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Rise Above: a podcast from Rogers Behavioral Health takes listeners on a journey of education and inspiration as we sit down with mental health and addiction experts and past patients who are changing how the world views mental health and addiction.
I am wired like an alcoholic. And so to this day, twenty years later, I will see a glass of beer and think for a nanosecond, God, that looks good. You know, but it's quickly replaced with, But I'm not touching it because my life becomes awful if I do it.
Andy:You're listening to Rise Above, a Rogers Behavioral Health Podcast, where we sit down with Rogers experts who are changing the way the world views mental health and addiction. Hello, listeners. Welcome to another episode of Rise Above, a podcast from Rogers Behavioral Health. Oftentimes here, we share real stories of recovery, resilience, and hope, and that's exactly what we're doing today. I'm your host, Andy Meadow, Today, I'm joined by Scott Elston.
Andy:He's the president of the Harrington McBride Alumni Association, and Scott's journey to sobriety is one marked by challenge, honesty, and ultimately transformation. In this episode, he opens up about the turning points that led him to seek help, what his experience at Rogers meant for his recovery, and how staying connected through the alumni community continues to shape his life today. I'm sure you'll find Scott's story to be a powerful reminder that recovery isn't just about getting through, it's about building something new on the other side. So without further ado, Scott, thank you so much for joining me today.
Scott:Sure, glad to be here.
Andy:I guess the best place to start is to talk about your journey to sobriety and your connection to Rogers.
Scott:It really centers on going to the Harrington Recovery Center in September 2006. So I would say leading up to that very pivotal event for me was just a really rough stretch of active alcoholism. Mean things were not good. Mean I always joke, people don't come into recovery usually on a hot streak or on a winning streak. You come in because life is not good and there are consequences piling up and you're not the person you want to be.
Scott:Clearly, I'd say the previous ten years leading up to that was just ten years of escalating drinking, heavy drinking, lying about my drinking, hiding it, trying to cover it up, And it really putting a strain on my relationship with my wife, frankly a strain on my relationship with my kids, and really putting a strain on my whole life. Just my relationships with colleagues, friends. Toward the end, I was isolated, I was lying, I was just dishonest and all about just getting my next drink and to hell with who it hurt. So just a really kind of sad way to live. Gratefully, people I encountered along the way, even though I wasn't ready to listen at the time, some seeds were planted to me about Rogers and about Harrington specifically.
Scott:And when I finally kind of hit that point, it was September 2006, I knew somehow something made me pick up the phone and call Rogers. And I went into detox for several days, and then Harrington was the logical next step for me, which I some people go and kicking and screaming, I was ready to go in because I knew that I could not continue doing what I was doing. It was bad. And the real catalyst for me, I would say, was hearing from my wife that she wanted a divorce, in kind of that late August timeframe, I knew she meant it. So something I never wanted to happen, I never wanted it to come to that, and yet here it was.
Scott:I say a lot, that was the two by four upside the head I needed to finally wake up and realize, don't know what's ahead of me, but I just can't keep doing this anymore.
Andy:Sure. And was it a gradual increase? I mean, know, did it when did drinking start for you? College?
Scott:Oh, I mean, that's a great question. Honestly, think it goes back even as far as my childhood. I mean, I grew up in an alcoholic family. So my father was an active alcoholic through my childhood. Now gratefully, he's in recovery now and has been a fantastic role model.
Scott:He's been sober well over thirty years. My sister's an active alcoholic, now in recovery. So in my family of four, you know, mom, dad, sister, brother, three of us are now alcoholics in recovery. So it's very prevalent in my family. So probably no accident or no surprise that I too would would follow in some footsteps there.
Scott:And I was exposed to alcohol at a young age and even reflecting. I mean, if I got to get a sip of dad's beer or a glass of wine at Thanksgiving, whatever it might have been, I didn't know it at the time, but reflecting back, I really liked it. I liked the taste. I liked the way it made me feel. So I almost think I was predisposed to wanting to drink, even at that young age.
