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"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.
Ep47
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[00:00:00]
Audra Dinell: Welcome back to a lot with Audra, a podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each Monday this year, I'll drop a new episode aiming to encourage you to embrace your mini roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy through candid conversations, practical strategies, and inspiring stories.
This podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success. Without losing yourself in the process.
Meet Janice Perkins
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Audra Dinell: Today we're talking to one of our all star speakers at the thread, Janice Perkins.
Janice founded capacity in 2019. She has spoken at international conferences on marketing, brand [00:01:00] development, leadership and culture. Her journey in executive coaching began with a passion for helping people unlock their hidden potential. Janice helps executives and executive teams see things they can't see and remove obstacles to improve their leadership.
In addition to one-on-one coaching, Janice has also facilitated workshops and seminars on leadership. Team dynamics and personal development. She's currently pursuing her PhD in leadership communication. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I know. I'm so excited to be here too.
Building Confidence and Friendship
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Audra Dinell: And I have to tell a backstory, when I first moved back to the Midwest, you were one of the first women that my dad had said, you have to connect with this woman.
She's got it going on. She's amazing, and you were just so warm and our friendship just kind of kicked off. It did organically.
Janice Perkins: I kind of feel like I have flashbacks to having like some stomping lessons that we had in the hallway for like walking our walk and being [00:02:00] strong and dedicated and confident in what we were doing, even though we had no idea what we were doing at the same time.
Audra Dinell: Yes. Well, and it's like, you know, some women, they, they struggle with embracing that and just showing up and going. All in and being themselves. And I feel like that we were a little bit the opposite. We were like, no, you're gonna hear me when I'm walking down the hall. We were a little bit of bad energy
Janice Perkins: for
Audra Dinell: each other.
Janice Perkins: Like, we're
Audra Dinell: boss bitches. I know. We can do whatever we
Janice Perkins: want. No, we were good for each other.
Audra Dinell: Aw, so fun. Well, thanks for being on the podcast. Mm-hmm. Excited to be here. Every time you come to the thread. There are tears. And you know, you know I say that and I'm kind of joking, but I'm like, no. Always make people cry.
What is it? Yes. You, you just, you have a way of helping people like unlock things inside themselves and it's just so beautiful.
Janice Perkins: Thank you. Yeah.
The Power of Sharing Stories
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Janice Perkins: I think that comes from my own personal journey of falling on my face. Mm-hmm. Multiple times. Right. In the muck and the ugly and the discovery of the broken things comes the ability to, like, if you don't talk about [00:03:00] this, then other people don't get up.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: Right. I mean, it's what testimony actually means, like we have to talk about what we've been through. 'cause somebody else somewhere is feeling alone. Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Well, and if you don't talk about it, it just stays stuck in inside you and just bottles and manifests into not what you want.
Janice Perkins: Oh, everything has more power and darkness.
Right. But when you bring it to the light, it loses its power. Yeah. And that's why like talking about it and sharing our stories is so important. 'cause we bring it to the light. The things that hold us in the darkness only have power in aloneness. And when we leave them in closets and when we cover them up, but when we bring 'em into the light, they lose that.
Audra Dinell: Well, we normalize it because even if you think you're, you're alone in this struggle or you're alone in this shame, or you're alone in this desire, this challenge, you're not, I mean, you just never are. No, no. There's always someone else who, it's like you just shared something that's been in me that I've, I've never.
Shared with the world.
Janice Perkins: Well, and it's also perspective giving, right? I might think I'm in the [00:04:00] worst dark cloud on the planet and then someone else shares their testimony and all of a sudden, like what I'm really going through is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And I can pick one foot up and keep moving 'cause I'm not carrying that load.
Yeah. And it's great perspective giving.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. If they can do it, I can do it too. So speaking of today, you know, in our community. You're so respected, your life looks so grounded and full of purpose.
Janice's Journey Through Adversity
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Audra Dinell: That's something that you come into the thread and work with women on how to build these lives of purpose, but it wasn't always this way, and you shared this as part of your story.
