them too much and then say, off you go. And the first, because it's a thing in school, you get looked after, so to speak. You lose on Sports Day, but you're still a winner. Yes. And then you go in a bid world and it's like, no, you're lost. And you're like, you what?
00:48:12:12 - 00:48:28:22
Unknown
So you can't experience that theme for the first time. At 18, you've got to be building up from five for some people now is that. Yeah. You got to be experiencing that from five, six years old. Ready for 18. Yes. And just one question on the back of that for people listening, there might be a bit of well, okay, I can do that.
00:48:28:22 - 00:48:45:00
Unknown
But then I'm going to I'm going to come across a coming too tough. So is there anything that can help people to understand when they've got the balance right? And this might be a hard question to answer, but I'm just curious. I the one you'll know it yourself with experience over time or to gauge in on people's reactions.
00:48:45:02 - 00:49:00:10
Unknown
They'll tell you if it's needed or not. The chances of use sitting at home going I reckon that was a bit too much today. It's probably slim unless someone's reacted where you thought I was only trying to help, but maybe I should back off too. Sometimes you are just trying to help and that person maybe don't want it.
00:49:00:13 - 00:49:18:08
Unknown
And someone's got to tap you and say, mate, listen, it's a bit too much. Or I think that's kind of how it works. The chances of someone just reflecting at home every evening and tweaking things every day is slim, like normally got to be told. Or you think, oh, now looking back. Actually, damn. And then that might change.
00:49:18:12 - 00:49:34:05
Unknown
So yeah, like just just do your best. But yeah, if you can go out there trying out people say your piece and over time you'll understand what's enough and what's a bit too much and whatever. Yeah. Brilliant. Okay. That's that's helpful because I think that's something that I would struggle with. I'm like, oh, I need to like, you know, you fell over.
00:49:34:05 - 00:49:48:20
Unknown
I need to you need to learn to, to get up again. But on the other hand, I'm like, oh, I should be like the good parent and and check in. And that's normal. Like when I say I'm like, I have a go at my kids for doing something like, no, you don't do that. And and at the time, yeah, that was right thing to do.
00:49:48:20 - 00:50:07:22
Unknown
But then I might later on think I probably could have said this rather than that. And he's only five, to be fair. So he's not like an 18 year old get up and carry like. But that's just life. And then so the next time you remember actually maybe give him a bit of a break because of this and that, but at the same time, like still be tough, if you know what I mean.
00:50:07:22 - 00:50:28:24
Unknown
So like it's a balance and everyone's different and you've got to gauge it and figure out yourself. Yeah. But based on reactions and the environment around. Yeah, that's super helpful. Before we finish off, is there something that people always want to know from you? Like what's your secret ingredient or a magic bullet that you use to to kind of really overcome challenges and to build your resilience?
00:50:28:24 - 00:50:47:11
Unknown
What would you say? Yeah, for anyone who's going through something, any kind of hard times or they think they're about to because they will come, everyone has to go through something in life. For me, it's about it's about smiling. It's about appreciating life. You don't have to go through what I've gone through to appreciate life. This is why I share my story.
00:50:47:11 - 00:51:07:04
Unknown
Because what I went through was horrendous. And just to be able to sit here and smile, talk, drive a car, walk around the local shops, be your father, be your son, have a beer down the pub, in the pub garden or whatever. Like it's taken so much and you haven't got to go through that to realize that resilience you can get for free.
00:51:07:09 - 00:51:22:09
Unknown
You've not got to go through what I've gone through. Like you can build yourself up. This is what I'm saying about doing it from when you're a kid, you know, have that robustness. Don't be afraid to take on a challenge because that's what that's what helps you grow as a person. Things that you're afraid of. If you really want to do it, still give it a go anyway.
00:51:22:11 - 00:51:41:05
Unknown
Don't back off from it. Like give it a go. Like, what's the worst that can happen? You might fail, go again or walk away. And that's all it is. Because, you know, my my whole rehab journey, it hasn't been that complex. Isn't that complicated? It's about Ben. All you got to get your ass out of bed getting gear and go out there and see what you can do and that's it.
00:51:41:05 - 00:52:01:12
Unknown
And yes, when I, when I was a kid, like, talk about like, resilience and stuff like that, like setbacks and you know, you always have setbacks, but it's how you react to those setbacks, which is what counts. And this is why I think it's important to like someone said this analogy years ago, it's a bit like you've got ten five year old kids in class.