Scott:Now where it really took off for me though was in college. I mean I dabbled a little bit in high school, but really in college is where I went from zero to 60 miles an hour. I mean as soon as I hit the dorms and discovered going out to the Marquette bars, I went to Marquette, fake IDs, buying beer. I just embraced it, dove in head first and loved it. I mean even though there were some consequences earlier, like passing out and throwing up, places you shouldn't do that, and my grades nosedived, but I still just loved it.
Scott:I thought it was just this thing that I had missing. And for me, was liquid confidence, liquid courage. I often felt awkward and with poor self esteem. And when I drank, I felt better. I just felt more included, more likable, more attracted to the opposite sex, whatever it might be.
Scott:And again, I didn't know any of that at the time, but in reflecting back, I think that's why I was drawn to alcohol early on.
Andy:So your wife wants a divorce. You reach out to Rogers right away then?
Scott:I mean it took probably a week or so but I think what really scared me is when I got that news and I knew it was building to that, I mean because we were already kind of on a clinical separation and living apart. Part of me was excited by that, because now I could drink without someone looking over my shoulder, and just warped thinking. I think what scared me the most is when I heard the words that I wanted a divorce, I think I almost just went numb. And I just had no emotions. I certainly wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad.
Scott:I was just numb. I think, that really scared me. What is wrong with you? Here you are an adult hearing news like this, and you're not capable of feeling normal human emotions. So that was late August, and so it took probably into Labor Day weekend, and my wife was out of town.
Scott:And that weekend, I was just at home alone with my kids, just drinking non stop. That's really where it hit me, kind of in that dark moment of I've got to do something. I can't fathom waking up Tuesday, going to work, and doing this all over again. I just can't. Whether married or not, because I didn't know what was going to happen, this is just not who I want to be or the life I want to have.
Andy:So do you tell her you're going to get treatment or did you just go and do it?
Scott:I called and did it. Then as she was out of town, when she got back, I obviously said, Hey, I'm gonna go into Rogers and I would like you to take me there. And she was, I think rightfully so, very cautiously skeptical. You know, I've heard this before because I've given her all sorts of promises. And I even feigned going to AA meetings in the past and did go to AA meetings, but I did it for show.
Scott:And I was a manipulator, classic alcoholic manipulator. I was in denial, I didn't want to get help, but I manipulated to have her think I wanted to get better for appearances. But it was completely ingenuine. So I think she was a little skeptical, like, Okay, is this just another play? But obviously she was taking an attitude of Let's see how this plays out.
Scott:Yeah. Right. And there was still a lot of anger and a lot of resentment. Again, where I struggled with it at the time, I completely get it now. I mean, she had every right to be angry and resentful, because I put her through a lot of hell, in terms of the dishonesty and the manipulation and making her feel crazy, things like that.
Scott:So I really understand where she was coming from now. I didn't really at the moment, Because I wasn't in a good place to see it.
Andy:So you said you went to meetings sometimes, but it was for show. The Harrington program at Rogers, it's not for show.
Scott:Well, mean maybe people can do it, but one of the things I loved so much about my Harrington experience is the staff there, and in particular my counselor, a gentleman named Charlie, who I just loved to death and was just life altering and life saving for me, he could just sniff it out. Like if he was sensing any glimmer of BS for me or dishonesty, he would just give me that look. And he just knew because he was also an alcoholic himself. He could just No one knows an alcoholic like another alcoholic, and that's the beauty of AA in this whole program is we get it. And so he could just tell when I was going into that cover up mode.
Scott:And so it really helped me to get honest, and partly as I was just ready. Before I wasn't ready, I was fighting it tooth and nail, like saying, No, I don't have a problem. And I'm not like all these other degenerates and things like that. But now I realized, no. Enough consequence and misery had piled up that I was there.
Scott:I was ready. I was finally able to say the words I was an alcoholic and actually believe it.
Andy:So what did that treatment look like in the early days of treatment?
Scott:So it was I always or often describe my experience at Harrington as seven weeks I was there, seven weeks of being just yanked out of my comfort zone. So whatever I was comfortable with at the time, now I was comfortable with a lot of dysfunction, mind you, but it was forcing me to do frankly the opposite of what I was comfortable with. So a couple examples are: I had to get honest, and I was not honest. I was inherently a dishonest person when I went in, or at least my behavior was incredibly dishonest, driven by the disease. So they forced you to get honest.