So can you just paint us a picture of what life looked like for you 10 or 15 years ago and how it looks like
Janice Perkins: now? It was messy 15 years ago when you, like thinking about going back 15 years. My kids would've been really young ages. I was in the throes of a terribly difficult chronic illness. And so, like I spent 18 months not [00:05:00] driving because I almost lost my vision from the brain swelling.
And I, without an army of women to hold me up, I wouldn't have made it through that time period at all. And nothing's beautiful in a mess, right? Nothing's beautiful to mess. Like sometimes I think the decisions I even made in parenting, like how much different my kids would've turned out if I could have focused on manners versus like our health, right?
Yeah. Like we were in survival and, and yet, right. There's resilience built in that there's all kinds of other there gifts that we get given when we're in storms, but none of it was what I thought. I didn't have kids in my twenties and I got married late and had kids in my early thirties, and I thought my choices would be different.
I was choosing out of maturity to wanna spend more time with them and wanna be more intentional. And yet none of my parenting journey was any expectation in my mind or what I set out to do. And. And I had to really wrestle with that acceptance, right? I didn't, I didn't choose a marriage that fell apart.
I didn't choose to be alone as a parent. I didn't [00:06:00] choose chronic illness for the three of us. I didn't choose a lot of those things. And yet, right, you deal with what you get handed, right? Mm-hmm. And people say, I don't know how you did that. Well, you do what gets handed to you. 'cause there isn't a choice.
You get up the next day and you just do it again. But I had to accept. In myself, the ability to let go of like what I say all the time is letting go of dead yesterday's, and I'm born tomorrow's. Mm-hmm. But some idyllic marriage wasn't what I had. Some idyllic parenting journey of making pilgrim costumes and homemade cookies.
You know, like, no, I was making gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, dye-free, you know, cardboard tasting bullshit for my kids to take to school so they could have snacks. Right? It was like, That was like some of the birthday cakes that I produced. At some point, whenever we. They dairy free. Before there was Whole Foods, before there were cookbooks.
Like I don't, people would come over to the house for like to celebrate the kids birthday party. Like, you better eat before you come. 'cause whatever she's serving isn't gonna be edible. So yeah, there was some messy stuff. Mm. There was some messy stuff. [00:07:00] I'm glad the kids are too young to remember some of it.
Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: You know, I'm thinking about how.
Parenting and Letting Go of Expectations
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Audra Dinell: No matter what you're dealing with, that is true in everyone's parenthood journey. And I guess I'm making an assumption. It's certainly true in mine, like the expectations I had at one point of, you know, this picture of my life and parenting and it's just so much harder and surprise you.
Birth two or however many real life humans who have their own real life opinions and real life. Challenges and desires and it's just not, there's no playbook. And, you know, you mentioned control and I find, you know, control is my biggest saboteur. I love to control things. It comes from, you know, childhood and a defense mechanism, but I see that come out in my parenting and am at the point where I am aware of it.
[00:08:00] And. The letting go, like, ugh, the freedom. Mm-hmm. That can come from letting go of that vision you had for your life, but how do you actually like do that and sit and accept and be where you are and just like find the, beauty there when you feel like you're in it.
Janice Perkins: Yeah. That's such a good question.
I'm a actualist or a literalist when it comes to things like that. So, writing the things down that were my expectations, I think I burnt that list. Mm. Right. I tore it up and I burnt it. That was very, a significant ceremony to me. When I lost my job in New York after nine 11 and came back and all my.
Self-worth is wrapped up in what I did versus who I was. I had to do the same kind of journey, like the things that I believed in myself that weren't true. I had to write them down and destroy them in order to begin the process of releasing them mentally and then reminding myself when they come back up again.
But they're the things, like you said, the [00:09:00] saboteurs that we. I don't know, start life with
Audra Dinell: mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: They're like the little, the little gifts we get to have in our pockets, the rest of our lives that we fight. Yeah. Forever. Right. The thing that comes back up all the time Right. Is something related to my inability to control things and my self-worth comes up all the time.
It's the sandwich that I have when I don't care for myself. Mm-hmm. And when I'm not self-aware.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. Right. The thorn that will always be in your side. Now you may weasel it out a bit, but it during different times can come back in. Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: A hundred percent.