00:52:01:14 - 00:52:17:12
Unknown
Ask them all to like draw a picture of God or whatever. They all start drawing. They've not even seen God even know if he probably can't even spell God. They just start drawing all ten of them. Who's right? Who's wrong? Well, no one's right. No one's wrong. Fast forward ten years there. 15. The same kids say draw picture of God.
00:52:17:13 - 00:52:35:22
Unknown
The all draw the same picture. It's it's not because everyone believes in God or thinks he or she looks that way. It's their drawing what they thinks, the right thing to draw, what the teacher wants to see, if you know what I mean. And the thing is, you got you got to try and be that five year old still and be yourself and be creative and like, you know, be who you are.
00:52:35:24 - 00:52:52:13
Unknown
That's what's really important. So for me, I've always been me. I've always made a point of trying to be me. Don't go down this like trap where you become like numb to the world and you're too afraid to even challenge for things like don't be afraid to try and win a race like mean. Don't be afraid to win.
00:52:52:14 - 00:53:09:20
Unknown
Don't be afraid to go out there and fight for what you want. Don't be afraid to fail. I've done some really embarrassing things because I've been trying to succeed in things. That's life. Some things have worked out. Some things are failed miserably at, and that's okay. But I think overall, if you look at my story, the word resilience just have my face beneath it.
00:53:09:20 - 00:53:27:06
Unknown
Can't think from what I've gone through. I've just not stopped. I've never given up. I've always cracked on. And considering what I've done and gone through where I am today, where I can do basic things like go to the shops, that's what it's about. You know, setbacks are common, but how you get to those setbacks, I think what counts.
00:53:27:07 - 00:53:42:18
Unknown
Yeah. Love that. There's so many, so many powerful messages in everything that you've said today. And I think the strongest one for me, well, the biggest one for me is we are stronger than we think, and we should believe in ourselves more than we maybe do and take that, I guess, more rational, logical approach sometimes. Like try it out.
00:53:42:19 - 00:53:59:24
Unknown
If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. So what it's worth, it can happen. That's the thing. Like it's that whole feeling thing. Like put your feelings to one side. Just try it. Just you want to do something. Now take away the feelings and then see how you feel about it. You probably just give it a go. Like take emotions and feelings out of things and you probably give anything a go.
00:54:00:05 - 00:54:17:04
Unknown
That's all it is. Everyone looks at things based upon how they feel about it. I want to post that thing on social media. Go on then. We'll do it then. But they add feelings to it. But what? Don't get any likes. What if someone laughs at me? What if I look like a fool? That's what stops them. So it's not that they can't physically do it.
00:54:17:05 - 00:54:36:22
Unknown
It's just you're basing it on how you feel about doing it. And that's the thing. Just anyone who's watching. Just try just for one day to do things minus how you feel about it. Love that. Love that really, really powerful message. Thank you Ben. Thank you. So on a scale of 1 to 10, at the beginning, I think you were 2 or 3 stress levels.
00:54:36:24 - 00:54:59:05
Unknown
Where are your stress levels now? Ten. I don't know. Again, just still a 2 or 3 like this is just a true story of what happened to me. And I don't mind sharing it and experiences or advice or whatever. So it's pretty calm. It's been a pleasure to be asked to come and share stories and forgot any advice to give it?
00:54:59:06 - 00:55:18:05
Unknown
So yeah, it's a 2 or 3. I'm happy. Okay. That's great. Thank you Ben. Thank you and really, really enjoyed our conversation. You know, I'm in awe of all the things that you've done and how you've embraced life after such a difficult situation. And yeah, I just think your your positivity and your attitude is it really stands out.
00:55:18:10 - 00:55:24:11
Unknown
I think that's the thing that really sets you apart and we can all learn from you. So thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. Thank
00:55:24:13 - 00:55:46:19
Unknown
Resilience isn't about pretending you're okay, it's about giving your mind and your body the chance to recover. So a huge thank you to Ben McBean for joining us today. So if you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to No Stress for more conversations exploring resilience, recovery, and the science of managing stress. We would also love to hear from you. So what does resilience actually mean to you?
00:55:46:20 - 00:56:07:13
Unknown
Please leave a comment below and let us know who you'd like to see on the show next! As a thank you for being part of the no Stress community use code, no stress for 10% off at. You can't always control what happens to you, but you can train how your body responds. And if you'd like to learn more about building stress, resilience, and supporting your nervous system, then visit.