Scott:I mean, you had to get real and get honest. I had to write out my autobiography and read it to my peers and I was very nervous about doing that, because I'm like, Everyone's going to judge me and everyone's going to think I'm this freak. But that didn't happen. Instead, people identified, and they nodded, and they related. And that's what started to turn my perspective.
Scott:When I went to AA meetings previously, I saw everyone is different than me, and myself above everybody, and I don't relate to any of you. And now those walls came down, and I started to see the commonality and the sameness that I had, regardless of someone's age or background or whatever, I could relate to what they're talking about and they can relate to me. And that is what started to just really draw me into recovery and AA, the power of not feeling alone and feeling connected to other addicts and alcoholics. So another example is they made me get in touch with my emotions, which I was not good at doing. So every day you had to identify, Are you mad, sad, glad, ashamed, afraid or hurt?
Scott:And here I am, an adult in my 30s, that was just not feeling normal adult human emotions. My emotional development was stunted, and so that was uncomfortable because it was new. And I had to be vulnerable and open up. I was not good at doing that. And I was not good at asking for help.
Scott:I had to do that. You know, that's where growth comes, is from discomfort. When you go and work out, if you're not in pain a little bit afterwards, you're not doing any good. So I always share with folks that are currently in the house that if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing. You're not doing enough while you're here, because you should be uncomfortable, because that means you're changing on some level and you're being forced to do something different.
Andy:Being uncomfortable, getting in touch with your emotions these sound like things that you used to avoid with alcohol.
Scott:Oh completely. I avoided all these things. I never wanted to ask for help. I never wanted to feel emotions. I never wanted to be vulnerable and open and honest.
Scott:I mean I just those were things I yeah, alcohol became a cover for all that.
Andy:And we will be right back. Life's changes don't come with a roadmap, especially as we get older. That's why Rogers LifeWell is designed specifically for adults 55 and up, offering compassionate, personalized mental health care when it matters most. With expert support, proven therapies, and a focus on real life challenges like grief, caregiving, and major transitions. LifeWell helps you regain balance and move forward.
Andy:Your next chapter can be brighter with Rogers LifeWell. To learn more, go to rogersbh.org. And now back to the interview. What did treatment start looking like towards the end of your stay?
Scott:Well, I'd say toward the, when I first came in, was kind of just wide eyed and didn't know what was next, but I was open minded. And I think with every passing week, I felt a little bit more I felt more hopeful every single week. So I think first and foremost, what I walked out with was a sense of hope that I did not have when I first walked in. When I walked in, had a lot of despair. But I had hope.
Scott:I really had a belief that, Wow, if I do the things they're suggesting I do, I really can lead a much better life and a more fulfilling life, like I'm seeing so many other people coming into AA meetings that have been through Harrington in the past. So I had hope. And I also felt like I had a blueprint to what looked to work. I had a set of guidelines that everyone recommended that I'm like, These seem simple enough to follow. If I go to meetings, if I get a sponsor, which I had, so if I keep a sponsor and if I call him and actually leverage him, and if I work these 12 steps actively, and if I avoid slippery places, this can work.
Scott:This will work, because I've seen it work with other people. So I had hope. I had, I think, a set plan. So I mean, turned the end, I left Harrington, I'd say, in a good spot where I think you want to be, where I was scared. I was terrified, because you're now out on your own.
Scott:You're stepping out of kind of these safe surroundings. But I was also really excited and optimistic to go do it. So I think that's kind of where you want to be, is almost that mix of scared because you realize how serious this is, but confident in that I knew what I gotta do, I just gotta do it.
Andy:Sure. Now, you said 2006, so it's been twenty years. Okay, so you leave the Harrington program, you're back in the quote unquote real world. What was life like in the beginning of that phase?
Scott:No, it's a great question. It was tricky at first. I'd say the first year of Sobriety for many, certainly for me, challenging. It was rough. The first year might just be the hardest year.
Scott:I mean, you have a little bit of a pink cloud for the first several months because you're just thinking clear and you're kind
Andy:of
Scott:excited. But hitting the real world was not easy. Mean I went back home, gratefully, to my wife and my kids, but our marriage was still really rocky. I mean we were separate bedrooms and we tried to make a go of it, but I think we ultimately realized that the damage was done. I use an analogy a lot from the big book that an alcoholic is like a tornado in the lives of others.