The Struggle with Control and Self-Worth
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Janice Perkins: I was just in a train this morning and a lady said it was in a book that she read that expectations are just plan resentments.
And I was like, oh my gosh, isn't that like a T-shirt? Right? We should all wear, I wish that somebody had taught me so much about my anxious attachment that creates this issue around control and. Functioning and chaos. Like I was actually kind of built to be a hostage negotiator, like put me in like a difficult [00:10:00] crisis situation and I am like at my absolute best, but it wrecks me like why am I set up for that?
Because I'm so anxious in my attachment that I can create a semblance of control amidst chaos. Which is such a joke because it doesn't exist.
Audra Dinell: No it doesn't. But it
Janice Perkins: tricks you. It tricks you, but I wish I had known that. I wish I'd understood about expectations. Not that I think that we should lower the bar, right?
'cause we should have love and mutual respect and all kinds of things in our society. But my expectations for myself and the things around me set me up for failure a lot. Yeah.
Audra Dinell: I am doing a lot of emotions work right now. I'm getting ready to do a training next month on it, and I'm very excited. And one of the tools that I have used helps just like label what things are, and it has talked about how anger comes often from just an unmet expectation.
Mm-hmm. And I was just. Like blown away at, oh, that's it. That's it. Mm-hmm. There, there was an expectation that I [00:11:00] had, for whatever reason that wasn't met, but to, to learn that, like, okay, maybe the anger. Like, that's just a feeling. It's not the issue. It's how many unmet expectations am I holding onto. Mm-hmm.
So I really love the idea of like the visual of burning. And I have done that in a workshop before. Not that we're creating like, you know, my Romania accent, right? I think everyone who's listening to this can do this in a safe manner. We should put a little asterisk at the, be near the sink. Be outside.
Yeah. Not on a windy day, but you know, if you're a visual learner, which A DH Ds often. Yes. Hello? VI visual learners. So that is something that can be really helpful is, is burning a thought that you are choosing not to have anymore or burning an expectation that you're gonna let go of. So I really like that you tied those two
Janice Perkins: together well, whether it's like ripping it up or burning it, but it's really writing it down and crossing through it even works, right?
Mm. Like I'm telling my brain,
Audra Dinell: mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: That myth doesn't exist [00:12:00] for me anymore.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Janice Perkins: Right. It, it's actualizing the thing, like our thoughts can be in combat with each other, right? If I say to myself, you know, I don't, believe in control. Like I, I can't control to quote, days of thunder control is an illusion.
You infantile ego, mec I hear that phrase all the time in my mind. I can say that to myself, but my. Frontal lobe is in control all the time. Right. My cortex isn't, I can't access all my high intensity decision making when I'm in fight or flight.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Janice Perkins: Right. My belief system is in my lizard brain, right?
Mm-hmm. And what I actually value and understand. And so I'm trying to like speak to my nervous system. I don't believe in that myth. Mm-hmm. Right? That is not who I am anymore. That's not what's gonna carry me through this. And it just, it's a lot of work to make sure we hear that when it comes back up.
Audra Dinell: Hmm.
Janice Perkins: So
The Impact of Dr. Caroline Leaf's Work
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Audra Dinell: we're doing a book club right now with our alum, and it's on the book that you talk about, started your process that 15 years ago when you were in the middle of. Life was a bridge to you to get [00:13:00] here. Tell us what the bridge looked like and, and what's life like today? Are
Janice Perkins: you
Audra Dinell: talking
Janice Perkins: about Dr.
Caroline leave?
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Oh,
Janice Perkins: love her so much. Everyone should follow her. Clean up Your Middle Mess is the recent book. Originally it was called the 21 Day Brain Detox when I did it and after the chronic illness which took about two years deeply embedded in trying to recover and at the end of that, my faith got me through, I mean, and all of it, like the bedrock of what the Holy Spirit speaks to me over those saboteurs is what actually allows me to accomplish it.
I fight. I fight my inner self.
Audra Dinell: Hmm.