Scott:You cause a lot of damage, and when the drinking stops, the wind stops blowing. So everything is calm, but you're looking around all this wreckage. And I think honestly, even though I did not want to get a divorce, because of the guidance I got about you don't want to do big life changes your first year of sobriety. Clearly the damage was done for my wife, even I recognized that the rebuild was going to be maybe impossible. So she wanted the divorce, I agreed to it, and we went forward.
Scott:So I mean, I went through something pretty challenging like that in my But first gratefully, I got to go through it with the support of people in AA, with the support of a sponsor who was also divorced. So again, you leverage others and you can get through things like that. And I started to realize that, and I think we did it the right way. We did it without attorneys, and we had a pretty good game plan with the kids. It wasn't always perfect, and we really tried to prioritize our three children during the divorce versus ourselves, which that was the best advice I ever got.
Scott:But through all of this, I religiously went to meetings. I did 90 meetings in ninety days. I called my sponsor. I did the stuff you had to do, because I'm like, I am not going through this drinking, I'm going through this sober. So then when you go through something like a divorce, you realize, okay, yeah, it's dark and it's not fun and I don't recommend it, but you can get through it.
Scott:And life in some ways was still getting better, because I was re acclimating at work. Obviously I had to be very careful at work, because I used to I worked in a sales environment where drinking was very big. So I had to go back and make it very clear to everybody, Hey, the reason I was gone is I was in rehab. Normally I was very guarded with what I shared. Now I was very transparent with people, almost by design, because I wanted people to know, so I had to stay accountable.
Scott:Know what I mean?
Andy:I was gonna say that's one of those questions that I think come up for people going through, whether it's the Harrington program or any of the programs is, do I tell work? Do I tell my coworkers? And in your position, I think you were drinking as kind of part of your job, you're taking out people's
Scott:medical calls.
Andy:So now things have to change.
Scott:I looked at it as if I didn't tell the truth and open up, A, it would be ingenuine, so not true to my program. And two, again, would just like, I wouldn't be successful. I gotta just put it out there, so that it's understood that, hey, when Scott is gonna leave right after dinner versus go out to the bars, people know why.
Andy:I'm guessing in that position there were probably Were there setbacks or what would you do? Because to me, I would think six months into sobriety you go, You know what, I think I've got this handled. I think, yeah, I could probably just have a drink when we go out.
Scott:Yeah, yeah. Did this happen? Mean, and that thinking is definitely there at times. It is. I mean, I think any alcoholic is gonna, there are those that say that poof, the obsession to drink has just completely vanished.
Scott:I got to tell you, that's not my experience. My experience is, I am wired like an alcoholic. And so to this day, twenty years later, I will see a glass of beer and think for a nanosecond, God, that looks good. I've learned to deal with it, that it's quickly replaced with, but I'm not touching it because my life becomes awful if I do it. I don't want to go back to that awful.
Scott:But still that nanosecond of reaction is still one of appeal. Like, Wow, that looks good. And there are times that if I've been surrounded by a lot of people drinking, man, it would be nice to maybe have one. But then you're like, Woah, woah, woah, but that's not how you are. You don't just have one, you have 10, and then things like divorce and terrible things happen.
Scott:So no, I'm not doing it. Yeah, that's oftentimes how it The mind can play against, but again, the biggest part of me is just I embrace step one, which is I believe I'm an alcoholic. I accept it. I know I'm powerless over alcohol, and it makes my life unmanageable. That is fact.
Scott:I may not like it, but I don't fight it. I just don't fight. I accept it. I am not touching this stuff, because it'll take my life to terrible places.
Andy:And we will be right back. For those who serve on the front lines, support should meet you where you are. Rogers FireWatch is a mental health program designed specifically for veterans and first responders. Built by people who understand your experiences, FireWatch offers proven effective care with a flexible schedule to help you work through trauma, stress, and life after service. You've had others' backs.
Andy:Now it's time someone has yours at Rogers Firewatch. To learn more, go to rogersbh.org. And now back to the interview. So it's twenty years later. What's life like now for you?