Janice Perkins: But I thought that my positivity and my faith was what carried me through it. And I had lots of people that recommended the 21 day breeding talks as a way to like, let go of the identity in the chronic illness and continue moving through, which I felt like I had really done already as a sober person.
Right. I'd been sober for probably over a decade at that point, and I had wrestled with the identity of alcoholic and [00:14:00] what it meant to be sober. So I didn't really think that was an issue, so I reluctantly did it and said yes to it. And it really encapsulates every day. And now I think she calls it a 90 day neuro cycle in what she has researched and studied that it takes 90 days to rewire the brain.
But then it was on her research it was 21 days. And every day for 21 days, you meditate and allow the subconscious to bring a thought up that needs to be deleted. Hmm. And then speak something positive over it. And in my reluctance that first day I was like, eh, you know, I'm not gonna have anything. I'm a positive person.
I, you know, I kicked this thing's ass. Mm-hmm. I'm fine. Mm-hmm. And the first thing that, that popped up as I sat there for like one. two the count of three, it was, you're worthless. And it always chokes me up to even say it out loud, that, where did that come from and how did I possibly believe that?
And who told me that? Like, and why did I buy into it? Why did I make an agreement somehow deep inside of myself that like, oh, that statement's true, I'm gonna [00:15:00] hold that.
But yet it was underneath all these other decisions and emotions and beliefs and myths, right. That we carry around. And so I did ended up maybe six cycles of 21 that year.
All uncovering things and speaking over myself and that thing still comes up.
Regardless of how many times I've hit delete, regardless of the rewiring of all the things. It is the thing underneath my side, it's the shark in the water all the time that I have to fight. Right. And, you know, failed relationships and other things.
What did that have to do with my self worth?
Audra Dinell: Oh,
Janice Perkins: oh, I gave part of me away there. That's why I didn't feel I deserved to have that. Or I didn't feel like I was worthy of better treatment. Right. Even in advocating for ourselves or a job or something like that. Although advocating for myself professionally wasn't ever as difficult as personally, so it's almost like two different people.
Audra Dinell: Well, and it's like professionally, it's easier to put the mask on to play the game because I mean, there's, there's many different games out there [00:16:00] and you can. see who's playing the game. Well, depending on what game you're talking about, I just feel like externally it's easier to just mm-hmm. Mask up and play the game.
It's not as vulnerable. Yeah. There's not as much at stake. Yeah. Right. Just like personally it is, it's this is you. Yes. And I feel like I've always blended personal and professional. I feel like. When you're describing it, I feel like, like you said, two different people and for some reason I've always fought against that idea that I just didn't feel like I could, like mask up enough to be a different person, like who I am and who I am.
And of course I'll, you know, you talk a lot about, you'll wear a different mask in different. Scenarios, you won't show up to a business meeting in sweats and whatever. But I do think the, the work mask, the professional mask is, is super accessible to many of us. Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: Well, and it helps. It's, it's a protector.
Mm-hmm. It sometimes, and like you said there. Nothing wrong with masking at times. I can't [00:17:00] live vulnerable 24 7.
Defining Vulnerability in Professional Life
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Janice Perkins: Mm-hmm. That's hard. Yeah. Like there's just places where my vulnerability isn't safe. Mm-hmm. Right. It's not protected. Yet, vulnerability doesn't have to be so risky all the time. Right. And the way that we define vulnerability.
Right. I can admit I'm wrong. That's a vulnerability I can. Admit what kind of day I've had, or put it in context, I can be a human. Mm-hmm. I think that's how I kind of define our professional vulnerability is allowing people to see us as people. Yeah. And to be human.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Well, and the reason your shark is always swimming in the water is because you're human.
That's just the way it's gonna be.
Embracing Human Imperfection
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Audra Dinell: I feel like there was a point where I really believed that the, okay, I can, I can. Work my way to perfection. And I mean, of course consciously I didn't think that, but I thought, okay, I'm doing the work here. I'm, I'm learning this skill. I am bettering myself. But it's just, we're human and we're always gonna be human.
And there is just such [00:18:00] beauty in the mess if you can see it. Mm-hmm. But we are all gonna have sharks. Yes. Swimming around.