Scott:So it is I mean, it's almost staggering to think about the contrast between what life was like in September 2006 to where it is now. I mean, first and foremost, I feel so much better about myself as a person. I that's been it. And I think one of the things you learn in recovery is, as an addict or alcoholic, we're incredibly selfish. We are self centered egomaniacs that just it's all about me.
Scott:Feed me, feed me, feed me, I'm the center of the universe. But now I really try to live my life more in accordance of being of service to others, as opposed to how can the world serve me? How can I serve the world? How can I help my wife, my kids, my colleagues, my sponsees? And again, I'm imperfect.
Scott:That ego will still creep back in, in little bouts, but they're little bouts. That's not consistently how I live my life. I really believe in God's purpose for me is to be of service to others, in whatever form that looks like. And that's part of what drives me to be part of the Alumni Association, things like that, because I want to give back and help other alcoholics, because so many people help me along the way. So that's a big thing.
Scott:I would say, just overall, my relationships have been repaired. Again, are they perfect? No, but I'm a better ex husband to my wife, ex wife now, than I was a husband, if that makes sense. While
Andy:a
Scott:lot of damage was done, and there was a lot of lack of trust, I think she would say now today that she trusts me. And that is not words that would come out of her mouth twenty years ago, because she rightfully shouldn't have trusted me. Like I have a much better relationship with my kids. You know, they know I love them to death and I have their back. Again, will they get mad at me?
Scott:Will we have our strains? I mean, with three adult kids, of course. But I know that my relationship is much better with my kids. I'm remarried today and have a much more open, honest relationship with my wife today, Debbie. And again, not perfect.
Scott:I am never perfect, but so much better than, again, I'm not the manipulative liar that I was so often in my previous marriage. And just have more of a sense of purpose, have more genuine connection with people. Just life is so much better. It just is. My career has taken off in cool ways.
Scott:I've gotten into sales and now sales leadership and that's fun. I've learned I kind of have a gift with leading people and again, it's an opportunity to again be selfless. What can I do for my team today? To help them get better at their jobs, things like that. So life is amazingly good.
Scott:There's still drama, but it's not self imposed drama necessarily. I'm able to just react to things as they come up with a little bit more calmness than the absolute drama chaos that I was creating for myself back in the
Andy:drinking. So time to be selfless. What would you say to someone who's listening to this who maybe is thinking, I might have an issue, I might need treatment?
Scott:Well if you're thinking you might, chances are there's an issue. Oftentimes when there's some smoke, there's some fire. So if you're on the fence like maybe I have a problem or maybe it's a loved one that has a problem, I would strongly encourage talk to people about it. Mean even if it's call me about it, we could put in my number or something. I'm happy to talk to people about this.
Scott:Because if you might, there could be some issues. I lived in that world where I just denied it for so long, that I try not to wish it would have been different, because my journey, in many ways, as challenging as it was, it's wonderful because it got me to where I am. And maybe I wouldn't have gotten here, and maybe my sobriety wouldn't have been as long term or successful if I didn't go through enough pain. Because I truly feel that consequence is what wakes us up a lot to the help we need. But man, it sure would have been nice to maybe realize sooner about all this.
Scott:Some of that consequence could have been avoided. But it's a double edged sword because I think some of the consequence was almost needed to truly wake me up and get me here. Most importantly, my advice would be talk to people, get help, try to have an open mind. And it would just be that this could be life saving and life changing. I mean not only has it changed my life, I truly believe recovery has saved my life.
Scott:I mean, I'm convinced, Andrew, that if I would have continued on the path I was on, with the extent I was drinking, I'd probably be dead today. And I mean that. It's a stark reminder that alcoholism can have very serious tragic consequences if left to its natural conclusion. I mean, there's really three paths for us alcoholics: it's recovery, death, or some kind of institutionalization. And man, I know which three of those I want, and it's recovery.
Scott:I'm so grateful that that's the path I somehow got on and continue on.
Andy:Scott, one thing we haven't mentioned: you are the current president of the Harrington McBride Alumni Association. We're going to talk a bit more about that in another episode, but you want to just give us a brief rundown of what that organization is?