Recognizing and Managing Personal Struggles
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Audra Dinell: So how can you tell when your sharks are, are rising up? When they're coming out. Like how can you tell, like I assume by now that there's, you know, a, a higher level of awareness than when you first had that Mm.
Thought of. I am worthless
Janice Perkins: sometimes. Sometimes I also, sometimes it's like a tsunami too. Like it comes outta nowhere. Mm. Right. For the most part there's more self-awareness, but it sometimes takes me out the knees. Right. Because I can. Pretend longer. Mm-hmm. Also, yeah. Or just not wanna admit, you know, that something's kind of a mess and I have to deal with it.
I can try to move past it in the busyness because I don't have the margin and I, so then I fail myself and the other person in that instance also, which is unfortunate, but it's true. Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Well, I'm thinking about just how beautiful it is to hear, hear that from you. Right? It's like [00:19:00] we're all on these, we're all on our own journeys. But I mean, just what you said at the beginning about how hearing some what someone else is carrying just allows you to just have more perspective.
Mm-hmm. It's like. Yes, there is more awareness sometimes, you know, it's, it's maybe not a thing that we as humans are gonna master.
Janice Perkins: No, we're not. No. And just the other day with my coach, he said to me like, the whole thing. What was, what I was wrestling with was because I wasn't giving myself grace.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
But
The Importance of Accountability and Support Systems
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Janice Perkins: it's why we have to have really good accountability partners. Mm-hmm. A coach, a really good inner circle that we talk to on a regular basis and externally process.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: Not just internally process. I mean, for. Us, it's easier to externally process 'cause we automatically do it.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: But it's still a necessary thing.
Because through that process of talking about a vulnerability that I might have talked to about a girlfriend already, but not in the same manner.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Janice Perkins: Not [00:20:00] in with the same excavation. Right. That coaching does, that enables me to see ah. The whole thing. I'm not giving myself grace. Posting it on my monitor for the last two weeks now has been like, give myself grace.
Mm.
Audra Dinell: Like
Janice Perkins: where did I not do that?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Janice Perkins: Because in the day-to-day grind, empties out all of that self-awareness
Audra Dinell: mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: That you have to go back and fill up again.
Audra Dinell: Ugh. It makes me feel better about my recurring issues. Seriously. Thank you. So tell me, okay. You're a coach who has a coach. And an accountability partner and an inner circle.
Talk me through that. Mm.
Janice Perkins: So what does that look like in your life?
Balancing Self-Care and Professional Life
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Janice Perkins: It's a necessary thing. Like I was talking to one of my other girlfriends who's in my same field, and she's like in her sixties. She's also super active, and so actually I have a massage therapist. These are the ways I duct tape my life together.
I call it duct tape because my body is still completely half wrecked from having chronic Lyme disease, and so. I go to a [00:21:00] massage therapist and I sometimes do lymphatic massage and I go to an acupuncturist now all the time because menopause is hell on top of everything else I've already been through.
And then I have my accountability partner and a coach and a therapist. Mm-hmm. In an inner circle. Why? Because I help people for a living. I was a single mom for 20 years and an entrepreneur. There was no safety net. There was nobody holding me up. There was nobody to collapse into. At the end of the day, there wasn't any of that until I, of course, met my hot new husband.
But, you know, that meant I had to have that support system built in. It had to be scheduled. It has to be like, during COVID, there was like three months I didn't make it to my massage therapist.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Janice Perkins: And when I finally went like, I detoxed for like three days. Mm. Like my body has to be constantly purged.
I also do red light therapy every day. Like I could spend, I could spend an hour telling you like the things that it takes to duct tape together. Right. That there's. Biweekly and weekly breakfasts and lunches that I have with my inner circle.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: Because to stay [00:22:00] connected in this busy world, it has to be scheduled.
Yeah. Otherwise, I go six months and I'm like, what just happened? I have not seen you.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. Right.