Scott:Sure. Yeah, no, it's really an honor. I really look at it as I get to be the president. It really is an honor. And most importantly, I get to be part of the alumni board.
Scott:So what the Harrington McBride Alumni Association is, in a nutshell, is it's really a conglomeration of the thousands of alumni that have gone through Harrington Recovery Center over the years. You know, I mean, literally, I mean, the patients that have gone through, stayed, and gone out, that body of people is what makes up the Alumni Association. So if you've gone through Harrington, you are a welcome member of our Alumni Association. That's a badge of honor. I look at it as I'm a proud graduate from 2006.
Scott:So our purpose is, first of all, to band together and just drive the concept that, again, what's so important is connection. Connection to other addicts and alcoholics is huge. So we try to foster and drive connection to our other alumni, other of our brothers and sisters that have gone through Harrington. And really, our mission is to be of service to the current residents, to bring forward to support them, bring forward to them a message of hope, and that you can do this. If we've done this, so can you.
Scott:And to be of service to the alumni, and to help them transition from being in the house to their lives, and to help foster connection. And we do that through things like a newsletter that we publish on a quarterly basis. We do it through holding some big events, like we have our summer picnic coming up in June. And I feel like
Andy:it's important to mention it's a cookout with no drinking. Oh yeah, It seems like a natural thing, right?
Scott:Cookout with no drinking in sight, lots of soda, lots of unaided water, no cooking. Early on, I would have thought, I didn't associate anything with not drinking. But it was a really cool memory I have of being in Harrington, is we actually did a cookout one evening. We banded together as a group of residents and we were like, Hey, we want to do a cookout. And we were all having brats and burgers and soda and we realized we were having a blast and enjoying each other with no alcohol in sight.
Scott:And I think you need some of those examples early on to show that, Look, there is absolutely life without drinking. I don't live in a cave. I love to get out and do things. I mean, wife and I travel. I've been to Europe, Vegas, New Orleans, all without alcohol.
Scott:All inclusive resorts, cruises, all without alcohol. Countless sporting packer brewer games, basketball games, all without alcohol. And these are things that I would never fathom doing these without alcohol when I was in my 20s, but now I enjoy all of them without. And I have just as much fun, if not more fun, at these events. So there is at no point removing alcohol mean you can't enjoy life.
Scott:We like to say we are not a glum lot. Part of our message too within the Alumni Association is you can have fun and do really fun things without alcohol and life is not over. This is not a death sentence by any stretch. It actually means life gets better.
Andy:So what keeps you hopeful today?
Scott:Well, what keeps me hopeful today is, well, I mean, think first and foremost, I love being in recovery. I wear it now as a badge of honor. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm proud of And I'm pretty open about it, because it has worked. I mean, I've had twenty great years, knock on wood, I've had twenty more great years. I mean, I think life just is good and continues to be incredibly blessed with family, with a good job, with great opportunities, with the ability to be of service.
Scott:And that's what keeps me hopeful. I frankly am inspired by seeing other people come into Harrington and leave, and I see them doing well and thriving. That just, God, man does that energize me. Know, when see someone like two, three years into their recovery journey, that's now joining the Alumni Association and giving back and having these epiphanies, that just warms my heart. Know and sometimes I wish I'd see more of it, but I see enough of it that it's really exciting.
Scott:So that gives me a lot of hope. On some level what we're doing works. I mean, even if it works with only one person out of 20, it's worth it, you know, all day long.
Andy:Scott, thank you so much for the conversation today. I really appreciate you being here.
Scott:Thanks Andrew. I really appreciate the questions and yeah I've enjoyed it and you know I hope this helps.
Andy:Well listener thank you for listening to this episode of Rise Above. I'm grateful for Scott for sharing his journey and for the impact he continues to make through the Harrington McBride Alumni Association. His story is a powerful reminder that recovery is possible and that connection and support can make all of the difference. Thanks for listening. This has been Rise Above, a podcast from Rogers Behavioral Health.
Andy:Be sure to like and subscribe to be notified of new episodes. And as always, if you or someone you care about is struggling with a mental health or substance use disorder, visit rogersbh.org for a free mental health screening. Until next time, take care of yourselves.