Janice Perkins: Mm-hmm. I mean, if we didn't see each other at the thread, we wouldn't see each other. Yeah. Like. You know, in the community, things that we go to. And so you have to force the crossover. Mm-hmm. Where we lose connection.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: And as an extrovert, when I lose connection, I feel like a fish outta water. Mm. I can't do it.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. Mm. It's so true. And you know, I. Find my schedule sometimes filling up with these type of things, and then I should myself into, oh, that's too much. We've gotta back off. That's probably one of my thorns or things I'm always working through, is not being overwhelmed, not having a crazy schedule, being a person who doesn't take a month to get on their calendar, and also that.
Those type of connections are so important.
Daily Practices for Personal Growth
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Audra Dinell: I just learned we had my grandpa's 80th birthday. Mm-hmm. And he was [00:23:00] talking to me about an accountability partner he's had for 25 years or more, and how every Saturday at seven 30 they have breakfast. And I was just so deeply touched because that is not something I remember being aware of about my grandpa.
And then that's most of. You know, my life and just to think that this like strong man patriarch of that side of the family had that sort of support is just so near and dear to me. I tend to think that this is like a new thing, you know, like it's amazing accountability partners and mastermind coaches.
You probably didn't call it that, right? You're right. It's probably a different language that he's using now versus 25 years ago, but it's just so beautiful.
Janice Perkins: Mm-hmm. And my accountability partner, we do a couple different things. We do daily questions, which is one of Marshall Goldsmith's things.
So every quarter we look at the questions that we're asking each other and whether or not they're relative to what we're struggling with or what our issues are. The questions don't have to be complicated. They are really the thing that I need to have my ask kicked the [00:24:00] most about.
And my questions, if I can think of all six of them right now. Or have I moved or done something nice for myself today, meaning I have to exercise and move, or this body gets wrecked. So it can be as simple as walking a dog for 20 minutes, but I have to do it and I'm trying to learn to speak adult.
Adult to my adult children.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Janice Perkins: So they quit twitching when I speak and we have a better relationship. And so that's one of my questions. Have I trusted myself is one of my questions. Have I trusted my new hot husband is the other question. Because as a person who's been seemingly alone my entire adult life, like having a new relationship at 53, like old dog new tricks, this is the, like, the only reason I say the phrase like, is this easy to do?
No. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So have I trusted him and, and then like, have I been vulnerable? Like it, it's important for me to be open. It's important for my work.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: And the last question is, have I taken a risk?
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Janice Perkins: And that is because when I get comfortable, I [00:25:00] get soft. Like it's not good for me. Yeah. I get apathetic, I get stagnant.
And so like taking a risk and doing something that's challenging. Is really important to me. And so those like this quarter, those are my questions.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Janice Perkins: And we answer them every night at 8 57, my alarm goes off and I text her my answers and she texts me her answers. Wow. And in between if there's too many no's or we're having a struggle, like I saw her the other day and I said, I need five minutes.
Like there's something I took a risk on and now I was scaring the shit out of me. Mm-hmm. And she like spent five minutes talking me off a ledge. It was beautiful. How did you find your accountability partner? I asked her. Mm-hmm. You know, I had a different one a couple years before that and it wasn't working out for our schedules and it was someone who I admire professionally.
Mm-hmm. And I know doesn't have trouble speaking truth. Mm. But isn't necessarily someone in my inner circle.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. And so how would you define your inner circle? As we talked about, accountability, partners, coaches, pretty simple. My ride
Janice Perkins: or die, the people who, the three in the morning people. Mm-hmm. The people who also help you raise your kids.
Who [00:26:00] your kids call aunties. Mm-hmm. You know, my sisters neither one live close. And so my inner circle of women are the women who my kids know is family.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm. So
Janice Perkins: beautiful.
Audra Dinell: Okay, so you've mentioned your new hot husband several times. You have had several lives. The first being, you know.
Big city exec in New York City, then mother to young children battling chronic illness and went through divorce. Now you're an entrepreneur and a leadership PhD pursuer and have a new hot husband.
Overcoming Fears and Limiting Beliefs
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Audra Dinell: What were your biggest fears or limiting beliefs that you have had to confront as you've started over each, each time?
Janice Perkins: You know the interesting thing for me, I have some very interesting drivers, and the fear of failure moves me more than driving to success.
Audra Dinell: Hmm.
Janice Perkins: And so every day I get outta bed to not [00:27:00] fail, like to run from that, which is not what I would coach someone to do ever, but that is what drives me. It is from.
Becoming something that isn't meaningful or that doesn't have purpose, and making sure that I'm anchored to it all the time. So like one of my like limiting beliefs in each of them, I would sit my, I call my first season like the drunk years, actually more than like the executive years. I have no idea how I made it, where I did as a functional drunk that I was.
But that was also like the limiting belief there, like that the self-worth was driving that more than anything. Like I didn't believe that I deserved or that I could, and so I just, you know, washed all those emotions and fears away in an unhealthy way. Mm-hmm. And so coming out of that season, I mean, really the inner work was like facing all those demons I'd been ignoring for 12 years, drinking.
Mm-hmm. And, what they said about me or what I had bought into, again, with the myths. And so I think perfectionism has always been something that I struggled with. [00:28:00] And the high expectations of myself, so not giving myself grace for being a human being. And so like in the first few years of.
Parenting where I was really seemingly in a very difficult marriage alone fighting chronic illness in both of my kids and literally working a couple jobs and not sleeping at all. I mean, I said I didn't really sleep until my kids turned nine, probably, and that's not very far off. I mean, I broke my body.
Mm-hmm. Like I broke it.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: And we talked a lot about the body keeps score. Yeah. And it's because I had such high expectations for myself and there wasn't anyone else to come do that.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: And then I had to start. Really prioritizing what mattered in the world and what didn't matter in the world.
And you know, if your feet stuck to the floor in my kitchen, screw it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Like
Janice Perkins: I wasn't gonna have time to mop.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: And I like, what did I give up in those years? I think I like have said this before in one of our trainings, like, I don't think I shaved my legs for four years. Like my hygiene, like I probably showered, but I don't remember.
I don't remember doing my [00:29:00] hair. I don't remember a lot. Like I let go of things in order to survive. And. The thing that I learned about myself is that I am a survivor.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Janice Perkins: And there were moments, like there were lots of face on the floor moments of like, I can't, like one more day of this. Like I can't.
And yet the day comes. And you stand up. And then you realize I'm stronger than I thought I was.
Reflecting on Life's Challenges and Lessons
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Janice Perkins: And so the belief that. Like what is failure gonna do anyway? What has it done for me so far? It's taught me the best lessons of my life.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: So falling on my face and failing isn't actually so scary.
It's the thing that we learn the most mm-hmm. About ourselves is in the pit.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: That's where we come face to face with the demons, the saboteurs, the mist that shouldn't have been there. And that's where we can like do a huge cleaning.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Janice Perkins: And figure out how to get back up. And so I think that.
Perfectionism and like those feelings of not feeling [00:30:00] worthy have always been there. But in essence, I learned, that failing wasn't scary. Not, that I'm asking the universe for any of it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Janice Perkins: It wasn't the worst thing that can happen to you. Yeah. There was like a Bible study I did one time where she would say well, what if it all the way to the end?
Mm-hmm. Right? And what's true at the end of it, what's true is I get back up the next day. What's true is I know who I am, I know what I believe in, and I know who loves me.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this time. Yes. And it's just been a gift to hear this part of your story and to have your vulnerability.
So,
Janice Perkins: but there was not many people in the room, and I made myself cry today. That was what actually happened.
Audra Dinell: Well, and for me, it's like, oh my gosh, I wanna have. Four times as long of a conversation with you because I've got so many more questions and I just love learning from you and feel so encouraged by you and inspired by you.
So I would love to have you back and more. You can [00:31:00] make me cry next time. I'll try
Janice Perkins: really hard to make Brian cry.
Audra Dinell: We'll, see. Oh, that'd be so good. We we'll see. Please, let's make Brian cry. I'm gonna think about that. That's a goal for the podcast.
Janice Perkins: It's a goal for the podcast. Okay.
Audra Dinell: Where can our listeners find you?
Janice Perkins: I have capacity.com. You can find me on LinkedIn, Janice Perkins, and that is exactly how you find me.
Audra Dinell: All right, Janice Perkins, y'all. Thank you. Thank you.